Ghost Hunters Recap Episode 5.15: Glimmer Men

Posted by Ron Martin on 10.08.2009

I have no idea what the title of this episode is referring to. There is nothing remotely glimmery about any of the men unless Glimmer is some sort of sailing term.

Here I am once again, and I have set the mood tonight by dimming the lights and letting all my artificially lit Halloween decorations take over the room. It actually does help set the mood for this show.

A couple of news bits before we get down into the diggy, diggy. There will be no review next week. I am on the second of my closely timed vacations. I am off to Salem, MA for their Haunted Happenings for the week and the hotel room does not carry Syfy. Or Sci-fi for that matter.

Also, just for full disclosure purposes, the TAPS gang made a cameo appearance on South Park earlier today. In an episode where Ike (Kyle's little brother) keep seeing the ghosts of recently departed celebrities, TAPS is called in. Unfortunately, it's not a very good episode. I am a big fan of South Park. When they are at their best, there may be no better satirical show on TV. However, the flip side of that is that when the show is bad – it's really terrible. The other thing that sucks is it's usually an entire season that either sucks or is great. It's rare that a handful of episodes suck in the middle of a good season.

Enough about South Park, onto the main event; the men whom were seen earlier today in cartoon form…



This week on Ghost Hunters
TAPS investigates the USS Salem and we are teased the Steve and Tango find something that is not a spider. The team then goes international (copyright fraud?) by crossing the Canadian border and it's the girls who give us the false scare.

Case #1: USS Salem, Quincy, Massachusetts

Grant makes the brilliant deduction that the USS Salem is a boat. Kris gives them the rundown, including an apparition of a former employee. Grant states they will try to find ghosts. Once again, only the people who are driving are allowed to talk on the walkies. Don't talk on walkies while you're driving, kids! Grant wants to shoot people with guns on the ship. I am sure that I am one of them.

The Investigation
I've actually researched Quincy as a possible destination on one of my Salem vacations. It's home to the Adams Presidential Library as well as the final resting place for both John and John Quincy Adams. That's a big boat, fellas. The Salem was built in the shipyard that she sits in. Michael is our tour guide and is much too tall to be working on a boat. The Salem has not been in any battles. It's just used as an intimidation thing. A worker named John died in one area and still haunts the room he died in. Of course, the hospital room is haunted – that actually makes sense. In the hospital room a lady yells "Get out!" which could mean she doesn't want you there, or she wants the baby to pop out. A pregnant ghost? Is that possible? Jason namedrops shadow figure because shadow figures bring the ratings! Neither Jason nor Grant are sporting TAPS shirts today. No bonus checks for them!

What's this?!!!!

JOE M'FKIN CHIN!!!!!!!!

WHOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

They have Joe Chin on the show because they are going to Canada later and don't want Joe Chin to kick their asses for crossing international borders.

Scene that shall not be mentioned, other than just now. You got it?

LIGHTS OUT!

Alpha Team is the anchor room looking for John the Ghost. They talk directly to John and –SURPRISE! – get footsteps right away. They hear a woman's voice as well so they go and explore. That's a plus. They are showing bravado because they got Joe Chin with them. They see something move down the hall so they can move on to…

COMMERCIALS.

Nothing….is…..happening…. They literally are looking at a wall. Grant does a confessional to let us know things we already know. Grant is getting "spiderwebbing" but declares it legit. It's Amy that feels spiderwebs…not you, Grant. Silly goose.

Amy and the Mighty Joe Chin are in the Operating Room. It will be interesting to see how these two investigate together. When with non-GH members, Amy can be pretty good. This week Amy tells Joe Chin what ghosts are in the place. This is the direct opposite of what usually happens. They are doing and EVP session, trying to lead the ghost into saying "GET OUT!" They get some weird sound as if a door is opening or shutting. They ask for the door to get moved again, and it does…in the other room. We have a Meat Loaf situation. They couldn't find anything, so Amy defaults on her go to line of "waiting to see if the equipment captured anything."

Clown Team is in the bakery. Good, I could use some snacks. I like anything pumpkin. Steve "just happens" to find a large piece of chocolate cake laying around. Now, they've admitted that the bakery hasn't been used for awhile, so why is there a rock hard, aged piece of chocolate cake sitting around. Oh, so Steve can try to pay Tango to eat it – that's why. I think – is it some sort of display for tourists or something? Finally, Steve just crushes it. If the bakery is no longer in use, why are there tons of baked good laid out? To my surprise, they start an EVP session instead of trying to build things with hard baked goods. They keep hearing thumping on the ceiling of the room they are in. Steve thinks someone might be trying to do some debunking, Tango, knowing that that's not good enough to get us to commercial replies "I don't think so"

COMMERCIALS.

Back from commercial, the thumping has stopped. Steve gets on the walkie (odd, he's not driving) to see if any other TAPS members are debunking. Tango says maybe they got something on the tape. I'm sensing a pattern.

Alpha Team is in the barber shop and they hear the same sounds that Clown Team heard, but decide to interpret them as "footsteps." Grant sees someone coming up the gangplank. They decide the sounds of the person walking up the gangplank are different than the sounds they were hearing. They then decide that since they are different, it's time to move on. Maybe we should be asking who is walking up the gangplank and possibly contaminating any evidence you may have captured?

Kris Williams wants her time with Joe Chin and she takes him to a small room called the Sheet Metal Shop. Kris explains the recorder to the ghost. Kris also does not have a TAPS shirt on because she is part of the Unholy Trinity and does not need no stinking TAPS shirt. Kris tells Joe Chin he makes her feel safe and she needs him with her all the time. Oh, the room is creepy and she doesn't want to be alone in it.

WRAP UP.

Jason thinks the investigation went great…as opposed to all those investigation that he thought sucked.

The Analysis
Steve tells us that they are going to look at footage. It's a good thing, because I was totally confused as to what was going to happen next. Steve finds an EVP that Jason and Grant did not here.

The Reveal
Grant schools Michael on EMFs and how they effect people. They talk about all their personal experiences. They talk about footsteps and shadows moving, yadda, yadda, yadda. They playback the banging that Clown Team heard. Michael says that he doesn't know what makes that sound. They play the door shutting on Amy and Joe Chin. Michael says it sounds like chairs moving. Now the EVP. They act like they know what's being said, though they know it's two words (and state as much). We are supposed to hear the "GET OUT!" on our own, but that's obviously what is being implied. They reassure Michael that the ship is a safe place.

Michael is very surprised in the stuff that they found. He says it adds a whole new dimension to what they had been experiencing.

Status: Undetermined.

Something useful is actually said in the car for once. Grant states that he was expecting Michael to be able to identify all the noises they head and was surprised when he couldn't Jason calls the Mighty Joe Chin, Joey Chin. For the sake of his family, I hope this does not get back to Joe Chin.

Case #1: Cornwall Jail, Cornwall, Ontario, Canada

I'm waiting for Robb, Barry and Dustin to jump out of the woods Ninja-style to take TAPS out and claim Canada as International. I won't say they never find anything on the second investigation, just that second investigations are….less eventful.

The Investigation
Barb is out tour guide. She calls TAPS "the professional guys." She does not, however, say what they are professional at. The jail can hold 33 prisoners and had as many as 100 at some points. Jason gets his shirts at Old Navy. They're usually on sale 4 for $20. I love ‘em. Great solid colored shirts. Good call, Jason. Dude, I used to date a girl who looked just like that Penay person. A woman was raped and murdered in the hallway while the guards watched…in Canada?! That kind of stuff never happens in Canada. Someone committed suicide in one of the cells.

Grant is surprised at the small jail's morbid history. This is a decent use of the confessional format. It's much better than "We're going to try to find some ghosts. I hope we find some ghosts."

Wow, they are really rushing things this investigation. We don't even get the scene that shall not be mentioned or a LIGHTS OUT! segment.

Clown Team is in general population. Steve shuts a door trying to fool the ghost to thinking that they are locked in. Clown Team go into one of the cells and tells the ghost not to worry about getting locked in with them because the jail doesn't work anymore. They are using they "we're your buddies" strategy.

In confessional, Steve gets his extra $5 by shilling the fact that there is a camera there all night.

Chick Team is in solitary confinement. Neither of these girls have TAPS clothes on. Kris is sporting the wavy hair tonight. They noticed the pipes on top the ceiling. Guess what? The EMF readings are ridiculous because of the wiring. Amy, especially, hates it down there.

Alpha Team is in protective custody. They discuss the whole story about a woman being raped and murdered by inmates while the guards watched. The entire story seems a little fishy to me. Just when I thought there was going to be a glorious moment when Grant questions the story, he just says he'll have to have Kris find out what the building is made out of. How about have her try and verify the rape story? That might be a better idea. Jason thinks Grant's idea was so dumb he locks him in a cell. Grant is sneaky though and escapes. I don't know if Jason pushed play on a tape recorder or something, but Kris Williams voice just starts talking. Jason doesn't seem surprised, so I am guessing he is playing something back. He is surprised, however, when it sounds like someone just shot a gun to his left.

COMMERCIALS.

Apparently, the jail cell door slammed shut on its own. As always, Grant is offscreen and standing next to the door. Just an observation.

Chick Team is in the spot where the lady was allegedly raped and murdered. Kris goes into bratty provoking mode. Thankfully, for the viewing audience she is cut off by screaming. She got startled by something…I think it might be a spider. She needs to stop hanging out with Steve. Ah, it's a mannequin in one of the cells. That is a creepy mannequin. Wow. I don't blame her, but that's what she gets for being bratty.

Grant is interested in the door slamming shut.

The Analysis
Steve and Tango are going to look for stuff. Once again, Steve finds an EVP. Once again, its with Jason and Grant.

The Reveal
They explain the high EMF field to Barb. Grant actually gives the advice that if someone creeps out down there, then movie them. They play the cell door video. Actually, it's a different video than the one we had before. This seems to match noises Barb hears. Now they play the EVP. It was supposedly taken in the hallway where the lady was "allegedly" raped. Barb has never heard these screams of pain. Sadistically, Grant wants to hear it again. Almost with glee, so does Barb. They actually show Kris Williams doing research to find out the building is made of limestone. If you don't know the limestone theory at this point, look it up. It's been mentioned on the show easily three dozen times.

Status: No conclusions because they don't want to be cornered into saying anything.

Barb is thrilled, of course.

Grant and Jason theorize that Barb was excited because they validated what she had heard. I think she was excited because now she will have three times the tourism.

Assumed Fistbump.


Overall:
Let's start off with the positive….Joe Chin was there. And….Joe Chin investigated? Seriously, it looks as if Pilgrim listened to its fans and pulled way back on the hijinx of Clown Team. They are actually almost investigating this season. And the production has been better than usual this season. I know that's not saying a lot, but it helps.

Outside of that, I think a major problem with this show is that they are acting like every episode is drawing new viewers. It's been almost six seasons. Their ratings never swing to far from a happy medium. You have your core audience. That's about it. You know that the core audience doesn't want to see every wee; Grant explaining that they are going to try and find ghosts, Steve explaining they are going to check out equipment and what a freaking EVP is. This show is so repetitive, it's ricockulous! If that was a word. I do not understand not having Kris research the whole rape/murder thing unless she did, they found out it wasn't true and didn't want to discount it because it makes for a good story. The whole story just didn't sit right for me. Two weeks from tonight, I will be back, people!

Fin.