411 Fact or Fiction Movies/TV 11.20.09: Week 204

Posted by Ben Piper on 11.20.2009

Will New Moon be worse than Twilight? Is it too early to declare Precious an Oscar front-runner? Should The Exorcist be remade into a mini-series? 411's Len Archibald and Will Helm debate these and other topics in week 204 of 411 Fact or Fiction: Movies/TV!



Hey there! Welcome back once again to the always enthralling Fact or Fiction! This week, Will Helm and Len Archibald debate topics of the day. Let's let them get to it…



1. New Moon will be even worse than Twilight.

Len Archibald: Fiction. Can I level with you? I couldn't get through Twilight. Sorry. I tried, I really tried. I got it and watched a third of it, and went to do dishes. I tried a second time and was interrupted by...uh..."husband duties". I got about halfway through at one point, but just got bored and never finished. I am usually pretty good about completing a movie I've started to watch - hell, I got through Caligula and Salo unscathed - but Twilight as a story commits the worse possible crime: It bores me. I'm not gonna cheat you guys and say FACT as that would be a lie. I'm sure New Moon will have all the "faster, better, stronger...WE HAVE THE TECHNOLOGY!" makings of a sequel, so - yah.

Will Helm: Fiction. Shocking, I know, but I did see Twilight so I know what I'm talking about. Do I think that New Moon is going to be good? Not really, but it should be better than its predecessor. Twilight was goofy and awkward and really pretentious without much of a plot other than "OMG Bella <3's Edward." New Moon, however, seems to have at least a little bit of conflict and such, with the various groups of vampires and the introduction of the Native American werewolves. Some semblance of a half-way interesting plot should make it better than Twilight, at least . . . but that's not saying much.

Score:1 for 1

2. Even with Anna Faris, Justin Timberlake, and Dan Aykroyd on board, you can't behind a live action/CGI Yogi Bear movie being made.

Len Archibald: Fact. Anna Faris, Justin Timberlake and Dan Aykroyd wouldn't get me much excited for anything, much less a CGI version of Yogi Bear. As much as I LOVE Aykroyd (CANADA!), I can't possibly see this turning out anything less than a big stinky bomb. Anna Faris impressed me in two movies (Scary Movie and Lost in Translation) and even though Timberlake has shown he has some good comic timing in skits and some legit dramatic chops (he has an underrated performances in Alpha Dog and Black Snake Moan) I...just...don't see this turning out any good. Ugh, I just had a Garfield flashback linking Anna Faris to Lost in Translation and thinking about Bill Murray. I can see Dan Aykroyd in Zombieland 2 regretting his decision already.

Will Helm: Fiction. I can get behind this. I know I sound crazy, but it's true. Why? Well, I looked up just who the cast members are portraying and, supposedly, Dan Aykroyd is Yogi and Timberlake is Boo Boo. For some reason, that's just so bizarre and nonsensical that I have to support it. The nice part about the off-kilter casting is that if the movie is a success, that's great, but if it's a failure, that's even better because it'll go down in entertaining flames.

Score: 1 for 2

3. It's too early for Precious to be labeled an Oscar front runner.

Len Archibald: Fiction. Unforgiven was released Aug 7, 1992. Forrest Gump was released July 6, 1994. Gladiator was released May 5th, 2000. In my mind, the current front-runner for Best Picture, The Hurt Locker was released June 26th of this year. See where I'm going with this? There has been some misguided mindset that the "Oscar Bait" films are released from September - Early January, which is complete and utter BS. Actually, Precious has the fortune of being released this LATE in the game so it will still be in the minds of the voting bloc when the time comes. It doesn't matter to me either way, though - a film doesn't need Oscar to be considered a great movie - if it's great, it's great, regardless of how much hardware it gets. Citizen Kane is almost universally hailed as the greatest movie ever made and it won...One statue. For the screenplay.

Will Helm: Fiction. It's never too early to be labeled as an Oscar front runner, honestly. There's been times when critics will even call movies that haven't even been released Oscar front runners, despite not seeing the finished product, so calling Precious a front runner isn't a big deal. The real question is: Is that label deserved? So far, between the box-office success and critical adoration, Precious is certainly, at the very least, a contender for Best Picture, if even a front runner. Of course, a lot can change between now and March, so what happens remains to be seen.

Score: 2 for 3

Switch!!!



4. Planet 51 will be an entertaining kids movie that the parents will enjoy as well.

Will Helm: Fiction. Maybe it's just me, but Planet 51 seems entertaining, but weird. First, Dwayne Johnson doesn't even sound like Dwayne Johnson in the bits I've heard; I don't even mean in the sense of "the Rock" voice, I mean he doesn't even sound like himself. As well, the plot seems convoluted for kids but yet simplistic and sophomoric for adults, which limits the amount of people who will truly enjoy and appreciate it. It probably won't be terrible, but it appears as though it lacks the charm that makes films of this type a success.

Len Archibald: Fact. "The parents" don't necessarily mean me. I'm not a parent, and as much as I have a crazy man-crush on The Rock, I have to agree with Will - I didn't even *know* it was him. He just didn't sound...like him. Anyways, back to Planet 51. There are kids who enjoy ANYTHING animated, and there are parents who enjoy ANYTHING their kids enjoy. Animation has become big business this decade, almost to the point where nearly anything that doesn't involve live-action is a guaranteed success (except Ponyo - bastards.) I'm sure there will be "moments" where the animation and the story and the writing will come together to provide entertainment, and all it takes in our day and age is one or two moments for a certain segment of the movie-going audience to hail any film as "great" - even if it is not. That was quite a douchey snobbish rant I went on there. Nice.

Score: 2 for 4

5. The Exorcist should not be remade into a TV mini-series, even if original director William Friedken is at the helm.

Will Helm: Fact. I'm not opposed to a remake of The Exorcist or even a made-for-TV remake of The Exorcist. Call me a loon or whathaveyou, but it's always interesting to see someone else's take on any story; unfortunately most remakes have been horrible anymore, souring audiences to the idea. The reason I would oppose this remake is hinted at in the last sentence: it's William Friedken behind it. We've already seen his vision for The Exorcist and I can't imagine him doing it any better than he did thirty-five years ago. Let someone else have a crack at it; don't retread old material.

Len Archibald: Fact. Stage plays can be done over and over again, because there is an atmosphere involved that lends to it. Film and television does not translate remakes very well. Most know I'm against most remakes on principle, but even more so if it is something that is penultimate. Halloween didn't need to be remade. It is PERFECT in form, story, atmosphere, tension and characterization in John Carpenter's 1978 vision. It hasn't dated. The Exorcist is perfect as is in its self-contained vision - and that, more than anything is what is holding back this particular story from working on television: William Peter Blatty's book is a self-contained story where the scope of the story is more based on the internalization of the characters. Most of it takes place in a bedroom. Can you imagine holding the audience's attention for 4 or 6 hours where the majority of the action takes place on one static set? Not in our ADHD world. The reason why Friedkin's original vision worked was because of a lot of intangible factors: Max Von Sydow coming full circle from all his religious films with Ingmar Bergman, Ellen Burstyn going through absolute torture on-set (being thrown 4 feet twice on a brace), Linda Blair's fearless understanding that she was just "pretending" and not "being" Evil Incarnate, Friedkin slapping the taste out of Father William O'Malley (as Father Joe Dyer) before a take so he can tremble while giving Last Rites - sorry for the rant, but there needs to be a true literal explanation as to why most remakes don't work.

Score: 3 for 5

6. The Blind Side will prove to be a feel good sports movie hit once it moves onto DVD, but not so much at the box office.

Will Helm: Fiction. I do have to admit that my first inclination is that The Blind Side isn't a "sports movie," but a "Sandra Bullock saves the world movie," but that's neither here nor there. I do certainly feel that The Blind Side, whether good or bad, won't bring in impressive revenue at the box office; it doesn't help that the slightly similar Precious is out at the same time. However, I don't think it will do terribly well on DVD either. From what I've seen in the trailers -- though this may not be so in the actual film, the sports action appears exaggerated and hokey, not believable or dramatic like other feel-good sports movies. In addition, the sports element seems secondary to the plot. To be honest, the story of Michael Oher is more appropriate for a documentary or even an HBO Sports special, not a saccharine drama.

Len Archibald: Fact. I think that The Blind Side has the "potential" to be a little better than most "generous down-to-earth white person gives out of the goodness of their hearts to struggling black urban youth to better themselves" films that have been made over the past few years (can you tell I'm not a fan of those types of films?) I agree with Will that this isn't a "sports" movie per se, but more of an inspirational tear-jerker. Anyways, once Precious hits nationwide, with the amount of unanimous positive buzz it's getting (and having the power of OPRAH behind it; don't doubt her power, without her, there wouldn't be OBAMA) it's basically gonna CRUSH everything in its path. The Blind Side better watch its...uh...blind-side. Terrible pun.

Final Score: 3 for 6

Bonus Non Fact or Fiction Question: What is your least favorite movie franchise? (And spoof movies don't count and aren't allowed as an answer)

Will Helm: I have to answer this question and not bash Friedberg and Seltzer? That's almost impossible! But, if I must, I suppose I have to name the -- thankfully defunct -- Superman franchise as my least favorite. Though I have yet to see Superman Returns -- and I have little desire to do so, I have seen the other four and, of the four, only ONE is good. A batting average of .250 might not be terrible in baseball, but it's murder in movies. I know that it's accepted that Superman 2 is the tops of the franchise and I do agree. The other movies suffer from horrible flaws, however, degrading the franchise in my eyes: the first has the goofy "turn the Earth backwards" ending; the third is great in concept -- Evil Superman, terrible in execution -- merely Irritable Stubble Superman; and the fourth is comically woeful, an utter mess from beginning to end. Superman may be an iconic American character and have had more than a few great television adaptations, but his movies are like kryptonite to me.

Len Archibald: Police Academy. Sorry, apart from the juvenile antics from the first film that felt new at the time, it just became a matter of "wash, rinse, repeat". One funny movie out of eight isn't just a terrible track record - it's sorry and painful. Thank god that Mission to Moscow put the franchise out of its misery (at least, until the next lack of right-side minded idiot exec decides to green-light a reboot.)

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And there you have it. Len and Will split the difference this week. Thanks to them both for taking part. Check back next week for more thrilling Fact or Fiction action!
-BP

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