TV Rants and Raves 03.10.10

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 03.10.2010

Rants and Raves about "The Marriage Ref," The Oscars, "Parenthood," Kathy Griffin on "Law & Order:SVU," "Law & Order," "Rules of Engagement," and "NCIS," plus two more Strange Thoughts, a personal plea to future Oscars, Rep. Patrick McHenry wins a special award, and more!

TV Rants and Raves Issue #35:In this issue I Rant and Rave about "Parenthood," Kathy Griffin on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit," "Law & Order," "Rules of Engagement," "NCIS," and "The Marriage Ref," plus two more Strange Thoughts, a personal plea to future Oscars, Rep. Patrick McHenry wins a special award, and more

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that has never visited an alternate dimension, TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.

Before I get into the main hooha of the column, I have a question about the comic strip "Garfield." Now, I've been reading "Garfield" for over twenty years and have often wondered if Jon Arbuckle can understand Garfield. So, does anyone out there know if Jon can understand Garfield?



I tend to think that Jon can't, mostly because when Garfield speaks he speaks in thought balloons as opposed to word balloons. But then, more often than not, it appears as though Jon can understand what Garfield says because he reacts to it via facial expression.



So, is it possible that Jon has some kind of psychic connection to Garfield, where he can hear what his cat says but not out loud but in his own mind? Is Jon reading Garfield's mind?

Odie, Jon's dog and Garfield's best animal friend (Garfield's best friend is obviously his teddy bear Pooky), can't speak beyond "normal" dog language (barking, whining, stuff like that). But Odie can understand Garfield despite the fact that Odie can't communicate in the same way. Do you think Odie talks to Jon in some fashion?

If anyone has any insight on this I'd appreciate it. This stuff doesn't keep me up at night, but I do wonder about it from time to time.



Okay, with that out of the way, onto the main part of the column.

TV Rants and Raves



- "Parenthood" Thoughts: Well, the much ballyhooed comedy-drama "Parenthood" has finally debuted on NBC. Based on the Ron Howard movie of the same name from 1989, it's a show about a big family and what they all go through. You've got Adam and Kristina Braverman (Peter Krause and Monica Potter) with their two kids (a young boy that may be autistic and a teenage girl that apparently longs to be a degenerate). Then there's Sarah (Lauren Graham), a divorced mother down on her luck (she also has two kids, Drew, as played by Miles Heizer, and Amber, as played by Mae Whitman). There's the shiftless loser brother Crosby (Dax Shepard) and his ongoing quest to find a suitable career (he also has a successful girlfriend that wants a kid so much that she's got a canister of sperm in her freezer). There's the workaholic sister Julia (Erika Christensen) and her husband Joel (Sam Jaeger). And finally there's the crusty Braverman patriarch Zeek (Craig T. Nelson) and his wife, the pseudo hippie Camille (Bonnie Bedelia).

For the most part, it's a pretty decent show. I've only seen once episode so far (the debut episode) but already the show has a good balance of "serious drama" and comedy. The bit where Adam worried about whether or not his young son was autistic was a tad too obvious for my tastes. I did like at the beginning, though, where Adam argued with the umpire at his son's baseball game. Watching Krause completely freak out was a joy to behold (his weird beard eyes are good for something after all). I also like the way Adam differs with his father Zeek on how to raise children. And Craig T. Nelson is his usual excellent self as Zeek (very few people on TV today can play a crusty old guy that isn't a total douchebag). I can't wait to see more arguments between Adam and Zeek.



I'm also digging Lauren Graham's single mother Sarah. Maura Tierney was originally going to play Sarah, but then she had to leave the show because she was diagnosed with breast cancer and obviously couldn't commit to doing the show while going through cancer treatment. I guess the show could have waited for Tierney to get better. I'm glad that they didn't, simply because I can't see Tierney playing a mother like Sarah. Tierney is too intense to be a TV mother. Graham, though, is damn near perfect. I love how she's bubbly while still engaging in serious parenting hooey (her son wants to move back with his deadbeat musician father, and her daughter is a drug using degenerate). Her performance doesn't "feel" false. I also liked the bit she did with a bald Mike O'Malley (O'Malley was actually funny in the role as Sarah's old high school flame Jim Kazinsky). I just hope that the show keeps O'Malley around and doesn't go for the hip and edgy "good looking guy" thing with Sarah. They have good chemistry.

Now, Dax Shepard's character, so far, isn't all that interesting. The whole thing where Shepard's Crosby is a sort of lazy bum with commitment issues is okay, but the bit with his girlfriend and the son he didn't know he had is just...eh. And I'm really not looking forward to the eventual blow up that Erika Christensen's Julia is going to have over her work schedule and how her young daughter no longer connects with her. Yeah, okay, Julia, we get it. You're the family bread winner, you didn't want to do "what was expected of you by society," and you wanted to provide a strong example for your daughter to let her know that she can do anything she wants. Just come right out and fucking say it and get it over with so the show can get on with everything else.

And, yes, life is hard. What do you want from me?

I think this show will have legs and eventually get a second season. As long as the show fixes its flaws and doesn't get bogged down in bullshit (character speeches about society and what's expected of them need to be kept to a bare minimum here) it should have a long life. Well, at least two seasons.



I do hope that Ron Howard gets Steve Martin to do a cameo or something, maybe have him play the same character he played in the "Parenthood" movie, Gil Buckman. And maybe get Diane Wiest to show up, just for the "Parenthood" nerds out there (you know who you are).





- Kathy Griffin actually did an okay job on "Special Victims Unit": The much ballyhooed (there's a lot of ballyhooing going on at NBC these days) guest star bit by Kathy Griffin on "Law & Order: Special Victims Unit" has come and gone, and I have to say that it was a pretty decent performance by the D-list comedian. Griffin played the leader of a lesbian group that was upset with the NYPD's apparent lack of interest in pursuing a guy that rapes lesbians, which led to several confrontations between Griffin and SVU Detectives Benson (Mariska Hargitay) and Stabler (Chris Meloni).

I was kind of surprised the way the show handled Griffin's character's bisexuality. It just sort of came out of left field (I was hoping for a little more build up to it). I am glad, though, that the much talked about lesbian kiss between Griffin and Hargitay didn't really happen. I'm all for lesbian kissing on television, but not with Kathy Griffin as one of the lesbians. That's just gross (on TV that is. In real life it's a okay with me if Griffin wants to kiss an ugly lesbian).

I do think, though, that the episode would have been much better if it had Richard Belzer in it. But then that's always my complaint with this show. Not enough Belz. It seems like having Belz on with Griffin would be a no brainer, though, right? All they would have had to have is one scene where they riff on something together and it would have been amazing television.

As for that other new episode that aired right after the Griffin episode, that episode was total bullshit. It was damn near brilliant right up to the end. Benson has freaking power of attorney over the health of a severely premature baby abandoned by its mother. She has to make a decision on what to do with the child at the end of the episode: allow the doctors to operate or let the baby die. But before she makes a decision the show fades out. What a crock. I know that's a classic "Law & Order" ending, but come on. Why not have her make a decision right then and there? People would have talked about and debated the merits of her decision, whatever it may have been, the next day. It would have happened. So what the fuck, NBC and Dick Wolf? What the fuck?




- "Law & Order" and the return of Dr. Skoda: The big story, allegedly, going into the new "Law & Order" episodes after the Winter Olympics was the clean shaven faces of Detective Cyrus Lupo (Jeremy Sisto) and Detective Kevin Bernard (Anthony Anderson). I have no idea why that was supposed to be a big deal but it was (in my opinion they looked better with facial hair, especially Sisto. The man's face was made for a beard). The big story for me was the return of J.K Simmons and his Dr. Emil Skoda.



Skoda hasn't appeared, according to imdb, on "Law & Order" since 2004 when Simmons went to be a part of TNT's "The Closer." No explanation was ever given, at least as far as I know, as to where Skoda went. Within that six years did he still do the occasional evaluation for the Manhattan District Attorney's office and we just didn't see it, or was he off doing something else? Was Skoda perhaps doing government research? Did he maybe go off to Iraq and help soldiers deal with their shell shock? I mean, really, where the hell was Skoda for all that time?

I'm kind of surprised that when Skoda "left" that the show runners didn't find someone else to do a reoccurring part as a police psychologist. I've always enjoyed the way McCoy would argue with Skoda over his conclusions.

"Oh, so you're saying that just because his mother raped him as a child he has the right to murder seventeen people in a McDonald's?"

And that was never what Skoda was saying. Never. And yet there McCoy would go off on one of his "just about to cry" tangents about justice, etc. The new ADA, Michael Cutter (Linus Roache) really hasn't had the chance to do that since he started. He should get the chance to do it.

So will Skoda keep appearing every once in a while? Or was this just a one off thing, sort of a goof that Simmons agreed to do because he had some free time?



- What exactly is the appeal of "Rules of Engagement"?: I've seen exactly three episodes of the CBS sitcom "Rules of Engagement" since it started back in 2007, and I have managed to block out the plots of those episodes because I can't stand the show. I'm not even sure why I watched those other two episodes because I believe I told myself after watching one that I wouldn't watch the show ever again. I usually give a show three episodes to get going, but "Rules of Engagement" was one of the rare exceptions to that rule.

It looked like a lame rip off of "How I Met Your Mother" (committed older couple, younger couple that kind of looks like Ted Mosby and Robin, and the horn dog single guy) but it's obviously not that show (HIMYM is a good show). And despite a decent enough cast (Patrick Warburton, Megyn Price, and to a lesser extent David Spade) the show, to me, didn't click. It just wasn't funny. But here it is, 2010, and the show is entering its fourth season.

What the heck am I missing? Has the show somehow improved? The commercials don't seem to show that. The show looks just as unfunny now as it was back when it started. Is this show in the same position that "'Til Death" is in over at Fox, where the network keeps it on year after year so it can eventually have just enough episodes to put it in syndication? That's the only explanation I can come up with for its continued existence. Because who the heck is watching it?

Well, someone must be watching it. The show must have its fans. Otherwise, CBS wouldn't keep it on the air, even with potential future syndication, if no one watched it.

"Gary Unmarried" is an okay CBS sitcom, though. It's nothing special, but I've seen it three times, too, and I've laughed at most of the show's jokes. CBS should put that show on Monday nights after "HIMYM" instead of "Rules of Engagement." At least then the network's weak spot wouldn't be as weak.



- "NCIS" should never end an episode with a fucking alt rock song. Ever: Last week's episode of "NCIS" wasn't all that great. I had a hard time getting into the story, not to mention caring about Gibbs and his relationship with his old mother-in-law. I'm interested in Gibbs' past, sure, but not that interested. I'd much rather see the show do more episodes featuring Gibbs and his father, played by Ralph "John Walton, Sr." Waite. At least that relationship is interesting. Gibbs fucking around with his ex-mother-in-law is just not what I'm interested in (now, if she was the head of an international drug or gun running scheme we'd have a show, but since she's not into any of that kind of stuff, what's the point?). But that wasn't the worst part of the show. No, the worst part was the inclusion of a hip and edgy alt rock song at the end to help express, I assume, Gibbs' inner turmoil and pain, etc.

What the fuck ever. Since when is "NCIS" fucking "Grey's Anatomy?" Yeah, it isn't "Grey's Anatomy" in any way, shape, or form. Yeah, they both sell a "show soundtrack" ("NCIS" is a little more forward with its soundtrack shilling these days) but that's no excuse to put a fucking whiny "meaningful" song at the end. No goddamn way.

But then, I guess it's something that we're going to see more of as long as "NCIS" remains the top drama on television. What better way to get people to buy CD's and Itunes downloads than with "free advertising" during the actual show? And what better way to make more money before the show even airs (the music money can go on top of the regular commercial revenue)? At the moment, I can't think of one.

This better have been a one off occurrence. I really don't want to see "NCIS" turn into a whine fest. The TV drama landscape is already overloaded with that shit. We don't need any more of it.

And finally,



- Is "The Marriage Ref" worth watching?: Jerry Seinfeld's latest foray into television, the reality show "The Marriage Ref," made a big splash on NBC after the Olympics with a half hour version of the show. I didn't see it (in fact I forgot that NBC was doing a special sneak preview of the show right after the Olympics. I guess that's what happens when you don't watch the Olympics). The show then moved to its usual night and time, Thursdays at 10pm. I missed it there, too. I'm just not that interested in the show.

But should I be interested in the show? Am I missing something spectacular or just plain good (you know, good for a reality show)? From the reviews and newspaper articles I've read, the show isn't as funny as it should be or as funny as the commercials seemed to promise. And it seems plenty of people are upset that Seinfeld isn't in every episode (and some people are going freaking ballistic over the inclusion of Madonna as a guest member of the show's panel). Are all of those people wrong?

I'm willing to admit that I've never been a big fan of Seinfeld. He's a pretty okay stand up comedian, but I was never a fan of his sitcom (likewise, I think TV Guide is out of its fucking mind designating "Seinfeld" the greatest sitcom in TV history. "Seinfeld" is better than "All in the Family?" Please). And, over the years I've really, really tried to make an effort to get into the show, but I just can't (that's not Kramer. That's fucking Stanley Spadowski). Maybe that's what's keeping me from watching the show.

So, again, am I missing something here? Is "The Marriage Ref" must see TV that I'm missing out on? Should I be making an effort this time for Jerry Seinfeld?

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And now, a shameless plug for TLC



Coming this Sunday night at 10PM is "Hoarding: Buried Alive," yet another show about people who pack away too much stuff, get overwhelmed, and eventually push people out of their lives because they just have too much stuff.

This show doesn't look all that different from the one that airs on A & E, but, hey, why not have more than one show about people that have more than one of everything?



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Strange Thoughts

Once again I have two Strange Thoughts for you to read, ponder, and hopefully be entertained by. Most of these come to me while I'm at my soul killing day job (what better place to day dream, right?). Enjoy.

- I watch Metal Mania on VH-1 Classic every Saturday night (well, I have it on in the background while I'm working on a movie review, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, or this column) and every so often the show airs the video for the classic Twisted Sister song "I Wanna Rock!"



Now, I remember watching this video endlessly back when MTV actually had music videos on and I never really paid much attention to who is in the video or what happens during it. I was just listening to the music back then.

But, recently, I actually took the time to watch the video and was kind of weirded out by it. There's Twisted Sister, obviously, looking scary as hell as they walk around that high school. There's the douchebag teacher that doesn't like heavy metal music (fucking Neidermeyer). And then there's that fat kid that turns into Twisted Sister after saying "I wanna rock!" Now, we obviously know what happens to Neidermeyer (he gets his ass kicked by Twisted Sister and then gets hit in the face with seltzer water by Kent Dorfman) and we all know what happens to Twisted Sister (they kick ass, rock out, and then go somewhere else to continue rocking out). But what happened to the fat kid?

I mean, he turns into Twisted Sister in the classroom, right? But then we never see him again. Did he completely disappear, get absorbed into the energy that is Twisted Sister? Did he fall to the ground after Twisted Sister appears and we just don't see it? Or was the fat kid not even real? Was he just a sort of avatar for the band that dissolved once the band was challenged by someone that didn't like the band's music? That fat kid had parents, didn't he? Didn't they wonder what happened to their son when he didn't come home from school that day?

Or... is it possible that the fat kid actually turned into Dorfman and got his own personal revenge against the evil Neidermeyer at the end? If that is the case that is some revenge, isn't it? The fat kid becomes the successful principal of the school, Neidermeyer's boss, and then hits him in the face with something. That'll show that sack of shit Neidermeyer.



- Some of the funniest scenes in the great "Police Academy" franchise happen in the Blue Oyster leather gay dance bar. Usually, when someone walked into the bar they walked into the middle of the, I assume weekly, Tango Dance competition. Now, I get why they always walk into the Tango competition (the music cue is funny for one thing), but what other kind of dances did the walk ins have to engage in before the gay guys let them leave? Was it all slow dances, or did they have to engage in some fast dancing, too? I mean, it was the 1980's and they had some nifty fast dancing music back then, right? You'd think those gay guys would have danced the night away listening to Oingo Boingo or the Bangles.

If the "Police Academy" reboot/remake/whatever the hell they plan on calling it does happen I hope the moviemakers bring back the Blue Oyster. It was always good for a laugh.



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The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



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And now, Dr. Phil.



"I'm an orgy man, that's a given. What I am not, though, is a threesome man, regular or Devil's Three-Way. It's just too much trouble. If I have to share a chick with a dude there's a chance that our cocks will touch, and I ain't into that with just three people. The only time I let a dude touch my cock, besides during a doctor's visit, is in a rollicking orgy. And if it's me and two chicks, that means I have to bang both of them at the same time, and I just don't have that kind of stamina. I'm not into effort, man, it's just not me. Now, if the chicks want to take turns jerking me off, no problem, but do you know how hard it is finding two chicks that will do that? It ain't easy, man.

And, yeah, watching two chicks doing it is fun, but not all of the time. It's better on video. That way you can fast forward to get to the good stuff."

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole.

***

And now, the weekly Fearnet update

What's on Fearnet this week? Why don't you go here to find out?

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out free movies (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more (Corbin Bernsen's slasher flick "The Dentist" was on there last week. Is it still there? Check and see). The site also has a pretty nifty web series featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder, "Fear Clinic" that's definitely worth a look.



Plus, you can get information on how to contact Time Warner Cable as they still haven't reinstated the free, 24/7 on demand horror channel (this has been going on for about a year now, hasn't it? What the hell is the hold up? Where the hell is my Fearnet?). Come on Time Warner! We want our Fearnet!

And, if you haven't done so already, please check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them.

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

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And now, a little bit about "Live Evil"



"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by horror legend Ken Foree) is currently on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick that's well worth the price.

There's been a bit of a change on the "Live Evil" DVD front. According to the flick's Facebook page, "Live Evil" will now hit DVD July 13th, 2010. That's several months away, which is a bummer, but at least the movie is coming out. So, let's all try to remember the new release date (July 13th, 2010), and be sure to keep an eye on the flick's MySpace page and the flick's Facebook page for further updates/developments.

If you're a reader from Germany, though, you can go to the amazon German site to preorder the flick for its March 26th, 2010 release. For you Germans that's this month, only a few weeks away. You lucky bastards.






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Special Comment: My Personal Plea to Future Oscar Shows



And so the Academy Awards for 2010 have come and gone, and the big story was Kathryn Bigelow's "The Hurt Locker" defeating Jim Cameron's "Avatar," the biggest movie of all time, for Best Picture, racking up six wins overall to the three "Avatar" won ("Avatar" won technical awards, but those really don't count to the general public unless a movie wins "big" awards, too, like Best Picture, Director, Actor, etc). You can read what I and several of my 411 mania movies zone colleagues thought about the show in the Post Oscars Roundtable (check that article out here).

Now, the following piece is going to deal with some of the same issues as the Roundtable, but I feel the need to talk about them one more time because, well, it's stuff that annoys me about the Oscars show. Every year Oscar producers are trying to figure out what to include in the show, and perhaps what to take out to make it more "TV friendly" (after all, the Oscars is just a TV show). And so here are my suggestions for making the Oscars better.



- Stop this "Special Guest Singer" bullshit during the "In Memoriam" segment. This started, I believe, with the 2009 Oscars show, where Queen Latifah sang live on stage while pictures of the dead flashed on screens behind her. This year James Taylor pretty much did the same thing. But, unlike the Latifah debacle (and it wasn't Latifah's fault how it played out. She sang a great song, but we, the TV audience, couldn't see any of the photos of the dead, which is the whole point of the segment, finding out who the hell died) the screen eventually went to full screen photos of the dead instead of the roving camera that never focused on the screens on stage. Why is this special guest singer shit even necessary? What's wrong with having a video package set to somber instrumental music that allows the viewer to see all of the dead people?

There's nothing wrong with that. So why make things more complicated than they need to be? The Oscars show is already chock full of pizzazz or hooha or whatever the hell you want to call it. It doesn't really need any more. And no offense to James Taylor, but fuck him, I don't want to see him back on the Oscars unless he's nominated for something.

And I would also like to see the "In Memoriam" segment expanded to include everyone that died instead of just the current arbitrary thirty. This year the Academy left out Farrah Fawcett, Bea Arthur, and Robert Ginty (there were most likely others but those are the ones I noticed). Those are pretty glaring omissions, especially Fawcett, who was one of the bigger actor/celebrity deaths last year. And while the "omissions" in this segment give us something to talk about the next morning, I really don't want to talk about the dead people the Oscars forgot. Just include everyone or damn near everyone and we can all stop having these discussions.

- Bring back the live, on stage "Best Song" performances. I've always found these performances interesting and fun to watch, especially when people like Three Six Mafia are nominated and perform to the shock of the world. But this year they were cut for "time reasons." The show ended up running well over three hours, but the producers cut out the songs. The producers did include, though, a lame fucking dance bit set to the music nominated for Best Score. And why the fuck did the producers ruin the flow of the show by bringing out the friends of the Best Actor and Best Actress nominees so they could babble on about shit? I still don't get why that had to happen.



So come on, bring back the song performances. If it's all about exposure, what better way to expose the audience to music from movies they've never heard of? And don't give me any more of this "time" shit. You had enough time for that fucking dance thing and the babbling, you should have had enough time for Colin Farrell to come on stage and sing that "Crazy Heart" song.

- Just schedule the show for four hours and then make a serious effort to get the show in at a little over three hours (and by a little I mean ten, fifteen minutes tops). It's such a pain in the ass trying to figure out how to DVR the Oscars (I don't want to miss anything) when the show is scheduled for three hours but is clearly not going to finish in three hours. Just make the show four hours and end early. You do that a few times and the TV audience will feel as though you've accomplished something by "ending early." Ending early is always a good sign that you know what you're doing and that you care about your audience.

- Get more movie trailers during the commercial breaks. Lots of people watch the Oscars. It's a big audience. Why not use that big audience to your advantage and get the studios to put out more trailers during the commercial breaks? Give them a reduced rate and include both mega blockbuster type movies and small art house/"serious" movies. If the Oscars, in essence, are a way to advertise and make people aware of "other" kinds of movies, why not use the commercial time to do it for future movies? I think people wouldn't go to the bathroom during the breaks. They'd stay and watch and pay attention. They would.

- Keep the Ten Best Picture nominee format, but figure out a way to make it seem as though one of the "underdog" movies actually has a chance of winning "Best Picture." I don't know how they go about doing that, but the Ten Best Pictures idea isn't going to last if it's obvious right from the get go that a whole bunch of the movies have no chance of winning ("District 9" was never going to win Best Picture. It just wasn't).



And finally,



- Have Eddie Murphy host the show. Eddie Murphy is a funny guy, both in the movie world and the stand up comedy world. He hasn't worked in stand up in a long, long time, but he's said several times that he plans on doing it again before he disappears from the public eye. Why not give him an incentive to get going on the stand up thing by offering him a chance to host the Oscars? I think he'd do a great job.

Of course, after he got screwed out of a Best Supporting Oscar for "Dreamgirls" he's probably not all that interested in hanging out with the Oscar people. So, in order to make this hosting thing happen give Murphy whatever he wants. Whatever he wants. He wants $10 million? Find a way to give it to him. A new house somewhere? Build it. Do whatever it takes to make it happen.

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And there you have it, Academy people. Get on these things for next year. I'm counting on you to make it all happen.

Ha. Like any of them are reading this.

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The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week





This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week goes to North Carolina Republican Congressperson Patrick McHenry, for wanting to put Ronald Reagan on the $50 bill. Right wing yahoos have tried before to get Reagan on U.S currency (they've tried to get him on the dime, the ten dollar bill and the twenty dollar bill at various times in the last few years) but thankfully good sense prevailed and it didn't happen. Dickhead Reagan's name is already on a major U.S. airport, what more do the right wing sackheads need?

But, the draft dodging rapist is a hero, they say. America should honor its heroes. I mean, the man did single handedly beat the pinko Commie Soviets. I hope that this bullshit doesn't get very far and the bill that McHenry has submitted gets laughed off the House floor, but with all of this teabagger shit running rampant and the Democrats acting like a bunch of lame ass wimps, it could happen.

Ask yourself, America, do you really want Reagan on any of your fucking currency? Ronald fucking Reagan?



And then there's disgraced former Texas Congressperson Tom Delay, for publicly supporting Senator Jim Bunning's "stand" against extending unemployment insurance. It's not all that surprising that Delay has come out in full public support of Bunning's stunt since things like denying people unemployment insurance gives the Hammer a hard on. But why does the liberal media keep giving this prick fucking douchebag a platform to say shit like this and the President wasn't born in America? Because the motherfucker was on "Dancing with the Stars?" The liberal media should grow a pair and tell Tom to go fuck himself. But then that would be partisan.



And finally there's Arizona Republican Senator Jon Kyl, for saying that unemployment insurance is a disincentive for unemployed people to look for work. A disincentive? Who the fuck does Jon Kyl, who will have a nifty pension and outstanding health benefits for the rest of his life, know that is unemployed, getting unemployment, and not actively looking for a job? Jon Kyl doesn't know anyone like that. Jon Kyl is an ultra right wing rich man who foams his pants at the idea of telling poor people to stop being lazy and get a job. Jon Kyl, like most ultra right wing conservatives, hates poor people. I wish the liberal media would call him out on that. But then the John Edwards sex tape story still has legs. That's important shit.

What the fuck is wrong with the world?

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And now, your weekly "Jericho" update



"Jericho: Season Three" Issue #3 is on sale today, March 10th. Get to your local comic book shop now and pick up the book that's helping keep the "Jericho" world alive! I will have a full review of the issue next week, so be on the look out for that (it'll probably be in the "Featured Bit" section like the previous two reviews, but that could change).

Go here to find a local comic book shop near you if you haven't done so already (what the hell have you been waiting for?). You should also check out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff. And keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing, for information regarding future issues and everything else Devil's Due puts out (what he hell is "Chopper Zombie?"). I think Devil's Due also has a store where you can buy the book directly from them. Check it out.

If you're into the whole "trade paperback comic book" thing you can preorder the "Jericho" comic book as a trade paperback here. I have no idea when the TPB will come out (amazon still doesn't have a release date yet) but if you preorder it on amazon, they'll send it to you when it does come out. You can be sure of that.

And remember that you can still purchase the entire "Jericho" run on DVD. Go here to buy the entire series. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually. Buy season 1 here, and season two here.

Long live "Jericho!" Yeah!



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NASCAR and IRL thoughts



Well, the NASCAR Sprint Cup race at Atlanta Motor Speedway was a hoot and a half. The crowd was small, but the race was almost excellent. Both Kasey Kahne and eventual winner Kurt Busch dominated the day, leading the most laps and pulling away from the field when either one got in the lead, but there was plenty of jockeying for position trying to catch them. Juan Pablo Montoya had his best finish of the year with a third place. He was in the thick of it the whole race and he had a real chance of winning right up until the end (did he miss a shift or just not get on the gas soon enough?).



And how about A.J. Allmendinger and Paul Menard picking up top ten finishes? Allmendinger has been in the running for a good finish all season, and Menard just had a flawless day (is he finally coming into his own in Sprint Cup?). And congratulations to Scott Speed, who is in the top twelve in points after another good race finish, 10th. The Red Bull Toyota team should be a force the rest of the season, with Speed and teammate Brian Vickers, who finished 7th. They've been plugging away the last few years. They deserve a good season.





Poor Dale Earnhardt, Jr. He qualified first, he had a good final practice, and then in the race he had problems, got laps down early on and was never a factor. And look at what happened to Jeff Gordon, Jimmie Johnson, and Tony Stewart? Shocking. I'm surprised there hasn't been more carrying on about the Goodyear tire issues, especially from Stewart. Maybe there will be since this coming weekend is an off weekend.



Roger Penske has to get Brad Keselowski to calm down. He's just too reckless on the track and he's making too many enemies on the track, both in Sprint Cup and Nationwide. Carl Edwards did a pretty stupid thing, turning Keselowski around and causing him to flip on the front stretch, but then that's what happens when you're a jack ass on the track. Although I do want to complain about NASCAR's response to the incident, with Edwards having to go to the official's trailer. Isn't what Edwards did to Keselowski a fine example of the new "let 'em race like the old days" thing? Sure seems like it is.



This Sunday is the IRL Indycar season opener in Brazil. The race will be on Versus (I seriously doubt the ongoing DirecTV/Comcast dispute will be resolved by then, so for you DirecTV people you're going to have to watch the race on the internets. I think the IRL website has some kind of thing on it that allows you to watch it). Versus will have a qualifying special on Saturday afternoon, which will be the first time we get to see the cars in action on the Sao Paulo street course. Don't expect much in the way of passing.

And don't expect much change at the front of the field. The Target Chip Ganassi team of Scott Dixon and Dario Franchitti and Team Penske's Will Power, Ryan Briscoe, and tax cheat Helio Castroneves will be the cars to beat. It will be interesting to see if anyone can challenge them (Dale Coyne, KV Racing, and Andretti Autosport will all try. Andretti may have a chance early on, if Kanaan and Danica don't get into trouble and wreck at the beginning of the race).

It'll also be interesting to see if the IRL can get twenty cars. I know I've mentioned this several times now, but after the unification with Champ Car there is no excuse not to have at least twenty four cars a race. No excuse at all. But then I guess I can't be surprised by the lack of cars and sponsors. I saw it coming as soon as unification was announced.

Even if the race is due to suck, it'll be great to have the IRL back on TV. And it's only about two months until Indy. That's always something to look forward to.

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That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

"Tom Tucker: A bit of breaking news. A local family is forced out of their home by ghosts. Who are they gonna call?

Diane Simmons (sighs): Ghostbusters, Tom.

Tom Tucker: No, Diane. Their insurance company. That's just stupid what you said."

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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