The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 08.24.09: Issue #74
Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 08.24.2009
"Linewatch" (2008)
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that has often wondered why no one has ever tried to produce and sell a scented candle that smells like farts, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number seventy four, I take a look at the 2008 direct-to-video action flick "Linewatch" starring Academy Award winner Cuba Gooding, Jr. This is the second time a Gooding, Jr. direct-to-video movie has appeared in this very column (way back here, in issue number thirty-six), which is either a great honor or a sad, sad development in a formerly distinguished career. I'd like to think it's the first one, but I have a feeling that it's the second. Or maybe a combination of the two with the second one taking up slightly more real estate than the first. I'll go track down Gooding Jr.'s agent and get back to you on that.
Linewatch
At first, "Linewatch," directed by Kevin Bray, looks like it's going to be some kind of action movie about Gooding Jr.'s Border Patrol agent Michael Dixon tracking down some rat bastard coyote that left a bunch of people he was smuggling across the New Mexico border in the back of a delivery truck to die. After about ten minutes, though, the movie goes off in a different direction and becomes a movie about a man's dark past coming back to haunt him. Dixon is a former Los Angeles street gang member from back in the day, a legendary member of the HNG crew (Hell Needs Gangsters). During a botched raid on a trailer out in the desert (Dixon was looking for the coyote, ends up getting shot at by drug runners, his partner gets shot and almost dies), Dixon is recognized by one of the current HNG crew that then leads current HNG leader Drake (also, I believe, known as Kimo, played by Omari Hardwick) to New Mexico to find out if Dixon really is the cold blooded, ass kicking gangster he used to run the streets with.
Dixon, who has tried to put his gang past behind him and started a family (he's got a wife, Angela, as played by Sharon Leal, and a five year old daughter), has to revert to his old gangster ways as soon as Drake and his guys show up. Dixon tells his wife, "Bitch, I said get back to bed," something he would never say in his current life (he loves and respects his wife too much to call her bitch. It pains him to call her that). He does this in the hope that he can somehow convince the gang crew that he can't do whatever it is they want him to do (why else would they show up and not shoot him immediately? When you're in a gang like the HNG, you're in it for life. There is no escape). And boy, do they want him to do something.
See, Drake has brokered a deal with a group of drug runners in Mexico that are willing to cross the border with a shipment of dope that will yield millions of dollars on the street. Drake knows jackhooey about the desert and the border areas, but he knows that Dixon does. So Drake wants Dixon to lead him out into the desert to a predetermined meeting place to pick up the drug shipment.
At first, Dixon balks at the request. He's flattered, sure (well, that's what he tries to tell the HNG crew), but that's not who he is anymore. Drake implies that if Dixon doesn't go with them and help he's going to have Lonnie (Evan Ross), Dixon's nephew and son of another now dead legendary HNG gangster, shoot Dixon's wife and child. So Dixon agrees to do it. Nothing quite like sudden and horrific duress to get a guy to change his mind.
So Dixon, Drake, Lonnie, and funny big man and lizardphobic Stokes (AMG) and some other guy (he's skinny, kind of goofy, and funnier than hell. I don't remember his name, though, and I can't find him on the imdb.com cast list, but when you watch the flick you'll recognize who I'm talking about) go off into the desert to pick up the drug shipment. Drake leaves some guys behind at Dixon's house to keep Angela and the kid company and make sure nothing happens to his insurance policy. If Dixon tries anything stupid, it's not going to be pretty for Angela.
"Linewatch" drags a bit here and there and, for whatever reason, has a less than urgent pacing, which is surprising considering the predicament Dixon finds himself in. You'd think there would be an overwhelming sense of doom about Dixon because he knows exactly what Drake is going to do when the pick up is finished (he's going to try to rub Dixon out. No witnesses, no loose ends, as they apparently say). But there isn't. Everything happens rather matter-of-factly. There is a great scene involving Lonnie and a gang initiation that's full of tension, and when they meet up with the Mexican drug runners there's a brief sense of "this could all go to hell pretty damn quick" since each side speaks a different language and everyone is armed to the teeth. But why isn't there any tension on the ride out the desert between Drake and Dixon? Again, there's no sense of impending doom from Dixon, and Drake doesn't seem to be all that on edge about Dixon doing something stupid (yes, Drake has that insurance policy back at Dixon's home, but there's still a chance Dixon might do something "stupid." He is, after all, not the man he used to be). But that isn't to say that the movie is bad or unwatchable because it isn't. Despite its flaws, the movie is actually pretty okay.
Gooding, Jr. is pretty decent as the conflicted Dixon. His performance would have been helped by a quicker movie pace and a better sense of doom, but Gooding, Jr. makes the most of the character and makes Dixon memorable. His best scenes are with his wife played by Sharon Leal, who is fabulous (not to mention hot). They have a real family chemistry that works, which makes the eventual "Bitch!" scene that much more powerful. Omari Hardwick is also pretty decent as Drake the lead bad guy. He's got the smooth arrogance one needs when playing a gang leader in a movie like this. He also knows how to be a goddamn prick (he treats pretty much everyone like crap). Watch him shoot that guy in the desert. Pretty freaking harsh.
AMG is funny as Stokes the comic relief. The movie suffers a bit when his character dies (ooh, sorry about the spoiler there, but it's obvious from the get go that he's not going to survive, so in a sense it's not much of a spoiler), but then that tends to happen when the comic relief goes away. Evan Ross is great as Lonnie the wannabe gangster. He's so enthusiastic about getting a chance to be a part of the HNG and following in his father's footsteps that he's about ready to jump out of his skin. He also has a naivety that's infectious and sad. You just know something bad is eventually going to happen to him if he doesn't change his life plan.
The immortal Dean Norris (Tony the mutant from "Total Recall," among other fine roles over the years) shows up as Warren, Dixon's Border Patrol boss. He doesn't get to do much besides call Dixon on the phone and demand he get back to the office because he knows something is up and doesn't want Dixon doing something stupid while looking for that coyote (Warren doesn't find out about the gang stuff until much later), but then he's Dean Norris and isn't required to do much else to be great. And Chris Browning, who plays Ron Spencer, the leader of the "Homeland Defense and Rescue," a band of heavily armed but untrained white guys capturing illegals crossing the border, doesn't get to do as much as he probably should have (Browning makes Spencer such a scumbag racist that you want him to face off with Gooding Jr.'s Dixon at some point), but he does get a surprisingly moving scene towards the end of the movie that's actually quite sad. I guess that makes up for the lack of stuff to do in the middle of the movie.
The movie's score is pretty decent. It works with the deliberate pace of the movie. And I have to say that the desert setting is beautifully photographed (I bet it would have looked great on the big screen). I do wish, though, that movies like this one would stop using opening credits in red. They're very hard to read.
Now, the ending, which is a fabulous final showdown sequence all by itself, is probably going to cause a bit of consternation with people because it comes off as a bit of a cliché and perhaps not the ending the movie should have had. That's what I thought first. I didn't know what kind of ending the movie should have had, I just knew that it should have been different. But then I thought about it for a little while and realized that the ending, above all else, makes sense. I'll just say this: think about the garage. What happens there deserves a response.
Despite its deliberate pace and lack of overarching personal doom, "Linewatch" is a pretty decent way to waste about ninety minutes of your time. I know it seems like a bit of a step down for Gooding Jr., but I wouldn't mind seeing him in more low budget action flicks like this one. He's good at them.
See "Linewatch." You'll like it.
"What the fuck are you looking at, son?"
So what do we have here? A long dirt road out in the desert somewhere, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr., a truck filled with dead bodies, serious Kim Richards, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. wearing a backpack, a barn fight, elbow to the face, a flaming car off in the distance, shotgun blast the chest, gratuitous Dean Norris, a potential shout out to Gooding Jr.‘s family movie history with Disney, a gangster that likes to play with RC cars, a great head shot, a messed up dream, gratuitous poor village puppet show, gratuitous white racist vigilante border patrol yahoos, gratuitous Cuba Gooding, Jr. speaking Spanish, wife sex, drugs, catching up on old times, gratuitous Border Patrol work schedule, gratuitous gangster street honor hooey, piano playing, Kool Aid drinking, face slapping, attempted rape, gratuitous gang initiation, rocks to the body, lizard attack, gratuitous heavily armed Mexican drug runners, four wheeler hooey, a minor shootout, ankle blasting, and a final showdown.
Best lines: "What the hell you doing supporting a criminal?," "You should have warned them to death," "Officer, I don't want no trouble," "Dammit, fellas, legal up, we're by the book now," "He is not a cop," "What is your deal, bro?," "What did you learn today, sweetie? How to break somebody's arm. Well, that'll come in handy on the playground," "Lonnie?," "Bitch, I said get back to bed," "Speaking of dirt you want some candy?," "You gotta fix this, Michael," "I'm gonna find that coyote," "Just what the world needs, another gang banger," "What are you doing with that shovel?," "What's the Spanish word for black? You. Negro," "Why didn't you go to the bathroom before we left?," "It's better if you don't talk," "He's a reptile professional. A reptologist," "Shut the fuck up, Mike!," "Fire a gun at me again and see what happens," "Where are these Mexicans at?," "Speak English!," "Good seeing you, Mad Dog," "They're gonna come back and I can't let that happen," and "I got this."
Rating: 7.5/10.0
***
Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that. And if there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.
"Linewatch"
Cuba Gooding, Jr.- Michael Dixon Omari Hardwick- Drake Sharon Leal- Angela Dixon Evan Ross- Lonnie Dean Norris- Warren Chris Browning- Ron Spencer AMG- Stokes
Directed by Kevin Bray Screenplay by David W. Warfield
Distributed by Sony Pictures Entertainment
Rated R for violence and language Runtime- 89 minutes
