TV Rants and Raves 12.02.09

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 12.02.2009

In this issue I Rant and Rave about “Criminal Minds” episode 100, “The Big Bang Theory,” Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime, Taylor Swift on “Saturday Night Live,” the lack of local programming, “The Locator,” “Monk,” “Castle,” a homeless sitcom, “Brothers & Sisters,” and more, plus two more Strange Thoughts, a review of the “Jericho” comic book, CBS wins a special award, and more!

TV Rants and Raves Issue #21: In this issue I Rant and Rave about "Criminal Minds" episode 100, "The Big Bang Theory," Christmas movies on the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime, Taylor Swift on "Saturday Night Live," the lack of local programming, "The Locator," "Monk," "Castle," a homeless sitcom, "Brothers & Sisters," and more, plus two more Strange Thoughts, a review of the "Jericho" comic book, CBS wins a special award, and more!

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that has never tried to market its own brand of pickles, TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.

Before I get into the main hooha of the column, can someone please explain to me what the hell a "Boogie Woogie Santa Claus" is? I've heard this song about a million times this past month (the Christmas music starts the day after Halloween where I work) and I just don't get it. Is a "Boogie Woogie Santa" just some weird guy with a big ass beard, or is there something else going on? Does anyone out there understand this song?

Here, listen and you tell me what the hell the song is about.



Anyone? I really need to know. Maybe, if I figure out what "Boogie Woogie Santa Claus" is about it won't be as awful to listen to a million more times over the next month (knowledge is power, they say). Maybe.

Oh, and I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving. Yeah.

Now, with that out of the way, on to the main part of the column.

TV Rants and Raves

- "Criminal Minds" 100th episode thoughts: Well, wasn't that interesting? The Reaper (the great C. Thomas Howell) comes back full force to terrorize agent Hotchner and his family and in the process he freaks Hotchner completely out, he cuts off D.B. Sweeney's fingers in one of the dang coolest finger removal sequences in television history, murders Hotchner's ex-wife Haley, threatens to engage in some serious Kim Richards with Hotchner's son, and then finally meets Hotchner face to face in a hellacious, brutal brawl that ends with Hotchner beating the Reaper, literally, to death. Now that's how you wrap up plot threads.



"Fuck yeah it is."

I wasn't all that impressed with how this whole "Hotchner/Reaper" thing started at the beginning of the season. Why didn't Hotchner just beat the crap out of the Reaper right there in his home in the first episode? That's what I wanted to see. I didn't want to see some lame ass cat and mouse thing. But that's what happened. At least it ended well.

The first section of the episode, with the opening flashback and the whole ongoing inquiry by Section Chief Erin Strauss into the BAU's operations and Hotchner's leadership ability was slow to build, but it eventually worked with the rest of the episode. The scenes with Howell as the Reaper, engaging in terror and brutality, were outstanding (again, that scene where he cuts off D.B. Sweeney's fingers was excellent. You just don't see enough of that kind of thing on television in my opinion). And that whole final section, with Hotchner checking each room in the house, eventually finding him, and then beating the crap out of him, is one of the best sequences of television I've ever seen. It had everything. Drama, suspense, nasty violence, and a brilliant ending. I just can't praise this episode enough, easily one of the best of the Joe Mantegna episodes.



"Come on, dude, kick my ass! I dare ya!"

Now the question is what's going to happen to Hotchner and his son Jack? How is Hotchner going to handle being a single parent? Is he going to get a nanny or will there be a Hotchner family member introduced into the show in a reoccurring character kind of way? And will Hotchner now make a move on Agent Prentiss, now that his wife is dead and in the ground and he doesn't have any of that Reaper shit to deal with? I know I'm not the only one to notice the chemistry between the two and how, in a sense, they compliment one another. It'd be a shame if they, at least, didn't try.



"I love being a bitch."

There's also this Section Chief Strauss stuff to deal with. As we all saw in episode 100, she didn't pounce on Hotchner at the end of her inquiry and she was rather sympathetic to what he had just gone through, but Strauss can't possibly be done investigating Hotchner. What the heck is her deal, anyway? Why does she have such a hankering for destroying him?



And will Morgan be removed from the team leader position now that the Reaper is dead and Hotchner doesn't need to watch his back anymore? Is Morgan going to put up a fight for the leadership position? Does he now like being in charge? I guess we'll find out soon enough.

"Criminal Minds" is over the hurdle of the Reaper. What's next?



- "The Big Bang Theory" needs more Penny: And by more Penny I mean the show needs to have the uber hot Kaley Cuoco (Penny) in skimpier outfits and more sequences with her in her underwear. And why does the show need to do this, beyond the obvious that it would be fun because Kaley is, again, just so dang hot?



Penny and Leonard (Johnny Galecki) are finally together as boyfriend/girlfriend. The mega nerd (that would be Leonard) finally captured the super prize that is the hot girl that he would never have a shot with in a million years but somehow managed to get anyway. Leonard is living the horny yet sensitive nerd's biggest dream, and by extension so are we, the nerds in the audience. We are Leonard, and as such we want to see more of Penny in various intimate situations.



And, no, I'm not talking about watching her go to the bathroom or anything like that (although that would probably make for a funny episode. It would probably end up involving Sheldon in some way). I'm talking about seeing her basically undressed in front of Leonard and not being phased by it. We need to see more skin.



Of course, now having written all of that down, it sounds kind of creepy, doesn't it? Sounds almost stalkerish, doesn't it? Well, maybe what the show needs to do is an episode where Penny and Leonard try to have sex but keep getting interrupted by various distractions (Sheldon, oblivious to what's really going on, and Wolowitz and Raj trying to see what the heck is going on via hidden camera. Maybe Wolowitz wants to make a sort of amateur porn movie featuring Penny, he gets all excited about seeing Penny naked, but then gets weirded out when he realizes that, in the process of making the porno he's also going to have to see Leonard naked. It's sitcom comedy gold, I tell ya).

Good God, I'm such a lame ass pig. I should be shot.




- The Christmas movies have started on the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime. Yeah. And by "yeah" I mean, well, yeah, I'm happy about it. Out of all of the TV movies that both the Hallmark Channel and Lifetime make and show the Christmas movies are the best. The stories are better, the acting is usually better (not always, but the Christmas movies tend to get better actors, both in terms of stars and character actors), and they're just made better.



"A Grandpa for Christmas," starring Ernest Borgnine, is a new favorite of mine. Borgnine plays a former actor that's trying to establish a relationship with his granddaughter to make up for the lack of attention he gave his daughter growing up. The great Jamie Farr plays a bit part as one of Borgnine's breakfast buddies. "The Christmas Card," with Ed Asner, is another pretty dang decent movie that plays often during the Christmas season (check out this page for more info on the movie).





"Silver Bells," with Anne Heche and Tate Donovan is a watchable movie, about a farmer kid that decides to make a life for himself in New York City, against the wishes of his father. The chemistry between Heche and Donovan is amazing. Those movies with Peter Falk as a Christmas angel are fun to watch, too (those movies are "A Town Without Christmas," "Finding John Christmas," and "When Angels Come to Town").





And then there's "A Diva's Christmas Carol," a musical riff on the Dicken's classic with Vanessa Williams in the Scrooge role and probably my favorite of the Christmas movies that get aired during the Christmas season. It's got great music, some decent special effects (the bits where Williams goes with the three Ghosts are some of the best TV movie special effects I think I've ever seen), and some funny performances (one of which comes from Kathy Griffin, which is shocking, I know, but true). The movie does drag a bit from time to time, but that's more a function of the TV movie genre than anything else (those commercial breaks tend to mess up the flow of a movie).

Now, there are a few movies I wish they'd stop airing at Christmas. "The Christmas Wish" with Neil Patrick Harris is kind of lame. "Holiday Affair," with David James Elliott and Cynthia Gibb should probably skip a Christmas (it's a good movie but I just don't want to see it again for a while). "Borrowed Hearts," with Roma Downey, Erick McCormack, and Hector Elizondo should probably rest for a few years.



And then there's "A Smoky Mountain Christmas," with Dolly Parton, Lee Majors, and John Ritter, among others. I like this movie, sure, but for the love of God does it need to play every goddamn day? Is it really necessary for, I believe CMT, to air the movie for 24 hours straight like TBS does with "A Christmas Story"? I don't think so. It would probably be a good idea to let the movie rest for a half decade or so, build up some suspense and longing for someone to air it again. Let "A Smoky Mountain Christmas" become special again.



"Yeah, I was in 'Scrooged,' but neither of us should know that. It's 1986 for Christ's sake."

Hopefully, the new Christmas movies that premiere this month are worth watching. There's one with James Van Der Beek and Doris Roberts, "Mrs. Miracle," that looks promising (I believe it's on this coming Saturday, so if you're home and have nothing else better to do, check it out).



- Taylor Swift is the best guest host of "Saturday Night Live" so far this season: I haven't seen the Joseph Gordon-Levitt hosted episode yet (it's on my DVR and will, hopefully, be watched this coming weekend) so maybe my opinion will change after watching it, but, so far, Taylor Swift has been the best guest host of the season.

Megan Fox was okay (she missed more than she hit) and January Jones had her moments. Ryan Reynolds just fucking sucked. Drew Barrymore probably should have been better. And Gerard Butler was hilarious for most of his episode (the "What Up With That" sketch is a favorite of mine), but none of them matched the overall performance of musician Swift. Her monologue was better than most (thankfully it wasn't all about Kanye West), the bit where she imitated Shakira was dang funny, and she held her own with the great Keenan Thompson and his Macintosh "scared straight" character. And her stint as the musical guest was decent, too (and I'm not a fan of her music, either).



Swift also seemed more comfortable than most actually performing. It seemed like she knew most of her lines (she didn't look off to the side or straight ahead looking for cue cards like most of the recent guest hosts) and she never once looked like she was out of her element. She wasn't as good as Hugh Laurie, but then who has been (Laurie is the best guest host of the past five years, hands down).

Hopefully Swift gets asked back. I'd like to see her host again.



- What the heck ever happened to actual "local" programming?: For the past two years, on Thanksgiving, I've watched the "Bozo, Gar, and Ray" two hour special retrospective from WGN, chronicling the legacy of the top three locally produced Chicago children's programs, "Bozo the Clown," "Garfield Goose and Friends," and "Ray Rayner and his Friends." It's a pretty decent retrospective, especially considering I didn't grow up with any of the shows and I really have no idea who any of the people in it are. Watching the retrospective, though, always makes me wonder why we don't have locally produced TV shows anymore.

Oh, sure, there are a few markets here and there that still have locally produced TV, like movie hosts and crap like that, but for the most part the locally produced TV show has disappeared.

Locally produced studio professional wrestling is pretty much gone. Children's TV hosts are gone. Local variety shows are gone. The only thing that's left anymore is local news, and who knows how long that's going to last (local affiliates are always bitching about how much the news department costs). Even public affairs programs are pretty much a thing of the past (you know, those early weekend shows dealing with local issues and whatnot?).

Well, why did these kinds of shows disappear? Low ratings? Cable? It wasn't worth the expense anymore? Too many options?

How about a fundamental change in the way local network affiliates are viewed by the world? It seems to me that local network affiliates exist more to serve the network than the local community. The only thing that matters is maximizing profits for the mega corporation that owns the station (hence all of the fucking infomercials. I've asked this a million times before and I'll ask it again, who the fuck is watching this shit?). That's kind of sad, isn't it?

Yeah, it is, but it's best not to think about it. Big business is never wrong.





- Have you ever watched "The Locator" on the WE tv?: "The Locator" is one of the weirdest shows I think I've ever seen on cable. It stars a man by the name of Troy Dunn, and features Dunn and his team of researchers as they try to track down long lost family members and friends for people that ask Dunn for help. When Dunn and his people find the long lost person (and he usually does), the people meet and it's all very heartwarming and sweet.

Well, so what? What the heck is so strange about that? Because the show always comes off as heavily staged, like "The Hills" on MTV. And I'm not just talking about the meeting at the end of the show; I'm talking about the whole thing. There isn't a minute of the show that doesn't feel scripted and set up.

Am I missing something here? Is the show supposed to come off like a pseudo documentary?

I like the show (most of the time. Some of the people on the show are boring as hell). I just want to know if I'm misunderstanding something about the show.



- The "Monk" series finale doesn't seem to be drawing much publicity: The last episode ever of the great USA comedy/drama "Monk" airs this Friday night. Monk, as played by the great Tony Shaloub, is going to find out who killed his wife Trudy, the only case the best detective in San Francisco could never solve. For fans of the show, this is a big deal (obviously). But, for whatever reason, it doesn't seem to be that big of a deal to anyone else.

When a long running network show decides to end its run (I'm talking about a show that ends itself on its own terms. Getting cancelled isn't necessarily the same thing) it usually gets a bit of extra publicity the closer it gets to the final episode. Show actors and writers are interviewed, magazine articles are written, and there's a sense of "this is a big deal, isn't it?" in the broader pop culture zeitgeist. Long running cable shows don't seem to get the same coverage/respect. "The Sopranos" is probably the only cable show that did get a big, important send off. "The Shield" didn't. "The Wire" didn't. "Battlestar Galactica" really didn't. What the heck is going on here? Why aren't cable shows, which so many people claim are better than regular network shows, getting such short shrift?

So who killed Monk's wife? It seems pretty obvious that it's the character played by Craig T. Nelson, right? But, if it isn't Nelson's character, then who the heck is it?



- How long do you think it will take for Castle's daughter to be kidnapped?: Is it just me or does it seem as though on the great ABC cop show "Castle" that lead character Richard Castle (Nathon Fillion)'s daughter Alexis (Molly Quinn) is becoming a bigger and bigger part of the show? She's in pretty much every episode at the beginning and the end (and sometimes in the middle) and she's becoming more and more a fixture in her father's life (she even showed up at the station and helped Detective Beckett). Isn't it now just a matter of time before she gets kidnapped?

I don't know who would want to kidnap her or why exactly, but, to me anyway, it's looking more and more like she's going to go missing soon and her father is going to have to do everything in his power to rescue her. That's what happens in pretty much every TV show eventually, doesn't it? A child is kidnapped. It happened on "The West Wing."

I'm guessing that, by the end of the season, something bad is going to happen to Alexis. Perhaps it'll be part of a cliffhanger going into season three? I wouldn't be surprised if it happened.



- Has anyone ever made a sitcom featuring homeless characters?: I imagine that, if there ever was a TV show featuring homeless characters it would be a heartfelt, serious, socially important drama that dealt with real life, life-and-death issues and not a goofy sitcom. Doing a sitcom with homeless characters living on the street would smack of exploitation, and TV isn't in the exploitation business (ha!). There would be protests, letter and e-mail campaigns, "responsible" people wouldn't stand for it.

But, for the sake of argument, let's say that some network wanted to do a sitcom featuring homeless characters, what would it look like? I don't know. The network would probably want a cast of hip and edgy young people that "look" good on television (but that's not all that surprising. That's what networks always want). I would love it, though, if the network in question instead just ripped off the section of Mel Brooks' movie "Life Stinks" where Brooks' character is living on the streets. Have the lead character be a newly homeless person and let him or her do the "fish out of water" thing. Have the lead character meet colorful friends and go on little adventures. And, above all else, make it funny and ridiculous. Let the audience laugh.

Laugh? At the homeless? You soulless prick. Why would you want to laugh at the homeless?

Well, doesn't humor help humanize people, and isn't that the biggest issue when it comes to figuring out how to "fix" the homeless problem? Maybe society in general wouldn't look down on the homeless if it didn't think homeless people were all drunks and crack addicted psychopaths.

Maybe. It's worth a thought, isn't it?





- CBS is about set to cancel "Three Rivers." TNT has cancelled "Raising the Bar": I guess I'm not all that surprised by either cancellation (or, in the case of "Three Rivers," the show's indefinite hiatus, which means it's going to get cancelled), but it still stinks anyway. "Three Rivers" was just finding its voice, and "Raising the Bar" had all sorts of potential going into a third season. Judge wars, more conflict between the prosecution and the defense, and Zack Morris was going to make great effort at getting nominated for an Emmy. I'll probably go into these cancellations in greater detail in a later issue, when more shows are cancelled (and that will happen), but, for right now, it stinks.

I know my mother is pissed right now. She loved "Three Rivers."


And finally,



- It's about time the Walker family on "Brothers & Sisters" got over themselves: I think I've talked about this before but, after the most recent episode of the ABC comedy/drama, it needs repeating: the Walker family needs to get over itself.

My God, I don't think I've ever seen such a self important group of people as the Walkers. Absolutely everything is a crisis of massive proportions and everyone either has to yell like an asshole while discussing whatever the hell the new family problem is or cry right in the middle of talking about it. What the hell is wrong with these people?

And I have to say that Holly (Patricia Wettig) needs to go. And Ken Olin needs to go, too. I've never liked Holly (Wettig is a good actor, but in this part, she's actually more annoying than Sally Field's character), and Olin's David Caplan has worn out his welcome (what the hell does he even do now? Is he still a photographer? I've already forgotten). They're both going to completely freak out at the upcoming wedding between Justin and Rebecca about something (Field is going to freak out, too, but her freak out will probably be easier to handle). I don't want to watch that? Why can't these people just run away to some island?

***

And now, a shameless plug for TLC



This Thursday at 10pm, TLC airs the first episode of "BBQ Pitmasters," a documentary reality show about big ass bbq competitions. Check out this preview for details.



Is this something you want to watch on an empty stomach?

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Strange Thoughts

Once again, I have two Strange Thoughts for you to read, ponder, and hopefully be entertained by. Most of these thoughts pop into my head while at my soul killing day job (what better place to day dream, right?). Enjoy.



- In the movie "Twister," in the part where Helen Hunt's tornado hunting team stops at her Aunt Meg's ranch to eat steak and take a shower, there's a scene where Bill Paxton's character announces that he's done taking a shower and that the shower is now free. Helen Hunt's character immediately yells out "I'm next." Now, while she's saying "I'm next" she's also opening a can of soda (well, I assume it's a can of soda. It could be iced tea for all I know. It's a can of something. I'll just keep calling it a can of soda just for the sake of brevity). We eventually see Hunt take a shower, but we never see her finish that can of soda. Why? Did she forget about it? Did she open it, drink half of it, and then leave it for Aunt Meg to clean up later? Did Hunt take the can with her so it could then be used at the end of the movie in the big "let's put wings on the little sensors" thing? What the hell happened to that soda can?



- Since direct-to-DVD sequels to popular action and horror movies seems to be all the rage these days, how long do you think it will take 20th Century Fox to produce a "Speed 3?" I know that "Speed 2: Cruise Control" didn't exactly set the world on fire, but the first movie, with Keanu Reeves and Dennis Hopper (and let's not forget Joe fucking Morton) still means something to people in general. It's a "good/great action flick." So, the "Speed" name still matters. So, again, why not do a direct-to-video sequel?

Okay, so, let's say Fox says it wants to do a "Speed 3." Who would star? Reeves certainly won't return, and Sandra Bullock already had her chance and blew it. Jason Patric would probably be game for returning to the franchise, but then he was also part of part 2 so there's really no point in trying to make that happen. I think that Fox should pick Carlos Carrasco, who played Ortiz the construction worker on the bus in the first flick.



"Yeah, me. I gotta wife..."

Think about it. Ortiz was pretty charismatic in the first flick, he put his ass on the line several times trying to help Reeves' Jack Traven, and it's obvious that the guy can handle the action stuff (he wouldn't look ridiculous jumping out of a moving car). It's also out of the box casting, which means that the potential movie isn't beholden to any preconceived audience expectations. There's a real chance that Ortiz could die because, hey, he's just Ortiz.

This could work. All Fox needs to do is give it a go.

***
The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



***

And now, Dr. Phil.



"I once took a shit in my neighbor's birdbath. No, I wasn't drunk. I thought, at the time, that I was doing my part for Mother Earth by recycling all of the granola I ate the day before. I figured, hey, the birds can grab a bite and get clean, too. It was win-win, man. My neighbor fucking sued me! Fucking sued me! Some people just have no appreciation for a humble man's good works."

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole.

***

And now, the weekly Fearnet update

What's on Fearnet this week, Thanksgiving week? Why don't you go here to find out?

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out free movies (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more (the classic "Killer Klowns from Outer Space" was on there. Is it still on there? Check and see). They've also got a pretty nifty web series on there featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder, "Fear Clinic."



Plus, you can get information on how to contact Time Warner Cable as they still haven't reinstated the free, 24/7 on demand horror channel (how long has this been going on, this lack of Fearnet on Time Warner? Too damn long if you ask me). Come on Time Warner! We want our Fearnet!

(Time Warner is also airing a commercial in some markets asking you to go to its website RollOverorGetTough.com and vote on whether or not you want the cable company to fight programming price increases or drop channels in protest. If you go there and vote the site asks for some information about you and then asks for comments. Tell them there that you want Fearnet back).

And, if you haven't done so already, please check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them.

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

***
And now, a little bit about "Live Evil"



"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by horror legend Ken Foree) is now on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick, and you will not be disappointed. .

The flick now also has a firm DVD release date. According to its MySpace page, "Live Evil" will hit DVD February 23rd, 2010. That's only a few short months away, so remember that date, and be sure to keep an eye on the MySpace page and the flick's new Facebook page for further updates/developments.



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Special Comment: A Review of issue #1 of the "Jericho" comic book




Well, hopefully you were able to get to a comic book store last Wednesday to pick up the first issue of the "Jericho" comic book. I know that my local comic book store was running short of copies by midday (luckily I made arrangements to have the store add the "Jericho" comic to my monthly comics holds) and I saw several people with the book in their piles while walking around the store. Hopefully, those people will like the comic and make an effort to pick up issue #2. I know I will (well, I should say I would if I didn't have it my save file).

The book picks up a little while after the end of the TV show, with Jake Green and Hawkins on the run from the Allied States of America, hiding out in Texas, conferring with the Texas government and trying to figure out what their next move is. Civil war is about to erupt between the old U.S. government and the ASA/Cheyenne government. I don't want to get into story specifics beyond the above because doing that will spoil it for you. I will say that the book definitely feels like the TV show, and that's a good thing. A damn good thing.

The art work is top notch. The characters from the TV show actually look like the actors playing the characters on the TV show (Jake Green looks like Skeet Ulrich, Hawkins looks like Lennie James, etc), and the background characters look like "real" people as opposed to comic book characters (that's always been one of my pet peeves with comic book tie-ins. Take the "Star Wars Expanded Universe" comics. The movie characters look like the movie characters. Han Solo always looks like Harrison Ford. But the characters created especially for the comics, they all look like comic book characters. And while there's nothing wrong with a comic book filled with characters that look like they belong in a comic book, it's disorienting to have a comic book where some characters look like real people and some characters look like cartoons). The page layouts are exciting and none of it looks cheap. It doesn't look like anyone involved is "cashing in," so to speak.

The pacing of the first issue is well done, although I wish the book had about four more pages in it (I'm always in favor of more pages in comics. The story takes up about twenty-six pages in the twenty eight page book, which is more than usual with most comic books today, but I've always been of the mind that comic books should always have a minimum of thirty two pages of story. Anything less is a scam. But then I'm weird). I do want to commend Devil's Due Publishing for keeping the advertising pages to a minimum and keeping that advertising at the end of the book. That's where it belongs.

I also want to commend the way the book manages to condense the essential "Jericho" story into about three pages right at the beginning, getting everyone up to speed on what's happening. You don't need to be a fan of the show to read along and understand the story (although, if you're not a fan of the show you may wonder who the old guy is at the bottom of page 2, in the lower right corner. That's Gerald McRaney's Johnston Green, Jake's father, who died in the last episode of the first season. He's missing his beard for some reason).

I can't wait to read issue number two, which should be coming out in December. Where the heck is the story going? How will this second American Civil War resolve itself? Will it resolve itself? Just what the heck is going to happen?

Again, I can't freaking wait. "Jericho" is back! Yeah!

"Jericho: Season 3: Civil War" Issue #1: Rating: 10.0/10.0

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If you still haven't found a comic book shop near you, go here to find out if, in fact, there is one near you. And don't forget to check out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff. And keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing for information regarding issue #2 and more.



And don't forget that you can still purchase the entire "Jericho" run on DVD. Go here to buy the entire series. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually. Buy season 1 here, and season two here.

You can also still apparently preorder the "Jericho" comic book as a trade paperback here. I'm going to assume that the release date for the TPB will get pushed back because of the delay in releasing issue #1 (amazon.com still claims that the book is coming out in January), so just be aware of that.

Long live "Jericho"!




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The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week





This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week goes to CBS, for bringing Adam Lambert onto the Morning Show after the AMA performance/"Good Morning America" cancellation because of homophobia thing and then engaging in its own brand of homophobia by blurring out the impromptu man-on-man kiss from the video footage of the AMA performance.

Oh, sure, CBS can claim, just like ABC, that it blurred out the kiss because of reasons other than homophobia, but that's what CBS engaged in by blurring out something that pretty much everyone in the world had already seen on the internets. CBS didn't want to get any complaints about it from, well, whoever complained about the kiss when it appeared on ABC (I'm going to assume that most of the complaints came from ultra right wing religious wackos because, well, that's just what they do). Absolutely pathetic.



And then there's the Regal Entertainment Group, which has decided to once again allow ultra right wing lunatic Glen Beck to perform live via satellite for one night only as part of its Fathom Events thing. Yeah, I know lots of people like Beck and are keenly interested in his sequel to the "Christmas Sweater" and enjoy watching him get all emotional, but that's no reason to do business with him. The man is fucking insane. Isn't there some Opera rerun you could stage instead?





And finally there's Michael Andretti, who changed the name of his IRL Indycar team from AGR (Andretti-Green Racing) to Andretti Autosport. Yes, that's what I said. Andretti Autosport. What the fuck kind of pretentious bullshit is that? Autosport? Does Michael really think that changing his race team's name to something that sounds vaguely "European" will get Formula One teams to look at his son Marco? Because that's really the end game in all of this. Marco in F-1.

Look, unless you yourself create your own F-1 team or suddenly come in to hundreds of millions of dollars in international sponsorship money, Marco is never going to F-1. Ever. The IRL is the best Marco is ever going to do. Just accept it and move on.



"But, but, I'm destined for it. Destined!"

And, no Peter Windsor and his U.S. F-1 team are never going to put Marco in an F-1 car, either. It's just not going to happen.

Autosport. What the fuck kind of shit is that?

***

"Steven Seagal: Lawman" countdown: 0 days!

Tonight is the night when, "Steven Seagal Lawman," the show that chronicles the movie star's other life as an actual police officer in Louisiana, premieres on the A&E network. Are you as stoked about this show as I am?



The show airs tonight at 10pm and then another new episode at 10:30pm (that may just be for the first week). You know you want to watch it.



Steven Seagal: Lawman! Yeah!

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NASCAR and IRL thoughts



Well, the IRL finally figured out where it'll open its 2010 season in Brazil, as the city of Sao Paulo will host the IZOD Indycar Series in the middle of March (March 13th I believe). This sounds like a pretty good deal in a financial sense for the IRL teams as they're getting quite a bit of money to show up and race. Now, all that has to happen is for the event to actually happen. Champ Car tried to stage races in South Korea and Europe several times only to have the races cancelled because of a lack of sponsorship money (it happened in the U.S. several times, too, so it's just not a "foreign venue" problem, but it just tends to look worse when an overseas event is cancelled. I don't know why, it just does). The race, if it happens, should draw a crowd, as the IRL has several top Brazilian drivers (tax cheat Helio Castroneves, Tony Kanaan, Vitor Meira, Mario Moraes, among others). We'll see how it works itself out.



The other big news is the official announcement of Danica Patrick signing a three year deal with Andretti Autosport (Jesus Christ, that's a terrible fucking name) and signing up Go Daddy.com as her major sponsor. With all of that out of the way, now it's on to endless speculation as to when Danica will start her NASCAR career. Will it be 2010? When in 2010?



Not much going on in NASCAR world. I guess the big news is Kasey Kahne's ongoing displeasure with his team's "instability" in reference to its upcoming merger with Yates Racing and an affiliation with Ford. If Kahne leaves Richard Petty Motorsports, it's unclear where exactly he will go as there are so few good seats up for grabs. Kahne could go race for Tony Stewart if Stewart decides to start up a third Cup team (I don't see that happening, though, as major sponsorship money is scant at the moment and Stewart doesn't seem like the kind of guy all that interested in spending his own money. I don't blame him. Where the hell is he going to come up with $15-25 million dollars?). Richard Childress Racing could put Kahne in the #07 car, as long as Kahne can bring his current Budweiser sponsorship with him. Or maybe Kahne is thinking about starting up his own team? I guess we'll find out soon enough. Kahne has said that he'll likely stay with RPM through 2010, as that's when his contract runs out, but after that his plans are up in the air.



There's also some ongoing hooha on whether or not four time champion Jimmie Johnson deserves to be considered a NASCAR great and in the same league as Petty, Dale Earnhardt, Cale Yarborough, and even Jeff Gordon. I'm going to wait and comment on this at a later date because I want to think about it for a while. I mean, yeah, I don't like the guy, but his statistics are impressive. Again, I just want to take it all in and figure out what it is I really think about it.

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That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

"Peter: You gotta help me Brian. Teach me how to be a gentleman.

Brian: Well, Peter, it's not really that hard. Let's start with polite conversation. For example, 'It's a pleasure to see you again. Lovely weather we're having.' Now you try.

Peter: 'It's a pleasure to see you again. After Hogan's Heroes, Bob Crane got his skull crushed in by a friend who videotaped him having rough sex.' How's that?

Brian: Wow. Perfect. My work is done. But just for the heck of it, let's try it again."

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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