The 411 Movies Top 5 11.20.09: Week 192 - The Top 5 Talk Show Hosts We Want to See

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 11.20.2009

At the rate things are going, it seems like soon everybody will have their own talk show. With that in mind, the 411 staff has decided to offer their suggestions on who should get their own show next.



It's not that I'm actually calling for more talk shows. But with Jay Leno's 10pm show, and now Wanda Sykes and George Lopez also entering the fray, it seems like nowadays you just can't get away from talk shows. If TV executives are so set on inundating us with these things, the least they could do is give us some better options than…well, Jay Leno and George Lopez. That's why I invited my fellow 411 writers to join me in sharing:

THE TOP 5 TALK SHOW HOSTS WE WANT TO SEE

TREVOR SNYDER

5. Brad Garrett

Back in 2003, when David Letterman was forced to vacate the Late Show for a time due to a severe case of shingles, the show brought in a number of guest hosts to fill the seat. Quite a few of them did very good jobs (like Vince Vaughn and Bonnie Hunt), but I remember the one who surprised me the most was Brad Garrett. Not being a big Everybody Loves Raymond fan, I wasn't necessarily a Garrett fan, so I guess I just didn't expect much from him. But the guy was an absolutely killer talk show host. He was witty, quick on his feet, and managed to be both conversational and hilarious during the interview segments. At the time I thought for sure this would lead to more people talking about Garrett possibly getting a gig like this once Raymond was done, but instead he just went to another sitcom. It's too bad. As far as I can tell, there are two jobs Garrett is perfectly suited for. And since I don't see the Munsters movie anywhere on the horizon, I really think he should look into the hosting world.

4.Eli Roth

Now, I never said what kind of talk shows we're looking for here. Personally, I would love to have a horror-themed talk show on the air, maybe on a channel like SyFy or Chiller. This wouldn't need to be a nightly show or anything – if you try to fill five nights a week with guests only from the horror genre, you might start hitting some problems. But a weekly show would be fine, and I think Roth would make a great host. I know a certain contingent of horror fans love to hate on the guy, but the sort of overexposure they accuse him of is actually one of the main reasons I'm choosing him. Time and time again he has gladly put himself out there as a spokesman for the genre, and it's clear that he knows his stuff. The guy is a walking encyclopedia of the genre, and he's pretty funny, to boot. Plus, with the recent success of Inglourious Basterds, he is even more recognizable to the mainstream now. I would definitely be down for a Charlie Rose type show with Roth having in-depth conversations with different legends of the genre.

3.Mick Foley

Well, the guy can't keep wrestling forever, right? Just like Roth is a horror guy with some mainstream recognition, Foley is one of the wrestlers who are a little more known to non-wrestling fans. The difference is, I'm not suggesting that Foley host a wrestling-themed talk show. No, I actually think he's got the talent to just have a traditional talk show, covering all of entertainment. Given that I like the guy, I'd certainly rather see him sitting behind a desk talking to people every night instead of still taking dangerous bumps. The question I have, though, is would he host the show in a suit, or in one of his trademark flannel shirts?

2. Kevin Pereira

I'm sure most red-blooded males will tell you they watch Attack of the Show for Olivia Munn, and I'm certainly not gonna lie and say that has nothing to do with it for me, either. But as hot and funny as Munn is, I think Pereira is the show's true MVP, as his quick wit is the glue that holds their segments together. To me, he is far less replaceable on that show than Munn is (heck, I personally prefer it when Alison Haislip fills in for Munn – she seems to have a better chemistry with Pereira). I don't know if Pereira has his mind on pursuing bigger and better things later on, but Attack of the Show, as much as I like it, doesn't seem like a show that will run for years and years on end. At a certain point it will probably come to a close, and I think Pereira might be a good choice for the sort of 12:35 time slot that guys like Craig Ferguson and Jimmy Fallon currently occupy.

1.Christopher Walken

I think I've mentioned this in previous Top 5's, but I once heard that Walken had wanted to do a live cooking show where he would both prepare dishes and give relationship advice to callers. There is perhaps no sadder statement on humanity than the fact that this show never happened. But, OK, if we can't get than one, why not just a talk show? I mean, think about it – don't you try to make it a point to catch every one of Walken's talk show appearances? Now imagine if he had his own, every night. It would almost certainly be the weirdest talk show around….and possibly also the best.

MIKE GORMAN

5. Kathy Griffin

Ok, I know I am going to get murdered on this one but she cracks me up especially when she goes after celebrities. I would love to see her do a Larry King-style show where she gets to go one on one with some of her targets. Would anyone be brave enough to actually sit down across from her at the table? I don't know. The resulting Hollywood feuds could be epic... or at least good TV.

4. Paula Abdul

The poor woman is out of work and I can sympathize. Let's get her hopped up on pills and propped up behind the desk of a late night show. This one would have train wreck written all over it, and what makes for better viewing, really? It would be fun to see guest after guest get confused when she starts rambling and then become terrified when her eyes start to role into the back of her head.

3. Seth McFarlane

I think one of the most important things a talk show host needs is a big ego and if his comedy special is any indication than we can be certain that McFarlane's is enormous. His show would be full of in jokes and self referential humor that no one would really find funny but still his ratings would soar because it is hip to love him regardless of what he does. The show would definitely not be full of nicey nicey kiss ass interviews and politically correct skits. He'd push the envelope whether we'd like it or not.

2. Joss Whedon

Whedon is one of the most loyal creators in all of Hollywood to both his casts and fans. He'd have an instant guest list ready to support him and his endeavors. And as much as I find him interesting and think it would be great to let him explore the world of talk TV, my true reasoning for placing him on this list is the inevitable Buffy the Vampire Slayer reunion that this show would bring together. That alone would be worth the production costs in my mind.

1. John Goodman

From what I have seen, no one parties like John Goodman parties and no one would be more likeable. I think that he could definitely capture the old school "in crowd" vibe that used to permeate the Johnny Carson era of the Tonight Show. Besides, he does not seem to be getting a lot of work lately and who deserves another chance more than someone who sucked at Roseanne's teat for all those years. Set the show in his native New Orleans and bring in a drunken rowdy crowd every night. I think this would be TV gold.

LEN ARCHIBALD

5. Samuel L Jackson:

Just to see him go on a profanity-laced tirade in his opening monologue. He could do a secret game of "Who can I get to say ‘muthafukka'?" and try to tempt such goodie-goodies as Taylor Swift and Miley Cyrus to break out of their super squeaky-clean image. God, his show would only be on HBO or Showtime, but it would be BRILLIANT

4. Neil Patrick Harris:

NPH doing talk. Need I say more?

3. Tim Gunn:

No, seriously. The man oozes personality and has a likeability factor beneath the taylor-made suits he shows off as co-host of Project Runway. I think having an openly gay male talk-show host will bring in a particular demographic (Ellen Degeneres does HUGE numbers – in fact, she's almost as big as Oprah) and I feel that his sophisticated manner would bring a different dynamic to late night/late afternoon. Hell, have him host a big extravaganza show the day after a major awards ceremony and have him go to town on the "un-fashionable" – people LOVE that shit.

2. Alec Baldwin:

C'mon…you wanna see this. Alec Baldwin just has that "it" factor that translates well into – anything. He's funny as hell, abrasive when he needs to be, shows that he's willing to take a back seat to someone else (most of the time) and just has that intangible that commands people's attention. I actually think this isn't too far from the realm of possibility after 30 Rock eventually ends its run.

1. Dave Chappelle:

Dammit, this man needs to be back on my television with new material – NOW! Do it, Comedy Central – offer him $100 million and make sure he gets FULL CREATIVE CONTROL. That means, no one he doesn't want to write for the show, writes for the show. No smarmy execs telling him "what's funny". And no one egging him on about infusing more "race-based" humor into the show. The man is funny, with or without that kind of humor. Let the man be himself, let him interview some celebs, let him do some wacky skits with celebs, and just watch the $$$ roll in.

TODD VOTE

5.Bruce Campbell

I have a goal to include Bruce Campbell everytime I participate in the Movie Zone Top 5, starting now. Just so happens that he actually would make my list of top 5 talk show hosts I want to see. Anybody who has read either one of his books should know how interesting Campbell could be. Plus with his status as the king of B-movies, he could interview A-list celebs from a different perspective.

4.The late Chris Farley

How awesome would it have been to see Farley's SNL interview sketches turned into a full fledged half hour late show? The way Farley acted star struck no matter who was on his skit would have been all sorts of funny. I understand the criteria is celebrities we want to see, but who can deny the appeal this would have had?

3.Seth McFarlane

I agree with Mike's assessment of McFarlane to an extent. I do happen to find him funny though, and I get the feeling Mike doesn't. But the rest of what he said is spot on. Might as well make it a weekly show and give Sunday nights on Fox to McFarlane completely.

2. Jackie Chan

Train-wreck city baby. Nobody would be able to understand the words coming out of his mouth. Hilarity would ensue.

1.Kevin Smith

Of course this late night talk show would have to be featured on one of the gazillion premium channels available for it to have its full effect. I've recently caught up on Kevin's Evening series, and I got to say while he may not be spot on funny all the time, the man has a way of telling a story that will keep you interested. Also judging from the Evening series, Kevin wouldn't shy away from calling his guests out if he feels their recent efforts haven't been up to snuff. I think it would make for a very interesting premise.

JOSEPH LEE

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Not Jay Leno - No joke or anything here, I just really want him to go away.

5. Tom Green

Yeah I know I'm in the minority, but I liked Tom Green's first attempt at a late-night talk show. The segment "Where will Glenn sleep tonight" was funny stuff. He already has a call-in show to the same effect. I'd rather watch him than George Lopez and Wanda Sykes.

4.Kevin Smith

Going to have to agree with Todd and say Smith would be a great choice to have a late-night talk show on HBO or Showtime. His "Evening With" specials are usually really funny and even if they are not, they're entertaining. He could have Jason Mewes be his very own Ed McMahon. He could have recurring skits featuring the Askewniverse characters. He knows a lot of people in Hollywood so he wouldn't have any problems getting friends to come on as guests. It would be a good idea.

3.Jeff Goldblum

Jeff Goldblum likes to talk, and he's funny in his own weird way. His monologues may go on forever but they'd be entertaining, interesting and amusing. I don't want to say he's not doing anything these days but I think he's freed up a little more than he was when he was somewhat big in the 90's.

2. Space Ghost

I know it's been done...but I want a return of Space Ghost: Coast to Coast. It was a great, bizarre show that was Adult Swim before that block was even thought up. He actually managed to get some good guests on there and while not everyone was in on the joke, it was usually very funny. Or if you want to do something new, give it over to Brak after his show was canceled to my own personal dismay.

1.Dave Chappelle

Cannot agree more. Anything that gets Mr. Chappelle back on television is a good thing and he didn't do such a bad job when he was interviewing James Lipton that one time! He could have skits that he writes in between the guests and if you go by his stand-up, his monologues would be really funny. Can you imagine what Dave has to say about current events these days? The man is hilarious and it's a shame we don't see him anymore.

STEVE GUSTAFSON

HONORABLE MENTIONS: Mr. T, ALF, Stephen Hawking

5. Alfonso Ribeiro:

Oh where oh where has Alfonso gone? Oh where or where can he be? The time is RIPE for a Alfonso comeback and a talk show is the perfect way to reintroduce this actor, singer and dancer to the masses. He is best known for his roles as Carlton Banks on the sitcom The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air and Alfonso Spears on the series Silver Spoons. He was Wayne Brady before Wayne Brady!

4. Yakov Smirnoff:

Man, it's like my brain went to the 80s and just stopped with this list. Anyways, you probably don't know who he is. But that's OK. He was popular in the 1980s for making jokes about the contrast in lifestyles under the Communist regime in the Soviet Union and with life in the United States. So why's he getting a shot at a talk show? Why not? Back in the day, this dude was hi-lar-i-ous. And with political humor being all the rage these days, I'm surprised this hasn't been pitched before. I'd even have him do his same shtick. "In America, you can always find a party. In Russia, the Party finds you." America: What a country!

3. Max Headroom:

I was just telling someone the other day that I wouldn't mind having a robot talk show host. I mean, it's 2009! The time has come for us to get off our high horses! And what better way than bringing back an old fri...fri...fri...friend? M...M...Max Headroom! Who is this cat? Why, he's just a British artificial intelligence, known for his witty, stuttering, distorted, and electronically sampled voice. I know what you're thinking, "Oh man, Gustafson has lost it! Always joking!" Whatever. We all talk about something different and creative and nothing says that better than a robotic dude in a TV hosting a talk show ON TV! Tell me you wouldn't watch that! And if you don't know who Max is, go check out 20 Minutes into the Future. Catch the wave!

2. Pee Wee Herman:

The mere thought of Paul Reubens doing a talk show as Pee Wee Herman gives me the jimmy shakes. If you think Pee Wee is just for kids, think again. Pick up the HBO special he did before he got big. That's the steez I'm going for. While most think of Pee Wee's Big Adventure, you miss out the Reubens is one creative dude. A former Groundling (or is that Groundling FOR LIFE?), he has several projects that always seem to be in limbo because his ideas don't fall into the neat and tidy box most exec's want to stuff pitches in. Put this man in a show and get him back out where we can enjoy him. Everyday Pee Wee doesn't have a show is a day wasted.

1. The Iron Sheik:

Is there any shock that Sheik is my number one? I mean, how many lists has he appeared on of mine? But let this one stew a minute. Imagine if ABC said, "Screw it, let's just throw the Iron Sheik a show and see where it goes?" The set, the band, guests...all those don't matter. Once he wobbles on stage, it's SHOWTIME! I attempted to give a little taste of what his opening monologue would be but after the first couple of sentences, the profanity was too much, even for me. Just know that I would pay just to have ONE EPISODE of this show on network television. OH! His sidekick would be Charo.

Be sure to share your own thoughts on both our lists and who you would like to see host a talk show in the comments board below. Till next time, have a great week.

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