The Hollywood 5 & 1 01.30.10: Hollywood Damage Control
Posted by Steve Gustafson on 01.30.2010
Jay Leno stops by Oprah to fix his image! Brittany Murphy's husband wants the studio to pay! Elin Nordegren impersonated Tiger Woods to get answers! And what Jersey Shore cast member was too classy for Jerry Springer? Plus, Nigella Lawson and Christina Hendricks meet in an epic VS., 5 things about Jesse Jane, Lynda Carter is our "& 1" Model of the Week, and I ask the question, "Did Kim Kardashian have plastic surgery?" All this and more inside!
BEFORE WE BEGIN...
Hey! I'm Steve Gustafson and this is the place to get your fill of celebrity gossip, pictures of lovely ladies, and my attempt at smooth banter. I read through the many, many, many tabloid magazines and gossip sites so you don't have to. You can use what you learn here to impress girls. No more lonely nights, ya'll!
I was going to give you a breakdown of my week, point by point, with the emails from PRO-Leno fans and NBC apologists. From the message boards to facebook, it's been a funny experience. But the whole situation has reached the tipping point and I'm already covering it below. If you really, really, really want to know, hit me up at stevethegoose@gmail.com or at www.facebook.com/stevegustafson.
Are you getting sick of me yet? Let's see: Monday:Big Screen Bulletin. The best way to start the week and get your fill of movie news, box office results, and other randomness! Wednesday:The Silicon Valley 10 & 1. Already the talk of the Game section! The perfect blend of gaming and pop culture! Friday:The TV/Movies Top 5. Funny enough I wasn't able to participate this week. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't read it anyway! Great stuff! Saturday & Sunday:The Hollywood 5 & 1. Hey! That's what you're reading right now! Tell a friend!
Plus assorted Fact or Fictions, Roundtables, reviews, and interviews.
Let's get it started! Oh, this is for...you know who...
THE HALL OF SHAME COMMENTBAG!
Time to give some shine to YOU, the good reading people. And your comments. While I won't be doing this every week, last week there were some gems that I wanted to share. But not in just any old comment area. I'm opening the doors to the HALL OF SHAME COMMENTBAG!
I post this column on Friday night and try to take a peek at it on Saturday, just to get reaction and have a hearty laugh at some of your comments. Some of them are hilarious. I'm going to start doing a better job responding and showcasing some of them here. Last week was another awesome week of comments. I don't know but it seems to me that I have a pretty good bunch reading out there. Not like those morons in the Wrestling section.
A big thanks to Jason Douglas for his questions to Nigella Lawson. I received a few other in the inbox and they have been sent to the proper people. Let's cross our fingers. Unfortunately I won't be able to use Mortal Sin's. He knows why.
JBL made a great point when he said, "Craig Ferguson love... finally. Oh and that pictures offensive to Donkeys."
You are absolutely right. I apologize to any donkey that was shown that picture. I think this week is an improvement. Guest#6936 outed himself when he said, "Her mom raised her well enough to think Spencer Pratt was a good catch, I don't think anything she's going to say will change her." If you'd seen Season 4 of The HIlls, you would know that Heidi's Mom was worried that Spencer was manipulating Heidi against her - and told him so over lunch." GOTCHA! Actually, I reported that, so I should have known. Good point, sir. Or madame.
The response to the question: Who was your first pop culture crush made me cuss! Thank you! All these selections will be seen in an upcoming VS. So be on the lookout and let's take a look!
The always hilarious and poignant paco smith said, "Poor Goose, you're gonna have a lot of comments lol My first childhood pop culture crush is Melissa Gilbert from Little House on the Prairie. Sounds kinda lame now :) Are you kidding? Not lame at all! Look how popular Big Love is and they rock the same outfits. Zingy answered, "Either Daphne from Scooby Doo or Jessica Rabbit. I remember seeing Who Framed Roger Rabbit? in the theater and I was seven years old. When Jessica came out and started singing I think I was acutely aware of why I was given a penis: to have it stiffen up whenever a curvy woman with huge breasts showed up." Well said! Well said! GeeSpotter has a nice double feauture saying, "First pop culture crush? Hmmmmm...that's a tough one. I think it would have to be Punky Brewster. She would later be trumped by Kelly Kapowski (Tiffany Amber Thiesen)." Now THAT is a solid VS. if I ever saw one! chAd_b said, "First pop culture crush would be Olivia Newton John when I saw Grease." and Guest#0406 said, "!st crush... Linda Carter; Wonder Woman.' Another pair I wouldn't mind seeing more of. nrh added his pick with, "As for first crush does Daphne from Scooby Doo count? When she was hypnotized and was wearing that purple tutu, it made me feel funny in my swimsuit area. Of course it counts! Animation can touch us all where it counts! The messy Spaghett said, "My first celebrity crush was probably Christina Applegate. Kelly Bundy FTW!!!" She is one who has remained a constant through the years, getting better with age! Angry Bear roared. "Kristy McNichol!" Nice call! Man, she really fell off, didn't she. Then we come to Big Fat Fag. I suppose I need to do a VS. match up for him in the future. But who match up with his choice of, "First crush - Scott Baio. I do-ah the cha-cha for Chachi!"? Hope you liked the picture above, big guy. Guest#2675 answered, "nicole eggert from charles in charge and allysa milano from whos the boss" Wow! That's another duo that would be hard to pick one over another. SNM said, "From Full House, Stephanie/Jodie Sweetin. The feeling is embedded in my brain.", while Denton56 said, "I don't know if it was my first crush, but winnie cooper off the Wonder Years was a biggy.". Both respectable choices. MadLinerator took it down south saying, "Daisy Duke! Look at that girl with them daisy dukes on! 1st pop culture crush...."Jason Douglas made a case, "Diane Parkinson from The Price is Right." While Guest#5890 suggested, "Jenna Von Oy from Blossom." Two interesting picks came from Guest#1622 saying, "First crush: Justine Bateman - Mallory off of Family Ties. Her or April O'Neil from the TMNT cartoon... mm, yellow jumpsuits.. and Anymus echoed with his pick of, "April O Neal from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles." ZERO said, "First pop culture crush: Debbie Gibson" I have to agree with that one. Out of the blue, indeed! Juan gave me a stacked answer saying, "First celebrity crush was the spice girls..." The great, great, great Todd Vote or 411mania fame came double barrelled saying, "First Crush? Alyssa Milano. No question about it. Or Kelly Kapowski..." NICE! OldSchool4Life gave us a happy ending by saying, "Definitely Lynda Carter for first crush, she could tie me up with her Magic Lasso anytime!"
ZERO made a couple of points saying, "Steve, that cracks me up that you were banned from the NBC Facebook page. So much for you getting Carson Daly's job...Speaking of Carson, I know that his show has become a joke even among the late night crew, but what's up with him? Did he even say anything regarding the NBC controversy, or did he just keep it quiet and hope to stay on the air a few more years?" Carson has played it pretty quiet. At this point his show is either a repeat or mostly a music act. Funny enough, I like Carson. He "gets it" and really appreciates good music. Plus, he's a huge supporter of the military and all around nice guy. Oh, and since we are talking about late night hosts. Jimmy Fallon is not as bad as people would have you believe. He's making the effort and pretty funny if you give him a chance. The real dark horse is Craig Ferguson. Slow and steady wins the race and I think he'll be a real force to reckon with down the line. Honestly, I never thought he would have last, but he's impressed a lot of people. Alright...
DANCE! (With respect and copyright to Stephen Randle)
WHO SAID WHAT? "Where I come from, we believe in something we call a 40-day break after the baby. You have to let your body do its own thing. You give it time to recover and let everything settle down. In a way, it is nice. There is not so much pressure. You kind of respect all the hard work your body has just done and give it a break. For these 40 days you really take it easy. By that I mean no sex, light, healthy food, no trips to the gym. Then, after 40 days, you are good to go."
Camila Alves, girlfriend to Matthew McConaughey, is having him suffer for six weeks of forced chastity. She is in recovery from the birth of their daughter Vida. Congrats to both of them.
Don't worry Matt. It will be so worth it.
VS
This week in VS. comes a power pairing if I ever saw one. WILL THE 5 & 1 SURVIVE? When these two come together...I just don't know. Hey, thanks to reader Zingy who asked, "Okay, 411Mania, who's hotter: Nigella Lawson or Christina Hendricks? I mean, seriously, how can a guy choose?" And even The Great Capt. Smooth joined in saying, "Steve, thanks for using the idea! Even though she isn't on the ballot, can I write in Christina Hendricks?"
So here...we...go! If they were both standing in front of you, who would you pick? The woman from Mad Men or the Queen of food porn?
Christina HendricksVS.Nigella Lawso
VOTE BELOW!
CELEBRITY TWITTER-A-GO-GO! Kim Kardashian 'leaked" pictures of herself posing in swimwear before the photo shoot was even over. Must have been a slow news day. "At a photo shoot w @NickSaglimbeni HOT HOT HOT! Not even retouched yet!," she tweeted with a series of pictures of herself in a tiger-print bikini. Does she look...different to you? It might be the angle. It might be that it's untouched. But her nose looks different. You would think if she had surgery, it would have come out already. What do you think?
5 THINGS ABOUT JESSE JANE!
If she's not the biggest adult film star right now, she's in the running. She's made the leap from adult film to mainstream and back again! Let's get to know Jesse Jane a little bit better, shall we?
1. Jane read an article about Tera Patrick which said that Patrick worked for Digital Playground. She contacted them and was quickly signed to a contract. Now that's FAST service. 2. On the July 26, 2006 episode of The Tonight Show with Jay Leno during the "Jay Walking" segment, she gave her name as "Cindy", and said that she currently worked at Hooters. WINK. 3. Jane co-hosts the live, internet-based, adult industry talk show DP Tonight. 4. She's a family woman! In 2000, Jane gave birth to a boy and she is married to fellow adult actor Rick Patrick. 5. In 2004, she had a hysterectomy due to now dormant cervical cancer.
And now you know...
I've met her twice and no picture captures her awesome spirit! A truly cool gal.
VIDEO-O-GO-GO
I'm sure all of us have had some sort of stage fright some point in our life. Be it at a school play, a musical, or giving a speech in class. But this guy takes the cake! I don't even know what he's trying to say but the results are hilarious. Watch it till the end!
Alright, let's get to the actual Hollywood 5 & 1. I go through 5 things out of Hollywood this past week that made me scratch my head plus our "& 1" Model of the Week! Let's go!
O...Brother!
Did you catch Jay Leno on Oprah? Did it work? Did NBC win you back? Are lining up to suckle at the corporate teet? OK, maybe I'm taking it too far, but I thought it was fugazi. Shame on Leno and Oprah for that blatant show. For those who missed it, Jay told Winfrey that, "It had nothing to do with me," speaking about NBC's decision to reinstall him as the host of The Tonight Show, leaving Conan O'Brien out of a job. "There's always someone waiting in the wings in this business to take your job. If you're not doing the numbers, they move on. Pretty simple," he told her. This interview is the first that Leno has granted since the fiasco, and although he didn't lay into NBC in his late-night monologues the way O'Brien did, he was a bit more candid with Winfrey. "Anything [NBC] did would have been better than this," he said during the interview. "If they'd come in and shot everybody, it would've been, 'oh the people were murdered,' but it would've been only a two-day story. This was a huge mess." But finally, Leno said, the plan NBC proposed, of moving O'Brien back half an hour to 12:05 a.m. to make room for a half hour of The Jay Leno Show, was financial, not personal. "It all comes down to numbers in show business," Leno said. "This is the perfect storm of bad things happening. NBC had two hit shows, and you move them both to another situation. What are the odds that they both do extremely poorly? If Conan's numbers had been higher, this wouldn't have happened." Winfrey was frank about her surprise that so much of America has taken sides in the network's debacle, with many facing off against Leno. Did he believe he was taking away O'Brien's dream? "No, I didn't think that I was taking away Conan's dream," Leno said. "This was an affiliate decision. It's a matter of dollars and cents. They only asked me to come back after Conan turned down the deal." Blah, blah, blah. Oprah tried to lead him in the interview to appear contrite but he never "got it". He just barreled through it, contradicting himself and trying to appear like the victim, when it just wasn't the case.
Leno went on to say he told a "white lie" about retiring, inviting Conan onto his show, and saying the public doesn't know how television works. BULL. This past week I've been on several message boards, received hate mail from member of the Jay Leno Fan Club because I used Leno's own quotes to show he's a liar and two-faced. It's important to remember that. Look, Jay knows he's in the wrong and doing spin control. The subject is starting to dim, but it will be interesting where the public falls when he takes the stage again.
Want to let Jeff Zucker, the head of NBC know how's he doing at his job? Email him at jeff.zucker@nbc.com or 212-664-2830
Tiger Tales
Remember when this was THE. BIGGEST. STORY? I bet all involved were like, "THANKS NBC!" Now more details have come out to add a little sizzle to that steak. A suspicious Elin Nordegren set events in motion on the night of Tiger Woods's fateful car crash by pretending to be her husband in texts to his alleged mistress Rachel Uchitel, a new report claims. Citing information from two unnamed Nordegren acquaintances, The Daily Beast is offering a new account of just what happened in the early morning hours of November 27. Man, has it really been that long? Among the claims:
• That Tiger had Elin talk to Uchitel on the phone before the affair was reported in the National Enquirer to convince her the relationship was platonic. Interesting strategy.
• That Elin confirmed her lingering suspicions on the night of the car crash by texting Uchitel and impersonating her husband, and then calling Uchitel after she texted back. POINT: ELIN! The ole switch-a-roo! Nicely done Elin. Mama didn't raise no fool!
• That Tiger had taken Ambien and was in a stupor when Elin woke him by screaming at him. Up until that point, he was living the life! He had his stable of ladies in check, some Ambien to get relaxed, all his endorsements pumping along...man.
• That Tiger texted Uchitel soon after his wife woke him up, and that Elin also found this text and chased Tiger out of the house. And that started the dominoes falling.
The report also says Elin is waiting until Woods finishes any rehab treatment he's undergoing before making a final decision about a divorce. A source close to Uchitel, who did not speak to Uchitel specifically about this night in question, told People that the events as described above sound highly plausible, knowing Uchitel. Tiger got out-played by his wife. Lesson learned: Clean out your text cache. Don't leave your phone out. And go easy on that Ambien.
Somewhere there is a reality show in this.
658. My new favorite number.
Can I tell you something? I meant to mention this last week but I am so proud of you. And by you, I mean those of you who stood up to crap and said, "NO!" Heidi Montag released her debut album to a record setting number. In its first week of release Superficial sold less than 1,000 copies, according to Nielsen Soundscan. In fact, sources say the album old only 658 downloads. To be honest, I could sell 658 albums. Seriously. That means money might be tight for the reality personality. Between plastic surgery and her album, she's running low. She told Entertainment Weekly that she went broke making Superficial but thought that "within the first week, we will definitely make our money back." She went on to say, "I put every dollar I have into this. I've spent over $1 million, almost $2 million, on this album. It's cost as much or more than a Britney Spears album because I wanted it to be that quality...The songs will make an impact in pop history." $2 MILLION? Really? And when did Britney become a level of quality?
From singing to surgery. Montag has reportedly been receiving hate mail following her recent plastic surgery revelations. She confessed earlier this month that she is "obsessed" by cosmetic surgery, has been left stunned by the volume of criticism her comments have provoked. Not surprisingly, husband and all around douche Spencer Pratt is believed to be standing by her. A source told Life & Style: "Spencer ordered about seven bunches of flowers to cheer up Heidi because she'd received a letter or an email saying that her plastic surgery was against God's will. Heidi's apparently very spiritual, so this kind of criticism really stings. She looks like Cat Lady, it's all a little too much. Spencer loved how Heidi looked before this surgery." The insider added: "Because she's still swollen and the surgery hasn't settled yet, he's a bit shocked." Look, he's not going anywhere. The two added together equals zero talent so if they separated he'd take a job being Joe Francis's fluffer.
I wonder who the 658 were? Shame on them.
Last week I was in the wrong in showing a picture of a donkey. I think I nailed it this week. What say you?
Hollywood Closure.
Just remember, when you point the finger at someone else, you have 3 more pointed at you. Brittany Murphy died on December 20, and her husband feels someone...must...pay! Seriously, this is a sad story. Although the official cause of death has yet to be announced pending toxicology test results, Simon Monjack is ready to point fingers at Warner Bros., which fired the actress from the sequel to Happy Feet just two weeks before her death. "They killed her," he told The Daily Beast. And now, Monjack says, he's just days away from filing a wrongful-death lawsuit against the studio. Both Monjack and the Murphy's mother, Sharon, insist Murphy had a heart attack directly caused by the stress of being released from the animated film, which left her "devastated." It didn't help that one month beforehand, Murphy was let go from The Caller. Murphy's release was reportedly due to her and Monjack being difficult on the Puerto Rico set. But he insists the so-called difficulty was merely him protecting his wife. "Reports about the Puerto Rican set are fantasy," he insists. "I was never, ever drunk there. What I did do was demand they follow union rules and after she worked 12-hour days, six days a week, that she get the breaks she was entitled to…Warner Bros. relied on conjecture and hearsay about the Puerto Rico film for why they cancelled Brittany's role in Happy Feet. You're disposable as an actress or actor." While I agree that actors can be treated like cattle, it's no worse than a boss micromanaging you in your cubicle. And a husband should look for his wife's best interest. But a number of people say he was out of line, and this was from 2 projects. While I feel for his loss, this isn't the answer to get his closure.
Murphy and Monjack out and about.
Who's Too Classy For Who? Jersey Shore. Sadly, they almost...ALMOST make the cast of The Hill's palatable. Looks like they are letting the success of their first season balloon their already fat heads. Snooki, the one...does it matter who she is on the show? Snooki reportedly refused to meet Jerry Springer, saying she was "too classy" for him. Does she even watch the show? Who is she kidding? She would couldn't class up a dumpster.
Welcome back to the & 1 Model of the Week! Where we search this thing called the internet to find a lovely lady to appreciate in all her beauty.
How beautiful is she? She's so entwined with Wonder Woman that it's almost impossible to cast someone for a movie. They won't be able to match up! The & 1 Model of the Week brings us...Lynda Carter!
Ladies and Gentlemen, I present...Lynda Carter!
Back then, these poses were risque!
I believe she's still in Maryland. Whenever I've driven past her place I always cross my fingers!
Stop back next week for another & 1 Model of the Week!
Before I say GOODBYE!
I would be remiss if I didn't mention some of the other OUTSTANDING articles on www.411mania.com. You would be doing yourself a disservice if you didn't peep around the site. I always get my daily habit of reading. Here's a small sample!
Have you ordered Excelsior! yet? 411mania's very own George Sirois has penned what many are already calling THE book of 2010. Sending in your deposit early not only guarantees you a personally autographed copy of this book, but it also guarantees your name will be printed in the acknowledgements section in the back of the book. Who doesn't want to see their name live forever? Don't be the one missing out when you go to pick it up and you hear the words, "Sold out."
Finally, if you have some down time and are looking for a great place for great fun, check out Tiger Flash Games!
Do you have something to say? A celebrity story? Juicy gossip? Shoot me an email at stevethegoose@gmail.com. Thanks again and be safe out there. And just chill...till the next episode...
When not writing for www.411mania.com, Steve Gustafson is taking the most patient girlfriend in the world out to eat!
All pictures courtesy of www.people.com, TMZ.com, www.cnn.com, and www.imdb.com.
Posted By: Guest#3543 (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 11:22 PM
Damn you Goose!!! You met Tera Patrick and Jesse Jane?!? You lucky son of a bitch!! lol I "accidentqally" ran across their work on the internet, all I can say is goddamn!! For VS I'd pick Christina. Great column man, always a fun read.
Posted By: paco smith (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 11:47 PM
That kid in the video looks like the one who tried to give a rose to Megan Fox lol
Posted By: paco smith (Guest) on January 29, 2010 at 11:54 PM
Christina Hendricks
Posted By: Assholejunkie (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 12:04 AM
It's Christina (Mrs. Cal Reynolds) for the win!
Posted By: Uncle Jason (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 12:37 AM
Mal. Sorry about that.
Posted By: Uncle Jason (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 12:37 AM
Ok so I had NOOOO idea (until last week) that Christina Hendricks was married to the guy from fucking Super Troopers and Garden State....
Luckiest. Fucker. Ever.
Posted By: Erik... (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 01:08 AM
Thanks for the pic, Steve, of Scott Baio shirtless. But, how did you know I wanted that so badly.
He is yummy!
Posted By: Ser Drake (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 01:15 AM
Nigella.
Posted By: Jake G (Registered) on January 30, 2010 at 05:06 AM
As far as VS. goes, I'd have to be with each one in order to properly judge.(and then I'd run off with Kim Kardashian)
Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 08:10 AM
I like Lynda Carter a lot.
Posted By: Ant-LOX (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 08:46 AM
HOT REDHEADS
Yes, you read it right which means Christina Hendricks.
Nigella doesn't appeal to me at all
Posted By: slurper (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 09:25 AM
Nigella wins VS for me. She's the total package and overall most desirable woman I've ever seen. Hendricks is hot but what can she do in the kitchen?
Lynda Carter's piercing blue eyes were spectacular, as well as the rest of her. Goose, you might want to ask the readers who the best woman for the role would be today. On appearance alone, Lauren Graham would be my choice.
Posted By: Jason Douglas (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 02:19 PM
Gonna go with Christina Hendricks this week.
Posted By: Charles (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 03:48 PM
Snooki can do whatever Snooki wants. Springer's yesterday's news anyway, nobody cares.
Posted By: MBD (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 04:19 PM
Christina Hendricks easily.
Posted By: r_number6 (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 11:35 PM
Thanks for using my idea, Steve!
After giving it hours of thought, including the use of photographs and some alone time in the bathroom, I finally settled on...Nigella Lawson. Christina Hendricks is so damn hot it pains me to make her 2nd place, but Nigella has that whole MILF/cougar thing going. She looks like she could teach me a thing or two and I'd love to make her feel young again. I'm sure she'd enjoy all 22 seconds of the lovin' I'd give her!
Posted By: Zingy (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 11:39 PM
I choose Linda Carter
Posted By: Silvio (Guest) on January 30, 2010 at 11:55 PM
I was all set to say Christina by a mile, but now that I see a picture of Nigella I'll say Christine by a few hundred feet.
Posted By: Rageforthemachine (Guest) on January 31, 2010 at 01:45 AM
I love redheads!!
Christina Hendricks for the win!
Posted By: fat balding guy (Guest) on January 31, 2010 at 09:16 AM
Am I th only one getting sick of seeing Kim Kardasian wherever I fucking go?
Our society is fucked up when we lavish luxury on someone underserving just because they are physically attractive.
For fucks sake.
Posted By: Guest#3965 (Guest) on January 31, 2010 at 02:43 PM
Hendricks, and I truly hate you for making a situation where I would have to reject Nigella. God damn you to hell, Steve.
... Wait, what am I saying? I CHOOSE BOTH.
Posted By: The Tortoise King (Registered) on January 31, 2010 at 04:59 PM
snooki is laughing all the way to the bank cuz you douchebags, includind cnn, are all talking about it. what the fuck is snooki doing on cnn?
Posted By: pjl (Guest) on January 31, 2010 at 06:56 PM
I'm going with Nigella.. she makes my candy cane point up!
Jay Leno has been a douche through this whole thing. While I do understand that he didn't want to leave the Tonight Show, then he should have said as much. If they didn't like it, then he should have went somewhere else. Like Letterman said, you don't hang around after you leave.
Posted By: Santa (Registered) on February 01, 2010 at 02:57 AM
Damn you Steve... I was digging Nigella until you had to put her up against the Games Top 5 Spokeswoman. Hendricks by 30 or 40 miles.
Posted By: Todd Vote (Registered) on February 01, 2010 at 11:29 AM
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