A Fool's Utopia 10.15.09: Freddy vs. Jason...Again

Posted by Ron Martin on 10.15.2009

This week in one man's utopia we compare the remakes of Friday the 13th and Nightmare on Elm Street as well as talk Madballs v2.0, Paranormal Activity and talk about the wedding of Jim and Pam. As an added bonus for the collectors out there, we have dwarves frolicking through fields!

I've seen the preview clips. I've read the marketing materials. I've seen the stills and know the history. I have come to this preconceived conclusion: The new Nightmare on Elm Street will not go over as well as the new Friday the 13th did. Will that stop them from making sequel after sequel, turning over a quick dollar on those who either feel they must see them all or who have no qualms about seeing whatever is in the theater regardless of quality? Of course not.

I am a known hater of remakes/re-imaginings/updating, whatever they're calling these things these days. They reek of a lack of creativity and laziness. I thought this when Friday the 13th came out, but it eventually won me over and I went to see the movie and even met Derek Mears (who may be the nicest man on the planet). Nightmare doesn't sit the same with me. I don't forsee myself softening my stance enough on this one to plop down $10 to see it in a theater. Eventually, curiousity might win my $1 for a Redbox when the DVD comes out, but by then I'll know what I'm getting myself into.



Why did the Friday reboot work, where as I have my doubts on the new Nightmare movie? Let's look at some reasons:

Friday the 13th was more a reboot than a remake. It sounds like a cop out, I know. Friday the 13th borrowed a few plot elements from the first four original Friday the 13th movies (such as a brother looking for his sister, the beheading of his mom, etc.). With the exception of the retelling of the death of Pamela Vorhees, the new Friday the 13th played out like every other Friday the 13th movie. It could have been a sequel. It was just another Friday the 13th flick. The new Nightmare while not a shot for shot remake, has borrowed more elements from the original film. Thus, it will be compared to the original film more intensely than the Friday movie.



One problem with this are the kills. Jason kills a crapload of people. He chops them in the face, decapitates them and stabs them through the back. He slices and dices without remorse. Freddy plays with his victims. He sets up elaborate dream sequences and feeds on their fear before clawing them in the gut or pulling them into a waterbed and ripping them limb from limb. Needless to say, with few exceptions, Freddy's kills are much more memorable. When they are re-enacted on the screen, it's much more obvious they are being copied from the original films. This is going to draw more comparisons to the original film, which for a remake is never a good idea.

What about the look of Freddy, himself? I know the new production crew is going for a more realistic burn victim look, but is this going to work? Freddy has a very stylized look. It wasn't pretty nor was it entirely accurate, but it worked. It was marketable and allowed Robert Englund freedom of facial expression. This new makeup job doesn't seem to offer Jack Earle Haley the fame freedom. A lot of the pull of the original Nightmare series was Freddy Krueger's charisma or Englund's ability to bring that charisma to life on the screen.



Along the same lines, Jason wears a mask. The same character has been played by no less than 11 men (if you count Roy in Part 5). The formula is simple, get a big dude put him in the same outfit, throw a hockey mask on him and let's move forward. Freddy isn't quite as simple. I remember there being some rumblings over replacing Robert Englund in later films (most notably Freddy vs. Jason), but the fanbase revolted against that. Freddy's look is more personal. Robert Englund engrossed himself in the character. While Haley is a fine actor, it remains to be seen if he can bring the mixture of horror/charisma to Freddy that the character needs to succeed.

The Nightmare on Elm Street remake will make money. People will go see it, regardless of the quality. Unlike the Friday the 13th movie, however, the Nightmare movie will be held to the standards of the original Nightmare on Elm Street movie. We all know that a remake is never as good as the original.

SEVEN DAYS CLOSER
A recap of Halloween related activities

Thursday



Halloween incense. It may be the greatest smelling incense of all time. I don't burn a lot of the stuff, but when I need a little Halloween pick me up, I break out the jack-o-lantern littered box, a lighter and instant Halloween.

Friday



In preparation for my annual trip to Salem, MA, I performed my annual ritual of watching Disney's Hocus Pocus, a very fun and underrated Halloween flick set and filmed in Salem. A very young Thora Birch is one of the stars, but I am surprised every year by the performances of the witches. Bette Midler, Kathy Najimi and Sarah Jessica Parker really get into their characters of the Sanderson Sisters in what ended up being a throw away film. If you haven't seen it, you can get it for cheap. It's a fun Halloween film that really sets the mood for the month.

Saturday



Spent most of the day in the car, but I am happy to report having listened to hours of Coast to Coast AM. For those not in the know, this is a four hour nightly radio program discussing everything from ghosts to conspiracy theories to science. I caught couple of episodes in regards to the most active paranormal spots in the country and the legend of Bigfoot. Can't go wrong with that.

Sunday



Spending the day in Salem, we decided to hit the Nightmare Factory. This is a haunted attraction in the middle of the mall. Like all haunted attractions in Salem, it's small and thrown together to get the tourist dollar. That being said, this one wasn't too bad. They had a theme of a "nightmare making machine" and a guide to walk you through the attraction. The woman got scared at least twice, so by that measure it was a success. Why did we have to wear the 3D glasses, I do not know. Nothing was really in 3D, but there was lots of 3D type paint splattered all over the walls – you know what I'm talking about.

Monday

Found the greatest store ever, here in Massachusetts. It's a "five and under" store. I don't know if you can devise this by the name of the store, but everything in the store is five dollars or less. That includes these guys.



A whole slew of Madballs for $2 each. While they are not the better, original Madballs, they were only $2. Even the most faithful followers of Aargh and the adventures of the Madballs of the 80s will dip into their pocket for $2. Partly because of the price and partly because they are obviously not selling that well if even the $5 store has them marked down just to get rid of them. Dust Brain and Freaky Fullback will make a fine centerpiece for my dining room table.

Tuesday



Saw the much hyped Paranormal Activity. It was good. I don't think it was as good as Blair Witch, but I know that movie is very polarizing. I think maybe I had built it up too much in my mind. It was scary, to be sure, but the ending was a little hokey. I had much more of a "these people are being incredibly stupid in how they are handling this" vibe than I ever had with Blair Witch. That being said, I think it was a good movie and I really like the concept. There should be more movies from the camera's point of view. 7 out of 10.

FIVE COMPLETELY RANDOM THOUGHTS

1. I don't know about the Jim/Pam wedding. I know that I have been a lot more down on Jim and Pam than most everyone else. I do like the characters, but I feel like the decline in overall writing quality can be linked directly to the two of them hooking up. However, I had mixed emotions coming into the wedding. The wedding represents the pinnacle of the show. It's the episode the show has been working towards since the very first episode. My emotions were mixed because with it being such a big episode, it got little to no build up. The build up consisted just of Pam asking for money in a subplot of the previous week's episode. That's it.



It was funny, it just wasn't epic. I can't say it was a failure because no character acted out of character. I didn't think the dancing wedding party (and for some reason, the dancing office employees who were not in the wedding party) was particularly funny, but it was totally in character with Michael Scott. A far greater sin is the fact that Stanley, Phyllis, Ryan and Angela had about 20 lines between the four of them. I don't think this is a top five episode or even the best wedding the show has had. I'll give it a B-. Entertaining, but underwhelming. Woody's wedding on Cheers still remains the bar by which all other TV weddings should be judged.

2. Speaking of being judged, I find it harder and harder to keep my original "douchebag" moninker for Justin Timberlake. First the SNL videos and now the Sony commercials with Peyton Manning, Erin Andrews and the world's fastest reader. Why must you break out of stereotypes I want to keep you repressing in, Justin? Why?

3. Something I will never understand about the east coast – all the Dunkin Donuts. Dunkin Donuts hit my area in the mid-80s and quickly became famous for being one of the few places around that would hire 14-year-olds. I never worked there but I did scarf down many a free donut provided by my friends. After a few years, it faded away. On the east coast? Two Dunkin Donuts per block and they are all packed all the time. Your guess is as good as mine.

4. The 3D thing has gotten out of control – and not just in haunted attractions. Disney is getting stupid with the entire 3D fad. They've re-released Toy Story 1 and 2 in 3D with a re-release of a 3D Beauty and the Beast coming soon. As I say, no one knows how to get more of your money than Disney, but this is ridiculous. Do we need all these films released in 3D? Re-release for people to see on the bigscreen, I can deal with, but do we have to bow to every movie fad that comes along? I'm just not a fan of the entire 3D thing. Same goes with snuggies.

5. The Futurama Complete Collection? Yes, please. I knew I was putting off buying those "volumes" of Futurama for a reason.



Have you ever watched It's the Great Pumpkin and the Garfield Halloween Special back-to-back…on TV? Do you remember when it was hard to find porn? When Mountain Dew was only one color? If any of these sounds like you, you may be ready for a little RETRO action.

I'd like to start off this week's RETRO not with a Halloween related activity or a toy from the 80s, but with something that just popped in my head with no hints or thought process involved – it just popped in randomly. Such is the life of Jimmy the Cab Driver.



Jimmy the Cab Driver was an MTV regular back in the early 90s, making random appearances during commercial breaks explaining various videos and miscallenous MTV vignettes to those not in the know. Jimmy is about the greasiest, dirtiest Boston cab driver you can find. I have taken my fair share of cabs in Boston, and unfortunately, have never come across anyone quite like Jimmy McBride – it has been close, however. Here's a shot of Jimmy in action explaining "Cannonball" by the Breeders to the unfortunate few who need it explained to them.



The observant reader may actually recognize Jimmy. Yes, that's Donal Logue before he got "his big break" with Grounded for Life or Comic Book Villians, whichever floats your boat. Yes, it hurts me to think that Jimmy McBride ended up with Megyn Price as well.

Forgotten Music Video





I don't know if this is forgotten are not. It certainly is not in my circle, but I have to hope for the sake of humanity that the things still remembered fondly in said circle do not represent the thoughts of the masses. Simply put, this has to be in the running for greatest video of all time involving a dwarf frolicking through fields. Really do I need to say more? A DWARF FROLICKING THROUGH FIELDS! What does it take, people?

Random Shot from Random SNES game I owned

23 YEARS AGO TODAY

October 15, 1986

#1 Song


"When I Think of You" by Janet Jackson


#1 Album



Top Gun Soundtrack

#1 Movie



Crocodile Dundee

NOTABLE OPENS: Peggy Sue Got Married, Jumpin' Jack Flash

I must leave you now.