Ask 411 Movies for 10.12.09: The Column With Punky Power!

Posted by Leonard Hayhurst on 10.12.2009

Shockwaves, Maximum Overdrive, California Dreams, Early Edition, baseball movies, the worst movies I own, best movie posters ever, overrated TV shows, shows without a proper ending and more of the worst movies ever


From YouTube this week we have another Halloween themed commercial from back in the day. This time Ronald McDonald visits the Castle of McNugget as the little edible monsters try to invent a new dipping sauce.



Q: Shockwaves, a movie about Zombie Nazi's has to be the worst of all time.
-Guest 9881



A: There are probably more zombie Nazi movies out there than there really should be. Just read the above quote on the DVD cover. In the film from 1977, Peter Cushing stars as an old Nazi officer creating zombies on a remote island. A cruise shipwrecks there, featuring Brooke Adams and John Carradine as the captain, and hilarity ensues. Well, maybe not. Cushing and Carradine both worked four days each and received $5,000 for their trouble. The total movie only took 35 days to shoot. While there seems to be a lot more zombies in the movie, there were only eight different actors playing them all.

Q: No. The worst movie - EVER - is anything released by Brain Damage Films. They are the most fucking horrible, mind-numbing dreck, and an insult to horror fans...no, an insult to the LIVING.
-Andrew Crow

A: Brain Damage Films is based in Arizona and specializes in direct to DVD, Z-grade horror films dating back to the early nineties. They first got on the map by putting out the Traces of Death series, a cheap knockoff of Faces of Death. Some of their titles I dig looking at their filmography include Schizophreniac: The Whore Mangler, Necromaniac: Schizphreniac 2, Rock ‘n Roll Frankenstein, Hip Hop Locos, GoreGoyles: First Cut, Suburban Sasquatch, Swamp Zombies!!!, Vampire Whores from Outer Space, Bloodsucking Babes from Burbank, Cadaverella, Trees and Trees 2: The Root of All Evil.



Q: I can't believe no one mentioned Stephen Kings "Maximum Overdrive"! It has killer coke machines, vulgar atm's, little league baseball kids getting steamrolled, but at least it's so bad its funny.
-DW



A: Maximum Overdrive has a bit of a cult following and I don't find it all that bad. The Green Goblin truck is bitching and the AC/DC soundtrack is awesome. The 1986 film about machines achieving some sort of sentient life and terrorizing humans is the only feature film directed by Stephen King. According to imdb, King later admitted to being "coked out of my mind" during the making of the film. There were several mishaps during the film. An ice cream truck that was supposed to flip end over end instead only flipped once and then slid on its top, nearly running over a cameraman. In another scene where a lawnmower comes to life the remote controlled mower accidentally ran over a wooden camera support. Splinters injured cinematographer Armando Nannuzzi and he lost an eye. He later sued King for $18 million. The case was settled out of court for an undisclosed amount.

Q: Ghost Rider was an abysmal film. Only time I've literally fallen asleep in a theatre. Friends should never force you to pay for shitty movies...same friend who dragged me to Transformers 2. And he had the audacity to fall asleep when I dragged him to Pan's Labyrinth.
-neverAcquiesce

A: In the theater I think the only film I ever fell asleep at was Seven Pounds with Will Smith last year. Well, my mom told me she took me to see The Fox and the Hound when I was two as my first trip to a drive-in theater and I slept through most of that. I don't think we can count that. While we're here, the first movie I ever remember seeing was at the drive-in and it was Return of the Jedi. I would have been four.

Q: Hey Leonard, with the mlb playoffs starting this week I was wondering what are the best & worst baseball movies?
-Rusty Shackleford

A: This is a topic we've covered before. So it allows me to do a reprint and save time. Thanks Dale…I mean Rusty.



Field of Dreams (1989): A very magical family film that was one of the first to explore the mythology of the game and how that has been threaded into the fabric of America and the American dream. While I never thought Kevin Costner looked totally comfortable in Bull Durham he is perfectly suited to play the perplexed everyman who turns a portion of his Iowa cornfield into a ball diamond and has the ghosts of long dead players coming to play on it. James Earl Jones, Ray Liotta and Burt Lancaster, in his last feature film, are magnificent in support and seem to really grasp the melancholy flavor and almost dream like state that director Phil Robinson was going for. It really tells you why baseball is America's pastime and why so many people identify strongly with the sport.

While we're here, I do enjoy Bull Durham and I like the game parts of For Love of the Game, but I find the rest of it to be a bit too soapy and overly dramatic. I did a fantasy movie baseball draft with Michael Huckaby a few years ago, you can probably find it in the archives, and I took Costner from both of the above movies so he could be his own battery. Oh, here it is.



Major League (1989): Sort of the flipside toDreams, this is a ribald, broad comedy that looks at the commercialism and egotism of major league baseball with a knowing wink. It's one of the best scripts I've ever seen for a comedy. It creates specific characters that would go one to become sports film stereotypes; the overly religious guy, the punk kid, the complete weirdo, the broken down has been, the cocky superstar who's not as good as he thinks he is. It's dialogue and game situations are true to life and add realism that helps to offset the broad humor. Most importantly, it follows the conventions of screenwriting 101 to a T. You quickly and precisely introduce the characters and plot while getting into the now of the narrative. For instance, in the restaurant scene where Jake looks over the balcony and sees Lynn he's asked who she is and he says "My wife…well, almost." That tells you exactly what their relationship was and is. It relates all the info you need to know in four words. The finale is also highly emotional and perfectly caps the character arcs of the characters, just a funny and good movie.

Again, while we're here, I met Corbin Bernsen at the last Chiller Movie Expo and had him sign the above DVD cover. He was a lot nicer than I thought he would be. He was seated next to his wife, Amanda Pays, who was on "The Flash" series and next to her was John Wesley Shipp who played the Flash. Shipp was just getting in and set up. Bernsen said hello to him, but Shipp didn't hear him. So, Bernsen threw a marker at Shipp and hit him in the elbow. Shipp looked over, saw Bernsen and smiled. Bernsen pointed at him and yelled "John Wesley Shipp…you ain't fast!"



The Natural (1984): Perhaps a little soapy and a shift from the novel with Robert Redford taking too much control, but I love the film. The story is fantastic, drawing from real life elements and mixing in Arthurian legend. It demonstrates how sports figures are our new folk legends and heroes replacing the likes of frontiersmen such as Davey Crocket or war generals like Ulysses S. Grant. So many elements of the film have become iconic and universally known even to those who haven't seen the film; like the lightening striking the tree and Roy making a bat out of it and the climactic scene of him drilling one into the lights and sparks bathing the field. The last twenty minutes chokes me up and has me on the edge of my seat every time I see it.



The Babe Ruth Story (1948): One of the most unintentionally hilarious films I've seen and one where most baseball film clichés and spoofs come from. You know that scene where the guy promises to do something impossible to a dying child, this is the movie that created that. It plays fast and loose with the Babe's life in order to make him a humble humanitarian when he was really a drunken, carousing loud mouth. Other great bits has Ruth rushing a dog to the hospital in the middle of a game after he hits him with a line drive and going into a bar and ordering a milk. Ruth is played by William Bendix, who has the right size and general features, but didn't even know how to play baseball until he walked onto the set the first day. His batting stance and swing is pathetic and really distracts.



Fear Strikes Out (1957): That's one of the best bad titles ever. Anthony Perkins (Psycho) plays real life Red Sox Jimmy Piersall who suffered from mental illness and had a nervous breakdown. He sought treatment and eventually returned to the majors. While Piersall's story is fascinating and Perkins is very good in the title role, the facts are so distorted that Piersall disowned the film and verbally bashed it upon release. Not able to deal with the fact that Piersall was actually sick, they pin everything on his hard driving father, played by Karl Malden. Piersall denied that his dad was overbearing or mean and pushed him to play baseball when he didn't want to. It's standard Hollywood gloss and sugar coating that tries to be dramatic but winds up being one of many standard biopics that plays out the way the studio suits wanted it to.



The Bad News Bears Goes to Japan (1978): I wanted to throw this one in here for you guys because it features Tony Curtis getting his ass handed to him by Antonio Inoki. In this third installment, Curtis, a small time conman, takes over the team and flies them to Japan to take on their national little league champs. Many of the kids from the first two movies don't appear here and the new players aren't really setoff. Jackie Earl Haley returns as Kelly Leak and is given a useless romantic subplot with a Japanese girl. If there's one thing a Bad News Bears movie needs, it's a romantic subplot. This was during the period where Curtis was working for cocaine and it shows as he alternates between looking half dead and half annoyed throughout the movie.

Q: How you can talk about the worst movies of all time and not include "Raiders of the Living Dead"?

What about "Xtro", "House 4" or my personal favorite:- "Witchcraft", which stars The Hoff and Linda Blair and is quite frankly, absolute dog eggs.

Away from horror, the Hoff returns in "Bail Out", which makes Hulk Hogans movies look like Martin Scorcese and Robert De Niro epics.

I actually collect shit films and trade with my friends to see who possesses the worst of the worst.

My mate is currently in the lead as he owns "Van Wilder 2 : The Rise of Taj", which is one of the worst films I have ever, ever had the misfortune to endure.
-The Truth of It All



A: Raiders of the Living Dead from 1986 stars Robert Deeveau as a newspaper reporter who ventures to a remote island where Dr. Carstairs (Robert Allen) is reanimating the dead. Before the movie was finished, the producers sold the rough cut rights to the USA Network, which showed it on "Up All Night," and then used the money to actually finish the film.



Xtro from 1983 sees Sam (Phillip Sayer) return from three years away after being captured by aliens. He returns to his wife Rachel (Bernice Stegers) and son Tony (Simon Nash), but Rachel is living with Joe (Danny Brainin) now. Joe and Sam are at odds, as Rachel realizes something is wrong with Sam and he's affecting his son in negative ways.

House IV: Home Deadly Home from 1992 was the direct to video continuation of the House series. It's actually the third movie, but the unrelated The Horror Show was called House 3 in the UK and Australia, so the makers of this one just said screw it and called this the fourth one. William Katt returns briefly as Roger Cobb from the first movie. He dies in a car wreck and its up to his widow (Terri Treas) and daughter (Melissa Clayton) to move into and hopefully sell his haunted family manor.



Witchcraft from 1988 is about a woman who has strange dreams while pregnant. They stop when she has the baby, but return when she moves into her mother-in-law's house. She eventually discovers that her husband and his mother are reincarnations of a couple burned at the stake for witches over 300 years ago. They've made 13 of these so far, 13! As the series went on it became more soft-core porno than horror.



Bail Out from 1989 was a direct to video travesty that reunites the Hoff and Linda Blair. Three bounty hunters attempt to keep a witness in a drug trial alive. The alternate title is after the three bounty hunters W.B., Blue and the Bean. W.B. is Hoff's character, White Bread.

I don't know if I can compete with you guys, but giving a quick glance over my DVD catalogue I would say these are the worst movies I own. I didn't count burns or bootlegs. Just legitimate stuff.
April Fool's Day
Avengers
Beware of the Blob autographed by star Gwynne Gilford
Jesse James Meets Frankenstein's Daughter and Billy the Kid Versus Dracula
Werewolf of Washington
Frankenstein Meets the Space Monster
Frogs
God Monster of Indian Flats (haven't watched it yet, but I'm counting it anyway)
Jet Pilot
Kingdom of the Spiders
Leonard Part 6
Night of the Lepus
Plan 9 From Outer Space signed by Conrad Brooks
Robot Monster
Santa Claus Conquers the Martians
Thunder in Paradise collection
White Comanche
Xanadu

Q: Hey, Leonard. Thanks for the response this week. I have a couple more questions to add if you don't mind.
1. What shows do you consider to be the most overrated? My top 3 in no particular order would be Everybody Love Raymond, Frasier, Friends and I Love Lucy.
2.What do you believe to be the best movie of the 2000's? The worst?
-Spaghett

A: As you noted later "I Love Lucy" makes four and I wouldn't call it overrated. "I Love Lucy" invented the modern sitcom and was groundbreaking in many ways, both in the technical world of television and socially. The series featured the first interracial couple ever on TV and the first ever-real life pregnant woman.

"Frasier" I always really liked too. It had a great ensemble cast and great writing that used those characters to the best effect. The other two shows I never watched much and don't care for.

"Seinfeld" is a series I always thought was overrated, but I did get into it more in reruns. I didn't find it particularly innovative or groundbreaking as some did. Pretty much the sitcom was going through another low period and where "Seinfeld" managed to revitalize it was being a series not revolving around a family or work place as just about every successful sitcom previous had. I also never thought any of the characters were likable. I wouldn't be friends with any of those people in real life. I actually liked that they pointed out what terrible individuals the characters were in the final episode, which were a turn off to some long time fans, but to me it was the type of knowing bit that actually made me like the show.

"24" and "Lost" I put into the same bag where not only can't you miss an episode, but if you take too long making a sandwich or using the bathroom during the commercial break and come back a few minutes late you have no idea what's going on. True, in this day and age of being able to easily record TV shows and even pause and rewind live TV, it's less of a problem. However, the principle of the thing to me is that I shouldn't have to be a slave to any television series. It's there to entertain me at my leisure, not to dictate to me when it will entertain.

As a dude, I have to include "Sex and the City." Again, you have a cast of characters that are highly unlikable. Even worse here is that they act like the sky is falling over a hang nail and seems to be equally insulting in its vapid, egocentric portrayal of men and women.

For me, I like to have a few more years to have passed in order to look back and form an opinion on what the best and worst movie of the decade is. I can say looking over my film reviews that the highest rating I've given is to The Dark Knight and the worst has been to Year One.

Q: I don't know if you have done this topic before, but what are your favorite movie posters of all time?
-JLAJRC

A: The only authentic poster I own and have framed is Color of Money, which long time readers will know is my all time favorite movie.



I like the Pulp Fiction poster for looking like a beat up paperback novel cover. The dime price tag is a nice touch and Uma Thurman has probably never looked hotter.



In a similar vein, I liked Out of Sight for having a sort of seventies look in the style, lettering and colors. That more than anything probably translates the feel the movie is going for to viewers.



Jaws has one of the most famous posters ever and it's even a drawing and not a shot from the movie or a promo photo of some sort. It's just the unsuspecting swimmer at the top with the shark at the bottom. We know what's going to happen, but we don't see it and that concept builds a lot of images in the viewers mind.



Q: If you could bring back one TV show that got cancelled after one season or just didn't get a proper ending, what would it be? I would nominate Keen Eddie or even Freakylinks. For a more recent one I would have to say Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles...
-Mario

A: Two series we've talked about lately that I don't think got proper endings were "King of the Hill" and "Married with Children." An episode about Hank and Bobby bonding over Bobby's ability to grade meat doesn't say grand finale to me. Kelly getting married makes for a nice season finale, but I don't think the characters were exactly capped off. A series like that calls for a quirky ending where they all die or get trapped on a desert island or something.

Lots of people were upset with "The Sopranos" finale where it just stops as Meadow walks into the diner and Tony looks up. No closure there to the characters. Maybe everybody was expecting the whole cast to be whacked, but you can still offer closure without death.

An interesting mention here is the series "Models, Inc." The series ended with a "to be continued…" stamp after a hitman attempted to kill Adam at his wedding. When the show was aired later on E! an alternate taped ending was shown where Emma Sams character is killed off and the modeling agency is closed up in hasty fashion.



It should be noted that prior to the seventies and the big capper of Dr. Richard Kimball actually finding the one-armed man on "The Fugitive," most shows didn't have a giant finale. So, some of the best love and remembered series of all time just went off the air without a big closer, just because it wasn't done.

While we're on the subject of television, here is a clip of something fantastic, scary and sad all at the same time.



Q: Hey,

A few days ago, a friend of mine got me hooked into a slowly growing mystery in the world of television. On one of the promos put together for the new season of "House", there is a tune that no one seems to know the name of.

Now, I know people have said that they've also heard it during the Big East Tournament, but no one seems to know where this theme comes from. I'm not sure if this would be considered "TV" or "Music", but I thought I'd send it your way, since it's your column I'm always reading *l*.

Any chance you or any of your readers have any idea about this? It just bugs me to have a good-sounding tune where no one can seemingly find who it's done by. I don't like unsolved mysteries.
Peace,
-Andy



A: I have no clue and couldn't find anything. So maybe a reader will have some insight. It sounds like just generic promo music to me. It's probably some generic public domain fanfare that might not even have an official name.

Q: Hey man, I like the column, I just got a couple questions for you. What happened to the show California Dreams, a show about a bunch of teenagers in a band. I was told it would be out on DVD in March but it never happened. What gives? Also, how many seasons did Early Edition last for? It was about a guy who gets the newspaper a day in advance. How did the show finish? I guess I do have a few more questions, why was "Life" cancelled? Any chance of "Ghostwriter", "Step by Step" or "Family Matters" being put on DVD? Thanks for the help in advance.
-Kevin

A: "California Dreams" aired from 1992 to 1996 on NBC Saturday mornings as a companion piece to the successful "Saved by the Bell." It revolved around a group of teens that seemed mismatched to be friends, but were united over their love for music and their attempts to push their band. The final episode had all of the band members going their own way, but not before playing one last gig. Tiffani was moving to Hawaii to study marine biology. Sam was gong to England to study physics. Mark was moving back to New York. Tony was going to try acting. Sly and Lorena were going to college at Pacific University. Jake took a recording contract that was offered to him. Seasons 1 and 2 were released in March and you can find it on Amazon.



"Early Edition" ran for four seasons from 1996 to 2000 for 90 episodes total. In the series finale, it's revealed that Gary (Kyle Chandler) started getting the early paper due to being given a Swiss Army knife by a man named Lucius Snow, who saved Gary's life as a child. The knife is imprinted with the initials of whoever is to receive the early paper next and changes every time it's passed on. Gary gives the knife to Lindsey Romick, a young girl who just lost her grandfather. This means that when Gary dies or is unable to receive the paper for any reason, Lindsey will start getting them. The first two seasons are on DVD.



"Life" was an NBC police drama that ran two seasons, being cancelled last May. Damian Lewis played a police detective who was released from prison after serving 12 years for murders he didn't commit with a new lease on life based on embracing zen philosophy. It was axed pretty much for poor ratings. It debuted with about 10 million viewers and was at around half that in season two. You might also notice that NBC doesn't have a lot of hour long dramas now because of Jay Leno hogging the 10 p.m. time slot.

A television compilation disc of six episodes of "Step by Step" was released in 2005. Some studios will release samplers like this to judge want for season sets. This didn't sell well, so probably no season sets coming soon. "Family Matters" was slated for a similar disc at the same time, according to tvshowsondvd.com, but it never saw the light of day. "Ghost Writer" does not appear to be inline for a DVD release anytime soon either from what I could find.

Don't die.

"I thought you said we didn't have any high priced talent on this team."
"I forgot about Dorn because he's only high priced."