The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 6.01.09: Issue #62 - Kill Switch

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 06.01.2009

"Kill Switch" (2008)

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #62: "Kill Switch" (2008)

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never tried to build a homemade robot using a blender, a vacuum cleaner, plutonium, and a roll of duct tape, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number sixty-two, I take a look at the 2008 action flick "Kill Switch" starring Steven Seagal.

Yes, we're in the direct-to-video Steven Seagal movie business again.

Kill Switch


"Kill Switch," written by Seagal and directed by Jeff F. King (also known as Jeff King), has Seagal as a bad ass but slightly disturbed cop working in Memphis, Tennessee. Seagal's character, Detective Jacob King, is a bit of an expert on tracking and catching serial killers. Why is he an expert at tracking and catching serial killers? Back when he was a kid, King's twin brother Daniel (Connor Jang) was murdered during a birthday party while messing around in the woods (or something like that. There's a big flash cut thing at the beginning at the movie that seems to suggest that this is exactly what happened). That experience motivated King into becoming one of the best detectives in the Memphis PD. King is also a bit of supreme ass kicker, as he routinely has zero problem beating the holy hooey out of someone to get information. King isn't a psycho or anything like that. I guess the best way to describe it is he's Dirty Harry with a background in aikido.

So when the flick starts we find out that King is looking for a serial killer responsible for killing both men and women and leaving pseudo occult symbols on the bodies and the crime scene. The killer, eventually identified as some weirdo named Lazereus (played by Michael Filipowich, which may be one of the greatest last names in last name history), engages in a cat and mouse kind of chase with King as King tries to track him down and find out what the heck the occult symbols really mean. But that's not all. No, King also has to deal with a different serial killer, a man named Billy Joel Hill (Mark Collie), and an uptight FBI agent (Agent Frankie Miller, as played by Holly Elissa Dignard) in town to investigate King for using excessive force and being a bad ass and whatnot.

Now, if you're thinking that, based on the basic plot description that "Kill Switch" is a straight up, easy to understand action flick, you'd be wrong. "Kill Switch" is amazingly convoluted for reasons that are never made quite clear. Why is it necessary for Seagal's King to be tracking two serial killers at the same time? It's not like the two killers are working in tandem or anything. They're just two separate killers that King has to find. There's also this constant harping on King's past, which doesn't really figure into anything in the main body of the movie. I mean, sure, it helps explain some of King's motivation to be a bad ass, ass kicking cop and serial killer expert, but it's not like he tracks down the guy that killed his twin brother right in front of him at the end. There's no real pay off in that sense.

And then there's the ending. I don't want to give away any specific spoilers here, but this flick's ending either makes no sense or makes absolute sense if you go back and carefully watch the movie again. Who exactly are the people Seagal's King goes to see at the end? Is that his family or is it someone else's family? Did I miss something in the middle of the movie that explained who these people are? Or is this an unused ending to some other Seagal movie that got tacked on to pad out the running time? I mean, in time, this flick's ending could become the B-movie equivalent of figuring out what the hell was in that briefcase in "Pulp Fiction." It really is that mysterious and weird. Again, who the heck are those people King goes to see at the end? And you have to think about this, too. Why was King in Memphis in the first place? And why is he a regular old Memphis cop and not some hot shot FBI profiler type guy? Wouldn't that have made more sense? I mean, how many serial killers could Memphis have, both right now and in the past, say, twenty years or so? Did Jacob King really become a serial killer expert by being a cop in Memphis?

What the flick lacks in sense and coherence it more than makes up for it in the violence department. Seagal is one mean bad ass here. He doesn't have all that many limb breaking scenes (there's a great one towards the end, though), but he sure does know how to fling a guy around a room and smash a guy's face into a wall. He also knows how to make a guy "eat" a bar table. Seagal actually makes a guy open his mouth, bite down on a bar table, and then repeatedly hit that guy on the head. Let's just say that a hefty dentist bill is in that guy's future. The only "issue" I have with the movie when it comes to the violence is the director's penchant for relying on camera and editing bullstuff to, I assume, make the violence seem even more brutal. It really doesn't. Now, there's nothing wrong with a few quick cut edits here and there, but when they're used about ten times in one scene it's excessive. The "tricks" also come off as, well, funny. Witness the scene where we see King arrest Bill Joel King. The scene ends with King throwing Hill out the window about ten times. For whatever reason we get to see Hill fly out the window from multiple angles multiple times. It's hilarious. It shouldn't be, though. There's also a bit during a bar fight where we see the same close up of Seagal's face eight times. You'll likely notice it the third time you see it (the face, not the movie).

Seagal is his usual excellent self here as Detective Jacob King. I don't fully understand the need for the fake "Southern" accent, but, hey, as long as he's still interested in beating the crap out of people he can use any accent he wants. I can't tell, though, if it's Seagal's voice throughout or if he uses a voice stunt double like in other direct-to-video movies. There are a few moments where it kind of sounds like someone else, but, again, I can't tell. Chris Thomas King does a pretty decent job as Seagal's partner Detective Storm Anderson. He doesn't get much to do beyond tell people to back off and that they don't understand Seagal's character, but what he does get to do is good stuff anyway. Holly Elissa Dignard is okay as the FBI agent Frankie Miller. She's kind of bland until the end of the movie (although she does get one good scene where she beats the crap out of a guy with a retractable night stick). Michael Filipowich (man, I love that name) is pretty decent as the killer named Lazereus. And Mark Collie is great as Billy Joel Hill (the man just oozes sleaze). Karyn Michelle Baltzer is excellent as King's pseudo girlfriend Celine. She spends most of the movie wearing only a long dress shirt, and since she's hot that's a plus.

And then there's Isaac Hayes. Yes, the Duke of New York, A number one hisself is in this flick as the Memphis coroner. He only gets a few scenes, but he's fabulous in all of them. He's also got a great chemistry with Seagal. This flick was one of Hayes' last movie appearances, so if you're a fan of the man that gave us the "Theme from 'Shaft'" you should definitely check this flick out.

Even with its serious flaws and convoluted storyline, "Kill Switch" is definitely worth a look. What the heck do you think the ending means? Write in and let me know.

So what do we have here? Gratuitous kids birthday party, gratuitous flash cut hooey, gratuitous kids playing hide and seek, "and Isaac Hayes," Kim Richards, a woman with a bomb in her chest, gratuitous Steven Seagal, gratuitous Steven Seagal using a "Southern" accent for some reason, gratuitous helacious hotel room beatdown involving wall smashing, gratuitous Steven Seagal throwing a guy out the window and then seeing him do it again and again from several different angles, gratuitous Steven Seagal driving a big SUV, gratuitous hot chick wearing only a dress shirt, hookers, gratuitous guy beating a woman to death with a baby doll, bad guy talking to dead bodies, gratuitous Isaac Hayes, gratuitous Steven Seagal checking out dead bodies as though he's some kind of expert in dead bodies, bartender bribing, gratuitous Steven Seagal getting down to some bar band music, a bar fight, glass breaking, gratuitous less fat Steven Seagal stunt double, throat chopping, multiple head smashes, attempted beer bottle fighting, a lead pipe beatdown, gratuitous stock shot of a Steven Seagal close up, bar biting, teeth smashing, an alley shootout, gratuitous bringing in the FBI, a hip and edgy underground dance club, gratuitous multiple childhood flashbacks, stair walking, gratuitous Steven Seagal wearing evidence booties, jamming a meat thermometer into a dead guy's liver, puking, gratuitous domestic abuse sub plot, interrogation room hooey, gratuitous killer getting out of prison on a legal technicality and then killing his lawyers, gratuitous Steven Seagal saying "Lawd have mercy" a hundred times, code cracking, gratuitous Steven Seagal investigating stuff in a public library, a hot pseudo Goth librarian, attempted bar fight, table smashing, a "Southern" death threat, car stealing, exploding car, another alley shootout, gratuitous extended underground tunnel chase, lead pipe to the head, gratuitous bad guy walking around 7/8's naked, dead body kissing, knife to the throat, a room full of chains and fly strips dangling from the ceiling, a close up of Seagal's fist, bar banister breaking, a massive hammer beatdown with limb breaking, a flashback involving a cannibal clown, gratuitous Steven Seagal engaging in a low rent Steven Seagal knife fight, face slashing, glass coffee table smashing, wrist slashing, throat slashing, and an ending that either makes no sense or all of the sense in the world, and boobies.

Best lines: "Where's the bomb squad?," "Cut the fucking yellow!," "You shut your mouth. Shut your dirty mouth," "What else, brother?," "I guess you want to talk to my fist," "You knocked my teeth out! I'm going to kill you!," "You're one tough cop, honey," "Damn the press and their nicknames," "You're mine, boy," "What's on your mind, baby?," "Hello, lawd have mercy," "Two murders in one day, our man is on the move," "I'm real close to this cipher. Real close," "That animal should be put to death!," "You're like a bad rash, man, you just keep coming back," "I can read the words, I just don't know what he's saying," "Oh, I guess being polite ain't your job either," "Pepe! Bring in 42!," "I'm going to need a close up photo of that finger," "That's not protocol. I'm no good with protocol," "Does this taste funny to you?," "I'm gonna beat you silly," "I think your arm's broken," and "Come on hillbilly."

Rating: 7.5/10.0

***

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And if there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

"Kill Switch"

Steven Seagal- Detective Jacob King
Holly Elissa Dignard- Agent Frankie Miller
Chris Thomas King- Detective Storm Anderson
Michael Filipowich- Lazereus
Isaac Hayes- Coroner
Mark Collie- Billy Joel Hill
Karyn Michelle Baltzer- Celine
Philip Granger- Captain Jensen
Riley Jang- Young Jacob
Connor Jang- Young Daniel
Directed by Jeff F. King
Screenplay by Steven Seagal
Distributed by First Look International
Rated R for strong brutal violence, language and some nudity
Runtime- 96 minutes
Buy it here