Ghost Hunters Recap 6.17: Milton School
Posted by Ron Martin on 10.08.2010
This week TAPS goes back to school to try and find the ghost of a murdered victim in a vacant elementary school. A very special guest comes to investigate and will parobably maim you with a popsicle stick if you don't read this column.
Did you think it was a one shot deal? You have no idea how close it was to being just that. Here lately my cable box has decided to become haunted in and of itself. With no TAPS here to help me out, I have to fight this battle alone. This is a battle I am losing friends. My DVR recorded this particular episode of Ghost Hunters in 17 different segments. How exciting! Luckily for all of us involved, people are really, really quick about getting the episodes up on youtube. It is with thanks to our youtube warriors that I present to you this episode of…
ON THIS EPISODE OF GHOST HUNTERS
TAPS comes to the Midwest where an elementary school has "halls of horror!" Hey, the school can't get tourism from this, why is TAPS investigating here? Waaaaaaiiiitttt…….is that JOE M'FKIN CHIN I see? Life may be worth living after all.
Kris wants to go to school in Illinois. The school is abandoned so that explains why TAPS is investigating – the building will now be a place you can ghost hunt for money! Maybe I'll bounce over there. Both Jason and Grant are amazed at the size of a school. I can only surmise that they were homeschooled. That would explain the haircuts.
Jason claims KJ had to go home for awhile and they called in Joe Chin. We all know what really happened. Joe Chin was bored. RIP, KJ. During the ride out, Joe Chin is the only person allowed to wear sunglasses. If anyone else wears sunglasses Joe Chin will knock their head from the glasses. And no, I didn' t say that wrong. There are some crazy ghost claims, but I totally missed them because Joe Chin frightens me. They didn't mention his time on Ghost Hunters International at all. Conspiracy!
Milton School, Alton, Illinois
For an abandoned school, this place looks pretty good. Perhaps it was just abandoned last weekend. Oh, our tour guide, Alexandria, says that it was abandoned in 1984. So was I, Alexandria, so was I. The girls' bathroom is haunted – I always knew they were. There is a ghost girl named Mary forever stuck in the little girl's room. Isn't that one of Dante's levels of Hell? In the boiler room, people are strangled. Mr. Kruger? With the witnesses talking about groups, I am assuming that there are tours given of this location. Alexandria gets all goth by talking about rapes and murders. We try to keep things upbeat. Life is just too short, Alexandria. Alexandria further confuses me by talking about people getting touched in the boy's shower room. The stage in the gymnasium is haunted – imagine that.
Jason says that Alexandria thinks the place is haunted. I'm glad he straightened that out for me. That ten minute tour we just took with all the haunt stories wasn't quite clear enough.
Scene that shall not be mentioned.
Alpha Team heads to the girl's shower room to finally fulfill some high school fantasy they had. I am betting Grant was stuffed into lockers very many times. Jason assumes the ghost is Mary and talks directly to her. Grant corrects him by telling the ghost she can have any name she wants. It doesn't take them long to hear voices from the boy's shower room. Jason turns a light off which kind of nullifies the entire LIGHTS OUT! segment, doesn't it? There's a sound like someone dropped a flashlight; Jason turns around so dramatically that it looks like a spoof; What the frick was that? and…
As we come back there's a camera shot right down the hallway where the noise came from. There is some sort of light shining right back at them. They don't mention it, so I am assuming it's a cameraman. Hello?! Jason thinks turning the light on and off is a good idea. He claims to have looked everywhere for an explanation but I don't see either of them mentioning this bright light that is shining right into the camera. They hear another noise and get on the walkies to see if anyone made a noise. They did not. Of course, had they admitted to making the noise, this would have all been cut and we would never have seen this. Britt asks if Alpha Team wants them to investigate topside and they are given the okay.
Britt and Joe Chin are topside. I guess "topside" means "another part of the school." They also heard the noise and claim it sounded like furniture getting moved. The director gets all cute and cuts between Alpha Team and Britt/Joe Chin investigating the same noise. Jason gives a version of TAPS RULE #75 and we move on.
Britt and Joe Chin are in the boiler room where Britt used the term "down yonder" in a sentence. They just want to stop and listen. I think they are listening for someone to use to the term "down yonder" again. This is Ghost Hunters so there can't be listening without them hearing something. They hear footsteps above them and run upstairs. There's nothing. Instead of staying put and investigating where they heard they sound, they run back downstairs to the boiler room just in time for Britt to see what Joe Chin calls "lightplay." When Joe Chin lightplays, someone dies. Poor KJ. Britt says something was blocking the light, because that's TAPS go to move. Britt asks Joe Chin what it is. Joe Chin says "something" and it is accepted as gospel because he's Joe Chin and we will not question him. Britt tries to sneak up on a ghost. It's kind of like chasing a cheetah I'm guessing. He says the ghost (which he can not see) went to the gymnasium. He's…guessing?
Alpha Team is back in the boys' shower room to do some EVP work. They try to pose as elementary school children, but the ghost isn't buying it. Jason's goatee is too evil of a giveaway. That and the kids smell Ben Gay. Jason and Grant get a call, but are interrupted by something falling so hard that the camera shakes. Jason tries to cuss, but before he can, we go to…
We're back and we get a full repeat of the last 30 seconds of Jason and Grant in the boys' shower room. They say something exploded. Something sparked so the plumbers go looking at the showers pipes. Jason is scared to touch something because he doesn't know if it's charged because of the explosion. Nothing like ghost hunting equipment to help you out with that…oh, he just smacks at it like a bunny to figure out there's no charge. They can't figure anything out so they leave a camera on it and look for the nearest seats.
Chick Team is in the girls' shower room where a girl was allegedly raped and murdered. Kris thinks this makes it the ideal place to split up. Don't you girls watch horror movies?!! Amy goes along with the plan because if she doesn't, she may have to listen to Kris try to provoke.
Amy gets the girls' shower and takes a note from Grant's book by assuming the ghost is Mary. Amy hates thinking of rape and murder, so she amuses herself by putting a flashlight on the floor to see if it will move. She promises the ghost lots of candy if they do something. There's a sound from the spot where they found the body. Amy says she lives up to her promises, but I ain't seeing no candy. Apparently, Amy calls TAPS RULE #75 and TAPS COPOUT #17, candy.
Britt and Joe Chin are now near the girl's showers. Britt schools Joe Chin about the stuff that goes on here, but the ghost thinks he is so boring that he gets shushed. Britt assumes that shushing must come from an authority figure. That was Joe Chin's foot shushing you just before he puts it through your throat. Joe Chin hears a whisper. This makes Britt whisper to Joe Chin to split up. He whispers so the ghost can't hear him although the ghost is invisible and could be huddled with them right now. How would we know? It's getting close to a commercial break so our guys hear something in order to take us to…
The noise came from the girl's bathroom so they investigate. They come to the conclusion that they heard a moan. I will not make the requisite "moaning" and "girls' bathroom" joke. You're welcome. Once they get out of the bathroom, everything starts which makes them too boring to follow anymore.
Alpha Team is in the gymnasium. They climb up to the top of the catwalk with the hopes of the floor being dusty enough to get footprints a la old school Scooby Doo. There isn't a big pile of dust. This makes Alpha Team not so happy so they climb down and investigate claims of face being seen against the window. They claim the window is too high to just have been someone standing outside. A close up picture of said window from the outside verifies this. Well, I think that's the window. It really could be any window. Grant actually admits to not being able to explain it.
Chick Team is in the boiler room. Amy hates the boiler room because she hates heat. Also, in a moment that has not been mentioned during the show, Amy says when she set up down there, she almost had a panic attack and felt a heavy presence weighing down her chest. Kris is obsessed with seeing shadows by Amy is too busy trying to talk to ghosts. They hear sounds from above the boiler room. Kris wants to split up again. I don't know why she hates Amy so much. I think Amy must have said something nasty about her mom.
We get a split screen of both ladies. Amy sees a light that just pops up for a moment. She claims not to have an explanation and surprisingly enough, it didn't get on film.
Jason and Grant are so disgusted by this so they call it a night.
Grant gets all crazy about the spark they saw. He is very excited to see how things turn out. Amy claims to have been so scared that she debated leaving. If this is true, the show did a very piss poor job of showing something that should have been an important aspect of the investigation.
At least they did away with the "We're going to look at tape and try to find stuff" segment. Amy says the school was cool, which completely contradicts what she said less than five minutes ago. She then says she is surprised they got so many personal experiences. Apparently, she doesn't walk the show. Joe Chin is not present because he threatened to rip out the hearts of anyone who attempts to make him do analysis. Britt plays the haunted footsteps and then claims he is the cousin of Flash Gordon so no one could have gotten away from him. Amy finds and EVP right where Joe Chin and Britt heard something with their naked ears. Britt says it's too faint, but they've accepted EVPs less convincing than that one before. Cue "Ghost Hunters Doing Analysis" montage. There's the loud noise Alpha Team heard near the beginning of the episode. It's so important it gets it's own suspenseful music.
Uh….during the commercial break, they ran an ad for a new show at 9 PM – this is about 9:50 PM at this point. They start the reveal with the whole shutting off the light, hear a noise thing. It's possible that light I was seeing before was the reflection of a flashlight. Now that I see it again, I am thinking that's what it is. Alexandria is way too eager to agree with everything Alpha Team says. She is actually giddy. Jason wants to know what year the girl died in the shower. Alexandria doesn't have any answers for them. Apparently, Britt heard stuff while the tour was going on and they never mentioned this to us. They move on to Britt and Joe Chin hearing the footsteps. Now it's time for the loud sound, but Jason gets distracted by something offscreen. The cameras got no movement during the loud sound. Grant says that the atmosphere is not negative and no one felt threatened, but isn't that pretty much the opposite of what Amy said? Maybe not threatening, but certainly not positive.
Cartalk. Jason says Alexandria was excited and wins the award for understatement of the year.
Overall: I don't know what to think about this episode. It was like every other recent episode in that they will see shadows and hear voices and that's all the evidence they will have to call a place haunted. I can turn off the light in my bathroom and if I sit there long enough, my mind will make up shadows and noises. That's not evidence. I said it last week, and I would like to reiterate it again. Ghost Hunters is now on par with Most Haunted. They don't try and debunk anymore. When odd things happen – like two experiences during set up – they don't get mentioned to us until the reveal. That's just bad mojo.