The Gratuitous B-Movie Column 6.06.11: Issue #159: Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

Posted by Bryan Kristopowitz on 06.06.2011

In this issue I check out the low budget sci-fi action flick Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision, discuss some B-Movie news (Elvira, Wesley Snipes, Steven Seagal, and John Carpenter’s latest), a new B-Movie Babe of the Week is crowned, a new Douchebag of the Week is named, and more! Check it out!

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Issue #159: Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision (2002)


Hello, everyone, and welcome once again to the internets movie review column that's always been suspicious of Tom Brokaw's forehead (it's hiding something, I just don't know what), The Gratuitous B-Movie Column, and I am your host Bryan Kristopowitz. In this issue, issue number one hundred and fifty-nine I take a look at the low budget, direct-to-video sequel to Jean-Claude Van Damme's 1994 sci-fi action classic Timecop, Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision, which came out in 2003 and stars Jason Scott Lee and Thomas Ian Griffith.

Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision (2002)



Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision, also known as Timecop: The Berlin Decision (I'm not sure when or why Universal Pictures slapped the "2" on the title because the opening titles don't have the "2"), stars Jason Scott Lee as Ryan Chan, an agent with the Time Enforcement Commission, the U.S. government agency in charge of making sure no one fucks with time. Chan's specialty is dealing with jumpers, people who go back in time to deliberately change things. While on a mission in 1940's Berlin, Germany, a mission to essentially protect the life of Hitler, Chan prevents fellow TEC agent Brandon Miller (Thomas Ian Griffith) from killing the bastard and, in the ensuing melee, ends up accidentally killing Miller's wife Sasha (Tricia Barry).

After going back to the present/future, Miller is placed in prison and Chan is put on suspension (while he prevented Hitler from being assassinated Chan's general handling of the situation was, well, bad. He got into lots of fights, beat a bunch of people up, and he did kill a fellow TEC agent). As per TEC regulations Chan is allowed to serve his suspension living in the past, so Chan decides to serve out his punishment in what appears to be some kind of early 1900's/late 1800's town. While there Chan accidentally runs into a bad guy working for the Society for Historical Authenticity, a gang of people that sort of acts outside of the authority of the TEC to monitor time. I'm confused on whether or not the SHA is an official government entity that's supposed to work hand-in-hand with the TEC or if it's a shadowy, well funded underground movement of time travelers hell bent on making sure the TEC doesn't screw up its mandate. As far as I can tell the movie never really delves into any of that. It's a cool idea, though, people watching the people who watch time.

So some more stuff happens, Chan questions his passion for the job, and Miller concocts a scheme to not only get out of an underground supermax prison used by the government to house the worst of the worst but to also get revenge on the people that "destroyed" his life, mainly Chan. I don't want to go into too much more of the story and plot as it's all pretty dang confusing as soon as the rampant time traveling starts. Background characters start dying and or disappearing, future events start changing, and none of it makes a lick of sense. Well, it didn't make much sense to me, but then I always get confused by time travel stories. I mean, how can someone exist before he or she is born, which is what essentially happens when someone from "the future" gets in a time machine and "goes back in time"? Isn't that person from the future also part of the past? It's not like these time travelers exist outside of time and space, right? It's not like they're all watching this unfold before them on a television, waiting for something unexpected to happen.

Despite those general story issues, Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision is a well made low budget sci-fi action flick. It doesn't have the scope or production value of the Van Damme original in 1994, but it makes up for its cheesiness with energy and some worthwhile action scenes. The practical special effects are quite good, especially a time traveler that runs into his past self, breaking one of the major rules of the Timecop universe: two people who are really the same person can't occupy the same physical space (if you run into yourself in the past don't shake hands because you'll melt into one another and become a giant blob). The CGI effects are also decent enough (they're a little cartoony, but what low budget sc-fi action flick from the early 2000's didn't have cartoony CGI special effects?). I also want to commend the producers and director for having an exploding body scene, something you just don't see all that often anymore in low budget genre movies. Its presence helps make up for the somewhat lame looking old west sets that figure into the story later.

Jason Scott Lee is quite good as the lead TEC agent Ryan Chan. He's confident, he's a bad ass, and he never looks ridiculous beating the crap out of people. He also knows how to make obviously fake CGI time travel look painful and incredibly dangerous (He could explode at any moment! Look at his face!). He's also knows how to make the story's quiet moments count, which is big plus when the story doesn't make any sense. Why the heck isn't Lee a bigger action star? He obviously knows how to play the villain (he was Kurt Russell's nemesis in the great Soldier) and he's more than qualified to be the hero. He should have his own low budget action movie franchise and should definitely be a part of bigger Hollywood action productions. Why hasn't he been a villain in a Jason Statham movie?

Thomas Ian Griffith is his usual excellent self as the villain Brandon Miller. As soon as he gets out of prison he goes into full on "Valek" mode and starts kicking some serious ass, especially when he dons a black duster and cowboy hat and shoots two guns at the same time. He also has the on screen fighting chops to come off as more dangerous than you think (it also helps that he's very, very tall). The last twenty minutes are where Griffith really shines. Why isn't this guy a bigger star?

John Beck does a good job as TEC leader O'Rourke. The character is a bit one note as he doesn't do much beyond yelling at Chan and other TEC personnel but Beck tries to make him a little more interesting. There are moments where he comes off as William Sadler's Canadian stunt double but it's not his fault. Mary Page Keller also does a good job as Doc, the TEC lead doctor. Her part is also a bit one note at first but as space and time are messed with she gets to engage in a bit of goofiness that's quite fun (she should have been able to wear an eye patch, too).

The movie could have used a little more of Tava Smiley's Tyler Jeffers, Chan's partner during the Berlin mission as she had great chemistry with Lee, but she only appears at the beginning of the movie and again towards the end. It's a damn shame. It's also a damn shame that Timecop 2 is the last movie in the Timecop franchise, big or low budget, as I would love to see more TEC missions for Chan and the others. You'd think Universal would want to get back in the Timecop game, especially since Jean Claude Van Damme pretty much makes his living in the low budget direct-to-video movie world. Lee also deserves a chance to continue on in the fight to protect time. Why not a Timecop tag team? I'd watch that.

Despite a baffling story and a weird ending (does anyone out there understand what the heck happens at the end?) Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision is a well made, intriguing, and highly entertaining low budget sci-fi action flick. It should have been the start of a direct-to-video franchise for everyone involved. Is eight years too late to get everyone back to do another one?

Check out Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision. It's worth a look. Just be aware that the time travel aspects of the story are a little confusing.

See it.

So what do we have here?

Dead bodies: Around 10 (it depends on what you mean by "dead body")

Explosions: Six

Nudity?: None

Doobage: Beating the crap out of Nazis, neck clamp, sleeper hold, hand fu fight, a brain zapper, bullet to the side, Irish cop beating, stick fighting, a time travel chair, total body disintegration, a messed up time traveler, "cell cohesion failure" with exploding body, an underground prison, needle to the neck, a major prison riot, arm breaking, attempted strangulation, neck snapping, a time wake, spitting, racism, bullet to the chest, a Chinese restaurant kung fu team, knife throwing, watch destruction, changing history, a big ass kung fu fight, jumping flying kick to the chest, choke hold, and a confusing ending.

Kim Richards?: Implied

Gratuitous: Jason Scott Lee, time travel hooey, an old pocket watch, Thomas Ian Griffith, Hitler, bad Irish cops, multiple illegal time jumps off screen, good enough CGI, time wakes, the Old West, Thomas Ian Griffith wearing all black, Robert Carradine, Thomas Ian Griffith's giant shirt, and a confusing ending.

Best lines: "Time travel. It's easy when you think about it," "What took you so long?," "You are such a wuss, Edwards," "Help me undo what never should have been done," "By the way, Johnson, you're standing in horse shit," "There's no need for violence," "What the hell just happened?," "Hey, your life is in that launch tube down there," "Welcome to the party, asshole," "What's your definition of insanity, Ryan?," "I can't believe it. It's 1929 and they're still trying to bust my balls. I want that asshole dead," "Oh, Dad, that is just so wrong," "What happened to my watch?," "See you next week, professor!," "It doesn't have to be this way. You can change all of this," and "Kiss my ass Ryan!"

Rating: 8.0/10.0

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column: The Facebook Page!





Please check out The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page, which can be seen here. It just started so there's not much there at the moment. But, as time goes by, expect to see daily questions and musings and other B-movie hooey. And it would be cool if you "liked" it, too.

The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Facebook page! Yeah!



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Some B-Movie News





- Elvira's Movie Macabre coming to DVD: I'm talking about the new Elvira's Movie Macabre, the one that started in October of 2010 with Night of the Living Dead. That episode, along with the I Eat Your Skin episode are set to appear on DVD next Tuesday, June 14th on the same disc. The Satanic Rites of Dracula and Werewolf of Washington episodes are also coming out on the 14th. I'm going to assume that the movies will appear in uncut form since the DVDs are unrated. If Elvira's new show isn't airing near you here's your chance to check it out. She's just as funny (and sexy) as ever.

As for new new episodes of Movie Macabre, who the heck knows when they're going to start up again. The Terror episode is set to air, for the third time now, this Saturday. Are we going to have to wait until the late summer/early fall to see new ones, or are we going to get a general mix of new episodes and reruns as the show continues on? Does anyone out there reading this know?

I believe you can still get DVD's of her old Movie Macabre show. The fine folks at Shout Factory are releasing them (check out amazon.com for details.










- Still no word on when Gallowwalker is coming out: The Wesley Snipes starring kung fu horror zombie western Gallowwalker, as far as I can tell, still doesn't have a U.S. release date, either for theatrical play or DVD. According to imdb.com the movie started production back in 2006, five years ago, and despite star Snipes' tax issues the movie was completed (it's on DVD in Norway). So what the heck is the hold up? Why hasn't Gallowwalker been released yet?



Who the heck doesn't want to see this? Be honest with yourself. You definitely want to see Gallowwalker. Definitely.







- Still no word on Steven Seagal's TV show True Justice, either: Well, at least as a TV show. According to imdb and a few other places it sounds like the thirteen episode first season of True Justice has been cut up into at least two movies, Street Wars and Deadly Crossing, both of which are on DVD in the UK. I'm going to assume that, since a network didn't pick up the show and there's no syndication deal in place that the U.S. and Canada will get both Street Wars and Deadly Crossing on DVD soon, too. If that is the case, man, that sucks.

Why didn't Spike pick up the show? Or G4TV? Or, heck, Starz or Showtime? Seagal is still a name and people still do want to see him kick the crap out of people, and since he's never done a dramatic show before there's the novelty factor to draw curiosity seekers in. It sounds like a win-win for just about everyone. Apparently it isn't.

Has anyone out there seen Street Wars yet? Or Deadly Crossing?
















- John Carpenter's The Ward set to hit Video on Demand Wednesday!?: John Carpenter's first feature film in ten years, The Ward is set to debut on Wednesday, June 8th on Video on Demand, with a small theatrical release to follow in July (major cities only most likely) and then a DVD release some time after that. It's ridiculous to think that a director like Carpenter, with his track record of hits and genre defining movies (Halloween, Escape from New York, The Thing, Big Trouble in Little China) can't get a better release than Video on Demand and a limited theatrical run, but that's just the way the movie business works nowadays. Hopefully the movie is a major success on VoD and home video and Carpenter's next movie, whatever the heck that's going to be (in an interview at bloody-disgusting.com by Chris Eggertsen Carpenter has at least three potential movies in the works; a comic book adaptation, a "gothic western," and a "slick psychological thriller") gets a little more respect. But then George A. Romero can barely get a movie released today and he's George A. fucking Romero. What the hell, you know?




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And now, the weekly Fearnet update- It's back on Time Warner!



Yes, that's right. Fearnet, the only free all horror/thriller On Demand TV network is back on Time Warner cable after a two year hiatus. Uncut, uncensored horror flicks from the past and present are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week, any time you freaking want them. Fearnet the On Demand TV station also has behind-the-scenes stuff, trailers, and other cool hooey for you to check out, so if you have it, what the heck are you waiting for? Go check it out now! There are oodles of Godzilla movies on there this week. Oodles of them!

Now, if you don't have Fearnet on your cable/satellite service or don't own a TV you can still check out all that Fearnet has to offer by checking out its website, fearnet.com. Free movies, interviews, news, behind-the-scenes junk, it's all on there, with new movies loaded every Wednesday. The great Wild Country was on the site last week. Is it still there? Check it out and see).





And be sure to watch Post Mortem with Mick Garris, a nifty interview show where big, fat Stephen King's favorite director talks with genre legends like John Carpenter, Wes Craven, William Friedkin, and more.

If you're a Facebook nerd you can check out the Fearnet fans Facebook page, which can be seen here. There are plenty of people out there interested in Fearnet. Come join them. And, as always, thanks to both Mark Lindsey and Mathew Hirsch for info regarding the Fearnet fan movement.

Fearnet is back on Time Warner cable! Freaking awesome!





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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column B-Movie Babe of the Week: Jennifer Love Hewitt











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Live Evil is now on DVD. You need to see it now!



Live Evil the movie I've been talking about for seemingly forever and reviewed here is now on DVD and available to purchase.


The DVD contains the following:

- Unrated movie
- 5.1 Surround Sound
- Audio commentary with director Jay Woelfel, producer Mark Terry, and Mark Hengst ("Benedict")
- Deleted scenes
- Q & A with star Tim Thomerson and director Jay Woelfel at Fangoria LA convention
- Tim Thomerson intro from Flashback Weekend 2009
- Promo video of Live Evil at Fangoria Weekend of Horror 2009
- Theatrical trailer
- And more!

With all of those cool special features how could you not want to own Live Evil?
So go out right now (well, you can wait until after you finish reading this column) and purchase Live Evil. You'll be glad you did. You can go to the movie's website and order it from there or you can go here to amazon. You can also check out your local video rental place and watch it that way (I think you should just go ahead and buy it but that may just be me).

Long live the Priest!





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Things to watch out for this week!



- Jericho Season 3: Civil War Issue #6 comes out this Wednesday June 8th! That's right, the sixth issue of the Jericho comic book hits comic book stores this Wednesday. I know I'll be picking up my copy of issue #6 this Wednesday. Will you? If you don't know where your local comic book shop is located check out this website, comicshoplocator.com.

As I've said many times before, "Long live Jericho!"




- The return of TV Rants and Raves: week two this Wednesday! TV Rants and Raves, the TV centric column I recently retired from, is back on 411 with my good friend Ben Piper at the helm. If you didn't check out last week's column, go here, bask in its awesomeness, and be sure to show up at the 411mania movies zone this Wednesday for more TV analysis, general awesomeness, and other assorted whathaveyous.
TV Rants and Raves is back! Yeah!

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The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week





This week, The Gratuitous B-Movie Column Douchebag of the Week goes to Jack Scott, mayor of Cordova, Alabama, for refusing to allow city residents to use "single wide" FEMA trailers in the aftermath of a destructive tornado that destroyed several homes. According to this yahoo news article, a city ordinance was enacted three years ago banning the trailers, which were used in the aftermath of Katrina in New Orleans, and despite the destruction caused by the tornado Mayor Scott isn't going to change the law and isn't going to temporarily suspend the ordinance in light of what happened. Apparently Mayor Scott is worried about seeing those white FEMA trailers several years from now all over town and doesn't think that a destructive tornado is "any reason to change the law, even temporarily"

So what the hell are these people who lost damn near everything supposed to do? Where are they supposed to go? Mayor Scott doesn't care. Not his problem. Figure it out for yourself. I have no idea what political party Scott belongs to (he sounds like a right wing Republican but I wouldn't be surprised to find out he's a right wing Democrat, either. There are plenty of them around).

Sounds like a real compassionate guy, doesn't he? Elections have consequences, and hopefully when Mayor Scott is up for reelection the voters of Cordova send him packing. I mean, come on, large sections of your town are destroyed, people are suffering, why compound the suffering? You should also check out this article to see what kind of fucking douchebag Mayor Scott is. He should wear a pin on his shirt that says "Fuck the poor."

What a fucking disgrace.




Up next is Congressperson Eric Cantor, the current Republican House Majority Leader, for saying that federal disaster relief for areas in Missouri destroyed by the recent tornado onslaught will have to be "off set" by general spending cuts before any money is allocated.

Isn't that fabulous? The federal government can't do anything until the Congressional Republicans get their way on federal spending cuts. It's good to know that, in these telling it like it is, common sense teabagger times that when the going gets tough and people are in real need of assistance the majority party in the House of Representatives is willing to hold millions of people hostage until it gets its way. Isn't that what terrorists do?




And finally there's Chris Christie, Republican Governor of New Jersey, for taking a state police helicopter to his son's high school baseball game and then acting like it's no big deal, despite the fact he's been on a tear recently telling everyone in New Jersey state government to do more with less because the state is broke. The chopper was on a training flight that just so happened to fly over the game sight, so no waste was involved Christie's people claimed. Thankfully no one bought that lame ass excuse and Christie was eventually forced to reimburse the two grand it apparently cost for the flight.

You'd think that Christie would have paid for the flight up front, just to avoid the criticism in the event anyone found out. You know, covering your ass and all that. The Governor, however, apparently decided he was above the law and could do whatever the heck he wanted. He is Chris Christie, after all.

Jesus Christ, when will the bullshit end?

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NASCAR and Indycar thoughts



Okay, so I didn't get a chance to talk about the Coke 600 NASCAR Sprint Cup Series race at Charlotte last issue as it ended too late for me to comment on it. The last one hundred miles were kind of exciting as the teams played out different fuel strategies. I really thought Jimmie Johnson would have been a bigger factor towards the end but he wasn't. I was surprised that both Richard Petty Motorsports cars were in the thick of things at the front all night long. Both A.J. Allmendinger and Marcos Ambrose were fast from the drop of the green flag and, for a little while there, it looked like either one would get his first Sprint Cup win. They both ended up in the top ten. The big winner on the night was Kevin Harvick, who inherited the lead after Dale Earnhardt, Jr. ran out of gas in the last corner. Who the heck thought either one of those things would happen, Harvick showing up at the end for the win and Earnhardt running up front long enough to be in contention to win?



What the heck happened to Kyle Busch? He was fast and more or less in contention for most of the race, and then he was just bad. Has he used up all of his racing luck winning races in the Nationwide and Camping World Trucks Series races?

David Ragan had a career night with a second place finish. I'm shocked that Ragan hasn't won at least one race by now. He has a good team that has won its share of races in the past, and Ragan knows how to win races in NASCAR (he has at least one Nationwide Series win, which is more than Wally Dallenbach ever won). Maybe he'll catch a break like recent first time winner Regan Smith later on this season. He's due.

Juan Pablo Montoya had a pretty decent night, finishing 12th. I'm shocked he managed to make it past half-way as Charlotte isn't his best 1 1/2 mile oval (that would be Atlanta). Kurt Busch had a good finish, something he hasn't had in a while. His Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski started on the pole and had a decent day despite being lost in the shuffle at the end. Memorial Day weekend was pretty mediocre for Penske. What the hell?

I didn't get a chance to see the Nationwide Series race on Saturday, which was Kimi Raikkonen's stock car debut. Matt Kenseth ended up winning the race, but Raikkonen's apparent epic meltdown over the radio was all I heard people talking about (he complained about the heat, he didn't get any water to drink, and his car's handling was, in a word, bad). It's too bad he didn't get a better ride than Joe Nemechek's car because he probably would have had a better overall experience in a Joe Gibbs car or something like that. Raikkonen might race in the Sprint Cup event at Infineon, which is a race more up his alley (road course). If he does it'll be interesting to see what team he lands with.



Okay, so the races this weekend, split between Kansas (Cup) and Chicago (Nationwide), were okay. The Cup race at Kansas, the last race of the year on Fox (thank Drake. No more of that fucking "Boogity! Boogity! Boogity!" shit) and the first of two Cup races at Kansas this year, was slightly better than usual. The race was far more competitive up front than I thought it would be. Kurt Busch had yet another good week, leading the most laps and ending up ninth. His Penske Racing teammate Brad Keselowski won the race, managing to outlast Dale Earnhardt, Jr and others on fuel.



Kyle Busch, who apparently got into a fight with Richard Childress after the Truck race on Saturday, had another so so day, never really contending for the win (he ended up 12th). I can't wait to find out more about this physical altercation between Busch and Childress. It sounds hilarious.

Kyle's Joe Gibbs Racing teammate Denny Hamlin hasn't won a race yet this year. That seems impossible, doesn't it? The next race is at Pocono, a track that he generally kicks ass at. Jimmie Johnson was never a threat to win but he was up front most of the day. It looks like he's playing the waiting game, getting consistent finishes so he can be easily in the top ten for the Chase, and then he'll shift into overdrive and win a bunch of races in a row and a sixth championship. When will bad luck take him down?

Juan Pablo Montoya started second, ran up front for a little while, then brushed the wall and never recovered. He ended up finishing 17th, one lap down. What the hell does he have to do to catch a break?

Over at Chicago, Justin Allgaier barely won the race, running out of fuel after passing then leader Carl Edwards, who also ran out of fuel. It was cool to see Allgaier win as he's a Nationwide regular and that's what the series needs to have happen in order to rebuild its identity, but I really could have done without the "thanking Jesus" shit in victory lane. Please, guys, give it a rest.

Danica Patrick had a decent day, finishing tenth after going a lap down. I'd imagine we'll be getting an announcement from her and her management team soon about what she's going to do next season. What do you think the odds are of her staying with the Indycar Series? About 25%? Is that too high?

Don't forget that the Sprint Cup Series event this Sunday at Pocono will be on TNT, starting at noon or 12:30pm est.



Over in Indycar, it was announced on Friday that the race in Motegi, Japan will be contested this year on the Motegi "natural terrain" road course, which is part of the Motegi facility (NASCAR staged some exhibition races there back in the 1990's) as the oval was damaged during the March earthquake and track officials won't be able to repair it in time for the scheduled race in September. In one sense that's good to hear because I really thought that the entire Japan trip was going to be cancelled because of the earthquake's aftermath, but it really stinks to lose another oval race.



Still no word on whether or not Indy 500 winner Dan Wheldon will be driving in this Saturday night's twin races at Texas. He'll be up in the Versus broadcast booth if he isn't in a car. You'd think Texas race officials would find a way to get Wheldon's Bryan Herta Autosport team some kind of sponsorship so can race. Why wouldn't you want the Indy 500 winner in your event?

Versus apparently has shelved the Indycar Open Wheel Weekly show, which is a damn shame because it was the only Indycar centric talk show on television. Hopefully Versus will get back on board and find a way to bring it back before the end of the season. The series needs it.

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Well, I think that'll be about it for this issue. B-movies rule, always remember that.

If there's anything you want to see reviewed here in this column, feel free to offer a comment below or send me an e-mail. I'm always on the lookout for new stuff to watch.

And don't forget to bookmark 411 via the little line below. You'll be glad you did.


Timecop 2: The Berlin Decision

Jason Scott Lee- Ryan Chan
Thomas Ian Griffith- Brandon Miller
Mary Page Keller- Doc
John Beck- O'Rourke
Tava Smiley- Tyler Jeffers
Josh Hammond- Michael Travis
Tricia Barry- Sasha Miller
Kenneth Choi- Professor Josh Chan

Directed by Stephen Boyum
Screenplay by Gary Scott Thompson, based on a comic book series by Mike Richardson and Mark Verheiden

Distributed by Universal Studios Home Video

Rated R for violence and some language
Runtime- 81 minutes

Buy it here





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"Fuck you Ben Piper. Fucking restraining order. Now I'm not going to tell you how to make homemade lollipops using a hit bitch's ass. It's pretty simple when you think about it, the physics of it and all, but you can't just pull the stick out of there and expect the candy part to be hard. No, you've go to do it properly. And guess what? I'm the only one that knows how. And now you're never going to know and no one else is going to know, either. Cocksuckers.

I wonder how much it would take to buy some space in the weekly Top 5 column?"