Misunderstood Masterpieces 11.10.09: Ghost Rider

Posted by Will Helm on 11.10.2009

...or, Not All Superheroes Are Created Equal . . . and Some Just Have Flaming Heads

Since the dawn of the decade, comic-book-based films have proven to be some of the most successful and profitable in the action genre. Though the successes started with the rather obscure character of Blade and his related franchise in the late '90s/early 2000s, big money franchises like X-Men and Spider-Man built on that success, finally culminating in 2008's one-two punch of Iron Man and The Dark Knight.

Mixed in amid these blockbusters, though, are a series of smaller pictures featuring less famous or less popular super heroes; unfortunately, these films don't end up quite as well-regarded as their brethren. Some, like Fantastic Four, are campy send-ups of the original property, probably because modern audiences would think the adventures of Mr. Fantastic, Invisible Woman, The Thing, and the Human Torch as cheesy if presented seriously. Others, like Superman Returns, show potential but fall flat due to being muddled, bloated or both. Then, finally, there are the total failures, such as Daredevil – though the "Director's Cut" is supposedly spectacular – and Elektra, which appear to be total losses on every level.

Sadly, the marketers refused
the tagline "A flaming
biker adventure."

Remarkably, the same man is partly responsible for Daredevil and Elektra: writer/director Mark Steven Johnson. Even more remarkably, after these two missteps, Johnson still had another shot at cinematic glory; unfortunately for him, it was with another relatively obscure Marvel Comics character: Ghost Rider. Debuting in his most famous form – there was a Western-themed character earlier – in 1972, Ghost Rider capitalized on the biker culture of the late '60s/early '70s and mixed in a bit of the occult, making a vigilante hero known for his flaming skull and hellfire-laden motorcycle. Throughout the years, Ghost Rider remained one of Marvel's more popular second-tier characters, surviving through multiple volumes of his own comic as well as incarnations therein.

However, like Daredevil and Elektra, Ghost Rider isn't necessarily well known outside of comic-book circles, though one actor in particular is known to be a huge fan: Nicolas Cage. Perhaps serendipitously, Nicolas Cage would go on to star in Johnson's take on Ghost Rider, cleverly titled Ghost Rider, in 2007. Largely lambasted by critics, much like Johnson's previous entries, Ghost Rider underperformed after a February release – traditionally the time of year for cast-off pictures, garnering only $115 million at the domestic box office, $5 million more than its reported budget. As the "Director's Cut" of Daredevil proves, Johnson is no slouch, but is Ghost Rider an unfortunate third strike on his comic-book-film résumé, or is it actually a Misunderstood Masterpiece? Let's find out!

Under a full moon, the narrator from The Big Lebowski (Sam Elliot) picks up where that film left off and recites a legend regarding a cursed rider who works for the Devil. This rider did the Devil's dirty work until one decided to try and unionize in the 1800s and, in doing so, he burst into flames and rode off into the night, double-crossing the Devil in the process. And, of course, the narrator contends this is all true. Wow . . . not even the hackneyed "Based on a true story," movie? That's risking some serious suspension of disbelief.

The first misstep after this statement is then showing a carnival that isn't at all creepy, where a mysterious biker rides a motorcycle through a ring of fire. A ring of fire. A ring of fire. Johnny Cash would be proud. Apparently, this isn't just any guy, but a teenaged Johnny Blaze (Matt Long), who performs these stunts to impress his HOT CHICK girlfriend (Raquel Alessi), who's watching in the crowd. Johnny hams it up a bit for her, but his father and stunt-team partner, Barton (Brett Cullen, who seems to try really hard to be Chris Cooper), doesn't approve of Johnny's risky antics. Johnny, like any impetuous teen, thinks his dad is just jealous because he doesn't have a HOT CHICK girlfriend and Johnny does. Perhaps that's why, instead of making time with the chicks in the midway, Barton retires to the garage to work on his motorcycles, while he coughs menacingly after smoking a pack of Foreshadowing 100s, until Johnny throws them out.

"I'm going to ride into a superhero movie
and drink myself to death."

That evening, Johnny and his HOT CHICK girlfriend have a date, where they sit in a field and not have sex, even though she's leaving town to be with her mom because her dad thinks that Johnny is a ne'er-do-well carny, which is actually kind of astute. Johnny, proving that the HOT CHICK girlfriend's dad is pretty much right, tells her that he's going to ditch his father and their act and run off with the HOT CHICK girlfriend. Doesn't he know that it should always and forever be bros before hos?

Of course, Johnny's little scheme can't go off without a hitch, as, that night, Barton gets sick with lung cancer – probably from the Foreshadowing 100s, which were always touted by connoisseurs for their extra carcinogens – ruining Johnny's plans for happiness away from the carnival. Johnny, proving himself to be his father's son, decides to take his frustrations out on the motorcycles, mainly repairing them with great vengeance and furious anger. So much so, in fact, that Peter Fonda shows up for a visit because he's a "big fan" of Johnny's and wants to hire him to an exclusive contract. A skeptical Johnny refuses Peter Fonda's offer, so Peter Fonda sweetens the deal by telling Johnny that he'll take care of Barton in exchange for Johnny's service . . . and his soul! Before Johnny can say another word, Peter Fonda takes out a conveniently printed contract, which Johnny accidentally bleeds on, which is good enough of a signature for Peter Fonda. I wonder if "accidentally signing a contract in blood" would hold up in a court of law?

The next morning, Johnny wakes up and Barton is totally fine, much to Johnny's delight. Things get a little odd, though, when Barton reveals that he's got a plan for a new, bigger stunt, this time with helicopters! Rather than risk his life over and over to entertain drunken revelers, Johnny tells his father that he's leaving and, unsurprisingly, Barton isn't too happy with that. Nonetheless, Barton gives Johnny his lucky motorcycle and Johnny rides off to a better life . . . until Peter Fonda shows up at Barton's performance that night to kill him in a horrific accident, and just to be a dick. I would've thought the star of Easy Rider would be a lot cooler than that, honestly.

While Peter Fonda gloats, Johnny rides off rather than mourn his father, until Peter Fonda teleports over to freak out Johnny. Johnny isn't pleased with Peter Fonda's little interference, so Peter Fonda responds by setting Johnny's insides on fire, gently. I believe, in some cultures, that means they're married. After Peter Fonda puts out the fire inside Johnny – no word on if he used some diabolical Pepcid, Johnny leaves the HOT CHICK girlfriend standing around in the rain and rides off to the horizon . . . transforming into Nicolas Cage in the process. Now that's just mean, Peter Fonda!

If he has this sweet ride, why does
he need the Ghost Rider?

Sometime in the future after the long origin story, Johnny Blaze v2.0 jumps a zillion trucks and, while doing it, has a flashback to earlier in the movie, which causes him to crash horrifically. His crew and crew captain (Donal Logue) freak out, but Johnny gets up like nothing happened, even though he really should be dead one thousand times over. That night, Johnny rides on the tour bus and drinks jelly beans and tells his crew chief that he wants to watch a show about monkeys. OK, he might not be dead, but he's definitely profoundly brain damaged. Evidently his body is too stupid to know, though. The crew chief, meanwhile, wants to watch extreme – wait . . . X-treme~! – sports and scold Johnny, who broods.

Elsewhere, in a desert somewhere, a demon (Wes Bentley) in a fashionably long coat shows up out of nowhere and makes fire rain from the sky. Perhaps parched from his trip, the demon heads over to a local bar, where he kills a biker before going outside to get a drink. It's hard work killing a biker, even for a demon. Meanwhile, in some nameless city, Johnny goes home to his apartment, where his crew chief complains some more while Johnny settles down to watch a monkey do kung-fu. After Johnny's crew chief finishes his scolding lecture, Johnny gets all metaphysical with him because he wants a second chance, even though he seems to be on his millionth chance so far.

Back at the bar, the demon kills everyone and then he calls up some demon buddies of his, specifically a water demon (Daniel Frederiksen), an earth demon (Laurence Breuls), and an air demon (Mathew Wilkinson) and they join together because the demon wants the Devil's contract from the prologue earlier in the film. With this IMPORTANT PLOT POINT revealed, Peter Fonda shows up out of nowhere to confront the demon, mainly because he's actually the Devil – or, at least, the Marvel Comics equivalent, "Mephisto" – and the demon just so happens to be Mephisto's petulant son Blackheart! Dum-dum-DUM!

Back in the city, Johnny listens to The Carpenters before a big stunt until his crew chief interrupts. Johnny then preps for the big show by chugging a pot of coffee – no jellybeans, though – until the crew chief escorts him from the dressing room. While the crew chief shrugs off the media and Johnny's adoring fans, a grown-up HOT CHICK girlfriend – now known as Roxanne Simpson (Eva Mendes) – shows to interview Johnny and, though the crew chief protests, Johnny uncharacteristically agrees. Moments later, it becomes evident why Johnny doesn't do interviews, as his brain damage kicks in and he rambles through the chat and makes it really uncomfortable for all involved.

"If I give you the 'crazy eye,'
maybe you won't ask me if
I got my coat at Hot Topic."

Roxanne, perhaps disappointed that her big scoop didn't pan out quite the way she wanted, wanders off; meanwhile, Johnny gets ready for his big stunt while his crew chief yells at him for wasting time with Roxanne. The haranguing continues until Johnny reveals that he has a little addition to the day's stunt: helicopters, in tribute to his father. After the helicopters set down in the midst of Johnny's path, Johnny pines for Roxanne, which makes him jump the helicopters – successfully, for once – and ride off after his one-time HOT CHICK girlfriend.

While Roxanne and her trusty cameraman (Gibson Nolte) drive off, Johnny, on his super-bike, catches up with them and does tricks on his motorcycle to impress Roxanne yet again. Unfortunately for him, as they're not teenagers anymore, this doesn't affect her at all . . . until Johnny starts terrorizing her, which finally breaks her down enough that she hops from her news van and makes out with Johnny, much to the delight of nearby cows. After the impromptu makeout session, Johnny and Roxanne make a date for later that evening and then Johnny signs autographs while Roxanne drives off, probably to change her underwear because that Johnny Blaze is just so dreamy.

That night, at a restaurant, Roxanne waits patiently for Johnny and then, when he's unsurprisingly late, she checks her Magic 8-Ball for reasons totally unexplained and unrevealed. Sadly, there's no word on whether or not the Magic 8-Ball responded with "Don't ask me; the screenwriters didn't think of a punchline for this scene." Meanwhile, back at Johnny's apartment, Johnny talks to himself in front of a mirror and he starts having a freakout! After Johnny's freakout, his old motorcycle shows up outside, this time driven by Mephisto, because he's got a little job for Johnny: he wants Blackheart stopped at all costs! Johnny isn't too happy with this development, so he refuses because he's got a hot date; Mephisto responds by possessing Johnny's bike, which takes Johnny with it.

Meanwhile, at an old railyard, the demon gang wanders around until a wimpy caretaker provides exposition until Blackheart kills him. Thanks for showing up, caretaker! While the demon gang fans out in search of Mephisto's contract, Johnny and his now-flaming motorcycle arrive and, once there, Johnny bursts into flames . . . slowly, which gives Nicolas Cage plenty of time to overact. Hmm . . . where have I seen something like that before? When Johnny FINALLY transforms into the titular Ghost Rider – complete with the iconic flaming skull and leather jacket, he has a faceoff with Blackheart and the demon gang, during which the demon gang tries to kill him, but Ghost Rider just ends up frying the earth demon instead. In the interim, Blackheart and the other demons skedaddle, so Ghost Rider, with a little time on his hands, tricks out his bike and makes it all demonically awesome. While all of this is going on, Roxanne gets hammered in the restaurant and then Ghost Rider freaks out a mugger and purges his soul with his superpowers.

At dawn, Ghost Rider somehow goes to a deserted cemetery and, once there, he becomes normal just as Wade Garrett ambles by for a chat and to nurse Johnny back to health the next morning. After Johnny recuperates in a chapel, Wade Garrett provides some exposition about the Ghost Rider, which is really helpful for pretty much everyone not named "Nicolas Cage." Back at the railyard, Roxanne covers the murder of the wimpy caretaker and bugs a cop about it, asking if it's related to the massacre in the bar the night before. Dum-dum-DUM! At the cemetery, Wade Garrett stitches up Johnny and provides more exposition and then Johnny asks Wade Garrett about Blackheart, which just leads to . . . more exposition! This is some red hot exposition action. So much so, in fact, that Johnny can't handle it and rides away to mull over everything.

Wade Garrett: master
of exposition and
life of the party.

In the city, Roxanne accidentally helps out the cops by reciting a quote from the Bible; meanwhile, Johnny surveys the damage his possessed bike caused the night before, which the cops believe might just be the work of a terrorist . . . and the same guy who killed a bunch of bikers and a wimpy caretaker. While Johnny wanders around, Roxanne interviews the girl who Ghost Rider saved from the mugger the night before and the girl gets all trippy and describes Johnny a little too literally. After the girl takes her leave, Johnny meets up with Roxanne and apologizes for the night before, but she's unsurprisingly not receptive to it, probably because she's hung over and still guilty about hooking up with the waiter . . . or two.

That evening, Johnny goofs off in front of a mirror and then reads a bunch of books about the Devil. Somehow, reading Faust causes Johnny to learn to control his powers and light candles with his flaming fingers. OK, it's a little anticlimactic, but Faust was a remake anyway, so it's not as powerful as the original. Then again, it is convenient that Johnny learns how to light candles, as it sets the mood for the arrival of Roxanne, who wants to apologize to Johnny – even though she didn't do anything wrong – and tell him that she's leaving town, again. With this in mind, Johnny and Roxanne reminisce about all the times he let her down and she left town because of it and then something happens that I didn't see because my DVD player kept getting stuck at this scene and then they make out, because this scene has to end with that, right?

After Roxanne leaves, the cops show up to arrest Johnny because they think, in their infinite wisdom – and thanks to a license plate that was found at the scene of the crime, that Johnny's responsible for blowing up a city block; killing some bikers; and, most significantly of all, killing the wimpy caretaker! Oh that wimpy caretaker; he was so close to retirement. Down at the station, the cops try to get Johnny to confess to the murders but, since he's innocent, he refuses. The cops, just because they can, lock up Johnny and, once in the cell, the other inmates make Johnny go crazy, so they beat him up. Of course, that ends up being a very bad idea, as Johnny once again transforms into Ghost Rider and gets his REVENGE on the inmates . . . and a new, fancier leather jacket.

While Blackheart visits a church and harasses a priest, Ghost Rider summons his pimped-out motorcycle and escapes jail, making sure to drive up a bridge and pose for the pursuing cops in the process before driving into a river and flipping off the cops as he rides away. Eventually, Ghost Rider meets up with the air demon and they have a brief tussle, which segues into a chase . . . up the side of a skyscraper. A skyscraper which, conveniently, just happens to be across the street from Roxanne's apartment, which she conveniently hasn't left yet. Well, that's a lot of convenience. While the air demon does whatever it is that air demons do, Ghost Rider hijacks a police helicopter and tells the pilot to get lost and then he exorcizes the air demon with a flaming whirlwind in yet another anticlimactic moment.

After the fight, Ghost Rider tries to say "hi" to Roxanne, who just happened to drop by at the scene, but those mean cops spoil the mood by shooting Ghost Rider multiple times, to no effect other than to be total cockblockers. Ghost Rider, quite aware that he's not going to get any that night, drives off to transform into Johnny Blaze and visit Wade Garrett yet again. Sometime later, while the cops meet with Roxanne and ask her about Johnny, Johnny learns all about the last Ghost Rider – the one who double-crossed the Devil in the very beginning of the picture – from Wade Garrett. Ah, there's no exposition quite like a Sam Elliott exposition.

Umm . . . yeah.
I have no comment.

That night, Roxanne goes to Johnny's apartment, but, instead of Johnny, she finds . . . the crew chief! He's been behind the murders all along! Or not, as, actually, he wants to know what's going on and why Johnny's getting arrested and escaping from jail and such. Rather than wait for any answers, the crew chief then shows Roxanne all the freaky books that Johnny's been reading, probably to freak her out so that he can hook up with her. Over at the cemetery, Blackheart and his water demon buddy pay Wade Garrett a visit because Blackheart wants the Devil's contract and he thinks Wade Garrett has it. To that end, he beats up Wade Garrett, but, after the Devil's contract proves not to be there, Blackheart asks Wade Garrett about Johnny and Roxanne, maybe because he loves stories about a guy who's a constant disappointment and a girl who always leaves town when things get bad.

Johnny, who hasn't really been doing anything all day, goes off in search of Roxanne; meanwhile, she's busy reading Johnny's Satanic books and learning about the mysterious Ghost Rider, or, at the very least, extrapolating obscure theology regarding Ghost Rider. Before Roxanne can discover that Ghost Rider isn't bony all over, Blackheart shows up to kill the crew chief and almost kill Roxanne, even though he needs her to bargain with Johnny and killing her at this point would be really dumb, even though he really, really wants to. With the crew chief dead and Roxanne mostly dead, Johnny shows up to survey the scene and, upon seeing Blackheart, transform into Ghost Rider and fight Blackheart. Somehow, in a plot twist that's totally unexplained, Blackheart apparently steals Johnny's contract from Mephisto and tells Ghost Rider to fetch the Devil's contract, wherever it is.

To that end, Johnny goes to see Wade Garrett YET AGAIN and Wade Garrett gives Johnny the Devil's contract because he was the old Ghost Rider all along even though that was thoroughly and completely evident from the first moment mainly because he wasn't just a character but also the narrator. Whew. But I'm sure it's an amazing plot twist for someone, somewhere, so kudos for them. Anyway, after Wade Garrett gives Johnny the contract, they team up and ride off in flaming style to some old town, after which the old Ghost Rider rides off into the night because there isn't any need for exposition at this point in the film.

With no Wade Garrett to guide him, Johnny rides through a mysterious bog – in the middle of the desert – which probably has absolutely nothing to do with the still-surviving water demon. Nope, not at all . . . of course until the water demon attacks Johnny and pulls him under. Once submerged, Johnny changes back into Ghost Rider and uses his flames to boil the water demon back to Hell. Hopefully he salted the water first; there's nothing worse than bland demon.

Finally, Johnny rides into town and faces off with Blackheart again, who has Roxanne hostage . . . again. I'm sensing a bit of repetition from the screen-writing team. Johnny, who has the contract, convinces Blackheart to release Roxanne . . . and he does with no subterfuge, proving that he's not quite his father's son; with the hostage now safe, Johnny turns over the contract but, before he lets go of it, he changes into Ghost Rider and fights Blackheart by throwing flaming balls of dirt at him. OK; that's just unintentionally – or perhaps intentionally, but I'm betting on the former – hilarious.

Don't smoke and ride
or this is bound to happen.

Before Ghost Rider can foil Blackheart with more flammable soil, the sun begins to rise and Ghost Rider transforms back into Johnny, much to Blackheart's delight. In fact, Blackheart uses this moment to summon a bunch of souls from the town with the contract, causing bad special effects to break out as Blackheart absorbs the souls and becomes SUPERBLACKHEART! Dum-dum-DUM! Johnny, who's, as established before, severely brain damaged, decides to take on SUPERBLACKHEART instead of running away with Roxanne, with unspectacular results. Roxanne, meanwhile, has a better time of it as she grabs Johnny's shotgun and blasts SUPERBLACKHEART with it a couple times, until she runs out of shells and realizes that was probably a really bad idea in the long run.

Even though the gun is empty, Johnny grabs it from Roxanne and, using the combined force of the shadows and his Ghost Rider powers, he imbues the shotgun with demonic energy and blows up SUPERBLACKHEART with it! Yay! But, like the end of Terminator 2 or any Japanese RPG, this turns out to be a false demise for the villain, as SUPERBLACKHEART regroups – quite literally – for another round. It doesn't last long, however, as Johnny finds the last bit of shadows in the town and uses it to change once more into Ghost Rider, allowing him to give SUPERBLACKHEART the "penance stare" – his contrived superpower which purges evil from souls or something like that, which causes the once-soulless SUPERBLACKHEART to collapse, defeated.

In the aftermath, Roxanne makes out with Johnny and then Mephisto arrives to make peace with Johnny because he technically served out his contract. Though Mephisto tries to reclaim the power of the Ghost Rider, Johnny refuses because he knows just how these deals with Mephisto work and he wants to spite his old boss. Eventually, Johnny leaves Roxanne behind in a field while he drives off to be Ghost Rider and Sam Elliott provides an epilogue, just in case Ghost Rider 2 comes to fruition.

Though a disappointment among critics and at the box office, Ghost Rider really isn't that bad. Sure, it could be edited down a bit, with the overly long origin story in the beginning and a lot of the lather-rinse-repeat goofiness in the middle, but, like the first type of comic-book film mentioned in the introduction, it's largely entertaining fun. It is evident that Nicolas Cage relished his role here as he plunges into the part with reckless – though weird; jellybeans? Really? – abandon, giving the film a needed sheen of camp thanks to his particular brand of "acting." Mendes is fine as the requisite eye candy, while Bentley tries to match Cage's aplomb with his take on Blackheart as sort of an unhinged hipster. Luckily, Elliott and Fonda are on hand to keep the proceedings together and not allow the film to tip too far into the unintentionally hilarious. All in all, Ghost Rider, while imperfect, somewhat redeems writer/director Mark Steven Johnson for his past cinematic sins, giving him some semblance of a true Misunderstood Masterpiece.

Join me next week when a wise-cracking web-slinger falls on hard times; see you then!
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