The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 08.10.09: Issue #72
Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.10.2009
"Unearthed" (2007)
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never tried to bend steel with its mind, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number seventy-two, I take a look at the 2007 horror flick "Unearthed," which was part of the second "After Dark Horrorfest" back in '07. You may have seen it in a theatre on the big screen back in '07. I didn't, although I did see two of the After Dark offerings from that festival (just for the record, that would have been "Mulberry Street" and "Tooth and Nail," which I reviewed way back here).
"Unearthed"
"Unearthed," written and directed by Mathew Leutwyler, is one of those low budget horror flicks that features a monster that's actually pretty scary, even though it looks cheap as hell and the CGI effects that are used to make it move aren't the least bit convincing, even for a low budget horror movie. Add in a decent cast, tight and suspenseful direction, and a great, sparse desert location, not to mention a heaping amount of fairly decent gore, you've got a pretty worthwhile ninety-minute horror movie watching experience.
Basically, the movie is an ensemble piece concerning a small town out in the middle of nowhere in the desert in New Mexico. There's Sheriff Annie Flynn (Emmanuelle Vaugier), a depressed alcoholic that keeps having flashbacks to a nasty murder investigation. There's Nodin (Tonantzin Carmelo), a scientist doing research on something or another (I think she's an archaeologist, actually). There's Grandpa (the great Russell Means), the grandfather of either Annie or Nodin (I'm sorry, I couldn't figure it out) and the owner of the land that Nodin is working on and he runs the local gas station/general store/hotel. There's Hank (Charlie Murphy), a man in a sports car just passing through, looking for some gas (sadly for him, Grandpa's gas pumps are all out of gas). There's Carla and Ally (Miranda Bailey and Whitney Able), two hip and edgy chicks on their way to Hollywood who are also just passing through. There's local rich rancher Rob Horn (M.C. Gainey), who is behind an upcoming town meeting to replace Annie as Sheriff. And there's Kale (Luke Goss), a mysterious stranger in town digging holes for some reason (you know he's mysterious and potentially up to no good because he's got a tattoo on his face).
Now, the incident that brings them all together involves a mysterious creature that has been dormant for 900 years causing a massive tractor trailer truck accident that blocks the only road out of town. Animals (mostly Rob Horn's ranch animals) start showing up dead and in pieces, and people start disappearing. The people stuck in town, at first, are inclined to wait until the road is unblocked and the gas pumps are replenished (there's not much to do in this little podunk town, especially at night, but what else are they going to do?). But when they find out about the 900 year old creature, they decide to band together and find a way to get out of town. Obviously, most of them are unsuccessful in getting out (wouldn't have much of a movie if no one died, right?), so the movie eventually becomes an exercise in seeing who survives the night. You may actually be surprised at how it all plays out.
The movie starts out rather slowly as you're not really sure what's going on. The flick starts out with a "monster attack in the dark" kind of thing, then the scene shifts to the town and all of the relationships and politics and you're wondering when the monster is going to show up again. It's a great way to build up suspense. When the monster finally does come back and we actually get to see it, the movie pace picks up considerably. The mysterious character of Goss' Kale also helps, because you're never really sure what his deal is. Just who the heck is Kale, anyway?
Now, the movie does have a few problems. As I said above, the monster design, while scary, is somewhat undermined by the poor CGI that's used to make it move. It just looks too much like a computer generated image as opposed to a full on, living, breathing mysterious killer creature. The rest of the movie looks fabulous (the set design, the use of dark and light, all of it is top notch stuff). But then the monster shows up and starts moving, and it's like a poorly designed video game has invaded the movie. The creature kind of looks like a cross between an alien from "Aliens" and a Licker from the "Resident Evil 2" video game. What saves the creature and the movie in this sense is the blood and gore. You do not want to get attacked by this creature. The best gore scene involves the creature smashing a character's head in from the top. It looks like someone smashed a pumpkin filled with liquefied red pumpkin filling. Just great, great stuff.
Emmanuelle Vaugier is stupendous as Sheriff Annie Flynn. She's morose, sullen, clearly depressed, but she's also kind of level headed and in-charge. She's also hot, and that's always appreciated. Tonantzin Carmelo is hot and stupendous, too. She knows how to play a scientist and make that scientist charismatic. Charlie Murphy, as Hank, is a little annoying at first (why the hell is he swearing so much?), but he eventually grows on you. Miranda Bailey and Whitney Able are great as the ditzy babes on their way to Hollywood. I, for one, think it's hilarious that they packed up a pick up truck with both of their belongings and didn't put a tarp over it. Apparently no one thought about rain or swirling dust getting into everything.
M.C. Gainey, good old Swamp Thing hisself, does his usual great job as Rob Horn. No one can play a charismatic, likeable prick quite like Gainey. It's hilarious when he tells Annie, right in the middle of the carnage, that he knows she can do her job well and appreciates just how much work she's doing trying to get everyone out of town, but he's still going to vote her ass out of office. Now that is a prick we can all believe in. Russell Means does his usual wise, old Indian as Grandpa. Authority and wisdom just ooze out of him. He can also wield a shotgun when he has to. And Luke Goss is just awesome as Kale. Dark and mysterious, he's a bad ass with an unknown agenda. I don't know if Leutwyler was going with a "Riddick from Pitch Black" kind of thing with Kale, but you get the sense that Kale and Riddick would make a great team (or have a great fight, either or really).
I wonder how the movie played on the big screen? Did anyone out there see it during the second After Dark Horrorfest?
All in all, "Unearthed" is a pretty decent to waste ninety-minutes of your time. It's an imperfect monster movie that makes up for its deficiencies with gore, great performances, and plenty of energy. Great job, Mathew Leutwyler.
See "Unearthed." See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here? Gratuitous unsettling opening titles sequence, gratuitous guy working in a cave, gratuitous weird writings on the wall, a camera trained on a spider for some reason, an old skanky waitress in a diner, gratuitous trucker with a dog fixation, a massive truck accident, gratuitous archeological dig, a hot chick looking at stuff through a microscope, gratuitous Russell Means, a hot chick in skimpy blue underwear, gratuitous orange juice and vodka, gratuitous Luke Goss, gratuitous massive radio interference, a weird looking tail thing, gratuitous multiple flashbacks, desecrating a dead body, gratuitous M.C. Gainey, gratuitous hot blonde chicks in a pick up truck, farmhand killing, gratuitous CB communication, appreciating pottery, a disemboweled dead body, great scene where a woman jumps out the window and gets stuck on broken glass, attempted shooting, a massive monster attack, exploding building with cool aftershock somersault, flare gun hooey, dead cattle, body infestation, a dead body wrapped in plastic, gratuitous glow sticks, barfing, poisonous snake attack, making poison, a rolling boulder, a massive creature bite, seriously ripped open dead bodies, a uranium mine, powersawing a rock, a lame punch to the face, massive head destruction, a big ass chest bug thing, killing something in a deep fryer, a personal sacrifice, dead body collecting, and pretty cool closing credits music.
Best lines: "So, who has been taking care of your dogs?," "You know, one of these days I'm going to shoot you," "Why don't you hate me?," "Don't worry, he ain't going nowhere," "Grandpa, I need to get that case to Albuquerque like yesterday," "Well, folks, I hope you don't need fuel," "Welcome to the party," "Creating pottery is like a connection with Mother Earth," "No one is taking my truck anywhere!," "Ya'll better not bring that creature back with you!," "I've got a battery," and "I gotta hand it to you, Annie, you're one tough little broad."
Rating: 8.0/10.0
***
Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And if there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
Next issue, I have quite the cool movie to review and discuss. It's a bit of a surprise, so be sure to check out this very column next week.
And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.
Emmanuelle Vaugier- Sheriff Annie Flynn Luke Goss- Kale Charlie Murphy- Hank M.C. Gainey- Rob Horn Miranda Bailey- Carla Whitney Able- Ally Russell Means- Grandpa Tonantzin Carmelo- Nodin Beau Garrett- Caya Tommy Dewey- Charlie
Directed by Mathew Leutwyler Screenplay by Mathew Leutwyler
Distributed by Lionsgate
Rated Rfor violence/gore and language Runtime- 93 minutes
