TV Rants and Raves 11.04.09

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 11.04.2009

Rants and Raves about office-based shows like The Office and 30 Rock, the end of Trauma, White Collar, Accidentally on Purpose, Dancing with the Stars running its course, CSI: Miami, Bravo, Kathy Griffin, and more, plus two more Strange Thoughts, Joe Lieberman is YOUR Douchebag of the Week, and more!

TV Rants and Raves Issue #17: Rants and Raves about the end of "Trauma," "White Collar," "Accidentally on Purpose," "Dancing with the Stars," "CSI: Miami," Bravo, Kathy Griffin, and more, plus two more Strange Thoughts, Joe Lieberman wins an award, and more

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that wants to know why the people that make the Three Musketeers candy bar haven't attempted to sell and market a candy bar that's just the creamy middle part (I bet it would sell like crazy. It'd probably be kind of messy to eat, but I'm certain it would be a top seller), TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.



Before I get into this issue's main section, can I complain about the World Series? I have nothing against baseball or people who like to watch baseball, but isn't there a way to get the big series to happen either earlier in the month or during the day so it doesn't interfere with TV? The networks shouldn't be running reruns during October or November in deference to the World Series. They shouldn't be running reruns during that time period. It's just annoying. There's got to be a better way to do this so everyone gets what they want.

Okay, enough of me complaining about that stuff. Now, onto the main part of the column:


TV Rants and Raves



"Anybody need a good looking cast?"

- "Trauma" has been cancelled. There's a big surprise: Well, NBC didn't come right out and said that the show is cancelled. According to zap2it.com, NBC announced that they just didn't want any more episodes of the low rated show. Isn't that a little ridiculous? Why not just say you don't want the show anymore and it's gone, it's cancelled? There's nothing wrong with saying it, announcing it, or even doing it. Again, if you don't want the show anymore, just say "It's cancelled." Simple, easy, and direct.

Look at what NBC did to "Southland." The show's second season was about to begin and the network cancelled it. Yeah, the network cancelled the show. Did people complain? Yeah, they did (I know I complained quite a bit about it. No one listens to me, yeah, but I still complained about it), and it wasn't the end of the world. No one committed suicide. No one threatened to blow a building up because their feelings were hurt. So what the heck is the deal with NBC not saying, "Trauma is fucking cancelled?"

Is this some kind of weird ass covering by someone at NBC? Does anyone have any insight on this?



"Do we need anybody?"

Oh, and it was just announced on Monday that "Southland" has been picked up by TNT and will air in 2010. The show's first season was also included in the deal. The show will air on Tuesdays at 10pm (I'm going to assume it'll be paired with something else, some other established TNT show, but there have been no details on that).



- Some thoughts on "White Collar": "White Collar" is the new USA show airing on Friday nights at 10pm, after "Monk." The show stars Mathew Bomer as Neal Caffrey, a hip and edgy conman/criminal that's been let out of prison on some kind of conditional release to help solve white collar crimes for the FBI. Caffrey works with/is controlled by FBI agent Peter Burke (Tim DeKay), Caffrey's nemesis and the man that put him in prison in the first place. So, basically, it's a buddy cop/pseudo "48 Hrs" type show, and for the most part it works.

Bomer is great as Caffrey the super criminal. He's sly, smart, and quite often funnier than hell (he plays Caffrey like a more sarcastic Simon Baker on "The Mentalist"). DeKay is pretty decent as the straight man of the team, FBI agent Peter Burke, and he has great adversarial chemistry with Bomer. He doesn't really trust the guy, but he knows that he needs his expertise to solve the crimes he's charged to investigate. The relationship can blow up at any moment. There's great suspense in that.





"Hey, I'm hitting that. I really, really am."

I do have a few issues with the show, though. I don't really buy Tiffani Amber Thiessen as Burke's wife (I wouldn't buy her as his girlfriend, either). They just have no chemistry. I'm also not that into this "Caffrey searching for his lost love thing" as it's way too similar to Monk's search for his wife's killer and whatever the hell Stana Katic's Detective Kate Beckett is looking for. I do like the whole Caffrey trying to figure out how to remove the ankle monitor and getting the help/advice of that nerdy bald guy, though. Why not change it up so Caffrey wants the monitor off so he can go look for a girlfriend/potential wife? I think it would be hilarious watching Caffrey, week in and week out, trying to get a date and getting pissed off when the monitor interferes in the date.

Now, do you think Caffrey is ever going to put the moves on Thiessen's Elizabeth Burke? Will Elizabeth be the one putting the moves on Caffrey? That would be an interesting relationship.

Am I the only one that thinks Thiessen is hotter now than before?





- Some thoughts on "Accidentally on Purpose": A few issues back I promised (or threatened, however you personally want to take it) that I would rip CBS a new one for putting this Jenna Elfman led sitcom its schedule, so here I go fulfilling that promise. What the hell was CBS thinking when they decided that "Accidentally on Purpose" was ever a good idea?

I mean, seriously, who the fuck said that the network should actually do this show?



"Yeah, who the fuck said it? You? Was it you?"

Okay, the pilot episode was kind of okay. It was directed by Pamela Fryman, the directing mastermind behind the supremely awesome "How I Met Your Mother," and elements of the cast were kind of interesting. Elfman was kind of funny as the show's lead Billie, the professional movie critic that ends up having a one night stand with a much younger guy and getting pregnant. Ashley Jensen (Christina from "Ugly Betty," or Maggie Jacobs on "Extras," whichever you prefer) is decent enough as Billie's randy cougar-like friend Olivia. Grant Show (Tom Decker from the cancelled-too-soon "Swingtown") was his usual great self as Billie's old fiancé James. And, to a much lesser extent, Jon Foster is okay as Zack, the much younger guy that impregnates Billie. But the whole premise of the show is ridiculous.

Billie decides to keep the baby and allow Zack and his frat buddies (I don't know what else to call them) to live with her so she won't be alone and have to raise the child by herself. Or something like that. It sounds way too much like "Knocked Up," which made for an okay movie, but it sure as hell doesn't make for a good or even watchable sitcom. It's like the people involved with creating the show started their sitcom with the big flashback episode that shows up in like season two or three and explains the main couple's origins. That show is very rarely ever funny and is used as a sweeps gimmick to boost ratings. It's also no way to start a sitcom that the network hopes will last more than a season.

Why didn't they just start with Billie and Zack married/living together and with an already born child and then figure out the show from there? That probably would have been a better jumping off point. And what exactly is the point of having Zack's buddies in the apartment with them? They're not funny and they don't really add anything to the show. They're occasional characters at best, the kind of characters you see every other episode and then only for a few minutes. They are never a focus.

And why didn't Jenna Elfman, who must still have some kind of pull/juice at the network since they keep giving her shows, tell the network that the show needed serious work? I mean, did she really say that this was a great idea for a sitcom beforehand and then again after the second episode was shot?

CBS currently has two mega hit sitcoms ("Two and a Half Men" and "The Big Bang Theory") and two very solid sitcoms ("How I Met Your Mother," which deserves a better rating because it's a great show, and "The New Adventures of Old Christine"), and then a few others (that Jay Mohr show and that awful David Spade sitcom). "Accidentally on Purpose" is actually worse than David Spade's show. Is this really the best the network could do?

And while "The Big Bang Theory" has become a ratings juggernaut at 9:30pm, I'm still outraged that "Accidentally on Purpose" put "Bang Theory" out of the 8 o'clock hour. It just interferes with the flow of the night ("Bang Theory" is on at the same time as "Monday Night Raw," which is just outrageous).

I really hope that "Accidentally on Purpose" gets the heave ho at the end of the year. I wouldn't mind seeing the main cast on another kind of sitcom, but I don't want to see them on this one. The show sucks. It isn't funny. It's a sitcom. It's supposed to be funny.

I bet it will get a second season, though. I don't know why I have that feeling, I just do.





- Why aren't there more TV shows based in workplaces?: With the success of "The Office" and that TBS show "10 Items of Less" and, to a lesser extent, "30 Rock," you'd think there'd be more workplace set sitcoms on television. You know, that whole "Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery" thing. You'd think there'd be shows taking place in pizza shops, fast food joints, plumbing supply companies, and candy factories, among others. Every time there's a successful cop show or some lawyer or doctor show the other networks create shows just like them to get in on the ratings action, so why not do the same thing with sitcoms?

I mean, come on, back in the 1990's there were all of those rip-off sitcoms of "Friends." Most of them sucked, sure, but the networks put them on. So what the heck is different now? Why don't we have endless shows set in delis, telemarketing offices, and art museums (think of a sitcom featuring an art museum under constant renovation and a sitcomy rivalry between the museum director and the guy doing the renovations. Who the heck wouldn't check out that show at least once?)?



"We're on TBS every now and then."

Could it be that the networks are more interested in how the show presents itself (first person, no laugh track shows are the shows of the moment right now)? Is that what's preventing shows about people working in bowling alleys, craft stores, and pet shops? That's the only explanation I can come up with.



- Has "Dancing with the Stars" run its course? Has the show "Jumped the Shark"? I don't watch the show but I know a few people who do and they have all said the same thing: this season stinks. The celebrities aren't all that interesting. Donnie Osmond is annoying. The judges are all fucking douchebags (apparently they're even bigger douchebags than last season). The dances are boring. So, again, has the show run its course? Is the idea tired now?

Well, the show has been on for nine seasons now. They will eventually run out of celebrities people want to see take on ballroom dancing. Maybe the show needs to somehow get some low level A-list/high level B-list celebrities to appear. I mean, George Clooney will never appear on the show as a contestant, that's obvious. Julia Roberts, too. I bet they could get James Woods, though. Maybe a Whoopi Goldberg. I bet people would tune in to watch George Lucas do the tango on television (it's not like he's all that busy doing anything worthwhile). All of these people would likely cost way more than Tom Delay and Donnie Osmond, but the potentially larger ratings would more than make up for the added expense of the star's salaries.

And maybe the show needs a new set. Maybe the show should move to New York City for a season. And maybe the show needs to happen only once a year, to help build up anticipation for it.

I guess it's either do that stuff, or find out what Barry Williams is doing.





- "CSI: Miami" is a terrible, terrible show: "CSI: Miami" is one of the most watched shows on television. It's a cornerstone of the CBS Monday night line up (it airs at 10pm). It's been on for eight seasons now. I know plenty of people that love it. I know plenty of people that look up to David Caruso's Horatio Cane as a bonafide TV hero, like Magnum P.I. or Matt Houston. It's part of the current pop culture zeitgeist (people still mimic that thing Caruso does with his sunglasses). I just can't figure out why.

The original "CSI" is pretty okay (Larry Fishburne is trying very hard to make the current show interesting but he can't do it all by himself. He's not William Petersen's Gil Grissom). "CSI: NY" is decent enough sometimes (I''ve seen a few recent episodes and a few episodes on TNT. It's not a bad show. Gary Sinise is clearly having a ball doing it). But "Miami" is just excruciating. I can't deal with it. And I've really, really tried this past year to watch the show and see what the heck the big deal is.

Caruso is one of the worst actors I think I've ever seen on a one hour TV show. He's either overacting or the show itself, through some kind of knowing survival mode, is trying to make up for Caruso's bad acting and failing miserably at it. The rest of the cast is just as bad, although I have a feeling they're all just trying to work in concert with the show's lead. It's a bad strategy. And the forensics side of the show is so goddamn boring. This is mostly Caruso's fault, too. He's the least convincing forensics speaking character on TV right now.

The only thing I like about the show is its look. The hazy reds and yellows everywhere, the saturated light browns and dark blacks all over the place. More often than not the show is a visual feast for the eyes. The show's action scenes are decent enough, too. But the rest of the show just stinks.

Maybe, in a couple of years I'll start watching the show in reruns and I'll "get it." I doubt it but it could happen.





- What the heck happened to Bravo?: Remember when Bravo used to be about relatively high brow television and high art bullshit? What the hell happened? When did Bravo become a sort of cross between VH-1 and E! with "Law & Order: Criminal Intent" reruns?

I can't pinpoint the exact moment everything changed. I'd assume it all happened when NBC-Universal decided to get more "involved" with the cable channels it owned but I could be wrong about that. But what happened to the reruns of "The West Wing"? "Swingtown"? Critically acclaimed British shows and "art" movies? Why is the network now just a series of really bad reality shows, "Criminal Intent," and "Inside the Actors Studio"? Is this just NBC attempting to appeal to the lowest common denominator?

Now, don't get me wrong. I'm all about the lowest common denominator. I don't have a problem with networks trying to appeal to as wide an audience as possible. I think people who bitch about networks trying to appeal to the LCD are more often than not pretentious douchebags. But why does every cable network have to be the same? It just doesn't make any sense to me.

I thought the whole point of cable was to basically offer everyone their own channel. That hasn't happened. And I don't think it ever will. For whatever reason, there's just too much money invested in putting the same shit on every channel.



"Hello, I'm Richard Dawkins, and I'm here to fuck John Edwards in the ass. With science!"

- Why aren't there any TV shows featuring people debunking supernatural phenomena? Yeah, Penn and Teller sort of do that kind of thing sometimes on "Penn and Teller Bullshit!," but I'm talking about a show that's totally, completely, 100% devoted to proving once and for all that the supernatural is just bullshit? I think I'd watch that show religiously (ha).

Think about it. A show hosted by some scientist (think a still living Carl Sagan but not as big a douchebag) that follows around those guys on "Ghost Hunters" and shows everyone in the world what total frauds they are. A scientist showing everyone what a fraud "psychic" John Edwards is (or any psychic, really). I bet that show would rock.

But would it garner ratings? Would people watch it? Heck, would a network even put it on? You'd think that something like the Discovery Channel would do it since they're allegedly all about science, but I have a feeling that even they would balk at it. HBO? They do have Bill Maher on. Maybe they could get him to host the show, sort of like Robert Stack on "Unsolved Mysteries".

Nah. None of that is ever going to happen.



- "Cake Boss" is a good reality show: I'm not a fan of most reality TV. I find most of it incredibly boring. But "Cake Boss," which airs on TLC (The Learning Channel), is actually pretty decent. I'm shocked because I didn't think I'd ever want to watch a show about a bunch of people making cakes.

Yes. Cakes. That's all the show is about. A bunch of people in New Jersey, at a bakery run by a guy named Buddy, making specialty cakes. You want a cake that looks like a zombie? He can do it. A prehistoric creature? He can do it. He can even make a cake look like a building on fire. Buddy and his crew can pretty much make a cake into anything.

My favorite episode so far is the one where the two guys drop the cake down the stairs. It looks like the cake dropping was staged for the cameras, but it was still hilarious. Buddy's mother is pretty funny, too (she freaked out about that cake with the naked guys on it. I still don't understand why that cake was such a problem). And that big, fat bald guy is pretty funny, too.



Humor. That's what sets it apart from that other cake making show "Ace of Cakes." That fucking show is excruciating.



"At least I'm not that Guy guy."

- Do you think there will ever be a "Saw" TV show?: The "Saw" movie franchise is on the ropes a bit now. Its fifth sequel didn't rule the box office, getting its ass kicked by that shitty ghost movie (check out last issue for my review of "Paranormal Activity" if you didn't do so last week), and while a "Saw VII" has been announced as happening, possibly in 3-D, there's a good chance that Lionsgate and Twisted Pictures may skip a year and release a "Saw VII" in 2011.



Now, if the franchise is, in fact, in a bit of holding pattern, maybe it's a good time for all parties involved to start thinking about adapting the show for television.

Yeah, television. It could be an anthology type show, where it's a new Jigsaw victim a week trying to get out of whatever predicament he puts him in. It could be an extension of the movie franchise and feature Jigsaw's wife as the killer (it wouldn't be much of a stretch for the franchise. Each movie picks up where the last one left off, sort of like a TV show). Or it could be a total reinvention of the "Saw" idea, with a new Jigsaw and new victims, etc.



I think this is something both Showtime and Lionsgate could get behind. I think the potential show would be a success. I think it's the kind of chance the franchise should take at this point in its existence. If the TV show idea fails, hey, they could always make another movie.

And finally,

Am I the only one bored to fucking tears with Kathy Griffin?: And I'm not talking about Griffin personally. When she's on a talk show she's usually funny (her appearances on Bill Maher's show come to mind) and some of her stand-up stuff is pretty decent. What I'm talking about is the idea of Kathy Griffin, the whole "D-List celebrity" thing. Does anyone give a shit about this anymore?



Did anyone ever give a shit about it in the first place? Were people tuning in each and every week to her Bravo (ha! figures) show just to see her essentially whine about not being all that famous? And is she even on the "D-List" anymore? Isn't she at least a "C-lister" now?

I have a feeling that she's eventually going to produce a show featuring a celebrity on the "E-List," eventually working her way down the alphabet until she reaches a fake letter, like double-Z (that'll be my show. "What?!! This TV Show?"). What the hell are we going to do then? Are we all just going to sit there and watch it or are we going to be proactive and stop encouraging her? I think we should do that.

I don't have time to do a TV show.



***

Strange Thoughts

Once again, I've got a few (two) Strange Thoughts for you to ponder. Hope you enjoy them.

First up, do you think that Susan (Elizabeth Perkins), the woman that feel in love with Tom Hanks' character in "Big," went into some kind of deep depression after she found out that Tom's Josh Baskin was actually a young teenage boy? I mean, she slept with that kid. She's a goddamn pedophile! It's not every day that you find that out about yourself.



Yeah, yeah, I know that she didn't know Josh was really a young boy in a grown man's body when she did the dirty deed with him and a really good argument could be made that, at that moment in time, Josh was a real grown man and not a child, but think about that last sequence where she watches Josh walk away and he suddenly becomes a teenager. That's got to mess with your mind.

And think about this. You know John Heard's douchebag character probably reconnected with Susan at some point after the end of the movie and asked her about Josh. She probably told him the truth, which I'm sure Heard's Paul just dismissed as the rantings of a lunatic. He transformed into a fucking kid? What kind of wacko shit is that? But then, I'm willing to bet that Paul, still pissed off about what happened to his relationship with her, probably blackmailed her somehow, threatening to go to the police with "what she did." And that potential episode would have certainly ruined Susan's life. What do you think she would do to retaliate?

Damn, this sounds like the start of a pretty decent episode of "Law & Order," doesn't it?



And second, wouldn't it have been cool if someone made a sequel to the great Richard Pryor comedy "Moving" featuring Randy Quaid's character from New Jersey and Pryor's former neighbor, Frank Crawford, flying out to Boise, Idaho to meet up with his brother Cornell (also played by Quaid) who just so happens to be Pryor's neighbor out in Idaho? Wouldn't it be great to see Quaid act against and with himself, formulating a scheme to get back at Pryor's Arlo Pear for something or another? And wouldn't it be cool to see both Frank and Cornell trying to build the world's biggest lawnmower?



Of course it would. You know you want to see that movie. And with today's advancements in computer special effects, the fact that Pryor is dead shouldn't be an impediment to getting this movie done. So, come on somebody, make "Moving 2: War on Arlo"!



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The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



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This is one of the funniest "Saturday Night Live" skits I've seen in a long time. I can't get the freaking song out of my head.



***

And now, Dr. Phil.



"I told my secretary to toss my salad once the show taping was over. She asked me what kind of dressing I wanted. I told her to surprise me. She then said 'French?' I said that stuff isn't good on my hemorrhoids. She then called me a pig. So, yeah, I fired the bitch."

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole.

***

And now, the weekly Fearnet update

What's on Fearnet this week? Why don't you go here to find out?

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out free movies (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more. They've also got a pretty nifty web series on there featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhies" Hodder, "Fear Clinic."



Plus, you can get information on how to contact Time Warner Cable as they still haven't reinstated the free, 24/7 on demand horror channel. What the hell are they waiting for?

The rat bastards. This is ridiculous.

We must keep the pressure on, though. That's all we can really do.

If you haven't done so already, please check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here.

Come on Time Warner! We want our Fearnet!

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

***

Special Comment will return next issue. I had planned on writing something about the ongoing "Jay Leno Show" ratings quagmire and what NBC should do to "fix it." But things have changed. Comcast is apparently this close to buying NBC from GE (that's what The New York Times claims anyway), and if that happens, well... it'll be big. Huge. Jay Leno could be thrown out on his ass or be moved back to "The Tonight Show." Anything could happen, really, at the network. What if parts of the network gets sold to Newscorp? What if NBC just goes out of business? It could happen.

So, Special Comment will be back next issue when there's something special to talk about.

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"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by the great Ken Foree) is on Video on Demand starting this week on pretty much every cable service provider in the nation. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick, and you will not be disappointed.

The flick now also has a firm DVD release date. According to its MySpace page, "Live Evil" will hit DVD February 23rd, 2010. That's only a four short months away, so remember that date, and be sure to keep an eye on the MySpace page and the flick's new Facebook page for further updates/developments.



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The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week





This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week goes to Vice-President Joe Lieberman, for announcing that he's going to filibuster any health care reform bill in the Senate that includes a "public option." It's good to know that the Vice-President is on the side of the people, isn't it? So why is the Vice-President against the public option? Because he's a whore for the insurance companies. He obviously has no qualms doing their unholy bidding (he gets a nice bit of campaign cash from them, so it's not like he's doing this merc work for free). I think it's about time the Democrats in the Senate remove Vice-President Lieberman from their caucus and just let him side with the Republicans. I know the Democrats need him so they can have 59 seats but, really, what's the point of keeping him around if he's just going to undermine everything the party is fighting for? You can't count on "Joementum" for anything.



Next up is Gore Vidal, for calling the victim of child rapist Roman Polanski a "hooker" in a recent interview in The Atlantic. Of course, the thirteen year old girl wasn't a hooker, but that's really beside the point. Why do so many fucking people want Polanski to go free? Why do so many people want to minimize what he has never denied doing? I don't give a shit if the guy did direct "Chinatown." He's a fucking child molester. Let him do the time that's coming to him. He doesn't deserve any sympathy. None. Fuck you, Roman Polanski. And fuck you, too, Gore Vidal. Fucking douchebag.



And then there's war mongering psychopath Ralph Peters of the New York Post and Fox News, for saying that President Obama's recent criticism of Fox News is proof that he wants to team up with Venezuela's Hugo Chavez and take over the world's media. Peters never really explains how exactly Hugo and Obama plan on doing that, but then we're dealing with a guy that repeatedly says that he has no political axe to grind and that he's against both political parties and then complains about what the evil Democrats are doing. It doesn't matter what it is, all Peters knows is it's evil and it has to be stopped. Peters is bat shit fucking crazy, and it's amazing to think that people actually listen to and believe what he says.




And finally, the people that have seen fit to ruin Halloween for pretty much everyone. From the right wing religiously insane wackos that think Halloween is some giant Devil worshipping orgy to the pseudo liberal "self esteem" jagoffs that want everyone to wear "positive" costumes so one will be "intimidated" or, good God, "scared," to the food Nazi cocksuckers that think they're solving America's childhood obesity epidemic by handing out bags or organic carrots instead of little Milky Way bars, you all fucking suck. You just can't leave people alone for one fucking day out of the year. You just have to nag, nag, and nag about saving souls and feelings and health care. Please explain to me how a kid wearing a C-3PO costume is on the slippery slope to going to hell? Or how telling some creative kid that made a really cool looking Leatherface costume with a mask that looks like real human skin can't wear it because it's "negative" and "mean" and that he should be ashamed of himself for not wearing an apple costume like all of the other kids is a good idea? Or how forcing kids to eat fruit on Halloween but not on any other day (because you motherfuckers are never more vociferous than on Halloween) is going to suddenly make them less fat?

It isn't. There is no crisis to be thwarted, no bomb to be defused, no epidemic to be quashed on Halloween. Leave Halloween the fuck alone.

***

And now, your weekly "Jericho" update



Well, the first issue of the "Jericho" comic book is still set for general release on November 27th. It's a later date than originally planned, yeah, but at least it's still happening. You can check out an eight page preview of the first issue at Things From Another World. It looks awesome to say the least.

Don't forget to check out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff. And be sure to keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing for information regarding the comic.

You can also still purchase the entire "Jericho" run on DVD, if you haven't done so already (you haven't yet? Really?). Go here to buy the entire series. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually. Buy season 1 here, and season two here.

You can also preorder the "Jericho" comic book as a trade paperback here. I don't know how the new November release date is going to change the paperback release date, but if you have it pre-ordered you'll get it when it comes out.

It's coming, man. It's really going to happen. The rebirth of "Jericho" Yeah!

Long live "Jericho"!




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NASCAR and IRL thoughts



Well, if you didn't believe that the Chase for the Championship was over last week, there is no doubt you believe it this week. Jimmie Johnson is one of the luckiest goddamn drivers in NASCAR history. He ran like crap for most of the race, but then pulled a decent finish out of his ass by missing the major accidents at the end, which snared the two Chase drivers that actually have a shot at beating him, Mark Martin and Jeff Gordon. It's too bad. I really thought that there was a chance that Johnson would finish way in the back and Martin and Gordon would make up some ground on him. But, that didn't happen. Again, it's too bad, because for a moment there it looked like Texas might be interesting.



Congrats to Jamie McMurray for outlasting the wrecks and finding himself in the lead at the end. It's been a long time since he won a race. Now, during the race one of the announcers said that McMurray's plans for 2010 were up in the air and that he hadn't been offered anything. I could have swore I heard he was going to drive for Ganassi in 2010, in the #1 car. That's really the only seat left unfilled at the moment.



Ryan Newman should be commended for his spiel about NASCAR and its bullshit rule changes. The "no bump drafting in the corners" rule didn't make for a better race, and it sure as hell didn't make things safer for the drivers on the track (Newman knows firsthand what those sudden rule changes mean in the real world). I'm sure he'll be reprimanded for his comments and he'll become a big pussy next week at Texas (that's what usually happens after drivers speak out about anything), but at least he got to say something in the heat of the moment. More often than not those are the best times to say things. You get to the truth that way.





So Texas is up next. Can someone please explain to me why the Nationwide race on Saturday can start at noon est, but the race on Sunday starts at 2:30pm?



Over in the IRL, it was announced this past week that Dan Wheldon will be back with Panther Racing next season (not much of a surprise since there aren't that many open seats available and Panther is one of the better second tier teams). Wheldon showed some speed at Indy but he was mediocre at most of the ovals, and the road and street course races were just horrendous for him. Hopefully 2010 is a better year for the former 500 champion.





It was also announced that the IRL would start up a new series as part of its "ladder" or "feeder" system, reviving the old F2000 series. According to the article I saw on the Speed Channel website, the new F2000 series would consist of about 13 races, with 11 one road/street courses and possibly two oval events (don't count on the oval races happening). The hope is that the F2000 would help develop drivers and teams to advance into the Indy Lights series and then, eventually, hopefully, in the full on IRL Indycar series. None of this will actually happen, though, because the F2000, if it isn't co-opted by the new American F1 team or one of the sports car series, will eventually become just another boring road racing series with 10 car fields filled with drivers no one has heard of.

What should happen is this: the F2000 should schedule like 40 events across the country and get both local pavement oval short track people and club sports car/small road course people involved. Let them see what the cars have to offer in terms of affordability, and let the fans at those tracks see what the cars offer in terms of coolness and entertainment value. Drum up interest and buzz everywhere. Do this before an official season starts (wait until 2011 to get officially started). And then, when you've got all kinds of people interested, schedule races at those short tracks and those road courses. Put on a good show, get more team owners interested, more drivers interested, more fans interested, and it just rolls on from there.

It really is just that simple. Will any of it happen, though? Any of it? Will the IRL use a feeder series like this to build support for itself across the country?

Of course not.

Being an Indycar fan can be pretty annoying and depressing sometimes.



Don't forget to check out the World of Outlaws World Finals this Saturday night, live from the Dirt Track at Charlotte. WoO Sprint Cars and Late Models will be in action. The Sprints should put on a good race. I'm not that into Late Models on dirt (they look like boats to me). But it should be a cool show. If you've got nothing else going on this Saturday, check it out. You might like it.





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That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. I hope you enjoyed this issue as much as I did putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a great listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

Lois: Honey, what do you say we uh...christen these new sheets, huh?

Peter: Why Lois Griffin, you naughty girl.

Lois: Hehehe...that's me.

Peter: You dirty hustler.

Lois: Hehehehe...

Peter: You filthy, stinky prostitute.

Lois: Aha, ok I get it...

Peter: You foul, venereal disease carrying, street walking whore.

Lois: Alright, that's enough!

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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