Ghost Hunters Recap Episode 5.14: A Bat Out of Hell

Posted by Ron Martin on 10.01.2009

This week on Ghost Hunters, TAPS gets their contractual celebrity ghost hunter out of the way before October even hits as they finally make good on investigation the most haunted house winner. Also, spiders and possible enhanced breasts.

It's that time of the week again, kids. Time for me to cruise through another hour of mediocre ghost hunting without trying to fall asleep. It's getting more difficult because I am getting older. I know that once you get old, your natural sleep cycle wants to change so that you must go to bed around 8 PM, get up around 4 AM and start looking for early bird dinner buffets at 3.

To quote a ghost hunter that's even older than me, "Knock again if you're really a ghost. Okay, if you are really, really a ghost knock three times. There's obviously paranormal activity in here so let's take off."

To quote a ghost hunter whom I believe is younger than me, "You're a really stupid ghost and your hair is stupid. You probably smell bad and your boyfriend is ugly."

To quote a ghost hunter whom we won't see this time around since there won't be a Halloween show, "Do Something!"

I'll let you figure out whose who, while I throw a picture at you…



This week on Ghost Hunters
TAPS finally gets around to investigating the winners of the haunted location contest from last Halloween. To show how serious they are about investigating, they let Meat Loaf come along. Meat Loaf the singer, not the entrée. Meat Loaf is very excited. Even the announcer declares something is going but TAPS didn't do it. This is your "special guest investigator" episode to take the place of guest investigators that would have been on the Halloween show.

Case #1: Isle of Pines, Thousand Islands, New York

Jason has been waiting for this case for a long time. It's been so long the chick got knocked up and the baby is close to popping. It should be noted that this crazy scarf Amy is wearing is taking up most of my attention. That, and I never understand why TAPS is dead set on having the person driving also be the person on the walkie talkie. With all the cell phone/texting relating accidents happening, would it be so hard if Amy or Tango drove? Jason calls Meat Loaf "their good friend." Hmmm….is he such a good friend that you actually knew him when you guys were really just plumbers? I didn't think so. Amy and Kris laugh and smile like they actually know who Meat Loaf is. Hey, he did a great duet with Chef on the Chef Aid album. Amy makes a "her mom will be excited" joke. Steve acts like he knows who Meat Loaf is. Are Amy and Kris Meat Loaf groupies now?

Meat Loaf tells a story about how he went with a ghost hunting group in college, but was too scared to get out of the car.

The Investigation
Preggo Danielle is our tour guide. Danielle also acts like she knows who Meat Loaf is. This dude's grandpa dedicated a lot of the island to priests who caused a lot of trouble and got kicked off, even though that explains nothing about why the place might be haunted. Danielle saw a girl ghost in the kids room. Meat Loaf asks more pertinent questions than TAPS ever has on the tour. They see a lot of full body stuff here. They have a place where bands played "back in the day." Meat Loaf needs to know when "back in the day" was because he may have played here and don't remember it. Danielle's brother got all badass with the ghosts and got his ass kicked by the ghosts. No mention of possible poltergeist activity? The kids routinely play with dead priests in the main house. Danielle's brother is the one who has seen most of the activity. Maybe they should inquire about her brother's drinking habits. Nah, that would require actual ghost hunting.

Jason wants to find out what's paranormal and what's not. Okay, it's been five and a half seasons, and like eight years now. Do we really need interviews from Jason that he is going to try and find out what's paranormal? Really? Isn't that what the show has allegedly been about for eight years? If they don't know that or what an EVP is at this point – it ain't happening kids, so just give up on it. Jason bets that Meat Loaf runs out scared at some point.

I do like that Meat Loaf is here. At least he seems to care about trying to find something paranormal. We know the rest of TAPS doesn't.

LIGHTS OUT!

Alpha Team are in the main house on the third floor. The cameraman's voice makes a rare appearance on the show. His camera's battery is almost drained. Meat Loaf's battery is entirely drained. So, is this one of the weeks where we are using the production teams cameras for evidence or not? I can never keep track of these things. The cameraman keeps telling his battery is drained though he is still clearly filming the show with it. The K-II is already going nuts and they seem impressed by this even though last episode it was going nuts because of EMF readings and they weren't so impressed.

COMMERCIALS.

Now they're using the K-II as a communication device. I bet it lights up. Hey, look it lit up. Man, that never happens. It lights up positive on every question they ask. There are allegedly members of both sexes in the room on the ghost side. They put their hands out to get touched, instead Meat Loaf feels someone sit on the bed. Meat Loaf notes that he did not go running out of the room like a little girl.

Clown Team are on the grounds where they are already obsessing over bugs. Steve makes a decent observation about people who are in the middle of water and they can hear them like they are standing next to them. He theorizes that any of the houses across the lake could be playing music and it would travel. In the stupidest thing I have ever seen, Tango gets advice on bugs from Steve.

Chick Team is investigating in the boathouse. Kris's shirt is not going to stop the rumors that she has been artificially enhanced in the last year or so. The girls are freaking out because there are spiders all around. They are pretty creepy.

Alpha Team and Meat Loaf are still on the third floor of the main house and there is a live Halloween like conversation going where Grant says he saw something, Meat Loaf says something that doesn't corroborate their story and Jason back pedals while Grant stupidly stares into the camera trying not to cause trouble. Alpha Team goes into the room Grant says he saw something. Meat Loaf bails and goes into the room he wants to go into. Again the K-II goes off in the room.

COMMERCIALS.

Meat Loaf asks the ghosts if its the same ghosts as in the other room. I don't know if you are going to believe this, but the K-II meter goes off on every single question. I know, it's shocking. Alpha Team lets Meat Loaf do his thing. Meat Loaf wants the ghost to do something besides flick the K-II. Jason tries to get Meat Loaf to ask more questions. The ghost says that he can do more than just light up lights and in the most inane series of events, the ghost (who stated through the K-II that TAPS allegedly believes without question that he was in the room with Meat Loaf) somehow makes a banging noise in the room closest to Grant as oppose to the room that the ghost is supposed to be in. Meat Loaf buys it. Jason distracts Meat Loaf by telling him how heavy the air is. Again, a sound comes from a room closest to Grant. Jason and Grant quickly get Meat Loaf to forget about this trying to do other stuff trick and go back to using the K-II exclusively. Ironically, with all three of them in the room there are no more sounds in the other rooms. They decide it must be the priest, though we've not heard about any priests dying on the island at all, just that they were kicked off. Grant says the K-II stopped so they wanted to move downstairs, though when they are getting up and moving it, it obviously goes off several more times. Nice.

Chick Team are in the boathouse ballroom where Kris again tells Amy stuff that Amy should have heard at the same time Kris did. They park on a couch, hear footsteps and go against TAPS protocol and try to investigate it. They try to debunk by making Amy walk on the dock to see if that's what they were hearing and nope, it's not. They talk about how its weird to call a guy Meat Loaf. Meanwhile, the ghost would like some attention and allegedly shows itself as a shadow. Kris declares this creepy.

COMMERCIALS.

Back from commercial, the girls have decided that they don't want to actually get off the couch so they call in Alpha Team since they're already standing. For me, while I wasn't originally on board with the rumor of Kris enhancements, this episode is doing much to change my mind. The girls have Jason stand on the other side of the room and somehow have devised that means a ghost walked by. I don't know how they came to that conclusion.

Clown Team are investigating on the third floor of the main house. Tango asks the ghost to close the door and they hear footsteps. Like Chick Team before them, this possible evidence isn't enough to get them to actually get up off the bed. They hear more noises from downstairs. However, Clown Team doesn't want to be bothered to move so they ask the ghosts to come upstairs.

Alpha Team and Meat Loaf are in the boathouse attic. There are a ton of rodents/birds hanging out. As they discuss this the K-II goes nuts and Meat Loaf is using it like an EMF meter. It goes up and down as Meat Loaf is moving around. Jason says this is evidence that ghost is on the movie. If the K-II goes off whenever it detects a ghost, then why at other times do we have to wait for the team to asks questions before the K-II goes off? Wouldn't the K-II just go off because of the ghost being in the room? Now all of a sudden, Jason has to ask questions for the lights to come on when just a few minutes ago, it was going off just because the ghost was in the room. Terrible.

Meat Loaf uses my "kids" line and tells everyone that he is getting a lot colder. Jason says its eight degrees colder by Meat Loaf than on the other side of the room, but at this point, I don't even know if these guys know how to use a thermometer. Meat Loaf left a bottle of water on the windowsill and asks the ghost to bring it closer. Meanwhile Jason and Grant are staring into the dark and claiming to see shadows walking back and forth to verify Danielle's claims. Grant actually goes into the room that they see stuff, which just so happens to be the room Meat Loaf left his water and SURPRISE! the water has moved! OMG!

COMMERCIALS.

Meat Loaf recaps the story of the water bottle. TAPS promises that they didn't touch the water bottle because they have been so forthright with us about everything in the past. So since that's the room that Danielle sees apparitions in, they should have had a camera positioned in there, right? How come I feel like we won't see any footage from that room?

Clown Team is in the boathouse attic with Meat Loaf. Meat Loaf says he won't go back in the attic because he promised the ghost he would not go back up there. Clown Team has a really fake sounding conversation before being interrupted by random knocking. They say its coming from the loft. I believe this to be a huge set up to get Steve in the loft with the spiders. He quickly bails and cusses. Meat Loaf then makes Steve poop his pants by jumping at him. Meat Loaf is my new hero.



WRAP UP.

The Analysis
Steve calls this the most haunted place in America. Meat Loaf gets stuck working with Clown Team on the evidence. They give Meat Loaf a K-II meter which he says is his first ghost hunting equipment. I don't want to break his heart by being the one to tell him that only these guys actually believe in those things. Meat Loaf sees something on camera that Steve dismisses as a bug and then actually has the balls to say "If there's any doubt, throw it out." Apparently Steve forgot about the last three years worth of shows and the new motto "If it makes us money, then it's in sucka!" They have the recording of the knocks Clown Team heard. Woot?

The Reveal
Blah, blah, blah…batteries drained. Meat Loaf is sitting in on the reveal. Blah, blah, blah…K-II meter. Blah, blah, blah…personal experiences. Meat Loaf says he was never afraid even though he is always afraid. They talk about the girls' shadow they saw. Grant mentions that the evidence was "right off camera." Man, shucks. Blah, blah, Blah…water bottle. Jason says a camera was on the room – so where is the video evidence? Blah, blah, blah…K-II crap. Blah, blah, blah….knocking.

My DVR mercifully cuts out in the middle of the reveal, so I don't know what happened after that. I am assuming that though they have no real evidence, they called the place haunted. To do otherwise would not be intelligent for their wallets.

Overall:
It might be that I am jaded and overall very pessimistic of this show at this point, but seeing them with an investigator whose not under contract and is trying to get legit evidence kind of underscores the entire show for me. TAPS is in it for the money. They could care less about ghosts at this point. That's fine. As I have said a thousand times, I don't know if I wouldn't do the same if I had the opportunities they have had. The thing that irks me most is that these guys are portrayed as the face of ghost hunting by the media when they are the furthest thing from a real ghost hunting group. Why do they sit on the couch and ask for knocking and continue to sit on the couch when the knocking occurs? They get paid the same regardless of whether or not they sit on the couch – that's why! Everything seemed extra fake to me tonight. I don't know if others felt that way or I'm just done with the show.

They're making money, good for them. I guess.

Fin.