A Bloody Good Time 11.19.09: The Best Vampires and Werewolves in Horror

Posted by Joseph Lee on 11.19.2009

For those who want some alternatives to the pretend vampires and werewolves this weekend offers.

Logo courtesy of Benjamin J. Colón (Soul Exodus)

Welcome again to A Bloody Good Time.

There's no feedback this week, because only one person commented on my column. That's cool, I appreciate whatever I get and am just glad that anyone reads at all. But we have two lists this week, similar to my Top Horror Remakes column and so I'm going to get right to that and try my best to entertain you fine folks with some awesome horror lists.

Let me start out with this statement: I think Twilight is one of the worst things to happen to literature and film in modern times. More importantly, I think it's one of the worst things to happen to vampire fiction in the long history of horror. In fact I ranted on this very same thinglast year when the first movie about sparkly emo vampires with bad haircuts came out. At the time I was ranting on "sexy" vampires, but really there's nothing attractive about this group of the living retardead. I realize they have their audience, and their purpose is to cater to pre-teens and college-aged girls who really should be a little more mature. It's an excuse for wusses to see vampire movies (I use that word loosely here) without actually experiencing the fear that a film with a vampire should have.

But if that's not enough, this new one has it's own version of werewolves too. Well, it says they're werewolves but it's really just big wolves and nothing else. None of the typical rules about werewolve apply and apparently they can just change whenever they damn well please. The whole point of the werewolf myth is that it's a tortured soul, doomed to change at a full moon. But something like pathos or horror doesn't belong in the world of Twilight, no sir! We need pouty faces and vague understandings of "love", "story" and "acting".

But I'm not here to complain about the franchise, because it's here to stay regardless of whether the horror community wants it or not. It'll end eventually. What I am here to do is provide you with options. Assuming you're actually a fan of this dreck and have made it this far, I'm here to provide you with both vampires and werewolves that are a million times cooler and more awesome than anything you'll ever see in a Stephanie Meyer adaptation. This is a double list column, the top five vampires and the top five werewolves in horror's history. If one person that enjoyed Twilight reads this and discovers better films, I will have done my job. If not, then at least I had fun writing an entertaining column for all of the non-fans.

So let's start this thing out with the Five Best Werewolves in Horror. I thought of titling it "Werewolves cooler than that guy in New Moon, but that seemed a little too venom-filled. Not that the film doesn't deserve it.

The werewolf is a character that was created to explore the animal nature in us all. The stories in film revealed a reluctant monster, one who can kill indiscriminantly in wolf form, but will either remember everything and feel regret in human form...or find out eventually what he has been doing. The werewolf is either upright and a combination of wolf and man, or mostly wolf. It's always vicious and kills, never protecting anyone. Usually it's summoned by a full moon but sometimes it is just at night. The werewolf is never a type of change that can happen at will, at least not in the good adaptations. The way to kill one is usually a silver bullet, but it can change given the type of story.

Oh and spoilers are present, so be careful.



#5: Ginger from Ginger Snaps

The only lady on this list, Ginger is cool because she's played by Katharine Isabelle, who is very, very attractive. Of course she's only attractive in human form, unless giant female wolves are your thing (in which case you're kind of weird). The thing that sets Ginger apart is her story of metamorphisis is used as a allegory to another female issue that occurs monthly. She is closer to her sister than anyone else, almost so that the wolf version hesitates before attempting to kill her. Ginger in human form becomes sexier and more seductive as a result of her experience, and in wolf form is very vicious and animalistic. She rips people apart without a moment's notice and builds an impressive body count throughout the movie.

Ginger would die at the end of the film, but would remain in spirit for the second outing in which her sister is infected. The third would be a prequel with two ancestors of the girls and the Ginger of that time (the 1800's) is also infected. But why is Ginger a cool werewolf? Because being a werewolf makes her horny and sexy in human form. She craves sex almost as much as she does meat. She's very likely to jump you, get off and then kill you immediately after. It's the happiest and most painful death you'll ever have.



#4: David from An American Werewolf in London

David is a modern day Larry Talbot in that he doesn't want to be a werewolf yet he's cursed to kill on a full moon. The film begins with David backpacking with his friend Jack when the two are attacked by a wolf. It kills Jack and mutliates David. After an extensive stay in a hospital (with some really weird dreams), David is released and prepares for a trip home. But before he can do that he gets a visit from Jack. Jack tells him that if he doesn't kill himself, he's going to kill an innocent person at the next full moon. What's worse...David will see those he kills as ghostly hallucinations as long as he's a werewolf. The souls can not move on until David is dead, and they'll pester him until he offs himself or is killed by another.

David is cool because he's the unwilling protaganist in a horror-comedy. An American Werewolf in London is serious where it needs to be, but there is some very dark humor that is exploited through David's dreams and his ghostly visits. I've never been sure why, but the fact that Jack is pretty much a skeleton by the time he last sees David is funny to me. Yes it's torture for the souls that are killed, but they all act mostly nonchalant and pissed off about the fact they're dead, not sad and depressed like you would think. David also undergoes possibly the most painful werewolf transformation on film. It actually looks and feels as though the man is suffering as his body goes from human to canine. It's certainly one of the best (but in my opinion, not the best) werewolf transformations ever.





#3: The werewolves in Dog Soldiers

The group of werewolves in Dog Soldiers make this list because of their number and their look. They can be both upright and on all fours, and unlike most werewolf movies they roam in packs. These werewolves, while not capable of changing at will, do seem to have enough control to surpress their transformations for a limited amount of time. This seems to help them in being more cunning creatures, as they can trick humans into trusting them in addition to hunting down people and slaughtering them. They have some tough competition, in the form of a military squad that buckles down in an old house and fights them off. Most of them fail but a few do manage to succeed. But what kind of military training can prepare you for a pack of werewolves?

In this movie it takes two different viewpoints regarding being a werewolf. One is a man who is willing to sacrifice his own life, not only to kill a group of the werewolves but also in order to prevent himself from becoming one. There is a woman who falls within that viewpoint but it seems that she does what she does anyway, even with regret. Finally there is Captain Ryan, who not only accepts what he is about to become, but relishes the opportunity to do so and kill the people in this group that he hates. These werewolves are cool because they seem to retain some intelligence and are not just random beasts giving into their urges. These werewolves hold grudges, commit murder (as opposed to kill for food) and set traps. You wouldn't think they'd need to, but they do.



#2: Eddie Quist in The Howling

When Karen White tracked down Eddie Quist, she thought she was going to be apart of a sting operation for a run-of-the-mill serial killer. Unfortunately she sees something more beast-like before Quist is shot dead by police. She blacks out the entire experience, going to The Colony in order to get back her memories. Along the way she learns some very disturbing things about Mr. Quist, mainly that he is a werewolf. She also learns that the entire Colony is this way, and they're looking forward to either recruiting her or eating her. While Karen is played by Dee Wallace and it's great, Eddie Quist is the real star of the show.

Quist may have been a reluctant werewolf at some point, but now he is very accepting of his condition and even loves it. This isn't because he enjoys being a wolf or having fur, but because he likes killing people. Werewolf or not, Eddie Quist is a serial killer. It just so happens that he uses his advanced strength, teeth and claws in order to do the killing. He takes pleasure in the transformation, even if it looks very painful (his face bubbles!). He likes turning because he knows that he will be able to kill again and never get caught for it. How do you investigate a werewolf? The only reason police knew about him before was because he called Karen, and now they think he is dead. He's a true villain of a werewolf, one that is pure evil.





#1: Larry Talbot in The Wolf Man

In this case, the classic is the best. Lon Chaney, Jr played Larry Talbot in The Wolf Man, a man who became the standard for what a werewolf was. He is cursed by this affliction. He doesn't want to be what he is and he feels remorse for his crimes every single time. He wants to die but can't kill himself (and in subsequent sequels was trying to find some sort of cure). He's a danger to all those around him during the month of a full moon, because he'll change and kill regardless of who they are. Larry is a confused man, and a very depressed one who provides the film with a sense of drama and sadness. You are scared of the monster, but sad for the man.

The monster, by the way, is a strange combination of man and beast. It's covered in fur, but always walks upright. It has claws and teeth, but only uses them sometimes. Sometimes it's just as likely to choke someone than bite or gore them. It really is a half and half combination of both elements, which is something that strangely isn't used that often. The werewolves you see in film are mostly wolf than half. This one has partial appearance but full mind. It does nothing but kill. Although, you never hear anything in the film about The Wolf Man eating his victims. So it doesn't seem to kill for food, just for the sake of killing.

Now that we've got the werewolves out of the way, let's move straight into the Five Best Vampires in Horror. I think vampires need no introduction but here goes. They're creatures of the night, and the keyword there is night. You never see these guys (and girls) in the day time and if you do it's a serious bastardization of the mythology. The only exception is Blade, because he's half-human. The reason for this is that sunlight is fatal. A stake through the heart is also fatal. Crosses and holy water only work if you believe in God and garlic rarely works. I think this bears repeating, but vampires do not sparkle. Ever.



#5: The Reapers in Blade II

Damn the Reapers are cool. They're a genetic mutation of the standard vampire. They have all of the strengths of a vampire, but very few of their weaknesses (in fact, the only thing that can hurt them is sunlight). A stake through the heart would kill the Reapers, but that would be a hard thing to do since their hearts are encased in bone. Yes. They have a bone covering of their hearts. The first Reaper is Jared Nomak, who plans on killing all of the vampires and taking their places. He feels a kinship with Blade because they are both outsiders in two different worlds. Blade just sees him as another vampire that he needs to wipe out. The reapers were geneticaly created to be daywalking vampires, but obviously that didn't go well. The vampires hired Blade in order to kill the Reapers and then they would kill him, and use his DNA to perfect the formula.

Another reason I like the Reapers is because they are really, really ugly. They're very Count Orlok-like in appearance, but also have blue veins all over their skin. Then there is the mouth thing. They are able to open flaps on their mouth revealing new sets of teeth which they use to drain a lot of blood in a large amoount of time. They also constantly suffer, as the Reaper virus gives them a constant burning sensation, which only is briefly satiated with feeding. They feed on both vampires and humans, making them a threat to everyone. The Reapers make the list because they're a type of vampire even most vampires fear and the best thing about the Blade series. Yes, even cooler than Wesley Snipes.



#4: Jerry Dandridge in Fright Night

Jerry Dandridge has been around for a long time, or so we are led to believe in the course of Fright Night. Even if he is a newer vampire, he certainly doesn't act like it. He moves and acts like he's been in these situations a million times, and nothing is new to him. Even the fact that he is discovered for what he is seems to be something that has happened to him before, and he hardly ever loses his cool. He's never been faced with a situation that wasn't completely under his control and when the stuff finally does hit the fan, he still seems to have a backup plan. It's not his fault, how could he expect a washed-up actor and a kid to be the ones that finally foil his plans and kill him? It's preposterous, I tell you! He has a henchman and lackeys and everything!

Jerry makes the list for three reasons: his intelligence, his normal disguise and his vampiric look. We've already talked about his intelligence. As I said, he's been doing this for years, probably decades. He knew exactly what to do and how to do it when he was discovered and had a solution for just about everything. In his human form, he can be very charming and witty, and trick even the smartest of people into thinking he's on their side. He can also be seductive, as he proves by taking Amy back to his place for some sucking...bloodsucking, that is. All in an attempt to make her his lackey and kill the nuisance he has bothering him. In his vampiric form...wow. It's looks like an old man with bat-like qualities. He has long fingernails, giant fangs and he can turn into a giant monster bat. It's not pretty.



#3: Severen in Near Dark

I could just include the entire family of nomads from this film, but I like Bill Paxton's Severen the most so he is the one that gets included. The entire family roams around the country, feeding on innocents in the dead of night. They have no special abilities and in terms of the Near Dark universe, it seems a simple blood transfusion is all it takes to cure them. They rarely take in any new people, and are more likely to kill you than turn you. The only reason they keep Caleb alive is because Mae loves him. There is Lance Henriksen, his wife, a little kid (well he has the appearance of a little kid and the mind of an old man), Mae and of course, Severen.

Why do I like Severen the best? Because he's psychotic. He kills because he needs the food, but he does more than that. He tortures his victims, physically and psychologically. He has fun killing and like Eddie Quist, he enjoys being a vampire. He would probably go on his own if not for some unspoken loyalty between himself and Diamondback. The scene in the bar and the final battle with Caleb are both great moments of horror and also very, very cool. Bill Paxton plays insane like nobody else and in this film he absolutely shines. It's definitely one of his best performances. Severen is the vampire you love to hate. He's cool yes psychotic and definitely dangerous.



#2: Dracula

Oh ho! You thought the most iconic vampire was going to be #1, didn't you? Not so, my friends. Don't get me wrong, Dracula is definitely the most influential of the group, but in my opinion, he's not the scariest and that is why he's only #2. Like Jerry Dandridge, Dracula has been on top of his game for a long time. He's the world's oldest living vampire and kills people indiscriminately for food, sometimes turning women to be his brides. Dracula has needs, too. On even rarer occasions he will turn a man to be his lackey as in the case of Renfield. Dracula is the go-to vampire for most horror films, as he was the first and probably the strongest. He isn't as cocky as Dandridge, and takes every precaution to make sure he is not thwarted. It's unfortunately when he decides to move away from the desolate Transylvania that he eventually meets his end.

Dracula in the novel wasn't sexy or seductive at all, but that changed when the role was placed on film. Say what you will about him, but women did find Bela Lugosi attractive. Dracula has the ability to stare down his prey and make them obey him, especially the weak-willed. He can change into a bat, a wolf or even mist if he chooses too. Garlic actually does seem to bother him, as it can be used to keep him away from a given area. The conventional methods work on him too. They're convential, in fact, because they were used here first. Other vampire films try to tweak the methods in order to suit the story, but if you want true vampire canon, you should always look to Bram Stoker's creation. He can seduce his victims or take them by force, but he's certainly a monster to be reckoned with.



#1: Count Orlok in Nosferatu

Yes, I have to go with Count Orlok over Dracula. Not only does Orlok more closely resemble Stoker's version of Dracula, but he's also the first incarnation of the character. Everyone knows the story by now of how the film came to be titled Nosferatu and it's main character renamed. The film was to be made by the Stoker estate didn't want to give away the rights. So the names of the characters and the title of the film were changed, giving us what has endured today as a horror masterpiece. Nosferatu may be a silent film, but that doesn't mean it's impact is in any way weakened. Count Orlok is a scary looking guy, from the way his shadows appear to grow on the walls, to his predatory stances as he enters a room. He just gives you the creeps, which is what a vampire should do.

Count Orlok's appearance is rarely imitated, which is weird because of how unsettling it is. He's bald with big pointed ears. He has jagged teeth that even stickout of his mouth. He has sunken-in eyes and a larger than normal head. His hands are twice the length of normal hands and he has really long, sharp fingernails on the ends. He has a tall, lanky body that he uses to creep up on people and take the blood he needs to live. Orlok's story may have originally been Dracula's, but in my opinion he is the superior vampire.

That's it for this week. If you haven't seen any of the films mentioned on this list, go and track them down. It'll be well worth the time and effort, I promise you. Next week I'm going to bring back a favorie here for your fans. The dumbest moments series returns as we take a look at the dumbest moments in Hellraiser history. Pinhead gets his turn to be roasted like all of the other horror icons. See you then.