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Movies/TV's 3R’s 12.27.11: Prometheus, Alan Taylor, Fast & Furious, Amber Portwood, More
Posted by Porfirio Diaz on 12.27.2011

Welcome to Week 130 of The 3 R's for the Movie/TV world.

I can't believe this is the last Movies/TV 3Rs of 2011. Time flies fast. First off, apologizes all around if this seems like an average or even below-par column. Excuses: holiday, family, and lots and lots of turkey. You seem like the kind of audience who would best understand. Furthermore, Merry Christmas and/or whatever December holiday wishes float your boat.

Special thanks: to head honcho Ashish (he's the boss after all), to Movie/TV editor Chad Webb for his support since my arrival to this zone (to say I couldn't have done all this without him is an understatement), to friend and fellow San Francisco Giants fan Ben Piper (who I became good friends with early in my tenure here, especially during that magical 2010 championship run with said Giants), to Tony Acero (mostly because he's nuts), to Jeremy Wilson, who filled in for me during the time my dad passed away, and of course, to the rest of my colleagues at 411 (for the fun and laughs). They are all good people.

Finally, to the 3R's core of the comment section - The Great Capt. Smooth, MBD, APrince66, JLAJRC, The Big Fat F*g (we need this list to expand for 2012) - and everyone who participates on a weekly basis, positive comment or not, thanks. Without you guys, well, it wouldn't be that much fun around here. Besides, I need people to correct me on various stuff. A pair of eyes can only take me so far.

Make sure to click the Facebook "Like", Tweet button, and Google +1 links (wink wink nudge nudge) over there to the right of the article! Support 411mania, your home for the best in pop culture entertainment news.

Without any further ado, here is...

  • Ridley Scott's "Alien DNA"-ish Prometheus wins best "non-Batman" trailer of the week: Ridley Scott's last sci-fi jamboroo? Blade Runner, from 30 years ago. Don't worry, he makes up for his long absence with the Alien prequel-but-not-really-related-within-Alien-universe film, Prometheus. This marks the first official trailer, and if it was to follow the footsteps of every blockbuster motion picture, a dozen more will come out between now and February. The trailer, covered in the type of dark-and-grittyness audiences want to see in their space warfare adventures, looks pretty cool, and uh, yeah. That's about it. Maybe I should mention Michael F. Assbender and his fantastic bleach-blonde hair. In fact, I believe I just did.

    I has a flashlight; blonde hair

  • Game of Thrones director Alan Taylor adds "Thor 2 to résumé : Thor 2 had an empty director chair that needed to be filled after Monster director Patty Jenkins left the project due to creative differences. Enter Alan Taylor, who doesn't have the directorial experience Jenkins has but, well, look at his credentials: two episodes of Game of Thrones (including the Season 1 finale, and set to direct four more in Season 2), four episodes of Mad Men, several episodes of The Sopranos, several episodes of Homicide: Life on the Street, Oz, Sex and the City, Rome and that one episode of Lost I'm sure TV resident Ben Piper could tell you a lot more about.

    Marvel Studios has found its Thor 2 director. I'm told that Marvel has set Alan Taylor, who was widely rumored to be on the short list to replace Patty Jenkins. Taylor is an accomplished TV director whose recent credits include Game of Thrones, Boardwalk Empire and Nurse Jackie, and he directed the feature Palookaville. Jenkins got the job but then fell out over differences with Marvel on the sequel.

    This will put the film back on track to meet its November 15, 2013 release date. - Deadline

    He's not the kind of chose I would have gone "OMG ALAN TAYLOR that's right THE ALAN TAYLOR" but at least he has the credibility necessary to produce Thor 2. Look, narrow your focus on his TV diploma to just Game of Thrones. Isn't that what we all want Thor to be anyway?

  • 6 Fast 6 Furious plan5 t0 5h00t 6ack 2 6ack w1th 7ast and 7urious: I once spoke of the anti-success the Fast & Furious franchise would experience past the fifth installment because cars, the use of cars, and things that go "vroom" can only be stretched soooooo far. Fast Five went on to make 5 zillion dollars (probably). So I ate my hat, and it tasted awful. While we continue to watch for the inevitable Oscar nominate Vin Diesel thinks the film deserves, let's talk about the plans to film the next two movies back to back. I hope one of them has a car chase filmed on an actual roller coaster, and the other with 100% more shots of The Rock's biceps in-between car chases, this time while under the sea.

    "With the success of this last one, and the inclusion of so many characters, and the broadening of scope, when we were sitting down to figure out what would fit into the real estate of number six, we didn't have enough space," Diesel told THR during the photoshoot for its Rule Breakers 2011 portfolio.

    Fast Five moved the franchise from the genre of car-racing adventure to action-adventure heist, while garnering the best reviews in the franchise's history and grossing an astonishing $626 million worldwide. Apart from reuniting supporting characters from previous movies, it added star power in the form of Dwayne Johnson. A coda at the end of the movie teases the return of a character played by Eva Mendes last seen in 2 Fast 2 Furious as well as the return of Michelle Rodriguez.

    "We have to pay off this story, we have to service all of these character relationships, and when we started mapping all that out it just went beyond 110 pages," Diesel explained. "The studio said, ‘You can't fit all that story in one damn movie!'"

    Diesel did not reveal details on whether the two movies would be two-parters or two standalone movies. - The Hollywood Reporter

    I have no idea how Diesel is seen as a "rule breaker" nor do I know THR's interpretation of the term – Did he jaywalk? Did he run a traffic light a split second after it turned red? Did he put recyclables in a trash bin? – but I already learned by lesson: never bet against the Vin Man. I've tasted defeat, and thou not tasted good. I would like to see just how far the franchise is willing to go with their whole "let's put numbers in the titles" situation. Because I can see it now:

    Fast & Furious: World 8-1

    Fast & Furious: Minus 1 (you know, for the prequel... the other prequel)

  • What Santa brought us for Christmas: a Fresh Prince of Bel-Air reunion: And they don't look a day older than when they lasted appeared together. Maybe.

  • That new Buffy the Vampire Slayer reboot nobody wanted is not happening after all (maybe): Never has one group of fans rooted so hard against the opposition without having it end in a shower of pepper spray. In this case, it was Buffy fans who reported outrage in news of the soon-to-be rebooted franchise. Thanks to a number of script problems and negative fan reaction, "soon-to-be" is about to be replaced as "never-is-to-be".

    Writer Whit Anderson's script for Buffy the Vampire Slayer "fell far short of expectations" according to two sources close to the project. They say it was rejected completely, in fact.

    "This is a sad, sad reflection on our times," Whedon said last November when that deal was announced, "when people must feed off the carcasses of beloved stories from their youths — just because they can't think of an original idea of their own, like I did with my Avengers idea that I made up myself."

    Even Buffy herself, Sarah Michelle Gellar, who was not going to be involed in the new film either said, "I think it's a horrible idea. To try to do a Buffy without Joss Whedon, I mean that's, like, honestly, to be incredibly non-eloquent: that's the dumbest idea I've ever heard."

    Unfortunately, Hero Complex says a new writer is now being searched for but that doesn't necessarily mean the film will still happen. "There also might be some healthy fear among the producers who witnessed a spasm of fan criticism when the project was first publicized," they wrote. - The Mary Sue

    I wish more stars had the same attitude Sarah Michelle Gellar displayed here. We need our stars to speak out against the evils of corporate revisions without the main people responsible for the success of the previous incarnation. Also, pat yourself on the back as well. It was nice of them to consider how much of a negative uproar this new potential version caused. As reported, the producers are looking for a new writer to start fresh, but an important President of the United States once said, "If things don't go your way, just keep complaining until your dreams come true."

  • You can now add "Christian Fundamentalists" to list of groups who hate Ricky Gervais: Ricky Gervais is a proclaimed atheist. That's fine. I would put him in the "Penn Jillette" category of celebrity atheists who I like, not necessarily for their religious views, but for their entertainment value. I'm a proclaimed Christian, and though our religious views may differ, we both find our works to be quite satisfactory – at least I like to pretend he reads this column, which for all intent and purposes, he does. So he wants to pose like Jesus on the cross for a magazine? Sure, whatever. He has a right to express himself and how he feels about Christianity. And even if it did bother me, what am I going to do – have a fight with him on Twitter? Boycott The Hobbit because Peter Jackson is a supposed atheist too? Who would do tha… oh.

    Comedian Ricky Gervais is engaged in an ongoing war of the words with Christian fundamentalists offended by his views on creationism and God.

    A self-proclaimed atheist, The Office creator and 2012 Golden Globes host ruffled feathers for portraying himself as Jesus Christ in his "12 Days of Rickmas" PETA campaign and explaining his religious view in an interview with Britain's New Humanist magazine. He's also under fire for other offenses such as posing like Jesus on the cross for the magazine cover and believing in evolution.

    One particular Twitter user, @GodsWordIsLaw, has been verbally sparring with Gervais since last week. According to @GodsWordIsLaw's Twitter page, his name is Keith and he represents Minnesota's Christians for a Moral World.

    @GodsWordIsLaw: "That picture of @RickyGervais on a fake cross hanging like Jesus with the words "Atheist" on his body...MOST OFFENSIVE THING IVE EVER SEEN"

    @GodsWordIsLaw: "Just wasted 5 minutes of my life watching the disgusting Atheist PIG @RickyGervais on youtube. He is not even funny!!! #GodWillNotBeMocked."

    @RickyGervais: "I am not anti christian. I am anti bigot @GodsWordIsLaw I don't believe in ANY god. I treat all religions equally. And all good people." - Hollywood Reporter

    Yeah, his religious opinion can be seen as offensive but Ricky Gervias isn't one to not not be offensive. I happen to find him humorous who isn't afraid to color outside the lines in an industry that caters to people with flawless canvases. I wouldn't say I agree with his sincere take but then I wouldn't go on his Twitter handle and call him a ‘disgusting Atheist PIG" either. That's just rude.

  • I dislike flash mobs; even if done to save shows like Community: I really like Community, and really want the show to remain on air. Many people feel the same way, which is why they organized a flash mob at NYC's Rockefeller Cetnter Christmas Tree last Thursday. As much as I praise their enthusiasm, I find flash mobs to border beyond the line of "annoyance" instead of "beneficial". See also: surveys, flash ads, and the media's extreme exuberance over Tim Tebow.

    Hmm, needs more Alison Brie gifs and/or boobs. As a matter of fact, needs A LOT more Alison gifs and/or boobs.

  • Here is some details of the Munsters reboot none of us asked for: Meh. Eh. Douche dribble.

    *dismissive wank*

    And that about sums up my thoughts about the Munsters reboot.

    Marilyn (the human among the Munster family) is introduced. The adopted stunner of the Munster family is negotiating to buy up a decrepit old mansion in Mockingbird Heights from an estate agent. As the blonde beauty and the all-too-honest agent (she attempts to talk Marilyn out of burning the house; the previous owner was a serial killer was poisoned hobos and it's rumoured dead bodies may still be in the walls) talk, a construction crew, seemingly there to knock the place down, impatiently look on. But the deal is done and the wrecking ball backs off. We discover that the Munster's have had to move to Mockingbird Heights because of what young Eddie did in the teaser. That "baby bear" attacking the scout camp was a sign that the Munster's needed a new address before anyone realized who was really behind all those scratches and bruises that the scouts received. - Shock Till You Drop

    You can find more details here but this is supposed to be a festival holiday. Wouldn't you want to read more uplifting stories like Eric LeGrand being on the cover of Sports Illustrated or even watch this week's adorable puppy video two, three, hundred times in a row? I think the real Munsters would have wanted it that way.

  • The sad immoral tales of Air Jordan Release Day: These tales of shoe-mayhem survival has little to do with movies or television, unless you count how the inspiration of these shoes is the same person who starred in Space Jam, which I do. Has it really been 15 years? I feel old.

    Anyway, Nike re-released the Air Jordan XIs last week and brought forth Professor Chaos across the land. You can find the summary to most shoe-related crimes over at Deadspin, but I will list my top 3 most reprehensible ones here (in reserve order):

    3. In Pembroke Pines, Fla.: "At about 2 a.m. Friday, customers said police pepper sprayed a crowd of people waiting in the front of the line at the Foot Locker at Pembroke Pines mall. 'They're pepper-spraying people, pushing people on the ground, everything,' said one customer. 'It's crazy up there.'" Another customer said police had pepper-sprayed "a little girl."

    2. In Jersey City, N.J.: "A 20-year-old Jersey City man was stabbed seven times last night during a fight among several of the 300 holiday shoppers lined up to buy the coveted Nike Air Jordan XI Concord sneakers at the Newport Centre Mall, police said. The Duncan Avenue man, attacked at about 10:19 p.m., suffered non-life-threatening wounds, police said."

    1. In Atlanta, Ga.: "Police had to smash the windows of a car to get two toddlers out after a woman had left them there to go buy the shoes. She was taken into custody when she returned, according to the AP."

  • This Toddlers and Tiaras clip is everything that's wrong with Toddlers and Tiaras: This is… no. I can't even do a proper introduction for this clip. Instead, I'll copy and paste 411mania guest Kramer's response to describe our natural feelings:

    This is so wrong on so many levels. - Posted By: Kramer (Guest)

    video platformvideo managementvideo solutionsvideo player

  • Amber Portwood is, like, an even worse Snooki: I have little to no idea who Amber Portwood is. I don't know her as a person nor do I understand her magnitude across the pop culture landscape. Nevertheless, she is famous, and she is most famous because of Teen Mom. But in trying to find the best qualified Movies/TV news, I was able to account - thanks to the magic of the 411mania news cycle (with actual headlines) - the hellish week of one Amber Portwood:

    12/19 - Teen Mom's Amber Portwood Back in Jail: booked at Madison County Jail; warrant for her arrest unknown

    12/21 – Check Out Amber Portwood's Latest Mug Shot

    12/23 - Teen Mom Star Amber Portwood in Jail Over Drugs & Urine Test: arrested for possession of a controlled substance on December 16th; failed urine drug screen on Dec. 16th and Dec. 19th.

    12/24 - Teen Mom Amber Portwood Gets Very Unappetizing Christmas Eve Meal: she received a "turkey sausage pizza (described as a "meat-like substance on top of the pizza"), a side of cold carrots, peas and some pineapple." She did not receive dessert. The horror.

    12/24 – Prescription Pills Found on Amber Portwood When She Was Arrested: The bottle contained 32 Hydrocodone pills, 6 Soma pills, 2 of another muscle relaxer, 3 of a different kind of Hyrdocodone, and then 1 pill they were unable to identify.

    This is all just very sad. She deserves the public backlash she brought on herself (not because she had a child at an early age, mostly for being on MTV) but this is also a person who needs serious upmost help. Perhaps this is the kind of rock bottom situation she needs in order to avoid future headlines with her name and the words "arrested", "pills" next to it. Do it for the child's sake at the very least.

  • This week is Taiwan animation: Kobe Bryant and the Libido of Doom: It may have taken a while but Next Media Animation's fine editorial department finally produced their version of the Kobe Bryant divorce/infidelity chronicle. What I loved: Vanessa Bryant bashing Kobe with a giant cartoonish "DIVORCE" cardboard sign (because that's how people ask for divorce nowadays?) and Chris Paul, complete with "final boss" laugh, striking a poor depressed Kobe to the ground. What I didn't love: [space left blank].

  • Gratuitous Adorable Animal Video of the Week

    I think you should have a cute/funny animal video every week. That can be your gimmick. Practically all the other 411 writers have one, you should have one, too. - Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)

    And thus it was so.

    This column is a haven for certain movie and television news but I am also not afraid to include occasional "adorable animals doing adorable things" videos. Well now thanks to JLAJRC's suggestion, it's now to be a weekly feature. Sometimes we fawn over Hollywood news. Most of the time, it's met with intense disapproval. No such thing exists with cute animal videos.

    This dog enjoys blues-fusion as much as you do; via Buzzfeed

    Not interested in the new Ferrell flick. I hate subtitles. You can't watch the movie, because you're reading the whole time. If I wanted to read, I'd have a book.(or go to 411mania) :-) - Posted By: The Great Capt. Smooth (Guest)

    Not. Interested. In. New Ferrell flick. When separated, these words become pure and innocent. When put in a sentence together? I… I don't understand.

    But that's a fair point you have right there, amigo. Subtitles tend to be a viewing displeasure but it varies from people to people. It's just… Will Ferrell in pointy boots, man. Will Ferrell in pointy boots.

    The Expendables promises to be nothing more than boring and rubbish - Posted By: Guest#5865 (Guest)

    These are another set of words that I don't quite understand when formed together.

    From the prologue and trailer, this doesn't seem like the Bane we know from the comics. The one all super freakishly strong and venomed out and everything. However, in Nolan we trust and I'm even more super fucking excited after both of those!!!! - Posted By: Guest#9623 (Guest)

    I've said this before: we can nitpick all we want but once Dark Knight Rises premieres, those pre-movie quibbles will go away… until someone decides to post about the post-movie ones.

    i don't see anything about the way bane talks hard to understand,bane the man that broke the bat - Posted By: Guest#9830 (Guest)

    That's why I wondered whether it was a personal issue or a video captured one. In some cases, I could understand his dialogue. In others, not so much. I still don't know actually.

    Ever since "Lost in Translation" Bill Murray seems to have become a grouchy old man. Every interview he does he just comes off as grumpy. GB3 might suck, but coming from him I'm hesistant about his opinion.

    Maybe it's just me, but people need to chill out about "Work It" (and any other tv show/movie that has a manufactured controversy). When I saw the trailer the plight of transgendered people didn't even enter my mind. Attack it because it looks dumb and unfunny. - Posted By: JLAJRC (Guest)

    Bill Murray does seem to become grouchier as time moves forward. Could it be he hasn't realized Lost in Translation ended years ago? Is he still stuck in Groundhog Day? Wait, when doesn't Bill Murray act as the grouch character?

    Sometimes television programs or other things don't need some high analytical exercise to explain why Work It is "dumb" and "unfunny". Really, a simple "Work It sucks because it looks dumb and unfunny" is all people need to hear.

    Last word: I hope everyone had a Merry Christmas and/or December-related traditional holiday festivity. You have one more week with me before I go on a two-week vacation. Until then, have a Happy New Year, and be safe out there everyone.




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