Ten Deep 10.19.09: 80s Action Movies

Posted by Owain J. Brimfield on 11.19.2009

Take a journey back to the decade of action movie excess as we take a look at the greatest action flicks of the 1980s!





Welcome to week 56 of 'Ten Deep'! Last week's look at ensemble casts drew a surprisingly large and varied array of comments, so let's look at some:

Reactions and interactions

Well there were a huge number of suggestions from you guys, not to mention quite a widely held bit of surprise that I haven't yet seen The Departed. It's been near the top of my "to see" list for a while, but given the amount of positive feedback directed towards it I guess I'll bump it up to the top. To touch on a few of the more frequent suggestions:

Hamlet was a film more people expected to see in lieu of Much Ado About Nothing but I guess it's a matter of personal preference. The two are very similar films with outstanding ensembles so it would have been a little pointless to put them both in the list, but on another day I might well have opted for something being rotten in the state of Denmark.

The Royal Tenenbaums, as Guest#8761 astutely pointed out, is a Wes Anderson film and I've made my dislike for his movies clear several times before, which undoubtedly influenced me against including it.

Batman Begins / The Dark Knight and Heat were cut from the shortlist at the last minute so I definitely get the love for those casts, although taking Heat off was more due to the emphasis on the Pacino/De Niro dynamic dominating the acting.

Mars Attacks! - really? That's one of those films where I think people make the mistake of thinking of an ensemble cast as simply one where there are lots of famous names in the cast list, like Sin City too. Just because there are a bunch of big names involved doesn't mean they effectively gel into a single ensemble, which was the aim of the list.

Which, incidentally, leads me to Alcoholic, who called me a jackass for including The Godfather on the basis that the actors weren't widely known when the film was made. Does that stop the cast from being an ensemble? Only in your tiny, tiny brain, you colossal ignoramus. I expect to see a better effort at a trolling comment from you this week.

Elsewhere, the danger stranger wonders if No Country for Old Men was deliberately left off; I didn't really count that as an ensemble since it's really only focused on three primary characters. Great film though for sure.

Several people also had some thanks for the Magnolia love, which brings up a valid point in that the film does tend to get short thrift in some circles, which I've never really understood.

Yes, David O, I haven't seen It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad World. Another one on my "to see" list, which could probably circle my house several times thanks to its girth.

Guest#9666 and Taffin both mention A Bridge Too Far as an omission, and they're right, I completely forgot about that. It would definitely have made the list in some capacity.

Moving on!

castmeastheriddlerchris mentioned The Expendables as an upcoming film with a killer ensemble, which is certainly true, and since that film seems set on recreating the genius of the 80s action movie scene, it seemed like a nice segue to move on to this week's topic. OK, now just to clear this up at the outset, when I talk about "80s action movies" for the purposes of this column, I am not talking about any films that happen to have action elements that were released in the 80s.

Let me repeat, since this will undoubtedly cause a number of comments: I am not talking about any films that happen to have action elements that were released in the 80s.

I am talking about films that fit the cheesy, balls-to-the-wall out-and-out action movie template that was honed to OTT perfection in the 80s. Films based solidly in the real world, with gratuitous violence and overly chauvinistic tendencies, lots of guns and explosions, plenty of demeaning of the fairer sex, a cool villain and an even cooler muthafucka of a hero. It doesn't necessarily have to possess all those ingredients, but you know exactly the sort of film I mean. So there's no room for stuff like Raiders of the Lost Ark or Aliens, Robocop, Predator, The Terminator or any number of other films people would undoubtedly claim about me leaving off if I didn't explain this properly. There's to be no films with sci-fi, fantasy or adventure components This is intended for "pure" action movies only. Although I'm sure I'll probably bend the rules a bit.

As always, there's one golden rule: if I haven't seen it, it's not allowed on the list.

This week's golden rule notable omissions: Action Jackson, American Ninja, Black Rain, The Hidden





Honorable mention: Above the Law

Surprisingly, the only film Steven Seagal made in the 80s, but still one of his best.

Honorable mention: 48 Hours

Not only did Eddie Murphy used to be funny, he used to be a decent action man.

Honorable mention: Red Dawn

Not sure it strictly fits our criteria, but deserves a mention nonetheless.

10. Bloodsport

Setting the tone for much of our list, we open with the Muscles from Brussels in one of his many 80s "gems". While Van Damme would go on to superior fare like Timecop and Universal Soldier, some of his 80s work is pretty solid, and no film is more representative of that fact than Bloodsport. Based on a pretty damn dubious "true story" premise about an army man who goes AWOL (not to be confused with Van Damme's own AWOL) in order to participate in a Far Eastern deathmatch martial arts tournament. That's the single-handed premise, as we follow Van Damme working his violent way through a variety of variously skilled martial artists, and in a rather comedic subplot, outwit and evade Forest Whitaker in an early role as a government agent out to arrest him, since soldiers aren't really supposed to break ranks to go and kill Asians in a bare knuckle fighting contest. With little in the way of exposition to bog the narrative down, the film allows Van Damme to do what he does best, which is split wigs and maim orientals with boggling versatility. The variety of martial arts on display is extremely impressive, with Van Damme's ninjutsu pitted against everything from sumo to kickboxing, but for those of you not sufficiently enthralled by the artistry, you can enjoy the sight of Van Damme whirling through the air like a bird to kick seven shades of shit out of his opponents. Plus, (unintentional) comic relief comes from the man's attempts, or lack thereof, at an American accent. As exhibitions of chop-socky fight scenes go you really can't go wrong with Bloodsport, which lays its cards on the table at the outset and is a happy excuse for seeing lots of grown men beat each other up in some pretty cool ways. What an admirable attitude!

9. Invasion USA

The Chuck Norris Facts meme might have lost a bit of its coolness recently, but people still go on and on about the guy, because while memes come and go, bearded ass-kickers love forever. Invasion USA poses the tricky hypothetical "who would win if Chuck Norris fought an entire army?", and then plots the absolute simplest narrative route possible in order to deliver on the speculation. Throwing subtely straight of the window, the film sees, yes, an army of communist terrorists invading Florida with the intention, however deluded, of taking over the entire country. Quite how they mean to accomplish this when only numbering several hundred, I'm not really sure, but that's really beside the point, since on their way they burn down Chuck Norris's house, and the Chuckster doesn't look back. While Norris doesn't have quite the wit or charisma of an Arnie or a Bruce (although "I'm gonna hit you with so many rights you'll be begging for a left" is a brave stab at a one-liner), he packs a veritable arsenal of ass-whoop. When the commies eventually take over Miami and Atlanta, the National Guard is called in, but let's face it, they're pretty much powerless to do anything but stand back and watch Chuck take control. And take control he does, wasting goons left right and center and single-handedly saving the entire country from a particular nasty fate. Well, given the baddies' utterly stupid plan, they probably wouldn't have lasted much longer anyway, but it's much more fun watching Chuck do the dirty work on his own. Did I mention the commies' leader is an old adversary of Chuck's? Well, it's pretty incidental since Chuck was going to kill him anyway, but it does throw a bit of spice into the mix. At heart though, Invasion USA is a simple tale of a one-man-army doing what a normal army can't and taking down another army. Simple setup, straightforward execution, bam - 80s action classic.

8. Lethal Weapon 2

For as tired as the Lethal Weapon franchise got as it dragged on and its two principals saw their hairlines recede further and further, the first two films in the series remain near the pinnacle of the action genre, and although the second is ever so slightly inferior to its daddy, it remains essential viewing for all action fans. Despite Shane Black leaving the film thanks to his original work being rewritten, his fingerprints are all over the screenplay, lending the man's trademark unforced cool to the second outing of Riggs and Murtaugh. Adding to the mix the bogglingly unlikely combination of Joe Pesci and Patsy Kensit, one of whom is extremely memorable and one of whom is extremely unmemorable (I'll leave that particular distinction in your hands to decide, but bear in mind one is a respect actor and the other stars in third-tier British soap operas), the film progresses from the original's heroin bust plot on to a more grandiose take on South African drug smuggling and diplomatic immunity, invoked with glee by main evildoer Joss Ackland (who more than makes up for the lack of Gary Busey by being a truly lip-curling baddie), and eliciting plenty of cheers when said immunity is finally, violently, revoked. Despite the peculiar charms of Riggs being occasionally overplayed by Gibson and a hairstyle that is surely the second most ridiculous in this list (seriously, do these guys not have a stylist or something), the characters make the movie count. In taking on a sequel to one of the most critically acclaimed action movies of its time, director Richard Donner set himself a tough task, but thanks in no small part to the effortless chemistry between Gibson and Glover and a streamlined and effective action template, Lethal Weapon 2 succeeds.

7. Lethal Weapon

I have little doubt there'll be some discontent about this relatively low placing, but I've just never been a big fan of Lethal Weapon; I guess Mel Gibson just doesn't do it for as an action hero. I prefer his Jew-baiting and skirt-wearing work to be honest. That said though, there's no denying Lethal Weapon is the definitive buddy-cop movie, and in the pairing of Gibson and Danny Glover the film hit paydirt. And for those of you doubting Glover's action credentials, let's not forget that the man managed to kill a Predator all on his lonesome, so no messing with that guy. For all Gibson's lunatic grandstanding as the psychotic Riggs, and Glover's world-weariness at trying to keep the titular weapon somehow in check, the movie is constantly stolen by Mad Gary Busey as Mr. Joshua, one of action cinema's all-time great henchmen, utterly insane and determined to best the good guys. The climactic beatdown between the two is well worth the wait, but let's not forget the rest of the film's merits, as the two unlikely compadres (yeah, you may think it's a tired cliché now, but Lethal Weapon did it first and did it best) work to bring down a heroin smuggling operation fronted by the rather nasty Mitchell Ryan. The tandem work of Gibson's hysteria and Glover's restraint is central to the film's success, and even if on the downside it would go on to inspire years' worth of rip-offs and pale imitations, the pairing still works so well that it's probably worth it on balance. As one of the most influential action films of all time, it may be a little disarming for me to leave it stuck at number seven, but chalk that up to personal bias. Regardless though, it's a damn fine action flick and worthy of reverence.

6. Police Story

I could do a 'Ten Deep' purely focusing on Jackie Chan movies (which I know for a fact my friend Mantonia would cream himself over), and indeed had planned to do one, but it fell by the wayside for one reason or another. So instead we'll placate his fans by mentioning here arguably his magnum opus, Police Story. It's probably worth mentioning that Project A would have got a mention too, had it not been for all the stuff about pirates and ninjas which I thought put it out of contention as a "pure" action movie. Anyway, Police Story (not to be confused with New Police Story, which is a whole different kettle of fish) is a lot more straightforward, with Chan as a cop out to bring down a crime lord, and all the associated tomfoolery that such a simple setup engenders. Needless to say, as with most Chan films, the story is completely on the backburner, with the action sequences being the film's focus. And action-packed they are indeed, from a car chase through (and I mean literally *through*) a shanty town to a bone-breaking bus crash, to the climactic shopping mall destruction that left Chan, always dedicated to his craft, with second-degree burns and a broken pelvis, the set-pieces don't slow down for a second. As with all the best Eastern action scenes, there's no wire work or CGI or anything like that, increasing the visceral thrill as you know Chan and his compatriots are busting this shit out for real. Mighty impressive it is, too, and helps the film to its position as one of the Asian market's premier action films, not just of the decade. Of course, for those of you with a propensity to dislike action films that involve reading the screen when you could be spending your time getting an adrenaline boost, you can probably get away with the dubbed version for some added comedy value. Win-win!

5. Road House

If it weren't for the fact that Road House contains an utterly inexplicable bare-butt shot of Patrick Swayze, it would probably be the most testosterone-fuelled 80s action movie in the history of testosterone-fuelled 80s action movies. I just can't let that one slide though, and it's all the more baffling when the rest of the film features plenty of overbearing machismo, redneck punch-ups and demeaning of women. Peculiar nudity choices aside though, the film is a stripped-down action flick, with little in the way of spectacle or explosions, focusing instead on an evil tycoon threatening the livelihood of a small redneck town, and the bouncer with a heart of gold who sets about righting the town's wrongs. Most of which involves kicking the tar out of a bunch of drunken hicks in a downtrodden bar to the strains of Jeff Healey, natch. That's not to say the film is without its ludicrous excesses, among which highlights include a man's throat being ripped out with bare hands, monster truck rampages, death by stuffed bear (seriously, more films should include such novelty deathmongering, it's a real change of pace), and the wonderfully incongruous mid-fight quote "I used to fuck guys like you in prison". However, it's at its best when concentrating on the almost unbearable (to such an effete chap as myself, at least) sweaty manliness that drips from every pore of Swayze and partner in crime Sam Elliott, as they swagger through town and mop up loathsome Ben Gazzara's dirty henchmen one mullet at a time. There's the obligatory love interest too, not to mention the obligatory this-innocent-guy-died-now-I-must-avenge-him and head-honcho-henchman-with-thirst-for-hero's-blood, thus ensuring that all the clichés are ticked off as soon as possible so that the film can get on with letting the good times roll. And roll they do, my friends, roll they do.

4. The Killer

Arguably the most critically acclaimed action movie to ever emerge from the Far East, John Woo's setup here gets full points for off-the-wall absurdity - Chow Yun-Fat's titular, jazz-loving protagonist accidentally damages the eyesight of a club singer while carrying out his supposed final mission, and finds himself compelled to pay for a blindness-foiling corneal transplant operation... which, naturally, necessitates "one last kill". Hot on his heels, though, is Inspector Ying, who wouldn't you know it has been chasing our antihero for quite some time, and they both have to outwit Jong's former employers, who want him dead for blowing his cover. Jong remains fully driven, though, by the plight of his femme fatale. Now, if you haven't seen the movie, you're undoubtedly thinking that the plotline initially sounds quite saccharine. No truly manly assassin would be swayed into such compassion for an innocent, surely? Well, give it a few minutes, and you soon realize that you have yourself a film so unremittingly, brutally violent and rammed full of Woo's trademark volatile action scenes that you really don't have enough time to dwell on that amidst all the eyeballs being shot out and exploding churches. Not to mention the hilariously random freeze frames which are sure to elicit cheers from the portion of the audience that's consumed a few beers beforehand, and the 'Spy vs. Spy' dynamic that drives the movie's central relationship. A companion piece to Woo's own Hard Boiled for sure, equally brutal and testosterone driven and equally kick-ass as an action flick, the movie is so convincing in its depiction of the Hong Kong Triads that gang membership apparently rose significantly in the months following the film's release. How's that for a stamp of approval? It's of note, too, that 'The Killer' comes from a whole different world of action movies and isn't afraid to show the tragic side of such unrelenting carnage, with a surprisingly downbeat denouement. Make no mistake though - the focus is on the action, there's plenty of it, and it's enough of an adrenaline shot to last a lifetime.

3. First Blood

It's almost a misnomer to call First Blood an action movie in a sense, particularly when you compare it to the sheer carnage of John Rambo's subsequent screen outings. The action here is much more understated, and focuses a surprising amount on Rambo's disillusionment with the establishment and his hate/hate relationship with evil Brian Dennehy, who incidentally has never been more loathsome than he is here. That's not to say the film is devoid of action sequences though, just that it employs them in a more sparing fashion than most of our other films this week. The result is a film where the thrill of the chase plays just as big a role, as Rambo is pursued into the forests surrounding a village named Hope after being run out of town by Dennehy and his cohorts for the heinous crime of having no place to call his own. Well, that and Stallone's godawful hairstyle, which is certainly worthy of expulsion in my book. This dynamic serves to build up Rambo as the underdog, with few action heroes gaining quite as much sympathy as Sly does in First Blood, and of course that just makes it all the more cathartic when the guy dives off a cliff, lands in a tree, tourniquets his own arm then hurls a rock to knock out a henchman in the middle distance. Glorious stuff. While Rambo these days tends to be associated with nuclear body counts, gratuitous bloodshed and a particularly woebegotten bandana, it's important to learn our film history and remember that he started out with little more than the latter and a sense of true righteousness. As one of the most iconic action heroes of our time, Rambo may have had relatively inauspicious beginnings in terms of his violent capabilities, but that doesn't stop First Blood from being a firm classic of the genre.

2. Commando

Okay, I'll be the first to admit that on sober reflection, Commando doesn't exactly stand up as a great movie. Where its importance lies, though, is in typifying and glorifying every last cliché and excess of the 80s action movie scene. Arnie has rarely been this indestructible as John Matrix (see, even the character names are ridiculous), the titular commando forced out of his quiet country life when evil mercenaries kidnap his daughter. That's about all you need to know regarding the plot, as after that it's a simple case of destruction, dead bodies, obligatory sidekick, snarling villain, and one liner after one liner as Ahnuld carves a swathe of destruction through the movie. Commando plays everything tongue squarely in cheek, with Matrix single-handedly lifting cars off their wheels and tearing phone booths out of the ground with wild abandon. For all the pretenders to his crown, Arnie is the action king and no movie shows it better than this one, his talents with weaponry (particularly during the gloriously OTT climactic shootout) rivaled only by his capacity for quips (Commando containing no fewer than three of the man's greatest ever one-liners. Take your pick; for my money you can't beat his aerial dispatch of a man on a passenger jet - "Don't disturb my friend... he's dead tired"). The testosterone-fuelled nature of the flick can't help but have every male in the audience reveling in its cartoonish glee, and frankly I submit that if you don't enjoy this movie you should turn in your man card right away. While Commando certainly isn't a classic movie, it contains an example of pretty much every single thing the action genre did right during the 80s, and for that reason it scores the number two spot, because frankly I don't think any action movie will ever surpass our number one.

1. Die Hard

While Commando may be a great example of the 80s action movie world, nothing quite got it right like Die Hard did, a classic not just in terms of the action genre. Although no doubt most of you in this site's demographic are probably tired by now of hearing the films' praises sung every opportunity anyone gets, but frankly there's good reason the movie draws the plaudits it does. Every single note is struck to perfection as Bruce Willis' laconic everyman cop is caught up in the middle of a terrorist exercise in an LA high-rise. While I'd be more than happy to give a rundown of the scenes that stick out most in the mind and the reasons they work so well, I'd more than likely end up describing the vast majority of the film, and really, why read about Die Hard when you can go watch it. Well, I guess at least finish this column, then go watch it. From twinkie-munching Sgt. Powell (interesting point of trivia: I once used the pseudonym Reginald Veljohnson when signing up for membership of a gentleman's club. True story.) to the despicably slimy Hans Gruber, to "now I have a machine gun... ho... ho... ho", Die Hard is chock-full of moments of cinematic splendor that deserve to be chronicled as combining to make the all-time definitive action movie. Plus, it's even a great Christmas movie, so bear it in mind as the perfect antidote to the post-gorging slump on Christmas afternoon. An utter riot of a movie, if you've never seen Die Hard then quite frankly my dear, you aren't qualified to begin discussing action cinema. To paraphrase an old review I remember well, and which absolutely nails it, Die Hard is not only better than sex, it lasts 131 times as long.

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And finally…

Feeling aggrieved or elated at this week's ten picks? Then let me know! The magic of the interweb allows you to post your comments right here on this very page, and if they're especially insightful (or idiotic), I may even respond in the next column. Be sure to tune in next week for another edition of 'Ten Deep', but until then - keep watching the skies.