A Little Push - Thoughts on the Hollywood Machine 05.30.09

Posted by Rick Tym on 05.30.2009

A rant about Terminator: Salvation, rumors of an Alien reboot, Nazi zombies and more as we close the books on the month of May!

Diatribe Time at A Little Push

When I leave the local multiplex, I usually ask myself the same question. "Self," I say, "was this movie worth the time and money you just spent on it?" (This often happens in the privacy of my aging VW. Rather than question my sanity, I like to think of talking to myself as a perfectly viable form of reasoning; however, that doesn't mean that I want everybody exiting the building to think I'm nuts. But it does occur to me from time to time that those sneaking quizzical glances thrown my way may have something to do with this particular form of modus operandi.) Most times the answer is yes, because I love going to the movies. Seeing something even slightly anticipated on the big screen is a great way to spend part of an afternoon, plus I get to indulge in that Cherry Pepsi and stale (but yummy fake buttery) popcorn I always mention. While I'm not by any means super-picky about what I choose to spend my hard-earned on, I usually save the cinema experience for event films or movies that just can't wait until the inevitable one dollar Redbox rental. And summertime is usually when I'm the least critical, because I know the spectacle offered in the May through August portion of the year often outweighs substance. Like a few weeks ago, when I saw and then discussed in A Little Push J.J. Abrams's Star Trek. Sure, it had some plot holes and sure, convenience abounded in order set up those spiffy action scenes, but the journey was worth the money, sugar hangover and slightly slippery fingers. (From the popcorn, you sickos.)

Last weekend was no exception. Being a big fan on the Terminator series, negative reviews were thrown to the wind because dammit (!) I was going to see the new film no matter what. Future war? Christian Bale as John Conner? A CGI cameo by Arnold? I was already signed up. Even if it wasn't going to be the be-all, end-all post-Judgment Day story that we had all been waiting for, it would at the very least be an entertaining romp. Right?

Unfortunately, the hackneyed script and lazy attempt of Terminator: Salvation proved me wrong. I know, I know—I put that extended trailer, complete with Nine Inch Nails soundtrack, here in this very news report about a month ago and trumpeted that it would be great. However, I'm not above eating crow from time to time and can admit when I'm wrong, no matter how bitter the taste of the accompanying disappointment may be. Because for me, Salvation was a huge letdown.


You're the only hope we've got? Not bloody likely.
Maybe the screenplay was a cut and paste job, its true intentions altered by the writer's strike. Or perhaps the Mr. Bale's insistence that John Conner be a main player in the first leg of the next trilogy buried a better story that should have been told. No matter what the cause, the movie sure looked pretty enough, and the action sequences (particularly the one punctuated by the Harvester machine that began at a war-ravaged 7-Eleven) were shot competently and even managed to elicit a few "neat!" comments from yours truly. But I've gotta ask: where was the heart? And the answer is not "In Sam Worthington's chest."

When I first began thinking about how to articulate my thoughts on Terminator: Salvation this diatribe was taking the form of a rally against sequelitis. You know, the Hollywood Machine's need to greenlight any and all sequels that may turn a profit for the sake of simply doing so rather than form a cohesive narrative that moves the larger story along in a logical fashion. In some cases, sequels are perfectly acceptable and even welcomed; The Godfather: Part II is widely regarded as one of the best movies ever made, and as you no doubt noticed, it's a "Part II." The Empire Strikes Back is another easy superior sequel to spot. However, for every one of these there's a Matrix: Reloaded or Kingdom of the Crystal Skull to be found.

As I further pondered this phenomenon I realized I was wrong, because while Terminator: Salvation is the fourth film in the series, it is actually a prequel of sorts. We all know of the future war from the first three installments, having seen glimpses of nuclear Armageddon and its aftermath through the flashbacks/flash forwards of Kyle Reese and the imaginings of Sarah Conner, not to mention those big mushroom clouds that closed out T3. Time travel is tricky but this viewer considers T:S to be an origin story, because John Conner is shown here trying to save Kyle Reese, the man he will send back in time to father him. Because we know that Kyle Reese does in fact get sent back through time to protect Sarah, the events depicted here actually show what happens leading up to the original Terminator and its two sequels. That's all well and good, but since we all know it's going to happen there's no sense of danger or intensity lent to be found, leaving only a predictable albeit shiny (and grungy) action film. For some, that's okay but while I'm not true blue Terminator homer, you'll have to excuse me when I say that I wanted more.


How did Conner get into that submarine, anyway?
That's not even Salvation's biggest fault. (Although it is a biggie.) There's no emotional resonance between any of the film's characters, and we're not just talking about the terrible pre-credits exchange between Sam Worthington and Helena Bonham Carter. ("So that's what death tastes like." Huh? Gimme a friggin' break.) Nope, there's much worse on display here. Bale's John Conner is wed to Bryce Dallas Howard's Kate, who is pregnant. For all the emotional hullabaloo that could've been examined given this situation, I think I saw Conner touch her puffy belly once. Never was there a sense of danger, love or concern. I'm not saying I wanted to see Kate or her unborn child harmed, but if John Conner is so invested in saving humanity, shouldn't part of his stake in all this be that little bundle of joy? Should he maybe, I don't know, be a little worried about his wife and said fetus zipping around a Skynet base in a helicopter in the middle of a battle? Bale's a better actor that this, and he should've been given more to do than barking into a microphone, shouting at the top of his lungs in that gravelly Dark Knight voice. I just didn't, just couldn't buy it; not for more than a few seconds, anyway.

More ridiculous that Bale's soldier pantomiming was that drop from yet another helicopter to the sea below, where the Resistance's leaders were hiding out in a submarine. A submarine! Can anyone explain to me how that was good idea, realistically or on film? I can suspend my disbelief for most goings-on in an action adventure movie, but that one was officially over the top. I didn't see any submergence by the stealthy nautical craft in question, so how did he get down there?

I know that example is a little out there. Even though I can't find an answer for that conundrum, I will mention that I have the exact same micro cruzer USB drive that the Resistance uses to plant their machine-dehabilitating signal, so while I may not be a Navy Seal, I am prepared should the machines ever become self-aware and rise against humanity.

One last thing I didn't get, and then I swear I'm done nitpicking plot specifics. Anton Yelchin does a great job portraying Kyle Reese—and that's about all I can say to the positive. Why is he on a list of the five leaders of the Resistance to be terminated? By his own admission, he hasn't even gained enough experience to get one of those nice Army jackets with the red stripe, even if he heads up the L.A. branch. Better yet, if he's on the list why isn't he just terminated to begin with? The answer is simple: because then it would be a twenty-three minute movie. While the suits would be pleased with a run time that would guarantee a maximum number of showings per theater per day, it remains doubtful that the general movie-going public would pay their hard-earned to see such a short feature.


Good job, kid. See you in the next Star Trek.
In the end, the question I usually ask myself upon exiting the theater changed. "Self," I asked myself, "did the world really need another Terminator film?" As you can probably deduce, the answer was a resounding "no." Keeping with the theme of prequels and origin stories which I maintain this film really is, I think of the Star Wars prequels. Sure, they too were pretty to look at, but the acting and premise were similarly poor. Rather than tell a compelling story they too were a cash grab because really, who didn't know how it was all going to turn out? (Newsflash: Anakin becomes Darth Vader. There's just no getting around that one.) At the end of Salvation, the battle depicted wasn't even an end to the war. It was just another day in the life of the Resistance, and not a particularly dramatic one at that. The leaked ending that had John Conner living on as a Terminator after being killed would've at least been something shocking and game-changing even if considered blasphemous by legions of fans. The problem is that the John Conner of Salvation wasn't the inspirational leader of the surviving human race that he was foretold to be, so even that conclusion would've left me in the same place: tired, underwhelmed, and not really giving a rat's you-know-what about where the Resistance goes from here. Given the box office take of McG's $200 million effort, there may not even be any more story left to tell if you consider the return on investment, something the film never managed to accomplish anyway.

Game, set, /rant.

And the Hits Just Keep On Comin'…

Keeping in line with bad origin ideas, Bloody Disgusting broke a rumor earlier in the week that the Alien franchise may be next in line for a reboot of sorts. Instead of a typical "reimagining" Fox Studios may be planning to tell the world where those nasty space critters came from.


Funny, I thought LV-426 was enough of an answer.
While the story also mentioned that Ridley Scott (director of the original classic) would be a producer on the film, that's the only slight ray of light at the end of this dark, dark tunnel. Haven't they learned their lesson from the AvP movies or even Alien: Resurrection? This is just a bad idea. Listen, I'll be the first to admit that I liked Jason X, but that doesn't mean I want to see Aliens vs. 90210. When, oh when, will Hollywood writers, directors or producers come up with an original idea? Ridley Scott mentioned some time ago that he wanted to revisit the Alien franchise, and that's all well and good. Get him and Cameron together when he's done with Avatar (and when, pray tell, will we see even a teaser trailer for that one?) and let them loose. That's the only way the Push would want to see its favorite xenomorphs onscreen again.

Trailer of the Week: Dead Snow

Now here's something original for ya. Sure, it's got the requisite teens drinking and planning sexy time amidst a snowmobile- and cabin-filled wintry backdrop, but it's also got Nazi zombies!



Should be a hoot. Because as we all know here at A Little Push, zombies = good times.

A Whedon-less Buffy?

This is turning out to be a banner week when it comes to ill-conceived Hollywood Machine ideas. The Hollywood Reporter brings word that Vertigo Entertainment is considering a remake of Buffy the Vampire Slayer—not the television series, but rather the 1992 horror-comedy starring Kristy Swanson, Donald Sutherland and Pee-Wee Herman. As anyone who has seen it, is a fan of the TV show or has even read the original script for the movie penned by Joss Whedon can tell you, the older movie is not what the creator intended. Whedon didn't get the chance to tell the tales he wanted to until the WB/CW series got rolling, and while the film is a sort of cult favorite, it doesn't hold a candle to what came after.


Here's a Buffy script, all ready to go.
To add insult to injury (once again, we're talking about fans of the TV show here) Joss Whedon has not been consulted about the remake. The people in charge over at Vertigo have not ruled out his coming aboard, but have indicated that Whedon would have to put his name in a hat for directorial consideration. Since the powers that be in charge of the remake have no intent to use any of the characters or storylines that made the television show so critically and popularly acclaimed, it seems they are severing ties to Whedon's creation and moving off in their own direction.

I know I've been mostly negative in this week's Push, but it doesn't look like that's going to change anytime soon. Property ownership of the movie versus the television show notwithstanding, not even talking to Whedon is akin to a slap in the face. Why not bring him onboard and use beloved characters like Sarah Michelle Gellar's Buffy, Xander, Willow and Angel to further the vampire mythos? They already have a blueprint in the form of the Series 8 comic book, and Gellar has stated that she would be interested in returning to the Buffyverse. I know I'm speaking as a fan, but trust me, there are a lot of us out there—perhaps even more than a revamp of the concept would wrangle in.

Oh, who am I kidding? I can't even use the joking simile of WB-ing or CW-ing the cast on this one, since that's where it all started in the first place. Hope the kiddies enjoy it. The rest of us Whedonites will always have the DVDs on our shelves.

Outtro

Here's hoping everyone that had an extra day off this past week enjoyed it. Terminator: Salvation aside, the Push did, and there aren't even any grill explosion stories to tell—mostly because I haven't gotten around to buying one yet.

This weekend looks a lot better when it comes to filmed fare. If you're a family person (or just a fan of smart films in general) you've got Pixar's Up to go out and see, in 3-D no less. If you're a horror nut, you may enjoy Sam Raimi's return to the horror genre, the simliarly family-friendly Drag Me to Hell. (Chuckle.)


Welcome back, Mr. Raimi.
Whether you're recovering from a bad sunburn or relaxing on your porch as the rain falls on a late May afternoon, enjoy the weekend and the days after. See you next time and, as always, thanks for tuning in.

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