The UBS Evening Television & Movie News 10.01.09
Posted by George H. Sirois on 10.01.2009
A brief look at the upcoming releases, The Hangover DVD update, some news that is equally depressing and exciting, a big tip of the hat to Carrie Fisher and another "Re-Writing Miss-tory" segment with the Wrestling Zone's Jasper Gerretsen. All this and the trailer of the week in The "Memo to Darren Aronofsky" Edition...
Welcome everyone to the latest edition of the UBS Evening Movie News. I'm George H. Sirois, and if you're on Twitter, you can find me HERE! And don't forget, for all of you who are new to 411Mania.com, make sure you check out all of our zones. We have some of the best writers on the Internet right here, and we love to hear from all of you! So keep coming back to read what we have for you, make us your homepage and if you have Facebook, make sure to join our group HERE!
I want to thank everyone who took the time to click on this link below to pre-order my novel, "Excelsior." As I said last week, this is a very exciting time with the final chapters being revised and the cover design coming together.
With YOUR help and a $2 deposit, you can make this time even more exciting. I know there are plenty of friends, family members and UBS readers that are looking forward to this as much as I am, and here's your chance to let me know just how much you're looking forward to it. So send your deposit in, guys. The time is now! And keep checking back with the UBS report each week. Starting next week, I'll be dropping a little bit more info about the book to hopefully whet your appetites…
And with that plug out of the way, on with the news! This week, I got some equally exciting and depressing news about some projects on the horizon, the box office totals for last week, a glimpse at what's happening in the "Hot or Not" section of the 411Mania forums, and a special guest appearance by "That Was Then, Is This Too?" writer from the Wrestling Zone, Jasper Gerretsen.
SYBIL THE SOOTHSAYER
UPCOMING MOVIES
Zombieland: A horror comedy about a motley crew of survivors (Jesse Eisenberg, Woody Harrelson, Emma Stone and Abigail Breslin) who are stucked in a world overtaken by zombies.
Just like the rest of the guys from the 411 Movies Zone, I'm really looking forward to seeing this. I hope it breaks the trend that Jeremy noted on the podcast, that horror-comedies rarely do well at the box office.
Whip It: An indie-rock loving misfit (Ellen Page) finds a way of dealing with her small-town misery after she discovers a roller derby league in nearby Austin, TX.
This sounds like a project in which everyone involved had a lot of fun. Sometimes that translates well to the big screen, and other times it doesn't. (Ocean's Twelve definitely rings a bell.) I'm guessing this will come off as a good time, and it will be interesting to see what Drew Barrymore can do behind the camera.
A Serious Man: A black comedy centered on a Midwestern professor (Michael Stuhlbarg) who watches his life unravel when his wife prepares to leave him because his inept brother (Richard Kind) won't move out of the house.
A black comedy from the Coen brothers??? Yeah, I'm seeing this... and I just found out something really cool. The character of "Sy Ableman" is played by none other than Fred Melamed, my Announcing & Voice-Overs professor at Marymount Manhattan College! Now I'm REALLY seeing this!
Credit: TheMovieBox.net
DVD NEWS
I'm sure a lot of you are waiting to own your copy of The Hangover when it comes out on DVD. Well, I got some news for you about what to expect…
As expected, there will be two DVD versions. The first one is a single-disc release featuring nothing but the movie itself. A 2-disc Unrated Special Edition will also be released, featuring the movie in both its theatrical version and the unrated Director's Cut.
It will also include a number of featurettes such as "Map of Destruction," "The Madness of Ken Jeong," "Action Mash-Up," "Three Best Friends Song" and "The Dan Band!"
Also included are a Gag Reel, More Pictures from the Missing Camera and a Digital Copy of the movie.
The Blu-Ray Disc will also offer up both versions of the movie and include all of the above mentioned bonus materials. The discs reach shelves on December 15 for $28.98 on DVD, $34.99 on Special Edition DVD and $34.87 on Blu-Ray Disc. (Naturally, I expect the price to be a bit lower in stores.)
Credit: DVDReview.com
MOVIE TRAILER OF THE WEEK: Paranormal Activity
The new teaser for the remake of A Nightmare on Elm Street has already made plenty of waves here on 411Mania, so I'm not going to show that one here. (I have, however, talked about it in this week's podcast, and if you haven't heard that yet, I'll say now that I'm not impressed with it.)
So instead, here's a look at the new film Paranormal Activity. Credit to fellow writer and friend Ben Piper for suggesting this one to me…
JIM WEBBING AND HIS IT'S THE HONEST TRUTH DEPARTMENT
All credit goes to "Cabel" in the 411Mania forums for bringing this to my attention; otherwise I wouldn't have known about it at all. It looks like something big is being planned for the 25th anniversary of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, and I'm already psyched for it to come out. Read this little nugget about the plot that I picked up from Wikipedia…
"This ninja tag-team extraordinaire begins when the new gigantic, evil, and terrifying Technodrome (a giant mobile battle station from the original 1987 TMNT animated series) suddenly appears in our world, carrying with it the original 1987 series Ninja Turtles. The 2003 series' Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michelangelo find themselves with a huge mystery to solve and four crazy Turtles to baby-sit! Can the Turtles of the past and the Turtles of the present stop annoying each other long enough to stop all of time and space from unraveling?
"Turtles Forever is a direct-to-DVD animated movie that was produced by 4Kids Entertainment. A rough, nearly finished version of the film premiered at the San Diego Comic Con in July 2009. It will be released in theaters on October 29, 2009 according to National CineMedia, and is scheduled to air on the CW4Kids station on November 21, after the 25th anniversary Top 10 Countdown."
And if this isn't enough to get you excited, check out the poster that's come out for it…
Credit: Wikipedia
And now I am officially depressed: Temple Hill Entertainment has acquired screen rights to "LA Candy," the bestselling debut novel by Lauren Conrad, ex-star of reality series "The Hills" and "Laguna Beach."
Temple Hill partners Marty Bowen and Wyck Godfrey will produce. Conrad will be executive producer through her Blue Eyed Girl Productions banner. The book was published in June by Harper Collins and has been on the bestseller lists of The New York Times for 14 weeks.
It amounts to a teaming between the exec producers of "Twilight" and one of the leading lights of youth-geared reality shows. Informed by Conrad's experiences, "LA Candy" tells the story of a 19-year old who moves to Hollywood, quickly finds fame as a reality series star, and then has to deal with the ramifications of living a surreal fishbowl life. Conrad plans to write two more books on the reality travails of protagonist Jane Roberts.
"Lauren, who became an icon in that reality show world, came to us with a structure of how to tell the story in an interesting fashion, that was separate and apart from the book," Bowen said. "We loved her take. Her book is an honest portrayal of what it must be like to set out to be normal, then sign on to become famous and eventually realize, wow, this isn't at all what I'd planned for myself."
Bowen said they will set a writer before looking for a studio/financier for the project, which was sold by UTA. Conrad will be involved in shaping the direction of the script.
So, let me get this straight. The fake-reality show comes out, an "actress" from that show writes a book that tries to come off as fiction but is just about the making of a faker version of the fake-reality show, and now the readers of this are going to be treated to a big screen adaptation of the making of the faker fake-reality show based on the original fake-reality show.
Does this mean the whole project is going to implode on itself or something? Is this some kind of rip in the space-time continuum?
Credit: Variety
There's a really hot actress on waterskis about to jump the approaching shark: Jessica Alba is becoming a Focker.
The actress is in negotiations to join the Ben Stiller-Robert DeNiro comedy "Little Fockers." She'd play the role of an attractive pharmaceutical rep whose looks wreak havoc on male characters in the story.
Paul Weitz is directing the third installment in the Universal and Tribeca Productions franchise. Universal is banking heavily on "Fockers," one of the studio's few go-to franchises and an important one given its shaky summer. Production is set to begin in the next few months, with a 2010 release date more than likely.
The picture is expect to pick up where 2004's "Meet the Fockers" left off, with Stiller's Gaylord Focker and Teri Polo's Pamela Byrnes having a child (or children -- reports abound that they could be having twins). John Hamburg penned the latest version of the script.
Even if Alba's role isn't huge -- and with so many other big actors (Stiller, DeNiro, Wilson) already set, it may not be -- the move is a shrewd bit of casting for Universal. The franchise needs to rope in young men, and with the movie's promise of babies and family -- not always said demo's main interest -- it could use a Maxim-esque presence.
Yes, we've come to this, and I'm not the least bit surprised. We've seen many series start out strong with their Part 1 and 2, only to stumble in Part 3. I can see this very quickly becoming the American Wedding of its day, which a real disappointment considering how much I enjoyed both Parents & Fockers.
Just remember how De Niro's character was properly softened up at the end of the second film. Is he supposed to go back to being a pain in the ass to Greg and Pam? He has to be at the center of this movie since he's still Robert De Niro and we're going to be drawn to him no matter what. The question is, what would he be doing in this one and would it seem as contrived as I fear?
Credit: Hollywood Reporter
As much as you loved Carrie Fisher before…: Nothing I can say after this entry could follow this wonderful piece of writing by Carrie Fisher. So refreshing to see that (1) I'm not the only person who looks themselves up on the Internet, and (2) someone got called out for going out of their way to make a hurtful comment. Read on and enjoy…
Weight AND Wisdom!
I thought that I'd forgotten one of the things I was thinking of writing about, but now I remember… at least I think I do. One thing is that I foolishly Googled myself last night because the Enquirer has been trying to get me to confirm some asinine thing I said as a bad joke AGES ago, & I wanted to see if had shown up somewhere - which it hadn't - until now, when I stupidly call attention to this non event here – ANYWAY - in the process of searching, I found that someone had posted that I USED to be hot, but that now I looked like Elton John. As much as I attempted to place myself above the reach of this observation, I must admit that… yup… This ended up hurting my feelings - all 7 of them.
You see, I was hot when most people are hot - in my fucking 20's & part of my 30's. THEN, in an effort to imitate humans, I had a child &, to further maintain my life like disguise, I took medications for about 9 thousand years, &, despite all my efforts, I continued to get older & older - inadvertently, I assure you - I tried to arrest my development physically as WELL as emotionally, but unfortunately without as much success. I also must confess that I ate food. I'm sorry. I realize that I promised never to eat anything but lettuce & sun flower seeds, but tragically, I was unable to keep my promise.
Yes, I realize… I KNOW that I vowed to exercise for 3 hours a day - aerobics, pilates AND yoga, but alas, I admit with a large quota of shame, that I failed to fulfill this other important commitment.
NO, I shouldn't look as if 30 years have passed. I understand completely if you can't find it in your heart to forgive me for looking like 3 decades have passed…….Of COURSE you should mock & belittle me for being so large!! What else could you POSSIBLY do?????!? I've let you down by treating my body as though it were just some giant sad sack that I use to haul my personality around. You have every right to compare me to Yoda or Elton or Kirstie…….I've brought it on myself.
But here's this thing that I found myself wondering………what the fuck do YOU look like??!
I know I don't really have the right to ask……I'm a public figure. I've made an unspoken contract to keep that figure slim, but still, I find myself wondering…….See, I think the folks that insult & mock celebrities who DARE to pack on ten pounds or—–God forbid——MORE than ten!…..I would think it only fair that they post a photo of themselves along with their poisonous observations! And you know what else would be SUPER cool??? Their IQ! ALL the numbers! An approximate count of Weight AND wisdom!
And as a teeny aside – my show on Broadway is not about my appearance. Oh sure, I'm killing myself trying to lose weight before I open so I won't offend any theater goers eyes while attempting to entertain them via their ears. But just in case I don't achieve my goal of keeping my promise to look 25 & instead manage to remind you of bulbous slugs or gay, iconic musicians…
I'd like to take this opportunity to offer this quasi poignant explanation & to say to those of you I've visually offended… from the bottom of my heart encased in fat –
BLOW MY BIG BOVINE tiny dancer COCK!
We now return to our regular programming…
XxOoCf
All I can say is that after reading this, I subscribed to her blog. You should too. And I'm hoping to get tickets for me and Cheryl to see her show "Wishful Drinking" at the Roundabout Theater at Studio 54. YOU SHOULD TOO!
ANDY CRITCHELL'S INTERACTIVE BABE PHOTO NEWS BRIEF WITH ANDY CRITCHELL
Since Andy has the week off, I thought I'd give you guys a glimpse into what is going on in the "Hot or Not" section of the 411Mania forums. This was naturally the inspiration for this section at the beginning of The UBS Evening Television & Movie News, so it's only natural that I go back to it at some point.
This past week, the latest tournament was started. This one centers on the women of wrestling, and the only stipulation was that these women had to be active at some point during the past year. Here are the most recent winners that have already conquered their opponents and moved on to Round 2…
Beth Phoenix
Maria Kanellis
Maryse Ouelett
Trish Stratus
Velvet Sky
Check out the "Hot or Not" section in the 411Mania forum to cast your votes for the remaining contestants…
RE-WRITING MISS-TORY
This week, we have a very special guest from the 411 Wrestling Zone - Jasper Gerretsen – and he is here to discuss an element that irked him in a recent critically acclaimed film. Plus, in true "Re-Writing Miss-tory" fashion, he proposes an alternate solution. So prepare yourself for a memo from this week's QCC on the 2008 Darren Aronofsky film…
Dear Mr. Aronofsky:
I appreciate the opportunity to be chosen as your Quality Control Consultant for your new project The Wrestler. After reading the latest draft by Mr. Siegel, it looks like you have a great piece of work on your hands and I am looking forward to seeing the finished product. However, there is one major element that I need to bring to your attention, something that will keep this film steeped in the realism you desire once it is fixed properly.
I have to wonder, why do we need to include the deathmatch scene shot at Combat Zone Wrestling? I understand the importance of Randy's heart attack as the pivotal moment in the film, but since realism has been your aim throughout the project, I'd like to point out one important point that's bugging me to no end:
Wrestlers of the stature of Randy "The Ram" Robinson do not participate in deathmatch wrestling.
The washed up eighties star is a staple of the independent wrestling scene and the convention circuit. It's a character that most wrestling fans can relate to, and with your excellent writing and direction I'm sure that the general public will catch on to the character rather quickly. That doesn't take away that wrestlers like Jake Roberts and the Honky Tonk Man, characters who are similar in that they're still working on the fame they have acquired in the eighties, wouldn't be caught dead in a match like this. They are famous to the point that the people will come to see no matter what they do in the ring.
So why would Randy, a man who knows his body is breaking down, and who has the fame to get away with pretty much just walking to the ring and back, do a deathmatch? It's certainly not for the money, as CZW isn't exactly a high budget promotion. It might be for the pride, but I think that even Randy's ego might do a double take when the staple gun is first pointed at his face.
The whole idea of throwing in a deathmatch just seems like a random stab at sensationalism that has no place here. While I love the back-and-forth between showing the wounds and how they were caused, and I love the fact that you plan to use an actual deathmatch wrestler as Randy's opponent, I think we can all agree that, for the non-wrestling fan viewer, the world of independent wrestling is already foreign and confusing enough without throwing in panes of glass and barbed wire.
However, I agree that the heart attack needs to be in the movie. I just think there are better ways to get to it. My idea would be as follows: Randy is brought in as a one-time opponent for some small company's champion. He agrees with the booker on doing a time limit draw, but gets insulted when the booker suggests a 30 minute time limit, insisting instead on doing a 60 minute time limit like he used to do in his glory days. Show clips of the match, with Randy slowly but steadily slowing down, appearing more exhausted, until he can barely stand on his feet at the end, having to be helped to the back by the referee. Finish the scene with him collapsing in the locker room like before.
I think that we can all agree that this is a far more realistic way to set up the heart attack that provides the pivotal moment in the movie. It plays into Randy's pride without going completely overboard. If you want to go for a realistic movie, I think that the 60 minute time limit draw to set up the heart attack is a far better way to go about things than throwing in that deathmatch, which wrestlers of Randy's stature simply wouldn't do in the real world (I'm well aware of Terry Funk, but he's the exception to the rule).
Again, thank you for this opportunity and I look forward to seeing the next draft.
Sincerely,
Jasper Gerretsen
Quality Control Consultant
Fox Searchlight Pictures
And that's a wrap for Chapter 132 of The UBS Evening Movie News! For Jasper Gerretsen, I'm George H. Sirois and I'll see you next week!
Posted By: random (Guest) on October 01, 2009 at 12:29 AM
Turtles Forever sounds epic. Plus according to the Wikipedia article (whose opening paragraph has been hilariously edited by an angry fan) the Mirage Comics turtles will appear, too. I'm all over this.
Well done on rewriting The Wrestler, Jasper. I loved the film but that was definitely the one key part I, as a wrestling fan, had a huge problem with. I even explained to the non-fans watching with me why that would never happen.
Posted By: neverAcquiesce (Guest) on October 01, 2009 at 12:17 PM
Great stuff this week! When are Steve and Chris returning?
Good points on the Wrestler and thanks for The Hangover DVD details.
Now I know...
Posted By: stevethegoose (Registered) on October 01, 2009 at 12:53 PM
Carrie Fisher can have my babies.
Doesn't Uncle Abby still wrestle deathmatches in between cookin' up ribs in Atlanta?
Posted By: Fozzy D'Orazio (Guest) on October 01, 2009 at 04:08 PM
Yeah, I know I'm a bit late here, but Abdullah the Butcher still does matches like that all the time. Also, the even more relevant example that would debunk this "legends don't do deatmatches" argument would be Mick Foley, who has still been blading and falling on thumbtacks way past his prime (not to mention Terry Funk). So the scene is fine in my opinion.
Posted By: SeanAltly (Guest) on October 08, 2009 at 03:43 PM
First of all, Abdullah the Butcher has always been known for hardcore/deathmatch wrestling, this is not something new to spark his career.
Second of all, Foley might still be doing these matches, and he might be past his prime, but he does them in front of an audience of thousands for what has to be decent pay, not an audience of dozens for gas money.
Posted By: Skios (Registered) on October 13, 2009 at 12:12 AM
