The 411 Movies Top 5 12.18.09: Week 196 - Top 5 Anti-Holiday Movies

Posted by Trevor Snyder on 12.18.2009

The 411 crew takes a look at some of the non-traditional films that have become part of their holiday viewing tradition.



We all love the classic holiday movies. That is, after all, why they're the classics. But let's face it, most Christmas movies are pretty sappy, and you can only take so much maudlin holiday spirit before you start to overdose on schmaltz. That's why I asked my fellow 411 writers to join me in listing some of the other movies that have become holiday traditions for each of us. So gather the family, get a nice fire going in the fireplace (or put on a fireplace DVD, if that is more your style), and spend the season watching some of:

THE TOP 5 ANTI-HOLIDAY MOVIES

TREVOR SNYDER

In the interest of full disclosure, I am not including Die Hard on my list simply because it seems like at this point many people have actually come to think of it as a legitimate Christmas film. That may sound odd, but just a few days ago at work, everyone was listing their favorite holiday movies, and almost everyone included Die Hard without any sense of irony. So, given that, I figured I would go with some less-obvious choices. But let it be known, if I was including Die Hard, it would easily get the top spot.

5. TIE: Turbulence/P2

I know, I know, I'm cheating already. But I just couldn't choose between these two. After all, it's not like either of them are actually good movies, but they both have the same thing going for them – a delightfully demented villain performance. In Turbulence, it's Ray Liotta as captured serial killer Ryan Weaver, who manages to hijack the Christmas Eve flight he is being transferred on. This leads to a battle of wits between Weaver and a plucky flight attendant played by Lauren Holly. The conflict between the two never really takes off (plane pun!) in a truly intriguing way, but Liotta's over-the-top mugging makes it worth a watch. Meanwhile, P2 features Wes Bentley as a psychotic parking garage guard who snatches the businesswoman he is obsessed with (played by the boob-tastic Rachel Nichols) and attempts to keep her prisoner in the garage on Christmas Eve. Bentley's performance is never quite as extreme as Liotta's, but it does get fairly ridiculous when he does a full-fledged Elvis lip-synching routine. Like I said, neither of these are what you would consider "classics," but they're both fun. And sometimes that's all you're looking for during the holiday season.

4. Gremlins

The more comedic and self-aware Gremlins 2: The New Batch is, in my opinion, the better film, but the first one does take place on Christmas, and has thus long been a favorite alternative holiday movie for many movie fans. And who here wouldn't want a Mogwai for Christmas? Oh, sure, the movie shows that it might not be the smartest decision to get one for a pet. But, hey, as long as you follow the three rules you should be fine. And, if not, well, whose hometown couldn't go for a little monster invasion, really?

3. Batman Returns

OK, there are still some serious missteps in Burton's second go at the Batman story – for instance, he still seems to think Batman has no problem killing people, as evidenced by the scene in this film where Batman kicks a bad-guy holding dynamite down a sewer and just walks away as the guy apparently blows to pieces. But, still, this second film holds up a lot better than the first one, probably because the darker and weirder tone fits more with Burton's sensibilities. Plus, the Christmas-time setting gives the film a great look, as the visual of a snow-covered Gotham (which, ironically, makes the city look brighter at night than in any other recent Batman movie) is a nice unique touch. And hey, what says Christmas spirit more than Michelle Pfeiffer in a skin-tight leather body-suit?

2. Go

Whenever people think of director Doug Liman, they tend to either focus on Swingers or his later more action-oriented work like The Bourne Identity and Mr. & Mrs. Smith. What often gets forgotten is Go, which came right in the middle of those two phases. Maybe that's because this is one those movies that sometimes gets unfairly categorized as nothing more than a post-Pulp Fiction Tarantino wannabe. Don't get wrong, with its three separate but interweaving storylines format, the comparison is certainly apt, but Go is also a hell of a lot better than most of the other films that tried to copy Tarantino at the time. All three stories take place on Christmas Eve, and in one way or another have to do with a seedy LA drug dealer played by the always cool Timothy Olyphant. Sarah Polley, Jay Mohr, Scott Wolf, Taye Diggs, William Fichtner, Desmond Askew and Katie Holmes round out the rest of the primary cast, and all are quite good. I used to think this movie's reputation would really grow over the years, but unfortunately that hasn't appeared to be the case. Add it to your holiday watching rotation this year, and let's see if we can't get it back some of the respect it deserves.

1. The Lord of the Rings Trilogy

When I told my fellow writers the topic for this week, I stressed that these could be movies that are somehow related to Christmas, or just films that have become a personal holiday viewing tradition for whatever reason. And in movie-land, was there any holiday tradition in recent memory more exciting than the annual Christmas-time releases of the Lord of the Rings films? From what I've heard, I'm not alone in still trying to watch all three of these every holiday season – maybe because we want to recapture some of that magic that was sadly lost after the release of the final film…or maybe just because the holiday break is the only time we actually have to sit through the whole damn thing. Whatever the case may be, Lord of the Rings remains a Christmas tradition, and here's hoping The Hobbit becomes one as well.

SHAWN S. LEALOS

5. The Nightmare Before Christmas

This is the anti-Christmas Christmas movie of all anti-Christmas movies. Jack Skellington is the King of Halloweentown but wants more. He wants to do something different and when he discovers Christmas, he has Santa Claus kidnapped and starts to spread his unique Christmas cheer, causing an outbreak of panic everywhere. I love, love, love this movie and if you have not seen it yet, find it and watch it now. And then, to make it better, wait until next Halloween and go watch it in 3D when it gets its yearly re-release in theaters. And on a dark cold night, under full moonlight, he flies into the fog like a vulture in the sky! And they call him, Sandy... Claws...!

4. The Ref

While he has been aces on the television hit Rescue Me, Dennis Leary originally set his eyes on Hollywood. He was really good in smaller roles in films like Judgment Night and Demolition Man but the comedian really hit it big in his comedy Christmas movie The Ref. It is only natural that he get this great role because the director was Ted Demme, the late brother of Jonathan Demme, and the man who directed Leary's great standup special No Cure for Cancer. The director surrounded the still raw Leary with some great talent in Kevin Spacey and Judy Davis, portraying the dysfunctional couple that Leary's Gus attempts to rob on Christmas Eve. Home Alone only wishes it was this great.

3. Die Hard

This movie is number one on probably 95% of the world's lists of anti-Christmas movies, but only ranks third on mine for reasons I will explain later. Regardless of my ranking system, Die Hard is one of the greatest movies ever made and probably the best guy movie in the history of cinema. In the days of Arnold and Sly there came a guy named Bruce Willis, who was not big and strong and heroic, but instead a normal guy put into abnormal situations - at his wife's company Christmas party. Facing him is the evil, awesome Hans Gruber, played by the awesome Alan Rickman. From this setup, Die Hard remains one of the greatest action movies ever. Did I mention it was great?

2. Lethal Weapon

One scene in this movie hit me hard and made me completely fall in love with this film. Riggs is sitting in his trailer. He is drinking and looking at a picture of his deceased wife. On the television is, of all things, a Loony Toons Christmas special. Riggs looks at his wife and while Bugs Bunny and the gang are frolicking on the television, Riggs puts a gun in his mouth, preparing to kill himself. This scene knocked me out. What else could be the definition of an anti-Christmas movie than one where our hero tries to commit suicide while watching a Christmas cartoon? There is also a great chase scene through a virtual forest of Christmas trees and the great fight in the winter weather between Riggs and Gary Busey's Mr. Joshua. Die Hard is great, but I will take the first Lethal Weapon any day of the week and it is only the first Shane Black scripted film on this list.

1. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Shane Black gets a clean sweep of my top two spots on this list. If you have not seen Kiss Kiss Bang Bang, go watch it now. It is a great movie. After a nine year absence from Hollywood (way too long), Black returns with his first directorial effort. Robert Downey Jr. is Harry, a down on his luck father who breaks into a store to steal his child a toy for Christmas. His luck continues to spiral downwards as the robbery is botched and he finds himself on the run from the police. He ends up in a movie audition and bluffs his way through the audition, while evading the police. Believing he is honestly trying out, and impressed with his realistic "performance", he wins the role in the movie. This is all just to setup the plot where he is teamed with a private investigator (an awesome Val Kilmer) to help him prepare for the role in the movie. The rest of the movie is a classic film noir as written by the best screenwriter in Hollywood.

BRYAN KRISTOPOWITZ

Honorable Mentions: The Principal (1987), I Come in Peace (1990), Die Hard (1988)

5. Mary Poppins (1964)

I seem to remember watching this classic Disney flick around Christmas when the Disney channel was all the rage in the 1980's. I could be wrong about the timing, but that's what I remember. The movie obviously has nothing to do with Christmas or holidays, but it is chock full of magic and magical stuff, so it kind of fits with the holiday spirit. And, if you think about it, it's the kind of movie that everyone in the family can enjoy, either for nostalgia's sake or for the sheer enjoyment of the old school spectacle of a woman that floats into town via umbrella, a tea party on the ceiling, a cartoon world interlude featuring funny penguins, and a full on roof top dance number. You may not want to go fly a kite in the middle of the snow and cold of the season, but you'll probably be singing about them afterwards. A wonderful antidote to the fucking Christmas carols you've been hearing for the last two months.

4. Lethal Weapon (1987)

The great buddy cop action movie that, for some reason, took place during the Christmas season. Did Shane Black, the screenwriter, ever explain why he set the story during Christmas? It sure did start a trend, though, didn't it? For like two to three years there it seemed as though every action movie featuring cops took place during Christmas. But, hey, what's not to like here? Mel Gibson and Danny Glover taking on Gary Busey and Mitchell Ryan and a bunch of black ops drug smugglers smack dab in the middle of Los Angeles. There's gunplay, kung fu, humor, and a classic attempted suicide scene. Easily one of the best action flicks of the late 1980's. But, again, why the heck is it set at Christmas? Just so the soundtrack can have Christmas music in it? Tell me you don't think of a drugged up, half naked woman jumping her to death right after hearing "Jingle Bell Rock."

3. Tango & Cash (1989)

My aunt took me to see this on Christmas day, 1989, and while I don't think she liked it all that much (she absolutely hated Stallone. She did laugh when Kurt Russell dressed up as a woman, though) I know sure as heck liked it. Great bad ass performances by Rambo and Snake Plissken, Brion James playing a British psycho, and Jack Palance, fresh off his supporting villain turn in that summer's Batman, playing a weirdo gun runner with a mouse fetish. Plenty of explosions, plenty of cool car stunt stuff (especially at the end with the super truck), and one of the best buddy cop action movie scores of all time.



I don't watch it on Christmas anymore, but I usually check it out during Christmas week, at least once. They sure as heck don't make movies like Tango & Cash anymore, that's for sure.

2. Star Trek VI: The Undiscovered Country (1991)

I bought this flick on VHS for my mother back in 1996 or so as she told me it was her favorite Star Trek movie. She actually had never seen the movie until I bought it and we watched on Christmas morning, but I didn't know that then. I ended up spoiling several of the opening scenes for her, as I was going off on a monster geek tangent about this and that (she didn't appreciate it). My favorite part of the movie is the final scene, where the original crew (well, most of it), under orders from Captain Kirk, decide to fly into a nearby sun instead of dock the ship and retire. And, yes, I know that isn't what really happens, but for a while there I thought there was a chance that is what happened. It would have been a great fuck you ending. We're not retiring, we're telling you to go to hell. That's the kind of ending to make you all warm on Christmas morning, isn't it?

1. Escape from the Bronx (1983)

Also know as Fuga dal Bronx, this is the great mega low budget Italian sci-fi action flick from director Enzo G. Castellari that's the sequel to the director's classic mega low budget Italian sci-fi action flick 1990 Bronx Warriors (1982). I watch it every year when I wrap Christmas presents (check out an old column I did where I went into detail about the movie here). It's become quite the weird personal tradition. I usually finish wrapping stuff after about forty minutes and then I just sit back and watch the rest of the movie (often with an aching back). And the movie just gets more and more ridiculous and entertaining with each viewing. Henry Silva is hysterical as the whacked out villain. I just wish I understood why the ending comes out of nowhere. It's almost like the movie is missing twenty minutes or something.

This isn't the ending, but this sums up the movie as well as anything:



Trash rules around Christmas.

JEREMY THOMAS

Honorable Mentions: The Ice Harvest , Gremlins, Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

5. Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon is a great little "Anti-Holiday" movie. I think that the reason, for the record, that Shane Black set it during Christmas is to really drive the point home of Riggs behind alone without his wife. Few things hurt more than being alone on the holidays, and it really makes Riggs's situation a bit more dramatic and easy to empathize with. Whatever the reason this is a great buddy cop film, the film that all buddy cop movies should be held up to for comparison. Danny Glover and Mel Gibson have such a great chemistry between them, and along with another film on this lest set a new bar for police action films. The fact that it takes place on Christmas is just an added bonus.

4. The Ref

One of the most bitingly sarcastic and funniest "Christmas" movies, this bumbling heist comedy features Denis Leary kidnapping Annette Bening and Kevin Spacey, a dysfunctional couple in the midst of a divorce. The resulting hijinks are hilarious, involving a delinquent son, an abusive and controlling mother, an incompetent and alcoholic partner in crime and a drunken, belligerent Santa Claus. This is the flat-out funniest of the non-Christmas Christmas movies I've ever seen and is a yearly tradition to watch around my house.

3. Go

Go is far from a standard Christmas story but it does take place on Christmas and is a fun little Crash-style hyperlinked film about a bunch of people who encounter each other on their own various missions over Christmas. You have Ronna (Sarah Polley), who's trying to get enough money for rent. She ends up buying ectascy from drug dealer Todd (Tim Olyphant). That has its own complications; meanwhile you have soap stars Zack (Jay Mohr) and Adam (Sott Wolf) who are helping in a drug sting, and Simon (Desmond Askew), Marcus (Taye Diggs) and Singh (James Duval) on their way to Vegas. Everything crosses over and merges and does that fun thing that these always do, with a Christmas theme to boot. Fun times.

2. Die Hard

I really, REALLY wanted to make this my number one choice, but there is one that I consider just a little bit better. Still, I love the hell out of this movie and the Christmas references, capitalized with "How I have a machine gun, Ho Ho Ho" is an all-time classic moment in the action genre. Willis is in top form, Rickman is at the top of his game, and even the supporting characters are to a man great. There's not a thing to hate about this film, in my mind.

1. Love Actually

This is the ultimate Christmas movie that isn't really about Christmas, in my eyes. It is one of my favorite romantic comedies of all-time, featuring a cast of some of the top actors alive at the top of their game. Bill Nighy is absolutely hilarious, Colin Firth's tale with his language barrier-ridden romance is heart-warming, Emma Thompson has wonderful chemistry with Alan Rickman (who almost made three entrances on this list just for "Cancel Christmas" from Robin Hood, but I couldn't justify it), Liam Neeson and his character's son are wonderful and I feel Mark's pain. It's a wonderful, beautiful movie that I just love to watch over and over.

STEVE GUSTAFSON

Honorable Mentions: Santa's Magic Lap, Debbie Does the North Pole, Elves Gone Wild

5. Love Actually

Real quick, careful looking up those titles on my Honorable Mention list. They're a tad racy. Watch those while Grandma is busy cooking the Christmas turkey! And who knew the creativity people have when coming up with adult Christmas titles? Impressive.

I thought long and hard about this list and decided to go with movies that had a connection with the season without being labeled a "Christmas Movie". Love Actually grabs a spot on this list because you're going to be surrounded by family. Mom, aunt, grandma, girlfriend, wife, etc. You need something in your arsenal to show them and what else are you going to put on? Bad Santa? Please. As far as chick flicks go, this one is watchable. It impressively intertwines 10 different stories of love where the various people connected are interlinked with one another. It takes place five weeks before Christmas and runs down, week-by-week until the big day. With a cast that includes Hugh Grant, Emma Thompson, Colin Furth, Bill Nighy, Liam Neeson, Kiera Knightley, Rowan Atkinson, Laura Linney, Martine McCutcheon, Lúcia Moniz, and the always awesome ALAN RICKMAN, you're going to find someone here you like. To get into the details of the movie would take me another 3 or 4 paragraphs but just know this will score you points with the in-laws.

4. Go

Hey, it's another one of those "intertwining" movies. And another one with a decent cast. Katie Holmes, Sarah Polley, Scott Wolf, Jay Mohr, Timothy Olyphant, and the always awesome WILLIAM FICHTNER! This is one of those movies that I always forget about until someone else brings it up. But it's a pretty fun ride, and a nice little homage to Quentin Tarantino with its quirky dialogue and fast paced style. A nice little black comedy that takes place on Christmas Eve that's done mostly right.

3. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang

Robert Downey, Jr., Val Kilmer and Michelle Monaghan. Now that's a trio I would want to spend the holidays with! It makes me happy that this movie is still gaining fans all these years later. It was cool to like Downey in this movie BEFORE it was cool to like Downey. So, when you just can't take the caroling, the screaming kids, the lines, the tinsel that gets between your toes, or walking by a questionable smelling man ringing a bell, put this on and escape.

2. Lethal Weapon

My one and two go together like Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen. Not only are they good, fun but they established a new type of urban action movie. Some of you might have a hard time imaging it, but there was a time when action films weren't filled with slow motion fight scenes and quick editing cuts. And there was a time when Mel Gibson had the reputation of being a "cool guy" instead of a borderline bearded crazy Hollywood outsider. Over the years Lethal Weapon has become one of those movies that every one gives props to but they probably haven't seen in a while. What better way to get reacquainted with an old friend, dust this puppy off, and enjoy the exploits of Martin Riggs and Roger Murtaugh. Oh, and Gary Busey!

1. Die Hard

Is there EVER a bad time to watch this? Really. I can't think of any instance where it would be inappropriate to put this on. Birthday, funeral, holiday gathering. It works. When Bruce Willis signed on for this one he insured his legacy in Hollywood and made it possible to do whatever type of project he wanted, and no matter the success of the movie, he'll still get offers. That's the power of Die Hard. What better way to spend the holiday then watching this with friends, family, and loved ones. Hell, invite over an enemy and I'm pretty sure there will be peace while this is playing. That's the power of DIE HARD!

LEN ARCHIBALD

5. Black Christmas:

CANADA! Only a true-blue cynical Canadian could see the most joyous holiday of the year and turn it into the sick, twisted day of the macabre. Bob Clark's cult classic (based on true-life murders in Montreal) contains some of the cheesiest, and at the same time, creepiest moments. The asphyxiation scene is now an iconic moment in horror lore – and anything that boasts the future Lois Lane, John Saxon and Keir FREAKIN' Dullea is alright with me. "It's me…Billy."

4. Kiss Kiss Bang Bang:

Shane Black's tongue-in-cheek tale of Hollywood meeting film noir is one of the best films of the decade (I should know, I listed it as such) with great performances from Robert Downey Jr. and Val Kilmer, but it starts off so innocently with a holiday robbery gone wrong. From there, it twists and turns into a mystery, ending with President Lincoln and breaking the "fourth" wall at every possibility. Great holiday film right here.

3. Fanny and Alexander:

Oh, you know I had to throw a foreign film on this list. It's kind of expected. This is perhaps Swedish filmmaker Ingmar Bergman's most accessible film that begins with an hour long Christmas party scene. Poor Alexander, who can't play with his new magic lantern toy, and Alexander's grandma who the holidays represent loneliness and depression. If you're feeling in *that* kind of mood and want to torture yourself and drown your sorrows in others for 188 minutes (or five hours if you get the Criterion edition of the film), this one's for you.

2. Trading Places:

Oh, Eddie Murphy. Oh, Dan Aykroyd – where have you gone? At one time, these two were the biggest names in comedy – both Saturday Night Live mainstays and in Eddie Murphy's case, on his way to becoming one of the most bankable stars in history. This little tale of Billy Ray Valentine and Louis Winthorpe III is one of the absolute funniest films ever made. From Eddie Murphy's blind/cripple "I can SEE! I can WALK!" to the $1 bet, to Aykroyd being a Bad Santa before Billy Bob Thorton could even think about it – and Jaime Lee Curtis giving the world two glorious presents…Sorry, lost my train of though here. THE TRAIN SCENE! Winthorpe in blackface and being the greatest Ja-fakean of ALL TIME! MONKEY SUITS! I could go on and on and on.

1. Die Hard:

There is no doubt in my mind what the #1 non-traditional/anti-Christmas movie is. What's not to love about it? Bruce Willis' wisecracking badassery? Alan Rickman's dry badassery? "Christmas in Hollis" and Argyle? "Fists with your toes", "Shoot the glass!" Using a computer to destroy an entire floor! William Atherton's douchebaggery? Or how about the one moment that makes Die Hard tops among ALL Christmas movies:
"Now I have a machinegun…Ho. Ho. Ho."