Ten Deep 2.04.10: The Top Ten Movie/TV Casts That Would Make Great Football Teams

Posted by Mike Gorman on 02.04.2010

Which Movie and TV casts have what it takes to be successful on the gridiron? It’s Superbowl week and Mike Gorman is going to show you which characters he thinks would best translate to the field in today’s Ten Deep.

The Superbowl is coming up this weekend so even the most diehard movie fan's thoughts shift from the big screen to the field. I wanted to find a way to meld these two passions of mine without producing another clichéd "Best Football Movies Ever" list. After a few days of brainstorming I found myself with a great big list of ideas that had been done to death and a small, yet interesting list of unique takes. What follows is my homage to the Superbowl and in a way, is my ultimate Fantasy Football league.

"The Top Ten Movie/TV Casts That Could Be Football Teams"

That's right. In this week's Ten Deep I am going to attempt to find ten groups of characters from either the big or little screens that could make great football teams. Would they actually win games against a professional team? Possibly. Do they exhibit the characteristics of a good football team? Definitely.

The casts listed below exemplify teamwork in many ways. They may have a strong leader who calls the plays in their action or they might together compose a powerful wall that would defend even the widest end zone. For each cast I will assign a team name that I think is most appropriate.

Theodore Roosevelt once said, "In life, as in a football game, the principle to follow is: Hit the line hard." The ten groups listed below personify that action; whether they are defending their civilization, saving a world that hates them, or ripping off a Vegas casino.




10. New Moon

Now please stay with me for a moment on this one. I can already hear you warming up your keyboards to unleash hell on me for including anything from the Twilight series on a positive top ten list but this time I think it fits perfectly. The "Wolfpack" in New Moon would be the perfect football team. They have enhanced speed, strength, senses and they can even read each others' thoughts. Imagine a team on the field that works in concert as one, yet covers the entire line. When one is in trouble, the others are there to help immediately. They would redefine what it means to be a team. They also would draw a whole new fan base to the sport I am sure. The same crowd that a pretty boy like Tom Brady (who is also an amazing QB, don't get me wrong) brings to the sport with his appearances in modeling ads. As far as a team name goes, I think the reviews of the movie made this one for me. They would be the Seattle Wolfpack.




9. Police Academy

As a movie series and on the field, the cast of Police Academy defines the word franchise. Not only do they have their original strong players like the wise cracking Mahoney, the tightly wound Tackleberry and the unstoppable brick house Hightower, but they have about 5 sequels worth of people they could bring in at any time. Need a wall to protect the QB, check out the enormous Tommy "House" Conklin played by Tab Thacker in Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol. He could clearly handle 4 or 5 guys himself. Want to kill your opposing team with comedic bits, suit up the sound effects machine Michael Winslow. Time and time again they are a team that proved that they could come together when it counted and show people that they could truly succeed. They are the team that would stage a huge comeback in the 4th quarter. They would be the Academy Rejects.




8. The A-Team

The decisive leadership skills of Hannibal. The chaotic impulses of Murdock. The cool, collected calm of Face. The strength and guts of BA Barracus. Take your pick. All would contribute equally if they were to take their skills and apply them on the gridiron. The introduction to their show reminded you that if you were lucky enough to find them, they would save you. The A-Team crew rebelled against the status quo and the machine of government in order to protect people. They are definitely willing to make the sacrifices necessary to make their team win. There is an unpredictability to their energy that would make them extremely interesting to watch on the field. The other team would not know what hit them. As they were a group of crazy mercenaries, I dub them the Mad Mercs.




7. Red Dawn

You may consider this selection to be somewhat of a cheat because several of the high school students who made up the rebel Wolverines in this classic 80s film were members of their football team. I disagree. They made the list because this group went far above and beyond the call of duty for high school athletes. They put a dent into the Communist invasion of the US. The ultimate underdogs, this group led by Patrick Swayze's Jed Eckert survived much longer than anyone thought they would putting to use the survival skills they learned from their parents. The film even has a scene reminiscent of a coach's rallying half time speech when Jed and his brother see their father in one of the internment camp. He demands they avenge him, and that they do. The easy way out here would be to just let them remain the Wolverines, so instead I will highlight their locale and call them the Colorado Claws.




6. Reservoir Dogs

Clearly the consummate in cool, the colorful theives of Reservoir Dogs are not afraid to dig their heels in and get their hands dirty when needed. And while not exactly the text book definition of team, the Dogs exhibit a true sense of structured madness. They are willing to get the job done when others might turn tail and run. What this "team" also brings to the table is an abiding sense of distrust in each other that keeps them on their toes. They dislike each other so much that they might actually work out as a team on the field. Ok, I'll be honest. I don't think they could pull it together to win a game but they would definitely be the most stylish team in the league and they would also give the media some of the best sound bites you've ever heard thanks to their Tarantino dialogue. They are the L.A. Canines.




5. Saving Private Ryan

If the football field is indeed a battlefield than one need look no further than the men of Saving Private Ryan to find the best battalion to fill out the offense. Putting it in plainer terms, if Pvt. Ryan is the football, than Tom Hanks is the quarterback who will ensure the right plays are called to get him to the goal, his home. With guys like Ed Burns, Barry Pepper and Vin Diesel watching his six and clearing a path, you know that their victory is inevitable. This is a movie about heart and the perseverance of the human spirit, two themes that are echoed weekly in football games across the country. The stakes are definitely higher for Hanks and crew but their palpable intensity could be a decisive weapon in a stadium. There is a haunting, gritty realism to Saving Private Ryan that I think would make even the toughest of opponents a cake walk. Their uniforms would proclaim them the Stormin' Troopers.




4. X-Men

Of all the groups on this list the mutants of the Xavier Academy are probably the only ones known for seeing the value in practicing their skills. The two-a-days of a football program would pale in comparison to an omega level threat set up in the Danger Room. A true team, each member of the X-Men has a special power that makes them an invaluable asset. Cyclops, the teams leader, is a master tactician who knows all about angles from using his red force beams. Colossus is the supreme linebacker made of metal, he cannot be taken down. Jean Grey can see the opposing teams moves as they think them relaying these thoughts to her entire group. She could also come in handy as a telekinetic steering the ball without even touching it. Even if they hid their powers from their opponents, can you imagine what it would be like to kick against them? The ball would never make it to the goal posts. There is also something to be said for their ability to handle fans turning on them. They are the team that fights to protect a world that hates them after all. Yes, the NY Mutations would have quite the interesting line up.




3. The Thundercats

Is there a better rallying cry out there than the one employed by the Royal family of Thundera, aka The Thundercats? They would race onto a field to cheers of "Thunder! Thunder! Thundercats Ho!" Well, maybe it doesn't look that great typed out but trust me, in person I am sure it would be impressive. The Thundercats are led by the young, brash Lion-O. He is the hot headed rookie with all the potential but lacking the finesse of his seasoned team. A team made up of the sturdy and reliable Panthro, the quick and agile Cheetarah, the oddly young Wiley Kit and Kat, and the evasive, some might say invisible, and centered Tigra. They even have a built in mascot in the form of the annoying Snarf. They made this list not only for their athletic skills but the fact that they personify a deeper level of team than most. They are a family, a royal lineage. They come bearing destiny, ready to shoulder the responsibility of building a sports dynasty. They would be the New Thundera Omens.




2. Ocean's 11

If building a great team is truly about putting together the pieces of a puzzle, a well thought out puzzle, than Danny Ocean is the man you want at the helm. Ocean knows that he much fill each slot with someone who is the best at what they do, taking into account skill, natural talent and experience. If you look at his eleven you will see a group that varies widely in age. He knows that seasoned vets and untried rookies can strike a balance together to achieve greatness. And let's be honest, in each version of this film the deck is stacked with A list players. The Ocean's 11 team is the ultimate version of a pro-bowl. With Brad Pitt, Elliott Gould, Bernie Mac, Matt Damon, Andy Garcia and Julia Roberts in the starting line up, the Vegas High Rollers would be quite the cast to take on.


And lastly…




1. 300

Talking about forces to be reckoned with, all it would take is to tell King Leonidas once that his team could not possibly win the Superbowl and we would be in for one hell of a season. Three hundred Spartans stood their ground against one million Persians at the Battle of Thermopylae. Calling that the tale of underdog would be the understatement of the millennium. Yes, in the end, they did lay down their lives for their nation but just think about that for a second, they entered into this fight knowing that the deck was stacked so high against them that they could not possible be victorious but still they stood on their principles and put up a fight that is still spoken of centuries later. Standing before the team, Leonidas would be a better motivational speaker than Vince Lombardi and Knute Rockne combined. With lines like "Remember this day, men, for it will be yours for all time" and "In the end, a Spartan's true strength is the warrior next to him. So give respect and honor to him, and it will be returned to you" he would inevitably command the highest coach's salary in history. In my estimation, this great fantasy season I have assembled today would belong to the Mighty Spartans, hands down.




Did your idea of a great team not make my list? Well suck it up football fan, my Patriots didn't make the Superbowl this year either but you don't see me whining about it… much.

Before you go, please bookmark http://www.411mania.com. Are you using Twitter? You can follow me and 411mania's zones on these pages:

twitter.com/Mykelogan
twitter.com/411mania
twitter.com/411wrestling
twitter.com/411moviestv
twitter.com/411music
twitter.com/411games
twitter.com/411mma