Misunderstood Masterpieces 6.23.09: Club Paradise
Posted by Will Helm on 06.23.2009
...or, SCTV Goes on Vacation!
In 1976, Second City Television premiered on a small network in Southern Ontario. Featuring alumni from the Toronto branch of the famed "Second City" improvisation troupe – as well as from Chicago and elsewhere, SCTV would later expand throughout Canada and even into the United States, first in syndication and then as a mid-season replacement on NBC. Much more than just "Canadian Saturday Night Live," SCTV introduced a plethora of talented performers to the world of entertainment, such as John Candy, Martin Short, Catherine O'Hara, and Dave Thomas, among others.
One of the most interesting aspects of the stars of SCTV is that, after the show's end in 1984, many of the cast worked together on other projects. One project in particular is so filled with SCTV alumni – as well as a Saturday Night Live alumna or two – that it could just be considered SCTV going on vacation, which is a perfect way to start off a trilogy of vacation comedies . . . that don't feature the Griswold family. Kicking off the trilogy is a film directed by SCTV alum – shocking, I know – Harold Ramis and starring manic stand-up comic Robin Williams: 1986's Club Paradise.
Sadly, it's not this Club Paradise.
Though a vehicle for Williams, Ramis, being of SCTV stock, made sure to bring some of his old cohorts in on the fun . . . even though critics didn't consider it much "fun," as they pilloried the film, including Roger Ebert, who stated that "the movie lives so firmly in the moment that it never develops any energy for its story." Unsurprisingly, with epithets like that pointed toward it, Club Paradise flopped at the box office, grossing only $12 million, just short of its $15 million budget. The question must be asked, though: did the critics and audience miss something good, or is Club Paradise yet another Misunderstood Masterpiece? Let's find out!
On the paradise that is the streets of Chicago, a fire engine blares forth from its garage to the scene of a conflagration. Once there, sarcastic, jaded fireman Jack Moniker (Williams) jokes with compatriot D-Day (Bruce McGill) as they tour the flaming building and Jack grows proud of an snot icicle he's got going. Well, that's a really attractive way to start the film. Over the course of their duty, Jack reveals that he's contemplating quitting this gig and heading down to "the islands." First, however, he rushes into the burning building to save some woman's "baby" . . . which just so happens to be a very angry dog. Jack, ever the professional, makes it jump out a window – to safety – and then he does a curtain call in the same window and blows up. Remarkably, he's alive enough to quit his job soon after.
Eventually, perhaps after a long and painful convalescence, Jack flies down to an "island," where he chills out, cuts a cast off his arm, and then throws a machete in a lagoon. I wonder if he's ever been to Camp Crystal Lake; that would explain how Jason Voorhees could find machetes so conveniently while underwater. Over time, Jack gets to know the locals and is even comfortable enough to go swimming with a bunch of young boys, which everyone probably thought was innocent at the time but now it just seems creepy. Or pedophilia is just another aspect of "paradise."
The next day – or sometime later, Jack heads over to the local bar, where he chats with the island's governor-general, Peter O'Toole. Peter O'Toole, probably with at least a liter of liquor swimming through his circulatory system this morning, patronizes Jack and, by proxy, Americans. Damned limey . . . even though he's actually Irish. While Peter O'Toole rambles about Marxist revolution and the end of the Queen's rule, Jack ambles over to chat with some pretentious British pilot (Simon Jones) and his eternally bra-less HOT CHICK associate (Twiggy), who instantaneously becomes the object of Jack's affection, even though she already seems to be with the pilot. Peter O'Toole, sensing Jack's attraction to the bra-less HOT CHICK, steps in to cock-block for no particular reason; perhaps it's just his way of interdicting British-American relations.
That evening, Jack goes to a Jimmy Cliff show, where the bra-less HOT CHICK and the pilot dance badly, mainly because they're painfully white.
They all look so happy to be in Misunderstood Masterpieces.
While the pilot makes a fool of himself, the bra-less HOT CHICK reveals that she would rather chat with Jack than dance with him, which seems to be OK with the pilot. I guess he's just a dancing fool . . . until he joins in to Jack and the bra-less HOT CHICK's conversation to insult the locals. Perhaps to provide a counter-point to the pilot's bias, Jack introduces Jimmy Cliff to his two guests.
Sadly, a spirited debate on local politics doesn't ensue – yet, as the conversation is rudely interrupted by the island's sleazy Prime Minister (Adolph Caesar), who wants some tax money from Jimmy Cliff. Jimmy Cliff doesn't trust the Prime Minister's motives – providing the spirited political debate – and he reveals that the locals don't trust the Prime Minister either, mainly because Jimmy Cliff is some sort of rebel leader. The Prime Minister, discontent at the undermining of his power, gives Jimmy Cliff two weeks to pay the back taxes. Jimmy Cliff, adopting a stereotypical "island" outlook on the situation, retakes the stage as if nothing happened while Jack and the bra-less HOT CHICK chat about Jimmy Cliff's club.
The next day, Jimmy Cliff plays a show at the local hotel, where hotel magnate Voit Zerbe (writer Brian Doyle-Murray) complains about the volume. After Jimmy Cliff finishes up his set, Voit makes him an offer to buy out his club, but Jimmy Cliff refuses, since he's principled or something like that. Elsewhere, Jack shows the bra-less HOT CHICK around his place on the island and, as well, he reveals that he's investing in Jimmy Cliff's club to keep it in business. Because being a resort investor is a lonely business, Jack then entreats the bra-less HOT CHICK to stay with him for companionship and nookie and he romances her with talk of benefits packages, rather than his package.
From the alternate version of the Walk This Way video.
Which is something I honestly never wanted to think about. Ever. Sorry about that.
In the following week or so, Jack and Jimmy Cliff fix up the resort and they stage photos for a brochure, which ends up in the hands of a bunch of dumb "Americans," most of whom also happen to be SCTV alumni. Specifically, these prospective tourists are greasy wannabe lotharios Barry 1 (Rick Moranis) and Barry 2 (Eugene Levy), bickering married couple Randy and Linda White (Steve Kampmann and Andrea Martin), mousy secretaries Mary Lou (Robin Duke) and Jackie (Mary Gross, who was never on SCTV, but who was on Saturday Night Live). In addition to these stereotypical pairs, cynical journalist Terry Hamlin (Joanna Cassidy) sees some prospects for a big story on the island, so she goes along with the rest for a little flight with a very crazy pilot (Joe Flaherty), who, upon landing, crashes into some bushes on the island.
As the guests disembark their flight of terror, Jack greets them with a steel-drum band, but the tourists seem less than pleased by the reception. Meanwhile, Voit and the Prime Minister scheme to foil Jack and Jimmy Cliff's endeavor; I guess they really, really hate small-business owners or something. That afternoon, Barry 1 and Barry 2 hit the beach, where they spy the mousy secretaries. While Barry 1 and Barry 2 decide that the secretaries aren't worth their time, Jackie has other ideas in mind, so she tries to flirt with the Barrys, but to no avail.
Over in the hotel, Linda complains about the amenities in her hotel room; meanwhile, Jack and the bra-less HOT CHICK talk with Terry about nothing in particular until they're interrupted by Randy – who looks an awful lot like legendary Celtic Kevin McHale – who lodges a complaint with Jack. Jack, ever the professional, responds by threatening Randy with violence and then he fixes Linda's plumbing. Literally, not figuratively. Perverts. Back on the beach, the Barrys watch with great interest two HOT CHICKS frolic in the surf, but their fun is spoiled when the HOT CHICKS' boyfriends show up, even though the Barrys console themselves by calling the boyfriends "gay." Really mature, guys.
Sometime later, Linda and Randy take to the sand and Linda plans on going parasailing with two hunky guys, much to her husband's chagrin. Elsewhere, Jack visits with the Barrys and he tells them to troll for HOT CHICKS, rather than sitting on chairs critiquing them from a distance.
At one time, this was sexy.
Linda, parasailing, flies high above the water . . . until her rope breaks and she crashes into a tree; strangely, she shows that she enjoys the moment by aping Tarzan. No pun intended.
Back at the club, Jack talks with Jimmy Cliff and his band, who walk off once Jack shows up. Jimmy Cliff explains that he and his band aren't happy with Jack because they don't want to be his minstrels and play watered down reggae for dumb tourists. Later, in the kitchen, Jack's crazy cook talks Creole to him, somehow revealing that she doesn't want some guy with huge dreads working alongside her. Jack solves the problem by simply making the guy wear a giant hat, under which he can hide his dreads. I would never think that practicality could be considered hilarious. Oh wait; it's not.
On a polo field somewhere, the Prime Minister and Voit scheme some more and then Voit has a little discussion about Jack with Peter O'Toole, perhaps seeking a little of the Queen's intervention in the matter. At the hotel, Linda gloats about flying through the air with the greatest of ease – until she ungracefully flew into some trees – while Randy mopes on the bed. Linda, unaware of Randy's burgeoning depression, decides to take a shower and is bludgeoned by the water from her newly fixed plumbing.
Remarkably, Linda recovers nicely from the aquatic assault and she and Randy head to the club that evening, just so that Jack can insult Randy for no particular reason. After Linda and Randy take their leave, Peter O'Toole arrives on the scene to patronize Jack and troll the club for HOT CHICKS while mentioning semen quite a few times and uncomfortably so. Jack, sensing an opportunity to impress one of his guests, tells Peter O'Toole to chat up Terry because she's a cynical critic and will probably be impressed by a representative of the Queen giving the club his imprimatur. Somehow, their forced conversation turns to Peter O'Toole's ex-wife, which piques Terry's interest for reasons that totally make no sense whatsoever. After all, all the magazines say not to mention exes on a first date ever . . . not that I read the "magazines," of course.
Elsewhere in the club, the Barrys impose themselves on some HOT CHICKS – one of which is Bond girl Carey Lowell – and the HOT CHICKS, perhaps seeking to rid themselves of the Barrys, tell the two guys to find them some weed. The Barrys, now with a grail to quest for, hitch a ride on the nearest cab and let the creepy driver take them to the narcotics. While, at the club, Jack introduces Peter O'Toole as the royal magistrate – impressing Terry in the process, which means Peter O'Toole's going to get some – and then Jimmy Cliff takes the stage, the Barrys somehow end up at a hootenanny that, to their horror since they have HOT CHICKS waiting for them, might last three days. Luckily for the Barrys, the creepy cab driver returns moments later and bestows on them their quarry: one joint. Nonplussed by the minuscule amount of ganja but resigned to romance some HOT CHICKS anyway, the Barrys return to the resort, where the HOT CHICKS steal their joint. Oops.
Later, in Jack's office, Peter O'Toole meets with Jack to discuss the politics of the island, particularly that there's nefarious goings-on afoot and Peter O'Toole thinks Jack should know.
Remarkably, Peter O'Toole didn't win an Oscar for Club Paradise either.
To that end, Peter O'Toole wants Jack to spy on the Prime Minister, specifically by sneaking onto a mysterious yacht anchored in the island's harbor. Though Jack initially refuses, he and Jimmy Cliff sail out to adventure while Linda proves to be a limbo champion back at the club. Once on the boat, Jack and Jimmy Cliff discover that developers have their eyes on the island, transforming it from a pastoral land to a commercial-industrial outpost for the rich and bored. Once Jack and Jimmy Cliff make this terrible realization, they're arrested by cops who just happen to be on the yacht as well. Did Peter O'Toole sell them out? The world may never know . . . because that plot point is actually never revealed. Or, at least, I don't think it was. I don't remember and honestly couldn't care less.
The next day, Jack and Jimmy Cliff hang out in jail until the Prime Minister arrives to provide exposition and threats. Jack, unhappy with his treatment at the hands of the government, swears REVENGE until they're finally released by the bra-less HOT CHICK. Elsewhere, at his palatial estate, Peter O'Toole lounges around with Terry, because she digs men in positions of power, evidently. While Terry has breakfast, Peter O'Toole laments that the world sucks; alcohol is a depressant, after all.
Out on the beach, Linda whips off her top, which causes Randy and Jack to freak out, mainly because Jack doesn't want to get in trouble with the local gendarme . . . again. Conveniently, just after Jack soothes Linda's desire for public nudity, the Barrys ask Jack where they can score some marijuana, much to Jack's chagrin. To his credit, though, he does give them a hint, but not enough to be considered an accessory to the crime. Of course, to add to Jack's troubles, Jackie decides to go topless as well; Jack, after getting her to cover up, decides to cure his guests bout of apparent "island fever" with a proposal: a nude orgy on some secluded beach. Whoa . . . I didn't know it was going to be one of "those" kind of movies.
While Barry 1 goes out to sea while windsurfing, the rest of the guests visit the secluded beach for their "nude orgy," which pretty much comprises Barry 2 talking to the secretaries while naked. That's attractive. Local kids, perhaps as a measure of REVENGE for Jack's swimming with them earlier, steal the tourists' clothes, which causes them to argue and go native as they hike back into the jungle and Barry 2 regales the HOT CHICKS with tales of his diarrhea. Unsurprisingly, they don't find that to be quite exciting. Deeper in the jungle, somehow Linda and Randy end up separated from the group, and a python, perhaps tired of hearing Linda complain, attacks her while Randy philosophizes. Luckily for Linda, Randy stops channeling Plato long enough to rescue her . . . but perhaps too late to rescue their marriage.
Back at the club, Jack drinks heavily; I guess he's been hanging out with Peter O'Toole too long. Meanwhile, the tourists – with Randy and Linda once again among them – stumble onto Voit's resort. At the club, Jack seeks comfort in the arms of the bra-less HOT CHICK and they make out a bit, until their interrupted by a phone call revealing the location of the missing tourists. Jack hightails it over to the rival resort, where he rounds up his guests while Voit butters up Randy, as Linda is losing quite a bit of money on Voit's craps table and Voit doesn't mind one bit. Jack, proving to be more influential than Voit, pries Randy and Linda away from the table and then he matches wits with Voit. Voit, seeking to avoid any undue trouble, makes Jack an offer for the club, but Jack refuses by playing blackjack and winning by hitting on 18. Voit responds by complimenting Jack and firing the dealer.
At the club, Jimmy Cliff sings again and Linda is really into it; Randy, however, isn't so much, so he wanders off and meets with Barry 2, who wants him to join in a little party with some HOT CHICKS, since Barry 1 is apparently lost at sea.
From this to Club Paradise; I'd say that's a downgrade.
Randy takes the offer under consideration, so Barry 2 heads back to his bungalow, where he inadvertently stumbles over a giant bag of pot that just happens to be in his room. Meanwhile, in the club's office, the Prime Minister shows up to make Jack and Jimmy Cliff a final offer. Jack insults the Prime Minister, so the Prime Minister has the police raid the club and Jack and Jimmy Cliff make a break for it. In his bungalow, Barry 2 has a freak out and runs off with the weed as it starts raining for no reason in particular. I have to wonder if that was actually part of the plot or it just started raining and Ramis said "go with it."
In the rain and incognito, Jack and Jimmy Cliff have a falling out and Jimmy Cliff runs off to kill people with a machete under the guise of starting a revolution. The next morning, the Prime Minister and Voit meet with a Swiss guy (Louis Zorich) and a sheik (Bobby Ghisays) about the two investors' plans for the island. Unfortunately for Voit and the Prime Minister, the negotiations head south, and then the Prime Minister has a fit of apoplexy as it seems that the entire island is on strike, thanks to Jimmy Cliff.
On a beach, Barry 1 washes up, remarkably alive. In town, the Prime Minister holds a hearing where he declares martial law, causing a riot among the populace. Meanwhile, on the yacht, Voit plots against the Prime Minister, since the economic value of the island is quickly lowering thanks to the Prime Minister's mismanagement. Elsewhere, Peter O'Toole has a talk with Jack where he pines for New York; Jack, in response, gives Peter O'Toole a stern talking-to because Peter O'Toole is lazy British gentry and Jack is a righteous American.
Back at the club, Jack then addresses the tourists and tells them to leave but, before they can, Jimmy Cliff's militia – comprising pretty much just him, the band, and a few other guys – show up to use the club as a headquarters. Elsewhere on the island, the official army moves out under the Prime Minister's command. On a secluded road, Barry 1 emerges from the jungle and, preposterously, discovers Barry 2 and his massive bag of weed and the Barrys celebrate their reunion.
Over at the club, the Prime Minister has his army shoot up the place, so Jack evacuates the tourists to the local beach and then he shoots the Prime Minister's army with water, since that's what he knows how to do best. After this diversion, Jack and Jimmy Cliff run off to apparent safety, but the Prime Minister's army follows and a standoff ensues, after which the Prime Minister wants to kill everyone, including the tourists . . . which can't be good for publicity. Before the Prime Minister can enact his small-scale genocide, Peter O'Toole, dressed as if he's ready for a charge on the Crimea, leads a horde of locals onto the beach and overthrows the Prime Minister. And then, just to add to the Prime Minister's indignities, Voit abandons him and the island for the Caymans. In the aftermath, the Barrys fly off with their weed to Florida, but the crazy pilot decides there's too much weight on the plane, so he drops the giant bag of pot onto the hootenanny. And there is much rejoicing.
Take us home, guys!
Though Harold Ramis can be a great director, as seen in classics like Caddyshack, National Lampoon's Vacation, and Groundhog Day, he also has more than a few missteps on his résumé, such as Bedazzled; Stuart Saves His Family; and, sadly, Club Paradise. Though billed as a comedy, Club Paradise is largely unfunny and, even worse, painfully slow, plodding from gag to gag at a glacial pace. Though packed with very funny performers, the characters are largely just broad caricatures of actual personas, as if their existence is enough to elicit laughs. As well, the film wastes Peter O'Toole and, even, Robin Williams, as Williams has no particular traits defining his character and O'Toole appears almost as if he's bored silly by the proceedings. I can't say I blame him, though, as the film has far too little comedy and far too much Caribbean politics, which is almost never hilarious. Unsurprisingly and deservingly, Club Paradise is yet another Misunderstood Masterpiece for Harold Ramis; perhaps he'll do better with Year One? Let's find out . . . sometime later.
Join me next week as yet another SCTV alumnus goes on vacation, hopefully with more comedic results than his former colleagues. See you then!
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