The Hush-Hush News Report 6.02.09: The 2009 Mid-Year In Review Edition, Part I

Posted by Jeremy Thomas on 06.02.2009

This week, we look at the first half of the year so far and recap the worst films to come out in the first of our two-part mid-year in review! Plus we have news on Bryan Singer on returning to X-Men and Superman, Ryan Reynolds talks Deadpool, Heathcliff following in fellow fat cat Garfield's footsteps, Ridley Scott's Alien prequel and more!

Wow, is it Tuesday already? I guess so, which means of course it's time for another edition of the Hush-Hush News Report! You all know me, I'm your host Jeremy Thomas, bringing the latest in news, rumors and more from the world of film. The MTV Movie Awards was last night and I was tempted to report on it, but then I saw the list of winners and laughed so hard I couldn't type anything in the way of commentary with a straight face. That's about all the digital ink I intend to spill over such a meaningless, waste of space awards show, so moving on…

Before you start reading, have you bookmarked 411Mania.com yet? It's the easiest thing in the world to do, and it'll get you your daily dose of entertainment news that much quicker! Typing the URL out in the address bar is such a pain, don'tcha think? Hell, make it your home page and it'll be that much easier for you!

Singer Hmms and Haws Around Comic Book Franchises



In a recent interview for the July issue of Total Film, Bryan Singer mused about returning to the X-Men franchise:

"I'm eternally intertwined with X-Men now," he told them. "What takes an audience four hours to watch - the first two movies - took six years of my life. So, to not be part of it....It's a shame."

They also asked Singer whether he wished he had directed the third "X-Men" movie, to which he replied, "It's weird for me to watch it, because I'm so close to the universe. And also Brett is a good friend of mine. But, of course, I would love to return to that universe."

Lastly, they tried to get his thoughts on possibly directing the in-development X-Men Origins: Magneto that had been announced years ago with David (Blade: Trinity) Goyer attached to direct. Singer gave a tentative "possibly" response, because he expects it to cover some of the same WWII Nazi Germany territory he's covered before:

" The only thing that concerns me about Magneto is that if the prequel were to follow the track I used in X-Men, which is Magneto's history in the concentration camp, then I've lived in that world. Apt Pupil, X-Men and now Valkyrie...I've lived in that Nazi universe for quite a while. I just might need to take a little break before I do something like that."

He was even less committal about making another Superman movie:

"I don't know, I don't know. There are still issues...I just...I just don't know. I don't necessarily...I don't know. It's one of those things where...It's so weird talking about stuff unless I'm about to ramp up and shoot it."

There's a lot of good in this little interview bit by Singer. First off, I'm happy to hear he's not locked into the idea of doing another Superman. The movie has its fans, but I was never a fan of the guy in the blue suit and red cape, and I thought that Singer made a lackluster movie as a whole, one of his relatively rare misfires. It sounds by the way he speaks above that he doesn't know what to say, and I wouldn't doubt that had something to do with certain things he can't say as opposed to just not wanting to say it. Whatever the reason, if it means we don't get another long and dull Superman flick I'm happy for it.

Now, onto the X-Men stuff. Let me start out that by saying that I don't believe Singer said what he did because he's a douche, the way Michael Bay tends to be sometimes; I think he honestly believes what he says and is saying it in an honest, not arrogant, way. That being said, I don't think he's intertwined in the way a lot of people are going to interpret this—as in, intertwined within the minds of fans. Singer seems to mean that from his own perspective he'll always be part of the franchise, and really, that's quite true. I would love to see Singer come back if they decide to do a fourth X-Men film or perhaps the rumored First Class film. At the same time I'm a little disappointed he's not too keen on doing Magneto. That's the kind of prequel that a stronger-name director like Singer could exert his control over to stop the studio meddling that X-Men Origins: Wolverine fell prey to, and without someone like him Fox is likely to get a lesser-known director who they can exert control over like they did with Gavin Hood. We'll see how it goes, and I can understand Singer's desire not to spend too much time in the Nazi world with all the time he's already clocked there, but I would love to see him take the reins for that one.


Allen Replaces Kidman with a solid Punch



Woody Allen has tapped British actress Lucy Punch to join the cast of his upcoming untitled film. She replaces Nicole Kidman.

Allen does not disclose details on plot, characters or even his titles, but sources said Punch will play a high-priced call girl similar to Ashley Dupre, who was at the center of the scandal that brought down New York Gov. Eliot Spitzer. Kidman bowed out because of a schedule overlap with "The Rabbit Hole," the John Cameron Mitchell-directed film she is producing as well as toplining.

Landing the role is a coup for Punch, who co-starred in the CBS sitcom "The Class" in the 2006-07 season. Her screen credits include "Hot Fuzz," and she just wrapped "Young Americans," starring Anna Faris and Topher Grace.

Punch joins Josh Brolin, Anthony Hopkins, Antonio Banderas, Naomi Watts and Freida Pinto in a film that Allen will shoot in London, with financing from Mediapro, the Spain-based company responsible for "Vicky Cristina Barcelona."

Well, from a physical standpoint Allen certainly could have chosen someone worse to be their Nicole Kidman replacement than Punch; look above, the woman looks like a younger Kidman for sure. I'm not familiar with The Class, but she did well enough with her brief role in Hot Fuzz as she with the annoying laugh, Eve Draper. Generally Allen is very good at casting his films and if she plays it right, this could be a huge chance for Draper, who is officially in Allen's most star-studded film in a while and playing the same kind of role that made Mira Sorvino a star and won her an Oscar. Personally I'm excited for this one and I hope it continues Allen's latest streak of good films.


New Mattell Monster to Sing and Dance On-Screen. Really.



Universal Pictures has made a deal to acquire an untitled Mattel toy property for a live-action musical film to be produced by Craig Zadan and Neil Meron, reports Variety. The duo will reunite with the Hairspray team of Marc Shaiman and Scott Wittman.

Shaiman and Wittman are in talks to write an original score for the musical.

This is the first time Mattel has made a deal for a property it has yet to launch, or even publicly disclose. Mattel would not reveal the name of the toy line or when it will launch, saying only that the property aspires to add a fresh twist to monster lore.

And here is your "Bizarre Movie News of the Week," folks. A monster film that's a live action musical by the people behind Hairspray? This has potential disaster written all over it, although it also falls under that "so off-key it just might work" caveat. Unfortunately, I think that caveat is pretty slim odds as I don't see Universal or the crew taking this as seriously as it would need to be, since it is just a film in order to market a toy, and audiences will likewise not take it seriously; the result will likely be a creative and financial bomb. Hey, I could be totally wrong and I admit that, it might be a very family-friendly hit. Christ knows it worked for Alvin and the Chipmunks. If they're talking about some sort of huge but shy monster who's cute and lovable a la Monsters, Inc. then maybe it will work, but all I can think of is Godzilla and the Cloverfield monster gaily two-stepping over Central Park while singing "I Feel Pretty." There, now just try to get that image out of your mind's eye. You're welcome.


Reynolds Talks Deadpool



Ryan Reynolds, while promoting his upcoming film "The Proposal" with Sandra Bullock, talked with IGN about the in-development Deadpool film. Among the things he had to say...

"We're just trying to get it right. There's so many variables to play. It's tough because when you have a character like Deadpool, to the greatest extent of your power, you want to bring as much authenticity to that character as possible. And by "authenticity," I don't mean that you'd want to make him somebody that you'd have a Starbucks coffee with, I mean that you want to make him as close to the comics as possible. And there's nothing that I wouldn't do to make sure that ends up on film, but sometimes things are out of your control, things that you can't change. But I'm really happy, in these early talks, that the studio is as obsessed with making it as close to the comic book source material as possible. And that's all I really needed to hear. Cuz I will husk-f*@k a herd of cattle to bring Wade Wilson to life as the real deal.

Without saying too much, I can't imagine that there's gonna be any tie-in to the Wolverine movie at all.

I would like to make him self-aware; I'd like to have a bit of a pop-culture air going on throughout the film. I mean, the greatest villain in a Deadpool comic is Deadpool. There's a lot you can do there, but you've gotta ask, "Who's the boss? Who's the guy he's going up against?" But it's breaking the fourth wall; it's including all those things in a way that works, but it's not nearly as hard as it sounds. It can really be done. And people tend to overlook the greatest resource we have, which is the comic book. If it can be done in the comic, it can be done on film in a way that's just as much fun to watch for people who know nothing about the character than for people who are obsessed with the character.

The biggest question is finding a filmmaker. Film is a director's medium, not an actor's medium. I have a voice, but there are louder voices in the room than mine. One is the studio and one is the director. And I respect that. The studio is paying a lot of money. It's very easy to discount the studio's opinion, but ultimately, they're paying for it. It's hard to not just tell everybody everything about it because you just get so excited. There's so much to do with a movie like this, so much you can do, and I'm just trying to figure out a way to structure all of those things around kicking Captain America in the nuts."

The good news here is that from the way he's talking, Reynolds really understands Deadpool and he seems to be pretty involved with the process. He gets that Wade Wilson isn't going to be the kind of character we've seen before, not even in the anti-hero elements of Punisher or Wolverine, and he wants to make him as authentic as possible—mentioning making him self-aware and making pop-culture references is certainly confidence-building. But at the same time, one has to remember that we heard very similar talk coming out of Hugh Jackman at this point in the Wolverine development, and that didn't quite turn out the way most people wanted. Those who read my stuff here know I'm a big Reynolds fan and so for me, this comes as tentative good news and gives us a ray of hope for this one to be good; of course, those who don't like the actor will feel very, very differently.


Shannon Close to Becoming a Runaway



Michael Shannon is in negotiations to play one of the lead male roles in The Runaways, the feature take on Joan Jett's seminal 1970s rock band, says The Hollywood Reporter.

Kristen Stewart will play Jett and Dakota Fanning is on board to play band mate Cherie Curry in the River Road film, which will revisit the short but influential life of the first all-female band of the rock era.

Shannon also is mulling several other offers, and timing details still need to be worked out on "Runaways."

Michael Shannon did some phenomenal work in Revolutionary Road, and that certainly has to have a lot to do with the "mulling several other offers" portion of this news bit; it appears that the man came out of the Academy Awards looking damn good in defeat to Heath Ledger. He's joining a film that has potential if it's done as a small indy-style film and not a big-budget biopic. This will be Stewart and Fanning's second turn together on the screen, following the upcoming New Moon in which Stewart plays human heroine Bella and Fanning plays undead illusionist Jane. One can hope that their experience working together will let them build some chemistry for this one, as they'll more than likely be the biggest names. As long as this is more Walk the Line than Josie and the Pussycats, I'll be happy.


The Other Fat Orange Cat Headed to the Big Screen



Heathcliff will be getting a second life on the screen courtesy of a joint venture between family animation studio Magic Lantern Entertainment and rights holder FitzRoy Media, reports Variety.

The two companies have signed a deal to develop a range of properties, from direct-to-DVD animated films to a potential live-action theatrical feature, updating the popular comic strip character for the 21st century.

Created by George Gately in 1973, the sarcastic Heathcliff remains in print today, written and drawn by Gately's nephew, Peter Gallagher.

The hope is to create a live-action/CG hybrid similar to Alvin and the Chipmunks or Garfield: The Movie.

Yeah, this is a terrible idea. But then, I hated both Garfield films and the Alvin and the Chipmunks movie (and am prepared to, in all likelihood, hate the upcoming Alvin sequel) so I'm probably not the intended audience. It also doesn't help that Heathcliff is going to be viewed, rightly or not, like a second-rate Garfield and thus this movie will suffer constant comparisons to that one. Snapping this up shows how desperate studios are to make money off any name property they can, and it's just getting sad at this point. Heathcliff, guys? Really?


Sonnenfeld to go Swift-ly into Production



Sony Pictures has picked up "Swift", a script described as a reimagining of the Tom Swift adventure novels says Variety.

This new version would feature Swift as one-half of a father-son team who are among the greatest inventors of all time. The character first appeared in a series of books that launched in 1910.

Barry Sonnenfeld ("Men in Black") and Ben David Grabinski penned the script which will be developed as a Sonnenfeld directing vehicle.

Okay, so this one actually doesn't sound like a terrible idea. Barry Sonnenfeld has had his share of misses—he directed Wild Wild West after all and produced Space Chimps—but he also did some great stuff with Men in Black. He's the kind of guy who could develop a father-son inventing team into a fun action-comedy type film. It's not the most known property but that also gives Sonnenfeld the freedom to toy with things a bit and update it without fanboys jumping all over it. I see this taking an MiB/West kind of film, but hopefully with more fun than the latter and containing enough cool invention gizmos to make the movie worthwhile. File this one under "could be good."


Scott Confirms Alien Prequel



Rumors were coming out of horror site Bloody-Disgusting that 20th Century Fox was interested in relaunching the "ALIEN" franchise with some sort of reboot or remake, following the recent news that Robert Rodriguez would be doing the same thing for 20th Century Fox's other sci-fi creature franchise, "PREDATOR".

While there was no confirmation from Fox, Collider's spoke with director Tony Scott to get confirmation and learned that Scott-Free Productions is indeed producing a remake with director Carl Rinsch helming. They hope that the movie, which is meant act as a prequel to Ridley Scott's original 1979 classic Alien, will be shooting by the end of the year.

You know, a lot of people might well consider this to be a terrible idea, but I'm not that down on it. That comes with one condition—that this is purely a prequel and not a reboot/reimagining/whatever. There's no need to reimagine the Alien franchise, if they want to continue the franchise there's many ways to do so. Having Ridley Scott involved is a good thing to be sure, as his entry in the franchise still stands out as the best to date and he's as likely as anyone to recapture what made these movies so good. This is certainly better news than any potential continuation of the Alien vs. Predator franchise that may have eventually come about, as those were quickly dropping past mediocrity into full-on bad films. I'm more hopeful for this than I am of the Predator reboot, simply because of the way things are being worded here. Carl Rinsch has very little work to his credit which is concerning, but everyone's got to start somewhere I suppose.

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Check below for some of the excellent work here on-site you should be reading if you haven't already:

Ask 411 Movies: Leonard Hayhurst answers your questions about Jim Varney's Earnest films, Double Trouble, and the death of the network promo!
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: Our B-Movie expert Bryan Krsitopowitz covers Steven Segal's direct-to-video Kill Switch!
Around The World in 24 Frames: Len Archibald continues his trip around the world of cinema, this week covering the classic German film M!
The Movie Zone Top 5: Trevor Snyder hosts as always while the Movie Zone staff counts off their Top Five Sam Raimi scenes!
Alternate Takes: In another great column, Shawn Lealos looks at the beginning of Sam Raimi's career and what led him to last weekend's Drag Me To Hell.
Ten Deep: Lucas Huddleston continues his countdown of the 50 Greatest Westerns of All-Time, moving from #42 to #32!
The Movie Zone Podcast: Leonard, Will, Erik and Chad talk about the new releases, Bazooka Joe, Al Pacino as Jack Kevorkian and more!

And for shameless self-promotion, check out my work, both here in the Movie Zone and over in the Wrestling Zone:

Movie Review: Terminator Salvation
Movie Review: Drag Me To Hell
DVD Review: Galaxy Quest (Deluxe Edition)
The Watcher Chronicles - Pangs: Thanksgiving with the Scoobies is not as much fun as you might think.
Angel Investigated - I Will Remember You: It's not truly a Whedon show if anyone is romantically happy...
The Wrestling Zone Top 5: Fantasy Matches: Another great topic from our host Mr. Bauer, which was fun yet tough to do!
I guest-R's on iMpact for a week...and get to see Foley beat up a cardboard Rocky Balboa. Whoo.
Wrestling's 4R's Tuesday Edition: And people wonder why we think SmackDown is the better show?
Wrestling's 4R's Friday Edition: Worst. Raw. Ever. (Not really, but of the last several years for sure)
Wrestler of the Week: Week 9: It was a Ring of Honor TV Taping Weekend, so you know K-Money is foaming at the mouth...



Check 411Mania out on MySpace!

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From Joseph Lee:
I have seen Rescue Dawn...and I love it. Christian Bale is good as always, but even Steve Zahn manages to bring the acting goods.

Yeah, it's amazing what Zahn can do when given proper material and direction, eh? I have to admit I was really surprised by Dawn, and pleasantly so. Why the studio marketed it the way they did, I still have no idea.


From Guest#3785:
Yeah, Kingdom of Heaven's director cut was better, but I think the more I see it, the more I find Bloom's role as detracting from it. For the sake of the article, it absolutely belongs.

I didn't think he was that detracting. Bloom didn't do a phenomenal job but he did well enough to carry the film, but to each their own. Glad to see you approve of its inclusion on the list though!


From Guest#3444:
stalag 17 fuckin rocked

Yes...yes, it did. They don't make 'em like they used to, I'm afraid.


From Spaghett:
Finally, some love for Rescue Dawn. One of the most underrated films of the last decade.

Gotta agree with you there, Spaghett. In fact, three of my films from last week I'd put on that list: Tigerland, Dawn and Grace is Gone. And the irony is that war films are typically not one of my favorite genres, mostly due to the big-budget stuff that turns me off and fails to deliver. But those three...wow.


From M A Weyer:
Thanks for recognizing Kingdom of Heaven. I bought the director's cut on sale and was amazed at how excellent a movie it was. Had Fox released that version, maybe it might have been not only a bigger box office success but a possible Oscar favorite as well, truly epic work. The two discs of the making of the movie are great too as is Scott's frank commentary tracks. A real shame it's overlooked but, like Blade Runner, I'm sure future critics can appreciate it better.

I've no doubt that it will hold up nicely in future criticism, Michael, and while I don't know that it will receive Blade Runner's status I think future audiences will appreciate it far more than those who saw it in the theater. Ironically, my copy of the extended version of Kingdom of Heaven was one I won from right here on 411Mania in a contest, long before I started writing here. Funny how things work out, huh?


From Guest#3149:
I thought all Jean-Claude Van Damme's movies were horror movies, well maybe not Bloodsport. HA!

Ahh, 3149...I beat you to that joke last week. Kudos for going ahead with it anyway...great minds think alike!


From Guest#7431:
just a couple of things.

1 manson never actually killed anyone the girls and tex were the killers

2 steve railsback is manson or at least his freaky twin bother

Well, I never said he actually killed them himself 7431, I simply called them the Manson Family Murders as they were popularly known. Trust me, I know my Crazy Charlie. That being said, he was clearly as responsible as those who wielded the knives so he's just as much a killer in my book as the girls and Tex. As for Steve Railsback...yeah, I'd have to agree with you, the resemblance is pretty uncanny. He could play the role nicely.

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The Hush-Hush Editorial Section: 2009 Mid-Year In Review Part One: The Worst So Far

Well, we've just about hit the middle of the year (I know, technically that won't happen until the end of the month, but I'm feeling froggy), and we've had an interesting year for movies thus far. The movie season began uncharacteristically strong on the backs of movies like Paul Blart: Mall Cop and Taken, and from where we stand the box office has seen its largest percentage increase in grosses in many years. It's unlikely that the 13.1% increase will hold, considering there is no Dark Knight mega-blockbuster looming ahead—not at a $500 million level at least, but then, I could well be wrong. While my box office crystal ball is a little murky though, hindsight is 20/20 and thus, between this week and the next the Hush-Hush News Report will be presenting the ten best and worst films of the year to date, starting this week with the bottom of the barrel! Now, it should be stated in advance that as much as I wish I had, I have not seen every film, and certainly there are probably a few movies that would make this list out of the ones I have yet to see. I don't have high hopes for Dance Flick or Donkey Punch for example, though they could always surprise me. and avoid the Hall of Shame. In lieu of those films however, I feel this is a pretty definitive list of the ten worst films to come out this year to date. So, let's cleanse the palate, shall we, before we get to the good stuff next week.

Dishonorable Mention: 17 Again, Bride Wars, Pink Panther 2



10. Fired Up
Genre: Comedy
My Thoughts: You know, one of the things critics often hear is "you have no sense of humor." That's always been sort of an odd accusation to me, because humor is one of the most subjective things that exist. What is funny to one person could easily be the least funny thing possible to the person right next to him. That being said, I have yet to find a single person who considered this funny. Nicholas D'Agosto comes off as somewhat charming but Eric Christian Olsen is just undeniably creepy as a thirty-year-old playing a high school teenager, and the only thing that's funny about this film is the unintentional humor Olsen provides by virtue of his age. The script is a lame pastiche of better comedies with similar themes and director Will Gluck doesn't add anything worthwhile, making this pretty much a complete waste of time. This probably won't be on the Bottom Ten list come December, but that's not exactly a ringing endorsement.
Rating: 3.5



9. Obsessed
Genre: Thriller
My Thoughts: Something always struck me as odd with this movie's poster. Take a look at it for a moment. Doesn't Beyonce, who's supposed to be the good and sympathetic wife, actually look more sinister than the villainous, psychotic Ali Larter? If that was all that was wrong with this movie then it wouldn't be anywhere near this list though. The biggest problem with it is that it's just boring. The script, by David Loughery of such ignominious films as Star Trek V: The Final Frontier and Money Train, is dull and doesn't bother attributing more than cardboard cut-out characterizations of anyone outside of Beyonce or Idris Elba's characters. Larter's role is the kind that one could easily have fun with, but she looks more like she's calling it in most of the time and Idris Elba seems embarrassed to be in this—a huge statement, considering he's been in Prom Night and The Unborn (see below) in the past two years. The climax of the inevitable showdown between wife and psycho stalker is entirely unsatisfying and the setting—a dangerous and unbalanced set of roof beams with a weak spot that leads to death—pretty much characterizes the entire film.
Rating: 3.0



8. The Uninvited
Genre: Horror
My Thoughts: The general rule for horror in 2009 should be "Avoid naming your film The Un-anything. This horror flick, a remake of a 2003 Korean film called A Tale of Two Sisters, is cheaply made and wastes the talents of Emily Browning, David Strathairn and Elizabeth Banks on poor plotting, worse pacing and far too many weak jump scares. If that weren't all that was wrong with the film, writers Craig Rosenberg, Doug Miro and Carlo Bernard throw in a stupid twist that exists only for the twist's sake; there was a similar twist in the original, but it was executed far better than here. This one is, much like the film in which it takes place, just viciously idiotic and exists only to make the stupid parts of the movie exist by virtue of a gimmick. At the same time, the directing do of Charles and Thomas Guard are too busy building things around the twist in order to create something real between the two sisters, which would have done far more to sell the impact ending than a bunch of contrived plot points. In an iffy year for horror so far, this stands out as bad, and that says a lot.
Rating: 3.0



7. Miss March
Genre: Comedy
My Thoughts: The least funny comedy to come around since last summer's The Love Guru, this first feature film from the sketch comedy group The Whitest Kids U Know is slightly less amusing than Disaster Movie. Let that thought percolate in your brain for a little bit. The inane plot of a guy put into a coma just before he's going to lose his virginity and then comes out of it (by virtue of a baseball bat to the face from his best friend) only to find out the girl he was going to give it up to is now a Playboy centerfold is actually the least of the movie's problem. The film is written, directed by and starring Trevor Moore and Zach Cregger, and I'm sure they're funny enough on their IFC comedy show. Here, they're about as funny as a vacation to a leper colony would be, relying on lame gags like an abstinence only class where Creggor's virginal teen Eugene talks about his brother who had sex once which resulted in a crack baby, syphilis, arson and more. One of the running gags is the name of Craig Robinson's rapper character, "Horsedick-dot-MPEG." Yes, that's the kind of movie this is. It's one of the lamest road trip films that have ever been given wide release, and certainly the worst comedy so far this year.
Rating: 3.0



6. 12 Rounds
Genre: Action
My Thoughts: I just about went into convulsions reviewing this film on the Movie Zone Podcast a while back. I actually enjoyed John Cena's first film, The Marine, for being a brainless yet fun little throwback to the action films of the 1980's like Commando. So I was hopeful that this film would at least be as good as that. I should have counted in the Renny Harlin factor, who generally makes movies worse just by getting too close to them. Whereas The Marine was campy fun, 12 Rounds takes itself way too seriously, and so does its star Cena who doesn't crack a smile more then maybe twice in the whole film. The plot is a direct rip-off of many far better action films, and you can almost see exactly which movies screenwriter (I use that term loosely) Daniel Kunka got individual scenes from because they're almost recreated shot-for-shot without any of the quality of those previous films. The villain is atrocious and has an Irish accent that wavers from there to not-there consistently and Ashley Scott has little to do except look hot for most of it—until the end, when she is suddenly the best helicopter pilot of all time. The entire thing is so mind-numbingly dumb that by the time the closing credits run one feels like they've lost a good ten to twenty points of IQ. Hopefully Cena can pull better than this down the road if he wants to do another film—and the studios let the WWE put him in one of theirs.
Rating: 2.5



5. The Unborn
Genre: Horror
My Thoughts: The promotion for this film touted it as "from the mind that brought us The Dark Knight." Unfortunately, David Goyer is not nearly as good when he has complete control over his own projects compared to when he just works on the script. Blade Trinity was one example of that; this is another, a laughably bad horror film that includes a villainous ghost child terribly named "Jumby," a dream sequence that hilariously features a dog with a mask on, bizarre-looking creatures that don't scare outside of one well-known image from the promos and Nazis from the past. Goyer seems more interested in seeing how many times he can show the terminally-bored Odette Yustman in her panties (which is the most risqué thing we see, by the way) and how many more improbable twists or weird images he can throw in. The worst crime here is that Goyer takes a great concept for a horror film, the Jewish dybbuk demon, and completely wastes it. Idris Elba and Gary Oldman are slumming it here playing exorcists and poor Jane Alexander is forced to say ridiculous things like "You must finish what was started at Auschwitz. You'd think SOMEONE in a script meeting would have stood up and said "Uh, guys…you think maybe we might wanna change that line to seem a little less…I don't know. Holocaust-ish?" This was a complete waste of film and the worst horror flick to come out in a good, long while.
Rating: 2.0



4. Push
Genre: Action/Sci-Fi
My Thoughts: I actually had some measure of hope for this film when I first heard about it. Not that I thought it would be great, but I had hopes that it could be a fun little sci-fi film. Instead, we got a film so poorly derivative of NBC's television show Heroes, you have to wonder why Tim Kring didn't sue the makers of the movie. Chris Evans, Dakota Fanning and Camilla Belle are all terribly miscast as super-powered individuals with silly labels like "Pusher," "Mover," "Watcher," "Sniffer" "Bleeder" and more. Why not call them telepaths, telekinetics, psychometrists and so on? At least then it would make sense and not sound quite as retarded. This is actually a movie I plan on giving another chance to, because my expectations may have unfairly influenced my view of the film, but for now it sits solidly near the bottom of the barrel of 2009 to-date.
Rating: 2.0



3. Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun-Li
Genre: Action
My Thoughts: How could they have possibly made a Street Fighter movie worse than the 1994 Jean-Claude Van Damme version? It seemed to have potential, with somewhat more realistic-looking settings and less camp. Unfortunately, along with the camp went any sense of fun that, for all its terribleness, the 90's film at least had some of. Here, Kristin Kreuk is forced to try and carry a movie on her shoulders while being saddled with terrible narration and a half-assed script that doesn't even try to veer remotely close to the Street Fighter mythos. If that were the worst part, this would be a bad movie but not this bad. No, instead we have Chris Klein giving one of the most jaw-droppingly awful performances in recent memory as Charlie Nash, whom Moon Bloodgood has to try and summon up some chemistry with as Maya Sunee. The dialogue is beyond laughable, the performances are terrible even outside of Klein's, and as the villainous M. Bison Neal McDonough can't keep his Irish accent (see a trend here?) or his performance on an even keel. I walked away from this movie shaking my head and laughing to myself, and not for any good reason.
Rating: 2.0



2. S. Darko
Genre: Hell if I could figure out
My Thoughts: You know, just to make sure that I wasn't having a bad day when I put it in, I've watched S. Darko twice. I still can't figure out what the hell anyone who made this movie was thinking. Never before have I seen such a pretentious, god-awful film that thinks it's so clever while failing on every possible level. The plot defies explanation but is something like this: Samantha Darko, the late Donnie's brother, has left her hometown to travel with her friend Corey from Virginia to California to become professional dancers. Their car breaks down in a Podunk town in Utah and they spend a couple days there being crazy little brats, before weird things start happening. Then the movie just goes way off-kilter into some of the most pointless scenes of all-time. There's something about Samantha having weird powers or being possessed or some such nonsense and…it's just too stupid to really try and get into. Daveigh Chase looks to be a talented actress but she doesn't even bother to try here, and the film—made without the involvement or approval of Donnie Darko director David Kelly—just ends up as one of the most arrogant attempts to be mysterious and cool without achieving either. Just remember kids…don't do drugs, or you might write or make something like this.
Rating: 1.75



1. Dragonball: Evolution
Genre: Fantasy Action
My Thoughts: People accused me in my original review of having my mind made up when I walked in, and that I just wanted to hate it. That's not true at all…I thought it was going to be terrible based on previews, but I actually wanted to like it. I never walk into a movie wanting to hate it…I would much rather, believe it or not, enjoy myself and write good things. Furthermore, any time that Hollywood makes a film relying heavily on fandoms then I really want it to be good because it will show that taking extra time to insist on quality will pay off in spades. Unfortunately this film was about as far from "good" as you can get. From cheap special effects to an obviously chopped-up editing process, poor characterizations and absolute embarrassing performances from nearly everyone involved, this one was a complete waste on almost every level. Let's not even get into the terrible dialogue, the bad costuming or the poor lighting of the shots. This was just, in every way imaginable, an awful film and it might well take something of Friedberg/Seltzer parody film-level within the next six months to knock it out of the bottom spot of 2009.
Rating: 1.5

Well, there you have it…the worst so far. Next week should be much more fun as we look at the ten best of the year so far. But that's for next week…for now, this is Jeremy Thomas, off the record, on the QT…



…and definitely, "Hush Hush!"