TV Rants and Raves: 11.25.09

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 11.25.2009

Rants and Raves about the lack of Thanksgiving TV specials, Oprah leaving in 2011, Kim Raver on “Grey’s Anatomy,” “World’s Strictest Parents,” flashlight use on “CSI,” movies on USA, and more, plus People I’m Tired Of, two more Strange Thoughts, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned, and more!

TV Rants and Raves Issue #20: In this issue I Rant and Rave about Oprah leaving in 2011, Kim Raver on "Grey's Anatomy," "World's Strictest Parents," the lack of Thanksgiving TV specials, flashlight use on "CSI," movies on USA, and more, plus People I'm Tired Of, two more Strange Thoughts, a new Douchebag of the Week is crowned, and more!


Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that has a plan to take over the world, just no ambition to do it (and, really, who has the time for that kind of commitment?), TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.



Before I get into this issue's main hooha, I have one quick question for you technical people out there: do recordings of HD programs take up more space on a DVR box than recordings of regular programs? It may just be my imagination but it appears as though I can't record as many programs as I used to, before HD. Is it just my imagination, or do HD programs take up more space?

Yeah, I know, in this day and age, someone like me, a world famous writer on the internets (ha!) should know this stuff already. I'm behind the times, I know. I'm still using a VCR to record some shows and movies and whatnot. It's all very sad, I know.

And now, onto the main part of the column:

TV Rants and Raves



-Big news: Oprah is ending her show in 2011: So the rumors turned out to be true and Oprah Winfrey, the queen of daytime television, will end her mega successful talk show in its 25th season, which will happen in 2011. Speculation abounds as to who will taker her place as the number one talk show in daytime. Will it be Dr. Phil or Rachel Ray? Will it be Ellen (that's my pick)? Will someone else suddenly appear next year and just take over?

I really don't know. What I do know, though, is I'm already tired of the goings on surrounding the end of Oprah's show and it we're not even into 2010 yet. And the middle of 2011 is going to be unbearable. Every channel will have an Oprah special at some point. The cable news channels will start doing Oprah weekends. "The Color Purple" and that Jonathan Demme movie "Beloved" will be on endlessly, as well (not to mention "The Women of Brewster Place"). Every magazine will have Oprah on the cover. The scandal sheet tabloids will feature endless stories about Oprah's gay lover Gayle, how she's leaving Steadman and how she's having an affair with Tyler Perry. And then we'll get the interviews. "60 Minutes," "Dateline," probably even "Meet the Press." Notice how I keep saying "endless?" That's how it's going to feel.

And then her new cable channel thing will begin. And the speculation/reporting on that will be endless, too.

It ain't going to be pretty. See, this is why I didn't want Oprah to quit. The pop culture world doesn't need this kind of shake up.

I do hope, though, that on Oprah's new cable channel that she airs her old shows, especially the ones she used to do before she got all socially conscious. Remember when there was Geraldo, Sally Jesse Raphael, Phil Donahue, and others? Those really were the days.



"Thanks for everything, now where's the fucking door?"



- How long do you think it will take for Dr. Owen Hunt to start banging Dr. Teddy Altman?: Okay, so Kim Raver has finally joined the cast of "Grey's Anatomy," and her character Dr. Teddy Altman has serious history with Kevin McKidd's Dr. Owen Hunt (they served in Iraq together). She obviously has the hots for him and, to a certain extent, he has the hots for her, too. But he's in a relationship with Sandra Oh's Dr. Christina Yang and he doesn't seem to be too keen on breaking up with her to pursue Altman. But, since we're talking about "Grey's Anatomy" here, where everyone sleeps with everyone else (more or less), you just know that, at some point, Hunt is going to have sex with Altman. So, when is it going to happen?

I don't have any insider information on this or anything, but I'll venture a guess and say that Hunt and Altman will be banging before the spring. Hunt is going to get upset for some reason with Yang and Yang is going to tell him to go away, or Yang is going to suddenly start ignoring Hunt for some reason (maybe Yang will become more interested in hanging out with Altman, the hospital's new "cardio God," and that will send Hunt over the edge) and Hunt is going to go to Altman for answers/comfort. Or perhaps Altman will accept that Hunt is involved with Yang and he has no interest in leaving her, she'll get on with her life, hook up with some guy that she'll follow around for about a month, the guy will dump her, and Altman will end up in Hunt's bed. There are probably other scenarios, but these are the ones I can see easily happening in some fashion.



What if I'm wrong? What if Altman and Hunt never cross paths again in terms of love and the show does the opposite of what it normally does? What if Altman ends up as the Chief's new main squeeze, after he dumps Bailey?? It could happen.



"Yes, yes it could."

Now, what the heck is going on with Izzie and Karev? Isn't it about time that this relationship, in all ways, just goes away? Hasn't the show wasted enough time with these two arguing and whatnot? And are we going to see Izzie slowly die from cancer? Man, I'm not looking forward to that at all.



"Shut up! I'm trying to win an Emmy here!"



- Thoughts on "World's Strictest Parents": "World's Strictest Parents" is a reality show that airs on the CMT cable channel (according to wikipedia the show that airs on CMT is the American version of a show that has versions all over the world, so apparently this is a worldwide phenomena. Where the hell have I been that I never heard of this show until last week?). It features young punk hoodlum kids living with families that have a reputation for being "strict" in the hopes that the living experience changes the punk hoodlums into, well, non-punk non-hoodlums. This living arrangement is typically for one week.

I'm going to assume that, for the most part, the young punk hoodlum kids reform their young punk hoodlum ways and become worthwhile, productive members of society in every episode (that's what happened in the two episodes I saw, at least). I have no reason to think otherwise because the show is specifically designed to make people believe that the only thing troubled children understand is hard assness. Basically, these children need to be intimidated by someone bigger and meaner than they are. Isn't this just reverse bullying? Is that what we're supposed to get out of this show? Boot camp works?

I'd also like to know why so many strict parents are also religious fanatics. Aren't there mega strict parents out there that are atheists or agnostics? Or just not religious? And wouldn't it be more interesting if these troubled children were loved and nurtured by someone that wasn't a Marine drill instructor?

I'd also like to know why it seems as though this whole show is staged for the camera. Is it actually staged or is it just the way the show plays?

I don't know. Maybe I'm just taking the premise of this show and its presentation way too seriously. Maybe other episodes come across differently. I'll have to keep watching.



- Where are the Thanksgiving specials?: Thanksgiving, for whatever reason, doesn't get the big TV special treatment that Halloween and Christmas get. There's a Charlie Brown Thanksgiving special that airs every so often, and sitcoms often do Thanksgiving themed episodes (not every season, though). But where are the Thanksgiving movies? Why don't we have "National Lampoon's Thanksgiving" or something like that?

We don't even have "historical" Thanksgiving movies. I remember seeing educational films in elementary school "about" Thanksgiving, but I've never seen them repeated outside of a school setting. So what the heck is it about the Thanksgiving holiday that is so "un-TV?"



Could it be that Thanksgiving doesn't get the big TV treatment because the holiday is only one day and that there doesn't appear to be a "Thanksgiving season?" October is all about ramping up for Halloween, hence the horror movie marathons and whatnot. And December is, obviously, all about getting ready for Christmas. The traditional animated Christmas specials will likely start in the first days of December, maybe even the very end of November. What happens in November? Is November the "Thanksgiving" month? Are people really using the whole month to ramp up for the big feast on the third Thursday of November?

No. It seems as though, the past few years, that November is the "pre-Christmas" month and that the Thanksgiving holiday is just an excuse to get people together to find out what it is they want for Christmas. And for some people, Thanksgiving isn't even a day off from work (Wal-mart and K-mart employees know what I'm talking about). It's almost like Thanksgiving doesn't even exist.

So maybe that's what we, as a society need to do. We need to make November the month of Thanksgiving. We need representations of "the harvest" and Indians and Pilgrims working together to eat a big ass dinner at the end of the month everywhere (historical accuracy doesn't really matter, here. I'm talking about creating a sort of public myth). If we can get that done, then maybe we can get some actual Thanksgiving specials that are about Thanksgiving. Annual movies, plays, TV shows, the whole bit. Wouldn't that be cool?

(A moment passes)

Good God, that sounds like an awful lot of work to get a new Garfield cartoon special, doesn't it?

- Why do the characters on "CSI" always use flashlights?: This flashlight thing is something that's always bothered me about "CSI." Why the hell do the technicians always use flashlights at a crime scene, even in the daytime with the sun out? Is it for dramatic effect or is this an actual, tried and true forensics investigator technique?



I mean, yeah, the techs enter a garage in the mid afternoon and the garage door windows are blacked out, they're going to have to use a flashlight to see what the heck is on the floor and on the walls and on the ceiling. But if a guy falls off a tall building and splatters all over the ground in mid afternoon, why is George Eads using a flashlight to look at the body? What the heck am I missing here?



"Yeah, George, why are you using a flashlight in the day?"



- I've never understood the point of the "Snuggles" fabric softener ad campaign: We've all seen the commercials a million times before. A cute, fuzzy bear amid a bunch of neatly folded clean clothes talking about how soft those neatly folded clean clothes are because the clothes washer ("Mom," usually) used Snuggles brand fabric softener. You remember the cute, fuzzy bear, and you remember the name "Snuggles," although you may be unclear as to what exactly "Snuggles" is. Isn't that the name of the bear? I have no idea. And I have no idea who exactly this ad campaign is geared to.

It can't possibly be geared to children, can it? What would be the point of that? The last time I checked children don't go shopping and don't have their own money to spend. So why have a cute, fuzzy bear as your company mascot? I don't get it.

Is it geared to women specifically, or women with children? Are the Snuggles people hoping some stay-at-home Mom takes her kid to the grocery store and is then essentially forced to buy the Snuggles brand fabric softener because of the bear in the commercial? Are the Snuggles people using the same advertising scheme as the sugar coated breakfast cereal people? How does this work?





-USA airs "Pirates of the Caribbean" way too much: And FX airs "The Rundown" way too much, as well. You'd think that there'd be more variety in terms of the movies major cable channels like USA, FX, TNT, and TBS show. That's what they all advertise every single day. You want to watch movies? We got movies. All kinds of movies. And then it's "Pirates of the Caribbean," "The Rundown," "I, Robot," "National Lampoon's Vacation," and "Lethal Weapon" all damn day and all weekend.

I sort of half understand USA's infatuation with the "Pirates" franchise. It did make billions of dollars for Disney and Jerry Bruckheimer, so why not get on that bandwagon. "The Rundown" must be one of those movies that "eventually" found its audience on cable and home video because, from what I remember, the movie was a hit but not a huge hit. "The Rundown 2" hasn't happened yet. But everything else has been seen a million billion times before.

Are the movies these cable channels show again and again really that popular, or are they obligated to show them so many times a month/year? Again, you'd think that with the endless library of movies these channels claim to have they'd show different movies more often.



"We're going to do this all again on Saturday at 11am, you know."

- Why hasn't anyone made an anti-police show?: You know, with all of the alleged liberal pansies running Hollywood you'd think one of them would have created a TV show where the police are the bad guys by now. I'm not talking about that "The Shield"/shades of gray bullshit, I'm talking about having a show where every week the LAPD shoot indiscriminately at people for no reason beyond they're the cops and they can do that stuff. I'm talking about a show where the NYPD are basically slasher villains, stalking people because it's fun. I'm talking about cops as fucking scumbags. Why haven't we had that show yet?

Maybe no one has figured out how to do it yet? You'd think there would have been at least one show like that.



And finally,



-Who will watch the Thanksgiving parade from Chicago instead of the Macy's one in New York?: Up until my cable company picked up the WGN channel from Chicago I didn't know there were other major Thanksgiving parades that demanded TV coverage. There were regional ones scattered about the country, sure, but major ones that brought in celebrities and whatnot? Who knew?

CBS airs the Macy's parade but CBS doesn't call it that (CBS calls it the Thanksgiving parade or something like generic like that). And it looks like ABC isn't going to air anything parade like (where's the Disney's Thanksgiving parade? I know there's a Christmas one). That's a bit sad, isn't it? No parade on Thanksgiving for ABC.

Does anyone really want to watch a "Regis and Kelly" rerun on Thanksgiving?



"I know I don't, and it's my show."


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And now, a shameless plug for TLC



Did you catch the end of "John and Kate" the other night? I didn't either. Here is what we missed, though.





I'm sure that the finale will be on again, several times, during the week. Go here for schedule information and more.


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Strange Thoughts

Once again, I have two Strange Thoughts for you to read, ponder, and hopefully be entertained by. Most of these thoughts pop into my head while at my soul killing day job (what better place to day dream, right?). Enjoy.



"Hey, do you want to have sex with me on basic cable?"

- Do you think that female characters that engage in sexual activities on non-premium cable ever wonder why they're wearing a bra when they're basically naked everywhere else?

If TV pornography has taught me anything it's that people only have sex while completely naked. That's "good" sex. If people have sex with their clothes on, there's something dirty and wrong and nefarious going on. It's just not "right," right? Am I the only one who has wondered about this?

And then think about this. When the couple is done doing it, the guy gets out of bed and he's still wearing underwear. What the heck is the deal with that? Why is he naked up top but not down below, and why is she naked down below but not up top? Does this make any sense to anyone? I mean, not all underwear has that fly hole in the front.



"But I just had sex on basic cable! Can't you tell?"

- You know that Nissan Altima commercial featuring the song "Love Hurts?" Of course you do. If you've watched TV with commercials in the last month you've definitely seen it. If not, watch it here:



Now, at about ten seconds in, a kid kicks a ball into the side of a woman's car (she washing it in the driveway at the time). She checks to see if the ball made a dent in the car, she then looks at the kid and gives him a little smirk. What does that smirk signify? Did the kid put a dent in the side of the car or not?

I really don't know what to think. I'm going to assume that the kid didn't put a dent in the side of the car. Why else have the woman smirk/smile afterwards? But what if the kid really did put a dent in the side of the car? Am I wrong to think that the smirking, car washing woman could be, at that very moment, so pissed off about the dent that she doesn't know what to do and that the smirk is just a spontaneous, momentary action? Is it possible that, right after the commercial cuts away to the next segment, the woman runs at the kid, karate kicks him in the gut, then drags him into her garage and then suffocates him with a plastic bag over his head? For whatever reason I'm thinking it's possible.

Jeez, that's creepy, isn't it?


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The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



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And now, Dr. Phil.



"Every year, for Thanksgiving, I make my own gravy for the big turkey dinner my wife makes. And, no, the gravy isn't just a bowl of my semen with some seasoning in it. That's disgusting, not to mention hard work on my part (a man can only ejaculate so much in a day before the pump runs dry). No, what I do is I find a guy on the street and...

Yeah, we're not going to finish that one, Dr. Phil. We already know where it's headed and we're all pretty disgusted by it.

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole. Thanks for ruining sausage gravy for pretty much everyone.

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And now, the weekly Fearnet update

What's on Fearnet this week, Thanksgiving week? Why don't you go here to find out?

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out free movies (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more ("Drive Thru," a movie I reviewed for The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, was on there. Is it still on there? Check and see). They've also got a pretty nifty web series on there featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder, "Fear Clinic."



Plus, you can get information on how to contact Time Warner Cable as they still haven't reinstated the free, 24/7 on demand horror channel (how long has this been going on, this lack of Fearnet on Time Warner? Too damn long if you ask me). Come on Time Warner! We want our Fearnet!

And, if you haven't done so already, please check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them.

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

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"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by horror legend Ken Foree) is now on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick, and you will not be disappointed. I can't think of anything else I'd want to watch on Thanksgiving.

The flick now also has a firm DVD release date. According to its MySpace page, "Live Evil" will hit DVD February 23rd, 2010. That's only a few short months away, so remember that date, and be sure to keep an eye on the MySpace page and the flick's new Facebook page for further updates/developments.



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Special Comment

The following piece is called "People I'm Tired Of." Basically, it's a list of people that exist in the world of pop culture (movies, TV, crap like that) that I'm tired of both seeing and hearing about. The people listed do not appear in any kind of specific order (the first person listed is not necessarily the person I'm most tired of). Any similarity to the "Douchebag of the Week" is purely coincidental.



- Spike Lee: Spike Lee apparently doesn't understand why black audiences (and, really, let's face it, audiences in general) are ignoring his movies and his work and embracing the work of Tyler Perry instead. He just can't understand why Perry's "minstrel" like movies and TV shows hit more of a nerve with audiences than his "incredibly deep and important, socially significant" movies. I don't know, Spike, could it be that the reason people don't watch your movies as much as they watch Perry's movies is you're a terrible director?

I mean, he attacked Clint Eastwood (to a certain degree rightly) for not including any black soldier characters in his World War II movies "Flags of Our Fathers" and "Letters from Iwo Jima," complained about the lack of a cinematic record of the black experience in World War II (again, rightly), and then went and made "Miracle at St. Anna," one of the worst war movies ever made. It was so fucking boring that I had to turn it off after an hour. I just couldn't take it anymore. And this has been the Spike Lee record pretty much since the beginning.

Lee has made two or three good movies ("Malcolm X," "He Got Game," and "Crooklyn"), the rest have been kind of lame ("Inside Man" sucked). His documentary work has been decent ("4 Little Girls" was excellent, and the documentary on Jim Brown was simply awesome), but his dramatic stuff has just been, by and large, awful. I mean, people wonder where Uwe Boll keeps getting money to make movies, why aren't they wondering the same thing about Lee?

I just want Spike Lee to do one thing. Stop talking. Stop complaining about this director and that director doing something you don't like. Concentrate on your own shit. And make movies people actually want to watch.

And it never looks like you're taking a stand against something. So stop doing that, too. Will you stop doing that, though? Of course not. What the hell did Ossie Davis see in you?



- Mark Harris: Harris writes a monthly column for "Entertainment Weekly" (he shares column duties with big, fat Stephen King and the now blonde for some reason Diablo Cody) and pretty much every month he whines about how Hollywood is "afraid" to take chances. It's just big budget toy movie after big budget toy movie month after month and he's sick of it. He wants to see Hollywood make movies that "take chances," that explore issues and "real" human emotion, etc. Dammit, Harris wants to be challenged.

So why does he keep watching movies made by Hollywood if pretty much everything that gets released is just so excruciatingly awful and juvenile and wrong? Is it because it's his job, or is he just one of those "professional" critics that reflexively trashes Hollywood because that's what you're supposed to do when you're a critic? Yeah, I'm thinking it's the last thing.

That's what really fucking annoys me about Harris and "professional" critics just like him. It's like one big circle jerk scam where the outcome is always the same: if Hollywood made it it must be bad. That's just the way it is, right?

You'd think that big Steve would set Mark straight, since Steve has been the target of the same kind of narrow thinking for years.



- Star Jones: Why is she still on TV? At all?

She left "The View" under bizarre circumstances, she had surgery to get thin, she got married then divorced, and then she got that show on TruTV which no one watched. Now she's on the tabloid gossip show "The Insider," making that show often hard to watch (she appears quite often with Kathy Griffin, so that should tell you something right there).

And why are people still shocked that she's "thin?" Did everyone expect her to suddenly gain two hundred pounds when that guy divorced her? Actually, I kind of wish that did happen. She looked better fat.

I asked at the beginning and I'll ask it again. Why is she still on TV? Does she have some misunderstood fan base out there in the millions that keep her going?



- Tracy Morgan: Oh, Jesus Christ, when will this shit stop? So what if he likes to fuck women in the ass? So what if he's still on "30 Rock" and a drunk and banging supermodels or whatever? And who really gives a shit if he went on "SNL" and called Tina Fey a bitch and was all about getting Barrack Obama elected President?

I know I don't give a shit about any of it. Get this motherfucker off my TV!

And finally,



- Paula Deen: Am I the only one that thinks she looks like an evil Mrs. Garrett from "The Facts of Life?"

And for Christ's sake she's everywhere. You can't go into a store anywhere and not see her smiling fucking face on the cover of a magazine. And I'm not just talking about her own magazine; I'm talking about all of the other magazines out there that deal with home improvement shit and southern cooking and whatnot (pretty much every other magazine on the market today is either a magazine about southern cooking or home improvement). And then she goes on these shows and starts babbling about whatever the hell it is she babbles about (I never listen to it. I just hear her voice and shut down).

And then she was on the news yesterday. She got hit in the face with a ham. A fucking ham!



She's everywhere! Everywhere! What the fuck?

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The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week





This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week goes to the Republican Party, for going completely insane after Attorney General Eric Holder announced that the Obama administration planned on trying some of the 9/11 terrorists in federal court in New York City. Oh, sure, people like Rudy Giuliani and John Boehner raised fairly plausible objections in the after discussion of the announcement, but let's face facts here. The only reason the Republicans came out against the decision is the President is a Democrat. That's it. Why is it suddenly now okay to be against the President when it comes to prosecuting terrorists and you don't agree with the President's decision? Are the Republicans objecting to this decision just like the terrorists, since that was the standard line a year ago when the Democrats objected to GW Bush? Why isn't the "liberal" media hammering this story?



"I said it was a good idea back in the 1990's, but that was when the President was white!"

Exactly.



"Well, I think that if I spray on a few more cans I'll get that orange glow that makes me look fabulous."



And then there's the marketing department of Universal U.K., for removing Faizon Love and Kali Hawk from the British poster for the Vince Vaughn comedy "Couples Retreat" and then not explaining why Love and Hawk were removed. Was it a racist decision on the part of the marketing department? Was it just a stupid mistake? Was it because British audiences have no idea who Love and Hawk are? The silence is deafening. Why is it so hard to say why you made the decision you made? It just doesn't make any sense.



And finally there are the producers of "The Mentalist," for killing off Special Agent Sam Bosco. Played by Terry Kinney, Bosco acted as a great antagonist to Simon Baker's Patrick Jane. Bosco was on Jane's ass the second he showed up in the CBI squad room. He even put Jane in jail to teach him a lesson. And now, after their relationship was just getting really interesting (as opposed to just plain old interesting), a Red John acolyte blows Bosco away. What a crock of shit.

If Bosco had to die, why, then, not do it at the end of the season to make his death seem more important? Why do it now, when the season isn't even half over?

What a goddamn disgrace.

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And now, your weekly "Jericho" update



Hey, remember how I said that the "Jericho" comic book would be coming out this Friday, the 27th, Black Friday? Yeah, well, that's not the case anymore. No, the book hasn't been delayed again. In fact, if you go to your local comic book shop today you're likely to find the book for sale. Yeah, today, the 25th. So, go today and avoid the rush of Black Friday and check the book out.

If you haven't found a comic book shop near you, go here to find out if, in fact, there is one near you. And don't forget to check out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff. And be sure to keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing for information regarding the comic.

You can also still, as far as I know, preorder the eventual "Jericho" comic book trade paperback here. I don't know how the new November release date is going to change the paperback release date, but if you have it pre-ordered you'll get it when it comes out.

Now, if you're still looking to purchase "Jericho"'s full two season run on DVD you can go here to get. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually (get season 1 here, and season two here).

"Jericho" is reborn! I hope to have a review of the comic's first issue next issue. Or the one after that. Depends on how the week goes.

Long live "Jericho"!




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"Steven Seagal: Lawman" countdown

Just one week to go before we get to see potentially the greatest cable reality show of all time, "Steven Seagal Lawman," the show that chronicles the movie star's other life as an actual police officer in Louisiana. Are you as stoked about this show as I am?



The show airs next week, Wednesday, at 10pm and then another episode at 10:30pm (that may just be for the first week).



Steven Seagal: Lawman! Yeah!

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NASCAR and IRL thoughts



Well, the NASCAR Sprint Cup season is over and, as expected, Jimmie Johnson is once again the champion. Mark Martin had a slight chance going into the final race of the year at Homestead of beating his teammate at Hendrick Motorsports, but he was going to need Johnson to have the same kind of bad luck he had at Texas. After about ten laps it was obvious that that wasn't going to happen, to Johnson anyway. Johnson wasn't going to have a tire explode and rip up the front or back of his car and force him to go to the garage area for hundreds of laps in a vain attempt to fix the car. The exploding tire thing was going to happen to everyone else, though.

What the heck was the deal with the tires exploding, anyway? I don't remember that happening in the Truck race on Friday or the Nationwide race on Saturday, at least not like it did in the Cup race. What the heck happened?



"Go on, dude. Fuck with me. I dare you to."

Kudos to Juan Pablo Montoya for not taking any shit from Tony Stewart and deliberately spinning Stewart out in retaliation for an earlier incident between the two that caused Montoya's rear tire to explode. I like Stewart and all (he's an ex-open wheel guy, and that's always cool in my book), but he had no business slamming into Montoya in the first place. Montoya ran into the back of Stewart, sure, but that was because Stewart slowed down and Montoya had nowhere to go. It wasn't intentional. Stewart overreacted and he got his comeuppance.



The championship banquet is up next. I don't know if I'm going to watch it, though. I really don't want to get involved in a "Jimmie Johnson-NASCAR Legend" lovefest.



Not much going on in the IRL. Penske Racing officially announced that Will Power will race in a third Team Penske car for the full 2010 season, with Verizon sponsorship. Power should be a championship threat immediately, and I'm sure he'll be a threat at Indy, too.

We're still waiting on the official announcement of where, exactly, the IRL plans on racing in Brazil. As far as I know the race is still happening. I guess we'll just have to wait for the official announcement that always seems to be imminent.



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That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! And for you international readers, try to have as good a day as you possibly can.

"Lois: Together we can do anything: face any foe, overcome any obstacle.

Peter: Yeah, climb any mountain, rent any video, dial any phone. And not just our phone, Lois, other people's phones. Decent phones, God-fearing phones, phones that everybody else gave up on, but we knew better because we were a team!

Brian: What the hell are you talking about?"
That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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