TV Rants and Raves 02.10.10

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 02.10.2010

Rants and Raves about Charles Barkley hosting "Saturday Night Live," not watching the Super Bowl, "Undercover Boss," the fall of "House," two more Strange Thoughts, Tom Tancredo wins a special award, Danica Patrick's stock car debut, and more, plus, a little help from the audience on a matter of great importance!

TV Rants and Raves Issue #31: In this issue I Rant and Rave about "Undercover Boss," "The Puppy Bowl VI," "The Steve Wilkos Show," how "Dateline" needs a new popular investigation series, Charles Barkley hosting "Saturday Night Live," "Grey's Anatomy" and "Private Practice," "House," and more, plus two more Strange Thoughts, admitting to not watching the Super Bowl, Tom Tancredo wins a special award, Danica Patrick's stock car debut, and more, plus, a little help from the audience on a matter of great importance

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that thinks it's about time someone said the following on live television for no particular reason: "Steve, that paint bucket over there needs more bacon in it. Free the pizza and the bathroom turtle," TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.

Before I get into the main hooha of the column, I'd like to ask you all for a little help.



I'm a bit of a comic book nerd (no, really?) and since "Nightwing" ended last year I've been searching for at least one DC comic to read every month. The books I currently read tend to be all Marvel books (not all but most) and I'd really like to add a DC title to my monthly reading just so I can have a presence in the company (it's a good way to find out what's going on with the company. Well, besides checking out comic book websites on the internets). So, what's worth reading from DC?



Should I read one of the "Batman" books? A "Superman" book? "The Flash?" Something else, perhaps something from the Vertigo section? I would prefer to have something that's a monthly title but it doesn't have to be.

These are the books I currently read:

"Deadpool" (there are like three "Deadpool" titles now, right?)
"Punisher Max"
"Punisher"
"Spawn"
"Captain America"
"Wolverine"
"Moon Knight"
"Savage Dragon" (every other month or so)
"Jericho: Season Three"

What should I add to this mix? Any suggestions?



And now, with that out of the way, onto the main part of the column.

TV Rants and Raves



- "Undercover Boss" thoughts: I admit, I didn't fully understand why CBS wanted to have this reality show debut after the Super Bowl when the network had other, perhaps better programming options (one of the "CSI" shows, a super sized "Big Bang Theory" or "How I Met Your Mother" or maybe that new "Survivor"). Now, having watched "Undercover Boss" I totally get it.

First off, it's actually a pretty decent reality show (I know that's not saying much in the realm of reality TV). It flows well, it doesn't feel forced or all that staged (I wonder how many of the employees at Waste Management didn't buy the "someone is making a documentary about entry level jobs" thing. I know I would have been suspicious of it). The CEO in the first episode (Larry O'Donnell) didn't come off as a douchebag or a lunatic, and the employees are all interesting and "real" and they're treated with respect by the show (no one looks stupid). And the problems that Larry (or "Randy," as he was known in the undercover operation) witnessed and heard about got fixed at the end (happy endings are always a plus). You really can't go wrong with that formula.

And the upcoming episode (this Sunday at 9pm) looks like a doozy, with the President of Hooters Restaurants going undercover and finding out that one of his, I assume, managers, is a piece of shit male chauvinist scumbag that gets his rocks off making his female employees do degrading things (are they licking baked beans off a plate in that commercial? Who the fuck would make anyone do that?). How is that manager guy going to get it in the end (will he get fired?)?

Now, as appealing as I thought the first episode was, I can see where this show could get old pretty damn fast (it's supposed to be on for ten weeks. We'll see if it goes the full ten). I can also see where the show can stop working in a second season, which I imagine is something CBS doesn't want to have happen if the show is a hit. Think about it. If the show is a hit and becomes a big part of pop culture, how are future episodes going to work if employees are immediately in on the gag (by the time a second season rolls around the "documentary" thing isn't going to work)? Isn't that element of mystery necessary to make the show work? I think it is. Once that mystery is gone, where does the show go from there? Where can it go from there?

Well, it'll be on this Sunday, and likely the Sunday after that. We'll see where it goes from there. I know I'll be watching.

Wouldn't it be neat if we found out that CBS has like 100 episodes of the show already in the can so they can get ahead of the whole "the people know something is up" thing? I think it would.



- Why was "Puppy Bowl VI" rated "TV-PG"?: "Puppy Bowl VI" has come and gone, and for the most part it was a bunch of goofy, gentle fun. The various puppies were rambunctious and playful, which is what you want to see on a show like this. The kitten half-time show was better than the one from "Puppy Bowl V" (the kittens were a tad cuter this year). The bunny cheerleaders were hilarious as were the hamster blimp pilots (I didn't think that gag would work but it did). I still think the show would be better off with less production and more playing puppies (like I've said a million times before, the show works better as a three hour block as opposed to a two hour block). I was also kind of weirded out by the referee, who seemed to be featured doing something every ten minutes (what the hell was the deal with the Kit Kat break? I get that it was an advertisement for Kit Kat but why did it come off so dang weird?).

But the thing that bothered me the most was the show's rating: "TV-PG." Yes, that's right, "TV-PG." Why the hell was the show rated "TV-PG?"

Was it the possibility of seeing actual poop on the field? The chance that the dogs, or the cats, or maybe the hamsters would start humping one another (why would the director and the editor allow you to see any of that even if it did happen?)? Is the sight of puppies playing too traumatic for people (they're running around and butting heads and biting stuffed animals. Yeah, I'm shocked and terrified)? Just what the heck is going on here?



- "The Steve Wilkos Show" thoughts: Steve Wilkos, the big ass bald guy that used to be the head of security on "Jerry Springer" has his own talk show now (well, he's had his own talk show for two years but I just recently started watching it. It's not my fault, though. The show just started airing during the day where I live), and it's pretty awful.

In one sense, I applaud Wilkos for doing shows about "important topics" like adultery, pornography, and drug addiction (among other topics). It's like he's doing a throwback talk show like the old "Jenny Jones Show" and "Sally Jesse Raphael." But the style of his show is what bothers me. Wilkos is way too confrontational with some of his guests and he comes off as a big old douchebag sometimes.

Is it really necessary to get all upset with the guests to the point where Wilkos is about to explode? And am I the only one that thinks Wilkos hurts his cause more than he helps it when he gets upset? The guests are afraid, sure, but there are times where it seems as though Wilkos is just playing upset he's not really upset. I could be reading it wrong, but that's what it looks like to me.

But, I guess this is the kind of show Wilkos was destined to do considering he came from Springer, a show that's known for its confrontations as much as for its weirdness. It's too bad because I like Wilkos and think he can do a high energy confrontational show that doesn't come off as a bad pro wrestling show (I'm not going to say that he's better than that. I don't know him personally and if someone offered me a bunch of money I'd do a show exactly like it. I have no problem selling out).

Man, is Wilkos the second coming of Morton Downey, Jr?





Nah, that's too harsh. He's more like "Judge Judy."





- Isn't it about time "Dateline" came up with a new "Predator" type show?: "Dateline," the great NBC news magazine show, used to be the broadcast network news magazine show when it aired the "To Catch a Predator" specials, shows where "Dateline" host Chris Hansen, along with the internet watchdog group "Perverted Justice," took down pedophiles/internet perverts via a hidden camera sting operation.

The exposes got a little old after a while (as a TV show, not as a public service) and Dateline stopped doing them (well, I'm not sure if Dateline stopped doing the shows because audiences got bored with them. I'm just assuming that's why Dateline stopped doing them). You can still catch reruns of the old "Predator" shows on MSNBC on the weekends (Sunday nights mostly, "To Catch a Predator: Raw" it's called, and the show has updates on the legal cases of the men involved). I was watching one of the reruns a few weeks ago and I started to think that maybe it's time for Dateline and Chris Hansen to come up with a show that rivals "Predator" in popularity.

But what the heck kind of show could possibly compete with the oozing sleaze and hilarity of "To Catch a Predator"? Hansen's done a few other "To Catch a..." shows, with Nigerian internet scammers and some other scam (I don't remember what the scam was), but those shows didn't have the energy of "Predator." The Nigerians didn't have the same screen presence, either (as I remember it they didn't seem all that surprised when they got caught. They were all very non-chalant about it. Not freaking out about getting caught is no good for TV).

Maybe Hansen can do a sort of companion show to the endless prison shows that air on MSNBC (a show about prison corruption or something)? That'd probably work, right?

The more I think about it, there's probably no chance of ever striking gold twice with a "Predator" type show about something else. That show was a one in a million. Unless there's some other internets based perversion out there I'm unaware of.



- Charles Barkley did a great job hosting "Saturday Night Live": I finally got a chance to see the "Saturday Night Live" episode hosted by NBA legend Charles Barkley, and I have to say that Barkley did a pretty dang decent job hosting the show. He's obviously not an actor, but it looked like he knew most of his lines and he was quite funny most of the time (I thought his monologue was one of the better ones this season).

Besides the great "MacGruber" sketches where it was revealed that MacGruber is a bit of a racist (not to mention that he has no idea how to pronounce the name "Darrell"), Barkley's best sketch was the Macintosh sketch with Keenan Thompson. He lost it and started laughing at the beginning of the sketch, but then the other cast members in the sketch started losing it, too (that seems to be a running gag with this sketch, Bill Hader cracking up about mid-way through. Is he doing it because he really is losing his composure or is it all part of the sketch?). Barkley was also quite funny in that last sketch of his, the one about the bank. It's too bad that the show ran out of time to complete it (what aired can't possibly have been the whole sketch. There had to be like two minutes more, right?). I'd like to see Barkley come back next season to have another go at it.

The following is a good Barkley sketch, too:





I also managed to watch the Jon Hamm hosted episode, and he did a good job, too. I'm getting really tired of the "Mad Men" jokes, though. They're just not funny anymore. So what if Hamm is on "Mad Men?" I loved that restaurant sketch with Michael Buble, though. I can very easily see Jon Hamm having a restaurant like that in real life (I also wouldn't be surprised if, in the future, some ham company doesn't hire him to be its spokesperson. The man's last name fits).

I hope to watch the Kelso hosted show this weekend. I'm kind of dreading it, though. I just don't quite get Kutcher's appeal.


- Cristina Yang needs to get over herself : I think I've talked about this before, but I've decided to talk about it again because it bares repeating: On "Grey's Anatomy," Cristina Yang needs to get over herself.



"But I'm hardcore! I really am!"

Yeah, the great Sandra Oh's character needs to get the fuck over herself and stop being such a self important asswipe. Yeah, I fully understand how brilliant you think you are with a scalpel and a human heart, I get how "hardcore" you think you are, and I can appreciate how you want to keep excelling at your chosen medical discipline and save as many lives as possible. It's commendable.

What isn't commendable, though, is the endless fucking complaining you do on how no one else recognizes your greatness. Did you ever think that maybe they all do recognize your greatness when it comes to heart surgery but they don't want to acknowledge your greatness to your face because you're a fucking asshole? And you'd probably rub their admiration in their faces as some kind of weakness.

And that's another thing you have to stop going on about, other people's "weakness." It's disgusting how you want to keep pointing out how strong you are compared to everyone else. It's just very unbecoming.

Now, is Yang ever going to stop being an asshole? Probably not. It's what she does best and, it's probably why people like me keep tuning in. We can't stand you but we still want to see what you're going to do next week.



And then there's Cooper on "Private Practice." My God, what an asshole this guy is. He's always fucking whining about how women don't understand him, especially his former main squeeze Charlotte King (KaDee Strickland). "She's too selfish and into herself and she needs to be more into me in order for this relationship to work."

Oh, go fuck yourself, Cooper. Isn't there a pint of ice cream you could be sharing with your best friend Violet right about now? Let Charlotte go. She doesn't deserve you.

There, I'm glad that I got all of that off my chest. It's a good thing from time to time to vent to fictional characters.

And finally,



- What the heck happened to "House" that I don't want to watch it anymore?: I haven't been keeping up with "House" this season, and I don't know why. For whatever reason, right after the two hour season premiere I just stopped making the show a priority every week. I loved the season premiere and liked how it put Hugh Laurie's Dr. Gregory House in an environment that puts him at an immediate disadvantage. And it was oh so very cool to see him butt heads with the great Andre Braugher.

But then, again, for whatever reason, I just stopped making the show a priority. I forgot to set the DVR for it, but I didn't get upset about the screw up. And I haven't been watching the reruns on USA to play catch up. I just haven't done it.

But I'm still interested in the show. I still want to see the great Dr. House figure out what the heck is wrong with this week's new patient. I want to see him argue with his underlings and Cuddy and I want to see him argue with his best friend Wilson (why the hell does Wilson still put up with House's crap? What's the draw, especially after the "Amber" incident?). I want to see Laurie own every scene that he's in and make the other actors look way better than they have any right to look (I'm looking at you Omar Epps) and I want to see House get stumped every once in a while and pull the correct diagnosis out of his ass at the very last.

So what the heck happened here? Am I the only "House" regular that's had this problem? What does "House" have to do to bring me back?

***
And now, a shameless plug for TLC



You know, there seem to be an awful lot of shows on TV lately about cakes and cake decorating. I'm a fan of the great "Cake Boss," with Buddy and the gang at Carlo's Bakery in Hoboken, NJ. TLC has other cake decorating shows besides "Cake Boss," and one of them is "Ultimate Cake Off." Here's a sneak peak of the show and what it's about (the show airs on Monday nights).



***

Strange Thoughts

Once again, I have two Strange Thoughts for you to read, ponder, and hopefully be entertained by. Most of these thoughts pop into my head while at my soul killing day job (what better place to day dream, right?). Enjoy.



- In the world of three-camera sitcoms (you know, those sitcoms that perform in front of a live studio audience), do you think the lives of the characters are as funny outside of the main set or less funny?

Because the characters always have lives outside of the main set. They usually spend the first part of the show talking about what they did at work, at school, at the grocery store, in the community pool, etc, and then they get into that episode's story and every third line of dialogue is a joke or a laugh line. So do you think it's possible that the people on these shows are always making these jokes and quips and observations?

I kind of think they'd have to. The "every third line" structure of their speech would have to exist outside of the show's main set because, otherwise, wouldn't some of them start to wonder why there are certain parts of their world where they're always making jokes? Wouldn't that interfere with their lives in a detrimental way?

And what about those rooms in the background that we always see characters disappear into but we never get to see what's in them? There's got to be stuff in those rooms within the world of the sitcom, right? If not, where the fuck are these people going?

I'm beginning to think I think about this stuff too much.



- At the end of the great Ahnold Schwarzenegger action flick "Commando," it's implied that Ahnold's John Matrix went off into the sunset with Rae Dawn Chong's Cindy presumably to be lovers. So let's just say that that's what happened, that Matrix and Cindy became a full on couple after they landed the seaplane. And let's say that after a night of mega passionate sex they decided to move in together. Where do they live?

Does Cindy look like the kind of woman that would want to live out in the woods, out in the middle of nowhere? No, not really. She looks like a woman that enjoys living in the city or perhaps some kind of upscale suburb close to a city. She'd be lost without concrete and steel and the hustle and bustle of cars and public buses going by every few seconds.

And Matrix doesn't look like someone who would want to live in a city. He could survive in a city/urban setting (he probably had a few missions back in the day in cities all across the globe) but he'd much rather be surrounded by trees and deer and stuff like that. It's far more peaceful that way. So, again, where do they end up living?

After a bunch of arguing they probably decided to split the difference and live one month in the city and one month in the woods, making everyone happy.



"Look, I said we're getting a new truck! A big one! We live in the woods for Christ's sake!"

But then how long would that arrangement have lasted before some bunch of mercenary types booby trapped both the house in the woods and the big city apartment? Like General Kirby said, Matrix has enemies from all over the world. There's no reason to think that Arius was the only one that wanted revenge.



This kind of thing could very well happen every weekend.


***



***

The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



***

And now, Dr. Phil.



"I once made my wife watch me poop in a plastic bag because I told her I needed to explore my likes and dislikes and I didn't know if I liked it. I asked her to hold the bag. She did. And it turned out to be so erotic for her that she fucked me for five hours straight right after she washed my ass out with a warm washcloth. She then asked me if I would like to watch her poop in a plastic bag, I told her no, that's disgusting. Can you believe that after I said 'no' she put my bag of poop in the freezer? I think she's freezing my turds and she's going to try to put the frozen ones up my ass when I'm not looking. You know something? That might actually feel good."

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole. And that is fucking disgusting.

***

And now, the weekly Fearnet update

What's on Fearnet this week? Why don't you go here to find out?

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out free movies (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more (The pretty okay werewolf movie "Skinwalkers" with Elias Koteas was on there last week. Is it still there? Check and see). The site also has a pretty nifty web series featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder, "Fear Clinic" that's definitely worth a look.



Plus, you can get information on how to contact Time Warner Cable as they still haven't reinstated the free, 24/7 on demand horror channel (this has been going on for about a year now, hasn't it? What the hell is the hold up? Where the hell is my Fearnet?). Come on Time Warner! We want our Fearnet!

And, if you haven't done so already, please check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them.

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

***
And now, a little bit about "Live Evil"



"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by horror legend Ken Foree) is currently on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick that's well worth the price.

There's been a bit of a change on the "Live Evil" DVD front. According to the flick's Facebook page, "Live Evil" will now hit DVD July 13th, 2010 instead of February 23rd, 2010. That's several months away, which is a bummer, but at least the movie is eventually coming out. So, let's all try to remember the new release date (July 13th, 2010), and be sure to keep an eye on the flick's MySpace page and the flick's Facebook page for further updates/developments.





***

The Featured Bit

"The Featured Bit" is the new name for the section of the column that was once called "Special Comment." I don't know, it just sounds better to me.



I didn't watch this year's Super Bowl between the Indianapolis Colts and the New Orleans Saints, which apparently was the most watched anything in the history of television (well, American television. Internationally I have no idea). I've never been much of a football fan, but, in years past, I usually watched the game for the commercials. But this year I didn't. I just had no enthusiasm for it. Is there something wrong with me?

The Super Bowl is often the biggest TV show of the year. Nothing comes close to the general audience it pulls in. And it's something that we, as a nation and people, end up talking about for weeks afterwards. And since I write about TV stuff on the internets, shouldn't I have sucked it up and just watched the game so I'd at least have an inkling of what the hell everyone else is going to be talking about for the next while?

Maybe.



I'll tell you what I did watch, though. I engaged in some serious "counter programming." I, of course, watched "The Puppy Bowl" twice, once intently, and once with it on in the background to provide company. I watched a few episodes of the original "Law & Order" on TNT, as well as a few episodes of "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" on USA.



I then, at around eight o'clock, flipped over to ABC Family to watch "The Sound of Music."



Yes, that's what I said. On Super Bowl Sunday I watched "The Sound of Music." Well, I watched the first two hours of the movie and then flipped over to CBS for "Undercover Boss." Why the heck didn't I just watch Fox, which had Animation Domination reruns on from 8-10? Or a movie on one of the HBO stations?

Damned if I know. For some reason, watching "The Sound of Music" just seemed right.

I do plan on watching the commercials, though, now, after the fact. They're on the internets, on youtube. They probably won't have the same punch to them since I kind of already know what to expect, but then, the more I sit and think about it, I knew that the commercials were on the internets before the game. Maybe that's why I didn't feel any urgent need to watch the game and experience what everyone else experienced.

Maybe.

And then maybe I just need to develop a taste for football so I don't have to go through this kind of personal questioning again. That kind of shit can get pretty annoying after a while.

So who else didn't watch the big game? Do you feel guilty about it? Anyone?

Anyone?



***

The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week





"Hi, I'm Tom Tancredo, and I'm a fucking racist! Yeah!"

This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week goes to former Colorado Republican Congressman Tom Tancredo, for saying he wants to bring back "literacy tests." While speaking at the big hooha Memphis teabagger convention this past weekend, Tancredo claimed that President Obama won the 2008 Presidential election because of a deluge of voters that couldn't speak English and didn't know anything about who Obama was or what the U.S. government is "supposed to do." If there had been "literacy tests," those illiterate foreign language speakers (you know, brown skinned types) wouldn't have elected the non-American Muslim Messiah and the good old USA would be just fine with Sarah Barracuda a heartbeat away from the Presidency. I've always known Tancredo to be a racist but now there's no dispute. Tom is a fucking racist. Do you think the teabaggers will have him come back for the next big convention?

You bet your ass he'll be back. When the teabaggers take over they'll probably want to put his face on the $5 bill.



And then there's Las Vegas mayor Oscar Goodman, for demanding yet another apology from President Obama for allegedly "denigrating Las Vegas" in a recent speech. Look, it's about time that the city of Las Vegas, while filled with all sorts of good, decent, honest working people, is still a city founded by gangsters and where people from all over go to spend money, more often than not irresponsibly. It's a symbol of blowing money on luxury (just like New York City sometimes is). That's what the President is ultimately talking about when he mentions Vegas. Perhaps if Vegas didn't openly thrive on that reputation the President's remarks wouldn't sting so much.

And come on, Goodman, lighten the fuck up.



And finally there's the former governor of Alaska Sarah Palin, for saying that America needs a second revolution while speaking at the recent Memphis teabagger convention. A second revolution? Is Sarah Barracuda openly calling for the overthrow of the government by force? Is that what she's telling the heavily armed, incredibly scary white people in the audience, the ones that think the elected President of the United States is a socialist Muslim terrorist? I think she is.

Where's the outrage? Where's the liberal media when you need it?

Yeah. The liberal media.

***

And now, your weekly "Jericho" update



This is the cover of issue #3, which I assume will be coming out soon (at the end of this month or sometime in early March. I've been over to http://www.devilsdue.net/ and they don't have a release schedule up, but you have to figure that the book will be out soon (the book is a monthly). As I've said in previous posts on the "Jericho" comic book, sales have been great (it's reportedly difficult to find either issue #1 or #2 in comic shops across the country), so that's a good sign that we'll get more comic book series and, eventually (hopefully) some kind of movie (theatrical movie, TV movie, maybe a straight-to-DVD movie. Any of those would be dang cool). Let's keep up the enthusiasm and get as many people interested in this "Jericho" thing as possible.

Go here to find a local comic book shop near you. You should also check out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff (I'd imagine they'll have a pic of the cover for issue #3 fairly soon). And keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing, for information regarding future issues and everything else Devil's Due puts out.

Here's the cover for issue #2. Like I said, it's selling out all over the country, but there could be copies floating around out there, so this is what it looks like.



If you're into the whole "trade paperback comic book" thing you can preorder the "Jericho" comic book as a trade paperback here. I have no idea when the TPB will come out (amazon finally stopped saying that the book would be out in January) but if you preorder it on amazon, they'll send it to you when it does come out. That you can be sure of.

And remember that you can still purchase the entire "Jericho" run on DVD. Go here to buy the entire series. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually. Buy season 1 here, and season two here.

And this is happening today: a "Jericho" marathon on the old Sci Fi Channel (it starts at 8am and goes to 3pm). If you're curious about the show and don't want to wait for the DVD, today's marathon is a good way to get acquainted with the "Jericho" world. Enjoy.

Oh, and there's a chance that "Jericho" will show up on the new Epix Channel, which is a new premium movies and TV channel (I don't have it on my cable system but you may have it). So we'll all have to keep our eye on that potential development.

It's a great time to be a "Jericho" fan! Long live "Jericho!"



***
NASCAR and IRL thoughts



Well, the much anticipated stock car debut of Danica Patrick was a smashing success for her, as she managed to finish the ARCA 200 in sixth place after spinning out earlier in the race but not wrecking. The announcers were freaking out at the end, acting like she had a chance to bolting past the five cars in front of her but there was absolutely no chance of Patrick ever getting past eventual winner Bobby Gerhart as his car was on a goddamn rail once it got up front. The only way Gerhart was going to lose was some kind of parts failure. But she managed to finish the race in one piece and that's what matters. It was announced on Monday that, because of Patrick's strong finish in the ARCA race she will compete this coming Saturday in the Nationwide Series event. That race experience will be much tougher as the equipment and the talent in the Nationwide Series is so much more extensive, but she should do okay for herself (all she has to do is not wreck and she'll be fine). The real test will be in the second race of the season at California.





The front row of Sunday's Daytona 500 is set, with Hendrick teammates Mark Martin and Dale Earnhardt, Jr taking qualifying spots 1 and 2. The rest of the field will be set by this Thursday's Twin 150's (or the Gatorade Duels as the races are called now) which should be a hoot to watch. This could end up being Martin's year to win it all (Daytona, the Sprint Cup, everything), but it'll be interesting to see if Earnhardt's team is any better this season and if it's his year to shine. I didn't get to see all of the Budweiser Shootout but from what I did see it was an okay race. I will say that next year NASCAR needs to change the race format so it doesn't end under caution. It's a 75 lap race. There's no reason for caution laps to count or for the race to end under caution. It's ridiculous.

Over on the IRL Indycar side, the big Delta Wing concept car is set to be revealed at the Chicago Auto Show today. If you check out the Speed Channel website throughout the day I'm sure it will have pictures and specs on the car (and if you search through the Indycar section of the site you'll no doubt see the other concept car designs that are apparently in the running for the proposed 2012 "new car"). I know I can't wait to see what the heck this "Delta Wing" thing is. Allegedly it doesn't have a rear wing. How the heck does that work? Again, I can't wait to see what the heck this car looks like.



How is a car like this going to work without a wing?

***

That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

"Lois: A flight attendant? Wow, that does sound exciting. What made you change your mind?

Peter: Just my desire to see you happy.

Lois: Aww .... (hugs peter)

Peter: And to exploit your hard labor for free travel and fun.

Lois: What?

Peter: Shhh ... I didn't say anything. Go to sleep crazy lady."

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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