Syndication Files 09.01.10: My Super Sweet 16

Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 09.01.2010

My Super Sweet 16 is the worst television show ever. Leave it to MTV to turn a traditional celebration of maturity into an atrocious showcase of greed, selfishness, and empty-headed materialism. How’s that for a teaser? Have daddy click the link for you in this “ain’t so sweet” edition of the Syndication Files.

Before you fill your head with hatred, fill your head with comments.

The music licensing issue for classic TV programs is yet another reason why everyone associated with the RIAA should jump off a fucking cliff. You would think that they'd be happy to make an arrangement to allow the older shows to run with the music, in exchange for a DVD extra that gives the appropriate credit, which is free advertising. Instead, they insist on exhorbitant fees, which makes these classic DVD's a hassle to get. Either the producers have to track down and pay through the nose for the rights, or they have to spend money to get mediocre substitutions (S1 of WKRP), or they have to give up on the whole thing altogether. Sometimes it's not too bad, but sometimes the substitutions are laughable, such as the Hunter series, or Greatest American Hero, both of which had cast members "singing" and had to substitute the music.

Posted By: Michael L (Guest)

Yup, WKRP in Cincinnati is another big one that was hampered by music licensing. The whole thing blows. I am in favor of having the RIAA jumping off a cliff though. If they appreciate irony, they'll jump off Radio City Music Hall.

Seinfeld is the greatest television show of all time. Those who "like Friends better" or "never got into it" are lame and people I tend to stay away from.

Posted By: MBD (Guest)

Let's be friends.

To be honest, Id be a lot more likely to buy an album or a song after hearing it on one of my favorite tv shows and going "oh yeah, I love that song!"

Sigh, some people dont like making money.

I hate to say this, but I think Curb may overtake Seinfeld as my favorite comedy. The Producers season was maybe the most clever thing I have ever seen on TV.

Posted By: AG Awesome (Guest)

I've more than once whistled a TV tune if I liked it well enough. For fun, here is a list of my five "Favorite Television Theme Songs That Can Easily Have a Place in My Music Playlist and Not Look Completely Out of Place":

5. "Bad Boys" (Inner Circle) - COPS
4. "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" (Will Smith) - Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
3. "Where Everybody Knows Your Name" (Gary Portnoy) - Cheers
2. "Bad Reputation" (Joan Jett) - Freaks and Geeks
1. "In Living Color" (Heavy D) – In Living Color

That's off the top of my head, so I know there's a few that I'm overlooking.

I only saw one episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm many years ago and it involved a dog. I don't remember much else. Perhaps I should hop on the bandwagon again.

Seinfeld is definitely one hard act to follow.

Posted By: billy (Guest)

I'm sure this next show will have no problems at all in being well received by me or by you.

Welcome loyalist fantasy football fans to another edition of the Syndication Files. No time to waste since I'm reviewing an even bigger waste of time this week. Hop, skip, and jump to it!


Syndication Files #58

My Super Sweet 16

MTV My Super Sweet 16 Episode 6 Trailer

I hate this show. I hate it very very much. I don't know how you can watch the preview video without reaching the same conclusion.

In some cultures, reaching the age of 16 is considered to be a rite of passage. It's when the child makes their big step from childhood to adulthood. It's the minimum age when you could officially be allowed to receive a driver's license (or at least a driver's permit) and… well that's pretty much it. The fun doesn't really begin until you reach ages 18 and 21 but that's neither here nor there. A "sweet sixteen" birthday party is thrown (typically by the parents) to celebrate this coming of age and is considered to be the most important celebration in a young teenager's life.

So leave it to MTV to turn a traditional commemoration of maturity into an appalling showcase of greed, narcissism, selfishness and empty-headed materialism. It's a hellish panorama where wealthy, spoiled, bubbly brats (in the form of teenage girls in this case) are pampered to the extreme, where they believe the world revolves around them. An even sadder sight is the peers encouraging their egotistical behavior by allowing themselves to cater to their every whim. Did you hear that? That's the sound of dignity committing suicide on national television. But that's still not as bad as the douchey parents who seem perfectly content in broadcasting their demon seed for the whole world to callously criticize.

The Mayan people were wrong. The world as we know it ended on January 18, 2005.

There are many ways I could say "My Super Sweet 16 is garbage" but people like British funnyman Charlie Brooker does it so much better. It makes my job easier.


"…generally making you feel like getting down on your knees and praying for a nuclear holocaust."

I learned something today: never use the word "party" as a verb around Charlie Brooker or else face psychical punishment of justifiable nature.

My Super Sweet 16 follows the lives of soon-to-be-sixteen-agers in preparation of throwing the greatest "Sweet 16" party ever, as if the very fate of humanity was depending on it. If that was the case, we would all have pushed the big red button a long time ago. But don't worry; you'll hear that lofty claim a lot since every starlet insists on their birthday extravaganza reigning supreme over the rest like some door-to-door salesman.

The cameras leave no stone unturned in documenting the teenager's power trip to insanity. To put it bluntly, the show is a platform for daddy's little princess to vision themselves as a celebrity and to direct the bottom dwellers (also known as her parents, friends, etc.) in helping to make her extravagant dreams come true. From the moment the camera turns to the "on" position, they are given total control of the situation in making sure party preparation goes perfectly. Anything less than 100% is unacceptable. If the slightest problem arises, then the girls maturely handle the situation the only way they know how – by stomping their feet and throwing one giant temper tantrum. I wanted the red shade of my car to be autumn sunset, not desert rose! It's mass hysteria, people! Never mind the fact that they have not done anything to deserve such showering attention besides being a pompous annoyance with parents disguised as ATM machines.

It doesn't take scientific reasoning to see that My Super Sweet 16 is home to the most obnoxious, ungrateful, snobby, [enter any other negative phrases to your liking here] teenagers ever to be injected into our eyeballs. I know you've heard this before elsewhere and it bears repeating: the show symbolizes everything that's wrong with the adolescent of America. The "stars" of the show are rich snobs who expect to be given expensive hand-outs and lavish birthday parties. It's also painfully obvious that these girls have lived off mommy and daddy's treasured teet during their entire existence. It'll be no surprise to expect them to ride that gravy train for as long as they can.


Same footage, different hilarious perspective

But furthermore, it's a dangerous message to normal children (the ones that have value within our humane society) that an excessive obsession with prosperity and consumerism is okay as long as you have willing parents who have no problems in spending a bottomless pit of money just for you. I'm not talking about a trip to Chuck E. Cheese where you can receive free pizza and $5 worth in tokens. I'm talking about throwing extremely expensive parties that only upper class citizens can afford – featuring stretch limousines, brand new cars, famous celebrities or singers (really desperate for money/attention I guess), horses, and other array of fashionable materialism. All done to the collective "woo" of the birthday girl's friends and guests who express severe admiration at her vast fortune and lucky status.

Did I mention how much I really hate this show yet?

But as much as we may direct our rage towards these pouty teeny boppers, it's not entirely their fault. They were only raised that way. Sadly, they don't know any better. Instead, most of our anger should be squarely put on the wealthy parents. The parents, who can be as boastful as their deranged teenager, are the ones who support such a shallow lifestyle. The main reason these kids behave in such surly personalities is that their parents don't mind caving to their every demand, constantly feeding into the kid's overinflated ego. Where's the discipline? Where's the limitation? Where's the common parenting? Was it sold off to pay for goodie bags and Kanye West?

I have yet to find a moment where anyone in this show comes across as a decent human being. To be fair, I haven't watched every episode (I do want my soul to be as pure as possible) but each episode seems to remain the same: girl wants party, parents throw party, girl gets angry, parents have no idea why girl is angry, party thrown, woo, yay! Everything turns out great in the end for the birthday girl and you feel like you were robbed precious minutes of life.


Even Trey Parker and Matt Stone think the show is disgusting. Trey and Matt!!

Other than the sake of entertainment, I'm still trying to think about what kind of message the show is sending. "Look at me I have all this cool stuff, what do you got?!" Is that it? That people can be popular by throwing super parties and having celebrities show up? Does the "Twilight Theory" of having the audience planting themselves into the lives of these teens play a big role? I don't know. I just know that I hate this show and everyone in it - boy or girl.

Believe or not, there are some good qualities about My Super Sweet 16. You get to watch these spoiled kids and clueless parents make complete asses of themselves. That's always fun. You also have to admire the teenage girl's assertiveness in saying what she wants and then following through with it, even if it's siphoned into pointless and mindless tasks. The show can also be a great parental lesson on what NOT to do to their kids. Don't ruin their lives by having them bask in an unrealistic fantasy world fill with money. Teach them the value of a dollar. Then maybe they can grow up to live normal lives. But the most important quality is the reassurance that you can live a great life without the need of luxurious possessions or a lavish party. Or without being hated on by every sane person in the world. Playing Rock Band and eating pizza with close friends is a good enough party for me.

A sports car would be nice though.

The show is an awful glamorization of greed (budget for parties easily reaches six figures), materialism (remember, your affection can be bought… preferably from a car dealership), and enmity (girls has little to no respect for their nutcase parents). While the show can be devilishly entertaining, there are just so many negative morals and values infused onto the younger viewers. Not to mention the total irritation and antipathy you will be feeling throughout the whole programming. It's not good for your health.

So that ends My Super Sweet 16. How this stupid show is not officially canceled is beyond me. How this stupid show developed into a major franchise with an actual movie and a series of spin-offs is beyond insane.

In short: I hate this show. I hate it very very much.


Commercial Break

It's no secret: men love boobs. Unfortunately, there are people out there who have not gotten the memo. Thus, we have this.


The worst invention in the history of mankind

Warning: NSFW – bad language. I don't know why I feel the need to say that on a free-flowing website that occasionally touches on mature content but there you go. And yes, it is a parody of a real product.

I'm going to go with the narrator on this one: "Boob Apron" is a dream robber. Save yourselves!

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Syndication Files Upcoming Show Listing

Summer of Syndication

6/2/10 – Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman

6/9/10 – A-Team

6/16/10 – Buffy the Vampire Slayer

6/23/10 – Full House

6/30/10 – Adult Swim Files #1 – Mobile Suit Gundam, Cowboy Bebop, & Harvey Birdman, Attorney at Law

7/7/10 – Jackass

7/14/10 – Saved by the Bell

7/21/10 – Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (1987 TV Series)

7/28/10 – Iron Chef

8/4/10 – Walker, Texas Ranger

8/11/10 – The Price is Right (Bob Baker Edition)

8/18/10 – Freaks and Geeks

8/25/10 - Seinfeld

9/1/10 – My Super Sweet 16

9/8/10 – XFL – Where inferior inimitable football happens. So much for the pure definition of "syndication".

9/15/10 – Cancellation Compilation III: Disney Edition - Gargoyles, Darkwing Duck, Chip ‘n Dale Rescue Rangers - The golden era of television cartoon classics, with none of the sexual subliminal messages to distract you.


Ending Credits

I don't know what country qualifies Bristol Palin as a "star" but I would watch if only for the potential comic interaction between her and The Situation… well, maybe only the highlights. Can you imagine if those two made a baby together? It's enough to make Sarah Palin make a quick 180 degree turn on this whole "pro-life" argument. Not me. I am looking forward to the birth of Algebra "The Palination" Palin.

Another question: why is The Situation participating on Dancing with the Stars in the first place? The people on that show have to wear shirts. The ladies are going to show more skin than he will! He's going insane just thinking about it. Maybe he can wear a half-shirt so he could still promote his abs on national television. Maybe The Situation and Rick Fox can share fashion tips.

And with that, I'm out of time. Out like maturity in 16-year-olds on MTV.