Movies/TV's 3R’s 12.20.11: Dark Knight Rises, Golden Globes, Expendables 2, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 12.20.2011
From the Dark Knight Rises trailer, the Golden Globe nominations, and the Expendables 2 trailer to the reaction to Ghost Rider 2 and more, 411's Porfirio Diaz breaks down the Right, wRong, and Ridiculous from the week in Movies/TV!
Welcome to Week 129 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.
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Without any further ado, here is...
Here's that super sexy action Dark Knight Rises prologue everyone's been talking about: If you're like me, you didn't see the seven-minute prologue at fancy 70mm IMAX theaters only available in a handful of cities either. That's okay because I have a fresh copy here for you, in all its bootleg beauty – and for once, the quality is adequate. Probably the best pirated version that hasn't been deleted so far.
Bane is not as unintelligible as everyone is making him out to be, though I have yet to determine whether it could just be a personal preference or an IMAX thing. His voice did have that maniacal yet intellectual Sideshow Bob quality to him. I waited for him to perform the entire score of the H.M.S. Pinafore and declare rakes his non-Batman mortal enemy but obviously that would be silly. Batman: The Brave and the Bold silly. I doubt the video will be up for more than a couple of days, so if you're in the mood for Christopher Nolan's version of seven minutes in heaven, then you better click play right now.
Yeah, I too tried to resist the sweet siren of DKR spoilers but wearing the title "Internet Columnist" pretty much destroyed whatever pure intentions I had. And I regret nothing. Plus DKR stuff = cheap hits.
The script pages for the prologue have also been leaked - is nothing sacred anymore? - so if you want to follow along whatever the hell Bane is trying to say, then best you go here.
Oh hey, the Dark Knight Rises trailer is here too: The official trailer came out earlier on Monday. Therefore, dibs.
Related and relevant: Cast of Community as Batman villains: Reason #39 to love Community: inspired fan art. The show tends to bring out the "geek" in everyone, and right here is proof of their geekdom. Nerdgasm? You bet.
The Expendables 2 trailer likes to remind you which actors are in the movie via two seconds glory shots: The Expendables 2 trailer is out. It promises to be the most action-packed Expendables movie of all time - how can it not with a card that includes Sylvester Stallone, Bruce Willis, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and the rest of their neighborhood muscular friends. Do you see? It has a cool skull logo with eye-piecing knives and guns as wings. DO YOU SEE?!
The sequel will keep everything you loved about the first movie - mainly guns, explosives, testosterone, and lack of a sturdy plot, which, as many would point out, is totally irreverent because obviously - and include Chuck Norris/New Challengers in the mix for the most burly action movie to ever action movie ever. Take "The Ultimate Showdown of Ultimate Destiny" and inject it with pure HGH. You get The Expendables 2. In a mainstream where we tend to overanalyze everything, I want this bullet-ridden caricature of a flick to be on my summer checklist and I want it exactly what it says on the tin. Or exactly what the words of the immortal Al Bundy once say:
"That was a beautiful, lovely movie. I saw 22 hooters, a bunch of guys were killed, had no story at all. [wipes away a tear] It had… it had everything."
The Golden Globe are not stupid after all (kind of): Hurray, award season! It's the time of year when Hollywood sticks its head into a tub of narcissism and bobs for that sweet golden nectar. While there's not a lot to like about a ceremonial wankfest that discredits movies/TV shows you like in favor of movies/TV shows you hate, you may have to avert your criticism for the time being once you have a look at the nomination list. At least for the movie side of things…
I am glad 50/50 received recognition for best picture of the year because yay 50/50! It may not have as many nominations as The Artist (pack leader with a well-deserved total of six nominations) but to just see it under "best picture" warms my cold beating heart. Look at that, The Guard - and headliner Brendan Gleeson - got recognized too. Do yourself a favor, go watch The Guard. I may be a simple minded Internet columnist who pretends to be an academic film buff ("the lack of dialogue from the horse in War Horse displeased me greatly, hmm, yes") but I know funny and The Guard qualifies as funny. I'm surprised Bridesmaid made it on the list as well and it's all good in the hood. In addition to Ricky Gervais' off-again on-again hosting duties, this is shaping up to be one fantastic award show.
BEST PICTURE, DRAMA Descendants
The Ides of March
BEST PICTURE, COMEDY OR MUSICAL 50/50
Midnight in Paris
My Week With Marilyn (Wait, it's considered a comedy and/or musical? Say whaaat?)
BEST ACTOR, DRAMA
George Clooney - The Descendants
Brad Pitt - Moneyball
Ryan Gosling - The Ides of March
Michael Fassbender - Shame
Leonardo DiCaprio - J. Edgar
BEST ACTRESS, DRAMA
Glenn Close - Albert Nobbs
Viola Davis - The Help
Rooney Mara - The Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
Meryl Streep - The Iron Lady
Tilda Swinton - We Need to Talk About Kevin
BEST ACTOR, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jean Dujardin - The Artist
Brendan Gleeson - The Guard
Joseph Gordon-Levitt - 50/50
Ryan Gosling - Crazy Stupid Love
Owen Wilson - Midnight in Paris
BEST ACTRESS, COMEDY OR MUSICAL
Jodie Foster - Carnage
Charlize Theron - Young Adult
Kristen Wiig - Bridesmaids
Michelle Williams - My Week with Marilyn
Kate Winslet - Carnage
BEST ANIMATED FEATURE Arthur Christmas
Puss 'n Boots
The Adventures of Tintin
BEST DIRECTOR, MOTION PICTURE
Woody Allen - Midnight in Paris
George Clooney - The Ides of March
Michael Hazavicius - The Artist
Alexander Payne - The Descendants
Martin Scorsese - Hugo
BEST FOREIGN LANGUAGE FILM The Flowers of War (CHINA)
In the Land of Blood and Honey (USA)
The Kid with a Bike (BELGIUM)
A Separation (IRAN)
The Skin I Live In (SPAIN)
BEST ORIGINAL SONG – MOTION PICTURE
"Hello Hello" — Gnomeo & Juliet
"The Keeper" — Machine Gun Oreacher
"Lay Your Head Down" — Albert Nobbs
"The Living Proof" — The Help
"Masterpiece" — W.E.
New Casa de mi Padre trailer asks important question: just who is Armando Alvarez?: What an awesome week for trailers. I felt like I did my part to spread as much movie teaser goodness as possible, and boy, does it feel good. While I see The Expendables 2 as the hot promiscuous girl you're excited to nail at the construction site or aircraft carrier or anywhere in Nashville, TN, the Matt Piedmont-directed Casa de mi Padre is the kind of girl you want to wed. You know, the nerdy-but-cute Spanish girl with a delicious sense of humor and wouldn't mind if I was close friends with Ron Swanson, i.e. stalk Ron Swanson.
Will Ferrell speaking broken Spanish? Will Ferrell in a faux-telenovela drama? Our Internet mate Ron Swanson? Genesis Rodriguez?! Yes, I want to marry this movie and I want to marry it hard.
Rumor mill: this is what Bill Murray thought of Ghostbusters 3 (allegedly) :
Somewhere in there is the Ghostbusters 3 scri… oh, there it is
Murray just made like a jerk encore…and now it's OVER! To recap: Aykroyd, Murray, SIGOURNEY WEAVER and HAROLD RAMIS had all agreed to rebirth "Ghostbusters III" – but Murray, who's got script approval, kept refusing to take producers' phone calls after they'd send rewrites.
Then, after they sent him the latest reworked screenplay weeks ago, Murray fired back his shocking answer – nailing the coffin shut forever – by sending Dan and Harold a box containing the new script SHREDDED into confetti, along with this nasty note: "No one wants to pay money to see fat, old men chasing ghosts!" - National Enquirer
Oh snap. Bill Murray has access to a shredder. Fear him Hollywood.
Let's pretend The National Enquirer is a bastion of journalistic integrity for once - Bill Murray using a cross-cut shredder to shred the Ghostbusters 3 script is the greatest use of a cross-cut shredder ever. Hence, we love you Bill Murray.
So the fire vomit inductive Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance may not be the greatest movie made after all: Bad news: seems like once you get past the crazy action scenes and fire bullets, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance is a great big bore. Impossible. This movie has fire piss, motorcycles, and chain whips. It can't be that bad.
Co-director Brian Taylor, he of Neveldine and Taylor, then showed up with their latest movie, Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance, which won't be out until February. When the directing duo showed up at Comic Con, they really wowed the audience with their presentation, raising fan expectations immensely. Sorry to say, Spirit of Vengeance doesn't live up to that hype. There are some fun moments and the main character not only looks great but – as his alter ego Johnny Blaze – actor Nicolas Cage turns in some really fun stuff. However, the best way to sum up this film was from the Q&A after when Taylor said he added in a jokey, animated montage to wink at the audience that the directors didn't really know what was going on with the story either. Oops. Great action, superb effects and camera work, but a cookie cutter story with awful characters, equals a below average film. It's better than the original, but that's not saying much. - Slash Film
What I wanted was Crank: Flamer Edition. What was shown sounded like the first Ghost Rider movie. Uh oh.
Difficult to argue the merits of an alleged (fiery) piss-poor script when I just stated how The Expendables 2 needs no such ruse. The movie gives the impression of a cool popcorn flick to which you need to shut your brain off to enjoy: crazy fun action scenes buried in a dopey story, standard movie clichés, and muddled characters. It's the Tim Tebow of films – an amazing spectacle and not much else.
Maybe their newest trailer – which focuses on "story mode" a lot more heavily than the last one – can point out what's wrong.
"I'm not scared?" "You should be?!?" Why do they have Twilight in my Ghost Rider?
Ghost Rider still has until February 17th, 2012 to cure what ails them, and even then, I won't let the opinions of movie critics, common folk, and low tomato scores keep me from possibly thinking about renting the Blu-Ray copy without acknowledgement to my friends and the Internet. I'm just not the kind of person to be easily swayed.
Maybe the Golden Globes are partially stupid after all: All the good praises I had for them – gone. Well that's not fair. A couple of favorites did receive warranted television nominations: Game of Thrones, American Horror Story, Enlightened, recent airplane terrorist Alec Baldwin, and Steve Buscemi, which I believe completes the official career resurgence. Good for him.
But other than that, holy smokes, is this list awful. Aw-ful. No Breaking Bad? It's only on every critics " best of 2011" list. No Community? Well, this isn't the first time the show has been cruelly snubbed. Still, I don't see how New Girl received the nod over Community. Maybe they did throw a better party. No Nick Offerman aka Ron Swanson? Legitimacy lost. And what the Triple H is Episodes?
I could point out other ridiculous snubs - Friday Night Lights - but the time it would take for me - Sons of Anarchy - to list them off - Parks and Recreation - would be time - The League - not worth - Community!! - wasting. I also found it odd how Bryan Crantston and Amy Poehler received nominations but their respective, superior-than-New Girl-shows didn't. I hate award shows.
Another year, another award show we shouldn't flame over just because our shows didn't get selected yet we do anyway because the Hollywood Foreign Association is (partially) stupid.
BEST DRAMA SERIES American Horror Story
Game of Thrones
BEST DRAMA – ACTOR
Steve Buscemi, Boardwalk Empire
Bryan Cranston, Breaking Bad
Kelsey Grammer, Boss
Jeremy Irons, The Borgias
Damian Lewis, Homeland
BEST DRAMA – ACTRESS
Claire Danes, Homeland
Mireille Enos, The Killing
Julianna Margulies, The Good Wife
Madeleine Stowe, Revenge
Callie Thorne, Necessary Roughness
BEST COMEDY SERIES New Girl (ugh)
BEST COMEDY – ACTOR
Alec Baldwin, 30 Rock
David Duchovny, Californication
Johnny Galecki, The Big Bang Theory
Thomas Jane, Hung
Matt LeBlanc, Episodes
BEST COMEDY – ACTRESS
Tina Fey, 30 Rock
Amy Poehler, Parks and Recreation
Laura Dern, Enlightened
Zooey Deschanel, New Girl
Laura Linney, The Big C
BEST SERIES, TV-MOVIE OR MINISERIES – SUPPORTING ACTOR
Peter Dinklage, Game of Thrones
Paul Giamatti, Too Big to Fail
Guy Pearce, Mildred Pierce
Tim Robbins, Cinema Verite
Eric Stonestreet, Modern Family
BEST SERIES, TV-MOVIE OR MINISERIES – SUPPORTING ACTRESS
Jessica Lange, American Horror Story
Kelly Macdonald, Boardwalk Empire
Maggie Smith, Downton Abbey
Sofia Vergara, Modern Family
Evan Rachel Wood, Mildred Pierce
BEST TV-MOVIE OR MINISERIES The Hour
Too Big to Fail
BEST TV-MOVIE OR MINISERIES – ACTOR
Hugh Bonneville, Downton Abbey
Idris Elba, Luther
William Hurt, Too Big to Fail
Bill Nigh, Page Eight
Dominic West, The Hour
BEST TV-MOVIE OR MINISERIES – ACTRESS
Diane Lane, Cinema Verite
Romola Garai, The Hour
Emily Watson, Appropriate Adult
Kate Winslet, Mildred Pierce
Elizabeth McGovern, Downton Abbey
Work It seems to be ticking just about everyone off: ABC thinks we're morons if they think Work It counts as entertaining television. Bosom Buddies this is not, and even then the show survived essentially due to noticeable charmer Ton Hanks. Work It is a men-in-drag comedy where two men cross dress in order to land jobs endorsed for woman in this unemployed-filled world of ours.
Watch the trailer, then have ABC executives spit in your mouth.
Never mind how the obvious men-in-drag goes by unnoticed. Never mind how the premise of the show involves men, who pass themselves off as woman, stealing jobs from actual woman. Progress!
Here, you can read more frustrated opinion's from other people. Let me pick one at random. How about this one:
Joe Solmonese, president of the Human Rights Campaign says: "We've seen a lot of offensive things on TV over the years, but this really takes the cake. The so-called 'comedy' of Work It is based on the premise that male-bodied people who unsuccessfully attempt to present themselves as women are worthy of ridicule. The problem is that most transgender women find themselves in this situation, at least temporarily, during their transition process. And due to the prohibitively high costs of transition-related medical care and widespread insurance inequities, many may be visibly transgender for their entire lives.
By emphasizing the artificiality of the lead characters' femininity through depictions of them putting on makeup and feminine clothing, for example, Work It makes similar implications about the nature of transgender women's identities and their ways of expressing them, reinforcing the erroneous popular notion that transgender women are not 'real' women. By encouraging the audience to laugh at the characters' failed attempts at womanhood, the show condones similar treatment of visibly transgender women. Unfortunately, such prejudiced behavior needs no encouragement; 53% of self-identified transgender people reported having been the victim of verbal harassment or abuse in a public place. ABC should not air this show — plain and simple. At the very least, Work It is offensive and insulting. At worst, the show is downright dangerous and sends a message that transgender people are meant to be laughed at, or are somehow less-than. This show would be a tremendous setback for transgender Americans, and everyone who believes that all people deserve to be treated with respect and dignity." - 411mania
A show like this might have worked decades ago but not in 2011-soon-to-be-2012. Work It sounds awful but all television show deserve at least one premiere, if only to acknowledge the hard working people behind the scenes and to point out the awfulness of the awful and awful.
I don't know much about the transgender regime but Joe Solmonese seems to have a good finger on the pulse of this issue. I basically agree to everyone who says that Work It is quote offensive and insulting unquote. Well that and how New Girl over Community is a giant sham.
R.I.P. Joe Simon: Joe Simon, co-creator of Captain America and major player in the comic community, passed away at the age of 98. While his death is indeed sad news to comic book fans and others in general, at the very least he lived long enough to finally capture his character, his hard work upon the big screen earlier this year. I cannot offer more other than a link to a more thorough eulogy, so for a complete retrospective on his career and impact during the Golden Age, click here (via Comic Book Resources).
Looks like David Stern voided Kobe Bryant's marriage too: I wasn't going to talk about this story because 1) it's more of a sports story despite it being an off-the-court issue, and 2) it's more on the tier of Deadspin than a Movies/TV one. But then I found out 411mania posted the story in the news section (key words: divorce, infidelity, multiple women, Tiger Woods) and that was all the proof I needed to run it here.
Kobe Bryant's wife Vanessa (née Vanessa Urbieta Cornejo Laine) has reportedly filed for divorce from her husband of 10 years. TMZ reports that her filing cited "irreconcilable differences" and suggests that she "believes Kobe has been unfaithful." No. Way.
The couple reportedly do not have a prenuptial agreement, which might help explain why Kobe's been so salty this week. - Deadspin
I hate Kobe Bryant. One part out of jealousy, one part the fact he denied the Sacramento Kings a chance to become NBA champions (multiple times), and one part because he's a giant douche. Granted, he's a talented giant douche, but, uhm, yeah. Sports!
This might not head along the same line as Tiger Woods but it's still under development. Despite a great deal of pure schadenfreude behind it, this is not how I envisioned Kobe's decline and I'm not sure if I want it to be. I wanted all of Kobe's troubles to be basketball court related issues. He didn't get Chris Paul? I loved that. His team traded away a valuable teammate? Yes. The fact the Lakers will never make the playoffs again? Double yes! Err, probably.
I would feel bad for the guy but the whole "sleeping with hordes of other women" matter is prohibiting me from doing so. Look on the bright side Kobe fans, he still has one more ring than Shaq.
David Cross' favorite movie series, Alvin and the Chipmunks, somehow has earned about one billion dollars worldwide: How did this happen? There can't be that many children hungry for animated chipmunks out there in the world, right?
I don't know why I'm worked up about this. Children should have movies they can call their own too. Maybe it had to do with David Cross' sour experience towards the whole franchise. Really, if people can't take his word for it, then who can?
"This last film was literally, without question, the most unpleasant experience I've ever had in my professional life," he says of ‘Chip-Wrecked,' where he reprises his role of record executive Ian. Without naming names, he says, "It's safe to say I won't be working with some of those people ever again. Not the actors. And the director [Mike Mitchell] was great. We got along. There were a couple of people, though…it was just a really awful, unpleasant experience." Which isn't to say the entire ‘Chipmunks' experience has been rotten for him. "I got recognized in China," he says, listing off the places ‘Chipmunks' has taken him. "I got recognized in a teeny tiny town in Mozambique. In Zimbabwe. Botswana. It's crazy." - The Playlist
So to recap: the key to Hollywood success is small woodland CGI creatures and David Cross hates small woodland CGI creatures. Oh, and to make sure there's a check large enough to fit inside his cottage home. What? It's not like he's shy about it.
Heidi and Spencer 2: Electric Boogaloo: This is a story about how Heidi and Spencer worked out their differences, and turned down an opportunity to be on reality television because life is already hard I suppose.
Now this is painful -- TMZ has learned, "Relationship Rehab" producers approached Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt to work out their issues on the show ... and the couple flat-out rejected their offer.
Speidi's reasoning -- they're actually on great terms ... and don't have any issues to work out.
Sources close to Speidi tell us, the couple was initially intrigued -- thinking the show was actually about working out together ... as in yoga, or something like it. They had no idea it was for couples with real issues. - TMZ
Heidi and Spencer derp dee derp! Derp dee derpitee derpee derp!
Punk'd is back, excitement is shown by no one: Yes, Punk'd is coming back to MTV. Yes, instead of one douche hosting the celebrity prank show, we now have multiple douches.
"U mad, bro?" – MTV
After months of rumors, MTV is officially reviving the hidden-camera prank classic, ordering a new version of Punk'd to series. Jason Goldberg and Ashton Kutcher are back on board as executive producers. But the show's host is…
… a different question. MTV plans to announce the show's host/hosts during its New Years Eve party live telecast next week. Access Hollywood reported months ago that a new show was in the works, using different celebrity hosts for each episode — and noting in the premiere that Justin Bieber is the man in the van.
- Entertainment Weekly
Unless Justin Bieber is the one being hosed – and by hosed I mean tomahawked. Nothing too fatal, it is just a prank show after all – then there is a great chance I'll be missing this updated MTV "classic". Like, seriously, bro. What's up with this crap?
*New Feature* Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week
I think you should have a cute/funny animal video every week. That can be your gimmick. Practically all the other 411 writers have one, you should have one, too. - Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)
And thus it was so.
This column is a haven for certain movie and television news but I am also not afraid to include occasional "adorable animals doing adorable things" videos. Well now thanks to JLAJRC's suggestion, it's now to be a weekly feature. Sometimes we fawn over Hollywood news. Most of the time, it's met with intense disapproval. No such thing exists with cute animal videos. So I hope you enjoy the new feature.
This is a penguin. It's fetching a newspaper. NEED I SAY MOAR?!
That Bane poster is bad-ass! - Posted By: chAd_b (Guest)
If only his voice fit the description.
Yeah, I have to admit The 3 Stooges trailer was better than I thought it would be. Nice impressions too. - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)
I feel bad now. The trailer wasn't the worst thing ever. I even laughed at certain points because I'm dumb and I like dumb things. The 3 Stooges can't be that bad, can it?
Better this week - Posted By: Guest#4792 (Guest)
I've recently heard about The Hunger Games and immediately thought Battle Royale. Been telling people to watch it left and right. Really, kids killing kids with crossbows and swords, how could you not enjoy that? Also the content in Hunger Games will be nothing like Battle Royale. - Posted By: midz (Guest)
Battle Royal is awesome. Seems like forever I have heard of a US remake, but once Hunger Games gained momentum, I figured it would be scrapped.
I Love that the participants get a survival pack, and a random weapon. Some swords, a knife, gun, tazer, crossbow... then some poor sap pulls out a frying pan or paper fan. Good stuff - Posted By: APrince66 (Guest)
Battle Royale is grim and psychologically nerve-wrecking. I loved it. The whole "crossbows and swords" stuff has to count for something too.
Just how close were those houses to the bomb range? Would anyone seriously live that close to one? Otherwise, that must have been a really souped up cannon, which frequently happens on Mythbusters. I love that show.
JLAJRC-changing 411 a little at a time. - Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)
I don't know but cannonballs are wildly known to wreak havoc on peaceful suburban districts. And even the tiniest changes can go a long way. I mean, a penguin fetching a newspaper!
re: avoiding dark knight rises spoilers -
I actually found that very easy, but maybe that is because i do not really care about it so much. I mean i will watch it probably, but since i did not care as much as some fan(atical)s did with the first two movies, i found it surprisingly easy to avoid spoilers.
Hell, in fact i find this easy overall. Simply don't click on trailer links, don't read the parts with spoilers tagged, and do not go to websites known to blurt out spoilers, like the IMDB forums.
But hey, maybe i am just not putting enough effort in not trying to avoid spoilers??? - Posted By: Guest#9239 (Guest)
I say you've done more than your fair share. Sort of like avoiding football scores when you know the game is being DVR'ed at home, only you'll have to do it for eight more months. Kudos.
Last word: So far, the Monday Night matchup between the Steelers-49ers has had more blackouts than touchdowns. Wait, has anyone seen Csonka?