The Big Screen Bulletin 11.02.09: The Worst Movies of the Alphabet (From K-S)

Posted by Chad Webb on 11.02.2009

The second part of "The Worst Movies of the Alphabet" is here. This is a list of films Earl Dittman probably has on his shlef right now. Enjoy!

Here we are and it's the second week of my "Worst Movies of the Alphabet" special. I should probably describe how I view a bad movie. This might explain why I chose certain films and left out others. One can make fun of just about any movie they want, but if the movie I'm watching is bad on a level that I can make fun of it and laugh in the process, then in my mind it is not nearly as bad as some would make you believe. This is the case with Batman & Robin. Sure, it is really bad, but I could watch it again and have a grand old time making fun of it. The movies that are truly awful to me are the ones that make me angry, the ones that elicit no laughs, no thrills, or anything that could be misconstrued as enjoyment. They are films that I would absolutely never want to watch again.

A couple things to remember:

-"The, A, and An" do not count as the first words in a title
-I will not use any film from Mystery Science Theater 3000. I explained why in the previous portion.

You can view the list from A-J by clicking right here!

K is for…
	Kazaam

Kazaam

Directed By: Paul Michael Glaser
Written By: Christian Ford and Roger Soffer
Starring: Shaquille O'Neal, Francis Capra, and Ally Walker
Release Date: July 17, 1996
The Plot: Being a lone young boy in the 'hood" is dangerous and unpleasant. This is what Max experiences when he fools a gang of local toughs who cornered him at school. The gang finds out that the key he gave them is of no value in committing a robbery, and they chase him through the streets of his neighborhood, bent on revenge. He tries to escape by slipping into the open door of an old warehouse, but they follow him there, too. While running from them through aisles filled with all kinds of stuff, he bumps into an old boombox. By doing that, he manages to release Kazaam, a genie who has been held captive for thousands of years. In order to stay free, Kazaam must give Max three wishes.

In the mid 90's, Shaquille O'Neal was just about everywhere. He was a star basketball player, a rap artist, an actor, and he even had his own video game…Shaq Fu for Sega Genesis. I have heard his music, played the game, and seen many of his movies. The fact is, Mr. Shaq should have remained on the basketball court. Everyone's life would have been much better off. He actually recorded 5 music albums, which is astounding, and I would like to meet the guys who stood there and listened to him record it. Wow, they have high tolerance. We who have endured Kazaam should all receive a medal as well. Listening to Shaq rap as a genie from a boombox is excruciating. Remember when I said Da Brat would be mentioned again? This is that movie. She pops up here too, and if Paul Michael Glaser wanted to gather some of the worst rap artists ever, he got a terrific start here. Shaq was evidently in love with himself at this juncture of his career, and even though his attitude can be misconstrued as energetic and funfilled, we see dollar signs in his eyes as he goes through the motions of this crap.

Francis Capra is Max, and the people at Disney certainly wanted him to be a Jonathan Taylor Thomas at the time, but that was a big epic failure. Pictures of him today are startling as he has a goatee, bald head, and tattoos. I would probably want to change my entire appearance after Kazaam too. He is easily one of the most maddening kid characters in history. Furthermore, he and Shaq do not possess a freckle of chemistry and look like they can't wait for the scenes to be over. There is a sub-plot with Max's no-good father, but since both Max and his pops are jerks, the audience could care less about what happens between them. This was Paul Michael Glaser's final feature film before resting permanently in TV land. He had made The Cutting Edge and The Running Man before this, and although they are not flawless classics by any stretch of the imagination, compared to the insufferable hip-hop routines in Kazaam, they are masterpieces. The action, drama, and fantasy elements all have separate agendas, and therefore do not blend properly. How could Disney want to make this movie 4 years after Aladdin? What is the point? How many genie's do we need!?

When Disney hits a homerun, it is glorious, but when it comes to live-action, they have struck out more times than I care to mention. How could mature adults think a plot thread where bad guys try to steal a bootleg recording and sell pirated copies would appeal to children? Shaquille O'Neal could have said "This won't work." Someone else could have stopped this, but they didn't, and now (in the words of good ol' JR) it "is a boil on the ass of life."

L is for…
	Leonard Part 6

Leonard Part 6

Directed By: Paul Weiland
Written By: Jonathan Reynolds
Release Date: December 18, 1987
The Plot: A secret agent is called out of retirement to save the world from an evil genius.

I have read that Leonard Part 6 has attained something of a cult status over the years. I think that exemplifies perfectly how loose and unreliable the term "cult classic" is. It also proves that some people will attempt to convince the world that anything could be a "cult classic." They must have extremely low standards, because this is a piece of junk, pure and simple. There are no redeeming qualities about Leonard Part 6. It is not funny, interesting, engaging, or any other positive adjective you can like using. I hated it. Really really hated it. And I wonder how even Bill Cosby could have imagined this premise could be effective in any galaxy. He is to blame. He was a producer, he helped with the story, and he was the star. He tried to denounce the film on talk shows, and told people not to waste their money. He was trying to salvage his reputation, but it doesn't fly with this writer, oh no sir Dr. Huxtable. And the joke about seeing the other installments, "Leonard Part 1-5", is not humorous. I hear it all the time, and I have not laughed or chuckled once. Sorry, but it's a stupid joke for a stupid movie. Bill Cosby is a funny man, but his feature film career is downright criminal, with maybe one exception in Let's Do It Again. He followed Leonard Part 6 with Ghost Dad. He waited 3 years, and decided Ghost Dad was the project to resurrect his movie resume. Yeah.

I could rattle on for pages detailing the number of scenes that are just so shockingly disastrous and unforgivable. I'll just list them briefly: The kitchen shoot out, the rainbow trout attack, the dead body noise, the frog car jump, Cosby in Spandex, the Perrier shower, the bad dinner with his wife, the psychic gibberish, the dumb weapons, the dancers & vegetarians, the bee scene, the surgery on himself, the topless play, the rabbits attacking the CIA, the car jump over the hill, the lobster attack with melted butter, beef as a weapon, and more. This is simply one of the worst films I have ever seen. I use that sentence a lot in this list, but it definitely applies in this instance. Paul Weiland was in over his head. He probably thought this would be a fun vehicle for Cosby. What could he possibly have done with the material they handed him? What could anyone have done? The effects are vile, and every single aspect of the story is a catastrophe. I was ready to go out of my mind 30 seconds in. Along for the ride are upsetting performances from Moses Gunn, Gloria Foster, Joe Don Baker, and Tom Courtenay. Roger Ebert's rant on the shameless product placement is legendary, and watching Cosby complete those scenes makes you shake your head in disappointment. Some actors are just meant to stay on television.

The level of badness Leonard Part 6 achieves is shocking. That is what I can't believe all this time after seeing it. I was literally flabbergasted at how it kept getting worse and worse. I also think it is pretty damned despicable that Cosby tried to push the blame on the studio. It is hard for me to accurately describe how heinous and rotten this is. You have to see it for yourself. I double dog dare you!

M is for…
	Meet the Deedles

Meet the Deedles

Directed By: Steve Boyum
Written By: Jim Herzfeld
Starring: Paul Walker, Steve Van Wormer, Dennis Hopper, and A.J. Langer
Release Date: March 27, 1998
The Plot: Two surfers end up as Yellowstone park rangers and have to stop a former ranger who is out for revenge.

File Meet the Deedles into the category of movies I rented with the hope that it would be good. That is a confession I've needed to get off my chest for years. This is a movie that just made me irate. I'm pretty sure I watched this with a friend, and I am sure we both thought of the money and time we had just lost. It was nly $4 bucks, but that money could have gone so many better places. I loathe this movie, and greatly wish it had never been made. If Shaq the genie granted me 3 wishes, I would use one of them to remove this movie from memory. At the time, Meet the Deedles was attempting to cash in on films like Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure and Wayne's World. This moldy trash possesses absolutely none of the qualities those hits did. The first mistake was in casting two lead actors that were nauseating, so spending 90 minutes with them makes putting one's head in a meat grinder more comfortable. This was an early feature film role for Paul Walker, who is Phil Deedle. After this, he would quickly rise to become a star. He can thank his lucky stars he had Pleasantville to fall back on that same year. Like Channing Tatum, Andrew Keegan, and many more, Paul Walker is an actor that became famous solely because girls think he's cute. Meanwhile, the rest of us must put up with him, and wait for the day he fades away.

I mean hell people; the plot revolves around sabotaging Old Faithful for goodness sakes! And Disney wondered why the "Deedles" franchise never became a reality. Geez. Steve Van Wormer is Stew Deedle, and if anyone could match Walker for making the viewer aggravated simply by appearance, it was Van Wormer here, whom they dress up like the most stereotypical nerd you can think of. The father of the Deedles is Eric Braeden (Victor Newman from The Young and the Restless). Yes, a soap opera star. That has to be a violation of some mainstream movie rulebook. You also have Dennis Hopper, as the villain, who has trained prairie dogs to ruin Old Faithful, and his sidekick is Nemo, played by Robert Englund. Apart from performances that give new meaning to appalling, what I remember most are the special effects that would be transparent to a 2 year-old with weak eyesight. The Deedles embark on many outdoor activities (motorized skateboarding, road luging, and white-water river surfing, to name but a few) that are edited together in a way that is just insulting. Director Steve Boyum and his crew made no attempt to conceal that these actors were standing in front of a screen.

The amount of abysmal surfer slang is enough to make you hurl, and if this movie has any positive points it is A.J. Langer, who was the star of My So-Called Life back then, but even she has trouble delivering the lines for this script by Jim Herzfeld. I understand wanting to create a duo that is free and lively, but did anyone actually read this screenplay, or did somebody just say "It will be our Bill & Ted" and then give it the greenlight? For Dennis Hopper and Robert Englund, it is degrading. For everyone else, it is agony.

N is for…
	A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

A Nymphoid Barbarian in Dinosaur Hell

Directed By: Brett Piper
Written By: Brett Piper
Starring: Paul Guzzie, Linda Corwin, and Alex Pirnie
Release Date: 1990
The Plot: In a post-Armageddon world, a young woman finds herself in a fight for survival against mutant cavemen, dinosaurs and other prehistoric animals.

Troma is not escaping this special unscathed. I know what you're thinking. How bad can a movie be with a title like that? If you don't believe me, watch it yourself. It is available for instant viewing on Netflix. This could easily be a silent movie, and the little dialogue that is spoken could be supplied through intertitles, or by a smart monkey as an understudy. That might have given this dreg an artsy feel to it. Troma is a company that has had nifty titles before to catch our attention. Unfortunately once you actually sit down to see the movie the result is similar to having toilet water spray you in the face. I will admit that the introductory voice over is hilarious, but after that, I could not believe how monotonous and dreary this experience was. I was anxiously waiting for anything to happen. As the minutes ticked away, so to did my sense of wonder and optimism for cinema. Lea, the woman the title refers to, gets captured by Clon, a man who is a combination of General Kael from Willow and Skinner from the WWF days. They catch her, she gets free, and they catch her again. This cycle repeats itself numerous times. Your mind will wander while the 82 minutes drags like a broken rusted bumper on the highway. Clon's henchmen are lizard people, who make a lot of noise, but utter no dialogue. If Chewbacca's noise sounded like fingernails on a chalkboard, it might resemble what emanates from the lizard thugs.

No offense to Linda Corwin, but when one envisions a nymphoid barbarian, chances are they will not picture this chick. She's kinda cute, but hardly the starlet that should command our attention through this atrocious movie. That title gives her a lot to live up to, and she crashes and burns. Before she gets captured, we watch her and her boyfriend Marn frolic around in the water ripping off From Here to Eternity. Burt Lancaster just rolled over in his grave. I guess they are bf & gf, but they could be cousins for all I know. We never really find out anything about their relationship, just that they are "friends". Marn searches for her, but gets injured, and subsequently gets rescued by an old man whose whispering rambles are incoherent. He talks like he wants to be hired for a low budget Shakespeare production. I can only assume that the lack of dialogue and you know….plot, is sacrificed due to the total incompetence of the actors. The old man has the most dialogue and he is in the movie for 5 minutes. He has trouble delivering every line. It's as if Troma picked these schmucks from the street, and said "You will act for us. We have free tacos."

In 1933 King Kong had wonderful and brilliant special effects for the period. Picture those same effects, in terms of claymation creatures and so forth, in this film from 1990. You see, this is a post-apocalyptic story, and the pets humans had were mutated into huge monsters. True. The men swing tiny knives and miniscule crossbow arrows at them. Our nymphoid Lea battles thugs by whipping her wet shirt at them. Somebody at Troma needs to be whipped with a wet shirt for releasing this movie. I'd stand in line for that.

O is for…
	Oasis of the Zombies

Oasis of the Zombies

Directed By: Jesus Franco
Written By: Jesus Franco
Starring: Manuel Gelin, France Lomay, and Jeff Montgomery
Release Date: 1981 sometime
The Plot: An expedition searching for treasure supposedly buried by the German army in the African desert during WW II comes up against an army of Nazi zombies guarding the fortune.

Similar to watching paint dry, Oasis of the Zombies has to be the worst zombie film ever made. I have seen a lot of bad zombie movies, not all of them obviously, but this one made watching grass grow a riveting Olympic event. This involves Nazi zombies to be exact, something filmmakers recycle over and over again for some reason; not realizing it is a bad idea with a dead end. Oasis of the Zombies plays like a mixture of cultures. I say this because I have no clue where this takes place or where the characters are from. I could consult IMDB, but that is too much research for this. The treasure everyone wants is in Africa, and is guarded by Nazi's there. However, this is a French film, yet the music is Middle Eastern, some characters are American, some look Spanish, and others still look Italian. I'm not sure what classifies these particular undead as Nazi's either. Once you enter their territory, some crew member painted a Nazi symbol on the side of car door to signify Nazi's were here, but the zombies all look Spanish students with a bad case of sunburn. They kill people in a way reminiscent to that scene in the first Austin Powers where the guy stands still screaming as the steamroller travels 100 yards slowly to smash him. Every death is like that.

This is available to watch via public domain, but even for free, this will make you fall asleep, so beware of the risk that you may nod off and fall back in your chair. Yes, this could conceivably cause head injuries. The sounds the zombies make in this film is a combination of a creaky door and congested pig's oink noise. They also live in the sand, which must get uncomfortable. In the end, the final group trying to retrieve the gold says "Let's make Molotov cocktails like we did in college!" I missed that course at my school. The direction from Mr. Jesus Franco is appropriately abominable as the night time shots conveniently have a clear blue sky. But the camera is tinted so darnit we should accept the illusion! Other times, the night lasts all of 10 minutes. The female screams when being attacked remind me of a poor porn star's fake orgasm, and the sex scene in this is so tame, it makes the one I'll mention later with Rhinestone seem like a love scene in The Unbearable Lightness of Being.

Nothing happens AT ALL. People search for treasure and come up short. They walk through the desert for what feels like days to the audience and nothing occurs. I'd take a camel farting for entertainment, but no, nothing. You know a movie is terrible when even the shootouts and action sequences make us drowsy. Forget sleeping pills folks, use Oasis of the Zombies. I'm going to go watch both Crank films now to make sure I'm not in a coma.

P is for…
	Plan 9 from Outer Space

Plan 9 from Outer Space

Directed By: Edward D. Wood Jr.
Written By: Edward D. Wood Jr.
Starring: Gregory Walcott, Mona McKinnon, Duke Moore, and Tom Keene
Release Date: 1959
The Plot: Aliens resurrect dead humans as zombies and vampires to stop human kind from creating the Solaranite (a sort of sun-driven bomb).

By all accounts, Ed Wood was a nice guy and fun to be around. I have seen the movie based on his life. It was a wonderful picture directed by Tim Burton. I know a few people that consider Ed Wood's films to be "so bad they're good." They appreciate the passion he put into his work, and even own some of the DVDs. I am not one of them. I would watch Ed Wood again, but just because that movie was excellent does not mean Wood's actual cinematic efforts are better as a result. Personally, I feel some people get the two confused. Oh well, that's me. Plan 9 from Outer Space has been called the worst film of all-time. It is hard to argue with that. Of the Ed Wood movies I have seen, I would not want to watch any of them a second time. If I only live once, how would I explain multiple viewings to my creator? I attend a lot of horror conventions, and Plan 9 from Outer Space always seems to be a highlight. Or maybe vendors have so much memorbilia that they can't sell, it just always returns. Posters, pictures, copies of the DVD, and even one of the cast members, Conrad Brooks (he's a unique person, but good-natured), are usually around. I can never be rid of this horse manure. It is always around. I found nothing remotely amusing or memorable about this movie. To me, it is far from circling around from bad to good again. It's just bad.

This is also noteworthy because it was Bela Lugosi's final on screen appearance, and that also, is a bad reason to like this. The entire film, including the dialogue, direction, story continuity, and above all else, the acting, is the lowest of the low. It is just amazing to me that so many clueless individuals got this finished. I'll give Wood credit for completing this, and assembling the footage into something of a film, but one has to wonder how anyone could have been vaguely satisfied. One of the pilots reads from the script during the scene, the strings of the saucers are clearly visible, the shadow of the boom mic is seen in many shots, the editing makes no sense in many of the sequences, and Tom Mason had to replace Lugosi during production. He looks nothing like Lugosi, and they barely make an attempt to hide it. I could go on, but you get the idea. I think of all the people that enjoy this, and all I think about is how many legitimately good films they could be watching when they decide to revisit Plan 9 from Outer Space a second or even third time.

Am I being too picky? I don't think so. Plan 9 from Outer Space deserves to be criticized and slammed with the status of worst film ever. Sure, Ed Wood finished this film and now it is out there for all to see. I only wish the philosophy some use to describe this ("Its ineptitude adds to its charm") was emulated by some of my teachers in school. "It's ok Chad, even though you failed the test, at least you finished it. Your stupidity on this exam makes me want to give you a higher grade." Sadly, life doesn't work like that, but when rating films, we take more into considersation.

Q is for…
	Queen of the Damned

Queen of the Damned

Directed By: Michael Rymer
Written By: Scott Abbott and Michael Petroni
Starring: Aaliyah, Stuart Townsend, Marguerite Moreau, and Vincent Perez
Release Date: February 22, 2002
The Plot: The vampire Lestat becomes a rock star whose music wakes up the queen of all vampires.

In light of the current "vampire craze" as it has been labeled by the media, I find it fitting that Queen of the Damned gets to be blasted by yours truly. It is an adaptation of an Anne Rice novel. Her "Vampire Chronicles" are best sellers, and even though I have not read any, if this is faithful to the source, I will not be reading them anytime soon. "Q" was not easy. It was between this and Q: The Winged Serpent, but the more I thought about the two, and which I could endure a second time if need be, the more the prospect of watching Queen of the Damned again made me feel dirty. Plus, Q: The Winged Serpent isn't all that terrible. Turning vampires into these erotic anti-heroes is quite honestly absurd. This version of LeStat, making Cruise's performance in Interview with the Vampire look Oscar worthy, has Stuart Townsend strutting around like a bothersome effeminate geek. Surely he is the role model for Twilight's Edward. They must have hung out together at some point and traded secrets on how looking miserable can be cool. LeStat's mannerisms, speech, and overall stature are laughable more than creepy, seductive, or intimidating (which I assume was the aim). Townsend makes this character a joke. He doesn't even have to speak. Just looking at him is enough to chuckle.

Whose decision was it to have Townsend lip synch to Korn songs? If I was going to choose a band to have a star lip synch to, I might select one that wasn't highly successful at the time this film was released. The hard rock soundtrack that is horribly laced through this garbage fails to mesh with the proceedings at all. Anyone that has listened to the radio at all will wonder why LeStat sounds like Jonathan Davis, and why Davis is a ticket scalper at the same time. The paranormal organization that knows of LeStat is so clumsily written into the script, and watching those characters try to convey serious emotions for the situation is goofy more than anything else. Plus, it seems kind of odd to lie in a coffin for centuries, come out just because you feel like rocking on stage, and not have your journal that seems to be the only aid to the paranormal group? Aaliyah, God rest her soul, was never a very solid actress. Romeo Must Die was mediocre, and here she was handed a part that even the best actresses would have had trouble pulling off. She crawls around turning people to ash in the most exaggerated style possible, and this could have been funny, but she wants us to enjoy her turn as a scary creature, which prevents her abilities from being campy and humorous. Word has it Warner Brothers was considering this as a DTV release, but then Aaliyah died tragically, which made this a viable property. Ching ching went the studio.

Initially, I thought the flashback sequences were semi-watchable, but mostly they are just dull, and not nearly as over the top and outlandish as the rest of this putrid excuse for a flick. Michael Rymer directed this film, and he never again made a feature. His style is that of a graduate from the MTV class of filmmaking, which is increasingly exasperating. His sense of atmosphere and visuals is overdone and pretentious. Some vampire movies deserve the dumpster. This is one of them.

R is for…
	Rhinestone

Rhinestone

Directed By: Bob Clark
Written By: Phil Alden Robinson and Sylvester Stallone
Starring: Dolly Parton, Sylvester Stallone, and Richard Farnsworth
Release Date: June 22, 1984
The Plot: She's bet everything, and we mean everything, that she can turn this New York cabbie into an overnight sensation. He has other things in mind. But he's never had a trainer like this one!

It has been many years since I have thought intently about Rhinestone. With the help of extensive therapy, I was able to recall the memories of the first time I watched this movie. You have to understand, I grew up on Sylvester Stallone movies. The first movies my father ever showed me were Rocky and its sequels. One day, I sat down in front of the television, and I flipped through the channels. I stumbled across a channel, and there was Sly. I thought to myself "Hey, it's Rocky!" And then I saw a certain voluptuous country singer. I said to myself "Hey, why is Dolly Parton there?" My dreams were quickly smashed and pummeled into oblivion when I saw one of my childhood heroes, Sylvester Stallone…singing. I thought "Why is he wearing that outfit! Make it stop Daddy please!" Nightmares ensued. I can only assume my brain went into auto-shut off mode because when the movie was all set and done, I never mentioned it or thought about it again. "R" is a big letter, but there was never any doubt in my mind of what I would choose. My brain clicked back to life when I sat down to write, and it told me now was the time to scrape the remnants of Rhinestone, one of the worst movies ever made, from my fragile memory.

Watching Dolly Parton and Sylvester Stallone on stage belting country-western tunes will give you a nervous twitch that will induce panicking whenever you hear a country station in the future. You don't want to admit you're seeing the man who knocked out Drago jamming with Dolly. They have no chemistry. Zero. They also have a love scene that was a bit like mixing oil and vinegar. I suppose this is some sort of comedy musical if we must place it into a genre, but nothing is funny. Absolutely nothing. Sad is a more accurate description, and if you do laugh, you are most certainly laughing at the cast, not with them. I seriously doubt anyone actually reacted positively to the ridiculous gags. The overacting from both parties is just embarrassing. Stallone can pull off a comedic role. Just watch Oscar if you ever have the opportunity. But here he is a lost soul wandering around with no idea what to do. This film also has a couple fight sequences that are lame if I remember correctly. Aside from all of these complaints, and I could elaborate, Rhinestone is just about the most deadly boring film on the planet.

It claims to be based on the story of the song "Rhinestone Cowboy", but it's really not. Rhinestone is out of print on DVD. You can buy it for $45, or on VHS for around $26. Good luck. On a final note, Sylvester Stallone said if there were any films he wished he hadn't done, this was one of them. Too late Sly.

S is for…
	Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2

Directed By: Bob Clark
Written By: Gregory Poppen
Starring: Jon Voight, Scott Baio, Vanessa Angel, and Skyler Shaye
Release Date: August 27, 2004
The Plot: A group of smart-talking toddlers find themselves at the center of a media mogul's experiment to crack the code to baby talk. The toddlers must race against time for the sake of babies everywhere.

This is one film where I truly and genuinely do not know where to start. I can't even have fun for another paragraph or so explaining how bad the movie is because nothing I say could compare to the actual experience. It may be the very worst film on this list. Like Leonard Part 6, I sat back in awe as this abhorrent offering reached lengths of awfulness I never knew existed. Every single aspect of this production is horrifying, unpleasant, and dreadfully executed. This is directed by Bob Clark. He has the distinction of having 2 films on this section of the alphabet list. This was his last film. What a way to go. How depressing that the same man who gave us A Christmas Story and Porky's is responsible for this indescribably sickening and brutal piece of work. What could have happened to his method of thinking over the years that he thought what he was making was acceptable? If I were to think of punishment for prisoners, the absolute worst type of torture imaginable, it would be forcing them to watch this film over and over again. How long would they last? I'm telling you, they would reform quicker than any program the country could offer. I guarantee it.

Jon Voight is the villain here, and this is hands down the worst performance he has given. Not in his wildest dreams could he stoop as low as he did here. His faux-German accent is obnoxious and reprehensible to a degree you cannot fathom. Scott Baio and Vanessa Angel (It's so bad, you don't care how hot she is) are irritating in their parental roles. The concept of turning young kids into superheroes that are intelligent is creepy and unnerving. It should be considered horror. The special effects are terrible, the explanation for what is happening is terrible, and the actions of every character is comparable to suffering the most demeaning and painful sort of anguish. Some have a tendency to be generous to family entertainment. When it is geared toward children and the storyline has the aura of being basically harmless, they don't get too upset. For those that commonly use that argument, watch Superbabies, and if you find nothing wrong, then seek help immediately. I can't keep writing about this. It's giving me a headache, and I might have a violent outburst. Good night, and good luck!

Dishonorable Mention

Kangaroo Jack
The Love Guru
Mac and Me
Mortal Kombat: Annihilation
Nothing But Trouble
North
Pinocchio (The Roberto Begnini version)
Police Academy 3-6
Son of the Mask
Spice World
Speed 2: Cruise Control
Super Mario Bros.
Swept Away

The MeeThinks Friday Freethinks - Thanks to John Meehan for providing my banner throughout this special series.

All movie poster images are from impawards.com, and other movie data is from imdb.com.