The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 07.06.09: Issue #67
Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 07.06.2009
It's Randy Quaid in "Black Cadillac" (2003).
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #67: "Black Cadillac" (2003)
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never inadvertently shot itself in the foot while in the midst of a drunken haze, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number sixty-seven, I take a look at the 2003 low budget scary car movie "Black Cadillac," directed by the great John Murlowski and starring the even greater Randy Quaid.
Black Cadillac
"Black Cadillac" tells the story of three young men out for a night of fun in the rural backwoods of Wisconsin. There's the super confident uber jock heading for a promising Yale football career Scott (Shane Johnson), his young, high school aged brother Robby (Jason Dohring), and the scar faced Pez eating hip and edgy douchebag C.J. Longhammer (Josh Hammond). While in the midst of having a bunch of good, clean fun (Scott is having sex in his car with some woman, Robby is getting blown in the stockroom by a blonde chick specifically looking for a high school kid to blow, and C.J. is itching for a fight because he's just that kind of a guy), C.J. instigates a massive bar brawl that forces the guys to leave the bar in a hurry.
So Scott, Robby, and C.J. hop into Scott's red Saab and drive off into the woods (that's where the road is in this particular backwoods town). After gabbing amongst themselves about their upcoming future endeavors, they come upon a broken down police car and that car's driver, Charlie (Quaid). The guys give Charlie a ride (they don't really want to, since Charlie's a cop and they have beer bottles rolling around on the floor and an underage kid in the backseat, but they decide they don't have much of a choice. Charlie is a cop, after all). After some more yapping, a mysterious black Cadillac appears right behind them.
The driver of the Cadillac, who we never see except in silhouette, is aggressive, driving on the Saab's bumper, pulling up alongside and revving the engine. Charlie suggests that the Cadillac wants to drag race and that, since he's "off duty," he doesn't really care if Scott actually engages in a drag race with the Cadillac. So that's what Scott does. The race is brutal, with the Cadillac smashing into the Saab, causing Scott to drive off into a ditch.
Getting out of the ditch is a huge pain and a huge endeavor. It's also at this time that Scott figures that the Cadillac, which is still following them, isn't after him and his friends and is instead after Charlie. Scott doesn't want Charlie coming along anymore. While driving away, leaving Charlie behind, the Cadillac appears once again. The Cadillac pulls up to Charlie.
And then the movie kicks into high gear. Scott, C.J., and Robby watch Charlie get shot, and then for the rest of the movie it's one big chase through the dark and scary backwoods of Wisconsin. Scott tries to outrun and outmaneuver the Cadillac all the while keeping his friends together as the pressure to survive and see the future becomes overwhelming. Will the guys get out of the woods alive, or will the pursuing black Cadillac push them off the road? And will they ever find out what the hell "Your sin will find you" means (someone puts those words on the Saab's windshield).
Murlowski, director of the Olivier Gruner classic "Automatic," does a great job balancing the "quiet" moments, where we learn about the main characters, and the car action stuff. The chases through the woods are some of the best car chase sequences I've ever seen (there's also some great stuff done on a frozen lake that are amazing). And the car crashes just have to be seen to be believed. Now, the "based on a true" story aspect of the story comes from Murlowski, who claims that he and his friends were once followed through the woods by a mysterious car. I assume he talks about the incident at length on the DVD commentary, which I didn't get a chance to listen to unfortunately. But if you're wondering where the "true story" thing comes from, that's it.
Randy Quaid is superb as Charlie. As the only "name" actor in the movie he's forced to carry it regardless of how long he's actually in it. He's funny, he's charismatic, and he's also kind of creepy because you're not sure where he's coming from at the beginning. And even when you do find out where he seems to be coming from you're still not sure you can trust him. A great performance from an actor we just don't see enough of.
The rest of the cast is decent. Shane Johnson is perfect as Scott. Johnson makes Scott the ultimate alpha male and, as a result, pseudo bully prick douchebag that the other guys in the group end up following because, well, that's just what you're supposed to do. Even in the face of certain doom, Scott is super confident that he'll figure out a way for everyone to get out of it. Josh Hammond is great as the hip and edgy douchebag C.J. Longhammer. Looking like a cross between Eli Roth and Kevin Corrigan, C.J. can't stop making smart ass remarks and getting under the skin of both Scott and Robby. The constantly eating Pez thing is a funny little quirk as are the different stories he keeps telling on how he got the big scar on his face. Great job Hammond. And Jason Dohring manages to strike the right balance between annoying and useful as Scott's little brother Robby. His best scene is at the beginning when he meets the woman of his dreams in the back room of the bar.
The only issue I really have with the movie involve the ending. I like the ending and the way the movie plays itself out, I just don't know if the big revelation at the end is "earned." I also would have liked to know more about the mysterious black Cadillac, like how the heck the car could have survived all of the wrecks and damage it sustains (I'd like to know how the Saab could have survived the punishment it receives, too). Why didn't anyone ever sustain a flat tire, especially driving at great speed through the woods? And what about the gas situation? Why isn't anyone filling up, especially the big Cadillac?
All in all, "Black Cadillac" is a great B-movie watching experience. Great direction, a great idea, and a great setting all add up to a worthwhile ninety-minute block of entertainment. Murlowski is a director that deserves more respect and more recognition. If "Automatic" didn't give it to him, "Black Cadillac" most definitely should.
See "Black Cadillac." See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here? A backwoods country road out in the middle of nowhere, some pretty dang cool music, gratuitous hick bar chock full of people yelling "Chug! Chug! Chug!," a hot blonde chick, gratuitous douchebag guy with a scar on his face, a story about setting a dog free, gratuitous "Kids in the Hall" head crushing parody, gratuitous Pez eating, a massive bar fight, gratuitous big ass black Cadillac, gratuitous red Saab, gratuitous idiots driving a red Saab across a frozen lake, cracked ice, multiple instances of a homophobia, gratuitous Randy Quaid, gratuitous Randy Quaid as a creepy cop, gratuitous generic Budweiser beer bottles, gratuitous Randy Quaid stomach scar, gratuitous impromptu drag race, snow plow hooey, a bad night at a restaurant, car crashing, gratuitous hilarious Randy Quaid cut away reaction shots, gratuitous driving a red Saab backwards like an idiot on an ice lake, bullet to the chest, a fallen tree, a fluorescent tube, a long philosophical conversation, a dead, frozen cow, using a dead cow as a roadblock, packing an overheating car radiator with snow, a massive fist fight, gas station destruction, bloody snow, another hot chick, another massive fist fight, one of the greatest car crashes ever committed to film, one of the most disgusting leg wounds in movie history, and a good ending that may or may not have been earned but it doesn't really matter because it's a great movie.
Best lines: "Hey, zipper face," "I hope you two will behave and not be slobbering zit factories," "It's big, that car," "Don't get all gay, okay?," "My virginity haunts me," "So, you guys from Minnesota? Well, welcome to Wisconsin," "If you can't get lucky at the road house you might as well snip it off and mail it in," "What is that, Pez?," "These guys friends of yours?," "Holy shit they're killing my Saab!," "Look at what those crackers did to my car!," "Jealousy. It's a killer," "These fucking guys!," "Dude, they're leading us deeper into nowhere!," "I really don't want to die here," "Nobody wants to be who they are, man," "C.J., you're really starting to get on my fucking nerves," "It's a cowcicle," "Just like Pavlov's puppy," "Game over sonsabitches!," "I told you, Robby, I'm going to get you home," "I'm sick of pulling over," "Fuck you, Scott! Really, fuck you!," "So who are you now, the conversation czar?," "Didn't I tell you a night like this could turn your head around?," "Jesus, son, what the fuck did I ever do to you?," "Get back in the fucking car!," "No one is anyone for ever, man," and "Hello, Minnesota, goodnight Wisconsin!"
Rating: 9.0/10.0
***
Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And if there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.
"Black Cadillac"
Randy Quaid- Charlie Shane Johnson- Scott Josh Hammond- C.J. Longhammer Jason Dohring- Robby Kiersten Warren- Jeannine Robert Clunis- Luther
Directed by John Murlowski Screenplay by Will Aldis, based on a story by John Murlowski
Distributed by First Look International
Rated R for violence, language, and some sexuality Runtime- 93 minutes
Buy it here
