The 411 Movies Top 5 08.07.09: Week 177 - Top 5 Bad Ass Movie Military Units

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 08.07.2009

The 411 crew takes a look at some of the most hardcore groups in action movie history.



Michael Bay's trademark military fetishism in Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen. The real heroics of the soldiers in The Hurt Locker. The accelerator-suit enhanced anarchy of G.I. JOE: The Rise of Cobra. And, of course, the upcoming history-altering mayhem of Tarantino's Inglourious Basterds. One thing is for sure - it's a great time for fans of bad-ass military action.

Which means it's also a great time for us here at 411 to offer our take on:

THE TOP 5 MOST BAD-ASS MOVIE MILITARY UNITS

TREVOR SNYDER

5. THE SOLDIERS – THREE KINGS

It's a good thing I still have the poster for this movie hanging up, or I might have forgotten all about it when working on this list. Now, I realize this one might seem like a strange choice to some, but think about it – in the early stages of this '91 Gulf War movie, George Clooney, Mark Walhberg, Ice Cube, and Spike Jonze want nothing more than to secretly steal a load of Saddam Hussein's gold. But, by the end of the movie, they are willing to give up both the gold and their own freedom in exchange for helping a band of Iraqi rebels get out of the country. Call me sentimental, but sometimes, there's nothing more bad-ass than just doing the right thing.

4. DUTCH'S TEAM – PREDATOR

OK, you start off with Arnold Schwarzenegger, so already your bad-ass quotient is pretty high. Now you throw in Jesse Ventura, Carl Weathers, Bill Duke, and Sonny Landham (as Billy, one of the coolest Native American's ever to grace the screen). Still not convinced? Well, this team even includes Lethal Weapon creator Shane Black, one of the best action screenwriters ever! Yeah, maybe they don't fare all that well against the Predator, but they sure seemed to be kicking all kinds of ass in the jungles of Guatemala up until that point.

3. THE 54TH MASSACHUSETTS VOLUNTEER INFANTRY – GLORY

The first black regiment in the American armed forces, memorably played by such great actors as Morgan Freeman, Denzel Washington (in an Academy Award winning performance), and Andre Braugher in this excellent Civil War film. As depicted in the movie, the generals in charge originally had no serious intention of using them in actual combat, but these guys couldn't wait for their turn to get in there and fight the South. I'm glad there is such a brilliant movie around to pay tribute to their legacy.

2. THE COLONIAL MARINES – ALIENS

Sure, Dutch's team had to take down one nasty alien, but these guys had to battle a planet full of them! It would have been easy to just have this be a collection of no-personality cannon-fodder characters, but James Cameron was wise enough to imbue each member with their own unique traits, making them one of the most memorable units in action movie history. And, yeah, all but one of them ended up slaughtered in the end, but they all went down fighting. That's the kind of group you want on your side if you ever end up in a bug hunt.

1. THE DIRTY DOZEN – THE DIRTY DOZEN

Well…duh. They might as well just put the poster for this movie under the dictionary definition of "bad-ass." Trust me, no matter how bad you might think you are, you do NOT want to go up against Lee Marvin, Charles Bronson, Telly Savalas, Ernest Borgnine, Donald Sutherland, and Jim Brown. You just don't. This is the all-time greatest example of the "bad-ass unit" genre, and I highly doubt it will ever be topped.

SHAWN S. LEALOS

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Lafayett Escadrille – Flyboys - The movie wasn't that great, but I am listing it here because The Lafayette Escadrille were simply awesome. The squadron was composed of volunteer fighter pilots who fought in World War I while the United States was still a neutral country. Their flying ace was Raoul Lufbery who had 16 confirmed victories before the U.S. entered the war.

The Colonial Marines – Aliens - Yeah, they got their asses handed to them by the Aliens, but damn if they weren't bad ass going down. Extra credit goes to Bill Paxton, although Terminator's Michael Biehn was also pretty damn cool too.

U.S. Soldiers – Three Kings - They were crooks and their only goal going in was to steal gold but they ended up saving a lot of people when the U.S. Army refused to.

THE TOP 5

5. SPECIAL TASK FORCE (PREDATOR)

What else can you say about a military unit that included two future governors and Apollo Creed.

4. 54TH MASSACHUSETTS VOLUNTEER INFANTRY (GLORY)

The regiment was one of the first official black unties in the United States armed forces. They were led by a white colonel named Robert Gould Shaw and are best known for their assault on Fort Wagner. Colonel Shaw and 116 of his men died with him and another 156 were injured. Even though they never took Fort, they proved that they were as brave and valuable as anyone else and led to a resurgence of African-American troops which helped swing the favor to the North.

3. 300 SPARTANS (300)

I don't care if the movie is accurate or not, the battles in this Zack Snyder movie was awesome and deserve a spot on any fake movie military list.

2. TEAM AMERICA: WORLD POLICE

America, Fuck Yeah! The group exists to stop terrorists, with no regard for collateral damage in the process. They save Paris, France and the destruction of the city was a small price to pay. They then had the great task of stopping Kim Jong-il while having to answer to the Film Actors Guild in the process. Never has the fight to protect America been more realistic as they not only have to fight terrorists but also George Clooney, Michael Moore, Alec Baldwin, Sean Penn, Tim Robbins and Matt Damon ... "MATT DAMON!"

1. THE REBELLION (STAR WARS)

They destroyed the Death Star and finally took back over the planet of Endor from the Empire, finally crippling the dominating force in the galaxy. The leadership was solid with Princess Leia and they recruited some great outside help (Han Solo). They had a pretty good pilot in a farm kid from Tatooine as well.

STEVE GUSTAFSON

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Ewoks (Return of the Jedi) - Oh, stop. These furry warriors earned a mention because they didn't ask for trouble, it was dropped on them and they did what they had to do to survive. They didn't just sit back and say, "Ee chee wa maa!" They fought back with sticks and stones!

Mobile Infantry (Starship Troopers) - It they are good enough for "Johnny" Rico, then they are good enough for me!

The 54th Massachusetts Infantry Regiment (Glory) - All they wanted was to fight. It was a suicide mission but one that they ran into with their heads held high. That's courage.

THE TOP 5

5. SAMURAI – THE LAST SAMURAI

Algren (Tom Cruise): [narrating] "They are an intriguing people. From the moment they wake they devote themselves to the perfection of whatever they pursue. I have never seem such discipline. I am surprised to learn that the word Samurai means, 'to serve', and that Katsumoto believes his rebellion to be in the service of the Emperor."
Algren, an American military advisor sharpens his mind through practice of Bushido, the way of the samurai, after he is captured in battle. He lives and learns from the very same samurai he's been hired to destroy. His eyes become our eyes in this new world and through their teachings he overcomes his alcoholism, learning true peace. But don't mistake their tranquility for weakness. Be it ninja or soldiers, these warriors will sacrifice all to defend their way.

4. SELECT MEMBERS OF C COMPANY, 2ND RANGER BATTALION – SAVING PRIVATE RYAN

You know what scene got this movie put on my list? The end scene. When the Germans arrive in force supported by two Tiger I tanks, two self propelled guns, a towed Flak 38 cannon, and half-tracks. Capt. John H. Miller (Tom Hanks) leads the defense, fighting a losing battle but inflicting heavy casualties. His men are dying around him but he never quits. While attempting to blow the bridge, Miller is shot and fatally wounded. Even as he's dying, he pulls out his gun, and shoots at the tank. The imagery of him sitting there, firing a ineffective weapon against a tank summed up his character, and that of his men, in one scene. Then Private First Class James Francis Ryan, the man they were sent to rescue, is with Miller as he dies and hears his last words, "James... earn this. Earn it." That's hardcore.

3. A TASK FORCE OF DELTA FORCE SOLDIERS, ARMY RANGERS, & SPECIAL OPERATIONS AVIATION REGIMENT – BLACK HAWK DOWN

This movie is raw! Based on the true story of the deployment of the U.S. Army Ranger's that were deployed to Somalia in 1993. Specifically where a combined operation of United States Special operations teams (Delta force) and U.S. Rangers goes deadly wrong. You want to see chaos on the screen, check this out. Because of the violence and realistic portrayal of death, this movie gets shuffled off to the side because it makes people face the truth and deaths oversees aren't just statistics read off by a news reporter. The soldiers in this movie proved the Ranger motto, "no one gets left behind".

2. SPARTANS – 300

Never have 300 half naked men been so mucho macho! King Leonidas (Gerard Butler) and 300 Spartans fight to the last man against Persian "God-King" Xerxes (Rodrigo Santoro) and his army of more than one million soldiers. It's the stuff of legend! As Persian archers shoot at the remaining Spartans, Leonidas rises and hurls his spear at Xerxes, cutting the King on the cheek, making good on his promise to make "the God-King bleed."

1. THE DIRTY DOZEN – THE DIRTY DOZEN

Lee Marvin, Ernest Borgnine, Charles Bronson, Jim Brown, Telly Savalas, Donald Sutherland...Do I really need to go on? Rumors still exist that this movie is so bad ass, so manly that women became pregnant by just watching it. Easy number 1.

BRYAN KRISTOPOWITZ

HONORABLE MENTIONS

Dutch's Task Force Rescue Team – Predator (1987) - Ahnold Schwarzenegger, Jesse Ventura, Sonny Landham, Carl Weathers, Richard Chaves, and the Bill fucking Duke. Yeah, all but one of them got their ass kicked by an alien hunter from outer space, but you can bet your life that had Ahnold and Bill Duke known about the alien ahead of time the alien wouldn't have had time to nuke the jungle. Ventura would have shoved his minigun up the alien's ass.

Gene Hackman's – Uncommon Valor (1983) - Gene Hackman assembles a group of bad ass ex-'Nam guys to go into Laos to rescue ''Nam POW's. There's Hackman, Fred Ward, Randall "Tex" Cobb, Tim Thomerson, Reb fucking Brown, Patrick Swayze, and Harold "Griff" Sylvester. Yeah, Tex did a funny dance, but would you mess with these guys?

Mercenary team – Mercenary Fighters (1988) - A group of mercs hired by an African dictator to maintain order while building a bridge. Peter Fonda, Reb fucking Brown, James Mitchum, and Ron "Priest from 'Superfly'" O'Neal. They blow a bunch of stuff up and engage in late 1980's action movie coolness. Reb is the key, though.

THE TOP 5

5. THE AMERICANS - TROMA'S WAR (1988)

A commercial jet crashes on an unknown island, and the survivors (an unstable 'Nam vet, a guy that decides he doesn't need to wear a shirt for most of the movie, a British guy that carries poison darts around with him at all times, an old guy with a fake arm, a fat guy, and a bunch of ass kicking women) come across a weird beard group of terrorists hell bent on destroying America. So what do these survivors, these Americans, if you will (the team doesn't have an official name and since the terrorists want to destroy America, why not call they're enemy the Americans?), decide to eventually do? Get armed and kick butt. The terrorists, heavily armed themselves, don't put up much of a fight (they do ride around on hovercrafts and rape women, though). I think we all know who wins, right?

"Airborne!" (that's what the unstable 'Nam guy says over and over again. He then cuts the ears off dead bodies and puts the ears on a necklace. Great character there).

4. SARGE'S SQUAD - ZONE TROOPERS (1986)

This is Tim Thomerson as the Sarge (he has a reputation for being indestructible on the battlefield), Timothy van Patten as the young guy Joey, Art LeFleur as Mittens the machine gun guy, and Biff Manard as Dolan the army reporter. It's World War II, and the Sarge and his group are roaming around Italy looking for Nazi kraut scumbags to blow away (sort of like Saunders on Combat!). They end up having a close encounter with an alien from outer space, which then gets them up close to the Nazi high command (Hitler makes an appearance). Mittens gets to punch Hitler in the face ("I decked Hitler!" he exclaims at one point), and then Sarge's squad teams up with the aliens and they all kick some major butt. The Nazis don't survive. A whole bunch of them get vaporized by the alien weapons the aliens allow Sarge to use.

3. THE UNIVERSAL SOLDIER PROGRAM - UNIVERSAL SOLDIER (1992)

Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, along with Tommy "Zeus" Lister and the son of Chuck Norris, are all super enhanced soldiers that all "died" in 'Nam, only to be brought back as a super secret special ops group. Dolph eventually loses it and starts going after Van Damme (just like he did back in 'Nam. Long story there) and the Universal Soldier unit is no longer a unit. But check out that first mission they have where they have to rescue those hostages from the terrorists at the Hoover Dam. Holy crap they're efficient. And deadly as hell. And even though they all have the latest and best advanced weaponry you get the sense that that weaponry is really all for show. They could all kick ass without it. If you saw Van Damme, Dolph, Zeus, and the rest coming after you, wouldn't you give up? Of course you would.

2. RASCZAK'S ROUGHNECKS - STARSHIP TROOPERS (1997)

This, of course, is the Mobile Infantry team that's always sent in first to battle the Bugs. That's just Rasczak's way. Johnny Rico, Dizzy Flores, and Ace Levy learn very quickly what it takes to be a member of the team. Everyone fights, no one quits. If you don't do your job, Rasczak will shoot you himself. And he's not messing around (when you're Michael Ironside you don't mess around. You can't. You have a reputation to uphold. You're Michael Ironside). And when they do see battle, the Roughnecks don't quit for any reason. They fight until the mission is complete. Yeah, they'll fall back if things get too hairy, but they're in it for the long haul. That's what citizens of the Federation do.

1. THE DIRTY DOZEN - THE DIRTY DOZEN (1967)

The granddaddy of all bad ass movie units for a reason. Look at this cast. Lee Marvin. Ernie Borgnine. Chuck Bronson. John Cassevetes. Robert Ryan. Donald Sutherland. Telly Savalas. Trini Lopez. And the Jim fucking Brown. I don't think I need to say anymore, do I? They're all either drunk, surly, drunk and surly, sullen, and above all else, seriously pissed off. Greatest movie team of all time and likely to remain that way until The Expendables.