Misunderstood Masterpieces 07.07.09: The Great Outdoors

Posted by Will Helm on 07.07.2009

...or, Saturday Night Live and SCTV Finally Declare Peace, and This Is the Result

Over the past two weeks, the stars of SCTV have enjoyed a life of leisure in cinema, with little opposition from their American rivals, the cast of Saturday Night Live, except for a minor appearance from Brian Doyle-Murray. Though the stars of both shows often worked together in film – largely thanks to their shared backgrounds at the Chicago and Toronto branches of the Second City theater troupe, they have yet to have any of their stars go on vacation together. They've fought Czechs – Bill Murray and Harold Ramis (and John Candy in a bit part) in Stripes – and ghosts – Murray, Ramis, and Misunderstood Masterpieces legend Dan Aykroyd in GhostBusters, but recreation never seemed to be in the cards.

All that changed in 1988, however, as Misunderstood Masterpieces Hall of Fame performer Aykroyd joined forces with SCTV's most-valuable-player, John Candy, for a hilarious romp into the great outdoors titled The Great Outdoors. Unlike many of the films featured in these columns, the combined power of Aykroyd and Candy actually lead to a profit for The Great Outdoors, is it nearly doubled its $24 million budget in gross receipts. The remarkable thing about the film's box-office success is that it was met with middling to worse reviews, which can often be a deal-breaker for the movie-going public. Evidently, the average citizen saw something in The Great Outdoors that the critics didn't; perhaps it wasn't just a collaboration between a star of Saturday Night Live and SCTV but, instead, a Misunderstood Masterpiece? Let's find out!

Saturday Night Live
and SCTV unite!

Deep in the woods – hopefully not of West Virginia, dutiful father Chet Ripley (Candy) drives with his family in tow – wife Connie (Stephanie Faracy) and sons Buck (Chris Young) and Ben (Ian Giatti) -- and, somehow, they're able to sing "Yakety Yak" for the whole trip. Either that's one monotonous radio station – WYAK, I've heard – or there's some judicious edition and artistic license going on. Once at a spacious forest resort, Chet wedges his Family Truckster between some trees, which doesn't impress his sons much, nor does the surroundings.

Meanwhile, on the road to the resort, a mysterious Mercedes Benz hauls over the pavement. I wonder what that's about? At the resort, Chet and his family check in but, first, Chet has to ingratiate himself to all the locals by blowing a horn that was hanging on the wall, which angers a misanthropic, horny dog behind the counter. After the resort's owners settle down the dog, they lead Chet and his family to their cabin, which can best be described as quaint.

While Chet and his family settle in, Chet's brother or friend or something – it's never really made clear, honestly (though, upon further research, it turns out that he's Chet's brother-in-law) – Roman Craig (Aykroyd) and his family – wife Kate (Annette Bening) and creepy twin daughters Cara and Mara (Hilary and Rebecca Gordon) – pull up in the mysterious Mercedes because Roman has it in his mind to surprise his "brother" with a joint vacation . . . whether his Chet likes it or not. Inside the cabin, Chet and Connie complain about the condition of the cabin, particularly the dead fish in the shower. Somehow dead sea life and shoddy cabins make Chet randy, so he puts the moves on Connie in the kitchen. Unfortunately for them, Roman is waiting at the door . . . with a GIANT '80s-style camcorder at the ready. Ah, just what the world never needed: a John Candy sex tape. Roman films the perverted role-playing surreptitiously for a few moments before revealing himself, spoiling the fun. Chet, unsurprisingly, isn't quite happy about this and he takes it out on Roman's GIANT '80s-style camcorder.

So, what's your review
of The Great Outdoors,
John Candy?

Later in the day, Chet and Roman evidently reconcile as they bond on the porch. Roman, either out of curiosity or something more, asks Chet why he's vacationing there rather than somewhere more posh; Chet reveals that it all has to do with nostalgia. Roman, meanwhile, sees big opportunities in the woods, mainly by developing them for commercial usage. Oh, I see what's going on: It's like Chet is Wordsworth and Roman is the encroaching Industrial Revolution. Or not. For some reason, this turn in the conversation makes the scene uncomfortable, as, it seems, Chet merely appreciates the pastoral surroundings much more than Roman and isn't afraid to admit it.

Sometime later, Chet's sons find the creepy twins just standing around on the banks of the river, which freaks them out. Back at the cabin, Roman grills lobster tails and boisterously brags about his life of high finance. He then trumps this display of douchebaggery by mocking Chet's taste in food, as Chet would have rather had frankfurters. Over dinner, Roman then proposes that the families' rent a jet-boat the next day for a little fun with watersports – not the golden shower type, perverts; sadly, he doesn't say anything about Knight-Boat, the crime-solving boat.

After dinner, Chet gathers both families in the living room so that he can tell them a story . . . a story that may very well save their lives. The tale begins on Chet's honeymoon and, judging by him and Connie getting frisky earlier, I have a feeling this little story is going to involve the words "prophylactics" and "reverse cowgirl." Remarkably, Chet doesn't regale his family with tales of sexual conquest – and perhaps Buck's conception – but, instead, he starts talking about a bear rummaging through his trash one night at the cabin. Which might be a euphemism, but I can't be sure. Anyway, somehow the mention of a bear freaks out the kids for no particular reason – certainly not as much as listening to about how Chet and Connie ran through the entire Kama Sutra on their honeymoon – but Chet continues, mainly because this isn't any ordinary bear . . . but a serial-killer bear! Chet, terrified of the bear, grabbed a shotgun that just happened to be on hand and shot it in the head. No worries, PETA; the bear is just bald now. But, somehow, this revelation makes everyone angry and they all head to bed, enraged by Chet's storytelling.

Here, Dan Aykroyd
models the famous
"Canadian Elvis" style.

That night, Chet tries to soothe Ben by lying and saying the whole story was a hoax. Roman attempts to do the same thing with his creepy twins, but somehow his variation involved reciting the plot to The Hills Have Eyes, which doesn't help much. While the families try and sleep overnight, some helpfully subtitled raccoons raid Chet's trash and complain about it as well. The next morning, Chet is left to clean up the raccoons' leftovers while Roman calls his boss and chats with a showering Kate, which isn't half as exciting as it sounds. Roman then complains about his creepy twins and the lack of power in his old-school cell phone. Paul E. Dangerously would be aghast at that last statement; his old-school cell phone was so powerful it could knock men out.

Sometime later, down at the lake, Buck asks his father if he can cruise the town, probably to look for chicks. Chet assents to his son's slight rebellion, but he wants a hug first, perhaps so that all the chicks in town think that Buck is now a homosexual boy-toy. While Buck runs off, slightly grossed out by his father's behavior, Chet, at Roman's behest, rents a jet-boat . . . and proceeds to immediately run it aground. Perhaps this proves Chet to be less than an able seaman – much to Pirate Rip Torn's chagrin, as Roman then takes the helm, leaving Chet behind to teach Ben how to waterski. Somehow, through goofy miscommunication that always seems to happen in comedies and not in real life, Roman starts up the jet-boat and drags Chet along behind, under the guise of "waterskiing." While Chet clumsily rides the surface of the water, he nearly beheads some sunbathers with his tow rope. Eventually, as Roman speeds over the lake, Chet ends up on one ski, which impresses the tourists thoroughly when he finally comes to a stop, so much so that they give him an ovation while he passes out.

I've heard she likes
to call this look
"Pixie MILF."

Back at the cabin, Chet freaks out and reveals to Connie that he wants to leave because Roman is driving him crazy . . . or trying to kill him. Connie, to her credit . . . or because she's in on the plot because Chet's got a pretty sweet life-insurance policy, tells Chet to grow up and stay put, while tickling him. Is it just me, or does the tickling sort of defeat the purpose of telling Chet to grow up? Chet, perhaps realizing this – or that there's a scheme against him, tries to strangle Connie . . . in jest. Or is it REVENGE?

That evening, the creepy twins get in trouble with the resort's owner because they were sneaking around an old mine that just happens to be on site in which kids and teenagers cause trouble. Later, Chet takes the families to a bar for some old guy's birthday, even though they don't know him. Sadly, the families get there a little late, as the old guy's dead; at least he still finds the time to party, though. That's one cool dead old guy. Elsewhere, Buck, in a pool hall, molests a HOT CHICK hustler (Lucy Deakins) with his cue. She freaks out at him but it's all good because she's a HOT CHICK.

Meanwhile, at the local dump, Chet pulls up with Ben and the creepy twins because they're there to watch bears rummage through trash. Chet, seeking to get a private show, throws a Zagnut bar – the official candy bar of hilarity – onto the hood of his Family Truckster like a dollar on the stage of a gentlemen's club. Pacman Jones would be proud . . . until the bear grabs the Zagnut and decides to camp out on the hood of the Family Truckster. The bear, perhaps thankful, fondles the windshield of the Family Truckster while another bear decides that the roof looks comfortable. Chet, perhaps worried that Connie might think he's cheating on her with some strippers . . . I mean "bears," drives from the scene; unfortunately for him, the bears come along, which I'm sure Connie won't appreciate.

Thankfully, it's not
this variety of bald bear
in the movie.

In town, Buck tracks down the HOT CHICK hustler and tries to apologize for grazing her nether-regions with the thick end of his pool cue; that sounds like something the bears would be a little more into. And by bears, I mean "strippers." The HOT CHICK hustler isn't terribly receptive to Buck's apology because she's an angry townie and she hates big-city tourists like Buck, whether they deserve hate or not. But it's probably because they usually just tap it and leave after a week or two, leaving her crawling with big-city social diseases. After all, she wears short cut-off jean shorts and hangs out in a pool hall . . . what am I supposed to assume?

Overnight, Buck and Chet take a rowboat out onto the lake and, once there, they have a little chat and Chet gives Buck his ring of power, or something like that. It's all very sentimental, so it must be important, even though it isn't really mentioned ever again in the film. Meanwhile, the subtitled raccoons make a return, this time to mock Chet's futile attempt to thwart them with rocks. The next day, Buck searches the town for the HOT CHICK hustler and he finds her working the local drive-in; to her credit, she apologizes him because she's nice like that . . . or Buck doesn't seem as venereally addled as her usual suitors. Buck, sensing an opportunity to get some crazy diseases – hopefully it's worth it, makes a date with the HOT CHICK hustler for later in the evening.

That afternoon, Chet and the family ride go-karts while Roman wastes time at a driving range. Somehow this leads to Roman hitting Chet in the face with a golf ball in a very preposterous turn of events that goes nowhere. Chet, who evidently hasn't learned not to ride anything around Roman, goes horseback riding with the family but, unfortunately for him, his horse decides to try and eat him. Chet chastises the horse, which then elects to turn into a stubborn mule of a horse . . . which is really kind of confusing. Or it's a lycanthropic horse that can transform into a mule. That sounds like something found in old-school Dungeons & Dragons. Anyway, Chet, now resorting to threats of violence as this vacation is taking him to the breaking point, chases the horse with a tree branch in hand and then he later limps back to the barn alone and ruins everyone's day by asking for a nap.

That night, Buck and the HOT CHICK hustler meet up at the local amusement park and she reveals that her idea of a date is making Buck follow her around. Meanwhile, at a local bar, Chet and Roman argue about fishing and then the local loony interrupts just to reveal that he's the town's human lightning rod. Thanks for bringing absolutely nothing to the party, local loony. Meanwhile, elsewhere in the bar, Kate chats with her sister Connie and laments the vagaries of being wealthy. Of course, she does take the time to brag that having sex with her washing machine takes her mind off her troubles. I can't figure out if that's kind of hot or a huge TMI. On the lake, Buck and the HOT CHICK hustler bond for a bit and then they make out. Congratulations, Buck; now you can join the club too!

Overnight, Kate awakens from an apparently shallow slumber with a start because something "touched" her. Maybe it was her washing machine; it does have needs, Kate, and they can't be ignored for long. Actually, the enigmatic fondler is a bat, which drives the families from the cabin in a panic. Once everyone is safely outside, Chet and Roman argue as to their next plan of action and, after a few minutes, they team up to catch the bat while both dressed as variations on the Zodiac Killer. Over the course of trying to capture the bat, Chet and Roman wreck the darkened cabin and then Roman hits Chet in the face, either because that's where the bat is or it's another step in the plan to kill Chet. Chet, miraculously, survives the assault, but the bat does not, as Roman puts it out of its misery.

OK, I'm sorry I called
you a "Pixie MILF,"
Ms. Bening.

The next day, Buck and the HOT CHICK hustler plan another date and then make out a bit while she's at work. Remarkably, none of the other customers ask her if that's on the menu or if it's the daily special. That evening, the families go to a local steakhouse and, once there, Chet, under Roman's urging, orders a giant steak. Once the steak comes to the table, all the patrons gather around because there's nothing more entertaining than watching a portly comic eat a six-pound slab of beef. Under the watchful eye of the restaurant's burly chef, Chet slowly devours the bulk of the steak, which, sadly, causes Buck to unintentionally stand up the HOT CHICK hustler. The remarkable thing about this scene is that it's totally impossible now; nowadays Buck would merely pull out his iPhone and text the HOT CHICK hustler, letting her know that he's going to be late because his uncle is making his dad overeat. Or trying to kill his dad; it's not clear if Buck is complicit in the scheme or merely an innocent bystander. After Roman haggles with the burly, surly chef about some fat and grizzle on the plate, Chet braves the meat-sweats and finishes everything, winning him the love of the townspeople, at least until the next poor sap comes along and does the same thing.

After dinner, Buck finds that the HOT CHICK hustler is nowhere to be found; meanwhile, raccoons break into the cabin and strew trash around. The sight of this trash makes Chet vomit his six pounds of steak later in the evening, which remarkably doesn't invalidate his victory earlier. The next morning, Chet, Roman, Buck, and Ben go fishing with leeches; somehow, they end up falling asleep and wake to find themselves covered in leeches! Either that, or whatever disease the HOT CHICK hustler gave Buck spreads by human contact. Later that day, Buck tries to call the HOT CHICK hustler at work, but she's too busy to talk. Back at the cabin, Chet and Roman argue over how to start a fire and Chet finally snaps and tells Roman that he never wanted him there. Kate, just like a petulant younger sister would, eggs on the bickering in-laws until everyone else joins in.

Roman, knowing he's not wanted, finally elects to leave with his family and dignity intact; beforehand, though, he reveals that he has a business proposal for Chet . . . which is somehow related to some REVENGE for something Chet said in the bathroom at Roman and Kate's wedding. So that's why everyone's trying to kill him! Chet, feeling guilty for saying something nasty in confidence years before that normal people probably would've forgotten about and moved on, agrees to be a part of Roman's mysterious opportunity, which he probably heard about by staying up way too late one night and Erik Estrada just can't be ignored. He's PONCH and his powers are limitless! Roman, with Chet's money in tow, heads off on the road for home but, along the way, Kate accidentally and unwittingly guilt trips Roman into turning back for reasons unexplained.

A HOT CHICK ninja
has nothing to do
with the movie; I just
felt like including this.

While Buck tracks down the HOT CHICK hustler, Roman, back at the cabin, tears up Chet's check and reveals that he and Kate are broke due to some unwise business deals. Interestingly, this is even long before the term "subprime mortgage" ever came to be. Chet, to his credit, forgives Roman for nearly embezzling everything Chet and his family had and then the lights go out and everyone panics. Oh, here comes the part where someone ends up dead. Which becomes particularly true when the creepy twins turn up missing . . . although they're only searching for the abandoned mine, in a torrential downpour. Of course, because this movie takes place just after Jessica McClure tumbled down a well, the same thing happens to the creepy twins to cash in on that real-life occurrence. Except this time it's a mine, so no one can say that writer John Hughes – yes, THAT John Hughes – was exploiting a national tragedy.

After some cursory searching, Chet and Roman find the twins deep in the well – I mean "mine," and Chet sends Roman down after them . . . and then Chet runs off! VENGEANCE is his! Or not, as Roman climbs from the mine with his creepy twins on his back and returns to the cabin triumphant. Chet, meanwhile, returns to the mine with some rope, which he throws down, awakening a BALD BEAR! Chet, unknowingly, pulls the BALD BEAR out from the mine and, once he realizes what he's done, he flees the scene in panic. The BALD BEAR, looking for a measure of REVENGE against his assailant, ambles after Chet and back to the cabin, where Chet flips out until the BALD BEAR breaks in. As the BALD BEAR tries to crush Chet under the front door and Roman attempts to fend it off with a fireplace poker, the resort's owner shows up with a lamp, which also happens to be a shotgun. Chet, recovered from the BALD BEAR's attack, grabs the lamp and shoots the BALD BEAR in the rump with it, shaving the hair off that end too. The BALD BEAR, too embarrassed to continue its rampage, runs off into the woods. The next morning, Chet and Roman head home, while Buck reconciles with the HOT CHICK hustler, probably because she's carrying his baby . . . or he managed to warm the heart of an angry townie and won her love as a result. As a hilarious denouement, Connie reveals that Roman and his family are moving in with the Ripleys, much to Chet's chagrin as he races his brother-in-law home.

Dan Aykroyd is almost always great and is so here. John Candy is also almost always great, and he is so here as well. Unfortunately, The Great Outdoors isn't so great, as Aykroyd and Candy prove to be the brightest spots of the film. Though Aykroyd's Roman Craig is one of the most annoying characters ever put on screen, Aykroyd makes him work well as a counterpoint to Candy's straight-laced Chet Ripley. Unfortunately, most of the film seems to be centered on Chet and Roman bickering in various settings and/or Roman getting Chet caught up in wacky situations, rather than a film that flows from one scene to the next. This is just like a collection of vignettes where the characters are dropped in as an afterthought. There's forced hilarity with boats, horses, go-karts, and even a giant steak. Most of the other characters, except for perhaps Buck, are just window dressing or, in the case of the creepy twins, a plot device for later in the film. Just to illustrate that point, over the course of the film, the creepy twins become less and less creepy, as they eventually just become normal kids, as if the script forgot about that character quirk over time. Of course, while Candy and Aykroyd are the principal performers in the film and succeed at what they needed to do to make the movie work, unfortunately for them, the surrounding cinematic wilderness of The Great Outdoors makes it a Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week as I study what happens when Charles Atlas and Mephistopheles collide. See you then!
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