The October Zombie-Thon 2009 - Day 20: Zombie Night
Posted by Trevor Snyder on 10.20.2009
These actors are apparently real human beings, but you wouldn't know it from watching the movie.
ZOMBIE NIGHT (2003)
Directed by: David J. Francis
Written by: Amber Lynn Francis & David J. Francis
Country: Canada
It's tough to be too cynical about Zombie Night. This is because Amber Lynn Francis – one half of the married filmmaking duo responsible for the movie – sadly died during the making of the film. The finished product is lovingly dedicated to her. I'm not saying this earns the film a pass, but it certainly makes one think twice before going after the film with both barrels blazing.
So it is with some relief, then, that I can at least report that as Zombie Night is – and boy, is it stupid – I was by genuinely entertained by it. There were times when the movie was so awful that I wondered if it was all some sort of practical joke on the audience, and other times where I knew it wasn't a joke, but rather just the incompetent work of filmmakers obviously in over their heads. No matter what, though, I was always amused by what I was seeing. Not exactly in the same way I'm amused by an actual film of high quality, of course. But even this level of sick enjoyment should count for something. Especially since it's really all Zombie Night has to offer.
After all, there is not an original thought in Zombie Night's brain. A rather obvious homage to the zombie films of George Romero, Zombie Night plays like the Cliff's Notes version of a dozen other, better zombie movies that you've already seen. We meet Mark and Amber, a married couple on their way back from spending a couple weeks at a cottage with their daughter. Unfortunately, they are not aware that while they were gone WWIII broke out, and seemingly the entire planet has been plunged into a zombie apocalypse due to the nuclear fallout. No, let's stop here for a second, shall we? I suppose I can accept that their cottage had no radio, television, or Internet. But didn't they bring their phones with them?? And if so, didn't any of their friends and loved ones like them enough to call with the news that the world is ending?? What a shit group of acquaintances this family has.
Anyway, after hearing about all this on their car's radio, it doesn't take very long for Mark and Amber to acclimate themselves to the news that everything they know is essentially gone. They grab their daughter and quickly hole up in a nearby warehouse, apparently hoping to hide from any potential radiation (good plan!). Before long they meet other survivors, who inform them of the new zombie danger. Mark acts like it's the craziest thing he's ever heard…even though we've already seen him hear it before, just a couple minutes ago, on the car radio. Maybe he's like that dude from Memento?
Regardless, seeing is believing, and after witnessing an undead attack with his own eyes Mark wises up and suggests that all survivors stick together and start watching out for each other. A pretty damn good chunk of the rest of the movie is just spent watching this group learn to deal with the new world order (I mean the fact that there are zombies now, not the wrestling group). The group slowly grows in size (if you like movies where new characters are constantly arriving and introducing themselves to our main characters, then this is the movie for you!) and finds a nice building to call home, figuring out a way to barricade themselves in at night, thus protecting them from the zombies. What about the day, you ask? Well, yeah, about that – in this movie, the zombies only come out at night (hence the title). Why is this, you ask? I wish I had the answer.
So, anyhow, apart from the occasional suicide from those who can't stand to live in this new society, things seem to be going mostly OK for our band of survivors. But what kind of Romero-wannabe movie would this be without a scathing critique of human nature even in the face of hopefully world-uniting tragedy? In this case, it's accomplished with a psychotic ex-cop who at first just frenetically questions every decision the group makes, and then eventually moves up to flat out murdering those who won't listen to him. In response, the group decides not to kill him on the spot, but rather just lets him loose out into the wasteland, where hopefully the zombies will take care of him. The audience – having watched all the movies that these characters never did but really should have – knows this is a bad idea. Sure enough, he soon returns, looking for revenge….spelling disaster for the entire compound.
I realize this description doesn't make Zombie Night sound all that different from scores of other Romero tributes out there, and right now you might be wondering how I was even halfway entertained by such a tired, pedestrian plot as this. Well, it wasn't so much the story as it was the hilariously incompetent execution. Now, to be fair, the movie looks fairly professional, and the zombie make-up and copious gore FX range from "passable" to "much better than expected."
What sinks Zombie Night, then, (or elevates it, depending on your viewpoint) is its magic combination of an unbelievably dreadful script with one of the most horrible ensemble of actors you will ever see. It's like you're watching the world's worst dinner theater troupe put on a pathetic adaptation of Night of the Living Dead that they hurriedly wrote seconds before stepping on stage. I'm serious…it's really, really, really bad. So bad that at times I figured director David J. Francis must have hated the actors, and was possibly taking great glee at unleashing these embarrassing, reel-destroying performances out into the public. At least that would explain the moment when an actor flubs his line and it is not only left in the movie, but one of the other actors mocks him for it…in the scene!
A vendetta against the actors might also help explain why David and Amber Francis saddled them with such horrendous dialogue in the first place. Don't get me long, it's not like this group would do any better with Shakespeare – nor do I think they even deserve to be allowed anywhere near something the quality of the Bard. But their already weak skills aren't helped any here by having to say things like "everybody works together…and nobody works alone!" On more than one occasion characters talk about things they couldn't possibly know (like events that happened to other characters just moments ago). At least that kinda makes them look otherworldly wise. The alternative is to sound like a complete imbecile, like the guy that gets bit and, despite having already seen similar bites turn numerous others, decides not to kill himself. "I beat cancer," he emphatically states, "and I can beat this, too!" This is not a smart man.
Still, in an odd way, this uneasy collision of piss-poor writing and wooden acting is what gives Zombie Night its perverse watch-ability (well, that and two pretty good topless scenes). The "zombie-movie-greatest-hits" story is certainly nothing special, but the ultra-awkward performances of the lead actors lends the whole thing a strange sort of charm for the type of people who would rather watch Plan 9 from Outer Space than the latest Academy Award contender. Not that Zombie Night is even half as fun as an Ed Wood film – I don't want to give it that much credit. But it's not a bad option when looking for a fun crap movie as comedic pick-me-up…assuming you can put aside the unfortunate real life tragedy of the movie while watching it.
FINAL SCORE: 2.5 out of 4 Bubs (Mildly Recommended...but only for bad movie night)
