A Fool's Utopia 2.04.10: The Mount Rushmore of Sitcoms

Posted by Ron Martin on 02.04.2010

This week in one man's utopia we take a look at who would be on the Mt. Rushmore of sitcoms should such a structure exist. On top of that we discuss the Best Picture category taking on ten movies, Ellen on Idol and the respective halftime shows of the Super Bowl and NBA All Star Game. Most importantly of all -- a bunch of football team songs from the 1980s with videos! Whoo!

There's a certain kind of fad going around right now. People like to refer to the Mt. Rushmore of things. For example, the Mt. Rushmore of NFL QBs would be Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, Drew Brees and the fourth one is usually the one that's debatable. It's the "in" thing for now. We all know I'm a whore for anything that make vague reference to former Presidents' heads etched in stone, so I'm not immune to this particular fad. I'll probably use this format again if some other writer doesn't steal it from me first, but to keep in focus with my last few weeks of rantings, I give to you the MT RUSHMORE OF SITCOMS.

1. LUCILLE BALL



This was probably the easiest entry onto the mountain. Lucy gets this spot as much for her impact on the business as I Love Lucy. Lucy was a great show and an undebatable TV treasure, but Lucille Ball paved the way for the strong woman lead (and wife) that we are still seeing in shows today. Lucy blazed the path for the female centric sitcom or even the nagging hot wife of the suburban overweight buffoon – even is Desi wasn't overweight and they didn't live in the suburbs until the last couple of seasons. Lucy was the first head of a production company (DesiLu studios) having bought her husband out of the company they formed together. Lucy used her show to pioneer several new filming techniques that acted as the impetus for the next wave of TV technology. Add into that the first high profile on air pregnancy, interracial marriage and innovative comedy and as I said, she is the only real no-brainer. Her red hair, loud whining and crazy antics have become parody fodder for everything from sitcoms to stand up acts to music videos. Hell, she even survived being accused of communism during the McCarthy trials.

2. JACKIE GLEASON



Of the four I've chosen, this may be the most debatable, the Teddy Roosevelt of the group. While Gleason had several short lived television roles, he is obviously best known for his portrayal of Ralph Kramden on The Honeymooners. He made the character and the series so iconic that there is a statue of Ralph standing in the middle of Grand Central Station in New York City. Ralph is one of several sitcom icons that TVLand deemed worthy enough for such a statue (others being Andy Griffith, Samantha Stevens and Mary Richards). Ralph Kramden has become such an iconic figure that phrases like "To the moon!" and "Baby, you're the greatest" have become household mainstays. Even more amazing when you consider The Honeymooners main run was only 39 epsiodes. In the annals of sitcom lore, Ralph Kramden is a top five character and for that, Jackie Gleason deserves a spot on the Mt. Rushmore of sitcoms.

3. BOB NEWHART



This is the overlooked member of the group, the Thomas Jefferson if you will. Unlike the other two entries, Newhart didn't blaze a trail or give us unforgettable characters that have become household names – unless you consider that he blazed a trail for soft spoken, stammering dry comedians everywhere. How's Bob's resume read? Two different decades, two different shows, two different characters, two different success stories. When an actor has two different successful shows it's usually because the character he portrays has gotten a spinoff series complete with history and main character already intact. Newhart portrayed Bob Hartley, a psychologist, on The Bob Newhart Show for six seasons in the 70s. In came the 80s and Bob focused on Newhart Dick Louden, a how-to writer who owned a small bed and breakfast in Vermont. Though both shows kind of intermixed in the brilliant final episode of Newhart, Bob took two distinct shows with different casts in very different time periods and made them both a success. Few can brag the same resume.

4. BILL COSBY



I could make some sort of joke about Bill being the Abraham Lincoln since he freed black people (as did Bill in his own way), but I'll just say that Honest Abe is the only one left, so it's not a hard decision. Perhaps it's the nostalgia factor kicking in for me, but The Cosby Show ruled the middle 80s. It was the first show of note to focus on a successful black family. The Huxtables didn't struggle paycheck to paycheck in the inner city as most black urban sitcoms up to that point depicted. Cliff was a doctor. Claire was a lawyer. They had a huge place in New York, had a large family, schooling and enjoyed the finer things in life. Not only did it show a different possible outcome for black families, but it also showed a different possible outcome for wannabe black actors, producers, directors, etc. A predominantly black show dominated the ratings (sometimes with its spinoff sitting right behind it at second) that didn't involve violence, slang, poverty or any of the stereotypes hampering black TV at the time. The show was based on Cosby's stand up act – which didn't include a single curse word. Amazing.


OTHERS RECEIVING VOTES:

TED DANSON – Give some dap to the man that had two successful sitcoms built around him. While I think Cheers has an argument as the top sitcom to ever grace our screen, Becker just falls flat, thus the Ted Danson award goes to Bob Newhart.

CARROLL O'CONNER – Much is made of the Archie Bunk character that O'Conner portrayed and how All in the Family was like nothing else on TV at the time. I'm not going to argue against that and all the accolades the actor and show get are well deserved.

MARY TYLER MOORE – She really took the ball and ran with it, stealing scenes from Dick Van Dyke in The Dick Van Dyke Show before her own successful vehicle, The Mary Tyler Moore Show. Yeah, they weren't real creative with the show names back in the day.

DON KNOTTS – He's Don Knotts. ‘Nuff said.



IT CAME FROM MY IPOD



This week my IPOD celebrates the little rodent that comes out of a tree in some small town in Pennsylvania to tell us how much more snow we're supposed to get. Yes, with all the technology we have today, we still relay on a groundhog to predict the weather. As a great man in a great movie once said "IT'S GROUNDHOG'S DAY!!" Songs about the groundhog:

1. "The Sign" by Ace of Base
2. "Don't Damn Me" by Guns N Roses
3. "Suddenly I See" by KT Tunstell
4. "I Guess Your Right" by the Posies
5. "Fell on Black Days" by Soundgarded


FIVE RANDOM THOUGHTS


1. The Oscar nominations are out and there are ten (count ‘em) ten nominees for Best Picture. While any regular reader of this column understands I put next to nothing in award shows, I unfortunately am out on an island for this one. My take on the whole situation is "that's great, you're nominated for a little statue – how much money did you make in the box office?" Hollywood, however, has decided that little statuettes somehow translate into money (though this is not proven. For example see the career of Cuba Gooding Jr.). The reasoning to expand the "Best Picture" category to ten is to get some of these cinema darlings into the mix. I guess UP and District 9 wouldn't get consideration in a five movie category, so that's good for them. However, the consequences of such an action is now we will be pelted with a barrage of "Academy Award Nominated…" crap. It's much the same complaint I had of the Pro Bowl last week, if half the QBs in the AFC can call themselves Pro Bowl quarterbacks, is it really that special?

How screwed is UP? The nomination for Best Picture is a token nomination at best. The BEST ANIMATED FEATURE category is all but locked up by The Princess and the Frog. I'm sure there is some small technical category that the movie will get a statuette for, but it will anticlimactic.



2. Ellen DeGeneres is going to be the savior of American Idol -- as if it needed saving. All I've seen and heard in the last two weeks is the coming of Ellen to the show once it hits Hollywood. I don't watch American Idol. I said here a couple of weeks ago that without Simon the show is going to die a slow death. Now there's supposed animosity between Simon and Ellen. It's kind of amazing that here we are in 2010 and the ol' "false rumor of stars hating each other" still works.

Bottom line is this, what can Ellen actually bring to this show? To my knowledge, she has nothing to do with the music industry so what can she possibly offer? She'll be a strong presence, no doubt, but it will be a useless one. Though I don't watch the show, everyone I know who does has become disenchanted with the show. I would say the show is about to jump the shark, but I believe it already did that with the new judge that was added last season.


3. Paranormal Activity 2? Is this necessary? Did we learn nothing from The Blair Witch Project? It will only detract from the first film – which was good if not slightly overrated. Why even market the film as the potential to be real if you're going to totally undermine it by immediately announcing a sequel? Ridiculous.

4. This Sunday during halftime of a football game that I am hoping my Colts will have a healthy lead, The Who (or what's left of the original lineup) will take the stage. A little later in the month at the NBA All-Star game, Alicia Keys and Shakira will be trodded out on stage. Who got the steal here?

It could be that the major demographic of the average NFL viewer is 50+ or perhaps the NFL just gave up on a halftime show altogether letting all these other channels that do halftime shows steal their audience. Heaven forbid the NFL give the viewers good looking, talented singers or singers under the age of 60 for that matter. I understand that 100 years ago Janet Jackson's boob popped out, but really? When the NBA All Star Halftime show is set up to be better than the Super Bowl's halftime show, it's time to rethink your strategy.

5. As I often say, it could be because I'm old and the nostalgia factor plays a big part in some of these things I rant about, but I just can't get behind this new version of "We Are the World." I understand it's for Haiti and it's for a good cause and all that. I think it's really cool that a bunch of artists got together after the Grammys to record this. Back in the 80s, it seemed like everyone who was anyone in the music industry was involved. Today, with music more segregated by genre than ever, is it going to have an impact? I look at the lists of participants and I realize I don't know half the people involved. I could be wrong on this, but it seems to me that most people wouldn't know a lot of the folks involved. With ipods, specialty radio stations and computer downloads, there is less and less need to listen to your everyday terrestrial radio stations. The evolution of music has led everyone to their own personalized soundtrack. This causes lack of knowledge of other genres no matter how high up the charts they may be. As I said, I think it's cool, but I'll be interested to see the impact a song like this has.



This week on RETRO…



I told you three years ago – I will break this MFer out every single year before the Super Bowl. This year, it just so happens that this means a little more as a small reunion of sorts will be on hand in a Super Bowl commercial. Is it the 25th anniversary even though the Super Bowl that was shuffled about above actually took place in 1986? I don't know. The way these math things work, they can have an '85 Bears reunion of the next four years and call it the 25th anniversary. Anything that gets these amazing hip hop artists back on my screen is okay by me.

I wonder if Jim McMahon is going to be in the commercial with his buddies or just fly around all ghost-like similar to what he did back in '85. Of course any reunion will fall short because of the absences of Walter Payton (deceased) and Mike Singletary (Coach of the 49ers). The biggest questions that must be answered are 1) Did the re-sign the cowbell guy? And 2) Do they have the original choreographer who told every player to hold their hands out and to their sides as much as possible? If they don't – I ain't watching!

While "The Super Bowl Shuffle" may be the most famous, it wasn't the only team anthem in 1986. Those crazy cats in New England couldn't be shown up. I just learned about this one last week – and that makes me happy. Once you hear the song, it will make you happy that you've never heard of it, either. Without further adieu, I give to you "New England, The Patriots and We"



That is by far the worst football song I've ever heard and is in contention for worst song I've ever heard, period. Maybe I have been too harsh on the Patriots in the last decade. Any fan who sat through that in 1986 deserves to be rewarded with Super Bowl titles. Think anyone in this video has this still on their resume? As we know, inspired by the song, the Patriots went out and got trounced as the sacrificial lamb to the destined Bears.

Inspired by the Super Bowl performances of the two teams with their own songs, the two teams from LA had to get in on the act. For those of you under 25 years old, you read that correctly – TWO TEAMS FROM LOS ANGELES. Somehow, LA has since squandered both of their NFL teams, but back in the day, the Raiders recorded "Silver and Black Attack" to inspire them to Super Bowl glory.



Yes, that is studio host Howie Long rapping his ass off at the beginning of the song. How they turned a Stryper song into a rap, I have no idea. This is the best of the football songs of 1986. I know it's not saying much, but I give credit where it's due. By the way, the Raiders finished .500 and didn't get a sniff of the playoffs.

I know it's unheard of in today's NFL, but there was actually a second team in LA. Not to be outdone by the crosstown rivals, the Los Angeles Rams actually decided to air a song called "Ram It." Think about that.



In a second you're going to have to re-watch that video. I know it was painful, but it will be worth it. What's awesome is this – re-watch the video. Don't change any of the lyrics. Pretend it's a porn stars instead of football players. Money. Printing money. Remember it was my idea. I need to make this happen!

23 YEARS AGO TODAY

February 4, 1987

#1 Song





"At This Moment" by Billy Vera and the Beaters

#1 Album



Slipper When Wet by Bon Jovi

#1 Movie



Platoon

I must leave you now.