TV Rants and Raves 05.26.10

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 05.26.2010

Rants and Raves about the season finales of “Brothers & Sisters,” “Grey’s Anatomy,” “Private Practice,” and “Bones” and the premiere of “The Good Guys,” two more Complete Lies, a Featured Bit on the CBS and ABC Fall 2010 TV schedules, Rand Paul wins a special award, my Indy 500 top5, and more!

Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the TV centric internets column that has never been convicted in absentia, TV Rants and Raves. I'm Bryan Kristopowitz.

Before I get into the main part of the column, isn't it about time someone invented a DVR machine that allowed you to record multiple things at the same time while actively watching something else? And by "multiple things" I mean like five or more things? I think it is.



If you're a TV nerd like me or Al Norton you've got two or more DVR's recording programs at various times of the day, recording replays in the wee hours of the morning because there are just too many shows to watch that are on at the same time. You probably also have multiple VCR's recording stuff, too (I refuse to leave the 20th century, man. I love my VCR. I don't give a shit if it is a dead technology). This is all a lot of work. There needs to be a way to consolidate this into one machine that allows multiple recordings at the same time.



This is possible, isn't it?

Wait, what? Stop watching so much TV? Get a life? What kind of bullshit is that, man? I need my TV. All of my TV.

Someone has to be working on this, right? And there are other nerds pining for this kind of thing, right? I'm not the only one that needs this, right? Right?

Okay, now with that out of the way, onto the main part of the column:


TV Rants and Raves

- "Brothers & Sisters" Season Finale thoughts: The big question that ABC'S Sunday night drama "Brothers & Sisters" needed to answer as it entered its fourth season finale was how would it get rid of Rob Lowe's Senator Robert McCallister, as it was announced earlier in the year that Lowe would not be returning to the show in the fall of 2010. Would Lowe's character be written out with the possibility that he could come back from time to time or would he be killed off, never to return again (because, you know, he's dead)?



The show decided to kill Robert off. They killed him in a horrendous car accident that also seriously hurt Patricia Wettig's Holly (is she dead, too? She could be, but I have my doubts. Why kill her?). Also involved in the accident were Kevin and his boyfriend Scotty, Sally Field's Nora Walker, Robert's wife Kitty, and Ron Rifkin's Saul Holden.

Now, what does this car accident really mean? Rumors are running rampant that the show is going to jump ahead a year (sort of like how "Desperate Housewives" did) and that the next season is going to jump back and forth between "the present" and the "past year." It sure as heck looked as though Robert was dead, but there's a chance that the show could have him "survive" in the hospital, as a vegetable, for an episode or two. I also wouldn't be surprised if Holly's death leads to Justin breaking up with Rebecca (they've been on the verge of a major break up the whole season. Look at what happened when Justin wanted to go to Haiti and Rebecca decided to take that big job offer instead. Justin wanted out right then and there). If Holly isn't dead, well, the show could go anywhere.



I'm sure we're going to see extensive flashbacks of Saul dealing with his HIV diagnosis. I'm not sure what we're going to see in those flashbacks, though. Will we see some kind of confrontation between Saul and whomever gave him HIV? And how long will it take for Saul to get full blown AIDS? You know it's going to happen at some point. "Brothers & Sisters" is a TV show, after all.

And what the heck is Calista Flockhart's Kitty McCallister going to do now that her Senator husband is dead or a vegetable? Will she continue on with her campaign for Senate, or will the stress of Robert's incapacitation force her to drop out? I'm thinking that Kitty is going to end up winning the election so the show can "explore" Washington DC and politics more intimately. It's a situation that would allow Flockhart to take some time off from the show (she said earlier this year that she'd be open to doing half a season as opposed to a full season). She can spend most of her time in Washington and "stay in touch" with the family via internet IM and phone calls where we never hear her voice or see her talking on the phone on the other side.

I do hope that the show explains the overall significance of the mysterious Narrow Lake now that they all know what it is (it's filled with fresh water). California has water problems? That's news to me within the context of the show. Is this aquifer really going to be the thing that helps restart Ojai Foods? For some reason that sounds like a bit of a stretch. And what the heck is Dennis going to do now? Is he still going to be around a year from now?



It'll be interesting to see where the show decides to go if it does do the "jump a year ahead" thing. Will the first episode of the new season be, well, weird as a result?


- "Grey's Anatomy" Season Finale thoughts: Well, that was quite the season finale, wasn't it? The great Michael O'Neill, armed with a handgun, walks around Seattle Grace hospital looking for Patrick Dempsey's Derek Shepherd, the man that "killed" O'Neill's wife earlier in the season. It takes him about an hour to find him, and in the meantime O'Neill's Gary Clark kills a bunch of people in frustration (look at what he did to poor Reed. Shot that poor woman right in the fucking head). And when he finally finds Shepherd Clark shoots him in the chest.



"Motherfucker."

Of course, there had to be a bunch of whiny bullshit involving Meredith Grey and her pal Cristina thrown into the mix because it wouldn't be "Grey's Anatomy" without that. Meredith had a miscarriage, right, because of the stress of watching her husband almost die? That's why she threw away the pregnancy test, right? Why the hell wasn't Meredith bleeding all over the place (this is a TV show, where that kind of thing always happens with miscarriages)? And why the hell didn't she get shot, too? Why didn't Clark pump a bullet into her abdomen when she told him to shoot her in the operating room? That would have been pretty dramatic.

And why the hell does Owen still want Cristina? Hasn't this relationship run its course? Owen should go after Kim Raver's Teddy instead. That relationship won't go anywhere but at least it will provide a different kind of whining. That's all I'm really looking for in this show. New whining.





I'm not sure if I totally buy Arizona's sudden change of heart when it comes to having kids with Callie. Up until the finale Arizona was adamant that she didn't want children. In fact, she broke up with Callie over it. But now she's ready to have kids with her girlfriend/potential soul mate? I just have my doubts that she's going to go through with it.



And I think it's about time that Dr. Sloan gives up on his daughter and his grandkid and start fresh with a family that he creates deliberately. He'll be better off emotionally if he does it that way. If he keeps hankering for a meaningful relationship with his daughter it's just going to end badly. Send her a check every month and be done with it. Is that cold and nasty? Yeah, probably, but it's really for the best for everyone. These people just don't belong together.



Aha! Could Sloan end up being the sperm donor for Arizona and Callie's baby? Is that possible?

Now, Lexie Grey should stop hanging out with Alex Karev because Karev is a fucking douchebag. In fact, everyone needs to stop hanging out with Alex Karev. I can't stand that prick. Why the hell is Karev still on the show anyway? Is he really that appealing to female and gay viewers?



"I am a big fucking douchebag."

The budding relationship between Miranda Bailey and the anesthesiologist should provide some interesting viewing because it's never going to stop being awkward for Bailey. Bailey, even when she's comfortable with someone or something, is incredibly uptight. And I wouldn't be surprised if she ends up screwing this whole thing up. I don't know how she'll screw it up but she will.



So what will the next season bring us? Derek Shepherd is going to resign as chief-of-surgery because he hates the job and, well, he's been incapacitated by that bullet to the chest. Will Richard Webber be brought back into the job? I hope so because he seems to be the only one of the bunch that knows what the hell he's doing. Of course, the show could bring in someone new to play the chief of surgery, like James Spader or someone like that (Spader excels at playing arrogant pricks. Imagine what he could do on a doctor show like "Grey's Anatomy").

Will Meredith try to get pregnant again? Do you think she's done with the whole baby thing now that she's hard, I assume, a miscarriage? Is that what the first part of the next season is going to be about?


- "Private Practice" Season Finale thoughts: Am I the only one that thinks killing Dell is no big deal? I mean, sure, it's sad that he had to go out like a punk with a massive brain injury, but it wasn't the same as someone like Tim Daly's Pete dying. That would have been a real blow to the show. Dell dying, not so much.



Why did Amy Brenneman's Violet have to come back? The show was so much better with her not in it. The whining average was way down, making the show much more enjoyable (Addison sure tried to pick up the slack there for a few episodes but thankfully that shit ended). And I think that Pete is making a huge mistake having Violet in his life. I don't give a shit if Violet is the mother of Pete's child Violet should be kept several miles away from any and all children, not to mention the rest of the cast. Good God I can't stand her.



"It's my show."

I'm also getting sick and fucking tired of Cooper and his bullshit with Charlotte. What the hell does Charlotte see in Cooper to begin with? I just don't get the attraction. Cooper would be better off hanging out with his best buddy in the whole world, Violet, whining about how much their lives suck. Let Charlotte move on to Brian Benben's Sheldon, which is a much more interesting relationship than Charlotte and Cooper. Is Benben now a full on regular cast member? I sure as heck hope so. He makes the show better.



What the heck is Addison going to do now that she's banged Taye Diggs' Sam? And what is Sam going to do now that he's banged Addison? What else is there left to do for either of them? Are they going to get married next season? What is that going to do to Naomi? Naomi has blessed their relationship but you know she's going to start some shit eventually (that's what Naomi does. She's good at it. And now that that William White is about to die she's going to get even more depressed). And what the heck is Naomi going to do with Gabriel? Is that relationship going to go anywhere?

I will make a prediction about next season. Next season Addison, Sam, Naomi, Pete, Violet, Cooper, and Sheldon are going to get together and start working for the same company again. I mean, they all work for different companies now but it's not like that keeps them away from one another for long stretches of time. It's time to go back to what the first season was basically about. Everyone whining under one roof.



"The only thing I'm going to whine about is my lack of residuals from "I Come in Peace.' I know they made money on that fucking thing."





- "Bones" Season Finale thoughts: Was I the only one under whelmed by how "Bones" ended its season? I mean, sure, lots of stuff happened (Booth is going back into the Army for a year, Angela and Hodgins announced to everyone that they're married, Bones and Sweets are doing shit, etc.) but what's really going to change in the end?

Nothing.

Everyone is going to be back next season. The show is probably going to do that thing for a few episodes where everyone is tentative with everyone else because they haven't seen one another in a good long time but that crap is going to stop soon. The usual dynamic will be back sooner rather than later. What the heck could the show change to make it all that different from the way it is now? Split up Bones and Booth?

Like that's going to happen. They'll be together until the show ends or David Boreanaz fails to come to a new deal.

The one thing I am surprised the show went back to was the relationship between Angela and Hodgins. I figured that once they broke up that would be it. We'd have a year, maybe two of weird moments where Angela and Hodgins would talk about "what they had," but then they would go their separate ways again. Now they're freaking married and they seem to be happy about it. So how long will the marriage last?



If it were up to me I'd keep Angela and Hodgins married because they're an interesting couple and they work well together. It would also be interesting to see how a married couple could work within the Jeffersonian (how long would it take for Bones to get annoyed by it?). But I have a feeling that the show is going to break them up again. It's too easy a story to do.

So now that we know Bones and Booth are never going to get together because they tried when they first met and it didn't work out how long do you think it will take for the show to get them together anyway? Do you think that's how their "new" relationship, once Booth comes back from the war zone, will start?

One more thing: do you think the show will do a story where Booth is captured by terrorists in Afghanistan?


And finally,



- "The Good Guys" sneak preview thoughts: "The Good Guys," the new cop show on Fox that's set to air on Mondays this summer (it's also on the Fall schedule, on Fridays after "Human Target"), is pretty dang funny. The problem with the show is that it's not funny enough.

The show, starring Bradley Whitford as an alcoholic, down on his luck pseudo Burt Reynolds type cop named Dan Stark, and Colin Hanks as Jack, a young, by-the-book detective stuck partnering with Jack in the general investigations division, tries to straddle the line between being an old school buddy cop action show and a parody of those buddy cop action shows from the 1970's. Whitford and Hanks have good comic timing and charisma together, which will help the show find an audience. The action bits are well done for a television show but they're not as interesting as they could be. To me, the shootouts were the only thing that worked in the pilot. The car chase at the end didn't (kudos on the use of the Trans Am, though).

The show should stay away from heavy drama. You can tell that it's going to do a story in a future episode dealing with Dan's past and his old partner and how close they were. And it's going to be heartfelt and sad and totally wrong for the show. The show stick to comedy and always focus on that. A situation can start out with a serious tone but it should always end with a laugh. That's what likely killed the great "The Unusuals" on ABC. Not enough laughs.

I also think the show shouldn't have Dan and Jack's rather mundane investigations end up uncovering massive criminal enterprises in every episode. That's going to get old very, very quickly. They should alternate between uncovering massive criminal enterprises and going too far investigating total bullshit (like they're investigating a series of lawn mower thefts that ends up with Dan calling in a SWAT team when he finds a garage filled with lawn mowers).

If Fox does right by the show and tweaks it a bit to make it funnier, "The Good Guys" could have a good, long life at the network. But this is the modern Fox we're talking about here. The network will cancel it and "Human Target" the same week and put "House" reruns on Friday nights. That's what people want to see.



"I don't want to see that."

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And now, a shameless plug for TLC



Mall cops don't get much respect, mostly because people don't understand what it is mall cops actually do. To most people, mall cops are just guys in uniforms walking around the mall, talking on walkie talkies and checking out the women in short shorts. Mall cops do do that stuff, but they do a bunch of other stuff, too. Want to see what else they do? Then check out "Mall Cops: Mall of America" Thursdays at 10pm on The Learning Channel. Here's a sneak peak:



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Complete Lies

Once again, I engage in deliberate lying for your reading/entertainment pleasure. The following two things are not true. At all. There is no reason to believe anything here because I've made it all up. You have been warned. Enjoy.



- Noted movie and TV star Martin Mull ("Take This Job and Shove It," "Mr. Mom," "America 2-Night," "Roseanne") is set to star in a new cable reality series this fall for the E! Channel where he will be "pushing his body and his mind to the limit" doing incredibly stupid stuff for no reason at all. The one hour "Stupid Sh*t with Martin Mull" will air weekly for thirteen weeks on Sunday nights at 8:30pm.

In the inaugural episode, Mull will be traveling to a landfill in Denver, Colorado where he will be jumping piles of smelly garbage in a golf cart.

"Look, I'm 67 years old. If I'm going to do a zany reality show now is the time to do it. I'm not getting any younger," Mull recently said on a conference call with reporters. "E! said they wanted me, that had the right look and reputation for this kind of show, and they gave me a substantial check. How do I say 'no' to something like that?"

In later episodes Mull will be rolled down a hill while inside a "full portajohn," will try not to blow his hand off while engaging in a "see who can hold a hand grenade the longest without it exploding" contest with special guest Fred Willard, and will see how many veggie burgers he can eat before he throws up.

"Yeah, we're ripping off 'Jackass' here a little bit, but so what? It's TV. TV is all about copying and ripping people off. As long as people are interested in watching, and the E! people think people are, what's the harm?"

"And besides," Mull said, "the check cleared. That's what's really important."

"Stupid Sh*t with Martin Mull" starts this September 12th.






- Ernie Hudson, Winston Zeddmore in the classic "Ghostbusters" movie franchise, is set to star in a new infomercial for the Fat Guy Bean Bag Chair Company out of Alden, Iowa.

"I've been a bean bag chair guy for a long time and these Fat Guy people put out a good product," the noted movie and TV character actor said during a recent press conference. "Why wouldn't I want to be associated with a product I believe in?"

The Fat Guy Bean Bag Chair Company has been around for thirty years, producing the best bean bag chairs for a majority of those three decades according to "Bean Bag Chair Magazine." "They had some stiff competition in the late 1990's but Galoot Bean Bag Chairs Ltd. went out of business after the infamous 'Tom Noonan incident' in Georgia. It's been the Fat Guy guys on top ever since," said Ralph Uter, editor of "BBCM."

But why Ernie Hudson? "Probably because people sort of recognize him, and in the infomercial world that helps. Look at Tom Bosley," Uter said. "Ernie has just the right kind of look, reputation, and skill to make this infomercial work."

"Look, I'm always up for a challenge," Hudson said. "And this infomercial deal is a big challenge. I've never tried to sell anything besides myself. I think I can do a good job and sell these Fat Guy guys bean bag chairs."

The infomercial, set to air later this summer, will be on both cable and network television. "Keep your eyes out for my infomercial. I will make you want to buy a bean bag chair."



***

The TV Rants and Raves Theme Song of the Week

Enjoy.



***

And now, Dr. Phil.



"Never fuck a chick in a tent in the woods. You're just asking for trouble. The sex could be terrible, you may want to run out of the tent without your clothes on in disgust and scratch your balls accidentally on some tree branches. Or she could run out of the tent to piss, squat down, get poison ivy or something like that on her snatch and then your weekend in ruined. 'It itches! It itches!' Fuck that shit. You're better off just pitching a tent in your garage. You've got a bathroom, TV, and food nearby, plus air conditioning in the event it's fucking hot outside. You really don't want to start sweating before you start sweating. And if the fucking fucking sucks you don't have to go far for porn. It's all in your living room, man. Fuck this 'communing with nature' shit. The only thing I want is a hot bitch to commune with my cock. That's what I'm about."

My God, Phil, you are such an asshole.

***

And now, the weekly Fearnet update

Do you have Fearnet on your cable/satellite system? If you do, you're lucky because it's the only free all horror/thriller on Demand station going (it's also one of the few places that is proud of B-movies). If you're a Time Warner cable subscriber, you don't have it. You probably used to have it, but it was snatched away from you last year. But there is a way to see what Fearnet has to offer. Just go here.

Yes, that's the Fearnet website, where you can check out the free movies Fearnet has to offer (the site gets new ones every Wednesday), horror news, and more. That 3-D remake of "Night of the Living Dead" starring Sid Haig was on there last week. Is it still there? Check and see. The site also has a pretty nifty web series featuring Freddy Krueger hisself, Robert Englund, and Kane "Jason Voorhees" Hodder, "Fear Clinic" that's definitely worth a look.



If you're a Facebook nerd you can check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them.

(As always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement).

***

And now, a little bit about "Live Evil"




"Live Evil," the great new Tim Thomerson vampire flick (also featuring an appearance by horror legend Ken Foree) is currently on Video on Demand. Check out my review for the flick here, and then, if it's on your cable system, order it. It's a great flick that's well worth the price.

According to the flick's Facebook page, "Live Evil" will hit DVD July 13th, 2010 and that it can now be pre-ordered on Amazon.com. July 13th, 2010 is getting closer and closer. That's just damn cool.

If you're a reader from Germany, though, you can go to the amazon German site and order the flick right now. Lucky bastards.

Be sure to keep an eye on the flick's MySpace page and the flick's Facebook page for further updates/developments.

"Live Evil" will be here soon for everyone to enjoy. I, for one, can't wait for that moment.





***
Featured Bit: The upcoming Fall TV schedule: CBS and ABC

Last issue I took a look at the Fall 2010 schedules of NBC and Fox. In this issue I'm going to take a look at the schedules for CBS and ABC. There's some interesting stuff going on at both networks this fall.



"Motherfucker."

Over at CBS the network has decided to cancel "Ghost Whisperer," which is pretty dang shocking (it usually won its time slot, as far as I know it still had a pretty decent rating, and it's just really getting started in the syndication world), and "Cold Case," which isn't all that shocking but still sad. "Cold Case" was a good show to watch on Sunday nights. But, with the show's ratings not as strong as they used to be and the song clearance budget likely expanding (I'm sure the Rolling Stones are not cheap) it was time for CBS to let it go. The show will have a nice syndicated life over on TNT (I saw on zap2it that it's going to be hard for the show ever to hit DVD because of the show's music. You'd think an agreement would have already been made about that stuff).



CBS has also decided to move some of its shows around. "Survivor" has been moved to Wednesday nights at 8pm to act as a lead in for "Criminal Minds" and new lawyer show "The Defenders" (it's a show about Las Vegas defense attorneys that will feature Jerry O'Connell and Jim Belushi). "CSI: NY," which has been kicking ass on Wednesday nights for years, has been moved to Fridays at 9PM, which doesn't make much sense to me. The show will do fine on Fridays (it'll easily be the top show on Friday nights) but it seems like a weird move. Even weirder is the network's decision to move "CSI: Miami" to Sunday nights at 10pm and placing the "Hawaii Five-O" remake on Mondays. Are people going to want to watch Horatio and the "CSI: Miami" crew on Sundays? Is CBS upset with the show for some reason? Look at what's happened to the recent shows CBS has put on Sunday nights. "The Unit." Gone. "Three Rivers." Gone. "Cold Case." Gone.



And then there's the big move to Thursday nights of "The Big Bang Theory." Why move this show again? It was perfect at 8:30pm when it started. Then it was moved to 9:30pm, which provided a great lead in ratings wise for "CSI: Miami." Now it's going to be on Thursday nights acting as a lead in for new sitcom "Shit My Dad Says" starring William Shatner. "BBT" just signed a huge rerun deal with TBS. What the heck happens if the show tanks on Thursday nights? Is CBS going to be able to move the show back to Mondays?

CBS thankfully ended "Accidentally on Purpose" and "Gary Unmarried" (that show had its moments but it needed to be retooled). For some reason the network didn't cancel "Rules of Engagement," which is just awful. How the hell does the network keep that shit on?



"Hi, I'm Tom Selleck. I'm cool."

On the new show front, sitcom "Mike and Molly" looks funny. And the great Tom Selleck is back with a new cop show called "Blue Bloods" (wasn't this show originally called "Reagan's Law" or something like that?). Donnie Wahlberg and Will Estes are going to join Tom as part of a family of New York City cops. It's going to be on Fridays at 10pm, against that new Jimmy Smits lawyer show on NBC. Is Tom going to be a big enough draw to make a show successful on Friday nights?

"Flashpoint" is coming back for the summer, finally. Friday June 4th is the show's return date. And the "Criminal Minds" spin-off is apparently going to show up in mid-season. You'd think that CBS would want that show on in the fall (and you'd think that the network would provide us with a fucking name for the show. Are they really going to call it "Criminal Minds: the Spin-Off?").

Over at ABC they're apparently interested in picking up the recently cancelled "New Adventures of Old Christine" sitcom from CBS ("Scrubs" didn't work out, but, hey, why not try again?). The overall schedule seems to be more or less the same as this season, but the network has a bunch of new shows that look kind of okay.



"Detroit 187" sounds promising (I don't think anyone has done a series where it's all a pseudo documentary about cops doing stuff). "No Ordinary Family" looks fun (a show about a family of superheroes? Why not see if it works). The big new show on ABC is the Dan Delaney show "Body of Evidence," where Delaney, fresh off "Desperate Housewives," will play a medical examiner investigating crimes. Jeri Ryan is apparently also part of the show (that's quite the cast right there, just those two). It's on Friday nights for some reason, so we'll see how long it lasts (what the hell is the deal with Fridays this fall? Why does Friday seem like the most competitive night of television all of a sudden?).

ABC decided to cancel "Flashforward," which isn't all that surprising (they should have done what Fox did with "24," run the show from beginning to end with no breaks. The show probably would have achieved a second season that way) and they've decided to keep "V." Now, I haven't seen "V" yet, but with "Lost" gone and "Flashforward" cancelled (and that "Happy Town" show has been moved to the summer to die) it sure seems like ABC is pinning its sci-fi nerd hopes on that show. Is the show as disappointing as some critics suggest it is?

It'll be interesting to see how these schedule changes and new shows work out. "Survivor" on Wednesdays? Dana Delaney on Friday nights?


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The TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week





This week, the TV Rants and Raves Douchebag of the Week goes to Kentucky Republican Rand Paul for his recent remarks regarding the 1964 Civil Rights Act. I know Rand has tried to distance himself from what he said to that lesbian Rachel Maddow and has tried to make his casual racism no big deal. "He's just being a libertarian! He doesn't want government interfering in people's lives! He believes in freedom!"

Yeah, sure he does. And I'm sure he really believes that the teabagger movement started because of "high taxes" and not because the President is black. I don't think there's any question now what the teabagger movement and its cheerleaders are really all about. It has nothing to do with demanding fiscal discipline from the federal government or taxes or "losing freedom" or any of that hooey. Rand Paul told us what they believe in.

The sad thing is, even with this information, Paul is probably going to win anyway. Because that's how sick the world really is.



And then there's Connecticut Democratic hopeful for the U.S. Senate Richard Blumenthal, for lying about his military service in Vietnam. Good going, Dick. You essentially had the election in the bag. And then you got caught in a big fucking lie, a lie you've been engaging in for years. Did you really think that no one would ever look into what you actually did back during Vietnam? Are you that fucking stupid? And now, this bullshit that you are directly responsible for could very well tip the election to the disgusting Linda McMahon. Linda fucking McMahon! You better unfuck this situation, Dick, otherwise you're going to be responsible for the loss of official statehood for Connecticut. Do you really want to see that happen?



And finally there's the Connecticut state Republican Party for picking Linda fucking McMahon to be its candidate for U.S. Senate. Is Linda McMahon really the best you have? Are you people serious? There's no one else in the state that can run?

Linda McMahon is just as despicable as her husband Vince. The only redeeming thing about her is that she's not a religious fanatic, although I wouldn't be surprised if that shit changed during the general election if she makes it (she still has to win the Republican primary). Is this really what the world has come to? Linda fucking McMahon?

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And now, your weekly "Jericho" update




Okay, so, according to various people in the know when it comes to what's really happening with the "Jericho" comic book, the delay in releasing issue #4 has something to do with CBS and not with Devils Due Publishing. CBS, which essentially owns "Jericho," has a special announcement coming soon in regards to what's happening. At this moment the book has not been cancelled (it's been a top seller so why the heck would CBS want to get rid of it?) and the trade paperback is still expected to come out in August. Hopefully we haven't seen the last of the "Jericho" comic (again, it's a top seller so why would you want to stop producing something oodles of people want to read?) but then again this is the comic book business. This kind of thing happens all of the time (I'm still waiting for the next issue of "Metal Militia," a comic book that was cancelled over fifteen years ago).

Keep checking out http://www.savingjericho.com and http://jerichocomic.squarespace.com/ for up-to-date information regarding the "Jericho" comic plus other "Jericho" related stuff (the Epix story keeps getting more and more interesting every week. Could Epix restart the "Jericho" TV show? It sure seems possible). And keep an eye on http://www.devilsdue.net/, the online home of Devil's Due Publishing, for information regarding future issues and everything else Devil's Due puts out (Go here to find a local comic book shop near you if you haven't done so already. It's always good to know where your local comic book shop is regardless).

And remember that you can still purchase the entire "Jericho" run on DVD. Go here to buy the entire series. If you're not into the whole "buying the entire series in one package" thing, you can get each season individually. Buy season 1 here, and season two here.

We have to keep the faith here, folks. It's not as bad as it seems. We have to remain positive and maybe, just maybe, we'll hear something good from the fine people at CBS very, very soon.

Long live "Jericho!" Don't let it die!



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Indycar and NASCAR thoughts



Well, Indy 500 time trials were pretty dang exciting, weren't they? The new pole day format, with the fastest nine having to requalify in the last ninety minutes in a shootout was well done and more interesting than I thought it was going to be. There was never any doubt that one of the Penske cars was going to be on the pole, especially after tax cheat Helio Castroneves spanked the field most of the day, but the other cars in the shoot out made it fun. Freaking Ed Carpenter and Graham Rahal, driving for their fathers in one off races, made it into the top 9, which is simply shocking (where the hell did Carpenter find all of that speed?). If Carpenter and Rahal can keep that kind of speed up throughout the race (and if Rahal can keep the car off the fourth turn wall) they could be an actual factor in the race.



Alex Tagliani did an amazing job with his new team, qualifying in the top six. He was a contender throughout pole day for the pole and he could be a threat to win, too. His teammate, Bruno Junqueira, could be the 500's dark horse candidate as he had one of the fastest cars on the track but, because of sponsor issues, couldn't qualify until the second day. If Bruno can stay out of trouble and not get into an accident he could very well make it to the front and challenge for the win. It could happen.



It's cool to see that Davey Hamilton will once again be in the 500 (he qualified 14th). What the hell happened to Andretti Autosport? Marco Andretti is the fastest of the bunch, but he could only qualify 16th. Ryan Hunter-Reay qualified 17th (I really thought he would do better than 17th). Danica Patrick was just terrible (will she be able to make her way up through the field?). And poor Tony Kanaan. What the hell is the deal with him? Two crashes in two days and almost not making the field? Michael Andretti needs to take his head out of his ass, man. Tony Kanaan should be running up front, challenging for the pole, not barely making the field. And what the hell happened to Dan Wheldon?

Now, what the hell was Paul Tracy's team thinking pulling his time on Sunday so he could go out again? He was in the fucking race. He wasn't going to get bumped. The car was terrible and there was never any real chance of it gaining any speed. It was just a stupid fucking move on Kalkhoven and Vasser's part. And now Tracy is not going to be in the race. Good fucking job. I'm kind of surprised that Geico hasn't tried to buy Tracy a spot in the field. Sebastian Saavedra could probably use the money.

So now here are my picks for the top 5.

1. Helio Castroneves (it's his race to lose)
2. Will Power
3. Alex Tagliani
4. Dario Franchitti
5. Raphael Matos

Here's the Top 5 I'd love to see

1. Davey Hamilton
2. Sarah Fisher
3. Danica Patrick
4. Ed Carpenter
5. Dan Wheldon



Go here for the full line up. The race is this Sunday.



Over in NASCAR world, the All-Star race has come and gone, with Kurt Busch winning the big prize. Overall the race was pretty boring. It's just too goddamn long. Why not use the format of the preliminary race for the big race? 40 laps is ten laps too many but it's much better than 100 laps. I don't know how much this race helps predict what will happen in the Coke 600 Sunday night but it looks it's anyone's race.



I'm hoping that Juan Pablo Montoya finally gets over the oval hump and picks up his first oval win. He usually runs well at Charlotte but he also tends to wreck quite a bit. Lots of people get their first big oval win in the 600, so why not Montoya? I'd also love to see Robby Gordon pull a win out of his ass, but that's clearly not going to happen.

That NASCAR Hall of Fame ceremony was fucking excruciating. Was it really necessary to have that thing drag on for three hours? Couldn't the show have been done in less than two hours? I think it could have. There's nothing wrong with a taped Hall of Fame show that's clipped for time. There's nothing wrong with doing a "tight" show. Thankfully the world won't have to put up with that shit for another year. Although there is something to dread. Darrell Waltrip could be in the next HoF class. If that happens that's going to be one awful fucking speech.

Boogity boogity bullshit.


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That'll be about it

Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. Hopefully you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed putting it together.

Don't forget to check out the 411 mania movies zone podcast, which can be heard here. It's always a good listen.

And please check out my other column here at the 411 mania movies zone, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column. It's about B-movies.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.

"Stewie: Oh yes, you have a lot to think about: public drunkenness, grand theft auto...

Brian: You forgot the part where I made you smash your head into the windshield.

Stewie: I don't remember-

Brian: (Slams on brakes, causing Stewie to fly forward into windshield)

Stewie: Yes, well, I suppose I walked right into that one."

That's from "Family Guy," but I'm pretty sure you already knew that.

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Cancer really fucking sucks.

Alzheimers sucks.

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