Misunderstood Masterpieces 6.30.09: Summer Rental
Posted by Will Helm on 06.30.2009
...or, It's Like Brokeback Mountain, but with Boats
With summer busting out all over the Northern Hemisphere hope the skiing's good, Antipodeans, many eyes on the East and West Coasts of North America turn to the beach for recreation. Though some are lucky enough to live close enough to the shore for day trips, many Americans and Canadians . . . more on that later seek a longer stay on the ocean and, therefore, they rent either a motel room or a beach house and use it as a temporary vacation home. Though hypocritically disliked by the locals who often resent the renters' Philistine ways, these renters are vital to local economies up and down the American coastlines.
And so ends the microeconomics lesson . . .
While, last week, most of the cast of SCTV took a little trip to the Caribbean, this week, SCTV's biggest breakout star figuratively and literally goes off on his own for a little fun in the sun as John Candy stars in Summer Rental. Coming just after Candy's star-making run on SCTV, classic bit parts in hit comedies, and a spectacular supporting role in the Tom Hanks hit Splash, 1985's Summer Rental puts Candy in the lead as a test of his box-office mettle.
It's John Candy, and he's comin' to get you!
Directed by comedy veteran Carl Reiner who is no stranger to this column, as he's directed The Man with Two Brains and Summer School, as well as other films, Summer Rental, despite middling reviews, grossed almost $25 million in theaters and, remarkably, that was enough to convince Hollywood that John Candy could be a marketable commodity, as he went on to star in many other films after then until his untimely death in 1994. But, of course, I have to go back to the beginning and see if Summer Rental deserved all those lackluster reviews or if it truly is a Misunderstood Masterpiece. Let's find out!
In voice-over, harried middle-American Jack Chester (Candy) is pestered one morning by his daughter, who needs his signature on a tardy slip, and his wife, who tells him to eat before work . . . but then she (Karen Austin) takes away his coffee as he gets into his car. On the way to work, Jack eats a hard-boiled egg, given to him by his voice-over son, and listens to religious radio for no reason in particular, as he doesn't seem particularly devout. Perhaps proving his disdain for the content on his radio, Jack then smashes an uncooked egg on the dashboard, although he may have thought it was a hard-boiled egg . . . the film is unclear on the matter.
Once at work, Jack parks and then some guy parks right next to him and so close that Jack can't open his door. Of course, the culprit runs off because he's "late for work"; he's probably actually just a demon on hand to make Jack's life miserable. Inside the building, Jack talks to himself as he goes up some stairs and then he takes his place in an air-traffic-control room, where he does his job . . . badly. Just to demonstrate how bad he is at his job, a fly ironically nearly leads to a plane crash. As it seems that Jack isn't cut out for this line of work, despite a high level of seniority, the company suspends him . . . I mean "sends him on a mandatory vacation."
Thankfully, the movie skips the painful "telling his family all about it" part and jumps right to the trip down to Florida, before which Jack packs and scolds his family: wife Sandy, son Bobby (Joey Lawrence), and daughters Jennifer (Kerri Green) and Laurie (Aubrey Jene). After a rather uneventful drive, the Chesters arrive in Florida and unpack their U-Haul; meanwhile, their dog terrorizes their new elderly neighbors.
All you b*****s and h**s better recognize the Candyman.
Since the Chesters are now on vacation, the newfound leisure seems to have turned on Sandy's libido, as she flirts with Jack. Jack's too busy unpacking to care, though, so Sandy wanders off and the kids go swimming, leaving Jack behind to mock the yuppie neighbors and get a terrible sunburn.
After Bobby attacks Jack with a crab and Jack realizes the dire straits his sunburn has put him in, the family goes to a lobster house, probably because Jack's color matches that of the restaurant's fare. Once at the restaurant, the Chesters hilariously stand in line. Ooh . . . exciting! When Jack and his family make it to the front of the line, the snooty maitre d' eschews them for local boating legend Al Pellet (Richard Crenna), who takes the Chesters' rightful table, much to Jack's chagrin. While Al sits triumphantly at the table and abuses his wife and guests, Jack marches over to exact his REVENGE, which amounts to a stern talking-to and bullying a hapless waiter. Al, as a disdainful local, believes he has seniority over the town, so Jack leaves nonplussed and without any lobster. In order to satiate the family's hunger, Jack takes them to some local dive bar but with no sign of Guy Fieri owned and operated by Pirate Rip Torn!
Later that night, in bed, Sandy rubs down Jack's sunburn and they get a little frisky. Overnight, though, Jack's peaceful slumber is rudely interrupted by strange noises downstairs and he wakes to find a black family trying to break into his house! Dum-dum-DUM! Or not, as it seems that Jack and the Chesters actually broke into the black family's house, thanks to a hilarious misunderstanding of street addresses. Luckily for Jack and his family, the black family doesn't press charges I guess this happens a lot, even though the black family did, foolishly, leave their keys in the mailbox and the Chesters quickly leave the scene, but not before Jack drops a bag full of dog food on the floor and Laurie wets the bed. I guess those are just going-away presents. No hard feelings, upwardly mobile black family!
The next morning, the Chesters end up in a dilapidated hovel next to a construction site on the beach, where goofy beachgoers walk by and watch the Chesters eat breakfast.
Yes, this really is Rip Torn. Goatees make a huge difference.
Jack, curious as to what's going on, asks some guy to fill him in, so the guy belches at Jack, which evidently is enough of an explanation. A little later, Jack takes Laurie to school, but, before he leaves, he yells at Jennifer for wearing a bikini, until some douchey lifeguard runs in to interrupt Jack's parenting. Jack is left to trust Sandy to reprimand Jennifer, but I don't foresee that happening as Sandy, with Jennifer on the beach, seems to relish her newfound status as a MILF.
That afternoon, while Sandy and Jennifer relax comfortably and Bobby is nowhere to be found for some reason, Jack with Laurie in tow stumbles onto the beach with a leaky cooler and a Chicago Blackhawks jersey with horribly incorrect striping and numbering. I sure hope the guys over at Uni Watch never see this! After annoying scores of beachgoers, Jack finally finds his wife and daughter and collapses in the sand. After recovering, Jack then complains about Jennifer spending time with some lifeguard, since Jack treasures his daughter's virginity. Perhaps to hammer home Jack's sexually controlling nature, Bobby then hits him in the junk with a Frisbee, which eventually, through a convoluted series of events, leads to Jack molesting a female sunbather. Jack is one freaky tourist. Finally, Jack finishes off the "fun" afternoon by ruining a game of volleyball; his family, perhaps so embarrassed by Jack's antics, buries him in the sand.
While Jack lies interred in the sand and ruminates over his day, he somehow comes to the conclusion that if he goes sailing, he'll impress his son. I didn't know there was a son-impressing subplot going, but I'll let this one slide, movie. After Jack is rebuffed at the legitimate boat-rental place, he borrows a sloop from Pirate Rip Torn, who's quite the entrepreneur. Alas, Jack isn't as much the sailor as Pirate Rip Torn is business owner, but Pirate Rip Torn is impressed with Jack's pluck nonetheless . . . at least until Jack "accidentally" rams Al's stately yacht due to a miscommunication of right-of-way, which leads to Jack tearing up his knee and Al freaking out.
Jack, now with a sprained knee, mopes at home, so Sandy offers some pity sex to cheer him up. After seeing her rocking a swimsuit earlier, I can't believe he's even hesitant to take her offer. That must be some serious funk Jack's in. I'll have to call George Clinton and see if he's responsible. While Jack sits around, his family goes to the movies, but, alas, a forgotten wallet may ruin their fun. Luckily for Sandy and the kids, John Laroquette and his son are on hand to intervene; their only compensation: hooking Jennifer up with John Laroquette's son.
Hello, I'm John Laroquette and I approve this column.
Meanwhile, at home, Jack's dog forces him to get off his chair and stumble outside in the rain to grab the dog's bone; Jack, unsurprisingly, ends up locked out of the house.
The next morning, Jack has breakfast with the family, but they quickly leave because they're going boating with John Laroquette. Or Jack just stinks because he's been sitting around with a bum knee and probably unable to take a shower. Or both. While the sun beats down on the beach, Jack stumbles around his porch and spills a pitcher of iced tea when some HOT CHICK (Lois Hamilton) comes over to introduce herself. After exchanging pleasantries, the HOT CHICK invites Jack over for some "lemonade," which turns out to comprise the HOT CHICK showing Jack her rack. While some lady lets her daughter use Jack's bathroom at the unoccupied beach house and a Woody Allen impersonator gets a drink, the HOT CHICK's husband shows up to make Jack feel up his HOT CHICK wife; they must be the beach's most popular perverts.
After fondling his neighbor's chest, Jack returns home to find his abode invaded by a horde of beachgoers. Jack, at the end of his rope, finally cracks and goes crazy, which culminates in him threatening the belching guy from earlier with a crutch. Jack, fed up with life, ambles over to Pirate Rip Torn's bar to drown his sorrows. Once there, Jack gets hammered with the proprietor and they bond. Pirate Rip Torn, either looking for someone to mentor or just really "lonely," offers to teach Jack how to sail like a man . . . or he's hitting on Jack. It's really kind of unclear and kind of creepy. To that end, Jack and Pirate Rip Torn end up in a boat together and Pirate Rip Torn starts singing the theme from The Love Boat. I hope that's not his mating call! Jack doesn't seem to suspect anything, though, as he joins in the chorus.
The next day, Sandy walks out on Jack because she's evidently tired of him not having any fun; Jack, strangely, goes to see Pirate Rip Torn for comforting and "sailing." Though Jack enjoys their time together, he may be resentful of these feelings that his burgeoning relationship with Pirate Rip Torn are bringing to the surface, so he attacks Pirate Rip Torn with a boom. Pirate Rip Torn survives the assault and, over drinks later, he and Jack reconcile. How sweet! It's their first tiff. Although Pirate Rip Torn isn't as forgiving as he seems, as he plans to exact REVENGE against Jack, through sailing lessons! Dum-dum-DUM!
Again, the next day, Sandy and the kids go off together and, once they're gone, Jack runs off to see Pirate Rip Torn.
Whoa! I can't believe I'm in this movie! Whoa!
It's a wonder Sandy doesn't suspect that Jack is cheating on her with the HOT CHICK neighbor, since he's so hesitant to spend time with her; then again, this isn't a drama . . . and the reality of the situation is even more bizarre than that. Once they're together, Pirate Rip Torn tells Jack all about the sea and a boat using female analogies, perhaps to hide his homoerotic passions under the guise of heterosexuality. After innumerable lessons, Jack finally graduates from Pirate Rip Torn's Sailing School and Pirate Rip Torn gives Jack a cap and a hook in lieu of a diploma. Thankfully, Pirate Rip Torn doesn't invite Jack over later for a private graduation party. That would probably be too obvious.
The next morning, Jack ignores his family at the breakfast table and then goes to a funeral home to meet with his landlord, who's evidently either dead or a zombie. While Jack chats with some real-estate agent, Al mourns the landlord's demise for a moment before hassling other mourners so he can sign some papers in peace. It seems that Al is now Jack's new landlord and his first action is to evict Jack by the end of the week. Dum-dum-DUM! That night, Jack tells his family and they freak out. Sandy later stares at Jack intently for no reason, but Jack would rather spend time with Pirate Rip Torn, who reveals he has a grudge against Al. I guess Sandy's pity sex wasn't that good after all.
Jack, emboldened by Pirate Rip Torn's plight as well as his own, plots REVENGE against Al . . . through sailing! Jack's first step in that plan: he hurries over to the lobster house, where he finds Al in the bar, regaling some goof with his sailing prowess. Jack interrupts the conversation and lays down a challenge for Al: if Jack beats Al in the local regatta of which Al is the long-running champion, Jack and his family get to stay for two weeks free of rent. If Jack loses, on the other hand, Al gets everything he wants, no questions asked. Al, who can't believe that anyone, much less Jack, can beat him, accepts the challenge, and then they both choke on some popcorn.
That evening, Jack, once again, explains the situation to his family it's nice to see that they're an active part of the plot and not just window dressing and they reveal that they're very skeptical of his chances. The next day, some stereotypical Scottish guy (Richard Herd) surveys Pirate Rip Torn's boat . . . which is also his restaurant. Though the Scottish guy isn't optimistic of the boat's chances, Jack and Pirate Rip Torn team up to fix up the vessel and, in the process, Pirate Rip Torn gets to feel up the HOT CHICK, which is probably hard to do with a hook for a hand. Unless she always wanted a pierced nipple; she does seem freaky like that.
Sometime later, Jack chats with Sandy and Jennifer and finds out what's been going on for them on vacation;
Kerri Green: She can search for my One-Eyed Willie anytime.
The next day, Sandy and the kids show up at the docks to help Jack and Pirate Rip Torn to make the boat seaworthy. Of course, Sandy may also want to try and win back Jack from Pirate Rip Torn's Svengali-like sway, but that's secondary to the plot, since this is a comedy. While Pirate Rip Torn argues with the Scottish guy about a sail, a musical montage breaks out and, through the power of '80s pop, the boat is finished with time to spare. Sadly, Pirate Rip Torn doesn't have the gumption to celebrate, as the ship still needs a sail. Perhaps to cheer the attendants, Jack responds by recruiting his family to be the crew, even though none of them know anything about sailing. Way to go, Jack!
The day of the regatta, the Scottish guy finally brings a sail and there is much rejoicing. Later, Pirate Rip Torn's boat, with Jack at the helm, joins in to the race as the popular, though unlikely, contender. The race finally starts and Sandy, much to Jack's chagrin, would rather take pictures than work, which leads to Jack nearly losing control of the boat when she tells him to mug for the camera. Good job there, Sandy; now you know why Pirate Rip Torn won your husband's affections.
Deep into the race, Pirate Rip Torn nearly gives up as they fall behind the other boats, probably because they're sailing a restaurant. Amazingly, however, this becomes an IMPORTANT PLOT POINT as Pirate Rip Torn's cook forgot to take the food off the boat, so the crew throws the food overboard and the ship gains speed. The ship actually catches up to its rivals, but it loses wind and falls behind Al. Jack, finally proving that he's worth something for the first time in the film, uses his aviation knowledge to catch another breeze, propelling his craft toward the lead. While Al freaks out at the prospect of finally losing and the HOT CHICK shows one of the race judges her rack, Jack finally takes the lead and wins the race by using his pants as a sail. It's a good thing he wasn't skinnier, then.
And then that's it. Wait. No denouement? No nothing? Just credits? Oh, and production photos too. Yay?
Vacation's over, John Candy. Back to work!
I have to believe that the only reason for the existence of Jack's family in Summer Rental is to pad out the running time and perhaps also so that the relationship between Jack and Pirate Rip Torn doesn't seem so suspicious. Though this is ostensibly a family comedy, Jack's family is largely nowhere to be found. His wife, Sandy, is only on hand to hit on Jack and his daughter, Jennifer, provides only a modicum of drama by being a slightly rebellious teenager. Laurie is just window dressing and Bobby is barely in the movie whoa! The film, predominately, is merely a tale of a man and his mentor, who also happens to think he's a pirate. Though Summer Rental is predictable and clichéd as most '80s comedies are, John Candy saves it by becoming his usual, affable self over the course of the movie . . . even though his character is terribly annoying early on. But, because this is a family comedy that is short on family and even a little lacking in the comedy department, I have to say that it's yet another of Carl Reiner's Misunderstood Masterpieces.
Join me next week as I head off to the woods with John Candy and a Misunderstood Masterpieces legend. See you then!
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