Ten Deep 04.08.10: The Top 10 Worst 3D Films

Posted by Mike Gorman on 04.08.2010

What do Clash of the Titans, a Jonas Brothers’ concert and Freddy Krueger have in common? They all make Mike Gorman’s list of the worst 3D movies ever! Check out this week’s Ten Deep to see what films join them.

"The Top Ten Worst 3D Films"

These days it seems like every film coming out, or at least every film announced is going to be in 3D. Is this a good thing or just the rise in popularity of a gimmick? This past weekend's release of Clash of the Titans leads me to think that maybe making a film in 3D is not always a positive thing. This got me thinking about other 3D bombs that we have experienced over the years.

You'll notice that I have excluded the campy 3D flicks of the 50's from this listing. I did this intentionally because I think that they represent their own genre of film; One where the 3D effects were fresh and new, and yes completely inadequate, but also created a special feeling amongst movies goers. It is that very excitement of the past that I would love to see the 3D films of today generate. Will this ever truly happen? I guess we will see. Until that day, we will have to content ourselves with discussions like the one to follow...




10. Clash of the Titans

Let me first state a bias, in that the original Clash of the Titans holds a special spot in my heart. That said, I am not sure how this film topped the box office this weekend aside from premiering along side a pretty week field of films. The story and acting lack the heart of the original and the 3D effects are just terrible. This is an instance where they do actually harm the film they are meant to support.






9. Monsters Vs. Aliens

This is the film I am sure will draw me some heat from all of you commenters out there but I have to say that I found it terribly underwhelming and quite boring. By the end of the first 45 minutes or so the slow moving story had lost my interest and the lackluster visuals really did have me wanting to leave the theater. Do not get me wrong, I am a fan of 3D animated films, Cloudy with a Chance of Meatballs was one of my favorite films of the year, but I just felt that this is one that failed to deliver on its hype. I feel bad for people buying 3D TVs now because most stores are tossing this film in free.






8. Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

I am one of the biggest Elm Street fans out there and man did this one break my heart. No, not because they were killing Freddy but because they did it in suck a lackluster way. The film itself had a dreadful plot and suffered from terrible direction. It was as if they intended the film to mock the original series. I know from seeing several documentaries that there were a lot of different discussions about the script for this film and one of the originals featured the return of Jacob, the Dream Child, alongside the Dream Warriors from the third film. I wish that they had chosen to go with a more continuity driven ending to the series than the mishmash they ended up with. Oh, and what about that ridiculous 3D sequence at the end of the film, where one of the main characters actual puts on 3D glasses. Really? At least there were three floating worms that looked like something out of a Monty Python skit. Seriously. Freddy deserved better.






7. Jaws 3D

One of many films on this list who's tag lines included the phrase "(fill in the blank) takes on a new dimension!" Get it? It's in 3D and that means 3 Dimensions! That corny joke is one of the best things about this film that not only bastardized a franchise that had remained pretty frightening in its first sequel but also denigrated one of our countries greatest theme parks, Sea World. I think the thing that really got me the most upset about this film is its many glaring inconsistencies. Yes it is a fictional story but did they have to move Sea World so that they could have a reason for a shark entering their waters? Am I splitting hairs? Maybe. So let's also address who utterly ridiculous the shark effects were. Did they not remember it was the anticipation of the shark that made Jaws terrifying? This is definitely a case of too much of a good thing being a bad thing. I should also point out the slow moving impact scene where the shark is headed to the underwater control booth. A scene meant to be suspenseful ended up a hilarious mess.






6. Spy Kids 3D: Game Over

What's worse than a bunch of well known actors (Hi Sylvester, Antonio, and Salma!) going through the motions with no connection their characters being led by a well known and talented director who claims to be doing this project for his kids but really seems motivated by a paycheck? That whole mess in 3D. Even kids can tell when a movie is in cruise control and has lost contact with the creative process.






5. The Final Destination

Here we have a film that did not even need to be made. Instead it seems that somewhere there was a group of producers in a room tossing ideas around, maybe pulling cards out of a hat with random movie properties and ideas out of them. Eventually they got to the Final Destination franchise and someone, again probably drunk or high, said "Wouldn't it be awesome to see those kids die in 3D?" I know some folks out there are fans of the gratuitous deaths for death's sake scenes that populate these films but for me they have lost their shine. It would nice if we could care about the people being killed, just a little, so that when they are killed there is some heightened sense of emotion. It seems that this final time around that was too much to ask for.






4. My Bloody Valentine

Horror remakes are running amok in Hollywood and this 3D pile of steaming crap by no means supports the case for making more of them. I'd go into more detail but this film was so painful to watch that I would rather not relive it. Please just take my word for it.






3. Friday the 13th Part 3

One of the faults of bad 3D is that they often have characters pick up and manipulate items to specifically make them seem like they are coming out of the screen. This "Oooh look at that, it's in 3D!" effect gets old very fast. Friday the 13th Part 3 is a text book example of this phenomenon. This film makes the list because sadly it was one of the best Friday films made in terms of plot and direction, but it was sidelined by the shoe-horned 3D effects. The story here picks right up from the end of the second film in the series and is a treat for fans of strong continuity.






2. Amityville 3D

And here we have the third film that forms the triptych of terrible 80's sequels in 3D, alongside Jaws III and Friday the 13th Part 3. What makes this one worse than the others? Well besides the fact that is a second sequel stretched out from a film that really cannot support a franchise, Amityville 3D is devoid of all of things that makes the terrible horror films of the 80s fun. There are not enough cheap scares, skin, or blood. The highlight of the film is a quick role featuring a young Meg Ryan. Not because she is any good but it is just neat to see someone before they were famous. This film is also the perfect storm of bad in that it combines a horrible film with even worse 3D effects. When watching this film it becomes hard to remember that Amityville was actually once a pretty creepy place on the big screen,




And lastly…




1. Jonas Brothers: The 3D Concert Experience

I find it absolutely reprehensible that I even need to justify this selection. Here we have a pre-fab Disneyfied pop trio being sold to their brainwashed masses in a package wrapped up in glitz and glitter. Looking more like a Teen Beat photo shoot and less like an actual concert this film is pure garbage. Of course it is the favorite film, well aside from Twilight, of my 10 year old cousin and her friends. The film, if it can be called a film, utilizes 3D effects to try and bury any semblance of an actual concert. It is spoon fed teeny bopper crap that I almost feel sorry about ranking but then I realized that it was given a theatrical release that was pretty popular and is enjoying a pretty successful life on DVD. So therefore it needs to be stopped before it causes a collapse of our space time continuum!



So as you can see it isn't always bad 3D effects that make a 3D movie bad, sometimes it is the movie itself. Maybe 3D effects have just become a scapegoat when it comes to sloppy film making? Or maybe the novelty has truly lost its shine. Put on your red and blue glasses, fire up your keyboards and let me know what you think!


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