The Big Screen Bulletin 08.31.09: Thingamajigs and Whatchamacallits

Posted by Chad Webb on 08.31.2009

A DVD quickee of "Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes", the box office results, Spielberg eyeing Crichton, huge Criterion updates, more "Shutter Island" news, new DVD releases, new quickees, trailer ratings, and much more!

The DVD Quickee

Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes







Miles O'Keefe: Sgt. Darkin
Fred Williamson: Feather
Scott Green: Trash
Gabriele Gori: Bronx
Mike Malin: Nose
Daniel Alvarado: Major
Chuck Connors: Senator Morris
Directed By: Stelvio Massi
Written By: Roberto Leoni
Release Date: August 18, 2009
Not Rated

Ok, so the first thing I should say is that this is not a sequel to The Inglorious Bastards, the macaroni combat classic that inspired Quentin Tarantino's recent film. That label was apparently attached just to cash in on the name. I'm guessing it was done for this DVD release. The film is called Hell's Heroes (Eroi dell'inferno), and is only connected to The Inglorious Bastards because its alternate title at one point was Hell's Heroes. You can only find its listing by typing in "Hell's Heroes." This DVD release consists of 4 films on one disc, and were released by the same company that compiled the Dragon Immortal, so you know what to expect. In case you wanted to know the names of the other films, they are: Warbus II, Bridge to Hell, and Apocalypse Mercenaries. Since I am not watching all four films in this set, I should not do a formal DVD review.

Where to start? The story takes place during the Vietnam War, and if a legitimate sequel was made to The Inglorious Bastards, Vietnam would have been a neat setting, but this would not have been the result. The fighting just kind of begins with Sgt. Darkin leading the charge through the jungle. The problem is Darkin is hamstrung because of his soldiers being new recruits and his superior officer not believing in his warnings that the Viet Cong are planning something big. So a Senator arrives via army boat, and then ends up getting blown to bits by a bomb. This causes Darkin to be sent to a military prison after he verbally bashed the war effort, and knocks out one of his guards. Darkin is in this prison for all of 10 minutes, long enough that his fellow prisoners have confidence in him to escape as a team. He is joined by an eclectic group of guys. We have Feather, who punched a referee in the nuts during a boxing match. He is played by Fred Williamson. The rest are aptly named Trash, Bronx, and Nose.

The bulk of the film is still a mystery to me because the quality of this transfer is as poor as humanly possible. The source is obviously VHS, and the image is cropped at the bottom to cut off subtitles. The "Bastards" sneak around at night, and in some sequences, I truly have no idea what is happening. Now, I'm not dumb, so I put the pieces together. For instance, after attacking a VC base for weapons, it looked as if they entered a room and snuck around for something, but I can only assume it was for a gun. There was also a scene where they steal a truck, and all I could discern were the headlights and maybe blackened figures scampering about. Darkin is a Vietnam expert because he can spot a trip wire like nobody's business. We see him do this half a dozen times at least. I got the idea the first time Darkin! The action is passable I suppose when I could see it, and an oil fire at the 60 minute mark was the best part of this disastrous garbage.

Fred Williamson is at least a familiar face that makes this 90 minute journey less torturous. Chuck Connors, from Soylent Green and the TV show The Rifleman is the Senator, and boy did he deserve to get blown up. Don't trust a kid who drops flowers and then sprints away! Funny enough, his body ends up missing, and they lead us believe that he did not die, but of course he did, and it is never mentioned again. The dubbing is bad, but not as bad as it could have been, and I might be more inclined to give a higher rating if Director Stelvio Massi (surprisingly not on AFI call list) had realized that lighting is important so the viewer can see the action. In one moment, after the oil fire, a score can be heard, but then it stops suddenly. Wow, that rousing music really got me amped for the 30 seconds it played. The funniest scene is when Darkin enters the prison, and a bunch of guards line up and each punch him as he walks through a gauntlet. The punches are so flimsily thrown and Miles O'Keefe exaggerates the pain so much that one can't help but chuckle. This is available at Best Buy and other stores as Inglorious Bastards 2: Hell's Heroes. It is only $10, but do not buy it because it's not worth half that.

Final Rating = 3.5/10.0

The News Bulletin

A Better Destination
BOX OFFICE TOP TEN
1. The Final Destination - $28.3 million ($28.3 million)
2. Inglorious Basterds - $20 million ($73.7 million)
3. Halloween 2 (2009) - $17.4 million ($17.4 million)
4. District 9 - $10.7 million ($90.8 million)
5. G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra - $8 million ($132.4 million)
6. Julie and Julia - $7.4 million ($70.9 million)
7. The Time Traveler's Wife - $6.7 million ($48.1 million)
8. Shorts - $4.8 million ($13.5 million)
9. Taking Woodstock - $3.7 million ($3.7 million)
10. G-Force - $2.8 million ($111.8 million)

I was ok with my picks except my #1 and #3 were switched in my predictions. Can't wait for the podcast after what I said during the last one. Glad to see Basterds continuing to do fabulous business. I think the Halloween franchise has seen its last sunrise. If a third one was does happen (as has been announced), it would be scraping the bottom of the barrell. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre reboots only lasted until 2 installments, and this one looks to be headed down the same path. I think Final Destination did better because it really doesn't require much of an attention span. You watch people die, and that's about it. This is the franchise for groups of young kids who prefer to talk during the film. As I just saw Julie & Julia last night, and the theater was pretty crowded, it is no surprise that it is still around. A total bomb for Ang Lee with Taking Woodstock. He needs to really think hard about his next project. Amazingly, Shorts has not instantly fallen off the radar. The rest are holdovers. Next week is tough, so expect my concrete answer on the podcast, but Gamer is getting pushed hard, so that is my pick for now.






Spielberg the Pirate
Steven Spielberg is set to develop a film based on the late Michael Crichton's posthumously published novel "Pirate Latitudes" reports USA Today. Set for release in bookstores around Thanksgiving, the adventure yarn is set off the coast of Jamaica in 1665. The story involves a daring plan to infiltrate Port Royal, one of the world's richest and most notorious cities, and raid a Spanish galleon filled with treasure. Screenwriter David Koepp, who adapted Crichton's novels for Jurassic Park and its sequel "The Lost World," also has signed on to write the script.

Spielberg plans to produce and is considering directing, but will wait on Koepp's script before making any decision. The early 1970's and mid-late 1990's saw a wave of Crichton books becoming films as "The Andromeda Strain," "The Terminal Man," "Congo," "Rising Sun," "Sphere," "Disclosure" and "Timeline". However various novels of the late author remain on the shelf despite previous attempts to adapt some of them including "Airframe," "Prey," "Next" and his controversial "State of Fear".
-From Dark Horizons

Is it impossible for Spielberg to finish his Lincoln biopic, or will that project be his equivalent to Tarantino's Inglorious Basterds? So, if Koepp's script sucks, what will Steven say? "Uh, David, this really is below my level. I'll give it to Michael Bay." Call me crazy, but the premise does not thrill me, and I'd be amazed if Spielberg directed it. He already was fortunate that fate stepped in and prevented the Harvey remake. This is another wrong move. Why? Because Crichton novels have not generally made solid films. There are a few exceptions. Jurassic Park was fine, but sequels have hurt it. Disclosure was ok too, and I still appreciate Twister if for no other reason than Philip Seymour Hoffman. But much of his work translated to the screen turns out bad. Spielberg's focuses lately baffle me, but oh well. I've had my fix of pirates.






Criterion Updates!!
The French Lieutenant's Woman– Another selection from MGM's catalog, you can expect this from Criterion next year. Starring Meryl Streep and Jeremy Irons, this film of parallel narratives contains a film-within-a-film and was nominated for five Academy Awards. Fred Zinneman, John Frankenheimer, Richard Lester and Mike Nichols all tried and failed to adapt John Fowles' tricky novel until British director Karel Reisz and celebrated writer Harold Pinter managed to wrap their brains around it.

Charlie Chaplin – Mulvaney has confirmed the circulating rumors that the Criterion Collection is in discussions to acquire the rights to the Charlie Chaplin library. There are no details on titles or release dates at this time.

Stagecoach – Mulvaney confirms that the John Ford title hinted at this summer in the Criterion Collection newsletter, is indeed "Stagecoach." The release of this massively influential western and beloved John Wayne film will be the first to utilize the restoration work done by UCLA.

Akira Kurosawa– Hinted in last month's newsletter, Mulvaney confirms that a massive 25 film box set is slated to be released by the end of the year and just in time for the 100th anniversary of the the Japanese grandmaster's birth in 2010.

Revanche – The DVD release of Janus Films' surprising acquisition of this Austrian Academy Award nominated film will be released in early 2010.

Underworld & The Docks Of New York – Though not currently on the schedule, Mulvaney confirms we can expect to see both of these long awaited Josef von Sternberg silents sometime in 2010.

Scorsese's short films – long rumored to be released soon, there are unfortunately no plans to release Martin Scorsese's early short films. We'll have to fire up the bootlegs in the interim.

IFC – "A Christmas Tale" and "Gomorrah" – both coming in November – are just two titles in a twelve-picture deal with IFC. While Mulvaney was mum on the other films in the works, we can tell you Antichrist will probably not be one of them, but let's not forget "Che" is an IFC film in case you had any doubts that the "rumors" weren't true. One of our wishes and best guesses knowing their taste? The excellent IFC film, "Summer Hours" by Oliver Assayas that seems very much up the Criterion Collection's alley. It's one our favorite films of 2009 thus far.

Warner Brothers – Despite the studio's indication in a Home Theater Forum chat earlier this year that they were discussing licensing a "limited group of titles at the behest of their respective directors", we hoped there were some Warner's titles on the way, but Mulvaney let us know there is nothing on the schedule currently.

Focus Features - A director's cut of Ang Lee's "Ride With The Devil," is also scheduled for a release in May. This is the third title licensed from Focus Features following the recently released Last Days Of Disco by Whit Stillman and Mira Nair's Monsoon Wedding which will hit shelves in October. For now, we will have to wait and see if any further titles are coming from this new relationship with Focus, but it's a promising start.

But that's not all...Mulvaney did talk to us about several exciting titles that as of press time we are unable to disclose as discussions for these films are ongoing and not quite finalized. We will continue to stay in touch with the good people at Criterion and let you know as soon as we're permitted to write about it.
-From The Playlist

Though I did not think The French Lieutenant's Woman was a perfect film, a release from Criterion will be spectacular, and worthy of a second look. But the big news is the possibility of Chaplin on Criterion. It is a film buff's wet dream come true. I already own City Lights, but can you imagine better transfers of The Gold Rush, Modern Times, and The Great Dictator? I hope that deals comes through. Stagecoach is an odd pick because that was just re-released in a massive John Ford/John Wayne box set. It has a 2-Disc Special Edition for $11 on Amazon, so why do we need it again just for the new transfer? That picture quality must be outstanding. The Kurosawa box set represents something I will never have the money for. The 12 picture deal with IFC is exciting though. I have my fingers crossed for Che because all we have now are two separate Blockbuster exclusive releases that suck. Criterion needs to release this! I had never heard about the Scorsese short film rumor, but it is unfortunate that we will not get to see them anytime soon. And I can't wait for A Christmas Tale and Gomorrah before year's end. Stay tuned to more Criterion updates.






Zombies and Blobs
Now he's reinvented Halloween, Rob Zombie is set to remake another horror classic - the 1958 flick The Blob. Variety reports that he'll produce and direct the movie, and that Zombie has an original take on the story. "My intention is not to have a big red blobby thing - that's the first thing I want to change," the director said. "That gigantic Jello-looking thing might have been scary to audiences in the 1950s, but people would laugh now." He went on: "I'd been looking to break out of the horror genre, and this really is a science fiction movie about a thing from outer space. I intend to make it scary, and the great thing is I have the freedom once again to take it in any crazy direction I want to." Studio Dimension has set the budget at the $30m mark, and work has already begun on the script.
-From IGN

Umm, how does he plan to change the jello thingy if he plans to remake the film? The movie is called The Blob, so you need a blob. How about remaking The Invisible Man without the invisible man? Rob Zombie should do the opposite of a remake after Halloween I & II. What happened to Tyrannosaurus Rex? Initially he was going to pass on Halloween II for that project, but he then accepts the sequel, and now wants more remakes? Rob, you have proven yourself as a filmmaker, and you are capable of giving us original material. The Blob franchise is better left dead. The original, though regarded as a classic, is lame. The sequel, Beware! The Blob was so bad it's good. The 1988 remake was actually tolerable with Johnny Drama. What more do we need? What will the title be?: The Thing Formerly Known as the Blob






More Detailed Shutter Island Updates
It's Hollywood bookkeeping gone nuts: A studio can increase its profits by not releasing a film. Hollywood was stunned when Paramount chair-CEO Brad Grey abruptly announced that Martin Scorsese's Leonardo DiCaprio thriller "Shutter Island" -- set to open in six weeks -- was being pushed back from Oct. 6 to Feb. 19. Grey was willing to risk angering DiCaprio and Scorsese, a personal friend, if it meant keeping fourth-quarter costs in check. Grey's decision immediately kicked up speculation that "Shutter Island" is troubled. That's always possible, but either way, the move underscores the level of economic pressure Paramount is facing. Though TV spots hadn't started, Par had already spent money on the outdoor campaign, and some magazines featured "Shutter Island" in their fall previews. "Nobody is going to move a movie six weeks prior to release if you don't have to. But by moving it, your earnings immediately go up because of all the money you aren't spending," a rival studio topper says.

Paramount has had a banner year in theaters, with roughly $1.2 billion in domestic B.O. revs (only Warner Bros. is ahead at $1.4 billion). Yet theatrical market share doesn't necessarily equal profitability as costs are obviously a big factor. Studio creatives and corporate bean counters are naturally suspicious of each other, but in perilous economic times, the bean counters' grip gets stronger. It's one thing to deliberately cut back on the number of titles a studio releases; it's another to make such a big change so late in the game. Talent billing doesn't get much bigger than Scorsese and DiCaprio. Accounting rules put in place a decade ago require studios to absorb the full cost of prints and marketing of a film in the quarter the pic is released. They're also required to absorb 20% of the production budget. Since "Shutter Island" would have been released in the final quarter of the fiscal year, Par wouldn't see any DVD or pay TV revenues until fiscal 2010.

In the case of "Shutter Island," the writedown could have been at least $26 million. Assuming the movie grossed $100 million at the box office, the studio would get $50 million back. But if the movie cost $60 million to market, Par's writedown would be $10 million plus 20% of the film's $80 million production budget. Paramount chair-CEO Brad Grey didn't mince words in announcing the pushback of "Shutter Island." "Our 2009 slate was greenlit in a very different economic climate and, as a result, we must remain flexible and willing to recalibrate and adapt to a changing environment. This is a situation facing every single studio as we all work through the financial pressures associated with the broader downturn," Grey said in a statement.

"Like every business, we must make difficult choices to maximize our overall success and to best manage Paramount's business in a way that serves Viacom and its shareholders while providing the film with every possible chance to succeed both creatively and financially," he continued. Move means that Paramount has only one film officially dated for the rest of the year: Peter Jackson's "The Lovely Bones," set to open Dec. 11. Unofficially, Par has decided to throw its support behind George Clooney dark comedy and awards hopeful "Up in the Air," directed by Jason Reitman. That film isn't yet dated. Rumors are that it will be released in early December, but Par says a date won't be decided upon until after the film makes its world premiere at the Toronto Film Festival. "Up in the Air" cost only a fraction of what "Shutter Island" did to produce, so Par insiders say the writedown would be less. Plus, the studio can use the fest circuit as a key part of its marketing campaign and awards push.

After years of overstuffing the pipeline, all the studios are having to reassess how many films is the right number, but Paramount's lineup through the end of the year is by far the leanest at any of the studios. In moving "Shutter Island" out of 2009, Par is borrowing a page from its own playbook: It made last-minute shifts last year, pushing back the release of Joe Wright's Robert Downey Jr.-Jamie Foxx drama "The Soloist" from Nov. 21, 2008, to March of this year. Par and DreamWorks knew the film wasn't an awards contender. Some assumed that a Scorsese-DiCaprio film would be certain kudos fodder. Released the same weekend in 2006 as "Shutter Island's" original October date, Scorsese's "The Departed" went on to win the Oscar for best picture. Other studios were stunned by Par's "Shutter Island" decision. "It's a bold move. We are talking about Martin Scorsese and Leonardo DiCaprio," says a rival studio exec.

No one has been as aggressive as Paramount about abruptly pulling a film so late in the game to shore up financials. But there have been other dramatic moves in recent years. Last August, after it had struck box office gold with "The Dark Knight," Warner Bros. announced it was pushing back the release of "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" from November 2008 to July 2009. Warners took a drubbing from fans upset over the decision but did it anyway. Releasing a movie in the fourth quarter of the calendar year always carries risk because of the accounting rules. "You have to be very careful about releasing adult dramas, especially when DVD revenues won't come in until the next year. Movies like 'Alvin and the Chipmunks' or 'Meet the Parents' are different because you'll build huge grosses quickly," the studio topper says. "All you get are two weeks of revenues." For now, Par is hoping that the February release date that proved so fruitful for "Silence of the Lambs" will be just as lucky for "Shutter Island," a macabre period thriller set in an insane asylum. "Following a highly successful 2009, we have every confidence that 'Shutter Island' is a great anchor to lead off our 2010 slate, and the shift in date is the best decision for the film, the studio and ultimately Viacom," Grey said.
-From Variety.

This honestly makes me sick. I realize that this is how studios work, but to make such drastic moves on a potentially great film solely for money and/or proving a point to other studios by having the balls to do it is ridiculous. Yes, Paramount has done this many times before, specifically with The Soloist. But we are comparing a Joe Wright drama with Jamie Foxx and Robert Downey Jr. to a Martin Scorsese thriller with Leonardo DiCaprio and Ben Kingsley. Even the worst Scorsese effort is better than most filmmakers' best. Plus, The Soloist had kinks in its armor from the trailer. That was a mediocre film. This is Scorsese we're talking about, and with Leo, his last 3 films have been top awards contenders. For a February flick to then be nominated for the following year, would be tough. But I have said some of that already. What really bothers me is now I will have to deal with the people that immediately think a film being released early in the year has problems and is bad. No matter how good Shutter Island is, there will always be those folks who will look for the negative because now the perception is in their head that the film must have troubles since it was delayed. This is how the minds of many work. The difference of a few months can instantly change the mindset of the viewer, and subsequently doom a movie. It is not in Oscar season now, it is in a season where movies are usually poor. I have been looking forward to Scorsese's next for awhile, and I will continue to look forward to it, regardless of how this news makes it look.

The 20 Second Sermon

So guess what? We have loads of Batman 3 rumors, but I am not addressing any of them because I prefer not to spend my days pining for the next update. We need to move on. Filmmaker Mike Leigh (Vera Drake, Happy-Go-Lucky> has begun work on his new movie which brings back cast and crew regulars like Imelda Staunton. The story is being kept under wraps. Sounds good, Leigh's work is superb. Susan Sarandon is in talks to be the mother of LaBeouf's character in Wall Street 2: Money Never Sleeps. With Javier Bardem gone, I am still upset, and Sarandon can't change that. Vin Diesel is set to return for XXX: The Return of Xander Cage with Ericson Core. Core did fine on Invincible, but no one can salvage this franchise. And I love how Diesel was once too good for his crappy franchises, but now he is desperate, so he comes back. The Fox Network is developing a contemporary small screen take on the cult high school-set 1989 dark comedy Heathers. Well, at least it isn't a movie remake, but I'm sure this will bomb.

The DVD Release Rundown for September 1st

DVD Headline of the Week



Sin Nombre - This Central American/Mexico gang film is gripping, intense, and poignant all at the same time. Writer/Director Cary Fukunaga makes the viewer soak in this part of the world, and get to know its atmosphere better. I loved every part of this, and thought it ended near perfectly. Buyable

State of Play - This all-star line-up turns in admirable performances for this condensed version of the BBC mini-series. The plot is a bit rushed in spots, but the story has been updated well, the direction has creativity, and the experience is fulfilling overall. Rentable

Impact - No, this has nothing to do with TNA, but it does have Natasha Henstridge. The plot concerns an asteroid that collides with the moon, and all hell breaks loose. No thanks.

Sugar - From the creator of Half Nelson comes this story about a pitcher from the Dominican republic trying to fit in with the big leagues of America. I'd give it a rent.

Bring it On: Fight to the Finish - How many of these are there now? Does anyone notice? Does anyone care? These are important questions aren't they?

Tennessee - While Mariah is gaining positive buzz for the yet to be released Precious, this one slipped by everyone's radar. Not sure if I want to take the chance.

TNA: Slammiversary 2009 - Both King of the Mountain matches are supposed to be good, so I'll be adding this to my Netflix queue for sure.

Transformers: More Than Meets the Eye - This is the 3-part story arc detailing the beginning of the battle between good and evil on Earth. It also has 2 bonus episodes. What is the point of this release? G.I. Joe is doing the same thing with The M.A.S.S. device. Pointless.

Good Dick - A woman is addicted to porn, and a guy works in a video store. Stuff happens between them. It stars Jason Ritter. I think I'll fall asleep now.

The Evil That Men Do - This is a typical Bronson action vehicle, and since I'm a fan of Bronson, I'll eventually see this when I have the time. My lists fill up fast.

The Critic's Quickee

Inglorious Basterds - This is quintessential Tarantino. Anyone expecting endless violence and action, historical accuracy, or a less nods to film history needs to wake the hell up. The classic Tarantino elements are present, but they are used in an original fashion. This is easily one of my favorite films so far this year. It is divided into chapters, but all the plot threads come together eventually, and I thought it was outstanding. Tarantino has been talking about making this film since before he made the Kill Bill saga and then Grind House. Because of that, I was worried about how it would turn out, but my expectations were exceeded. The opening sequence is just masterfully done, especially when he circles around the room just before we see who is beneath the floorboards. That sequence also introduces Christoph Waltz, an actor who mainly starred in German films, but speaks multiple languages. He is the highlight of the picture. His way of being such a despicable villain without taking any eye-opening actions says a lot about his abilities. Brad Pitt is hilarious and terrific as Lt. Raine, and I think that was the point. Melanie Laurent was also wonderful as Shoshanna. The rest of the cast was fabulous as well. No one falls short. A lot of people are complaining about the story not spending enough time with the Basterds, but I say that, even if they did, how would it improve the film? They are simply soldiers, and we spend an adequate amount of time with each. Take the scene where we meet Hugo Stiglitz. His name pops up in big bold yellow lettering, but we never forget his name after that. That scene, and the scene explaining the film reels was intended to take you out of the film. He wanted to make sure everyone listened and understood those parts. Mike Meyers was good. I think the initial reaction will be for people to say he channeling Austin Powers, but aside from both characters being British, the comparisons stop there. The action that is included, along with the gore, is there for a reason. Tarantino never just throws shootouts or kills on to appease the masses. The underground bar sequence is a prime example. This was a riveting moment, and I really want that glass boot mug. As always, Tarantino's use of music is inventive. Watching Shoshanna put on her make-up was cool. This flick has so much energy, the conversations are so interesting and well crafted, and the film as a whole was constructed with so much passion, that you can't help but love it. I tried to write down every film title from Shoshanna's cinema because even the smallest details mean something to Tarantino. This is a war film, but the spaghetti western elements are very prevalent as well. I loved this movie. Final Rating = 10.0/10.0

Shorts - If I was an actor, and this project came across my desk, I would probably have done it. Written and Directed by Robert Rodriguez, this family film is comprised of six short stories that revolve around the same wishing rock. I was really looking forward to this after I heard the concept, and Rodriguez is no stranger to the kids genre, so I figured it would be effective. Well, for the most part, it was not. I appreciated that the acting was over the top because the premise is over the top. I mean, you have a wishing rock colored like a rainbow, so one should expect outlandishness. The problem is, there is a limit, and Rodriguez goes overboard on many occasions. For instance, you have two kids who have both arms broken, and they sit in detention trying to eat lunch, but can't. So one uses her foot, and it's one of those scenes where it's obviously not her foot, and I hate that. Adam Sandler did that in Zohan. You have walking alligators, giant boogers, a Siamese married couple, and plenty more hijincks. It all sounds stupid, but not all of the episodes are bad. Some of this could have been forgiven if the ending would have left a pleasant aftertaste, but it makes absolutely no sense at all, and is heavy handed to boot. The acting is fine. The cast of kids really try hard to make it an entertaining experience. Jimmy Bennett and Jolie Vanier are two stands out. Jolie Vanier plays a character called Helvetica Black, and her brother is Cole, and her father Carbon, which I found amusing. We also have Kat Dennings looking hot, and William H. Macy, Leslie Mann, and James Spader among others. If Rodriguez had pulled back a little on the material, it could have been ten times better because the CGI is very good. Unfortunately, this was more stupid than it was fun. Final Rating = 5.0/10.0

What Have I Done?

Monday - So I finally broke down and watched Gigli, and I have to say, the reputation that film has is almost completely idiotic. Don't get me wrong, the movie is bad, but it is not even close to being one of the worst films of all-time. The biggest flaw is J-Lo because her performance is terrible, but Ben Affleck is hilarious in an over the top fashion, and the appearances by Christopher Walken and Al Pacino are good. Those who claim this is the worst ever need to see more movies. Plain and simple.




Tuesday - I picked up a cheap copy of Cobra Starship's new album Hot Mess last week, and got a chance to listen to it on this day. I blind buy CD's regularly, and normally I have good aim, but not this time. I dug their tune on Snakes on a Plane, and the Viva La Cobra album was ok, but this is horrid. Call them what you will, emo, punk, or rock. They are none of the above. This is pop music, and that is that. Not only is it pop music, but lame pop, unoriginal, dull, and cheesy. What a disappointment this probably was to fans.







Wednesday - So I tried two new junk food items recently. The first was Mountain Dew Diet Ultra Violet, a new zero calorie soda that is actually not bad for those who enjoy Dew, but prefer something healthier. I'm sticking with the other flavors, but it was ok. The second is the new Hershey candy bar, Thingamajig, a brother to Whatchamacallit, one of my favorites. It is similar, but has different ingredients. I liked it, and recommend checking it out.






Thursday - You ever have one of those weeks where you feel tired all the time? For some reason that is what hit me this week. I tried to take extra naps to catch up on sleep, but nothing seems to help. It doesn't help that the weather lately around my neck of the woods has been ugly. Cloudy and/or rainy on many of the days, in addition to being hot and humid. Luckily the weekend was an improvement in the sleep department.






The Weekend - So this week the fiancée and I tried to go shopping for a kitten. We have been wanting to get a pet for awhile now, and the best option is a cat because they demand less attention than a dog. The results were not as good as we'd hoped. For all the places we visited, no great connection was made with any of the cats, so we decided to wait and try another day. I was shooting for a Siamese or a Spotted Bengal, but they are harder to come by. Oh well, we'll see what happens in the future.

Based on the Trailer…

Newest Trailers

Inception - Christopher Nolan's upcoming sci-fi mind trip film looks outstanding, and the cast is as good as it gets. A lot is still a mystery, but I'm psyched! Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

The Descent Part 2 - I love the first film, but this looks like more of the same, only with less competent direction, and more emphasis on the creatures. I hope this doesn't get much attention. I would hate to see the legacy of the first ruined by what looks like a sub-par sequel. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

The Damned United - Peter Morgan is a terrific screenwriter, and when he and Michael Sheen come together it usually means positive things. This is a soccer story with a superb cast, so I will certainly check it out even if I'm not a huge soccer fan. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Other Man - A story about an affair with Liam Neeson, Laura Linney, and Antonio Banderas. Richard Eyre directs this average looking film with some nice Banderas overacting. This is a big year for Neeson. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Rampage - This is a Uwe Boll film, and I don't think it's based on a game. Here's the wild twist: It doesn't look half bad. It actually could be ok. Did I really just write that? The story follows a guy who goes crazy on society. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The Burning Plain - From Guillermo Arriaga, the screenwriter of Babel is his feature debut as a director. This stars Charlize Theron and Kim Basinger. It looks kind of mediocre with a possible stand out performance or two, but Arriaga has talent, so I'll see this. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

The Blind Side - This trailer tugs at your heart strings, and Bullock looks to be trying in her performance for once. This could be a surprise hit, although Bullock's accent might get old. The trailer gives a bit too much away though. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

The Open Road - Jeff Bridges, Justin Timberlake, and Kate Mara star in this road movie. It looks incredibly melodramatic and irritating. I like the leads, but I doubt this is anything special. I feel like I can predict the ending from the trailer. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell - This film looks like the epitome of dumb, and I will also mention the bad timing. A bachelor party film after The Hangover with worse actors. Umm, most of us will never notice this come and go. Trailer Rating = 3.0/10.0

September Releases

Tyler Perry's I Can Do Bad All By Myself - This is just a teaser, but you know what you're getting when Madea is the main character of a film. This is what keeps Perry relevant, so logically he continues to make films with her. This is somewhat humorous, but nothing I'm interested in. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

9 - This looks amazing, and the Coheed & Cambria song in the background only makes me want to see it more. This will be a mighty tough year for Pixar to reign supreme in. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Beyond a Reasonable Doubt - A generic looking courtroom thriller complete with generic title. Jesse Metcalfe, or John Tucker from John Tucker Must Die is not a good actor, and aside from Michael Douglas outshining everyone as a scumbag attorney, I have no reason to see this. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Gamer - Call this similar to Death Race or The Condemned and I would still say it looks terrible, and the title makes it worse in my opinion. The cast is better than I would have predicted, and I will give credit for using Marilyn Manson's awesome cover of "Sweet Dreams." Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Surrogates - Here is another film that has the potential to be very good, or very bad. The director is Jonathan Mostow (Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines), so I hope this is solid. Bruce Willis looks bizarre, but maybe that's a positive, and the plot has echoes of other sci-fi flicks, but you never know, this might surprise us. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Jennifer's Body - This looks highly entertaining, and with Megan Fox and Amanda Seyfried acting in a Diablo Cody horror script, it should be awesome. It should have loads of that lingo all the men love from Juno. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Bright Star - This is a British period piece, so you know what to expect, but it stars Ben Wishaw, a brilliant actor, and the story seems fascinating, so I'll see it. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

The Invention of Lying - This is going to be hilarious from start to finish. I'm a huge Ricky Gervais fan, and I can't wait to see this. The cast is terrific, and the premise is creative. Trailer Rating = 10.0/10.0

Extract - Mike Judge is delivering another comedy set in the workplace, and I can't wait. Ben Affleck has a cool look going on, and Jason Bateman is usually golden in comedies these days, so this should be terrific. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Carriers - This trailer wants to disguise the fact that it is another mediocre "infected" movie badly. And it gives way too much information away. I feel like I know how it ends now. Chris Pine was great as Kirk, but here….not so much. I'll pass. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Astro Boy - A lot of bright colors, fancy CGI, an all-star cast, and not much else. I realize fans of the many TV series' will be excited, but this character just translates as ordinary to the big screen. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

Fame - This looks…..just like every other dance flick we've seen in the past decade, only this is a musical. Yay. The Wayans are parodying movies likes this for goodness sakes! This is a skip it, and I'm not talking about the girl toy from the 90's. Trailer Rating = 2.5/10.0

October Releases

Zombieland - This looks hysterical, and very much in the vein of Shaun of the Dead, but that's ok because Woody Harrelson rocks, and if he's killing zombies, I'm paying for a ticket. Nuff said. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Cirque de Freak: A Vampire's Assistant - I suppose a quirky horror comedy like this looks hilarious and fascinating to some, but it looks incredibly lame and dull to me. Aside from the effects, I have little interest in this, and John C. Reilly can do better. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

New York, I Love You - The first film, Paris, Je T'aime was one of the best films in recent memory that few knew about. So I am very excited about this second installment. The cast and directors look amazing. It should be a terrific experience. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Capitalism: A Love Story - This was a very funny teaser. It is typical Moore comedy, but I appreciated the way it was set up. No one gets the world interested in documentaries (or whatever you call Moore's stuff) like he does. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Capitalism: A Love Story (2) - This looks like typical Moore shtick with humorous stunts intermingled with important points. I do not see him evolving as a documentarian, and although he informs the people on relevant issues, he should change his style every now and then. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Where the Wild Things Are - I know this production had loads of trouble, but this looks outstanding by the trailer. I can't wait to see it. The creatures look good and Spike Jonze usually doesn't disappoint. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

Whip It! - The directorial debut of Drew Barrymore looks like loads of fun actually, and it has my main gal Ellen Page in it, so I'm definitely seeing it. And my God, Daniel Stern is in this! It's about damn time he did something new. The plot looks good, and they use a Weezer song, so it gets my approval. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

The Box - Ok, my feelings on Richard Kelly and Donnie Darko are well known now, but tell me with a straight face this trailer does not make you laugh a little. They actually use the line "Is someone pushing you buttons?" in reference to the box. This does seem somewhat intriguing, but I would put money on it being horrendous. Trailer Rating = 5.5/10.0

The Stepfather - I must admit, this does not look as bad as I thought, but it still looks to have some issues. This film keeps the real father and adds a couple kids. I'll certainly see this, but am not sure how good it will be yet. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

More than a Game - If this focuses on the entire high school team, and not just LeBron James, it could be a very decent documentary. The trailer certainly spreads the wealth, so that's good. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

An Education - This British drama could go either way. It stars Peter Sarsgaard, and I like to see him getting juicer roles. The rest of the cast seems strong too, including Emma Thompson and Alfred Molina. Depending on how easy this is to see in theaters, I'd give it a shot. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Antichrist Lars Von Trier, the director of Dogville and Manderlay, is behind this new psychological thriller/horror effort. It just might be decent, but with Willem Dafoe, one never can tell. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

A Serious Man - The new film by the Coen brothers looks...well...weird, but then again, most of their films do. I like how they are not using many of their regular actors here. It doesn't matter what the plot is, I'm seeing this definitely. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Amelia - I am anxious to see this since I've researched the history a little bit. The cast looks tremendous, so it should be terrific. The various words at the end of the trailer were lame, but otherwise this has me excited. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

The Road - This is based on a Cormac McCarthy novel, the same person who wrote the book to No Country for Old Me. I had no idea this was about the end of civilization. I am disappointed somewhat, but it could be good since Viggo and Charlize are the leads. These types of storylines always have the potential to be terrible though. The release date for this has already been pushed a number of times. I hope the final cut is better than this trailer. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Couples Retreat - This looks to be very funny, and hopefully the comedy is leveled out and not left up to Vaughn's typical shtick. Of course this trailer shows mostly him. Still, for people around the ages of the characters, this will be a definite date night. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Saw VI - The poster ad was very cool, but this teaser is not. Actually, it is very disappointing and uncreative unlike the rest of the marketing campaign. I am still of fan of the series, so I hope this sequel delivers. Trailer Rating = 5.5/10.0

November Releases

Precious - This is about how life can be very hard sometimes. The cast includes Mariah Carey and Mo'Nique, both of whom look to be outstanding, and I can't believe I just wrote that, but it's true. See for yourself. This looks to be a winner. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

The Fantastic Mr. Fox - This film looks like a blast, and the animation looks outstanding. Wes Anderson uses many of his regulars here, which is fine, but George Clooney does not have a good voice for animation. Everytime I hear him I picture his face. Oh well, I'll definitely see this. Trailer Rating = 8.5/10.0

The Boat that Rocked - I love music, so this is right up my alley. It's about a radio station on a boat, one that helped give rock music to the world. It stars Philip Seymour Hoffman and Nick Frost. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Ninja Assassin - This looks certifiably awesome. The kid at the beginning of this trailer should beat up the kid from The Last Airbender. I am for action films, but when you include throwing stars and chains, I am amped. I can't wait to see this. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

Planet 51 - This could be a fairly amusing CGI film. The animation looks nice, but this has few voices, and no real clue as to how funny it will be. I am still unsure, but it might be good, and it might not. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Old Dogs - John Travolta and Robin Williams lead an all-star cast in a comedy from the director of Wild Hogs. This will make a lot of money. I think it looks dumb and over the top, but it might be worth a laugh or two. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

The Twilight Saga: New Moon - Boy does this look retarded. The sequels will no doubt increase the hatred for this series. The were-wolf morphing is truly retarded. I say pass. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

2012 (2) - This looks insane, but right up Roland Emmerich's alley. The special effects look incredible, but plot seems to be an exact replica of the last 20 disaster epics. Still, the powerful images will probably be enough to drag me to the theater. Trailer Rating = 6.0/10.0

Broken Embraces - The new drama from Pedro Almodovar. It looks appropriately strange, but that's not unusually for him. Penelope Cruz looks good as always, but I am not as fond of Pedro as others. Still, I'm sure I'll see this. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Nine - The new musical from Rob Marshall (Chicago) looks to be infused with Fellini-esque qualities, which is a good thing. The cast certainly qualifies for the all-star label, and story looks entertaining, so I'm there. This should be fantastic. I mean come on, Dame Judi Dench and Daniel Day-Lewis are just the tip of the iceberg. This is one of my most anticipated for 2009. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

December, TBD, and Beyond Releases

Tron: Legacy - Gimme a hell yeah! I can't wait for this. I loved the original, and after seeing Jeff Bridges act like a bad a$$, I am so there. I hope the CGI is as outstanding as it looks. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Sherlock Holmes - Guy Ritchie is sending mixed signals with this one. I am anxious to see it, but this trailer shows an action film, and call me old fashioned, but I kind of prefer the mystery to outweigh the action. However, Rachel McAdams looks damn sexy and Kurrgan is involved, so those are both positive points. Trailer Rating = 6.5/10.0

Alice in Wonderland - This trailer pushes Depp as the star, but his character is not in the story for very long. Oh well, it looks pretty good, but Burton needs to lay off the Charlie and the Chocolate Factory bright colors. Still, I love the Disney film, and if this is weirder, I'm game. Traiuler Rating = 7.5/10.0

The Book of Eli - An action flick starring Denzel Washington with a machete and Gary Oldman as the villain (I assume). Who says good ideas are dead? This is from the Hughes Brothers, a very underrated directing team. This movie looks very tubular. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

The Lovely Bones - This is my most anticipated film of the year, and it looks great, although the trailer does have some melodramatic acting, but still, the cast is terrific, and the special effects look magnificent. I really hope this turns out well. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Dorian Gray - Excuse me while I laugh at the ridiculousnes of this trailer. You have a British costume drama laced, complete with pretentious acting, laced with horror? They even have a line that says "If I tell you, I'd have to kill you." Pass. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Hot Tub Time Machine - I have to admit, this looks as hysterical as it does stupid. This is the red band trailer, which makes it look ten times better than any lame regular one. John Cusack should do more comedies like this. I'm game. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Avatar - Well, I wasn't knocked off my seat or anything, but the film certainly looks entertaining, the effects look great, and the story is intriguing. The only thing that threw me was the appearance of the aliens, which looks weird, but otherwise I'm still excited for this. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

The Wolfman - It reminds me of the Bram Stoker's Dracula and Mary Shelly's Frankenstein remakes, which is fine I guess. Benicio should be awesome, Hopkins is Hopkins, and the rest is average to me. It could go either way, but I'll see it for sure. Trailer Rating = 7.0/10.0

Sorority Row - Wow, this looks like putrid trash. It even copies the bulk of its story from I Know What You Did Last Summer, which is not a good thing, and then you have Carrie Fisher for no reason. Pass. Trailer Rating = 2.5/10.0

Legion - It is hard to take this concept seriously when an old lady goes demon berserk in the first clip. The premise of angels attacking is thought provoking, but the execution seems unfocused and interested in CGI mostly. Paul Bettany is an underrated talent, but this looks mediocre at best. Trailer Rating = 5.0/10.0

When in Rome - Mark Steven Johnson gives us a romcom that looks terrible by this trailer. Kristin Bell and Josh Duhamel star in this sappy looking film with a bad story twist. Will Arnett and some of the supporting characters look humorous, but that's about it. Trailer Rating = 4.0/10.0

Brothers - From Jim Sheridan, the man who gave us In America and Get Rich or Die Tryin'. Gyllenhaal rocks a beard, Natalie Portman has long hair again, and Tobey Maguire plays an insane soldier. I cannot wait to see this, though I do need to see the original. One of the best trailers I've seen this year. Trailer Rating = 9.0/10.0

Giallo - An intriguing horror mystery from Dario Argento, which looks to be solid by the looks of it. Adrien Brody seems odd in the role from these clips, but I'd certainly see this just because Argento is at the helm. Trailer Rating = 7.5/10.0

Daybreakers - A world where almost everyone is a vampire. This story actually seems intelligent, whereas most vampire plots these days are crap. Ethan Hawke seems to be channeling his Gattaca roots here. The song from Placebo is very effective in the trailer also. Trailer Rating = 8.0/10.0

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--From the movie Recount