The October Zombie-Thon 2009 - Day 7: Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers
Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.07.2009
Quite the catchy title, but does the movie live up to it?
THE GIRLS REBEL FORCE OF COMPETITIVE SWIMMERS (2007)
Directed by: Koji Kawano
Written by: Satoshi Owada
Country: Japan
If I tell you the name of this movie is The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers, and then confirm that it is in fact about a team of girl swimmers battling a zombie infestation, it should probably come as no surprise that its Japanese. For the last decade, Japan has been working harder than any other country to deliver some of the oddest entries in zombie movie history. This is both a curse and a blessing – the seemingly inherent weirdness of these movies ensure they never reach the quality level of something like Night of the Living Dead or 28 Days Later, but at the same time they are all but guaranteed to be fascinating on one level or another.
This one is no exception. You will never hear me claim that The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers is a good movie, but hey, it does feature a girl shooting a laser out of her you-know-what's-it, and I'd be lying if I said that doesn't count for something.
There is a story, of sorts. It concerns Aki, a young girl on her first day at a new high school. This would be rough on any teenage girl, but it's even worse for Aki, given that this just happens to be the day that an insane scientist has hijacked the school's virus inoculation, turning both staff and students into blood-thirsty zombies. Thankfully, it turns out that the chlorine from the school's swimming pool has rendered the swim team immune to the virus, leaving them unaffected and ready to battle the ravenous hordes.
But wait, you say, that certainly doesn't do Aki any good, seeing as how she isn't on the swim team. Well, don't fret, because thankfully Aki instantly makes friends with a member, Sayaka, who campaigns for Aki to join up. It is an interesting friendship these two have – Sayaka may in fact be Aki's long-lost twin sister, but even knowing that doesn't stop the two from indulging in a lengthy lesbian sex scene about halfway through the movie (because, really, a movie already this trashy doesn't need to worry about the further-awkwardness of a little thing like implied incest).
Oh, and I'd be remiss if I didn't mention Aki's other bit of good luck (or bad luck, as the case may be) – it turns out she knows the madman behind the zombie virus. That's because a few years back, he kidnapped her, made her his sex slave, and trained her as a water terrorist. No, I'm not at all sure of what a "water terrorist" is, but I don't really think the movie is, either, so how important could it be?
Some might read this plot and find in incredibly stupid, to which I would counter, "it's a Japanese zombie movie called The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers." When one considers this, the real question becomes whether the story is stupid enough. I think it is…although I'm not as convinced that the movie itself lives up to the plot's stupidity potential.
Don't get me wrong, this is an incredibly f'd-up movie. But, all kidding aside, there is a difference between a trash movie so bad it becomes great and a trash movie so bad it just becomes really bad. Girls Force never sinks to the depths of the latter, but nor does it push that extra little bit forward to cross over into the former. Perhaps it's because some of the sex scenes are a little bit sleazier than they need to be (and if not "sleazy," than at least "tedious" – that aforementioned lesbian scene seems to go on forever). Maybe it's because it doesn't really deliver on the full promise of the title – most of the swim team girls are slaughtered mere moments after they officially become a "rebel force," as if the movie has no time for any characters other than Aki and Sayaka.
Whatever the case, the movie is never quite as much fun as you want it to be, even if it's also never quite boring. Its beautiful star (Sasa Handa, who plays Aki) is frequently naked; the seemingly rushed translation is pretty funny ("Why did you change schools? I guess it's because you were made fool."); and when the gore comes, it's cheap but undeniably fun. So, yeah, it has its virtues. But I've seen kookier Asian zombie movies (Stacy, Wild Zero), and I've definitely seen funnier ones (Bio-Zombie). The Girls Rebel Force of Competitive Swimmers is a fun little distraction for folks already into this kind of thing, but it doesn't really add up to much more than that.
Still, there is that vagina laser.
FINAL SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 Bubs (Mildly Recommended)
For more living dead goodies, check out my countdown of the 10 Hottest Zombie Babes at Night of the Living Trev.
