Misunderstood Masterpieces 8.04.09: Domino
Posted by Will Helm on 08.04.2009
...or, I'll Try to Keep the Van Morrison References to a Minimum
Though only legal in the Philippines and the United States, bounty hunting holds a romance to which few lines of work can hold a candle. From Boba Fett to Duane "Dog" Chapman, bounty hunters exist in a dangerous and exciting world tailor-made for storytelling.
Of course, if gender is added to the equation, then what is an already interesting archetype becomes all the more intriguing. Such is the case of the most famous female bounty hunter, Domino Harvey. As the daughter of an Academy Award-nominated actor and a '60s fashion model, Ms. Harvey seemed a highly unlikely individual to become a bounty hunter. After giving up a life of luxury and a career in modeling . . . maybe – Wikipedia states that "Though there is speculation as to whether or not she really was a model, there are in fact photographs which show her involved in what would appear to be modeling-related work," which I would think means she was a model – Ms. Harvey became a famous bounty hunter and her story appeared perfect for film.
Unfortunately for Ms. Harvey, in 2005, that's just what happened. Directed by Ridley Scott's inexplicably more successful younger brother Tony and written – strangely enough – by Donnie Darko scribe Richard Kelly, Domino hit theaters with a dull thud, only earning back $10 million of its $50 million budget. This result is remarkable, considering the film starred one of Hollywood's young darlings in the role of Ms. Harvey: star of the Pirates of the Caribbean franchise, Keira Knightley. Though Ms. Knightley should have been enough to make Domino into a success, there may have been something more going on with the film. In fact, perhaps Domino, like other failed films of the past, isn't just a flop, but a Misunderstood Masterpiece. Let's find out!
The subject of the film . . . sort of.
It's never a good sign when the film states that not only is it "based" on a true story, but it's only based "sort of." I think that means that Domino is a piece of fiction masquerading as an actual biography. The first sign that I'm right occurs when Lucy Liu shows up for no particular reason to interrogate the titular Domino Harvey (Knightley). Much to her surprise, Lucy Liu believes the hardened Ms. Harvey to be a hard nut to crack, but Domino proves herself to be agreeable to the questioning, mainly because she doesn't want to spend any time in jail. That's a wise decision.
Apparently, Lucy Liu's appearance in the film has to do with some hairy guy (Lew Temple) who stole an armored car and parked it at the Hoover Dam. Meanwhile, Domino was to recover some stolen items for a client and she even brought Mickey Rourke along for the job, as well as her very hirsute sort-of boyfriend (Edgar Ramirez). Somehow, this whole rigmarole leads to Domino and her crew having a standoff with some white trash woman (Dale Dickey) in the woman's trailer. After Mickey Rourke makes a pit bull drop out of the trailer's floor – after the usual convoluted series of events, Domino throws the white trash woman a severed arm, presumably belonging to the hairy guy who stole the armored car . . . who also happens to be the white trash woman's son.
While the white trash woman freaks out after seeing her progeny's arm lying on the floor, Domino's sort-of boyfriend retreats to their bus, where he argues with their inexplicably Afghani driver (Riz Abbasi). After the unintelligible argument concludes, the sort-of boyfriend grabs the hairy guy from the back of the trailer, which causes the white trash woman to freak out again . . . because it's time for the opening credits!
I have to wonder what Keira Knightley has on her mind.
After the credits – and the standoff, the white trash woman busies herself trying to open a safe with a complicated decoding wheel, like it's some sort of early-'90s PC game. Evidently the sight of her literally disarmed son make her listen to reason, even though now she also has to listen to Mickey Rourke yelling at her from on the toilet. Meanwhile, Domino watches a movie featuring her father – Laurence Harvey – on television, which causes her to have a flashback . . . to the Los Angeles Department of Motor Vehicles? For some reason, some college guy (Kel O'Neill) is there on his cell phone, which is probably important for some totally unexplained reason. After the very significant call ends, the college guy asks bored receptionist Mo'Nique to make him some fake IDs. Though she's a bit apprehensive, he then tries to intimidate her and, remarkably, it works. What happened to all her sassy street cred?
Back in the present, Lucy Liu asks Domino about some missing money, mainly because she's doesn't believe Domino. She does contend that she wants to "help" Domino, however, which is nice. Rather than take Lucy Liu's advice, Domino starts prattling on about her father's words of wisdom and then she has another flashback to hanging out with him at the beach until he dies. I don't think the two were related, but I could be wrong. After her father's death, Domino's mom (Jacqueline Bisset) becomes a gold-digging cougar, because that's always the best way to grieve. To that end, Domino's mom sends her daughter off to boarding school – probably just so that Domino doesn't have to watch an endless parade of elderly "uncles" visiting the house every few evenings. Once there, Domino's goldfish dies and then she steals a quarter from church, because she's apparently now an evil child.
After growing into puberty, Domino becomes a model – or, according to Wikipedia, does things that could very well be construed as modeling – until her mom moves her out to Beverly Hills, just because she's obsessed with Beverly Hills 90210. And the original version at that. To be honest, I never thought I'd ever have to say "the original version of Beverly Hills 90210." Once in California, Domino becomes a punk with nunchucks until she goes to college and beats up a sorority chick for mocking her chest. Evidently, this sort of behavior is frowned upon in higher academia, as Domino is later expelled and ends up homeless on a couch in the middle of Los Angeles.
Mickey Rourke is the only one who can make this look work.
Somehow, unemployment leads to Domino believing that the only way out of her iniquity is bounty hunting, so she later goes to a seminar run by a legendary Los Angeles bail bondsman, Claremont Williams (Delroy Lindo). Once at the meeting, Domino sasses at the brooding Latino receptionist – who would later become her sort-of boyfriend – before taking a seat in the seminar and distracting Claremont by being a HOT CHICK. In fact, the presence of a HOT CHICK piques the interest of Claremont's very special guest, equally legendary bounty hunter Ed Moseby (Rourke), which I'm sure is an IMPORTANT PLOT POINT.
During a break in the seminar, Ed wanders off to talk with the Latino receptionist and they hatch a scheme which comprises them making off with the seminar's cash without providing any real services! Oh no! Somebody call the Better Business Bureau! Their plan works perfectly . . . until the Latino receptionist gets himself caught in a bathroom window, alerting a very astute Domino to his endeavor. While Ed and the Latino receptionist – who's named Choco, probably because he's supposed to be "hot" -- try to get away in Ed's El Camino, Domino tracks them down and throws a knife into Ed's windshield, which I guess is her way of giving him her résumé. Though skeptical, Ed likes what he hears from Domino and takes her on as a probationary associate.
Though Ed doesn't mind having another employee, Choco does, as he always thought he was Ed's #1. How sweet. Ed, meanwhile, sees Domino as an asset, mainly because of her assets. This fact comes into play on Domino's first job, where a simple capture turns into a Latino gang-banger standoff. Domino, wisely, breaks up the TENSION by performing a lapdance for the gang leader, while all the rest of the guys watch. After the dust settles, Domino and Ed bond over laundry and Ed reveals that he may or may not have been a blues musician in the past – after all, this is "sort of" a true story. Though Ed shares his personal history with Domino, she's too busy watching Choco strip down to his underwear to care. Domino, intrigued about Choco's enchilada, asks Ed about him, and Ed reveals that Choco is nothing but a hunky, loyal ex-juvenile delinquent.
Sometime later, Domino and the gang unwind at a bar where Domino rides a mechanical bull, just because mechanical bulls are like magnets for HOT CHICKS. After a year or so in the business, Domino wins a major award – but not a bowling alley to go with it – from Claremont for being an awesome bounty hunter. Choco, unsurprisingly, is jealous, because now he's really not Ed's #1. The evening after the awards ceremony – which took place in the same room as the seminar earlier, Claremont has a pool party, where Ed and Choco both lust after Domino until Choco is overcome with jealousy, just like a stereotypical Latino would.
Classic HOT CHICK Jacqueline Bisset
Now a successful bounty hunter, Domino visits her mom and explains that she loves her job, even though her mom doesn't approve. Actually, that's probably part of the reason why Domino loves it so much. Back in the "real world," Lucy Liu asks Domino about reality-show producer Christopher Walken; meanwhile, I'm thinking to myself, "Why is Christopher Walken in this?" In the past, Christopher Walken is busy scolding his young assistant (Mena Suvari) because he's unhappy about a font; in addition, he's also interested in making a show about Domino, so he calls her, Ed, and Choco in for a meeting. Unsurprisingly, since she's a Hollywood hanger-on – like the Dina Lohan of her time, Domino's mom tags along. At the meeting, Christopher Walken proposes a reality show to Domino, but Ed isn't happy with that arrangement because he doesn't want to damage the team aesthetic. Evidently he's been bred from an NHL executive. Domino's mom interjects and objects to Ed's attitude . . . and craps all over the movie at the same time by insulting fictionalized "reality."
For no reason whatsoever, the next person to appear onscreen is . . . Jerry Springer? Wait a second; did Netflix accidentally splice in Ringmaster without telling me? Apparently not, as Jerry Springer has Mo'Nique as a guest because she's apparently a 28-year-old grandmother, which involves math that REALLY hurts my head. And also means that someone found Mo'Nique attractive enough to tap it. Anyway, her appearance has nothing to do with her amoral family, but everything to do with eugenics, as she kicks off an ill-fated stand-up routine involving "Blacktinos," and "Chigroes." The audience doesn't approve of her humor, so a brawl breaks out, much to Jerry Springer's chagrin . . . until the ratings reports come in at the end of the month.
On the first day of filming, Christopher Walken introduces Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green – as themselves – to Domino, as they are to be co-stars, thanks to Domino's mom's interference. For no reason, Domino then starts talking about the Afghani's backstory, because that would be the least important revelation at this moment. Later in the day, Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green interview Ed and he gets REALLY serious with them . . . by talking about his colon problems and threatening Brian Austin Green. He's probably just amazed that a guy like Brian Austin Green can bag Megan Fox.
SASSY!
Elsewhere, Claremont lectures Mo'Nique about her behavior on The Jerry Springer Show; she states that she did it for her dying granddaughter because she wants to be a celebrity. Mo'Nique, not the dying granddaughter. With celebrity outside of her reach, Mo'Nique then hatches a scheme of her own, but even that is ruined when her boss at the D.M.V. lectures her for lying about going on Jerry Springer and then fires her for being overly SASSY. Just to add insult to injury, Mo'Nique's boss turns her in to the FBI because he clued them in on her little fake I.D. racket. Mo'Nique, with celebrity slipping farther and farther away from her, turns snitch for the FBI and rats out the college kid.
That afternoon, Mo'Nique drowns her sorrows during a pity party with her friends, but they rebuild her spirit by referencing Billy Ocean. Meanwhile, the cops find the empty armored car and, upon investigating the tapes of the crime, they discover that it was robbed by a team of First Ladies! I'm going to bet Rosalynn Carter is the ringleader; she does need stuff to do while her husband is off trying to fix the world. While the FBI listens in on the investigation, the victim of the crime, casino magnate Dabney Coleman, calls Claremont, who offers to find the money for a fee that just so happens to equal the amount of money to save Mo'Nique's dying granddaughter. Hmm . . . that's suspicious. Meanwhile, Dabney's lawyer calls the Mob, just because there aren't enough plotlines going on in this movie.
Elsewhere, the hairy guy – still with two arms – brings the money to his white trash mom because his accomplices, the First Ladies, skipped out on him while he was busy buying a Slim Jim. While all of this is going on, Domino, Ed, and Choco go to work while Christopher Walken and his crew follow along. Christopher Walken then chortles with glee as Domino and her colleagues capture the First Ladies in hilarious situations . . . but the joke is on the bounty hunters when it turns out that two of the First Ladies – the college guy from earlier and his brother – are also the sons of a local mobster (Stanley Kamel), who just happens to be in league with Dabney's lawyer.
Dabney Coleman, for all your Coleman needs.
Claremont, happy with the way things are proceeding, calls Domino and tells her to bring the First Ladies out to the middle of nowhere. Later, Domino chats with Brian Austin Green and he tries to out her as a fake – kind of like Megan Fox's chest, but she responds by breaking his nose. Oh no! Now Megan Fox won't love him anymore! That afternoon, Domino watches her goldfish and senses something's fishy – and not just in the bowl. Upon this shocking realization, Domino freaks out at the cameraman, much to Christopher Walken's amusement.
Eventually, Ed brings the First Ladies to meet with Dabney and, that evening, the team stays at a dingy motel in the middle of nowhere, where Domino christens her room by flushing a dead goldfish down the toilet in a scene that is probably supposed to be poignant but is just sort of weird. I think that's par for the course for the Richard Kelly oeuvre, though. While Domino mourns the loss of her water-breathing friend, Choco shows up at her door to console her, but Domino turns out to be inconsolable as she flips out at Choco for speaking Spanish all the time.
Choco, put out at Domino's rejection, walks in on Ed watching porn. Choco, perhaps unhappy with the quality of the adult entertainment, smashes the television with a chair, ruining Ed's night. Ed, always keen on making people around him uncomfortable, starts making insinuations about Domino, causing Choco to freak out like a stereotypically "passionate" Latino. Choco and Ed end up in a standoff, which Ed wisely defuses by reasoning with Choco and revealing that he's actually not at all like his legend, just a man with issues.
While Domino and her group are holed up in rural California, some frat guy calls the mobster and reveals that his sons have been kidnapped. The mobster's, not the frat guy's. Meanwhile, the mobster's sons – as well as the other First Ladies – are getting interrogated by some of Dabney's goons and claim that they don't know anything about a robbery . . . mainly because the actual First Ladies were really Mo'Nique and her friends, who are built NOTHING LIKE the fake First Ladies. I guess little details like that don't matter much when Dabney Coleman wants REVENGE! To that end, Dabney has his goons kill the fake First Ladies, just because.
Who invited that guy on the far right?
Later, Claremont calls Domino and provides exposition as well as inferring that there's some seriously bad things going on. Domino, alerted by Claremont's tone, rounds up the rest of the gang and, on the way out, the Afghani blows up Christopher Walken's trailer. At a local strip club, Mo'Nique's friends Shondrella Avery and Macy Gray – yes, the singer – distract the hairy guy, allowing Choco the opportunity to capture him. Meanwhile, Ed finds Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green chilling at the bar and he elects, in a fit of pique, to take them hostage. I guess he was a Melrose Place fan. On the way to Vegas, the next meeting place, Claremont tells Domino to find the combination to the white trash lady's safe on the hairy guy's arm. Unfortunately for the hairy guy, Domino misinterprets Claremont's instructions and has Choco shoot off the hairy guy's arm with a shotgun.
Finally, the story nearly comes full circle as the white trash lady finally opens the safe and gives Domino's crew the stolen money. In addition, she also gives them some coffee as a going away present . . . that happens to be laced with mescaline. On the way to Vegas, everyone starts trippin' ballz until the Afghani crashes the trailer in the middle of the desert. In the "real world," Lucy Liu lectures Domino, so Domino responds by flashing back to the past, where she gets it on with Choco in the desert, since their both perfectly unharmed and trailer accidents evidently work wonders for libidos.
Later, just when things seem bleakest, Reverend Tom Waits drives up to rescue Domino and her associates but, first, he explains damnation to them, just because this movie needed some proselytizing in addition to the interminable plotlines. Meanwhile, the mobster finds out that his sons are dead and he swears REVENGE against Dabney Coleman, which is just the evidence the FBI always wanted . . . even though the mobster's sons aren't really dead at all. Huh?
Remember: Brian Austin Green tapped this.
In Vegas, Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green wander around a casino while Claremont watches from the wings. With all the players in place, Claremont calls Dabney to set up a meeting with Domino; meanwhile, the FBI calls the mobster, informing him as to where Dabney's meeting is going to be. Then, just because there wasn't enough red hot cell-phone action, Claremont calls Domino and fills her in on the situation . . . or sets her up. That's sort of the problem with Claremont's character: he ping-pongs between slightly sleazy to totally evil and back again that he's just sort of a wishy-washy almost villain, even though he's probably a good guy after all.
Before the meeting, Mo'Nique and her friends visit Domino and reveal to Domino and Ed what's really going on, specifically that they actually were the First Ladies and not the poor saps that Dabney's goons buried alive out in the desert. Domino, so moved by Mo'Nique's sassy honesty, pays off the reason for all the suffering in the entire film, mainly because Reverend Tom Waits said so. Once again in the "real world," Domino and Lucy Liu bond a bit over tattoos until Domino insinuates that Lucy Liu might be a lesbian or, at the very least, bisexual.
In the past, Domino and her crew head over to the dropoff, where Dabney lets Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green go before formally starting the meeting. Oh, Megan Fox is going to be so happy! While Ian Ziering and Brian Austin Green freak out in the elevator, Dabney quizzes Domino about just what's going on with his money. Meanwhile, the Mob and the FBI arrive on the scene and then the Afghani reveals that he double-crossed everyone by replacing the money with C4. Before things explode literally, the situation explodes figuratively as the Mob busts into the room and starts shooting up the place, killing the Afghani in the process.
As bullets fly everywhere, a helicopter crashes on the streets of Vegas and then Ed and Choco get killed as well, causing Domino to go berserk. While Domino drags Ed and Choco's bleeding carcasses into the express elevator, the Afghani comes back to life just long enough to blow up the top floor of the hotel, just as Domino and her colleagues get to the bottom floor safely, even though two of them are riddled with bullets and, more than likely, dead. Domino, remarkably, survives with few injuries – merely a couple glamorous scratches – and, once more in the "real world," Lucy Liu lets her go. I guess Domino's story checks out, which is impressive since she's the only survivor so she's the only one with a story. Domino, evidently, gives up the life of a bounty hunter so she can hang out with her mom; I guess watching colleagues die causes one to grow up.
Sadly, the real Domino Harvey passed away from an accidental overdose before the film was released. Then again, I shudder to think just what she would have thought of the mess that Scott and Kelly made of her life. Though it tries, through style and plot, to be edgy, Domino simply gilds the lily that is Domino Harvey's rather unorthodox life. The film is bloated beyond any sense, with far too unnecessary plotlines and characters – I'm looking in your direction, Christopher Walken, Ian Ziering, and Brian Austin Green. As well, the movie tries so hard to seem like the combination of a biopic and an exploitation flick but does neither well. Though fictionalized "biopics" are a popular genre – and all biopics have an element of fabrication, Domino brought too much to a story that didn't need it and the end result ends up a very disappointing Misunderstood Masterpiece.
Join me next week as pixelated bosoms come to life and kick some butt. See you then!
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