The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 8.17.09: Issue #73 - Live Evil (2009) Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.17.2009
For the first time ever, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column reviews a B-movie that hasn't been released yet, but will get released soon to theaters and DVD. That movie? "Live Evil," starring B-movie legends Tim Thomerson and Ken Foree. Read on for more.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #73: "Live Evil" (2009)
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has never tried to hit anyone in the face with a hammer (although there have been times, fleeting moments if you will, where it sure seemed like a good idea. Reginald knows what I'm talking about), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number seventy-three, I take a look at a B-movie that hasn't even been released yet outside of the genre festival circuit, "Live Evil," starring Tim Thomerson (Jack Deth himself) and Ken Foree and directed by the soon-to-be great Jay Woelfel.
Live Evil
Every so often, a B-movie comes along that is so dang cool and awesome and fun that it almost seems impossible that it was ever made and that you're actually watching it. "Live Evil" is one of those B-movies. It hit just about every note perfectly, has outstanding performances by a cast featuring two B-movie legends, and is chock full of enough blood and gore and nifty action to make any B-movie fan cheer in ultimate triumph. These kinds of movies don't come along all that often, and when they do appear they need to be embraced, celebrated, and talked about as much as possible.
So what the heck is "Live Evil" about?
Tim Thomerson plays Priest, a black trench coat and cowboy hat wearing Catholic priest that travels around the Southwestern United States looking for vampires to kill with his samurai sword. He's looking for a quartet of vampires that are on a quest for "clean" blood, led by a man named Benedict (Mark Hengst).
See, in this harsh and unforgiving world, there are all kinds of vampires (there aren't as many as there used to be, but they're still out there). Some can walk around in the daylight, some cannot. Some sleep in coffins, some don't. And some even have their vampire teeth on the palm of their hands. The only thing that binds them together is their need for "clean" human blood, blood unspoiled by disease and pollution. That kind of blood is hard to come by, considering the state humanity as a whole finds itself in (AIDS, diabetes, stuff like that, it's all bad for humanity and therefore it's bad for vampires). That doesn't mean, though, that vampires are holed up not feeding. They're all out looking for their next meal.
(This is one of the few moments where the Priest doesn't use a sword to dispatch a vampire. Thomerson sure does look cool wielding two guns, doesn't he?)
So Priest is hot on Benedict's trail, killing other vampires along the way (the guy is a vampire magnet. Wherever he goes there they are) and leaving a card with the words "Live Evil" on it, as a kind of calling card/warning to other vampires that he will find them and kill them. Priest eventually picks up a woman in a bar that was attacked but not bitten by a vampire, Roxy (Kimberly Sanders), who he sort of takes under his wing and teaches the finer points of vampire death dealing to. Priest and Roxy track Benedict's group to Los Angeles, the home base of blood dealer Max (Ken Foree) and his "vampire parties." It's here that we learn that there's more going on here between Priest and Benedict's group, especially the uber hot Sydney (Osa Wallander), than previously thought. You just know that when the final confrontation occurs (and there will be a final confrontation) it's going to be hellacious, brutal, and downright nasty for all involved.
And, boy, does it get nasty. In fact, nasty stuff happens throughout the movie. Blood flows and spews everywhere as vampires attack people, but there's plenty of dead vampire hooey there, too. Heads and hands get lopped off, vampires are set on fire, there's even a moment of torture. Thomerson's Priest is responsible for most of this violence and with good reason (you'll have to watch the movie to find out what that good reason is). There's also a great sequence involving human babies that will definitely get audiences talking. You shouldn't flinch, though, because the movie doesn't.
The movie also has this great pseudo nihilism about it, where it's like horrendous death at the hands of blood sucking creatures is just a fact of like and something you're probably going to have to deal with at some point. It helps make what Priest does seem that much worse and awful because there's no real compromise involved for anyone. In this world you've only got two choices: be killed by a vampire, or kill a vampire.
Thomerson is just awesome as the Priest. The trench coat, the cowboy hat, the sword, it's all destined for B-movie icon status. And Thomerson is pretty good with a sword (he knows how to decapitate a guy). Thomerson, for whatever reason, hasn't had the chance to be a bad ass in a movie the last few years, but he's definitely back in Jack Deth mode here, and I'm hoping that we see him, once again, put the coat and the hat on and wield that samurai sword against those blood sucking bastards. If Thomerson had played the Priest in that other vampire he's known for, "Near Dark," he would have made both Bill Paxton and Lance Henriksen his bitch. Suffice to say, the movie would have lasted about five minutes.
Ken Foree, good old Peter from George A. Romero's "Dawn of the Dead," doesn't have as big a part to play as Thomerson, but he's his usual cool self anyway as Max the blood dealer. He shows up at the beginning of the movie doing some background narration, then shows up much later on at the LA vampire party to deal with Benedict and his gang. It's a great scene because you're not really sure what Max's real deal is. Is he human? Is he, too, a vampire? You eventually find out, but the build up to that revelation is great. I will also say that Foree sure can rock a Hugh Hefner robe.
Mark Hengst and Osa Wallander are a great vampire couple. Hengst is outstanding as the defacto leader of the group Benedict. Hengst makes Benedict both intimidating and kind of sleazy all at the same time, sort of like the popular high school football quarterback. And Wallander, again, is just hot as Sydney. And nasty, too, like all great bad ass vampire women. Special mention also needs to be made of Gregory Lee Kenyon and the uber hot (lots of uber hot going on here) Eva Derrek as Baxter and Yeal, the other two members of the vampire quartet. If you're putting together a group of traveling vampire killers you want these two on your squad (especially Derrek if you're a heterosexual dude or a lesbian. She's hot). Kimberly Sanders does a fine job as Roxy, the Priest's defacto sidekick. She never gets in the way and she's not there for comedic interludes, so kudos to Woelfel for making Roxy a substantial character. She also gets nude, so there is that to look forward to as well.
And you will definitely not forget Spider, as played by the super hot Tiffany Shepis. She's a vampire pseudo hooker with a spider web tattoo on her face. What she does to a fat guy in a darkened room is likely what every fat guy genre nerd wants done to him at some point in his life. Great, great, sad and hot at the same time stuff. And the great Lee Perkins also does a fine job as Officer Hicks. You will never forget him, either.
Now, there's a scene in the movie towards the end involving a cross dressing bartender and a midget that's likely to provoke heated discussion as to why it's in the movie at all. It's a funny scene to be sure, but what does it have to do with anything? I don't know the answer to that, but I'm sure director Jay Woelfel will provide an explanation on the eventual DVD either in a director's commentary or some kind of behind-the-scenes thing. Where the heck did that midget come from?
"Yes, where did that midget come from?"
Speaking of director Jay Woelfel, he's given the B-movie loving world an ass kicking masterpiece that should make us eager to see whatever the heck he's got coming next. He's been directing stuff for twenty years now, and if this doesn't get him noticed and made a household genre name, well, there's just something wrong with the world. Thanks, Mr. Woelfel, for making a great movie.
Now, as I said at the beginning, this flick isn't out yet. But it will be out in theatres (yes, actual movie theatres) next month, starting September 18th. Monogram Releasing, the people behind the theatrical release of the Troma flick "Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead," will put "Live Evil" on some 300 screens. Then in November, November 18th to be exact the flick will appear both on DVD and Video On Demand, so if you don't get a chance to see the flick on the big screen, make sure you see it on DVD or VOD. You'll be glad you did.
"Live Evil" is a brutal, nasty, bloody, ass kicking awesome B-movie blast that must be seen. Mark your calendars and make your plans to see it because, again, you need to see it. It's just that damn good.
Long live the Priest!
So what do we have here? A diner in the desert filled with rowdy rednecks, gratuitous hot babe that wants to make it with those rowdy rednecks, brutal fellatio, neck snapping, head crushing with eyes popping out of the head, blood barfing, gratuitous Ken Foree, a severed hand, gratuitous Tim Thomerson in a cowboy hat and trench coat using a sword to kill vampires, a blood geyser, gratuitous "Live Evil" calling card, a fabulous high speed desert car chase, using a dead body like a James Bond car weapon, a wild flip, gratuitous vampire drinking blood out of a coffee cup, boobies, throat slashing, gratuitous Tim Thomerson fighting five guys in the desert, exploding oil lamp, man on fire, gut slashing, decapitation, vampire grenade, heart removal, heart stomping, gratuitous whiskey drinking, bar attack, more decapitations, gratuitous Tim Thomerson looking at his sword like he's thinking of making an adjustment to the blade, punch to the face, serious Kim Richards and reverse Kim Richards, gratuitous flashbacks, gratuitous Lee Perkins, more hand cutting and decapitations, thrown sword through the hand, a great bit where a car back over a dead vampire and gooey brains go everywhere, an empty coffin, a closet jump scare, barfing blood into a toilet, gratuitous "Nosferatu," gratuitous uber hot vampire chick doing cocaine, fat guy killing, more head bashing, more heart removal, gratuitous cross dressing bartender and midget, a melting body, vampire torture with body on fire, gratuitous "John Carpenter's Vampires" homage, a steel bucket, a very hot shower, a booby trapped church, gratuitous Tim Thomerson playing a church organ, Mandy Patinkin's sword from "The Princess Bride," a great sword fight, bucket attack, shotgun blast to the head with exploding head (automatic nomination for "greatest movie ever made" list) wooden cross attack, two big twists, and a great final scene that should be a movie poster.
Best lines: "Do you still want to fuck me?," "Oh, you're good. But I used to drive these roads in a covered wagon," "Look, I gotta tell ya something. I had crabs like eight years ago," "Our hunger is mightier than your sword," "They're never in a hurry to go back to hell," "You hit me you motherfucker!," "If you call me honky I'll call the NAACP," "Geez, you scared the crud out of me," "Goddamn vampire babies. They're the worst," "I don't fuck trash. I throw it out," "Why can't we just finish one before we start a new one?," "Kids know," "In my experience the safest number is one," "This is hell in a Christian sense," "Vampires can be so stupid," "You're a priest. More like a minister of death," "Don't come in here unless you're done throwing up!," "Trusting the wrong person. That's fucked me up plenty of times," "Don't blaspheme," "Shut up, run faster, and don't trip," "Come on, more blood!," and "What's that smell? Priest, medium well, I think."
Rating: 10.0/10.0
***
Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And if there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.
And please, please, please support "Live Evil" when it hits both on the big screen and on DVD. It deserves as wide an audience as possible.
"Live Evil"
Tim Thomerson- The Priest Mark Hengst- Benedict Osa Wallander- Sydney Ken Foree- Max Gregory Lee Kenyon- Baxter Eva Derrek- Yeal Kimberly Sanders- Roxy Lee Perkins- Officer Hicks Tiffany Shepis- Spider Sean Cain- Severin
Directed by Jay Woelfel
Screenplay by Jay Woelfel, based on an original screenplay by Lance Polland
Distributed by Monogram Releasing (theatrical) September 18th
Rated R for gory violence, language, and nudity, among other things
