The October Zombie-Thon 2009 - Day 18: Onechanbara: Zombie Bikini Squad

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.18.2009

See, good things CAN happen when you keep Uwe Boll away from video game movies.

ONECHANBARA: ZOMBIE BIKINI SQUAD (2008)




Directed by: Yôhei Fukuda
Written by: Yôhei Fukuda & Yasutoshi Murakawa
Country: Japan


Based on a popular video-game series of the same name, Onechanbara is about Aya, a hot, cowboy-hat wearing, sword-wielding chick in a bikini. She teams up with Reiko, a hot, shotgun-wielding chick in a tight leather outfit. Together, they're looking for Aya's evil sister Saki, a hot, also-sword-wielding chick in a schoolgirl outfit. Oh, and this is all taking place in a zombie-infested wasteland.

Sure, there's a little bit more to it than that…but c'mon, do you really need anymore?

Still, I'll go ahead and elaborate, no matter how unnecessary it may be. The story takes place in a zombie-ravaged future, and finds the silent-but-deadly Aya and her portly companion Katsuji on a constant hunt – for both Saki and her employer, Dr. Sugita, the man responsible for the zombie plague. It's a case of double-revenge – Aya wants to make Saki answer for killing their father when they were young, while Katsuji wants to see Sugita pay for creating the zombies that killed his little sister. The two eventually meet up with Reiko, herself looking for revenge for the death of her daughter, and since the three have common goals and enemies, it only makes sense to team-up and work together.

Oh, and I should probably also mention that Aya and Saki belong to a family of assassins with some sort of magical bloodline. This is seemingly very important to the story, but I never fully understood it. As far as I can tell, it's only included so as to justify their super-power abilities to defy gravity and literally burst into flame and shoot fireballs with their swords. Yeah, it's that kind of movie.

Having never played the video-games, I can't really say how accurate of an adaptation this movie is. But, frankly, I bet it's accurate enough. From what I understand, in the game universe the Saki character is actually Aya's sidekick, not her enemy. That might seem like an awfully big change, but at the end of day, I'm sure those who enjoy the "hot chicks fighting zombies" aspect of the game probably won't find too much to quibble about with the "hot chicks fighting zombies" aspect of the movie. And besides, pitting Aya and Saki against each other allows for a hot sister vs. hot sister final sword battle…and what self-respecting fanboy could possibly take issue with that?

And really, how crazy do you have to be to complain about anything plot-related in a movie like this? Onechanbara is not a film one comes to looking for sterling characterization or inspired storytelling. Even if you're unfamiliar with the games like me, I think you know pretty much what you're getting into just by looking at the film's poster. All that's really required from the movie is to not drop the ball on the obvious potential of a hot chick in a bikini killing zombies…the fact that the movie gives us two more hot chicks just about instantly puts it in the red.

But, OK, maybe I'm going a little easy on the flick. Truth be told, this could have just as easily gone the other way. With paper-thin characters and only the slightest hint of an actual plot, Onechanbara risks the same miserable fate as so many cheap, cheesy video game adaptations before it – and, in fact, on several occasions it comes pretty damn close. The sets are often dull, the digital video format looks pretty rough sometimes (particularly during nighttime sequences)…heck, even Aya's signature rose tattoo is quite clearly a rub-on.

But the good news is Onechanbara does deliver in the one area where a movie like this really needs to deliver – the action. First time director Yôhei Fukuda employs a live-action-manga approach to the film's numerous hack-and-slash sequences, and as such the sight of Aya taking on a room of zombies becomes a visual delight of exaggerated mayhem. The movie might obviously be low-budget, but it's clear that the majority of what budget they had went into these sequences, which are extremely well-choreographed and amplified by some very cool FX work. Let's face it, these are the scenes that we're here to see, and they don't disappoint. The final battle between Aya and Saki, in particular – which sees the two literally taking to the air and even teleporting to gain the advantage – is one of the most flat-out enjoyable action sequences I have ever witnessed in a video-game movie.

I realize to simply say this is better than most other video-game movies is not really amazing praise, especially considering that in recent years seemingly 80% of video-game movies have been directed by crap-meister Uwe Boll. But still, there's no reason to pretend this is anything more than it really is. Onechanbara is a stupid movie, but it's also undeniably effective in its own way. It's fun, it's sexy, it's gory – it's exactly what it should be. I'm gonna go out on a limb and say that anyone who would actually want to watch a movie like Onechanbara is going to get exactly what they're looking for here…and maybe even a little more, assuming your video-game movie expectations have already been sufficiently lowered by rubbish like Bloodrayne or Dungeon Siege.

FINAL SCORE: 3.5 out of 4 Bubs (Highly Recommended)