My Life at the Movies 4.28.09: 2003 - The Return of the King

Posted by DC Perry on 04.28.2009

A day may come when the courage of men fails, when we forsake our friends and break all bonds of fellowship, but it is not this day. An hour of woes and shattered shields, when the age of men comes crashing down! But it is not this day! This day we fight!

There were many fine movies released in 2003. Lost in Translation. Mystic River. Monster. Kill Bill. The Matrix sequels (shut up, I liked them). But none was surrounded with anticipation like the final installment of The Lord of the Rings trilogy. The Academy of Motion Pictures held all its praise in abeyance until the third installment, which is sensible. After all, as well crafted and faithful to the source material (mostly) as The Fellowship of the Ring and The Two Towers were, the whole thing rested on pulling off the grand finale. If The Return of the King failed, the trilogy would be remembered not as a masterpiece, but as a failure.

It did not fail.



2003 at a Glance

US President: George W. Bush
Median annual salary: $46,250
Gallon of gas: $1.51
Dozen eggs: $1.33
New house: $187,000
New car: $26,442
Movie ticket: $7.00
Boston Red Sox: 95-67, second place, American League East
Me: House shopping. Who'd have thunk?


The story so far – Bilbo Baggins lives in the Shire, a pastoral piece of countryside full of cheerful, salt-of-the-earth midgets. Bilbo has a magic ring that he stole from an obsessive-compulsive monster named Gollum. This ring lets Bilbo turn invisible, but it also belongs to the very evil, very lidless Sauron, who wants it back. The wizard Gandalf gives the ring to Bilbo's nephew Frodo, who, along with hobbit pals Sam, Merry, and Pippin, carry it to Rivendell, the home of the elves. Very important people have a very important conversation about what to do with the ring, and they agree that it must be taken to Mordor and thrown in the fire that forged it. Frodo volunteers. Aragorn, Boromir, Gimli, Legolas, Gandalf, and the hobbits join him. Gandalf dies protecting them from the Balrog in the Mines of Moria. Frodo slips away from the group and heads for Mordor on his own. Sam follows him. Boromir is killed by many orc arrows. Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas decide to hunt some orc. They meet a resurrected Gandalf, then go to Rohan to snap King Theoden out of a curse. Rohan is attacked, and Aragorn, Gimli, and Legolas help defend the people at Helm's Deep. Merry and Pippin meet Ents, giant talking trees who decide, after much deliberation, to go lay the smack down on Saruman, the evil wizard who's causing all the trouble in Rohan. Sam and Frodo meet Gollum, who wants the ring but offers to serve as their guide, and Boromir's brother Faramir, who thinks about taking the ring but thinks better of it and sends them on their way.

Sam (Sean Astin) and Frodo (Elijah Wood) are deep in Mordor now, along with an unusually chipper Gollum (Andy Serkis). Frodo isn't holding up well under the strain of the ring, and Sam is worried. Gollum promises to lead them to a hidden path, but Sam overhears his real plans – someone or something along the way likes to eat hobbits. Frodo doesn't believe Sam, and Gollum sees a chance to push in the point of a wedge between them. On the winding stair, he drops a few crumbs on Sam's jacket and tosses their food over the edge. Frodo buys into Gollum's claims that Sam is holding out food and angling for the ring, and he send Sam home. Frodo and Gollum continue to the top, where Gollum sends Frodo through the very not-creepy cave.


Pretty little fly. Why does he cry? Caught in a web. Soon he'll be... eaten.

Gollum's plan goes less than perfectly, as Frodo fights his way through the webs and escapes the cave. Gollum tries taking matters into his own hands, but Frodo sends him careening over the edge. Sam, who has taken a spill of his own, finds the bread and decides to head back up to save Frodo from whatever Gollum has planned, arriving just in time to see Shelob, the hobbit-eating spider, tucking Frodo away for a midnight snack. Sam fights her off, but hides when he hears orcs coming. They carry Frodo's cocooned body off to the nearby tower of Cirith Ungol. Racial hostility between the various types of orcs breaks out, and the chaos gives Sam a chance to stage a rescue involving shadow puppetry. Instead of being grateful, Frodo gets grabby over the ring, but Sam hands it over and the two find some orc costumes and press deeper into Mordor.


Just a thought... I don't think I'm going to be returning.

Meanwhile, the rest of the Fellowship has returned to Rohan, with a Palantir (an ancient seeing stone that Sauron can monitor) with them. Pippin (Billy Boyd) can't take his eyes off it, so he snags it from Gandalf (Ian McKellen) while he sleeps. Sauron gets a good look into Pippin's head, but Pippin sees a few things himself, and Gandalf discovers that Sauron's planning an attack on MinasTirith, capital city of Gondor and home to Boromir (Sean Bean) and Faramir (David Wenham). Gandalf grabs Pippin and heads off to warn them, leaving Aragorn (Viggo Mortensen), Legolas (Orlando Bloom), and Gimli (John Rhys-Davies) to help muster Rohan's forces for the inevitable battle. At Minas Tirith, Gandalf finds Denethor (John Noble), the steward of the King, has gone right out of his mind and is unwilling to defend the city. He is more than willing, however, to send his only surviving son on a suicide mission, especially to heartbreaking a cappella musical accompaniment.

The Lord Of The Rings - Pippins SongUploaded by AndreiHHH

As Sauron's forces attack Minas Tirith, Denethor become more and more distraught and more and more insane, so that when a feverish Faramir is dragged back by his frightened horse, Denethor calls for the makings of a bonfire and prepares to send them both out in a blaze of glory. At Pippin's urging, Gandalf arrives in time to pull both men from the fire, but Denethor fights, and is knocked back onto the pyre by Gandalf's horse Shadowfax. Blazing, Denethor runs from the chamber and off the edge of the city.


Thus passes Denethor, son of Ectheleon.

Back at the Rohan camp, Aragorn is visited by Elrond (Hugo Weaving), lord of the elves and father of his love Arwen (Liv Tyler), at whose request he has brought the reforged sword of Elendil. With this as proof of his kingship, Aragorn travels with Legolas and Gimli into the mountain to force cursed ghosts who once refused to fight for Elendil to fight at his side. Theoden (Bernard Hill) gathers the forces he can and rides for Minas Tirith. Éowyn (Miranda Otto), Theoden's niece, and Merry (Dominic Monaghan) have both been told they cannot fight; both sneak into the ranks to do so anyway.


He has just as much reason to go to war as you do. Why can he not fight for those he loves?

When the Riders of Rohan arrive, things look bleak for Gondor. Nothing is ever so bleak, though, that it cannot be solved by an emotionally-loaded speech followed immediately by a cavalry charge.


Forth, Eorlingas!!

Unfortunately, in the game of rock/paper/scissors of the Battle of Pelennor Fields, oliphaunts beat horses. Sauron's forces turn back the cavalry charge, and the Witch King, the greatest of the Nazgul, descends with his Fell Beast on Theoden, knocking him from his horse and threatening to finish him. Éowyn sees her uncle in danger, rushes to defend him.

And here, if I may interject, is the moment I had been waiting for. I first read The Lord of the Rings when I was nine years old, and my most enduring memory, besides the over-arching story of greed and sacrifice and nobility, was Éowyn. Oh, the crush I had on her. Admittedly, a sword-wielding, horse-riding shield maiden of Rohan was probably an impossible ideal; that's probably why I didn't date much in high school (yeah, that's why). I was willing to forgive Peter Jackson a thousand trespasses – elves at Helm's Deep, Faramir acting like Boromir Nano, Sam beating Gollum mercilessly about the head and shoulders … hell, he could have left in Tom Bombadil – as long as Éowyn's defining scene was handled properly.


I can die happy.

Aragorn brings his hijacked pirate ship into port, and he, Gimli, and Legolas jump off. Fortunately, in the ongoing game of rock/paper/scissors, parkour elves beat oliphaunts.


That still only counts as one!

Aragorn unleashes Scrubbing Bubbles on the battlefield and the besieged Minas Tirith, and the battle finally ends. All that's left is collecting the wounded and nursing them back to health. Oh, and creating a diversion so Frodo has a chance to destroy the ring without Sauron seeing him. Aragorn grabs Denethor's secret Palantir and calls Sauron out. He gathers an army and heads for the front gate of Mordor.


Distraction accomplished.

In Mordor, Frodo struggles to climb to the Crack of Doom. Sam carries him up the hill, but the ever-resilient, ever-obsessive Gollum stalks them and tries to take the ring one last time. Sam and Frodo fight him off, but given the chance to drop the ring into the fire, Frodo can't go through with it. He can't part with it. He puts it on. The lure is too powerful. Both for him and for Gollum. Gollum jumps an invisible Frodo and bites the ring free, finger and all, leading to a wrestling match at the edge of the lava. Gollum wins the ring but loses his footing, enjoying a moment of pure bliss before being immolated with his precious.


Smeagol lied.

Frodo and Sam are rescued by Gandalf and the giant eagles. Aragorn is crowned king, and he and Arwen are married. The hobbits return to the Shire, but Frodo finds himself drifting away from his life. He's given as much as anyone can give. The elves welcome him to the Grey Havens, and in Middle Earth, the age of men begins.



The Return of the King represents Peter Jackson's amazing accomplishment in adapting The Lord of the Rings trilogy to film. It would have been easy to block off 2001-2003 in this column to bask in these films, but it's enough to recognize the beautiful finish as a stand-in for the whole. Changes were inevitable, and as much as lifelong fans might be tempted to nitpick, they were remarkably minor, and the final result was a true-in-spirit adaptation of novels long thought unfilmable. Nothing can match the images and memories the novels gave me in childhood, but these movies came damn close, and for that, The Return of the King is the best movie of 2003.