The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 11.09.09: Issue #80 - My Name is Bruce Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 11.09.2009
"My Name is Bruce" (2007). Finally, this column is in the Bruce Campbell business.
The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #80: "My Name is Bruce" (2007)
Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internet's movie review column that can't hear the voices in your head, crazy person, because they're in your head, not mine, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number eighty, I take a look at the 2007 horror comedy "My Name is Bruce," directed by and starring B-movie God and legend the Bruce Campbell.
My Name is Bruce
"My Name is Bruce" is one of those movies that manages to work both as a straight up, goofy horror comedy and a parody of goofy horror comedies. The characters in the story take what's happening in the story seriously but it's obvious, too, that all involved know that this whole enterprise is just ridiculous. The flick takes place in a small mining town in Oregon named Gold Lick that is besieged by the Chinese God of War, Guan-Di (James J. Peck). Guan-Di shows up after a group of horny teenagers mess around in a cemetery that's filled with old Chinese miners from back in the old days (some of them died in a cave in or something). Before Guan-Di destroys the entire town, young Gold Lick denizen and the only teenager to survive the initial Guan-Di attack Jeff (Taylor Sharpe), decides to kidnap his movie hero, Bruce Campbell (as played by, naturally, Bruce Campbell), to take on the monster. Campbell, thinking that the kidnapping is some kind of elaborate birthday present prank created by his agent Mills (the immortal Ted Raimi), goes along with Jeff and, eventually, the adoration of the entire town. They really think he is a hero. But when it comes down to actually fighting the monster, Campbell wimps out and runs away. What the hell is the matter with these people? Why is this prank not a prank?
As you'd expect, Campbell suddenly decides to reevaluate the choices he's made in his life (well, his recent choices, mostly the running away from the monster thing. He can't really do anything about the bad B-movies he's done and is slated to do. He's signed contracts) and goes back to Gold Lick to not wimp out. Will the Bruce Campbell be the man and hero that his mega fan Jeff wants him to be? Will he be able to actually save the town of Gold Lick from the nine foot Chinese monster with a giant scythe weapon? And will Bruce Campbell the man get to have sex with Jeff's mom Kelly (Grace Thorsen)? She is pretty dang hot, and that is what the hero gets to do in the end if he's successful.
Campbell has the time of his life sending up his entire career and public persona in this flick, and it shows in his performance. He makes the character Bruce Campbell sort of a loveable douchebag. He's got ex-wife trouble, he doesn't really like his fans (well, he tries to put up with them as best he can, but sometimes the fans get on his nerves. Like that guy in the wheelchair), and he knows that he's basically failed at life but he has no idea how to fix himself. And, to a certain degree, Campbell probably isn't all that interested in fixing himself anyway. He's managed to get himself into a nice little rut, making horrendous movie after horrendous movie (the "Cavealien" franchise looks really promising) and getting drunk afterwards. It's a perfect, messed up life. Essentially, Bruce Campbell is the kind of guy you don't really like but want to see succeed anyway. It's great to see Campbell put himself in a position to make fun of himself and somehow come out the better for it. I'm not going to say that Bruce Campbell is Bruce Campbell's best performance, but it's one of his best. It sounds kind of odd saying this, but playing Bruce Campbell is the perfect role for Bruce Campbell.
The flick is cheap but not so cheap that it's painful to watch. The sound effects are great, the music is above par (there's a great pseudo country folk song about Gold Lick's mining history that shows up every now and then. The song's lyrics are hilarious), and most important of all for this kind of flick, you can actually hear and understand what the characters are saying. The cast is pretty decent, too. Besides Campbell and Ted Raimi, you're probably not going to recognize any of the actors (I know I didn't). Taylor Sharpe does a great job as the uber Campbell fan Jeff. You probably know people just like Jeff (I know I do).
Grace Thorsen is hilarious as Kelly, Jeff's mom. She's clearly not impressed by Campbell's lame moves on her, and you feel for her when she has to figure out how to console her son when he finds out that his hero isn't a hero. And Ben L. McCain, as the town's mayor, is his own kind of naive douchebag. You'd think he'd know better than to hire a movie star to take on a real life monster.
And then there's Ted Raimi, who plays multiple roles. He does a superb job with all of them, although I really did want to see more of the Sign Painter. The character is a hoot. It's too bad that Sam Raimi, B-movie directing legend and the man that helped make Bruce Campbell Bruce fucking Campbell, didn't make an appearance (you'd think there'd be one but, for whatever reason, there isn't. Maybe Sam was busy, or maybe Campbell is saving Sam for the eventual sequel). The crew of "Cavealien 2" is also a hoot. Mike Kallio, the director of "Cavealien 2," is exactly how I picture a B-movie director that's making a really shitty but fun movie and he's only got ten days to make it. And kudos to the fat guy, Tiny (I believe that's his name, played by Adam Boyd), for being one of the greatest fat guys in B-movie history. Very funny stuff.
Now, the Guan-Di monster looks both cheesy and terrifying at the same time, which is fine with me but could be an issue with some movie watchers because it's obvious that it's just a big man in a rubber suit. Some people, for whatever reason, just don't like that. I also like how the monster, while ridiculous, is also incredibly ruthless. He runs through people like a tank through a village made of cardboard. And the blood flows freely. That's always cool. The violence is never mean, though, which, to me, is always a plus in a movie like this (if a movie wants to be cruel it has to earn the right to be cruel).
If you haven't seen "My Name is Bruce" yet, do it and do it now. If you're a Campbell fan, a B-movie fan, or a comedy fan, you really need to see it. It is a freaking imperative. And if you're just a person in the mood for a good time, do yourself a favor and check "My Name is Bruce" out. Despite its general cheesiness, the flick is a hoot. You will have a good time. No question about it.
I also want to see a full on version of "Cavealien 2." It can't possibly be any worse than "Battle Space."
See "My Name is Bruce." See it, see it, see it.
So what do we have here? A great low budget opening song, gratuitous people driving via rear projection, gratuitous DVD's, gratuitous Bubba Ho-tep T-shirt, gratuitous horny teenagers in a cemetery, a pretty hot fat chick, face splitting, wood headstone breaking, a magical doorknob, dead body flinging, gratuitous multiple decapitations, gratuitous Bruce Campbell, gratuitous Bruce Campbell playing a guy named Bruce Campbell, gratuitous Bruce Campbell making a mega low budget sci-fi action movie about aliens, gratuitous fat guy named "Tiny," gratuitous craft services, a bottle filled with urine, gratuitous making fun of "Serving Sara," gratuitous asshole fan in a wheelchair, gratuitous Bruce Campbell driving a Yugo, gratuitous strip club, gratuitous Ted Raimi, gratuitous Ted Raimi speaking French, gratuitous bean curd, gratuitous Bruce Campbell feeding a dog alcohol, a funny TV remote, nose picking, gratuitous "Fangoria" magazine, a hilarious bit where Bruce Campbell is replaced in "Cavealien 2" with a dummy, a guy with a shirt that says "Got ammo?," a slideshow, gratuitous spitball hooey, gay hicks, gratuitous room full of Bruce Campbell memorabilia, gratuitous Bruce Campbell washing his hair with drain cleaner, gratuitous mention of Sam Raimi, a banner with Brice Campbell's name misspelled, gratuitous Bruce Campbell eating ribs, goofy dancing, ass grabbing, a gleaming chainsaw, more head splitting, attempted car hotwiring, bike stealing, throat slitting, a shemale stripper, destroying a limited edition bit of memorabilia, gratuitous Chinese guy watching bowling, a Bruce Campbell stand up, and a hilarious ending that includes a plug for Campbell's book Make Love the Bruce Campbell Way.
Best lines: "What's wrong with Bruce Campbell?," "Bruce Campbell is the greatest actor of his generation!," "If you don't like Bruce, get out," "You scream like a girl," "Groovy," "Liquor! Liquor please!," "If this is another Mathew Perry movie...," "Come on! Can't a guy get bombed and call his ex-wife and not have it mean anything?," "What could you possibly want at 4:30 am?," "Oh my God! He's a fan! It's finally happened!," "Gold Lick? Where the fuck is Gold Lick?," "Hey, a MILF is a MILF," "Okay, when did my ex-wife start modeling?," "Well, hello Mr. Plot Point," "I'd say the only thing missing is a stool sample," "Hey, lady, ten cents a ride," "Kid, I made a movie in Bulgaria, I'm ready for anything," "Give it a rest, Shatner!," "What the fuck is that?," "Hey, ain't you that demon fighting sonofabitch?," "Oh, Jesus! That's a limited edition!," "Move the hand," "Hey, you big sonofabitch! Why don't you pick on somebody your own size?," "Well, it's nice to know that tofu really is good for you," "Bean curd!," "Hey, asshole! Go fuck yourself!," and "Not the face! Not the face!"
Rating: 10.0/10.0
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According to imdb.com, Bruce Campbell doesn't have any B-movies in the pipeline. He's slated to appear in the upcoming "Spider-Man 4," and he's done voice work for various cartoons and whatnot, but no B-movies. He's still doing that USA show "Burn Notice," though. It seems as though that takes up most of his time now. The TV show is probably a better gig than making a bunch of really bad but fun to watch anyway B-movies like "Alien Apocalypse" (which will eventually be reviewed by this column). It's steady work, the show is made in a warm climate, and it gives Campbell a chance to develop a character over a series of years instead of over a series of days. The money is probably way better, too.
Wikipedia claims that Campbell is working on an actual sequel to "My Name is Bruce." I hope it happens. I haven't read or heard anything about it, so who knows how true that wikipedia thing is.
John Carpenter, who had Campbell play a bit part in his awesome 1996 flick "Escape from LA," is back behind the camera after an eight year absence (from full length movies, that is. He did direct two episodes of "Masters of Horror") making some ghost movie or something (it's called "The Ward"). If that's a success and Carpenter decides to do another great horror/sci-fi/action hybrid movie, let's hope that Campbell gets a starring role. Who wouldn't want to see Bruce Campbell in a full length, ass kicking John Carpenter movie? Why not get Campbell as the star of that prison movie Carpenter was going to make with Nicolas Cage? That'd be pretty dang cool, wouldn't it?
Of course it would.
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Here are some trailers of Campbell's flicks. Enjoy.
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You really need to read this book.
If you haven't, what the heck are you waiting for?
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"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by the great Ken Foree) is now on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick, and you will not be disappointed.
The flick now also has a firm DVD release date. According to its MySpace page, "Live Evil" will hit DVD February 23rd, 2010. That's only a four short months away, so remember that date, and be sure to keep an eye on the MySpace page and the flick's new Facebook page for further updates/developments.
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Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule. Always remember that. And if there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.
And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.
"My Name is Bruce"
Bruce Campbell- Bruce Campbell Grace Thorsen- Kelly Graham Taylor Sharpe- Jeff Ted Raimi- Mills Toddner/Wing/Sign Painter Ben L. McCain- Mayor Michael Kallio- Hack director James J. Peck- Guan-Di/Cavealien Monster
Directed by Bruce Campbell Screenplay by Mark Verheiden
