A Little Push 06.27.09: Thoughts on the Transformers Machine(s)

Posted by Rick Tym on 06.27.2009

A Little Push struggles with the internal debate of whether to see Revenge of the Fallen, a new trailer for Daywalkers starring Ethan Hawke, Frank Darabont's upcoming projects and more!

What "Makes" a Movie?

I was going to title this little experiment "what makes a movie successful?" but everybody knows there's no real answer for that particular question. At least, not one that everyone can agree on. Some will say box office, others will say critical reception, and the real nutters will tell you that The Chronicles of Riddick is a stellar film. (Sorry, Vin. And to anyone else who liked it. I hear that Diesel wants to make two sequels, so your glory days may still lie ahead.) The real answer to this riddle is simple: no one knows. You may like it and your wife/girlfriend/BFF may despise it. This variance in tastes is what makes "fans" fans and what makes visiting certain message boards (you know, the ones upon which they cry "First!") so much fun to visit. Everybody's got an opinion; if they didn't, I wouldn't be writing this news report, now would I?

So consider this the part of a two-week adventure. I've got to investigate the root cause of the incident myself; the Push simply has to see this spectacle that has audiences, critics and talkbackers divided. Of course, I speak of the Fallen.


But it's got Optimus Prime in it! Can it really be that bad?
Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is all over the charts. Literally. Well, maybe not critically. Last time I checked this bad boy was sitting pretty low on the Rotten Tomato Meter, and reviews from the likes of Roger Ebert tell potential viewers that seeing the film on the big screen is akin to being hit in the head with a frying pan while watching paint dry. (I know those weren't Ebert's words but I'm on a deadline and somebody said it, hence the use of the phrase "from the likes of.") Mikey Bay has unleashed his, well, Bayhem upon the world and while it may not be good, ticket buyers are certainly lapping it up to the tune of $60.6 million U.S., earned on opening day alone.

Did you see that correctly? Yes, you did, because I double-checked. $60.6 MILLION U.S. ON ITS OPENING DAY. As the kiddies used to say: like, wow. Coupled with its international grosses so far, it's safe to assume that no matter how bad the Bayhem people really, really love fighting robots. (Did you hear that Optimus Prime is quite the sadistic son-of-a-you-know-what in this one? Can't wait to see him rip some robot faces off his enemies.)

The Push did not make a contribution to this opening salvo from the wallets of moviegoers. However, it will be making its customary $5.50 matinee ticket price donation to the gods of action overkill sometime this weekend. It's got big frickin' robots fighting in it, right? Surely there's some good there for a guy like me who owns the DVD and enjoyed the spectacle of the original in the theater.

I knew I couldn't be crazy so I asked my good friend and Lost co-conspirator Ben Piper (actually, he let me chime in on his Get LOST column this year so he's more of a Lost guru) whether or not he would be seeing this summer's robots in disguise cinematic endeavor. Here's what he said:

Oh, hells nah!

You can count me in the side of the argument that doesn't like Michael Bay. Don't get me wrong. He's made movies that I enjoyed the first time that I watched them (The Rock, Armageddon, Con-Air, Bad Boys, etc.) but the simple fact of the matter is that none of his films hold up after that first initial viewing. He is in my opinion a very talented hack. He does great action sequences, but his movies lack any kind of real genuine heart, soul, gravitas or depth. Oh, sure, plot elements are put in place to make sure you feel some kind of emotion or tug at your heart strings, but they are nothing more than plot contrivances/manipulations under Bay's eye. He's as subtle as a [expletive deleted] jackhammer, just as goddamned noisy, and slightly more annoying.

I think my biggest problem with Bay is the fact that he doesn't approach the big set pieces as gravy that better serves the story he's trying to tell. His approach seems to be that the actual story is mere filler to the big eye candy. Story doesn't matter to him. Whenever his movies pause from the action bits it gets wooden and artificial. Sure, he can direct the hell out of the big moments, but the smaller subtle ones that are supposed to make us, oh, I don't know, GIVE A [EXPLETIVE DELETED] about the characters come off as contrivances.

Ahem. Well played, sir. Well played.

However, I'm still going to go see it. Because while everything that Mr. Piper said above is undoubtedly true, I'm still holding out hope that the promise of giant fighting robots will overshadow things like stereotypical (some would say borderline racist) Transformers from the hood, paper-thin plot and 50,000 moving parts per Autobot and Decepticon. In other words, the Push is going to see if the fiery, explosion-laden style is enough to overpower the obvious lack of substance that its been reading about for the past few days since the U.S. release began plowing its way through theaters. Will the $200 million price tag be justified by yours truly? Tune in next week to find out.


The Push may regret this…

Ethan Hawke and the Daybreakers

Imagine a world where vampires are the norm (as much as "norm" can be…well..normal) and humans are farmed out for blood supplies. Sounds like a nifty idea, right? Well, here's the trailer for a movie just like that…



Man, this looks interesting but for some reason it just screams of great concept coupled with poor execution. There are a ton of philosophical implications that will likely go unexamined in favor of some good old bombastic gunfire exchanges and chase scenes. Here's hoping that we get to see Ethan Hawke do some actual emoting on the screen; the Push would love to see some exploration of this type of alternate universe as well as the actor flitting around the screen in action hero mode.

Daybreakers does, however, make a good case for the possible advantages of Twilight counterprogramming.

Best Picture Noms to Increase

Were you miffed that The Dark Knight didn't get a shot at the Academy Award for Best Picture last year? A Little Push was. Well, in an effort to open up the awards ceremony for wider audiences, the Academy announced that there would be ten slots instead of the usual five for Best Picture nominations next year, something that hasn't been done since 1943.


Shoulda, coulda, woulda.
Color me with mixed emotions. On one hand, it's great that more films will get recognized for their merits come Oscar time. On the other, most years don't even yield a convincing five nominations. Pixar efforts and other more mainstream films get pushed to their respective categories instead of garnering the attention they deserve. The Push watches the Academy Awards every year regardless, so this will have no impact on my viewing habits. For some reason, it just seems like any popular movie will get a consolation prize with a nomination while some "deeper" film will still pick up the victory. Can the Oscars convincingly straddle the line between both? I guess we'll find out next year.

Slumdog Millionaire rocked, though.

Darabont's 451

In a short interview at the 35th Annual Saturn Awards, Frank Darabont (The Mist, The Shawshank Redemption) told shocktillyoudrop.com that his planned adaptation of Fahrenheit 451 is still at the top of his to-do list.

Says Darabont: "That's been a bit of a struggle. Hollywood doesn't trust smart material... I actually had a studio head read that script and say: ‘Wow, that's the best and smartest script that I've read since running this studio but I can't possibly greenlight it.' I asked why and he says ‘How am I going to get 13-year-olds to show up at the theater?'"


Forget Fahrenheit 451, Frank. How about this?
When asked about the long-planned adaptation of Stephen King's (or Richard Bachman's, depending on how you want to look at it) The Long Walk, Darabont said: "'It's going to be coming up I think pretty shortly. But I'll be making it, I'm sure, even more cheaply than The Mist because I don't want to blow the material out of proportion. It's such a very simple, weird, almost art film-like approach to telling a story."

In a bid to see if he could replicate the success his popular novels enjoyed, Stephen King wrote four books that were published under the pseudonym Richard Bachman in the late Seventies and early Eighties. The Long Walk is one of them and tells the story of a future world where the nation's grandest competition consists of a group of 100 young males that walk against each other, struggling to maintain their sanity as well as the minimum speed of four miles per hour. Fall underneath this speed and you get a Warning. Falter again after your third Warning and you are "ticketed" by soldiers who ride alongside the Walkers on halftracks armed with military rifles.

Of course, there's much more to it than that, and it is one of King's best reads. After enjoying his own success (mostly critical, to be fair, at least until home release) helming Uncle Stevie's more "thoughtful" works (The Mist counts even if there are giant mutations terrorizing the characters who deal with the implications of religion and mass hysteria, plus he also helmed The Green Mile), the Push is salivating at the thought of Darabont making a big screen version of The Long Walk. To me, this was the more important piece of news coming out of his conversation with STYD, and the Push will be keeping its eyes open for any further tidbits.

Outtro

Man, what a bummer of a week. Ed McMahon, Michael Jackson and Farrah Fawcett all passing away? Talk about depressing. The Push also recently received word that one of its close friends got news that a relative passed away. While I won't divulge their name, rank or serial number here, I just experienced a loss of my own, so I humbly offer my condolences to them as well as everyone--family, friend or fan--affected by these deaths.

And to think, the news that Scrubs going to medical school (without the Janitor, no less) was the only thing that really had me a bit morose at the beginning of this week. Just goes to show you how silly this pop culture stuff can be sometimes.


No Janitor? No way.
But, as always, the show goes on, because this crazy world of entertainment (Jon Minus Kate + Eight notwithstanding) can keep us going with a distraction or two from the things that are lurking right around the corner. As mentioned at the beginning of this news report, it still remains to be seen if Transformers 2 will be a show worthy of keeping the reel revolving. Meet me here next week to find out and in the meantime, enjoy the rest of the weekend and the days beyond. Thanks for reading A Little Push.

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