Babes, Bombs, and Blockbusters Movie News Report 11.10.09
Posted by Mike Gorman on 11.10.2009
Check out this week’s Swine Flu free edition of the 3Bs News Report! Inside you will find Hollywood news about who might be the new Spider-Man villain, David Fincher’s next project, & what board game Peter Berg is bringing to life, a Katy Perry pictorial, and Ten Lessons to take from Virus Movies.
Welcome to this week's Babes, Bombs and Blockbusters News Report. Please remember to cough into your elbow, and pass the Purel.
She kissed a girl and she liked, and aren't we all a bit better for the experience? Your Babe of the Week is of course singer and songwriter Katy Perry.
Check out today's news bombs!
Looks like Spidey might have pussy problems
IGN reports that the main villain for the next Spider-Man man film may have been cast. Rumors from "reliable sources" state that Rachel McAdams, star of Mean Girls and Wedding Crashers, will be taking on the role of Felicia Hardy aka the Black Cat. Including the Black Cat in the next film could definitely spice things up a bit, at least when it comes to Peter Parker's love life. Mary Jane has been a consistent bore the first three films in my opinion.
A Se7en reunion is in the works
Director of Se7en, David Fincher's next project will reunite him with two of his colleagues from that film, writer Andrew Kevin Walker and producer Michael De Luca. The new film is a remake of The Reincarnation of Peter Proud for Columbia Pictures. According to the Hollywood Reporter, Proud is the story of "a man who begins to have dreams of what he believes are moments from a past life, leading him to try to discover the source of his visions." Sounds like an interesting product for Fincher to take on. THR also spoke of several darker elements to the plot that would be right up Fincher's directing alley.
Winstone joins icy serial killer cast
It was reported today that Ray Winstone has joined the cast of the film Red Snow, a thriller based on the true story of an Alaskan serial killer in the 80s. Winstone will portray an ex-SAS officer who is tracking down his missing daughter. A serial killer loose in the frozen forests of Alaska sounds like a pretty creepy concept bolstered by it being a true story.
You sunk my UFO!
According to DarkHorizons, Peter Berg is attached to direct a film adaptation of the Hasbro board game, Battleship. Berg has stated his desire to be a part of the project is based on his love of the Navy and the game. In an interview he described his vision as "a contemporary story of an international five-ship fleet engaged in a very dynamic, violent and intense battle." Sounds great, no? It seems there are some more details about the plot you should hear before forming an opinion. The opponents in this battle will not a warring nation but instead aliens. One has to wonder what was the development discussion like that led to this concept. Were they worried about offending another country by making them the opponents in the battle? Had they thought that battling aliens in space had become cliché? Or, as the reporter on DarkHorizons pondered, is Hasbro thinking about making a new game out of this film? Personally, I think it sounds like lazy filmmaking.
Fears about the H1N1 virus (aka the Swine Flu) are reaching an all time high as more people become infected and more deaths are reported on the news. While I appreciate the information I am getting from the local and national news units, the CDC, and my own doctor about this virus I could not help but wonder if there was anything we could learn from the world of film when it comes to dealing with viral outbreaks. This week I chose ten movies that contain valuable information as we stand on the brink of a pandemic. I give you my Top Ten Lessons About Viruses We've Learned at the Movies.
10. The threat might not just be biological
In the aptly titled film Virus Jamie Lee Curtis battled an extraterrestrial virus that spread through machines and technology. Could our beloved iPhones, mp3 players and laptops turn on us as easily as the ship turned on Curtis and her fellows? Maybe, just maybe.
9. An evil corporation is usually to blame
Many television news programs have been commenting on how major corporations have been getting access to the H1N1 vaccine before some schools or hospitals. Could these companies know something that we do not know? Is this far fetched or could this be something akin to the Umbrella Corporation behind the chaos of the Resident Evil films? The UC created and was responsible for the release of the zombifying virus in the RE films. No one really should have ever trusted them. I mean, one corporation that wants to do everything for you. Sounds like bad news to me.
8. The monkeys are still pissed over losing the evolutionary lottery
The deadly virus spread in the film Outbreak was first transmitted by a monkey. Sure they are cute and all with their expressive faces and little hands but when it comes down to it they are jealous about our opposable thumbs and they always have been. They'd toss a deadly virus at you as soon as they'd toss their poop. They cannot be trusted. Neither can the bears. I'm just saying.
7. No matter how safe you think that you are… you're not.
A good portion of the 70s film, The Andromeda Strain, was devoted to showing us just how safe and secure the underground research facility was. They had decontamination showers, entire floors devoted to making you clean, filters, robots… you name it. And in the end, it was no safer than a house above ground. A sense of security is a sign of weakness when it comes to a deadly outbreak. This fact has been proven time and time again.
6. Do not trust ______________. (Insert institution or organization of choice here)
Look, people are being rounded up and taken away, but it must be for the public good. Right? Or maybe you've been trapped inside a dirty old apartment building by the "Police" just so they can make sure you are safe while everyone around you is getting sick, like in Quarantine. Whenever anyone says that are doing something to you for your own good during a time of pestilence and disease, you should probably run. If you don't you might end up trapped with some crazy rabid freaks.
5. Once your friends start dying, end your camping trip.
Maybe even end it before they start dying, like as soon as they start developing large sores and their skin starts falling off. That way you will at least prove you are more intelligent than the young adults in the film Cabin Fever. People coughing up blood should be a huge red flag to seek immediate assistance regardless of the time of night or where your cabin is located. This film had another lesson for us during the closing sequence. Never, never ever, buy lemonade from kids at a country store that is giving off a crazy banjo playing Deliverance-esque vibe. Just don't.
4. Protect your pets. They can be victims too.
Sure, most common viruses in human beings do not jump over to furry friends but during a virulent outbreak try to keep your pets safe none the less. I personally can barely stand to watch the scene where the dog dies in I Am Legend never mind having to actually go through it in real life. Admit it, you cried to. If you didn't at least get misty eyed you do not have a soul. It was the man's dog for goodness sake.
3. Sometimes the crazy doomsayer is not so crazy after all.
Maybe you've heard some really crazed caller on a radio talk show or perhaps it is a co-worker wearing a mask to the office now every day. Regardless, I am sure that by this point we have all heard someone make the claim that the swine flu signifies the end of the world and that we should all be prepared. (The advent of the 2012 film is not really helping either.) Most of the time these people are just wackjobs we should ignore, but in the case of the movie 12 Monkeys it turns out that the loon is actually a very sane man from the future sent back in time to help stop the viral outbreak from ever occurring. So, if you do come across a person spouting off about the end of the world and their identity cannot be determined, maybe, just maybe, you should hear them out…
2. Sometimes the virus is just the beginning of your problems
Sure a deadly virus could wipe out a large percentage of the world's population, but what then? If reality becomes anything at all like The Stand then it would be time to start paying attention to your dreams to see what side of the final battle you're on. Me, I would certainly hope to dream of an old woman in a corn field instead of the creepy shadow guy with those red eyes that haunt me every night already. Should I be concerned?
1. Running is your best weapon for survival
Forget hand washing and Purel, if there ever was a virus out there turning people into rabid zombie-esque freaks than you better be able to run, like the last inhabitants of London in 28 Days Later. It won't matter how clean your hands are if one of the infected spews their blood into your mouth or eyes, or ears, or wherever I suppose. Getting away as quickly as you can will be of the upmost importance. This lesson was also repeated in the recent film Zombieland. Good cardio was the number one rule of survival for one of the main characters. I for one would be in a bit of trouble if this were to come to past as I am on the larger side and do not exactly move fast. Maybe I can pay someone who is fast to pull me in a wagon. Hmmm, I have some calls to make. While I do that, why don't you let me know if I missed any important caveats.
Your Tuesday ‘Tube Bonus Clip
This weekend SNL took a crack at the Twilight series and here is the result:
Say goodnight Katy…
Until next week watch out for the bombs, catch a good blockbuster and check out a sweet babe or two. Oh, and for goodness sake, bookmark http://www.411mania.com. Are you using Twitter? You can follow me and 411mania's zones on these pages:
One last note…
This week I want to use this space to promote a new feature I am getting going that allows you to let out your inner fat kid on Twitter. Welcome to:
Have you eaten something particularly bad for you?
Craving a specific snack like it is nobody's business?
Maybe your jeans are tight and you're having a fat day?
Or maybe like me, you a fat guy (or girl) living your life and encountering some unique moments that you know other peeps could relate to?
Post it on Twitter and add the tag "#fatter", then you can check out your post and others from fellow fatties in substance or spirit on my web site at:
http://www.mykelogan.com/fatter
In the next week or so "The Fatter Blog" will also launch on that site as I document the life and times of a not so typical fat guy… me. Ok, so maybe sometimes I fit the stereotypes but what are you gonna do?
(All information and gossip gathered from Fark.com, Aintitcoolnews.com, Hollywoodreporter.com, Moviehole.net, Reuters.com, Variety.com, MTV.com, IMDB.com, IGN.com WENN news, and Darkhorizons.com)
