TV Rants and Raves 1.20.10

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 01.20.2010

Rants and Raves on the fallout of Conan vs. Jay, the return of Chuck, The Golden Globes, Undercover Boss on CBS, the Winter Olympics, why people need to stop throwing up on TV, why Tyne Daly deserves her own show, plus two more Strange Thoughts, a review of Jericho: Season 3 Issue #2, Pat Robertson, drug addict Rush Limbaugh, and Bubba the Love Sponge all split a very special award, and more!

TV Rants and Raves Issue #28: In this issue I Rant and Rave about the return of "Chuck," The Golden Globes, "Undercover Boss" on CBS, the Winter Olympics, why people need to stop throwing up on TV, why Tyne Daly deserves her own show, and the ongoing NBC late night thing, and more, plus two more Strange Thoughts, a review of "Jericho: Season 3" Issue #2, Pat Robertson, drug addict Rush Limbaugh, and Bubba the Love Sponge all split a very special award, and more

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that has never tried to chug a pint of white paint because that would be stupid, TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.



Before I get into the main hooha of the column, I just want to mention that "Gamer," the best movie of 2009 (in this reviewer's opinion, anyway) hit DVD and Blue Ray yesterday, January 19th. If you didn't get a chance to see the movie when it came out in theatres (and let's face it, most of you didn't) now is your chance to check out yet another brilliant, kick ass movie from the directing duo behind the "Crank" franchise, Mark Neveldine and Brian Taylor (or, as they like to be called, Neveldine/Taylor).



You can check out my full on review of the flick here and then you can go to your local DVD outlet (you know, like Wal-mart or Target or Best Buy or some place like that) or you can go here and buy it.

I'm telling ya, you'll dig it if you give it a chance.





Okay, now with that out of the way, onto the main part of the column!

TV Rants and Raves



- "Chuck" Season 3 Debut Thoughts: "Chuck," the hip and edgy action comedy spy show that was on the verge of cancellation last year is back on NBC, and all I can say is: welcome back Bartowski.

I missed the last five episodes from last season (goddamn DVR wouldn't play them for some reason. And don't get me started on NBC On Demand's reliability. I probably could have watched the episodes on the internets, but I can't stand doing that) but I sort of kept track of what happened via the internets. I knew ahead of time the big "upgrade" Zachary Levi's Chuck Bartowski received at the end of last season and how he can now do all sorts of kung fu. I was sort of unsure on how that new wrinkle in the story would work. Could I accept the uber nerd Chuck as a man of action?

Yes, yes I can. The training session in Prague that started out the big hooha two hour season premiere was hilarious (I kind of figured that it was a training exercise of some kind. Even with an Intersect upgrade and enhanced ass kicking abilities there was no way Chuck was ready for solo field work). The thing with the belt could trip up anyone. I didn't quite get why the government would want to train Chuck to be a spy anyway, even with the upgrade. He's just not ass kicking spy material.

The show kind of slowed down when it got back to Chuck and his sister and eventually Chuck back at the Buy More. The Buy More stuff isn't as interesting as it used to be. Lester and Barnes (Vik Sahay and Scott Krinsky) aren't as fun as they were last season (the Buy More looks like a cheaper set now, too. It's awfully bright in there, isn't it?). I missed Anna Wu (Julia Ling) and her nerdy hotness (she's coming back, isn't she?). Morgan was surprisingly less annoying this time around (I've never been a fan of the Joshua Gomez character. I still don't understand how he managed to keep his job at the Buy More for so long. He can be so goddamn annoying).



The general spy stuff was pretty dang cool, perhaps cooler than it's ever been. Sarah (Yvonne Strahovski) is her usual uber hot self. And Adam Baldwin's Colonel John Casey is his usual bad ass self (I loved it when he fondled the minigun. It's just so John Casey). I wish the intelligence service would find someone else to be the commander. General Beckman (Bonita Friedericy) has outlived her usefulness on the show (they should have kept Tony Todd). Who was the guy she was talking to in last Monday night's episode, the one we only got to see from the chest down? Did he show up last season at the end?



The relationship between Chuck and Sarah has changed just a tad, and probably for the better. She's always been an aggressive personality, and now that she has to find a way to get Chuck to channel his aggression into the upgrade so he can use it when he needs to and it doesn't destroy his mind, I can't wait to see how long it takes for her to screw it up. You know she's going to do it at some point. And will Chuck ever stop being the sensitive guy and become a little more assertive with her, even without the upgrade? That approach will probably fail, too.

Now, where is this Awesome kidnapping thing going (I haven't watched the episode from Monday yet, the one with Angie Harmon in it)? Is he going to die or is he going to become an employee of the government and work with the agency that Chuck works for? You can see that happening, right? Sarah and Casey get beat up quite often. What's wrong with having a doctor on call that's also a main secondary character on the show? Or is this just a way to get Awesome and Chuck's sister Ellie (Sarah Lancaster) off the show as regulars? Didn't "Chuck" have to drastically cut costs in order to get a third season?



So where is the show going this season? Are we going to see Chuck become a total, non-stop bad ass in the middle of the season for some reason? Will there be new complications with the upgrade? Will something fun and interesting happen once again in the Buy More?



Oh, one more thing. Am I the only one who thinks that Emmet Milbarge (Tony Hale) got a bit of a bum deal getting shot in the face like that? Milbarge was always a douchebag and all, but, dude, he got shot in the face just outside the Buy More. That's a pretty dang cold way to die, isn't it? Shouldn't he have died in his office in the store?



- "The 67th Annual Golden Globes Awards" thoughts: Well, the Golden Globes awards show hosted by the great Ricky Gervais has come and gone, and for the most part it was a pretty decent awards show. I sure as heck didn't see "Avatar" winning anything (I thought that "Up in the Air" would win a bunch of awards, and maybe Kathryn Bigelow for Best Director, but it didn't happen. I'm kind of bummed about the Bigelow thing, but I'm totally fine with "Up in the Air" losing. I can't stand that flick's director Jason Reitman. There's just something about the guy that makes me want to call him a douchebag), and I sure as heck didn't see Robert Downey, Jr. winning Best Actor for "Sherlock Holmes." On the TV side, the award for "Glee" was nice, but the awards went pretty much as expected. The only real shock for me was Tina Fey losing for Best Actress for "30 Rock." Has "House" ever won a Best Drama award? It seems like the show gets nominated all of the time but never actually wins.

The big question going into the awards show was how would host Ricky Gervais do as host? It was Gervais' first time hosting an awards show as big as the Golden Globes, and for the most part he was pretty decent. He was quite funny at the beginning of the show but then he got progressively less funny as the show went on. And it wasn't because of the booze (well, I don't think it was because of the booze). It was because he wasn't onstage enough. It seemed like he disappeared for like an hour there. His Mel Gibson quip was fucking awesome (it was also awesome how well Gibson took the joke. He didn't get all pissed off about it. Would Sean Penn have laughed at a joke like that at his expense? It'd be interesting to find out, wouldn't it?).

Gervais was a bit of a letdown in the outrageous/danger department. He probably should have been slightly meaner to everyone, including NBC, at least at the beginning. If NBC wants him back next year, they should set aside like fifteen minutes spread throughout the whole show where Gervais, with a microphone, can go into the audience and insult people. Maybe then they could stage a fight between Gervais and Steve Carrell over all of the "The Office" jokes/complaints Gervais keeps making. I think it'd be hilarious to have the show host fight a guy in the audience throughout the building. It'd be ridiculous, sure, but it sure would be funny.

The Screen Actors Guild Awards are up next, this Saturday I believe. The show is on both TBS and TNT. I don't fully understand why the show is on a Saturday (wasn't it on Sunday last year?) but it should be a good show anyway. Did anyone out there know about the Critic's Choice Awards show that aired last week on VH-1? Did VH-1 have that show on last year?



"You're going to clean that one over there, yeah, but you have to have lunch in this one. Those are the company rules."


- What the heck is CBS thinking with debuting "Undercover Boss" after the Super Bowl?: CBS pretty much shocked the entire world when it announced that it would air its new reality show "Undercover Boss" after the Super Bowl instead of "The Big Bang Theory" or "The Mentalist" or something like that. I know I was shocked by the announcement. Why the heck would CBS, the number one network on television (well, until "American Idol" starts, then Fox becomes the number one network), use such prime programming real estate to debut a reality show that doesn't look all that promising?

I just don't get it.

How much do you want to bet that all of the undercover bosses end up "growing" at the end of each episode and "gain an appreciation" for the hard work of his or her employees? Will we ever see a boss say "That wasn't so hard. What the hell are these people complaining about?" Of course not. Because then the show wouldn't be "uplifting" and the show wouldn't be all about making the boss look human.

And how much do you want to bet that the show's soundtrack will be chock full of those rambling guitars that are always on the soundtrack of uplifting reality shows?

I'm really tired of this fake "uplifting reality show" shit. Where's the misery? Why aren't there more reality shows about truly depressing people and subject matter, to provide a kind of balance to all of the "good, positive, uplifting" stuff?

I'd watch a show like that.

And how many episodes is this "Undercover Boss" thing supposed to last? Will it go on for longer than five-six episodes?



- Why I'm not looking forward to the Winter Olympics: I've never been all that interested in the Olympics, either the Winter ones or the Summer ones. The games always interrupt regular TV programming, not just on the network hosting the games (in this case, NBC) but on the other networks, too. Very few new episodes air, if at all, and

There's also an overwhelming pro-American bias by the announcers, which is just off-putting when it comes to international sports (I'm fairly certain that the coverage in other countries is just as home country bias). Yeah, that's great Mr. Costas, you love your country, but what does that have to do with the current long jump skiing event?

And then I'm going to have to put up with the endless complaints by various Olympics fans concerning the scheduling of their favorite games. Oh, no, curling will be on at 7am on Saturday on CNBC! That's so unfair! And on and on it will go until the games mercifully end after two weeks.

And Drake forbid if there's some sort of judging fuck up, because that'll be the story for about two weeks after the Olympics end. I don't want to go through that shit again. Remember that last judging fuck up story? The networks will start talking about that again in conjunction with the new story, and they'll drag those people back onto the news and it will never end.

Two weeks? I don't know if I'll last that long.



- I'm tired of people throwing up on TV: I'm tired of this not so much because it's disgusting (it is, but being disgusting is no reason not to be on TV), but because it's all so unrealistic. I mean, think about it, why do so many TV shows feature characters throwing up? Because it allegedly adds a hint of "realism" to the story. That's what today's TV people learned from the hip and edgy independent film world. Puke=real life.

Well, guess what TV people, when people throw up on TV it's so damn quick and tidy. Where's the straining? Where are the little stringy things that hang out of a person's mouth after they upchuck? And why is the vomit on TV always super chunky, like chewed up Cheerios mixed with ramen noodles (it's either that or it looks like milky soup broth)?

And why does the puke always appear right in a person's mouth and then plop out? Why don't people on TV ever throw up a little, then a lot, then a little more, strain a bit, and then just blow chunks everywhere?

And where's the aftermath? When was the last time you threw up and didn't get some of it on yourself? No one on TV ever seems to have to clean themselves up after barfing.

I'm making myself kind of sick thinking about this right now, so I'm going to end it right here.



- Tyne Daly deserves to get her own detective show: The great Tyne Daly hasn't had a steady TV gig in like five years. The last thing she did on a regular basis was the CBS show "Judging Amy" with Amy Brenneman, and that ended in 2005. Since then, she's done some theatre stuff, some guest spots (she's Patrick Dempsey's mother on "Grey's Anatomy" and she's set to do a reunion with her "Cagney and Lacey" partner Sharon Gless on the USA show "Burn Notice") and that's it. For me, a Tyne Daly fan from the time I saw her in the third "Dirty Harry" flick "The Enforcer," that's just not enough. Tyne Daly needs to be on TV again, every week or at least more frequently. And the best thing for her to do, at least to me, is a detective show.



Yes, Tyne Daly needs to star in her own detective series.

It would need to be a show sort of like "The Mentalist" but harder and darker. I don't mean "dark" like the movie "Seven" or the show "The Shield" but Daly's show shouldn't be a "happy" show. Daly should be hard nosed and somewhat mean, witty and sarcastic with her fellow cops (or, if she's a private detective in the show, with the cops), and she should probably have a "coffee" problem. She should be hooked on caffeine and chocolate (because of the caffeine in the chocolate) and she should get headaches when she doesn't have what she needs (the show could do a scene like in the third episode where Daly's character tries a Mountain Dew for the first time. I bet it would be hilarious).

Daly's character should also get into the occasional fist fight (obviously the show would have to use stunt doubles most of the time) and she should get to kill a guy every now and then. And she should probably have several boyfriends (none of that cougar shit here, either. The youngest guy she should bang is Victor Garber). And it should all be taken seriously.

The show should probably take place in St Louis, Pittsburgh, or Chicago (New York City and Los Angeles should be given a rest as detective show locales), someplace that we've never seen or don't see that often. And the show shouldn't shy away from the fact that Daly is old and fat.

Yeah, I'm proposing a detective show starring an old and fat woman.

I really think that this kind of show could work and Daly is the right kind of actor and personality to do it. Of course, no network in the world would touch a show idea like this. Or would they?

Would cable do a show like this? Glenn Close is kind of old and she's got "Damages." So where the heck is Tyne Daly's show?



- Was last week's "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" a backdoor pilot for the character played by Naveen Andrews?: "SVU" was a little weird last week, wasn't it? I mean, for one thing, the show was actually good from beginning to end, something that hasn't happened in a good, long while (there wasn't one bad moment in the whole episode). And the other thing was the presence of the character played by the great Naveen Andrews ("Lost," "Grindhouse: Planet Terror"). Andrews played Detective Ash Ramsey, part of the NYPD's Special Fraud Unit. He's a Brit working for the NYPD, he's super educated and always dressed to the nines, he's got several girlfriends (we only see one in the episode, but it's implied that he's got more around town). Sounds like a lead character on a TV show to me.

So would you watch a cop show set in New York City starring a British NYPD detective? I know I would. I think I'd also watch a show where a large part of the main character's job is examining a suspect's finances (forensic accounting hasn't been explored on TV enough for me). I just don't know if anyone else would.

The more I think about this, a show featuring Ramsey would probably end up looking more like the very cool but cancelled anyway "The Philanthropist," all very big budget movie like and super important. Instead of maintaining the low key profile of the "SVU" episode NBC would want a show bigger-than-life (for the love of God, it's a fucking show about a forensic accountant! We're going to need more explosions, aren't we?). That would suck.

Eh, maybe it was just an "SVU" with a special guest star in it, like that time Robin Williams did a guest spot. That's probably what it was.

"Ramsey: SFU," Tuesdays at 10pm would still be awesome, though.

And finally,

- The aftermath of this NBC late night thing: Well, it looks like this Friday will be Conan O'Brien's last night hosting "The Tonight Show." As I write, nothing has been officially announced, but it's pretty obvious that O'Brien will be gone from NBC very, very soon, and Jay Leno will be back hosting "The Tonight Show," I guess, after the Olympics.



So how exactly is this a good idea, especially in the long run? O'Brien leaves the network to likely go work for Fox, something NBC didn't want to have happen (that's why the network made the arrangement for O'Brien to take over "The Tonight Show" five years ago, isn't it?). Leno is now, once again, damaged goods within the cultural zeitgeist. Will Leno be able to retake the #1 ratings spot when he goes back to "The Tonight Show," or is it going to take some time for him to rebuild the audience? If that's the case, will Leno have the time to do so?

I mean, think about it. As of this moment, no one can trust anything NBC says about anything. People are going to get all nervous and automatically assume they won't fulfill their promises. Suddenly everyone that deals with NBC is going to want more contractual stipulations that prevent the network from fucking them in the ass, which will then lead to NBC not getting the kinds of shows they need to get out of fourth place because no one wants to deal with them. What the hell is NBC going to do?

I have a hard time blaming Leno for any of this. He comes across as a little tone deaf sometimes when dealing with this situation on TV, but it doesn't look like he's driving this thing at all. This is all NBC panicking.

Fucking NBC.



So who do they have in the pipeline next to take over for Leno when he eventually retires? Obviously, NBC isn't going to get Conan to come back, so, again, who is in the pipeline with a chance to eventually take over the show? Who, currently, looks like a sure fire eventual replacement?

NBC is going to have to get on that soon. What if Leno fails his second time around? It could happen. It really could happen.



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And now, a shameless plug for TLC



It looks like the 2010 "Miss America" pageant will soon be upon us. Saturday, January 30th is the date of the show, with the shindig starting at 8 pm EST. When the heck did TLC get "Miss America?" I thought CMT had it.

Well, this year anyway, TLC has it. Here's a clip of last year's winner doing stuff and talking about what it's like to be Miss America. Enjoy.




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Strange Thoughts

Once again, I have two Strange Thoughts for you to read, ponder, and hopefully be entertained by. Most of these thoughts pop into my head while at my soul killing day job (what better place to day dream, right?). Enjoy.



- First up, in John Carpenter's underrated "Memoirs of an Invisible Man," it is revealed at the end of the movie that Daryl Hannah's Alice Monroe is pregnant via her boyfriend Nick Halloway, the "invisible man" of the movie title (and played by Chevy Chase). Now, Alice and Nick had to have sex in order to get pregnant, right? That's probably how they handled it, unless Nick had donated sperm somewhere before he became invisible and Alice got pregnant via artificial insemination. I guess that could have happened, but is that as interesting as Daryl Hannah having sex with an invisible man?

No, of course it isn't.

Now, we know via the movie that Nick and Alice had sex after Nick became invisible and that Alice liked it quite a bit. That first "invisible sex" encounter is probably when she got pregnant. And as we see at the end of the movie Nick and Alice are living together up in the mountains somewhere. They've made a serious commitment to one another, right? So how long do you think it took Alice to get tired of having sex with an invisible man? Because you know it had to happen. You know that the logical extension of this relationship isn't "happily ever after" but "Jesus Christ, where are you and why haven't you taken out the trash?" You just know that the whole invisibility thing had to get old. So do you think it's possible that Alice eventually made Nick wear full body make up before having sex so she could see him? Or do you think she made him wear make up only on his face and cock?

Damn, I bet that was scary the first time. A dangling and or fully erect penis just floating in the air, moving around the room like a bee.





- If Don Johnson farted in a quiet restaurant do you think he would own up to it and apologize to everyone or would he act like nothing happened and just go about looking at the menu? Johnson seems like a pretty cool guy, so I'd like to think that he would own up to it immediately and tell everyone that he's sorry.

But I have a sneaking suspicion that he'd only do it if he was with someone, like on a date or something. In that scenario, if he didn't apologize with someone sitting right there in the blast zone he'd look like an asshole. But if he was alone (think of Johnson in a greasy spoon diner somewhere) he probably wouldn't own up to it. He'd probably look around like everyone else that heard it and look for someone to blame. What would he have to lose?

Unless... someone recorded the incident on his or her cell phone. That would be quite the youtube/TMZ video, wouldn't? Don Johnson, good old James Crockett/Nash Bridges, floating an air biscuit in full view of ten or twenty people. That wouldn't be good for Don.

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The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



***

And now, Dr. Phil.



"You ever try to stick your cock into the back of a chick's knee and then have her bend her leg and squeeze it? No? Well, I have, and I gotta tell ya, I almost pulled my back out, and she popped two ribs, but it felt so damn good down there. I wouldn't recommend doing it every day, though. You're probably just better off doing her armpit. That'll probably be easier, at least on you. That's what's important."

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole.

***

And now, the weekly Fearnet update

What's on Fearnet this week? Why don't you go here to find out?

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out free movies (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more ("Class of 1999 II: The Substitute" was in there last week. Is it still there? Check and see). The site also has a pretty nifty web series featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder, "Fear Clinic" that's definitely worth a look.



Plus, you can get information on how to contact Time Warner Cable as they still haven't reinstated the free, 24/7 on demand horror channel (this has been going on for about a year now, hasn't it? What the hell is the hold up? Where the hell is my Fearnet?). Come on Time Warner! We want our Fearnet!

And, if you haven't done so already, please check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them.

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

***

And now, a little bit about "Live Evil"



"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by horror legend Ken Foree) is currently on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick that's well worth the price.

The flick now also has a firm DVD release date. According to its MySpace page, "Live Evil" will hit DVD February 23rd, 2010. That's only a few short months away, so remember that date, and be sure to keep an eye on the MySpace page and the flick's new Facebook page for further updates/developments.





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Special Comment: My Review of "Jericho: Season 3" Issue #2



Well, the second issue of the "Jericho: Season 3" comic book has finally come out, and I have to say that it was well worth the wait.

Jake Green and Robert Hawkins are still in the Allied States of America looking for terrorist John Smith. It's cool how they deal with the ASA troop threat in that border processing area. It's also cool how Hawkins tries to find someone to make fake I.D'S. Even though he's never been there, he knows where to look. Jake and Hawkins are also still wanted men, terrorists on the run from the ASA.

Things are getting more interesting and potentially in Jericho proper, as Major Edward Beck is trying to get ASA Major Dominick Petrella, a military man Beck believes he needs to get on his side so the Jericho Resistance can continue. Beck has Hawkins' laptop with him, the laptop with all of the evidence on it. Dale Turner, who runs the Jericho general store, is back and kind of scary (I won't tell you what he does in this issue, but I will say that it's terrifying. Just what the heck is up with Dale?). And good old Stanley the farmer gets a nice surprise from his wife Mimi. Very, very cool stuff.

This issue, while just as good as the first issue, goes by way too quickly. There's just so much cool stuff going on that it really, really sucks when the issue ends because I'm going to have to wait until next month to see what happens next. That last panel, featuring that rat bastard played by Daniel Benzali on the show got my blood boiling (I'm serious about that. I hate that fucking guy).

But will issue #3 actually come out next month, February, or will we have to wait until early March? I hope not, but based on the release schedule of the first two issues it's a distinct possibility. I wish that the comic didn't have to limit itself to just six issues. I wish it was just the first part of Season 3. I wish that Season 3 went 24 issues, or at least half that. There's more story to tell here.

The book layout is still top notch stuff. There's a pseudo letters page at the end of the book, called "The Post Apocalypse" (cool name). I hope that in future issues that the letter's page looks more like a traditional comic book letters page (I've always been a fan of the comic book letters page). I'd also like to see one or two character pin up drawings in the back of the book (I've always been a fan of comic books doing that, too).

All in all, issue #2 was a blast to read, and, again, I can't wait to see what the book has in store for issue #3. If you're a "Jericho" fan, you need to start reading this book immediately. It's the closest thing we have to a new episode of the TV show.

***

If you still haven't found a comic book shop near you go here to find out if, in fact, there is one near you. And don't forget to check out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff. And keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing for information regarding future issues.

You can also preorder the "Jericho" comic book as a trade paperback here. I have no idea when the TPB will come out (amazon.coms till claims that it's coming out in January, but I don't see how that's possible since they've only published two issues) but if you preorder it on amazon, they'll send it to you when it does come out.

And remember that you can still purchase the entire "Jericho" run on DVD. Go here to buy the entire series. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually. Buy season 1 here, and season two here.

There's no stopping the "Jericho" world now!

Long live "Jericho"!



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The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week



This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week is a three way tie, as Pat Robertson, drug addict Rush Limbaugh, and Bubba the Love Sponge split the big Douchie for their comments on the recent earthquake in Haiti.



Good old Pat said that the earthquake happened because of a "curse" caused by Haitian slaves making a pact with the Devil to free themselves from French slaveholders back in 1791 (check out this page for more specific information). And there are people in this country and world that take this fucking guy seriously. Why the fuck would it take 219 years for something like a massive earthquake to happen? In what world does that even make sense? I always knew that Pat was batshit crazy (have you read his book about the New World Order? You should just to see how fucking insane, not to mention racist, he is) but this may be the most insane thing he's ever said. Good job, Brother Pat.



And then there's drug addict Rush Limbaugh, for saying that President Obama was using the earthquake's aftermath and the U.S. response to it as a way to show the world that George W. Bush was an idiot and a terrible President. Apparently Rush feels that President Obama should have followed the Hurricane Katrina federal response model, where the U.S. government waits several days to do something instead of doing something immediately. The Messiah is also apparently using the earthquake to gain favor with black people in the United States (that's what Rush said). The only person making political hay out of this is you, Rush, because you have no conscience. You're a heartless, soulless, despicable human being. It's sad to think that people listen to you, too.



"Check out my douchebag shades. Pretty snazzy, huh?"

And finally, there's Bubba the Love Sponge, for saying via Twitter "I say fuck Haiti! Why do we have to take care of everybody our country is in shambles." I think his Twitter post speaks for itself, doesn't it? To be so callous in the face of such monumental destruction and suffering is fucking insane. That isn't "telling it like it is." It's just being a fucking douchebag.



In the runner up spot is NBC, for its behavior during the late night debacle over "The Tonight Show." I don't want to go on about this again (check out the Rants and Raves section above for more, just in case you didn't read it on your way down here) but I will say that this whole thing is NBC's fault. It's not Leno's fault, it's not Conan's fault, it's NBC's fault. Let them suffer the fucking consequences.



Next up is Brad Pitt, for skipping out on the Golden Globes show because he wasn't personally nominated for an acting award for Quentin Tarantino's "Inglourious Basterds." Well, so the fuck what if you weren't nominated for anything specifically, Brad. I'm sure Tarantino, Eli Roth (he looked like he was having a ball there. Has he ever been to the Globes before?), and the rest of the cast would have liked to have you there just in case the movie won. You are the fucking star of the movie, right? Seems kind of shitty for you not to be there. If you don't get an Oscar nomination but the movie gets a Best Picture nomination are you going to skip that show, too?



"I hate women, just like my Daddy."

And finally there's Kyle Petty, for his recent remarks concerning IRL Indycar star Danica Patrick's NASCAR stock car plans for 2010. According to Kyle, who no doubt got his first ride on pure talent and ambition (it certainly had nothing to do with the fact that he's the son of the "King" Richard Petty), Danica is just a marketing machine and she hasn't "proven herself in Indycars" and that if she doesn't win out of the box in ARCA or the Nationwide Series she'll have wasted someone else's opportunity in a top flight car. You wasted someone else's opportunity for at least fifteen years, Kyle. You won more races than Wally Dallenbach in your career, sure, but you also spent most of your NASCAR career just riding around the track, taking up space and getting in the way. I always thought that Kyle was smarter than his misogynist father, but apparently I was wrong. What exactly do you have against women, Kyle?

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IRL and NASCAR thoughts



The big news in the IRL Indycar world is Tony George's recent resignation from both the Indy Racing League and Hulman & Company, the entity that owns the Indianapolis Motor Speedway, meaning that George, the founder and creator of the IRL, is out of the Hulman family business and completely cut off from the family money. Also, according to both the Speed Channel and other sources, George's Vision IRL team recently lost its primary Menards sponsorship, meaning that the team will likely only compete at Indy and some of the other oval events unless other sponsorship can be found (good luck with that, Tony). So I think it's safe to say it's not good to be Tony George right now.

Without George's influence and presence on the IMS board and in the IRL, what happens to the Indycar series as a whole going into 2011? Is this the first of many bad events that will eventually destroy the series and the division? Who is there to take over?





Kevin Swindell managed to win the Chili Bowl midget race over the weekend, leading the last 26 laps to become the youngest winner in the history of the event that takes place every January in Tulsa, Oklahoma. I have no idea if it was a good race or not because I didn't see it, which, to me, is fucking stupid. The Chili Bowl is one of the biggest races of the year, with drivers from several different racing disciplines attempting to qualify for the 50 lap A-main over four nights of preliminary qualifying events. Why the fuck isn't this race on live TV every year, either on Speed or Versus or on pay-per-view? It just makes no sense.

Same thing for the Knoxville Nationals Sprint Car race, which will not be shown live on Speed this year. Producing the show live "just costs too much." Yeah, it probably does cost quite a bit of money to produce, but what the heck ever happened to all of that "need" for national exposure? When did that need go away? Again, it just makes no sense.

Only a few more weeks until the start of Speedweeks at Daytona. Just an FYI in case you didn't know.

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That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

"(Brian walks in)

Brian: Hey Doc, what the hell are you doing here?

Doctor: Your family has something to say.

Meg (reading from a piece of paper): Brian, I know I don't speak up much, and it's really hard for me to talk about my feelings, but -

Doctor : Why don't we start with someone more interesting...Peter?"

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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