Syndication Files 03.10.10: Cancellation Compilation II

Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 03.10.2010

It’s more of those awesome shows you love that the networks do not love as much. The second edition of the Cancellation Compilation takes a further look at these short-lived animated "classics": Clerks: The Animated Series, Welcome to Eltingville, and Freakazoid!

We have a James Cameron and Kathryn Bigelow sighting! Here's Cameron congratulating his ex-wife on publicly beating him in the most important and ego satisfying award category of the whole ceremony.

"Ms. Bigelow, you misunderstand me. In my village this is the traditional pose of apology. You know, now that I think about it, it may be a little confusing. Many have died needlessly".

Cameron then went home to cradle his Visual Effects award like a newborn baby before subconsciously diving into a sea of box office billions ala Scrooge McDuck. Something tells me he's going to be alright…cough.

Welcome Chatroulette dong wavers to another edition of the Syndication Files. As someone with a keyboard and a forum to use keyboard to express my innermost thoughts, I feel obligated to state my feelings on last Sunday's Oscar marathon.

It didn't suck donkey balls.

That's a wrap-up on my post Oscar analysis. Hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed typing it. I know I did.

The television industry is a fickle business. Network executives are ones who hold the life of a television program in their hands. It's them people in business suits that determine the fate of our favorite television series. Unfortunately, there are certain fan favorite programs that are struck down almost instantly by the cruel hands of these tie-wearing warlords. Animated shows are hit hardest due to networks quickly discarding them as insufficient programming or in their words, "not fitting in with their certain programming".

Cancellation Compilation is the "In Memoriam" of cancelled classics for the column. Everybody has a television show that was prematurely cancelled and wished it would come back to enjoy an extended second life. Some of these shows didn't last one full season and one didn't even make it out the gate after the pilot episode. So this one's to you, cancelled animated tube kings.


Syndication Files #34

Cancellation Compilation II – Animation Edition

So who's up first? Since Kevin Smith has been in the news lately about his ideology about impudent safety airline hazards and lashing out against critics who bashed his recent comedy film Cop Out (out in theaters now!), might as well start out with one of his awesome creations…that lasted for two episodes.


Clerks: The Animated Series


I think they're trying to say that this show is very gay

Man, fanboys can be rough.

Kevin Smith has gotten a lot of heat over the years but there's no doubt that he is a very talented writer. His masterpieces include Dogma, Mallrats, Chasing Amy, and of course the ultimate recurring source for his View Askewniverse world Jersey Girl Clerks. Clerks deals with the bleak everyday lives of two retail clerk employees, Dante Hicks and Randal Graves, along with pro-drug activists (aka drug dealers) Jay and Silent Bob.

Clerks: The Animated Series takes everything from the movie and forces them to be craftier with their humor due to TV restrictions. The results are mind-blowingly hilarious.

This animated series is an extension of the movie in which the characters deal with realistic themes and talk about common issues of the world. Such as this typical situation surrounding the characters in this clip:


Includes one of my favorites lines of all time

Laugh out loud, as they say.

If you didn't already know, this series is tremendous. Clerks: The Animated Series tackles a lot of the same topics as in the movies but thanks to the additional freedom that animation grants, the series shines like a freaking diamond. The humor found here is not fully like in the movie, where vulgarity and cruelness plays a big part. In the series, the jokes are expanded into unique ideas that were absolutely made for television. Jokes, references, and pop culture hysteria are quickly rattled off one after another in a hilarious string of continuance. Not to mention the fantastic jabs they take against popular sitcom devices: fake sitcom introductions ("this show was drawn in front of a live studio audience"), narrative recap devices ("previously on Clerks - beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep"), infamous television staples (such as the clip show episode being only the second episode of the series) movie spoofs (Schindler's List + Flintstones = Flintstone's List), and other popular culture figures.

So Dante, Randall, Jay, and Silent Bob are the show's stars (all voiced by the same actors from the movie) and although they differ slightly from their movie counterparts (Randall being more douchebaggery here yet still "quick with the quips" while Jay and Silent Bob are mischief makers rather than drug dealers), their wacky personalities match up very well with each other and their surroundings. Dante is seen as the reasonable "voice" of the group but the others do whatever they want to do and normally take advantage of Dante's generally generous nature. Much like the movie, they play off of each other's remarks fiercely, which results in lots and lots of laughs.


About as raunchy as they could be within the ideal conditions of a network broadcast

I also can't forget about the show's main "villain" Leonardo Leonardo, voiced by the fantastic Alec Baldwin (pre-"thoughtless little pig" days). Simply put, he nails his role as the "evil" inconsiderate billionaire with no morality whatsoever ("My vengeance will be neither swift nor entertaining! I will mete it out over decades, so that you will wonder if the misery in your life is manifest, the machinations of Leonardo Leonardo, or... some third thing. Good day!"). Other celebrities have also giving their voice talents in the show as well including Judge Reinhold, Gwyneth Paltrow, James Woods, Gilbert Gottfired (strangely voice acting as "Patrick Swayze") and human punching bag Charles Barkley.

Unfortunately, ABC never gave the show a chance and pulled the plug on it rather quickly. They just didn't get it. Even thought there were six episodes produced, only two of them aired. They were not even shown in the correct order! If there was ever a time where pushing people down a volcano filled with lava, sharp needles, landmines, and New Coke was justified, this would be it. After watching the series, you're going to want more of it…like right now.

If it'll make you feel better, I can say that this series may have been too good for television. Especially when one of the greatest animated endings ever features a car full of midgets, a giant rat whipping the Korean animators, a car-driving bear ("bear driving!") and the absolute hilarious scene of a car transforming back into a robot…with the passengers still inside!


Disco Dance Party!

Yes, Clerks: The Animated Series is a top notch quality program with top notch quality animation. Even though I may gripe about the lack of more episodes, they still made six of them. That's more than what this next show could say.


Welcome to Eltingville

Remember when I said that fanboys can be rough. Well, this cartoon is further proof of that. This show was made for fanboys because it's a show about fanboys.

See for yourself in the only episode ever made. Come on, you have time right? I promise you'll have a good time. Have I ever steered you wrong about anything before?






Welcome to Eltingville: The Complete Series

Now that you've watched the complete series, it's time for some background. The pilot episode aired on March 3, 2002 on Adult Swim and was created by Fanboy King, Evan Dorkin. Dorkin makes comics that poke fun at the fandom lifestyle, such as his comic book Dork! in which Welcome to Eltingville is based on. With fanboyism growing rapidly within the circle of regular mainstream life, it seemed that a show like this could have been an indication of something great.

But of course, it was not meant to be.

Welcome to Eltingville features four geeky and angry teenagers who fit the bill of nearly every fanboy stereotype known to man. The four boys are Bill Dickey (comic book nerd), Josh Levy (fat science fiction nerd), Pete DiNunzio (horror movie nerd), and Jerry Stokes (role playing fantasy nerd). Together they form the "Eltingville Club" in which they meet regularly in Bill's parent's basement ("I knew it!" – Triple H) in which they have diplomatic discussions about the latest craze, participate in role-playing games, undertake through the depths of naked celebrity videos ("Calista Flockhart naked? That's gotta be against the prime directive!"), and watch Star Trek with great interest. They also venture off to their local comic shop located in the seedy part of town to having further rousing conversations involving movie quotes, television quotes, comic book dialogue, and other heated discussions ("It's not Frankenstein, you moron. It's Frankenstein's monster!").

I'm not what you call a fanboy, despite maybe slightly having some of the qualifications of being a so-called "fanboy" (honest…honest!) But the neat thing about this show is the amount of notable pop cultural references that the characters share in that the viewers can relate to.

Who hasn't stayed up all night watching Sliders? Who hasn't had discussions whether Boba Fett is dead or not? Who hasn't played with those fast food toys you get with a happy meal? How about sneaking into movie theaters to watch the "Jaws-ripoff", the "Alien-ripoff", and "Halloween-ripoff" or deeply ogling at scantily clad space bab…err…mannequins?

At this point I'll like to point out that out of the five situations mentioned, I participated in one of them. Like I'm going to tell you what that was. Hint: not the mannequin one!



The episode packs so much fanboyism that you'll practically giggle at the sight of it. There are tons of references that may go over the heads of common folk but even the average Internet surfer may recognize at least one or two of them. Unless you know most of these obscene jokes and references such as why the Hulk is stronger than Superman or why the original Kenner 12-inch Boba Fett action figure in the Star Wars box (wookie scouts and all!) is considered the "holy grail" of toys (this one I don't know why…little help?), then this show is most likely not for you.

That brings us to the climax of the episode – the "trivia-off" sequence. This is a test of your true fanboyism. If you saw the episode and answered most of the questions before Bill or Josh did, then you my friend are a total nerd. Both those nerds answered in such rapid-fire fashion that only a bigger nerd could have answered much faster. Even in repeated viewing, I could only quickly answer one of the questions involved - the Jason hockey mask question. This sequence will no doubt delight most viewers and stump the rest.

In the end, I believe the world was not yet ready for Welcome to Elitingville back then. But these days the fanboy (sure running that term into the ground) lifestyle is majorly accepted in large parts of society thanks to the Internet, movies, and comic book conventions, so now would be the perfect time for the show to be given a second life. I highly doubt it, but if you press (i.e. annoy) Evan Dorkin hard enough, it might happen.

Come on Dorkin, you can make it happen. Not just for you but for every single nerd, geek, anime freak, otaku, geebin, nobos, flaven, and Gordan Freeman out there.


Farrah Fawcett



This section is in honor of the Oscar's oversight and stupidly in leaving Farrah Fawcett out of their "In Memoriam" tribute montage.

I don't know what Farrah Fawcett has to do with the topic of great canceled animated shows but that's not going to stop me from paying tribute to this iconic figure. You hear that, award show? It's called admiration!

Upon further research, she did contribute her voice acting skills as a special guest star in Johnny Bravo. That's good enough for me.

Too bad the people behind the Oscars do not agree with this settlement.

/off soapbox

Speaking of stupidly…


Freakazoid!


I swear I must have watched this about a dozen times

For a guy who's rarely viewed for his television work, Steven Spielberg sure produced many popular animated hits on the boob tube including Tiny Toon Adventures, Animaniacs, Pinky and the Brain, and naturally the super-teen extraordinaire who runs around in underwear blue freak man, Freakzoid.

Freakazoid premiered on September 9, 1995 on Kids WB, the cartoon broadcast dedicated to weekday afternoon and Saturday morning cartoons. The show would spoof on the superhero genre in which the main superhero was an out of control lunatic with a spastic personality. With the team of Spielberg, Bruce Timm (Batman: The Animated Series and Superman: The Animated Series fame), and Paul Dini (ditto) being involved in this series, it looked to be like another winner for Team Spielberg.

How right they were.

Freakazoid tells the life of another geek teenager Dexter Douglas who, according to the opening theme clip, gets sucked in the Internet and gets zapped in cyberspace. Many have dreamed of venturing into the world of the Internet hoping for a fun and educational learning experience and…ah, who am I kidding…you're just going to go straight to the porn. Nobody wants to get sucked into the Internet just to learn about its resources or reading the latest editorials on a possible soda tax. You sicken me.

Uh…anyway, Dexter gets sucked into the Internet and turns into the blue-skinned weirdo Freakazoid. By shouting "Freak out!", Dexter would turn into the outrageous super strong lightning fast superhero to fight crime and do other common superhero stuff. He also runs while stretching his arms out and going "whoosh"! His job - to stand up to gallery of colorful bullies/villains who cause bad stuff to happen and make sure he gives him a timeout…unless he doesn't feel like playing superhero at the time. He can be very easily distracted, which is usually the cause of his downfall for a brief period.

Did I also mention he's not all right in the head?


Dumb!

Not helping in containing the sanity is a ridiculous collection of characters seen in the show. Let's start with the villains: the giant-brain headed man called The Lobe (considered as Freakazoid's main rival), brutish Ivy-League-educated Cave Guy, Cobra Queen, and man-turned-bull Longhorn. That's just scratching the surface since there's a lot more characters to deal with. I think Officer Cosgrove, other than Freakazoid, is my favorite character on the show. His nonchalant attitude and deadpan expression towards everything makes him a great character to get behind. He also likes to take Freakazoid to fun places (such as watching a bear ride a motorcycle or going out for sno-cone) at the most inappropriate times. Just hearing him say "Hey, cut it out" in a calm monotone way is hilarious.

How about Freakazoid's superhero buddies: Lord Bravery, Charles Heston-inspired The Huntsman, Fatman and Bob Blubber, and Lawn Gnomes. Then there's the ubercrazy celebrity stalker "Fanboy"…I think that's pretty self-explanatory.

This show is incredibly zany and very self-aware of their zaniness. Freakazoid features a balanced mix of goofiness and surreal humor to play off Freakazoid's antics followed by more pop culture references. The show differs from other non-Spielberg animated shows in that Freakazoid is a wacky collection of short stories and sketches expressing what a crazy character this blue-skinned crazy man is. There are certain stories that do build up to last a full episode but for the most part, Freakazoid likes to be the center of attention and thus the viewers are treated to Saturday Night Live-like sketches where Freakazoid's attention-whore frolics is definitely proven. Well, It is his show after all.


And that's why WB no longer exists.

Freakazoid is a great cartoon that's obviously not meant for children, despite being billed as such. I don't think many children would get most of the pop culture references. Quantum Leap jokes does not go well with children but they do go well with the cartoon fanatic and young adult crowd. It was part of the reason why Freakazoid couldn't gather enough ratings to avoid cancellation. The other reasons were the frequently timeslot shifts, appealing to the wrong target audience, and the ever popular "they didn't get it" plea. Bruce Timm was very outspoken with the network's handling of Freakazoid and he didn't make any plans to hide it.

Freakazoid straddles the line between children's cartoon show and an Adult Swim animated show. It's not quite Adult Swim but it's not quite for children either. The comedy is surreal, the characters never dip below "sane", and the show is hilariously spontaneous if not sightly annoying at times. Plus the frantic pace of Freakazoid (both show and character) never becomes too boring. If you're a fan of Spielberg's other animated works, then there's no reason why you shouldn't like this show either.

We are mostly in agreement that Freakazoid was tragically cut short. The show only lasted for 24 episodes (September 9, 1995 - June 1, 1997) but what a blast those 24 episodes were.

So go out and unleash your inner Freakazoid to the public. Just don't use this column as "Evidence #1" when the cops beat your weird butt red for acting like everyone's favorite crazy blue-skinned superhero.


A battle royale for Steven's affection results in favor of...

Wait…blue-skinned freaks…James Cameron is not only a loser but a thief too! For shame.


Commercial Break


Catchphrase!

Love it. It's like a cliff note version to "How to Win an Academy Award" or "Making Award Nominated Movies" for Dummies. No wonder Hurt Locker won.


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Syndication Files Upcoming Show Listing

3/3/10 - Mystery Science Theater 3000

3/10/10 - Cancellation Compilation II – Animation Edition

3/17/10 - X-Files - It's coming next…

3/24/10 - Whose Line Is It Anyway? - My favorite show featuring Drew Carey evar~!!!111

3/31/10 - My Name is Earl - Karma is a funny thing and so is this show.

4/7/10 – Dragonball Z - The wait for this anime classic is about as long as their infamous drawn out fights. We shouldn't have to wait over 9000(~!) days before we watch someone power up and that's just the pre-fight battles!

4/21/10 – Firefly - Biggest. Tease. Ever! I put it this far down on purpose too. I'm such a stinker.

4/28/10 – To Catch a Predator - With special guest star Pedobear...if he's not too busy pedobearing it up, of course.


Ending Credits

I still can't believe someone who was involved in Speed 2: Cruise Control, the worst movie I've ever seen in theaters, won an academy award. I don't think I can ever take another award show seriously again.

Lindsay Lohan suing E-Trade over the use of her name in a commercial sounds something that Freakazoid would do. Well, she is a freak of a different sort. Dumbest lawsuit ever but Lindsay does look like she needs someone to help stabilize her life. So Mr. Lohan, I want to introduce you to a good friend of mine. I don't know if you know him but he is pretty well known as the starting quarterback for the Pittsburgh Steelers...

And with that, I'm out of time. Out like James Carmon's dignity.