Ten Deep 09.17.09: Threequels

Posted by Owain J. Brimfield on 09.17.2009

It's the natural progression from a column about sequels, really. See if there are as many great threequels as sequels that stack up in the latest Ten Deep! And yes, I hate the term 'threequel' just as much as you.





Welcome to week 47 of 'Ten Deep'! In a slightly poetic twist, this is the sequel to last week's column but this time we'll be looking at threequels. Great, eh? But first, to business, and some:

Reactions and interactions

Firstly, step forward the following commenters: BadNews, DangerousK, Guest#6526, Frank, duh, AFan, guest, lester b. cakes and Dane

You are colossal fools. That is all.

Said colossal fools seem divided equally into those who can't read, and thus missed the whole paragraph in underlined text where I explained why The Godfather Part II would be excluded and that anyone who didn't read that opened themselves to ridicule, and those who think because I haven't seen it my opinion is "null and void", to quote one of them. To better illustrate the "quality" of these colossal fools' thought processes, duh then goes on to suggest, with a straight face, that I should have included Babe: Pig in the City, and guest thinks that Godfather II is the only sequel that's ever won an Oscar. Kudos to Dane who at least got his four brain cells working overtime and tried to come up with some form of argument, rather than simply passing unthinking judgment from his mighty throne like the others:

"This is ridiculous. Know what you do if you haven't seen one of the movies that are bound to make the list? You go see them!! .. Why not delay the column a few weeks?"

Of course, I could have done that... actually there were a few sequels I haven't seen that could have made the list more comprehensive, so I'd better delay that column till I can watch them. Of course, that means delaying this week's column too since it's thematically similar. Guess I could do the next topic I have scheduled instead... oh wait, there are a few movies I could do with seeing to make that one more complete, too. And the next column. And the next. And the next. Geez, I guess I'd better suspend the column till I've seen every film you think I should see, right? After all, cinema would be much better if everyone watched exactly the same films.

This is what we philosophers call a reductio ad absurdum, which is really a fancy way of saying "your argument sucks". As castmeastheriddlerchris also points out:

"I think it's a bit harsh to criticise someone for not having seen certain films... I'm sure a lot of those carping on about not seeing Godfather II haven't seen a lot of (to some) amazing films and wouldn't expect to be chastised for those."

Exactly. And no, actually, I don't remember watching Man Bites Dog... weird.

Anyway, thusly humiliated, colossal fools, go home and think about what you've done while I get on with the rest of the feedback.

Actually, before I do, thanks to Guest#7953 who quickly dispatches a number of other comments...

"Why are people listing sequels of sequels when this is about sequels... not the sequel of sequels"

Quite right. That's what this week's column is for!

Elsewhere, Joseph Lee implies I copied his column idea... would I do such a thing, Joseph? For shame! *runs to hide notes and delete all traces of browsing history*

James suggests that playing with structure is one of Nolan's hallmarks, but I think that's different when applied to, say, The Prestige, which relies heavily on the disjointed structure, than when looking at The Dark Knight, which is largely conventional from a storytelling point of view in terms of structure but still manages to lose its flow from time to time.

A quality suggestion from YepYep, From Russia With Love. I could try and argue the case that it's not a direct sequel or something, but fair play, that one should really have made the list.

Malik has a brilliant list of alternative suggestions which made me chortle no end, thanks for that good sir.

neverAcquiesce reckons Memento is better than The Dark Knight. Controversial! Any takers?

There's little to explain about this week's list, it makes sense following on from a "best sequels" list, although apologies in advance if this turns out to be a little too similar to last week's column. Threequels have an even dodgier reputation than sequels in terms of maintaining a series' quality, so it'll be interesting to see just how many good ones we can find. And yes, I despise the term 'threequel', just like I hate 'quadrilogy', but it's a lot more practical to keep using than 'second sequel'. Hey, at least there'll be no one clamoring that I should have included Godfather III... right?

Oh, and for what it's worth, I apologize in advance that I just don't get along with Army of Darkness. Feel free to throw all your mockery my way for that one as I'm well aware it's deserved and it's one of the few films I actually feel genuinely bad about disliking.


As always, there's one golden rule: if I haven't seen it, it's not allowed on the list.

This week's golden rule notable omissions: A Nightmare on Elm Street 3, Infernal Affairs 3, Rocky III, Shrek the Third, Sympathy for Lady Vengeance





Honorable mention: Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban

I'm no big fan of the Potter movies, but this was the best in the series thus far.

10. Mission: Impossible III

I'd actually hoped that M:I 3 was simply going to be slotted in as an honorable mention by virtue of Philip Seymour Hoffman's wonderfully hammy performance as the bad guy, whose name escapes me right now. Unfortunately I could only find nine films I thought actually worthy of making the list itself, so here comes the Cruiser to make up the numbers. Where the first film was a low-key slice of screen subterfuge topped with an awesome helicopter/train set-piece, and the second film consisted solely of the nation's rubber mask-makers giggling in delight at the overwhelming quantities of their produce the filmmakers deemed it necessary to consume, the third entry in the loose trilogy is played in pretty straightforward fashion, with Ethan Hunt leaving the family life behind to save the girl and salvage his reputation from the clutches of Bourne and Bond. As we all know, though, J.J. Abrams is apparently incapable of doing anything less than decent when it comes to televisual media, so what could have been an exercise in diminishing returns turns out to be a surprisingly enjoyable actioner, helped in no small part by a remarkably hefty budget. Cruise does balls-to-the-wall action better than any other insane midget on the market right now, and while M:I 3 never hits the heights of, say, Minority Report in terms of providing substance to go along with the style, it remains a classy and flashy blockbuster. Plus, Hoffman's snarling turn elevates his antagonist above the generic action baddie stereotype, proving that despite his uncanny resemblance to one of those base-weighted clown dummies you had as a kid that you'd punch over and it'd spring right back up (no? Just me then), he's actually believably nasty when he sets his mind to it. I'm not exactly clamoring for M:I 4, but the third film in the series does nicely for a couple of hours of mindless popcorn entertainment.

9. Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

A lot of people seem down on Rise of the Machines, which is something that's always confused me. Sure, there's no way it lives up to the standards set by James Cameron's first two films in the franchise, classics both, but what it does offer is a neat addition to the canon timeline and a pleasing blast of SF-action. While the film could certainly have benefited from being made several years earlier - Arnie hasn't exactly aged as gracefully as a cyborg in the intervening years - it's still pretty effective as a Terminator flick and, satisfyingly, not above self-parody, as witnessed in the retread of T2's biker scene with a bit of a feminist twist. Despite the dull villain, who you have to think was shoe-horned into the mix because someone thought up the name 'Terminatrix' and decided it was to cool to drop, Jonathan Mostow directs the action scenes with aplomb, with the car chase featuring Arnie hanging from the back of a crane and plowing through a series of buildings being particularly impressive. Arguably more so though is that (admittedly with a few scenes of heavy exposition) the events of T3 add to and enrich the complex time travel storyworld of the previous flicks, at least until you try and cram the subsequent Sarah Connor Chronicles in on top of it. While Nick Stahl may not exactly make for the most charismatic John Connor (a shame, as the guy can be on top of his game when he wants to be, check out Bully if you've never seen it), he has enough chemistry with Claire Danes that their various travails and the film's fiendishly clever final twist work well on the screen. Still, if you want charisma, Arnie still has it in spades, proving that even in his 50s the Governator remains the coolest action hero of all, and that T3 retains enough of its predecessors' magic to be worthy of recommendation.

8. Back to the Future Part III

This one should make the list for Michael J. Fox's hilarious attempt at portraying his own Irish ancestor, a work of (somewhat unintentional) comic genius unparalleled in, well, the history of Michael J. Fox. Anyway, the ridiculous comedy stylings of Seamus McFly aside, the third and final entry in the Back to the Future trilogy (although surely it's not long now before some slavish Hollywood underling suggests a reboot to his mighty studio overlords) is quite a different beast to its predecessors, sending the action back into the Wild West with all the childish impunity it can muster, and daring you not to be entertained by Marty's attempts to help Doc Brown harness time travel using the mighty power of steam locomotion. It's pretty much a big screen version of a playground game of 'Cowboys & Indians' with a big old schoolboy helping of time travel thrown in for good measure. It works, though - there's been enough goodwill engendered by the previous two films that we're willing to forgive Part III's forays into the ludicrous and instead enjoy them for what they are, nothing more than a genuine attempt to entertain. Thankfully, for what the film may lack in terms of intellectual content (even if the concept of giving Emmett a love interest works surprisingly well), it loses none of the series' sense of the fantastic, and it's as giddily enjoyable as its prequels from start to finish, even if it really wasn't all that necessary to actually make. Of course, that sense of creative freedom isn't taken to the extreme, and it doesn't diminish Marty's eventual reunion with his (confusingly recast) lady friend, or Doc Brown's presumed voyages into the ether aboard his magic steam train, which combine to form a perfectly neat conclusion to the trilogy. It's by no means as classic as the first film, and it doesn't have hoverboards, but BttF 3 is still gloriously entertaining in its own right.

7. Day of the Dead

Another week, another Romero (next week: best fourquels, featuring Land of the Dead... or not). I don't think I've actually highlighted Day of the Dead individually before, though, so I do have an excuse other than blanket coverage for all the man's old zombie films. Day is a film that's remarkably bleak, even by the standards of its two predecessors, which despite showing a country slowly being overrun and overpowered by the undead did offer glimmers of hope. The third flick in the trilogy, though, takes the negative-ometer and rams it into overdrive - this may well be one of the darkest films ever made, and for that reason it'd probably make my hypothetical top three scariest films (along with The Thing and maybe The Shining). Taking the zombie onslaught theory and running with it for some time after the events of Dawn of the Dead, Day relegates the action to a military bunker utterly surrounded by ghouls on all sides, which is seemingly the only kind of stronghold that could be left standing in the country, perhaps the world. As is always the way, the army guys in charge come into constant and escalating conflict with the civilians (and the idiot scientist who thinks keeping a live zombie chained up is a good idea), and the tension that builds as a result of this dichotomy is almost unbearable by the point that the unthinkable/inevitable happens and the bunker's walls are breached. While the previous films relied more on the visceral horror of the zombie attacks to build the suspense, Day is more in tune with the nihilistic world view that escape just isn't really possible when you're knee deep in the dead. Of course, that doesn't stop the gory moments from shining too, key among which comes when Cpt. Rhodes is literally torn asunder by marauding zombies... nasty. Is it better than its prequels? Hard to say, but it's certainly up there, and more than worthy of inclusion on its own merits.

6. Return of the Jedi

I might as well get this out of the way: Return of the Jedi is my favorite film of all time. That doesn't mean I consider it the best film of all time though, and as evidenced by its placement here, it simply means I'll show it a little bit more bias than I would any other film. That out of the way, pretty much the only reason anyone ever gives as to why RotJ has a less than stellar reputation when compared to its predecessors, is "Ewoks". However, regardless of the debatable merits of the furry little buggers - and I personally think they're great (besides, Jar-Jar Binks makes the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft) - let's take them out of the equation, and instead examine a film that does everything A New Hope and Empire did, just bigger and *cough* better. Oh, and before I forget, let's take that execrable musical number from Jabba's Palace in the Special Edition out of the picture, too. Anyway, those things aside, RotJ is where the saga comes full circle, with the final triumph of good over the Dark Side and complete with the greatest space battle ever committed to film. If the Battle of Endor and Luke's showdown with the Emperor don't represent one of the best final acts to a series ever seen, then I don't know what does. There's also the smaller scale moments, from Yoda's death to Leia quietly realizing that she made out with her brother in the last film, as well as the endless water-cooler philosophical ponderings, like just what was the Rebel Alliance's moral stance concerning all those contractors on board the Death Star? For building on the foundations laid down by Episodes IV and V and for capping off the greatest film trilogy ever, RotJ deserves your respect even if you do have a hatred for teddy bears that can inexplicably take down a legion of stormtroopers.

5. The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King

Or "the film of a thousand endings", as it should really be subtitled. Just be thankful they didn't try and find a way of cramming in Tolkien's appendices to really push things past the five hour mark. Anyway, if you're not a fan of the Rings trilogy then there's really no way you're going to like this, let alone agree that it's the best of the three, as a substantial portion of the film is devoted to tying up all the loose ends of the previous nine or ten hours worth of story, which is an epic undertaking in itself. Of course, there's also the Battle of Pelennor Fields to fit in, which despite the at times ropey CGI remains one of the great screen battles, not to mention the climax of Frodo's quest (and bumlove for Samwise) and the downfall of Sauron and all its associated consequences. Oh, and the titular return, which is actually somewhat underplayed, if that were conceivable in such a vast tapestry of a film. As is becoming somewhat of a recurring theme in this list, the smaller moments beneath all the relentless epic-ry still manage to shine through, most poignant of which is Pippin's song for Denethor while the Gondorians ride to their doom in Osgiliath. Having said that, Return of the King really is all about the bombast of drawing a twelve-hour cinematic story to a close, and when the death throes of Mordor have settled there's as big a collective exhaling of breath as you'll find in any of this week's films. Oh, and of course, there's also the fact the film is indirectly responsible for one of the bestest YouTube clips ever, which immediately earns it eleventy billion cool points:

4. The Bourne Ultimatum

The third Bourne flick seems to have become the byword in recent years for "good threequel", and it's an accolade that's well deserved, even of some that might be merited by its release in a period of time when there wasn't much competition for that title, save our previous entry. I'm still undecided as to whether Ultimatum outweighs its daddy Identity as the best spy flick of the decade, and I probably need to rewatch it before forming that judgment, but I can say for (almost) certain it's the best third film of the decade. Combining the best elements of the previous two films and fusing them into one wonderfully high-octane thriller packed with the best set-pieces of the trilogy (to wit, the horridly tense hunting of Paddy Considine's character through a packed train station, with its totally unexpected climax, and a foot chase through cramped buildings that proves you don't have to be in a vehicle to have a great cinema chase sequence). While the revelations of the final act may not quite live up to the standards of the rest, it's an admirable attempt to draw the series back to its beginnings and give a sense of closure, although of course it works just as well if they're going to go for a fourth movie after all (The Bourne Redundancy, right?). Critics like the chap from last week's comments section may well deride its abundance of shaky-cam and deviations from the source text, but the latter is just desperation for criticism, and the former, while a valid critique of a number of films, just doesn't apply here, with the handheld camera techniques honed even further than those displayed in Supremacy. As far as threequels bettering their former movies, there aren't many better examples than The Bourne Ultimatum. Well, there are three, but you'd already guessed that hadn't you.

3. Indiana Jones and the Last Crusade

The original Indiana Jones trilogy, seemingly more so than any other cinematic franchise, has constant debate rage as to the relative merits of its three films, but if any consensus can be found (and it's the one that I agree with), Last Crusade beats out Temple of Doom by a decent margin and comes in second to Raiders of the Lost Ark. Still, considering that Raiders may well be the best action-adventure film of all time, second best is still a pretty worthy ranking. For those who complained about the antics of latter-day fourquel Kingdom of the Crystal Skull going overboard with extra-terrestrial silliness, let's not forget that Last Crusade sees Indy getting Hitler's autograph and finding the Holy Grail (guarded by requisite centuries-old knight), which cures all ailments. Maybe the difference is that Last Crusade has just the right amount of tongue wedged firmly in its cheek to remain grounded in reality while still allowing for some excess here and there. It's helped in that respect by Sean Connery and Harrison Ford's bickering as father and son, the two of them as great a screen duo as you could wish for, and responsible for antics both comic and tragic (sometimes both at the same time, as in the wonderful scene where Henry thinks his son has gone over the edge of a cliff trying to take down a tank). Frankly any film sufficiently self-assured to manage to pull off a literal ride into the sunset as its final scene is worthy of any plaudits you can throw its way, even if you'd have to figure if anyone could pull that chestnut off it would be Senor Spielbergo. And as the feather in the cap, the film features Michael Sheard, the terrifying Mr. Bronson from beloved UK kids' show Grange Hill, as Hitler in a role he was surely born to play. Arguably the best "conclusion to a trilogy" threequel here, but for my money, not quite the best overall.

2. Die Hard With a Vengeance

I can't believe I nearly forgot about this one when compiling the list. I may have been spoiled by living for a while with another guy who also thought that ...With a Vengeance was more entertaining than the original Die Hard, but I'm still convinced that's the case, hence its surprisingly high inclusion here. Sure, it's technically an inferior movie to its daddy, and nowhere near as important an action movie, but damned if it isn't super-satisfying to watch. Teaming Bruce Willis with Samuel L. Jackson was an inspired move, with Jackson's irate shopkeeper Zeus Carver being about the only man you could think of as providing a suitable sidekick to John McClane, and their fiery interactions recalling the glorious tandem of Willis and Wayans in The Last Boy Scout. You know this isn't your dad's action movie near the start when McClane pops out of a police van in Harlem, wearing nothing but his pants and a giant billboard reading "I Hate Niggers" to preserve his modesty, if not his health. Given that this follows a giant department store explosion to cap off the opening credits, it's clear from the outset that this isn't going to be subtle. The frantic game of 'Simon Says' that lead villain Jeremy Irons (campest bad guy ever?) plays with our heroic duo leads to a frenetic charge around New York with explosions and bullets flying hither and thither, as McClane tries to unearth the meat of the baddies' plot, which turns out to be surprisingly complex for a supposedly brainless actioner. With Willis in the lead as one of cinema's most likeable unintentional heroes, the fact the movie runs to nearly two and a half hours goes by unnoticed, and for my money Die Hard With a Vengeance remains one of the best action movies of the 90s.

1. The Good, the Bad and the Ugly

Indisputable proof, should you need it in some bizarre conversation or other, that threequels don't necessarily need to have Roman numerals somewhere in the title. While Sergio Leone's Dollars trilogy is much more loosely connected than any of the other franchises here this week, with the only really tangible connecting thread being Clint Eastwood's notorious Man With No Name, The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is a prime example of taking what worked in the previous films, reworking it into the mix of something altogether grander, and sewing it all together into one magnificent tapestry. The film is one of those few works that, from a cinematic perspective, is essentially flawless (don't believe me? Ask Tarantino, who has previously labeled this one of the best-directed films in history), from the spellbinding and tumultuous three-way dynamic of the titular characters to the stunning Ennio Morricone score (which you may remember I also crowned the best movie score in a not-too-recent edition of 'Ten Deep'). Perhaps the greatest film in its genre, and although I won't claim to be a fan of westerns in any way, this is pretty much only rivalled by Leone's own Once Upon a Time in the West for the title of "best western" (hey, maybe somebody should do a column on that subject...). By these standards, predecessor A Fistful of Dollars, itself a damn respectable film, looks positively bog-standard in comparison, and to achieve that is pretty special - in terms of raising the bar, you can't really get any higher than this. Anyway, now you have the perfect counter-argument next time someone claims The Godfather Part III proves that second sequels are shit, or indeed that The Good, the Bad and the Ugly is anything less than a masterpiece.

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And finally…

Feeling aggrieved or elated at this week's ten picks? Then let me know! The magic of the interweb allows you to post your comments right here on this very page, and if they're especially insightful (or idiotic), I may even respond in the next column. Be sure to tune in next week for another edition of 'Ten Deep', but until then - keep watching the skies.